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LORD OF THE STOMACH RING

ACT II

SCENE II

LITIGATION

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December 12, 2002 Fayettenam, Jeffersonian County, Mississippi courthouse Chancery

Court. All legal funds expended and Cracky Boy Richards. He is self-represented but has done
much legal research and preparation for the scheduled hearing. Cracky no longer has the
financial ability to pay temporary maintenance as ordered by the court and is in arrears in the
court ordered payments. This has placed him in contempt of court for not doing so
punishable by jail. Due to his mental state he cannot work and has lost a lucrative contract
and is without any income whatsoever. Realizing that the court may award separate family
properties to his soon to be ex-wife, Gold Holder has illegally transferred all of Crackys assets
to Cripple Slapper by virtue of a power-of-attorney granted by Cracky Boy to Gold Holder
some twenty years earlier without the knowledge or consent of Cracky Boy. Melissa has
dismissed former counsel, Man Harrison, for dereliction of duty and hired Bent Over Boring as
Counsel for the plaintiff. Bent over is the same attorney thatr Cripple Slapper has been bar
hopping with in recent months.

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Baliff: All rise! The Honorable Zenith Middleman presiding!

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Judge: Be seated! Mr. Richards, am I to assume you are without legal representation?

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Cracky Boy: Yes your honor that would be a correct assumption on your part.

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Judge: And why is that may I ask?

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Cracky Boy: Well your honor it would be largely due to the exorbitant temporary maintenance I
am court ordered to pay and the fact that I have lost a major contract during these proceedings
which seem to be of a perpetual nature thereby depleting all funds allocated for legal expenses.
Bottom line your honor I am broke.

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Judge: Then how do you expect to make child support payments from now on?

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Cracky Boy: Well sir I thought if thing ever ends I might borrow against my now frozen assets
and go back to work and I can concentrate on my work and not play the role of Cousin Vinny.
No disrespect to the court of course.

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Bent Over: Your honor that is not possible as I will prove under cross examination of the
defendant.

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Judge: I was about to get upset here but now you have my attention. Proceed counselor.
Permission Granted.

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Bailiff: Do you Cracky Boy Richards swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the
truth so help you God?
Cracky Boy: Absolutely!

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Bailiff: Be seated.

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Bent Over: Good morning Mr. Richards. I would like to ask you a few simple questions if that is
alright with you. It is alright with you is it not?

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Cracky Boy: What kind of question is that? I am under oath and I am compelled to answer any
question you ask unless I object to your question and it is sustained by the Judge here. Correct
me if I am wrong counselor.

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Bent Over: Well yes unless of course you do object to the question and in the unlikely event
that the objection is sustained by the Judge.

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Cracky Boy: Fire away!

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Bent Over: OK last week I heard you sold $50,000.00 worth of AT&T stock that you owned.

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Cracky Boy: Objection your honor, hearsay!

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Judge: Sustained!

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Cracky Boy: Thank you your honor and now that you know that I am no as dumb as you now
look counselor, the answer is no I did not do so as I do not and have never owned stock in AT&T.
Now what do you want to talk about?

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Bent Over: Oh just about divesting assets against a court order not to do such a thing and being
the crook that you are.

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Cracky Boy: Where did you go to law school anyway? I remember you before you went to law
school when you were selling hamburgers at the shake shop with plenty of meat between the
buns and who are you calling a crook you closet faggot?

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Judge: Order in the court!!!! Another exchange like that and I will hold the both of you in
contempt of court do I make myself clear on that?

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Bent Over: Yes your honor.

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Bent Over: OK let me re-phrase my question to you Mr. Richards. Why did you just divest all of
your assets or certainly the majority of your assets to your sister, Cripple Slapper?

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Cracky Boy: Oh now I see! I have always heard you guys did ecstasy I guess the rumors are
true. What in the hell are you talking about?

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Bent Over: I am talking about you conveying all your assets to your sister using your father
acting in his capacity as your agent and attorney-in-fact. He has transferred all assets held by
you by virtue of the power-of-attorney you granted him in 1980. Do you deny this Mr. Richards?
Here are certified copies of all the recorded instruments right here if it would help jog that lack
of memory you seem that seems to come in so handy for you.

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Cracky Boy: Your honor if it please the court I hereby request a ten minute recess so that I may
examine the documents in possession of the plaintiff then address the court as to this matter.

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Judge: Granted! The court will take a ten minute recess.

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Ten Minutes Later

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Cracky Boy: Your honor if I may address the court.

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Judge: You have the floor Mr. Richards.

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Cracky Boy: Before I begin I have one question as I am not an attorney. Am I still under oath
and any statement that I am about to make is to be taken by transcript by the court
stenographer?

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Judge: You are still under oath Mr. Richards and any and all statements made will be
transcribed.

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Cracky Boy: Good because I would like to make the following statements under sworn
testimony. First I would like to say that the acts reflected in the instruments provided to me by
counsel for the plaintiff were not executed with my knowledge or my consent. I do hereby
swear under oath that these transactions were brought to my attention by counsel for the
plaintiff only minutes ago as witnessed by all present in these proceedings here today. Although
I am not a lawyer and have a fool for a client due to circumstances beyond my control I do
hereby confess that I have courtroom experience. Not only from these proceedings in this
particular cause of action but from other previous causes of actions as well. In addition to these
past experiences I have also had experiences in City Court representing myself, federal court
testifying as an expert witness, the Mississippi State Oil and Gas Board also as an expert witness
and criminal court as foreman of a jury. But still I am not a lawyer. However, what I do pride
myself on is my credibility. In court it is not how good the lawyers are who is credible. Who is
telling the truth and who is lying? Someone is always lying and someone is telling the truth.
Whats the judge going to believe? Whats the jury going to believe? The Truth! Thats what!
And the truth is what I am about to say here today.

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First you have to ask yourself some simple questions as we seem to be asking ourselves today.
Why would someone under court order sell, transfer or divest assets do so contrary to court

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order and risk himself in contempt of court? Second why one do such a thing when the Internal
Revenue Service only allows $10,000.00 worth of assets transferred to another party each year
without gift tax consequences? There was no consideration tendered for the transfer of these
assets which would result in a huge tax burden to the party transferring these assets clearly
worth a great deal of money.

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The answer is plain as day. The transferor had no knowledge of the divestiture as it was done by
a third party acting in the capacity of agent and attorney-in-fact which is a clear case of a breach
of a fiduciary relationship. I digress.

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Judge: This is clearly quite unusual. Court dismissed until such time a decision can be rendered
on this particular matter.

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