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LORD OF THE STOMACH RING OPERATION

ACT III

SCENE I

CRACKYS EPIPHANY

Preface

December 2002

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After several years of divorce proceedings our heros girlfriend Matilda had called out another
(married) mans name in the heat of passion while having sexual intercourse with Cracky Boy even
though giving Cracky Boy hell for being married stating numerous times stating that I DONT DO
MARRIED MEN. To add insult to injury she had a vaginal discharge and told him that it was from
keeping herself too clean resulting in the killing natural bacteria allowing for the discharge.
Although still in denial he could not help experience a dj vu of Melissa demanding he wear a
condom as she was having trouble with the birth control pill in the early stages of his marriage to her.
Both women had one thing in common. They both gave clean pussy a bad name.

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Our hero could not have been more vulnerable for a sneak attack from the Baptist Mafia. He was
definitely having second thoughts about the demise of his marriage to Melissa and felt as though he
had abandoned his children. Upon his return to the community homestead he suggested to his wife
that they sell their house and move into the family home he had recently restored. Her reply was I
dont like old houses I like the one we are in but could you give me interest in your house?. His
response was Why if you dont want to live there?. Not answering the question she proposed one
of her own. Do you owe any money on the house you restored?. When he answered yes her
response was Put me on the mortgage and I will help you pay it! It was a clear set up and he and he
knew his marriage was doomed. Depression set in but he knew if he stayed long enough he would
learn a lot. He found porn on the family computer between Melissa and a paramour in the recycle bin
which he restored, forwarded to his office computer for future utility and then put back in the recycle
bin. He also found Melissas divorce strategy instructions written in a spriral notebook under their
mattress one morning while making up their bed after she had gone to work.

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Cracky Boy got a contract with an oil company in north Louisiana but no longer commanded the day
rate he once got as he was now considered damaged goods in the industry. However, he did hit one
home run over the fence. He had participated as a silent partner for obvious reasons in a royalty buy
under a proposed well to be drilled by another oil company. He purchased the interest for $1,300.00
and the well came in big time. He sold his interest for $48,000.00 and had a job once again.

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He knew he was not himself and sought professional help. He was diagnosed as being bipolar.
Tripolar would have been a better term with suicidal tendencies. One evening in north Louisiana after
being in the oilfields he stopped to get gas in a lower socio economic residential area commonly
known as The Hood. That is when his life would begin a downward spiral.
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Crack Dealer: Sir can I help you?

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Cracky Boy: Help me do what? Put gas in my car? I think I can handle it myself.

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Crack Dealer: You want a woman? How bout some crack?

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*Note to the reader- Cracky Boy had been on anti-depressants for quite some time with no positive

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results and had weaned himself off the valium.

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Cracky Boy: Some crack might be nice. I have had enough of women to last me a lifetime but I am

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nowhere near the point to start sucking what guys piss from. So yea how much for some crack?

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Crack Dealer: $20.00 for a dove and I will throw in another $10.00 rock and throw in a crack pipe. We

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got a deal?

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Cracky Boy: Deal dude!

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Crack Dealer: You ever done this shit before?

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Cracky Boy: No.

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Crack Dealer: Melt the crack rock on the pipe, and light it like a cigarette and suck hard. Hold it in as

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long as you can. Exhale and you will feel like you are floating on a cloud of teats. Here is the shit and

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my cell phone number if you like it and you will. My name is rats ass.

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*Note to the reader Cracky Boy went back to his hotel room and did as instructed. The dealer was

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exactly right and the depression was gone. Upon exhaling the drug our hero became sexually

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aroused and had second thoughts about being in the company of a woman alone in a room with a two

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acre sized bed designed as a playing field for full body contact sport. Not good!

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End of Act III

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Scene I

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