YoungFrankenstein

AMelBrooksmusical

Characters
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein (Roger Bart)
The Monster (Shuler Hensley)
Igor (Christopher Fitzgerald)
Inga (Sutton Foster)
Elizabeth Benning (Megan Mullally)
Frau Blcher (Andrea Martin)
Inspector Hans Kemp (Fred Applegate)
Dr. Victor von Frankenstein (Kevin Ligon)
Ziggy (Jim Borstelmann)
Medical Students (Justin Patterson, Matthew Labanca, Kevin Ligon)
Mr. Hilltop (Jack Doyle)
Telegraph Boy (Brian Shepard)
Shoeshine Man (Jim Borstelmann)
Equines (Eric Jackson, Justin Patterson)
Lawrence (Jim Borstelmann)
Transylvania Quartet (Paul Castree, Jack Doyle, Kevin Ligon, Brian Shepard)
Harold the Hermit (Fred Applegate)
Herald (Paul Catree)
Sasha (Eric Jackson)
Masha (Heather Ayers)
Basha (Christina Marie Norrup)
Tasha (Linda Mugleston)
Bob (Paul Castree)
Ritz Specialty (Eric Jackson) / The Count (Matthew Labanca)

Overture
TheHappiestTowninTown
(InavillageinTransylvania)
[Herald]
MakeWay!MakeWay!
(Spoken)MakewayforthefuneralprocessionofDoctorVictorvonFrankenstein,
makerofmonsters!
[All]
Listentoourtaleofwoe,
astorywemusttell.
Whathappenedinthatcastlemadeourlivesalivinghell!
Amadmanwhowascrazy
broughtadeadmanbacktolife,
whohurtandlamed
andkilledandmaimed,
ourtownwastornwithstrife!
[Women]
Butnowwe'renotafraidnomore,
weseeabrighterday.
[All]
He'slaidtorest,
we'retrulyblessed,
andthisiswhatwesay...
Thingsareswellnow,
ringthatbellnow
We'reinheaven,
nomorehellnow.
Nowthedoctor'sdead,goodbyetodread

We'retheHappiestTowninTown!
We'reallsmilesnow,
losethatfrownnow
Nomoremonstersgetusdownnow
Nowthedoctor'spassed,
We'refreeatlast
We'retheHappiestTowninTown!
(spoken)
[Kemp]
Holdthehappiness!
[Villagers]
Kemp!Kemp!It'sInspectorKemp!It'sKemp!
[Woman#1]
Holdthehappiness?Why,InspectorKemp?
[Kemp]
BecauseaslongasaFrankensteinlives,ourvillageisindanger!
[Male#1]
But,Inspector,theBaronisdead.AndhewasthelastoftheFrankenstein!
[Kemp]
No!
[Villagers]
No?
[Kemp]
Onelives!Agrandson!
[Ziggy]
Whoishe?

[Herald]
Whatdoeshedo?
[Kemp]
He'saprofessor,
theDeanofAnatomyatNewYork'smostfamousinsWtuteofhigherlearning,
theJohns,Miriam,andAnthonyHopkinsSchoolofMedicine!
AslongasthisYoungFrankensteinwalkstheearth,wewillneverbesafe.
[Ziggy]
Youreright,Inspector!ThoseFrankensteinsaredangerous.
Kemp
Youretellingme.Illneverforget.WhenIwasayoungman,oneof
Frankensteinscreaturescamerampagingthroughourvillage.Itriedtostophim,
butIcouldnt.HetoreomyleGleg(showsthem)undmyrightarm.(shows
them)IhadtogoallthewaytoViennatondatopsurgeonwhocouldputme
backtogetheragain.
Herald
AtopsurgeoninVienna?Itmusthavebeenexpensive!
Kemp
Expensive?Areyoukidding?!Itcostmeanarmandaleg!
Ziggy
Whichonewasworse,thearmortheleg?
Kemp
Wehavetogetanewvillageidiot.(Moveshismechanicalarm)Bewareofthe
Frankensteins!
[Ziggy]
Imaybethevillageidiot,butIaskyouWhatarethechancesofaNewYork
doctorevercomingtoTransylvania?
[All]

None!Yeah!
(sung)
Onthishappydaywesayamen
Wehavewantedthis
sinceGodknowswhen
[Ziggy]
NomoreFrankenstein
[All]
Youcansaythatagain!
[Ziggy]
NomoreFrankenstein
[All]
We'retheHappiestTowninTown
NomoreFrankenstein
[Ziggy]
NomoreFrankenstein
[Women]
NomoreFrankenstein
x3
[ZiggyandWomen]
Frankenstein...Frankenstein
Frankenstein...Frankenstein
Frankenstein...Frankenstein
(Theresablackoutandthenweseethreedoctors.Theysing)
TheBrain
Man1:

ItsbeensaidthatyourgrandfatherbroughtdeadWssuebacktolife.Isthattrue
DoctorFrankenstein?
Man2:
Itsbeensaidthatyourgrandfathercreatedahorrifyingmonster.Isthattrue,
DoctorFrankenstein?
Man3:
Itsbeensaid,nayevensung,
thatyourgrandfathersmonsterhurtandlamed,killedandmaimed.
Isthattrue,DoctorFrankenstein?
Chorus:
Isthattrue,DoctorFrankenstein?X2Isthattrue?X4DoctorFrankenstein!?
(WearetakentoJohns,Miriam,andAnthonyHopkinsSchoolofMedicine,New
Yorksbestuniversity)
(ThedoctorsmovetothesideandweseeFrederick,withhisbackturned.He
turns)
Frederick:
ThatsFronkensteen
Myname,itspronouncedFronkensteen
Yes,yes,yes.Thewholeworldknowswhatmygrandfatherdid.
ButpleasedoIlooklikethekindofmadmanwhowouldprowlaround
graveyardsdiggingupfreshlyburiedcorpses?
Man:WellProfessor...
Frederick:Dontanswerthat.
ImnotaFrankenstein
Idontindulgeinhijinxortomfoolery
ImnotaFrankenstein
Idontbelieveinmummies,ghosts,orghoulerie.

IdealinfactnotcWon
IamascienWst
Ilivefortruthandreason
ThatsthereasonIexist.
Thereisavastdierencebetweenmycrazygrandfathersdelusional
experimentsandmyowndevoWontopurescience.Whichleadsusdirectlyto
thesubjectoftodayslecture.
TheBrain
ThereisnothingliketheBrain
HeartsandlungsaresimplyWnkertoys
WhenstackedagainsttheBrain
Insane
IminsaneabouttheBrain
NoinvenWonintheuniverse
IsequaltotheBrain
Themouth'samarvelwhenitcomestoeaWngIvenothingagainstthewomb
IthankthebladderwhenImexcreWng
AndIalwaysgivetheelbowroom
ButtheBrain
Pleaseallowmetoexplain
Theresnoorgantocomparetoit
Isweartoit.
It'splain!
ItstheBrain
TwoMen
(Raisinghishand)Sir?
Frederick
(Pointstoonethenturnstotheother,sTllpoinTng)Yes?
Man

ImnotsureIunderstandthedisWncWonbetweenreexiveandvoluntarynerve
impulses.
Frederick
Verygood,sinceourlabworktodayisademonstraWonofjustthatdisWncWon.
Mr.Hilltophere.
WithwhomIhaveneverworked
NorgivenanypriorinstrucWonto
HasgraciouslyoeredhisservicesforthisaGernoonsdemonstraWon
HisMedullaOblongata
TellshisbrainstemthatitsgoXa
Sendanimpulsefullofdata
Whichcreatesalotofpain
Hisfrontallobegetsbusy
Withathoughtthatmakeshimdizzy
PutshiscortexinaWzzy
Soheneverwillcomplain
ThatswhatIloveabouttheBrain
Mr.Hilltop,willyoupleasehopuponyourfeetandstandbesidethistable?(He
crawlsothegurney)Nicehopping.
Mr.Hilltop,willyouraiseyourleGkneeplease.
YouhavejustwitnessedavoluntarynerveimpulseMr.Hilltop,youmaylower
yourknee
Reexmovements,ontheotherhand
Arethosewhicharemadeindependentlyofthewill
WhyyoudirtyroXenyellowsonofabitch!
EventhoughIalmostkneedhim
Hisreexeshavenofreedom
ToreactwhenImistreathim
ItsimportantIexplain

SynapWcNerveConnecWon
GoesitswaywithoutdetecWon
BringingCranialProtecWon
Inaneverendingchain
ThatswhatIloveabouttheBrain
Butwhatifweweretoblockthosenerveimpulses
Bysimplyapplyinglocalpressure
WhichcanbedonewithanyordinarymetalclampJustattheswellingofthe
posteriornerverootsForsayoh...4seconds
Whyyoumothergrabbingbastard!
(HekneesMr.Hilltopinthecrotch)
AsyoucanseeeventhoughIjustsmashedmykneeintohiscrotchHedoesnot
react,hefeelsabsolutelynothing
(Mr.Hilltopmoansinpain)
...Moreorless.
So,ifitwerenotforthisconWnuousstreamofmotorimpulsesfromtheBrain
wewouldcollapselikeabunchofbroccoli
Andinconclusion
Sotheresnoconfusion
Letmesayitonceagain
Thoughyourgenetalia
Hasbeenknowntofailya
YoucanbetyourassontheBrain!
Everybody!
All:
TheBrain!
ThereisnothingliketheBrain!
Itsthekingofouranatomy

Andevershallitreign!
Frederick:
Youcan
CallmeCopernicus,Kepplar,andNewton
ComparemetoFreudandIdfeelhighfaluWn
CallmeaDarwinIlovethatmanstheory
CallmePasteurandwatchmegetteary
SayMadamCuriethatwouldbethebest
CallmeaRorschachImuptothetest
IreallylightupwhenyoucallmeEdisonCallmeanEhrlichIlikethatmans
medicine
CallmeMarconithatwirelesswow!
CallmePavlovandIbarklikeachouxWoof!
CallmeanEinsteinandthatwouldbene
CallmeaTeslaIwouldntdecline
ButtocallmeaFrankensteinwouldbeinsane
CuzI
Love
The
Brain!!!!!!
(Abellrings)
Frederick
Classdismissed
Chorus:(sings)
TheBrain
Thereisnothinglikethebrain
Postman(entering)
Frankenstein!Dr.Frankenstein!CableGramforDr.Frankenstein!
Frederick

ThatsFronkensteen,mynameispronouncedFronkensteen
Postman
Ifyousayso.
Itsfromoverseas,TransylvaniaHeights.
Frederick
TransylvaniaHeights?WhodoIknowinTransylvaniaHeights?Readittome,
please.
Postman
Weregrettoinformyouthatyourgrandfather,Dr.VictorVonFrankensteinhas
passedawayanddied.
Frederick
Ohno!
Postman
Ohyes.
ItisimperaWvethatyoucomeheretohiscastleatonce.
Frederick
Ohno.
Postman
Ohyes.
YoumustcomeorelseyourenWreestatewillbeseizedbytheTransylvaniaTax
Authority.
Frederick
Ohno!
Postman
Ohyes.(Holdsouthand)
Frederick
Thankyou.Heresadime.

Postman
Ohno!
Frederick
(Mockinghim)Ohyes.
Postman:(HandsFrederickthetelegram.Frownsandexits)Goodbye,Dr.
Frankenstein.
Frederick(YellingaDerhim)
ThatsFronkensteen!!!!

NewYorkHarbor
(FrederickarrivesatthestaTon)
Conductor:Allaboard,please!Allaboard!Tenminutes,please!
Frederick:Elizabeth!ELIZABETH!Hurry!HURRY,MYBOATSABOUTTO
SAIL!
Elizabeth:(Ostage)Coming,darling!Imcoming!Imcoming!(Enters)
Imhere.
(Fredericksitshisluggagedown)
Elizabeth:Oh,mysweetdarling.Oh,mydearestlove.(Holdshim)Ill
countthehoursthatyoureaway.
Frederick:Oh,darling,sowillI.
Conductor:Allaboard,allaboard!

Elizabeth:Oh,howcouldfatetearusapartlikethis?Me,your
adorablemadcapanc,inaParkAvenuepenthouse,dancingWl
dawnwithonegoodlookingguyaGeranother.
FrederickandElizabeth:(Laugh)
Elizabeth:Andyou,allalone,onthestormyseas,desperatelyclinging
toyourmasthead.
Frederick:Idogetterriblylonely.
Elizabeth:Oh,Freddie,Icantletyougoaway!Isimplycant
Frederick:Oh,mylove(Triestokissheronthelips)
Elizabeth:(Pullsaway)LIPS!LipsWck,darling.
Frederick:What?
Elizabeth:Imsorry;IhavetogotothatpartytonightatNickyand
Nanas.
Frederick:Oh,yes,Imsorry,darling.
Conductor:Allaboard!Lastcall,allaboard!
Elizabeth:Oh,darling,howcanIsayinafewminuteswhathastaken
mealifeWmetounderstand?
Frederick:Doesthatmeanyouloveme?
Elizabeth:Youbetyourbootsitdoes,Mister.
Frederick:Oh,Elizabeth,theloveofmy(Goestotakeherhands)

Elizabeth:(Pullsherhandsaway)NAILS!Nails,darling.Imsorry;they
takethreemonthstodry.Hey,you,Ihopesomebodylikeold
fashionedweddings.
Frederick:IpreferoldfashionedweddingNIGHTS!
Elizabeth:Oh,darling,youreincorrigible!(Frederickgoesforher.She
avoidshim)HAIR!Hair,darling!Justhaditdone.IseXledforsixhours
byMarshallhimself.
Frederick:Imsorry.ButIIpromise,darling,nottostepastepcloser.
Elizabeth:Oh,thankyou,darling.
Frederick:IcansWlldream,cantI?

Please,DontTouchMe
[Elizabeth]
Dreamallyouwant,mydarling
OfeverylusVulsituaWon
Thosenaughtythoughts
Arenewithme
Aslongasthey
Staylockedaway
InyourimaginaWon
YoucanhugmeWlIscream
Ifit'sonlyinadream
Butpleasedon'ttouchme
YoucanfeelmeWlIsqueal
Justaslongasit'snotreal
Butpleasedon'ttouchme

YoucansWckme
Youcanlickme
YoucanpinchmeWlI'mblue
Youcanbiteme
AnddelightmeWlI'mblind
Youcansavageme
Andravageme
Icarenotwhatyoudo
Ifthelovelylthythingsyoudo
Areonlyinyourmind
YoucanspankmeWlI'mred
Ifit'sonlyinyourhead
Butpleasedon'ttouchme
Youcanhavemedon'tyousee
Ifit'sjustafantasy
Butpleasedon'ttouchme
[spoken]
OhFreddie,darling,Iknowthatyou'reavirgin.
[FrederickFrankenstein]
Yes,forme,sciencehasalwayscomerst.
[Elizabeth]
AndaseveryguyinNewYorkknowsIcomersttoo.
AGerourwedding
You'llbeohsogladwewaited
UnWlthen
Takecoldshowerswhenyou'reoversWmulated

AnWcipaWonissublime
AndalthoughyoumightthinkI'm
Atease
Pleasedon'ttouchme
(Theywaltz,nottouchingeachother)
[Femalepedestrian]
Oheverybodylook!Howunique.They'renottouching.
[Malepedestrian]
Itmustbe"PleaseDon'tTouchMe,"
thenewdancecrazethat'ssweepingcatholicgirlschoolsalloverthemidwest.
[Femalepedestrian]
Ohwhatfun!Let'stryit.
(Everyonearounddoesawaltzwithouttouching)
[Chorus]
Pleasedon't
Pleasedon't
Pleasedon'ttouchme
[Elizabeth]
Donothugus
Donotdrugus
DonotslugusWlwecry
Donotthrobus
Donotrobusofourwits

[Malechorus]
Wewon'tpokeyou
Wewon'tstrokeyou
Tilwe'rejustabouttodie
[Elizabeth]
Buteveninyourwildestdreams
Don'tdaretotouchourWts
Don'tdaretotouchourWts
[Femalechorus]
Don'tdaretotouchourWts
Don'ttouchourWts
Don'ttouchourWts
Don'ttouchour
[Elizabeth]
Tits,Wts,Wts,Wts
Tits,Wts,Wts,Wts
Tits!
OurWts!
(Theboathornblows.Frederickdartsontotheship)
Whenwe'reabsolutelywed
YoucandoitWlwe'redead
[FrederickFrankenstein]
Elizabeth!
[Chorus]
Tilthenplease,please,please
We'redownonourknees

(Theboatbeginstorideo.Frederickblowsherkisses)
[Elizabeth]
Pleasekeepyourhandsothese
[Chorus&Elizabeth]
Pleasedon'ttouchme
[Chorus]
Wewon'ttouchyou
[Elizabeth]
Pleasedon'ttouchme
[Chorus]
Wewon'ttouchyou
[Chorus&Elizabeth]
She'ssotouchy
[Elizabeth]
OH!

TransylvaniaHeights
(Frederickhasarrived)
Frederick:(Approachessomeone)Pardonme,boy.IsthistheTransylvania
StaWon?
Man:Ah,ja!Track29!Oh,canIgetyouasign?

Frederick:No,thanks,Imwearingsuede.
Man:Svuede?Svuede?!Well,thewholethehellinventedthat(Unintelligible
Germanword)svuede?!
(Themanexits)
(Howlingofwerewolvesareheard.AmaninadarkcloaksneaksuponFrederick.
Eventually,herevealshimselftoFrederick.ItisIgor,pronouncedEyegore)
Igor:(InFredericksface)Dr.Frankenstein?!!
(Longmomentofsilence.Frederickstandsinfear)
Frederick:Ooh,youstartledme.Fronkensteen,mynameispronounced
Fronkensteen.
Igor:Yourepullingmyleg.
Frederick:No,Imnot.
Igor:Yourenot?
Frederick:Mmmmmm.
Igor:Well,thenyourrstname,doyoupronounceitFroderick?
Frederick:No.Frederick.
Igor:Really?WhyisntitFroderickFronkensteen?
Frederick:Becauseitisnt.
Igor:Asyouwish,Master.(Bows)
Frederick:Ah!Master!SoyoumustbeEeegor.
Igor:No,itspronouncedIgor.
Frederick:ButtheytoldmeitwasEeegor.

Igor:Well,theywerewrongthen,werentthey?Didyouknow,Master,my
grandfatherusedtoworkforyourgrandfather?
Frankenstein:Hownice.
Igor:IthasbeenmydreameversinceIwasliXle.ThatonedayIwouldworkfor
you,Justasmygrandfatherworkedforyours.Ofcourse,therateshavegoneup.
Frankenstein:Ofcourse.
Igor:Workingatyourside,Master,wouldbeaJoy!Wecouldopenuptheold
laboratory,reconnecttheroutetemperature,dustothelightningrods,and
wheneverythingisinWptopworkingorder,wellgotothegraveyardatmidnight
anddigupanicefreshcorpse.
Frederick:Youdontunderstand.Iwouldnever.Icouldnt.
TogetherAgain
[Igor]
(Spoken)
Oh,thefantasWcthingswe'lldo.
It'llbelikeoldWmes.Youandme.
Rightuptherewiththeworld'sgreatestpairs!
(Sung)
LikeLaurelandHardy,
likeCokeandBaccardi
LikeJulietandRomeo,
EbbandFlow,
ToandFro,
Together,Togetheragain...
TogetheragainfortherstWme,
Thoughwe'veonlymetinadream!
UpunWlnowit'sbeentheworstWme,

butnowthatyou'rehere,
we'reateam!
TogetheragainfortherstWme,
haven'tawoeoracare
NolongerabadandaccursedWme
It'seasytosee,youhavetoagree
We'redesWnedtobeagreatpair!
AllofmylifeI'vebeenstoogin'around,
nothin'todo,atmyloss.
AllofmylifeI'vebeenstoogin'around
Butwhatgoodisastooge
IfHeain'tgotaboss?!?!
TogetheragainfortherstWme,
backonthetracktorenown
We'regonnathrill'em,
We'regonnakill'em
You'llbetheteacher,
We'llmakeanewcreature,
andscarethebloomin'daylightsrightoutofthistown!
(Spoken)
[Frederick]
No,stopit!Stopit!Youdon'tunderstand.
I'llonlybehereforafewdays,toseXlemygrandfather'sestate,andthen
I'mheadingstraightbacktoNewYork.Nolaboratories,nocreatures.
[Igor]
Betyouchangeyourmind,master.
C'mon,joininachorus,itsfun!

[Frederick]
MydearIgor,
IhappentobetheDeanofAnatomyataworldrenownSchoolofMedicine.
Although,Idosingabit.Andwas,
infact,aWhienpoofatYale.
[Igor]
AWhienpoof,wow!C'mon,doc,nobody'saround!
[Frederick]
Well,nobodyisaround...whatthehell!
(Sung)
TogetheragainfortherstWme!
Haven'tawoeoracare!
[Igor]
TogetheragainfortherstWme
Haven'tawoeoracare!
ThisisthebestWme
[Frederick]
NolongerabadandaccursedWme,
It'seasytosee
[Igor]
Youhavetoagree
[IgorandFrederick]
We'redesWnedtobeagreatpair!
[Frederick]
MayI?

[Igor]
Takeit!
[Frederick]
Allofmylife,I'vebeenbossingaround,meanandalonelikeaScrooge.
AllofmylifeI'vebeenbossingaround,
Butwhatgoodisabossifheain'tgotaStooge?!
(PatsIgorshump)
(Spoken)
Oh,I'msorry,Idon'twishtoembarrassyou,butIamaratherbrilliantsurgeon.
PerhapsIcouldhelpyouwiththathump.
[Igor]
Whathump?
[Both]
TogetheragainfortherstWme,
Thoughwe'veonlymetinadream
[Frederick]
LikeGingerandFreddie
[Igor]
MacdonaldandEddy
[Frederick]
LikeSanJuanandTeddy
[Igor]
OrMeatballsandSpagheY!
[Both]

Butthepairthatwecryfor
Thepairthatwesighfor
Thepairthatwediefor
isFronkonsteenandEyegore,
FortherstWme
togetheragain!
Igor:
Walkthisway.
No,no,thisway.
Likethis:
Reallydragyourfoot.
CanyougoleGmore?

[Both]
TogetheragainfortherstWme,
Thoughwe'veonlymetinadream
[Frederick]
LikeGimbelandMacy
[Igor]
LikeHepburnandTracy
[Frederick]
LikeLombardandGable
[Igor]
Likegoodol'CainandAbel!

[Both]
FortherstWme,
Togetheragain!
Togetherforeveragain!

(Theycometoahaycoach)
Igor:Climbaboard,Master.AndwellbeoforCastleFrankenstein.WhereIwill
workhumblyatyoursideasyounowbegintheseriesofhistoricexperiments
Frederick:andhowmanyWmesdoIhavetotellyou,Ihaveabsolutelyno
interestinconWnuingmygrandfatherswhackywork.
Igor:Really?Ievenwentasfarastohireayoungergirl.Inga.Toassistyouin
yourwhackywork.
Frederick:YoushouldnthavebecauseIhaveabsolutelynousefor
(Agirlpopsoutfromunderthestraw.ThisisInga.ShespeaksinfullGerman)
Inga:Hallo!
Igor:Oh!Thisisthegirl!Inga!
Inga:Howdoyoudo,Doctor?
Frederick:Howdoyoudo?
Inga:IhaveaMaster'sDegreeinLaboratorySciencefromHeidelbergJunior
College.Icanfulllallyourneeds.Iamaveryhardvorker,andifnecessaryI'll
evenbendoverbackvardsforyou.
Igor:Yousaidgulchthere.
Frederick:Hmmmm....I'dliketosleeponit.(Realizinghiserror,makesjabbering
noisesandstuUersaliUle)ImeanI...I'dliketothinkaboutit.Bytheway,how
arewegeYngtothecastle?

Inga:Oh,vestraptherevithschlagen,wagen,suchen,fruchen!
Frederick:What'sthat?
Inga:Ahayride!
(MusicbeginsasFrederickandIngaclimbaboardthewagonandIgorsetsthe
horsesotothecastle.Ingasings)
RollinzeHay
Inga:
Roll,roll,rollinzehay
Roll,rollyourtroublesavay
Whenlifeisawful
Justjumponastrawfull
Androll,rollinzehay
Roll,roll,rollinzehay
Roll,roll,doitallday
Whenspiritsaresaggin'
Justjumpinavagon
Androll,rollinzehay
Inga:(Spoken)I'mveryhighspiriteddoctor.Ihopeyouwon'tholditagainstme.
Frederick:(Spoken)Oh.I'lltrynotto.
Inga:
Hitchzosehorsesupforagayride
We'llhavelotsoffun
NothingsbeXerzanahayride

Underneathzesun
Roll,roll,rollinzehay
SomeWmeslovendsavay
Youmightstealakiss
FromanunviYngmiss
Whosenottoresistanttoplay
Solet'sroll,roll,roll,rollinzehay
Inga:(Spoken)So,haveyouthoughtofanyvaysyoucoulduseme?
Frederick:(Spoken)Two.AndI'mworkingonathird.
Inga:(Spoken)Oh,good!DoesthatmeanI'mhired?
Frederick:(Spoken)Well,alargepartofmeispoinWnginthatdirecWon.
Frederick&Inga:
Roll,rollinzehay.
Igor:
We'llgoupthepath,thendownthehill,backupthepath,thendownthehill.
We'llgoupanddownandupanddownandupanddownandupanddown.
Frederick&Inga:
Upanddown,andupanddown,
andupanddown,andupanddownand
Inga:
Up?
Frederick:

Down?
Inga:
Up?
Frederick:
Down?
Inga:
Up!
Frederick:
Down!
Inga:
Up!
Frederick:
Down!
Igor:(Sunginunison)
Hitchthosehorsesupforagayride
We'llhavelotsoffun
NothingsbeXerthanahayride
Underneaththesun
Inga:

Yodeladie,yodeladie
Frederick&Igor:
Rollinit
Inga:
Rollinit
Yodeladie,yodeladie
Frederick&Igor:
Rollinit
Inga:
Rollinit
Cometakeahayride
Atakeyourbreathawayride
Rollinit
Rollinzehay
Yodeladie,Yodeladie,Yodeladie,
Yodeladie,Yodeladie,Yodeladie,
Yodeladie,Yodeladie,Yodeladie,
Yodeladie,Yodeladie,Ladie,Ladie,Ladie,
Yodeladie,Yodeladie,Yodeladie,Yodeladie,
Yodeldee.
(Howling)
Frederick:What'sthat?
Inga:Vervolves.

Frederick:Werewolves!
Igor:THERE!THEREWOLVES!
Frederick:What?
Igor:THEREWOLVES!THERECASTLE!
Frederick:Whyareyoutalkinglikethat?
Igor:IDON'TKNOW!Idon'tknow.
Ithoughtyouwantedmeto.
Frederick:WellIdon't.
Igor:Hmm.Haveityourway.I'measy.
Inga:
Yodeladie,hodeedae,yodeladie,
hodeedae,yodeldeedae,yodeldeedae,
yodeladie,yodeldee,yodeladie,yodeladie,
yodeladie,yodeladie,yodeldeedae
Rollinzedee
Yodeladie,hodeedae,yodeladie,hodeedae,yodeladie,yodeladie,yodeladie,
yodeldee,yodeladie,yodeladie,yodeladie,
yodeladie,yodeladie,yodeladie,yodeladie,
yodeladie,yodeladie,yodeladie,yodeldee.
Frederick&Igor:Solet'sroll,roll,roll.We'llallroll,roll,roll.
Inga:

Comewithmeandroll.
Frederick&Igor:(Sunginunison)
Rollinit,rollinit,
rollinit,rollinit,rollinit,rollinit.
Frederick,Inga&Igor:
Rollinthehay!

(Thegrouparrivesatthecastle.IgorgetsoandturnstoFrederick)
Igor:Welcome,Master,toCastleFrankenstein!I'llletemknowwe'rein.(He
crossestothehugedoubledoors,leapsup,andgrabsthetwohugeknockerson
thedoors.HethenbangsonthemthreeTmesandjumpso.Hefacesfrontand
givesagrandgesture.Hethencrossesbacktothewagon.FrederickpicksIngaup
andcarriesheroutofthewagon)
Frederick:(STllinawe)Wow!Whatknockers!
Inga:(Inhisarms.ThinkinghemeansherBoobs)Oh,sankyou,Doctor!
(Fredericksmilesandputsherdown)
(Thethreeofthemcrosstothedoor.Amomentlater,amiddleagedwoman
entersthroughsmalldoorcutintothehugedoors.ThisisFrauBlucher.Sheisano
nonsensehousekeeperwhoisverystern.ShespeakswithaheavyGerman
accent.)
FB:Goodevening.Andvelcome,DoctorFrankenstein.
Frederick:That'sFronkensteen.
FB:Ahh,yes,ofcourse,Steen.Infuture,Ivilltrynottoforget,Doctor
Frankenstein.
Frederick:Steen.
FB:Steen!Yes,ofcourse.UndIamyourhousekeeper,FrauBlucher.
(Attheword"Blucher",thehorseswhinny.Frederick,IgorandIngalook
astonishedandFBlooksthoroughlynonplussed.)
Frederick:Howdoyoudo?

FB:WhomayIaskiszislovelyyoungcreature?
Frederick:She'smynewlaboratoryassistant,Inga.
Inga:(RunsuptoFrederickandgrabshishands,injoy.)Oh,sankyou,Doctor!
FB:Assistant,huh?Sozat'swhatzherecallingzemzeesdays.(Shelaughsvery
hard.ADerabout57seconds,verypolitely)Howdoyoudo?
Frederick:Inga,mayIpresentFrauBlucher?(IngacurtsiesandFBnods.Again,at
"Blucher"thehorsewhinny.FrederickandIngaturntolookatthem,FBlooks
nonplussedagain,andIgorrushestocomfortthem)
Igor:Whoa,Blatan!Whoa,Decker!
FB:Allisinreadinessforyourarrival,HerrDoctor.Ifyouvillfollowme.Stay
closetozecandles.Zestaircasecanbetreacherous.(Shestartstoenterthe
castle.)
Frederick:(starTngtoenterwithInga)AGeryou,FrauBlucher.(Again,thehorses
whinny.FrederickturnstoIgor)Igor,whenyou'renishedwiththosehorses
couldyoubringtheluggage,please?
Igor:(master)Yes,Master.(FB,Frederick,andIngaenterthecastle.Igorfollows
themwiththeluggage.Ashe'sabouttoenter,however,heturns,facesthe
audience,andsays)Blucher!(Horseswhinny.Hesmirksandentersthecastle.
Thescenechangestothecastle'slibrary.FrederickandFBenter.Frederickstarts
tolookthroughabookwhileFBkeepswalking.FB,sensingthatFrederickhas
walkedoaliUle,turnstohim)
FB:MayIescortyoutoyourbedchamber,HerrDoctor?Everyoneelsehaslong
sincereWredforzenight.
Frederick:(crossingtoFB)No,IbelieveI'llremaindownhereandreadforaliXle
whilelonger.
FB:Asyouvish,DoctorFrankenstein.
Frederick:(WithanairofimpaTence)That'sFronkensteen.
FB:Steen.
Frederick:(raisinghisvoice)Willyoupleasetrytogetitrightonceandforall?!
FB:Steen.Steen!Yes,Ivillneverforget!(Looksup.ADeramomentshelooksto
Frederickandsays)Steen?
Frederick:(rollingeyes)Steen.
FB:Steen!(ShecrossesleD)Yourgrandfazer,Victor,alsooGenlikedtostayup
latereading.
Frederick:(PoinTngtoapictureinthecorner)Isthathisportrait?
FB:(Turnsbacktohimandsmiles.Withahintofloveinhervoice)Ja.Zhatis
Victor.

Frederick:Handsome.
FB:Ja.Veryhandsome.Hevasquiteahunk.(Atthisshebreaksdownslightly.She
recoversherselfquickly)
Frederick:(crossingtoFB)Bytheway,thesebooks,theyallseemrathergeneral.
Heidi,BlackBeauty,TheKamaSutra.Wherearemygrandfather'smedical
books,hisprivatelibrary?
FB:Idon'tknowvatyoumean,HerrDoctor.
Frederick:Nevermind.SomeoldreWredmailman.Goodnight.(Crossesaway
fromFB.FBstartstoexitandthenturns)
FB:Wouldzedoctorcareforabrandy?Whilehe'sreading?
Frederick:No.Thankyou.(Shestartstoexitandthenturnsagain)
FB:Somevarmmilk,perhaps?
Frederick:No,thankyouverymuch,that'sverykindofyou.(Onceagain,she
startstoexitandturns)
FB:OvalWne?
Frederick:(Raisinghisvoice)Nothing!Thankyou!(FBdoesthisonemoreTme)
FB:IcouldrunoutforaStarbucksGrandeSoyMachiaXa?
Frederick:(slowlyturnstoherandlosesit)IsaidNOTHING!!!Nothingmeans
nothing!!!
FB:(AstonishedandaliUleoended)ZenIvillsaygoodnight!(Sheexits)
Frederick:Goodnight!!(Hepauses)FrauBlucher.(Horseswhinny.Fredericklooks
upinastonishmentthathecanheartheirwhinnyingfromhere.Hethencrosses
closetothechairandstartstoponder.)Itwasfromthecrestofthefeather
coveredhillsidethatyoungRebeccarstseteyesonthesouthfarm(He
beginstofeeldrowsy.Heslowlyfallsasleepinhischair)
(Awolfhowlingisheard.Suddenly,theroombeginstoshake.Frederickawakens.
Helooksabouttheroom,infear.Suddenly,outoftheoorentersDr.Victorvon
Frankenstein)
Victor:(Ghostly)Frederick.
(AsVictorconTnuouslysayshisgrandsonsname,Fredericksitsthereinshockand
fear,notsayingaword)
Victor:Frederick.Frederick.Frederick.Frederick.(LosingpaTence)FREDERICK!
Frederick:(Screams)Whoareyou?Whatdoyouwant?
Victor:Iamyourgrandfather.VictorvonFrankenstein!Howdareyou,myonly
livingrelaWve,callyourselfFronkensteen?
Frederick:IcallmyselfFronkensteenbecause

Victor:SILENCE!!!!Mybelovedgrandson,listenclosely.
JointheFamilyBusiness
[Victor]
We'vebeentheprideofRomania
sinceTwelveOOne,
PassedonforgeneraWons,
FathertoSon
Descendedfromgypsies,
asproudaswecanbe.
Don'triskmycurse,itcouldbeworse
Embraceyourfam'lytree!
Jointhefam'lybus'ness
Learnthefamilytrade
Makeyourselfamonster
Maketheworldafraid!
Jointhefam'lybus'ness,
Youmusttakethefam'lyname!
Followinourfootsteps
andyou'llwineternalfame!
TheRoquefortsarecelebrated
fortheirRoquefortcheese,
theRothschildsarefamousfortheirwines
Hersheyshavetheirchoc'lates
andLiptonshavetheirteas
Butwhenitcomestomakingmonsters,Youcan'tbeattheFrankensteins!
Jointhefam'lybus'ness
Robagraveortwo,
Stoptheshopfromclosing,
Italldependsonyou!
Upholdthefam'lyhonor,
youmusttoethefam'lyline,

Jointhefam'lybus'ness
Jointhefam'lybus'ness
Jointhefam'lybus'ness
ForyournameisFrankenstein!
Meetyourfamily!
(Suddenly,allofFredericksfamilyenters)
[All]
Jointhefam'lybus'ness
Showsomefam'lypride
[Men]
Makeyourselfamonster...
[Women]
Andthenyou'llmakehisbride!
[Victor]
ListentoyourGreat,Great,GreatGrandfatherMordecai
[Mordecai]
Jointhefam'lybus'ness,boy
Ifyoudon'twanttodie!
[All]
AsyouknowpredesWnaWon
FromdaytheofyourcreaWon
HasdeterminedyourvocaWon
That'safact.
[1stsolo]
BecauseyouareaFrankenstein
[2ndsolo]
Youhavenochoice

[3rdsolo]
Youcan'tdecline
[4thsolo]
Soshowsomespine
[All]
It'sWmetosignthefam'lypact
(Instrumentalbreak)
Thisisyourfate
BecomeaFrankensteinbeforeit'stoolate!
Weknowyouwon'tregretit,
Youshouldexpressyourwillingness
Whynotacquiesce,reassess,
You'reunderstress
[Victor]
Justrelaxandmakeaserum
Comeupwithabrillianttheorem,
takeyouknife,
createalife
[All]
Itain'tnofuss!
[Victor]
Jointhefam'lyenterprise,
Bestbeprudent,bestbewise!
Timetoopenupyoureyes
Jointhefam'lybus'ness!
(Longinstrumentalbreak.Thefamilyallgatheraroundatable,demonstraTng
makingthemonster.Frederickwatches.Ahugegiantmonsterballoonrises)
[All]
Jointhefam'lyenterprise,

Bestbeprudent,bestbewise!
Timetoopenupyoureyes
Jointhefam'lybus'ness!
Jointhefam'lyenterprise,
Bestbeprudent,bestbewise
Timetoopenupyoureyes
Comeon,comeclean
Don'tmakeascene,
Yourname'snotFronkensteen!
Jointhefamilybusiness
Learnthefamilytrade
Makeyourselfamonster
Maketheworldafraid
ThisisoneposiWonthatyounevercanresign
[Victor]
Donotmakeafuss,
There'snothingtodiscuss
Youmustbeoneofus
[All]
YoungFrankenstein!
(Frederickissentbacktohislibrarychair.Hehasbeenasleep.Itwasalla
nightmare)
Frederick:(Inhissleep)Thefamilybusiness!IGOTTAJOINIT!BecauseIma
Frankenstein!!(Speaksingibberish)
(Ingaenters)
Frederick:Idontbelieveinfate!Iwontsayit!
Inga:DoctorFronkensteen!

(SherunsuptoFrederick)
Frederick:(Speaksingibberish)
Inga:Wakeup!
(Hewakesupandseesher)
Inga:Youwerehavinganachtmare.
Frederick:Anachtmare?Oh,myGod!Inga,itwasterrible!Myancestorswere
crazy!Itwassocrazy!But,boy,couldtheydance?
(Suddenly,somemysteriousviolinmusicisheard)
Frederick:Whatsthatstrangemusic?
Inga:Ihavenoidea.
Frederick:Itseemstobecomingfrombehindthisbookcase!(Searchesthe
bookcase)Whereisit?Whereisit?
Inga:Vhereisvhat?
Frederick:Thedevice.Ineverycheaplehorrormovietheresalwaysahidden
device.Atriggeringmechanism(HeslowlygrabsaredbookandJumpsoutof
theway)GETOUT!!
(Thebookcasedoesntbudge)
Frederick:Nothing.Handmethatcandle,willyou?
(Ingapicksupthecandle.ThebookcasemoveswithFrederickholdingontoit.
Ingastandsthereinsilence.)
Frederick:(Frombehindthebookcase)Putthecandleback!

(Shedoes.Thebookcasemoves,butitkeepsmoving.)
Frederick:Alright.Illtellyouwhat.TakeoutthecandleandIllblockthe
bookcasewithmybody.
Inga:Alright.
(Ingatakesthecandle.Thebookcasemoves.Fredericktriestostopitbuthecant.
Finally,whenthebookcasealmostcloses,Frederickgetsstuckbetweenthewall
andthebookcase)
Frederick:(Inhighpitchedvoice)Now,Iwantyoutolistentomeverycarefully.
Dontputthecandleback.Withallyourmightshoveagainsttheothersideof
thebookcase.Isthatperfectlyclear?
Inga:Ithinkso.
(Sheshovesontheothersideofthebookcase.Frederickissetfree.ButIngais
trappedontheothersideofthebookcase)
Frederick:Goodgirl!
Inga:(Onzeotherside)Putzecandleback!
(Frederickputsthecandleinhalfway.Thebookcasemoves.Ingarunsout)
Inga:Look,Doctor.Ahiddenpassagevay.
Frederick:Noshit.Whateverthatmusicisitscomingfrominthere.IbeXertake
alook.
Inga:Letmecomewithyou,Doctor.Imafraidtostayherealone.
Frederick:Thencloseyourrobeandfollowme.
(Theyenterthepassageway)

VictorvonFrankensteinshiddensciencelab
(IngaandFrederickarewalkingdownthepassageway)
Inga:Vereareve?
Frederick:Whoknows,butwhereverthatmusicis,it'somewherenearby.
(Thesoundofaratisheard)
Inga:(shrieksandgrabsFrederick)Vatvaszat?
Frederick:Don'tbefrightened,itwasjustarat!Justaslimy,lthy,disgusWngrat!
Inga:(sighsinrelief)Oh,sankgoodness.
Frederick:(stumblesoveraliUleandregainsbalance)Goodlord.Wherethedevil
arewe?
(Suddenlyashriekisheardfromnearby.It'sIgor,withhisheadproppedinashelf
ofdeadhumanskulls)
Igor:(sings)IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIain'tgotnoboooooody!Andnobodycaresforme!(Does
aliUlejig)
Frederick:Igor!
Igor:Froderick!
Frederick:Howdidyougetdownhere?
Igor:IheardthestrangestmusicdownstairsandIjustfolloweditdown.
Inga:Wellzenitvasn'tyouplayingzatviolin?
Igor:No,IonlyplaytheFrenchhorn.Andtheallstripedpiano.
Inga:Sozenzheremusthavebeensomebodyelsedownhere.
Frederick:Aren'tthereanylightsinthisplace?
Igor:There'sanastylookingswitchoverere.Buttheremightbedanger,Master,
ofinstantelectrocuWon!Youtryit!
Frederick:Alright.Heregoesnothing!(Hethrowstheswitch.Somevoltscracklea
liUle,butthelightdoesn'tcomeon.Frederickthrowstheswitchoandturnsto
Igorangrily)Damnyoureyes!
Igor:(Smirksandpointstohiseyes)Toolate.(HegrinsatFrederick.Frederickrolls
hiseyesandturnshisaUenTonbacktotheswitch)
Frederick:Let'strythisagain.Three...two...one!(Hethrowstheswitch.Thelights
comeuprevealingVictorFrankenstein'soldlaboratory.Thethreeofthemlook
aroundawestruck.)
Frederick:So,thisiswhereitallhappened.Mygrandfather'slaboratory.A
historicseYngforhislegendaryexperiments.Whatalthymess.

Igor:Idon'tknow,aliXlepaint,somedrapes,afewowers,couplethrow
pillowshereandthere....(Theylookaroundsomemore.Fredericksuddenly
noTcessomethinginacorner)
Frederick:Hellooo.(Hecrossestoatable)Whathavewehere?(Picksupaviolin)
Sothisexplainsthemusic!
Inga:It'ssWllvarm.
Frederick:Hmm.(noTcessomethingelse)Andlook!Acigar,sWllsmolderingin
theashtray.(Crossestothedrapesnearby.)Someoneorsomethingwasjust
here!(HepullsthecurtainsopentorevealFrauBlucherholdingasTckusedto
playaviolin.Theothersjumpbackinastonishment)
Frederick:FrauBlucher!(Fromabove,thehorseswhinny)
FB:Zat'sright!Iamzatsomevoneorsomezing.
Frederick:Thenthatmusic!Thenitwasyouplayingthisviolin!
Igor:SWllwarm!
FB:(crossingtotheviolinandpickingitup)Yes!Musikcansoothzesoulwhen
vordsareuseless!Yourgrandfazerusedtoplayzisexactsametune!Tosoothze
creatureshecreated!
Frederick:Thenyouplayedittoleadusdownhereintohislaboratory!
FB:Yes!
Frederick:SothatwasyourcigarsWllsmolderingintheashtray!
FB:Yes!
Frederick:Sothenyouwerenotjusthishousekeeper!
FB:Yes!
Frederick:SothenyouandVictorwere!
FB:Yes!Yes!Sayit!Sayit!Hevasmyboyfriend!
Frederick:Hewasyourboyfriend!
FB:Yeeeeeessssss!!!
HeVasMyBoyfriend
[FrauBlucher]
Lovecomeswhenyouleastsuspectit,
Lovedancesinonavim,
IsoughtmaybeIcoulddirectit,
ButIneverexpected...
Aguylikehim.
Hevasabullyundabrute,

Hevasascrazyasacoot,
SWllIdidn'tgiveahoot,
Hevasmyboyfriend!
Withev'ryvomanhevouldirt,
Healvaystreatedmelikedirt,
ButIvashappytobehurt,
Hevasmyboyfriend!
Ivasaspureasavirginmeadow,
LyingwithVictorinzegloam.
Thenheturnedtome,zatcharmer,whispered,"Let'splayfarmer."
Andplowedme'Wlzecowscamehome!(Laughs)
Igor:(spoken)ThisisalotofinformaWon.
FB:
Hevasamonsterandabeast,
Hismidnightbangingsneverceased,
Itdidn'tfazemeintheleast,
Hevasmyboyfriend!
(Spoken)
I'llneverforgetzerstWmeImetVictor.Itvasonzevillagegreen,atzeannual
bockbeerfesWval,vereverybeercostabock.
Ivasaninnocentyounglambandhevasadirtyoldgoat.
Veveremadeforeachuzzer.
Allofasudden,hetookouthisparaphernaliaandshouted,"Let'splay
croquet!",andotozeeldvevent.
HecarriedhishoopsandmalletsandIcarriedhisballs.
VhatafesWval!Funandgamesalldaylong.Archery,badminton,potatosack.
Victorvonthethreeleggedrace...allbyhimself.Itvasloveatrstsight.
(Sung)
HevaszeonezatIgavemyheartto,
Butveneverwedevenso,
IfImenWonedwedlock,

He'dputmeinaheadlock!
VhenIaskedtobehiswife,
Hestabbedmevithakitchenknife,
Ach,veredidzegoodWmesgo?
Ifhehadanangryt,
Ivastherstthingthathe'dhit,
ButIdidn'tgiveashit...
Hevasmyboyfriend!Yes!
(Songends)
FB:(Getsupandcrossestothebookshelfthatwashiddenbehindthecurtains
earlier)Here.Victor'sbook.Readit!Andseehowzedeadcanbebroughtback
tolife!
Frederick:Please,youdon'treallythink
FB:(shovingthebookintoFrederick'shands)Think!Iknow!Ivitnesseditvithmy
owneyesanditsallzhereinVictor'sbook!Here,sit!Read!(Shepullsupachair,
gesturestoFrederick.Fredericksitsandreadsthecover.Theyallcrowdaround
him)
Frederick:(readingit)"HowIDidIt"byDr.Frankenstein.(Chuckles)Figures.
(Opensthebookandreads)AsIbeganmyexperiments,Icametorealizethat
creaWnglifeaGerdeathwouldbedicult.ButwithaliXleluck,Icouldmakeit
work.(Looksupandlaughs)Preposterous!
(Musicbegins)
Frederick:Waitaminute.ElectricalsWmulate,right?Yes,Isee
(Nextthingweknow,weseeFrauandIngaaroundthetable,Igorisatthetable
tooonlyholdingadeckofcards)
Igor:Gosh.

Frederick:Changethepolesfromplustominusandfromminustoplus.Of
course!
Igor:527!
Frederick:Ialonesucceededindiscoveringthesecretofbestowinglife.Nay,
evenmoreImyselfbecamecapableofbestowinganimaWonuponlifeless
maXer!(Quicklylooksuptotheaudience)ITCOULDWORK!!
(Thunderisheard.Lightningstrikes)
FB:Itcouldanditmust!Andyouarezeonlymanalivewhocandoit!
Igor:Youare,Master!
Inga:Yes,youare,DarlingImeanDoctor.
Frederick:Idontknow!(Closesthebook)Idontknow,amIreallygoingto
aXemptit?YES,IAM!!!Firstthingsrst,Igor!
Igor:Yes,Master?
Frederick:
Thebrain
Wehavegottondthebrain
Abrainofsomeonewhowasgoodandkind
ABrilliantmind
Butsane
IwantyoutogetmethebrainoftheLateHansDelbruck.OneofEuropes
greatestthinkers.Ascholar.Andasaint.
Igor:
Iknowexactlywheretondit,Master.
Frederick:
Good,good.OncewehavethatbrainwhatisitmyGrandfatherwrote?(Opens
thebook)Ah,yes,hereitis.(Reading)AttheWmeoftheexperiment,

assemblinghumanpartswereagreathindrancetothespeedofmywork.I
decided,therefore,tomakethecreatureofagiganWcstature.(Lookingup)Of
course,thatwouldsimplifyeverything.
Inga:Inuzzerwords,Doctor,hisfeet,hishends,hisorganswouldallhavetobe
ofagreatsize.
Frederick:Exactly!
Inga:Hewouldhaveanenormousvanstucher!
Frederick:(aDeramoment)Goeswithoutsaying.
Inga:(turnstoaudienceinastonishment)Oof!
Igor:He'sgonnabeverypopular.
Frederick:So...we'llneedabodyaboutsevenfeetinheight,newlydead,and
withallitsvitalorganssWllintact.Hmm....wherecanweeverndsuchagiganWc
corpse?!
Igor:(Heisnowstandingonthetable.Withgreatgusto)Trustinme,Master!
(Acrackoflightningfollowshiswords.Blackout)
(There'sasmallblackout,andthenweseetheshadowofacorpsehangingfroma
rope,whichinturnishangingfromastakeinthegallows.Thescenechangestoa
townhall,whereabunchofmenscreamingandyellingovereachother.ADera
moment,avillagerspeaksuploudlyandthenoisesubsides)
Villager1:Icanfeelitinmybones!Zhere'ssomethingverywronggoingoninzat
castle!
(Theothervillagersstarttospeakupallatonceagain,unTlanothervillager
speaksup)
Villager2:Theyareuptonogood,Itellyou!
(ThenoisestartsupagainunTlInspectorKempgesturesthemtobequiet.Hethen
speaks)
Kemp:Alright!Let'snotrushtojudgment.(Thevillagersallsay"aww"in
disappointmentandsitdown.ADeramoment)Oh,vatzehell,justzisonce,trust
yourJudgment!(Thevillagersallcheer)Isayit'saboutWmevepaidavisittozis
youngFrankenstein.VepretendtovelcomehimtoTransylvania,butinstead,ve
villbedoingsomeseriousworldclasssnchooping.So,vemustallkeepourears
openandoureyespeeledforanystrange,orsuspiciousgoingson,hereorinze
villageitself.Undveareespeciallyonzelookoutforanenormouscartwith
threeWeredwheelsperhaps,carryingagiant,freshlydugupcorpse.(Aroundthis
Tme,awagonandthreemen,twoofthembeingFrederickandIgor,areseen

outsidethetownassemblyroom.AvillagernoTcesthem,andwavestothem.
Meanwhile,Kempkeepstalking)Ormaybe,acart.Itcouldbeilluminatedby
somelanternsofapairofcloakedgraverobbers.Orsomethinglikezat,youall
knowvatImean.(Thevillagersstandupandgrabthestoolsthey'vebeensiVng
on)Anyvay,youhaveyourorders!Wecan'tspareanythingeviloutzhere!
TheLaw
Kemp:
Rememberournewlaw!
KempandVillagers:
Anymanwhocreatesamonsterandharmsasinglehaironaperson'shead,
hanghimhighbytheneckunWlthatmanisdead.
(Kempandthemobexit,chanTngrallyingcries)

TheLaboratory
(Thescenechangestothelaboratory,whereFrederickisworkingonthecorpse,
whichisonanoperaTngtable.Inga,isnearby,handinghimtools,etc.Igor,
wearingaraincoatenters,carryingabraininajar.Hestartstoslipwhilewalking
alongthewetoor,asaboltoflightningisheard.Eventually,hebendsoverto
pickupsomething,andthebrainfallsout.Hethenexaminesthejar,perplexed,
startstowalk,andaccidentallystepsonthebrain.Helooksupwithan"Oh,shit!"
look.Hethenexaminesthebrainwithhisfoot,andthebrainmakessomesortof
farTngnoise.Herecoilsatthis,andthenpicksthebrainupcarefully.Hethen
rushesoutofthelaboratoryandreturnsamomentlaterwithanotherbrain,this
Tmemakingsuretokeepitinthejar.Heexaminesit,smilestotheaudience,and
thencrossestotheoperaTngtablerightnexttoFrederick,whohastakenoutthe
corpse'soriginalbrainwithaninstrumentanddropsitinacontainerthatIngais
holding.Hethentakesthenewbrainandinsertsitintothecorpse'shead.ADera
moment)
Frederick:There!Finished.Thisbrilliantnewbrainisnowinplace.Now,allI
havetodoisgureoutawaytoacWvatehiscortex.Oh,yes,ofcourse!Does
anyonehaveahatpin?
Inga:Ah,yes,here,Doctor!(Giveshimahatpin)

Frederick:Good!Just(Runsthehatpinintothecreaturesneck)
Igor:Bullseye!
(Igorstartslaughingmanically,andFrederickjoinshiminlaughing.Finally,
Frederickslapshimonthehump,andIgorshutsup.Fredericksuddenlyrealizes
something)
Frederick:Waitaminute,why'syourhumpontherightside?
Igor:What?
Frederick:Yourhump'sontherightside.
Igor:Whatdoyoumean?
Frederick:Yourhump,yourhump'sontherightside.
Igor:Ihavenoideawhatyou'retalkingabout.
Frederick:(startstospeak)Hump
Igor(cuVnghimo)No.
Frederick:(turningbacktocorpse)Nevermind.So,let'snowproceedtoaXempt
oneofthemostdaringandradicalexperimentsinthehistoryofmedical
science!(Asoundisheardfromaboveandtheyalllookup)Thestormis
approachingdirectlyoverus.Wemusthurry.ToyourstaWons.(Theyallstart
millingabout)
Igor:Iamset,Master!
Frederick:Igor!
Igor:Yes,master?
Frederick:Generatoron,please.
Igor:Yes,Master!Generatoron!
(IngahandsFrederickhisgogglesandFrederickputsthemaroundhisneck)
Frederick:Now,releasethesafetyvalveonthemainwheel.
Igor:Yes,Master!Releasing!
(Ingapatshisbrowwithahandkerchiefandteasinglyalmostkisseshisforehead
beforeskippingovertoherdesignatedspot)
FrauB:GreatScoX!Victor!Victor!Ve'redoingit!Veredoingit!
(FrederickcrossestoupstageofoperaTngtableandlooksup)
Life,Life
Frederick:
So,nowwehurlthegauntletofscienceintothefrighVulfaceofdeathitself.
(Sung)
EversincethebeginningofWme

Whenlifearosefromprimevalslime
DeathhasruledwithoutquesWon
Deathhasruledsupreme
WithouttheleastsuggesWon
Themancouldfoilitsscheme
Butnowwecallonscience
Toenddeathsevilreign
Weshoutinbravedeance
Thissoulshallliveagain!
Life,life,letmycreaturelive
Life,life,itslifethatyoumustgive
Fate,fate,throughthisstormandstrife
Fate,fate,givemycreaturelife
Tearthenightasunder
Castyourlightuponthedark
Thelightningboltsandthunderwilligniteamortalspark
(Theothersjoinhiminharmonyhere)
Life,life,erethebreakofdawn
Frederick,Inga,Igor&FrauB:
Life,life,letmydreambeborn
Fate,fate,throughthisstormandstrife
Fate,fate,givethe/mycreaturelife
Frederick:
Givemycreaturelife!
(spoken)
Thisisit!Igor,throwtherstswitch.
IGOR
Yes,Master!
FREDERICKFRANKENSTEIN

(sung)
Life,life,givemycreaturelife
Givemycreaturelife
(Spoken)
Now,throwthesecondswitch.
IGOR
Yes,Master!
INGA,IGOR&FRAUB:
(IncludeallOstageWomen,MaUhew,Paul,Jack,Kevin)
Givethecreaturelife
FREDERICKFRANKENSTEIN
(Sung)
Tearthenightasunder
Castyourlightuponthedark,
TheLightningboltsandthunderwilligniteamortalspark
(spoken)
Now,Igor,throwthethirdswitch!
IGOR
Notthethirdswitch!
FREDERICKFRANKENSTEIN
Yes,thethirdswitch!Throwit,damnyou,throwit!
IGOR
Yesmaster!Ahh!Ahh!
(AsheaUemptstothrowit,theelectricityshortcircuitsandheisthrownback)
FREDERICKFRANKENSTEIN
Inga,now!
(Ingathrowstheswitch.TheplaSormwiththeoperaTngtablerises,with
Frederickandthecorpseonit)

(Sung)
Givemelife!
Erethebreakofdawn
Letmydreambeborn
Beborn!
Throughthisstormandstrife
Throughthewindsweptair
Listentomyprayer
SWritsbrain
Letbreathingstart
LetmehearhisbeaWngheart
Givemycreaturelife!!
Inga,Igor,FrauB&Chorus:
Life,Life,Erethebreakofdawn
Life,Life,letthisdreambeborn!
Fate,Fate
Throughthisstormandstrife,
Fate,Fate
Throughthiswindsweptair,
Listentohisprayer
SWrhisbrain,letbreathingstart
LetmehearhisbeaWngheart
Givethecreaturelife!
(Thecracklingofelectricityisseenthroughoutthelabasthenumberends)
Frederick:Igor,turneverythingoandbringmedown!
Igor:Yes,Master!
(Thetableislowered.Frederick,Igor,IngaandFraugatheraroundthecorpse.
Fredericklistensforaheartbeat.HedoesCPR.Hechecksforapulse.)
Frederick:Nothing.Notasign,notaspark,Ifailed.UXerlyfailed.

Igor:Imsorry,Master.
FrauB:Idontgetit.ItalvaysworkedforVictorandhecouldntevensing!
Inga:Ithoughtitwaswonderful.Doctor,Ifeelsobadforyou.
Frederick:No,no.No.Beagoodcheer,allofyou.Ifscienceteachesusanything,
itistoacceptourfailures,aswellasoursuccesseswithquietdignity(Snis)
andgrace.
(Frederickraiseshishandsandgesturesthemthattheyareleaving.Theystartto
walkout,butFrederickstopsandrunsback)
Frederick:SONOFABITCH!(Hestartsshakingthecorpse.Frau,IngaandIgorhave
totryandpullhimo)Wakeup!Wakeup,yousonofabitch!Wakeup,damn
you!Wakeup!
Inga:Stop!Youllkillit!
Igor:Leaveitalone!
Frederick:Idontwannalive!Idontwannalive!
(Frautakeshimupstairs)
Igor:Quietdignityandgrace.
(HestartstowalkawaythesamewayFrederickdid.)
Igor:Youknow,Illneverforgetmyolddad.Whenthesethingswouldhappento
himthethingshedsaytome.
Frederick:Whatdidhesay?
Igor:(Ingruvoice)Whatthehellareyoudoinginthebathroomdayand
night?Whydontyougetoutofthereandgivesomeoneelseachance?

(Suddenly,thecorpsebeginstogrowlandmoanastheyarehalfwayupthestairs)
Inga:Vhatwaszat?
FrauB:Nothing.Iheardnothing!
Igor:Me,neither.
Frederick:MustbeourimaginaWons.
Inga:Ja.Justvishfulthinking.
(TheystartupwhensuddenlytheMonstermoansloudly)
Igor:Master!!
FrauB:Oh,vishfulthinkingmyass!
(Theydartdownstairs.Fredericklooksoverthebody)
Frederick:Itsalive.Itsalive!ITSALIVE!!!!MyowncreaWon!
Inga:Oh,Doctor!Youvedoneit!Icouldkissyou!
Igor:SocouldI!
Frederick:Notnow.No.Standback,wontyou,please?
(Theydo)
Frederick:(TotheMonster)Hellothere.Dontworry,wereyourfriends.
Monster:(Groans)
(Fredericklooksupwithaphewexpression)
Frederick:IsthesedaWveready?

Inga:Yes,Doctor.
Frederick:Please,getit.Wouldyoulikeustosetyoufree?
Monster:(Groans)
Frederick:Alright,then!Weregoingtosetyoufree!(Hebeginstounstrapthe
monster)
Igor:Imnotnervousaboutthis.Younervousaboutthis?Imnotnervousabout
this.
Frederick:(Finishesunstrappinghim)Alright!Iwantyoutositup!
(TheMonsterstarts)
Frederick:Niceandeasy.
(TheMonstersitsallthewayup)
Frederick:Good.Nowstandonyourfeet.
(TheMonsterstarts)
Frederick:Youcandoit,donttrykidakidder.
(TheMonsterrisesontohistwofeet.)
Frederick:Nowwalk.
Inga:Doctor,Imfrightened!
Igor:Yourefrightened?!Doctor,Imterried!
FrauB:Imnot.Ifyouaskme,feelslikeoldWmes.

(TheMonsterwalks,grunTng,withitsarmsout)
Frederick:Good.Thatsgood.Thatsaverygoodboy!
(IgorlightsacigareUe.ThesmokeshootsintotheMonsterseyes)
Monster:(Screams)
(TheMonstergrabsFrederickbythethroatandbeginstochokehim.Frederick
triestospeakbutcant,soheuseshandgestures)
Igor:(AsFrederickstartstosayGivehimthe,theotherthreecrowdaround
him)What?!What?!Givehimthewhat?!Oh!Igetit,charades,alright,
charades!Firstsyllable!Firstsyllable!Soundslike(Frederickmimes)
Inga:Head?Itsoundslikehead,amed,fed,ted!
Frau:Bed?
Igor:Sed?Sed!
Frau:Secondword?Secondone?Dierentvord!Uh...(withtheothertwo)Ah!
Igor:Seda
Inga:SedaWve!
Igor:No,no!Thewholething!Thewholething!!Ivegotit!Ivegotit!Flying
DowntoRio!!(Makesagrandgestureasthemonstergroans)Umm...thirdword?
FrauB:Give!Give!
Inga:(realizes)SedaWve!GivehimzesedaWve!(ShejamsthesedaTveinthe
monstersback.Thereisahugehubbubasallfourofthem,withFrederick
carryingthemonsteronhisback,bringthemonsterbacktotheoperaTngtable.
Themonsterscreamswhilethishappens.)
Igor:Igothim!Igothim!Imtakingcareofit,boss!

Frederick:(nallyseVnghimdown)Okay,down!Down!(HethenleansontoIgor
forsupportastheybothbreatheheavily.ADeramoment)
Frederick:FlyingDowntoRio?!!
Igor:Sorry,boss.
Frederick:Ahh!
Inga:(rushingover)Doctor,areyoualright?
Frederick:Yes,Imne.Justne.Justsecurethestraps,please.(Crossingoverto
somechairs,pickingthemup,andseVngthemdownondownstagecenter)Now,
Igor?
Igor:Yes?
Frederick:MayIhaveawordwithyou?
Igor:Yes,Master.(Crossingtochairs)IalwayshaveWmeforyou.
Frederick:(sits)Sitdown,wouldyouplease!
Igor:Thankyou!(HesitsongroundinaprayingposiTonlikeamonk)
Frederick:(gesturestootherchair)Ononthechair.
Igor:(standingup)Oh.(Curtsies)Thankyou.(Hesitsandcrosseshislegs.Hethen
smilesinnocently)
Frederick:Now,Igor,thatbrainthatyoubroughtme,wasitthebrainofthelate
(Slowlyandwithvenom)HansDelbruck,ascholarandasaint?
Igor:Notexactly.No,IdroppedhisbrainandsplaXeredontheoor.Itook
anotherone.Anyway,HerrDelbrucksbrainwassmall.Toomanyridgesonit.I
gotawaybeXerone.Twiceasbig.Smooth!Notawrinkleonit!
Frederick:(Smiling,playfully)Imbuyingitsofar.So,umm,couldyoutellme
whosebrainIdidputin?

Igor:YouwontbeangryifItoldyou?
Frederick:(laughsquietlyandspeaksquietly)No,Iwontbeangry.
Igor:AbbySomebody.
Frederick:AbbySomebody.Abbywho?
Igor:AbbyNormal.(Swingshislegsanddgetsuncomfortably)
Frederick:(silently)Abby,huh?
Igor:Almostsurethatwasthename.
Frederick:(slowlyashestandsup)AreyoutellingmethatIputinanabnormal
brainintoanalmostsevenfoottall(startstoscream)fourfootwideGORILLA!!!!
(HehasmovedbehindIgoratthispointandatGORILLA!!!Startstochokehim.
Forafewseconds,FrederickscreamsincoherentlyasIngaandFrauB.movetopry
himo)
Igor:Yousaidyouwouldntbemad!
Frederick:ILIED!!!
(Suddenly,thereisaloudknock)
Frederick:Whatsthat?
Inga:Someonesatzefrontdoor!
FrauB:Itmustbezevillagers!
Frederick:Damnit!!Ihavetoletthemin.Wemusthurry!Wehavetoquickly
changeourclothessoitdoesnotlooklikewevebeenworkinginthelaboratory.
(Frederick,IgorandIngastarttoexit.Theystoponthestairs)Igor?
Igor:Yes,Master?
Frederick:Areyouhurt?

Igor:Onlymyfeelings.(Thethreeexit.FrauBhasstayedbehind.Shecrossesto
theoperaTngtable,andsingstothenowunconsciousmonster)
FrauB:
Zesayyoureevilbutzerewrong
Ivillprotectyoufromzethrong
MyViktorknewitallalong
Ivishyoucouldhaveknownhim
Hevasmyboyfriend
(Throughthisrepriseofhersolo,FrauBrunsherhandsalongthemonstersface
lovingly.Attheendofthesong,theresablackout)

WelcometoTransylvania
(Aslightscomeup,weseethevillagersholdingabannersaying"WelcomeTo
Transylvania"onit.Kempisstandingnearby.TheysingtoFrederickandInga,who
arewatchingfromtheside.)
[VillageQuartet]
Hmmmmm...
WelcometoTransylvania,
We'reveryhappythatyou'rehere!
WelcometoTransylvania,
Wegreetyouwithamightycheer!
Chalujnik!
[Kemp]
We'reconsideredbothaDeathandaTouristTrap

[AllFive]
ThankstoalltheFrankensteins,
Youputusonthemap!
[Bass]
So...
[VillageQuartet]
WelcometoTransylvania
[Kemp]
Thoughvampiressuckyourbloodatnight,
andwerewolvesprowlinthepalemoonlight
[AllFive]
Andzombieshaveatendencytoroam,
It'stheplacethatwehumblycallHome
Transylvania!

(Thesongendswithagrandgesturebythevillagers.Frederickthenturnsto
Kemp)

Frederick:Thankyou,thatwasdelighVul.
Kemp:Oh,butvearedelightedtobehere,HerrDoctor!"Youarevelcome"
vagon!(Thevillagersgiveacheer)(laughs)So,I'mfeelingabitofachillouthere.
Mayvecomein?
Frederick:No.
Kemp:Vynot?

Frederick:Uhh...becauseit'sthemaid'sdayoandthecastle'safrighVulmess.
(IgorcrossestorightnexttoFrederick)
Igor:AfrighVulmess!
Inga:AfrighVulmess!
(Suddenly,wehearthemonstergroaningloudly.ADeramoment)
Kemp:Vatvaszat?
Frederick:Whatwaswhat,Ididn'thearanything?
(Thegroanisheardagain)
Kemp:(crossingaway)ZatWmeIdenitelyheardsomesing!(Kempandsome
villagersstarttocrowdaroundthedoor.)
(Frederick,speakstoIgorinfasttones.)

TransylvaniaMania
Frederick:Themonster'sawake,we'vegottocomeupwithsomesortof
diversion.Now!(Ingablocksthedoor.Themonster'sgroansstarttogetlouder.)
(Igorrunscenterstagewithanaccordion)
Monster:Oooooooooh!
Igor:(Singingwiththeaccordion)
OOOOOOOOOHForgetaboutthefoxtrot,throwawaythewaltz,takeaway
thetwostepandallthatotherschmaltz!
Monster:(Groaning)Ahrrrrrrrrr!
Igor:
(Triestomakethegroaningsound)Areyoureadyforwhatsbeengoingon?

Monster:(Groaning)Iiiiiiiiihhhh!
Igor:
(Triestomakethegroaningsound)Itsadoozy,makesyawoozy,itsthenew
phenomenon!
(Hesuddenlybreaksintosong)
Haveyouheardaboutthemania
ifnotthenletmeexplaint'ya
Yessir,
it'stheTransylvaniamania.
Whetheryou'reinRuritania
OradancehallinAlbania
Yessir,
it'stheTransylvaniamania.
Everybodywho'sbeenviewingitcan'tresistitsappeal.
Everybody'souttheredoingit,millionaireandschlemiel.
Sojointhefun,letsallbezanya
EvenLithsinLithuanialoveit,it'sthelatestrage.
Losethebluesanddon'tcomplainia
hitthedanceoorfeelnopainia
Loveit
dotheTransylvaniamania.
Frankenstein:
Justacceptitdon'trefrainia.
Inga:
Don'tresistit'sallinvainia
Igor:
ComeonkidsletsraisesomeCainia

Igor,FrankensteinandInga:
Yessir
Yessir
it'sthelatestcraze.
(DANCEBREAK)
Monster:
Ahh!
Frederick,IngaandIgor:
Ahh!
Monster:
Ahh!
Frederick,IngaandIgor:
Ahh!
Frankenstein:
It'sthecherrypiewithoutthepits
Inga:
It'stheweekendspentinBiarritz.
Igor:
It'salltheragewiththeFrenchandbrits.
Allthree:

TheTransylvaniamania.
All:
Aah!
Frankenstein:
It'sthenewestquipfromAlgonquinwits
Inga:
It'sthewinninghorsethatneverquits
Igor:
It'sthePaprikashwithanicecoldSchlitz.
All:
DotheTransylvaniamania.
TheTransylvaniamania.
It'ssouthernfriedwithasideofgrits.
ItsgenWles,Jewsandjesuits
IngaandIgor:
it'saetudeplayedbyHorowitz
Frankenstein:
It'sIrvingBerlin'sPuYn'ontheRitz!
Monster:
Ahh!Ahh!
(DANCEBREAK)

Frederick,Inga,Igor&Chorus:
TransylvaniaMania!
(DANCEBREAK)
All:
Haveyouheardaboutthemania?
Ifnotthenletmeexplainia,
Yes,sir,itsTransylvaniaMania!
WhetheryoureinRurtania,
OradancehallinAlbania
Yes,sir,itstheTransylvaniaMania!
RichandpoorareallsoGshoeingitinhotelsorhuts.
evendogsarealsodoingit,pedigreesandmuXs.
AllthedevilsinTasmaniashaketheirtailsandgoinsaneia.
Loveit,it'sthelatestrage.
Frederick,Inga,Igor&Women:
Grabasteamshiporaplaneia
TotheheartofoldRoumania
All:
Loveit,yeahyou'regonnaloveit
DotheTransylvaniamaniaAHHHH

Men:
Ah,Ahh,Ahh
Ah,Ahh,Ahh

(Monsterbreaksin)
FrauB:ITSFREE!HESNOTBAD,HESGOOD!!
(FredericktriestostoptheMonsterbutisthrownaside.TheMonsterripso
Kempsarm,throwsitandrunsthroughtheaudience)
Frankenstein(Spoken):
WhathaveIdone?WhathaveIdone?
All:
Loveit,yeahyou'regonnaloveit
DotheTransylvaniamaniaAHHHH
DotheTransylvaniamania!

15MinuteIntermission
ActII
AllAround
Igor:Whereareyou,Youbiguglybrute?!!
HesLoose
[ThreeSoloVillagers]
He'sLoose!
He'sLoose!

He'sLoose,He'sLoose,He'sLoose!
He'sLoose,He'sLoose,He'sLoose!
He'sLoose!
He'sLoose!
He'sLoose!
[Igor]
Aghhh!
[Kemp]
Theyreleasedahorror,
theyreleasedafright!
Lurkinginthedarkness,
waiWnginthenight!
Forthisactofmadness
Thereisnoexcuse!
Don'tyousee,heisfree
[TheVillagers]
He'sLoose,He'sloose,he'sloose!
[Kemp]
Hewillsackourvillage,
Hewillbreakourbacks!
Hewillrapeandpillage,
stophiminhistracks!
[TheVillagers]
Catchhimbytheneck
Putitinanoose!
Can'tyousee,

Heisfree!
He'sloose!
He'sloose!
He'sloose!
[FrauBlucher]
Here,Creature!Ivon'thurtyou!
[TheVillagers]
Searchthemarshes,
ev'rygladeandglen!
Catchthemonsterbeforehestrikesagain!
[Kemp]
Baryourvindows,lockyourdwellings
Helloheartaches,goodbyekvellings
Ev'ryone!
Ev'ryone!
[TheVillagers]
Searcheachhillandvalley,
ndwhichwayheed!
Combeachstreetandalley,
orelsewe'llallbedead!
[Kemp]
He'sloose!
He'sloose!
[TheVillagers]
He'sloose!
He'sloose!
He'sloose!

He'sloose!
He'sloose!
He'sloose!
He'sloose!

BackintheLaboratory
(FrederickandIngamakeitdowntothelab)
Frederick:Inga!Inga,IknowthatifIcangureoutawaytoinfusehisdistorted
brainwithintelligenceandhumanity,whywhyhedberightasrain.ButIcant
concentrate,notwhiletherampagingmonsterissWllontheloose.Icantstop
thinkingaboutit.Icant,Icant,Icant.
Inga:Zendont,zendont,zendont.Youarezevorldsgreatestexpertonze
brain.ButzhereareWmes,mydahrlingdoctor,venyourbrainshouldbezelast
thingonyourmind.

ListenToYourHeart
[Inga]
Let'sforgetaboutthinking.
Thinking'sneversmart.
Flushyourbrainrightdownzedrain
andlistentoyourheart!
Let'sbeacoupleofdumbbells,
Dumbrightfromzestart.
Loseyourmind,'causeloveitblind,
andlistentoyourheart!
Let'sbestupidtogezer,
notathoughtinourhead.

Birdbrainsofafeather
Whollyrightintobed!
Letsbetotallyfoolish,
Twonitwitsneverapart
You'llndsuchblissin,zekissin'you'remissin',
solisten,listentoyourheart!
Frederick:(Nervously)
Whatareyoutryingtotellme?

Inga:
Asev'rybodyknows,
ifitssexthey'rethinkingof,
intellectualsareineectuals
whenitcomestomakinglove.
Nietzschealwayssaidhevouldn't,
Schopenhauerthoughtheshouldn't,
andasforImmanuelKant,
Ev'rygirlintownknewthatKant,
couldn't.
(Dancebreak)
(Theystarttofallinlove)
Listentoyourheart!
Listentoyourheart!

(Removeshershoes)
Let'sbeblizzeringidiots,
singinglove'ssweetsong.
We'llblizzerev'rymorning,
andblizzerallnightlong!
(Shedoesasplit)
Let'sndthingsundiscovered,
Don'tresistCupid'sdart,
You'llndsuchjoy,
justbybeingaboy,
Solisten,
(Fredericksheartbeatsadrumbeat)
listentoyourheart!
(Fredericksmiles,nodsandgesturesheroneminute.SheremovesherJacket.
Theyleaponthetable;theycoverthemselveswithablanket.Thetablerises)
Frederick:Iveneverdonethisbefore.
Inga:Yodalayeeooh
Frederick:Whatareyoudoing?
Inga:Yodeladie,Yodeladie,Yodeladie,Yodeladie,Yodeladie,Yodeladie,
Yodeladie,Yodeladie,Eee!
(Theirclothesfalltotheoor)
(FrauB.andIgorenter)
FrauB:Doctor!
Igor:Inga!
FrauB:Doctor!
Igor:Inga!

FrauB.andIgor:(Overlappingeachother)Doctor/Inga!
FrauB:Ithoughtzeyvereinhere!
Igor:Theyare!
(Theypickuptheclothes.Theybothlookup)
FrauB:Andvatarezeydoingupzhere?
Igor:Ithinkhesdoinganexperimentinfemaleanatomy.ShesassisWnghis
brainsout.
FrauB.andIgor:Whatelsecouldpossiblygowrong?!
(Suddenly,thedoorburstsopen.Elizabethenters)

Surprise!
Elizabeth:
Itsme,itsme!
Itsmex9
Itsme,me,me,me,me
Me,me,me,me,me
Me
FrauBlucher:
Andwhoareyou,you,you,you,you
You,you,you,you,you
You?
Elizabeth:[Spoken]
WhyImElizabethBenning,Dr.Fronkensteensadorablemadcapance.
Imsurehesspokenofmedayandnight.
FrauBlucher:[Spoken]
Never.

Elizabeth:
Really?AndwhoImayaskareyou?
FrauB:
Iamzehousekeeper,Frau
(Horseswhinnyisheard)
FrauB:
Nevermind!
Elizabeth:
Ofcoursethatexplainsit.
PeoplelikeFreddyandmyselfrarelycanndloyalservants.

Igor:
(Growls)

Elizabeth:
Whatisthat?

FrauB:
ZatisIgor,zedoctorspersonalassistant.
(IgorbitesapartofElizabethsscarfo)
Elizabeth:Stopit!Stopthat!
FrauB:Stopit!(Holdsoutherhand)

Igor:(Mumblessomething)
FrauB:Dropit.
(IgorhandsFrauB.thepiece)
FrauB:Good.(Putsitbackinhismouth) (To Elizabeth) I'mafraidhehasn'tbeen
aroundmanyAmericanvomen.Letmevarmyou.
(Elizabethsqueaks)
FrauB:Letmevarmyou.
Elizabeth:No.
FrauB:Letmevarmyou.
Elizabeth:Uhuh.
FrauB:(Moreforcefully)Letmevarmyou.(PutshandonElizabeth'sthigh)
Elizabeth:Alright.
(Shebreathesindeeply.IgorandFrauB.exchangeglancesofdelightedsurprise.
FrauB.turnsbacktoElizabeth.)
FrauB:LetmewarnyouzatDoctorFronkensteenmaynotbeenWrelyhappyvith
hissurprise!
Elizabeth:(Withagrandgesture)Au,contraire.(Sings)
Everybodylovestogetasurprise.
Lifecanbesodullwithoutasurprise.
Whenyourspiritsdraggingandyourohsoblue,itallcanchange,
ifyourfatesarrangedanicesurpriseforyou.
Alltheworldenjoysalovelysurprise.

Lifesachore,aborewithoutasurprise.
Wheneverythingseemshopelessthenyourealize,
theresnothinglikeawonderfulsurprise.

(Voicesareheardostagesaying"Ready!"andduringElizabeth'snextline,a
bunchofpeopleenter.Thesearewhatshecallsher"Entourage.")

Elizabeth:[Spoken]
Allowmetopresentmyentourage,Inevertravelwithoutthem.
Marcia,nails,Sasha,makeup,Tasha,hair,
Basha,wardrobe,andBobmyastrologer.
Tellme,darlingBob,what'sinmystars?

Bob:(Withgrandgestures)YourmoonisinVenus,sodon'tdespair,loveisinthe
air.

Igor:(Lookingup)Youcansaythatagain.

Ensemble:(sings)
Everybodylovestogetasurprise.
Elizabeth:
EverybodylovesaliXlesurprise.
Ensemble:
NoonecouldrefusealiXlesurprise.

Elizabeth:
ProtestantsandJewsallloveasurprise.

Ensemble:
Whenyouremelancholy
Elizabeth:
Ohboohoo,hoo
Ensemble:
Andyoustarttocry
Elizabeth:
Dontyoustarttocry
Ensemble:
Causeanicesurprisewilldryyoureyesandtroublesgobye,bye
Elizabeth:
Bye,bye
FrauandIgor:
Somefolksdontappreciateasurprise.
ElizabethandEnsemble:
Noonecouldrefuseateenyweenysurprise.
FrauandIgor:
Speciallyiftheyrenakedwhentheirsurprised
ElizabethandEnsemble:
Everyonecouldusealovelysurprise

FrauandIgor:
Ifyouknowwhatsdoing
Elizabeth:
Asurpriseisbrewing
FrauandIgor:
Hereswhatweadvise,neverbotherpeoplewithasurprise.
Elizabeth:
Freddy,areyoureadyforasimplystunningsurprise?
Itsmex4
FrauandIgor:
Somefolksdontappreciateasurprise.
Elizabeth:
Freddydarling!
Itsmex5
IgorandFrau:
Speciallyiftheyrenakedwhentheirsurprised
Elizabeth:
Stopyourcrying,dontbeblue,itallcanchange,ifanicesurprisesforyou!
Alltheworldenjoysalovelysurprise.
IgorandFrau:
Somefolksdontappreciateasurprise,
Elizabeth:
Surprise!

Embracetheunexpectedandletthefatesdeviseastunning,
cunning,wonderfulsurp
(FrederickandIngaarerevealedontheoperaTngtable,whichhascomedown.
Ingaisnaked,withthesheetwrappedaroundher,andFrederickhashiscoato.)
Frederick!
Dr.Frankenstein:
Elizabeth!
Inga:
Scheiza
All:
Surprise!
(Elizabeth'sentouragestarttosupportherasElizabethwobblesandthennally
faintsasthesongends)

(Frederickquicklyslipsonhisclothes.Ingaslipsonherstoo.Elizabethawakens)
Elizabeth:Whathappened,Freddy?
Frederick:Itsalright,Elizabeth,Imhere.Imhereandyourene.
Elizabeth:Oh,Freddy,darling,thankgoodnessitsyou.ForasecondthereI
couldveswornIsawyoulayingnakedonatablewithabeauWfulblondegir
(HerhandtouchesInga.HerhandmovesuptoIngasboobs.Shesqueezesthem.
ShesmilesatFrederick)
Frederick:Elizabeth,please,allowmetointroducemylaboratoryassistantIngas,
ImeanInga.
Inga:Hello.

FrauB:Yes,sheshisassistant.Shevorksontohimdayandnight.SomeWmesyou
canttellwhenshebeginsandheend,Imnothelping.
Elizabeth:(TakesFrederickbythearm)Freddy,darling,pleaseexplaintomeJust
exactlywhatthetwoofyouweredoingtogetherJustnowunderthatsheet.
Frederick:Iassureyou,Elizabeth,thatwhatyouJustwitnessedispurescience.
Youhavetobelieveme.
Elizabeth:Wellalright.Iwillbelieveyouifyoucanpromisemethattherewas
nothingfunnygoingonbetweenyouandthatTransylvanianTroll!
Frederick:Ipromisetherewasnothingfunnyaboutit,wasthere,Inga?
Inga:Ionlylaughedvonce.
(Heglaresather.Shequicklyrunso)
Elizabeth:Well,alright,mydarling.Youpromise.(Movinghismouthasasmile)
AndsoIbelieveyou.Gladtoseeme?
Frederick:OfcourseIam.
(Theylaugh)
Frederick:Elizabeth,thereissomethingImusttellyou.Righthereinthis
laboratoryIBROUGHTADEADMANBACKTOLIFE!!!
Elizabeth:Oh,isntthatnice,darling.(Thinksthenturnsbacktohim)(Wideeyed)
Oh,darling,thatmustvebeensohardtodo.Whosmybigboy?
Frederick:Imsorry,thisisserious,Imustgo.Inga!Igor!
(Ingaenterswithaneedle.Igorenterswithamask)
Frederick:Letsgocatchthemonster.
(Theyexit.FrauB.approachesElizabeth)

FrauB:Ifyouvillfollowme.Stayclosetozecandles.Zestaircasecanbe
treacherous.
Elizabeth:No.
(FrauBpinchesher)
Elizabeth:Alright.
(Blackout)

TheHermitsCoXage

PleaseSendMeSomeone
[Hermit]
(Spoken)
Oh,Lord,pleasetakepity!
I'mblindandohsolonely!
(Sung)
Someone,
Sendmesomeone
Ineedsomeone
Whowillcare
Someone,
Sendmesomeone
Afriendtoenddespair
Someonetocomfortmysoul,
Someonetomakemylifewhole,
Canyouhearme?

Someone,
I'mprayingforsomeone,
I'msayingthere'ssomeone
Outthereforme!
EachnightI'myearning,
Tossingandturning,
Dreamingmydreamcomestrue!
Someone,
Pleasesendmesomeone,
I'msoblue.
(Spoken)
Oh,lordy.Imprayingtoyou!Lookdownonyourpoorblindhermit.
It'sbeensolongsinceIfeltthetouchofsomeone'shand,
solongsinceIheardthesoundofsomeone'svoice.
Eachnight,allIhearisthewindinthetrees,andifI'mlucky,anowlmaybe...a
cricket.
Oh,Lord,let'sfaceit,we'retalkin'LONELYhere.
(Sung)
Canyouhearme?
Someone,
I'mprayingforsomeone,
I'msayingthere'ssomeone
Outthereforme.
EachnightI'myearning,
Tossingandturning,
Dreamingmydreamcomestrue!

Someone,
Pleasesendmesomeone,
DearGod,sendsomeone
[Monstercrashesin]
Thankyou!

Hermit:Hello,Stranger.MynameisHarold.Whatsyourname?
Monster:(Moans)
Hermit:Imsorry,Ididnthearthat.
Monster:(Moans)
Hermit:Oh,forgiveme.Ididntrealizethatyouwereamute.(Feelshim)Oh,an
incrediblelargemute.Come.Comeinoutofthecold.Ivelivedhereforsomany
yearsandeventhoughblind,IknowthiscoXagelikethebackofmyhand.What
isthat,awart?Nevermind.Youmustbehungry.Cometothetable.
(TheMonsterbangshisheadofafryingpanhangingabove)
Hermit:Watchoutforthefryingpan.(Pullsupachair)Now,friend,make
yourselfcomfortable.Sithere.
(TheMonsterisabouttosit)
Hermit:Maybehere.(Movesthechair)
(TheMonsterfalls)
Hermit:Howaboutanicehotbowlofchickennoodlesoup?(Handshimabowl)
Monster:(Groans)

Hermit:WasthatHoldthenoodles?Yougotit.Herewego.Nice,hot,boiling
soup.(Bringsoverthepotandspoon)Holdoutyourbowl.
(TheMonsterdoes.TheHermitaccidentallypoursthesoupontheMonsters
chest)
Monster:(Screams)
Hermit:Anotherscreamofdelight.More?
Monster:(Moans)
Hermit:Hereyougo.
(HeaccidentallypoursitontheMonsteragain)
Monster:(Screams)
Hermit:Youreallylikeit.Now,Iknow,letscelebrate.Ivebeensavingthis
specialboXleofwineforJustsuchaJoyousoccasion.(HandstheMonstera
glass)Holdoutyourglass.(Hepourshisglass)
(TheMonsterisabouttodrink)
Hermit:No,no,dontdrinkyet.No,no,no,no.FirstFirstwemusttoasttoour
wonderfulnewfriendship.(Pourshimselfaglass)Tous.
(HeclashestheMonstersglasstopieceswithhisglass.Hermitdrinks)
Monster:Mmmm.
Hermit:Mmm,Iknewyoudlikeit.Wasntthatdelicious?Hardtobeatthatold
ve.Iknow,anaGerdinnersurprise.(Holdsuptwocigars)Cigars.Thereyougo.
(HandsonetotheMonsterandgoestogetacandle)
Monster:(Screams)
Hermit:Oh,no,no,no!Dontbefrightened!Dontbefrightened!No,no,no,no!
Thereisgood.Fireisverygood.Fireisourfriend.Here,letmeshowyou.(He
lightshiscigar)Yousee?Fireisgood.Fireisverygood.Now,youhaveyourcigar.

Here,letmelightitforyou.Holditout.Justlikethat.(Heaccidentallysetsthe
Monstersngeronre)NowdontinhaleunWltheWpblows.
Monster:(Screamsandruns)
Hermit:Whatisit?!Whatswrong?!WhatsthemaXer?!Whereareyougoing?!
Iwasplanningtomakeexpresso
(Themonsterrunsoutside)
Frederick:INGA,NOW!
(IngaquicklyputstheneedleintheMonster.TheMonstercollapses)

PleaseSendMeSomeone(Reprise)
Hermit:
Someone
Someother,someone
Anyothersomeone
Forme!
(Heblowsoutthecandle)

(Blackout)

TheLab
(TheMonsterislockedinaroom.Frederick,Igor,FrauBandIngaareoutsidethe
room)
Frederick:Imgoingintherealone.

IngaandIgor:NO!
FrauB:Yes!
Frederick:Ivecometoagreewithyouthatloveistheonlythingthatwillsave
thatpoorcreatureinthere.(TakesFrauBshand)AndsoImustconvincehim
thatheisloved.Evenatthecostofmyownlife.
Inga:No.No,youmustntgoinzherealoneandunarmed.Youcoulddie.
Frederick:Idontcare.ImgoinginbecauseIhaveto.NomaXerwhatyouhear
inthere,nomaXerhowfranWcallyImaybeg,nomaXerhowterriblyImay
scream.(Seriously)DonotopenthisdoororyouwillundoeverythingIhave
everworkedfor,doyouunderstand?DONOTOPENthisdoor.
IngaandFrauB.:Yes,Doctor.
(Igorunlocksthedoorandopensit)
Igor:Breakaleg.Andniceworkingwithyou.
(Frederickgoesin.Igorshutsitbehindhimandlocksit.Helooksthroughthesmall
windowinthedoor.Frederickseeshim.Hequicklyshutsthewindow.The
Monsterischainedtoachair.FrederickbeginstolistentotheMonstersheart.
TheMonsterslowlyawakens)
Monster:(Growls)
(FrederickseestheMonsterisawake.TheMonsterfreesonearmfromthechains
withahugegrowl)
Frederick:(Calmly)Letmeout.Letmeoutofhere.
(TheMonsterfreeshisotherarm)
Frederick:GetmetheHELLOUTOFHERE!!!
(Ashescreamsforhelp,theMonsterfreeshimselfmoreandmore)

Frederick:WHATSTHEMATTERWITHYOU,PEOPLE?!IWASJOKING!!WHEREIS
YOURSENSEOFHUMOR?!?!YOUDONTKNOWAJOKEWHENYOUHEAR
ONE?!?!(Laughs)
(TheMonstertotallyfreeshimselffromthechair)
Frederick:JESUSCHRIST,LETMETHEHELLOUTOFHERE!!!
(TheMonsterturnstoFrederick)
Frederick:Ohfuck.
(FrederickispreUymuchdoomedunTl)
Frederick:Hello,Handsome!
(TheMonsterlooksaround)
Frederick:Yeah,Imeanyou.Youreaverygoodlookinfella,youknowthat?
Monster:(Groans)
Frederick:WELL,youare.Peoplearemeantoyou.Peoplehateyou.Why?Why
dotheyhateyou?BecausetheyareJealous!Becauseeverybodywishesthey
couldbelikeyou.Tall,dark,handsomegreen.Lookatthatboyishface.Lookat
thatsweetsmile.Doyouwanttotalkaboutsheerstrengths?Doyouwantto
talkaboutphysicalmuscle?DoyouwanttotalkabouttheOlympianIdeal?!You
areanatheist!AnAdonis.AGod!
Monster:(Moans)
Frederick:LISTENTOME!!Youarenotevil.YouareGOOD!
(TheMonsterbeginstoscreaminahappinessscream.HeliDsFrederickupand
hugshim)
Frederick:Oh,thatsaniceboy!Amothersangel!AndIwantthewholeworld
toknowonceandforall,withoutanyshamethatIlovehim!Wealllovehim.

ManAboutTown
[Frederick]
Nowyou'reacreature,
aprimiWvesoul,
youdon'tknowyourleGfromyourright,
you'relostinthedark,
youneedaspark,
toleadyouintothelight
I'llbethatguide,
I'llbebyyourside,
I'llpullyououtofthemire,
you'llbethegreatestcreaWonofman
sincetheinvenWonofre!
Monster:Rworrr?

Frederick:
Youwillwalk
youwilltalk
ev'rybodywillgawk
attheManAboutTown!
Fromthestart
Youllbesmart
Youwillbreakevryheart
YouretheManaboutTown!
AndIknow
whenyouopenthatdoor,

you'llbecheered,neverfearedevermore!
Raiseyoureyestotheskies,
there'snoholdingyoudown
Youwon'tbeaashinthepan
You'retheman...
YoureTheManAboutTown!
Thoughyoufeellikeabeastinacage,
sWckwithme,
andyou'llbe
onthestage!
Throwyourhatinthering,
theymightmakeyouaking,
andyou'lltradethathatforacrown,
You'retheman,
You'retheManAboutTown!

TheTheatre
FrauB:(Smiles)Youretookind.LadiesundTransylvanias,itismygreatprivilege
tonighttointroducetoyouamanwhosfamilynamehasforyearsbeenboth
famousundinfamous.(Laughswithasmile)Andnowwizoutfurzeradodo,do
letmepresentthisisfunnydoletmepresentDr.FrederickFrankenstein
Frederick:(Ostagewhispers)Steen!
FrauB:Oh,sorry.MakethatFronkensteen!
(Frederickentersinatux)

Frederick:InspectorKemp,disWnguishedvillagers,andmyfellowscienWsts,a
fewshortweeksago,Ibegananexperiment,incredibleasitmaysoundthere
animaWonofdeadWssue.WhatIhavetooeryoumightpossiblybethegang
weighttoimmortality.
Elizabeth:(Entersstage,clapping)Immortality.Wellsaid,Freddy.Wereengaged.
(Exits)
Frederick:(Smilesandnods)Thankyou,Elizabeth.Andnow,ladiesand
gentlemen,mayIpresenttoyourintellectualsandphilosophicalpleasureThe
Creature!!
(TheMonsterenters)
Frederick:Please,please,remaininyourseats;Iassureyoutheresnothingto
fear.(TotheMonster)Walk!Heeltothetoe!
(TheMonsterdoesso)
(Applause)
Frederick:Backwards!
(TheMonsterdoesso.Applause.FrederickgivestheMonsteradoggytreat)
Frederick:Now,ladiesandgentlemen,Igiveyouacultured,fesWnatedMan
AboutTown.Hitit.
(Blackout.ThespotlightshinesontheMonsterandFrederick,nowbothofthem
intux,tophatsandcanes)

PuYnOnTheRitz
Frederick:
Ifyoureblueandyou
Dontknowwheretogoto

Whydontyougo
Wherefashionsits

Monster:(Moaning)
PuYnontheRitz!

Frederick:
Dierenttypes
Whowearadaycoat
Pantswithstripes
Andcutawaycoat
Perfectts

Monster:(Moaning)
PuYnontheRitz!

Frederick:
Dresseduplikea
Milliondollartrouper
Tryinhard
TolooklikeGaryCooper

Monster:(Moaning)
SuperDuper!

Frederick:
Comeletsmix
WhereRockefellers
WalkwithsWcks
OrUmerbrellas
IntheirmiXs

Monster:(Moaning)
PuYnontheRitz!
(Dancebreak)
Inga:
Haveyouseenzevelltodo
UpanddownParkAvenue
Igor:
Onthatfamousthoroughfare
Withtheirnosesintheair
Frederick:
Highhatsandnarrowcollars
Whitespatsandlotsofdollars
Igor,IngaandFrederick:

Spendingeverydime
ForawonderfulWme
Now,ifyou'reblue
Andyoudon'tknowwheretogoto
Whydon'tyougowherefashionsits
Igor:
(PutPutPutPut)
PuYn'ontheRitz
Inga,Igor,andFrederick:
Dierenttypeswhowearadaycoat
Pantswithstripesandcutawaycoat
Perfectts

Igor:
(HachaChaChaCha)
PuYn'ontheRitz
Inga,Igor,andFrederick:
(Takeit!)

Monster:(Moaning)
Bahdadadumbah
Bahdadadadum
Wahwahwah

Wahbahda
Bodilydadum
Bodilydadum
Bedoobe
Doowah
(Reallysaying:Dresseduplikeamilliondollartrooper
TryinghardtolooklikeGaryCooper)
Igor,Inga,Frederick:
(Yeah!)

Monster:(Moaning)
Superduper
Inga,Igor,Frederick:
Come,let'smixwhereRockefellers
WalkwithsWcksor"umberellas"
IntheirmiXs
(TapDancebreak)
Monster:
PuYn'ontheRitz
Frederick:
PuYnontheRitz

IgorandInga:
PuYnontheRitz
(Dancebreak)
Monster:(Moaning)
PuYnontheRitz!
PuYnontheRitz!
PuYnontheRitz!

(Theyallbow.Suddenly,astagelightcatchesre)
Monster:(Screams)
Frederick:CALMDOWN!ItsJustaliXlere!
(TheMonstergoesontheloose.HepushesFrederickaside)
Elizabeth:Oh,Freddy,areyoualright?Keepyourhandsoofme,you
disgusWng,lthy
(HeliDsheroverhisshoulderandcarrieshero.)

[Kemp]
Searcheachhillandvalley,
ndwhichwayheed!
Combeachstreetandalley,
orelsewe'llallbedead!
[Villagers]

He'sloose!
He'sloose!
Again!
Hesloose!
Hesloose!
Hesloose!
Again!
Hesloose!
Hesloose!

ACaveintheForest
(TheMonsterlaysanunconsciousElizabethdown.Shewakesup)
Elizabeth:WhereamI?
Monster:(Moans)
Elizabeth:Oh!Itsyou!Whatdoyouwant?Whatareyougoingtodotome?
Monster:(Growlsandbeginstoremovehissuit)
Elizabeth:Alright,dontgetanyideas.Imnotafraidofyou.Howmuchdoyou
wanttoletmego?Myfatherisveryrich;hellbuyyouabrandnewBuick.
Monster:(Groans)
Elizabeth:Whatisit?Speak!Speak,youbigape!Speak!Whywontyouspeak?!
Oh,no!No!Please,IImengaged!SureIoneWmealmostbutIneveractually

(Helandsontoher)
Elizabeth:(Inthedark)Oh,no,youcantbeserious!Putthatback!Woof!
(Shemoansashemakeslovetoher)
Villagers:
Hesloose!
Kemp:AnysignoftheMonster?Orofthewoman?
Villager#1:No,Inspector!
Kemp:Thenwehavetokeeplooking!Ifwecanonlycatchthemonster.
Villagers:
Hesloose!
(Theyexit)
(Elizabethcomesout,allhigh.TheMonstercomesoutwithher,smokinga
cigareUe)
DeepLove
[Elizabeth]
(Spoken)Pennyforyourthoughts.
Youknow,unWlnowmylifehasbeennothingbutameaninglessworldofsilly
parWes.
ButIalwayssensedthatsomethingwasmissing.Love.
AndI'mnottalkinaboutpuppyloveeither.Aonenightstandloveor
cheaplove.No,whatI'mtalkinaboutisoh,what'sthewordI'mlookingforah,
yes.
(Sung)Deeplove.AtlastI'vefounddeeplove.
Beensearchingfordeeplove,forallofmylife.Longlove.Incrediblylong
love.Aconstantandstronglove,thatridsmeofstrife.Firmlove.

Agentle,butrmlove.Anunyieldingrmlove,forthismyheartcries.
Deeplove.AtlastI'vefounddeeplove.NowIwillkeeploveforeverinside.
[Monster]
Aarrrggghh!
[Elizabeth]
(Giggles)Again?Oh,you'reincorrigible,aren'tyou,youol'zipperneck.
Hmmm,wellalright.Sevenalwayshasbeenmyluckynumber.
Comehereyougreatbighotmonster!
(Theyfallinthedarkagain.Theydoitagain)
[Monster]
AAARRRGGGHHH!!!
(TheMonsterbeginstosobwhenthemusicstarts)
[Elizabeth]
(Laughs)
Whwhat?Whatisit,whatisthemaXer,isitisitthatmusic?Oh,forgetit.
That'sjustsomepoorlonelyfoolblowinhisFrenchhorn.
(Monstergroansandbeginstowalko)
[Elizabeth]
Whwhereareyougoing?You'rewalkingoutonme?Me?!
Oh,youmenareallalike.
Fiveorsixquickonesandyou'reowiththeboystoboastandbrag.
WELLYOUBETTERKEEPYOURMOUTHSHUT!!!
Oh,IthinkIlovehim.
(Sung)Deeplove.AtlastIfounddeeplove.

NowIwillkeeplovedeeperanddeeperanddeeperanddeeperanddeeperand
deeperanddeeperforeverinside!Foreverinside!

TheLab
(TheMonsterisstrappedtothetable)
Igor:Hesfastasleep,Master.
Frederick:Good.So,letsgetonwithit.
Inga:IsveabletoaXemptzebraintransference,Doctor?
Frederick:Yes,wehaventamomenttolose.(Aches)
Inga:Doctor,areyoualright?
Frederick:ItsJustatouchofheartburn,thefoodinthiscastle!Everynight,its
thesamething.Stuedcabbage!Stuedcabbage!
(Theresaloudcrash)
Igor:Angryvillagers!
(FrauBrunsdown)
FrauB:Doctor,zevillagershaveherdedusinhere!Zeyresurroundingzecastle!
Zeywanttotearhimlimbfromlimb!
Frederick:Damnit!ElizabethissWllmissing!ButImhopingoncethe
transferenceiscomplete,hellbeabletospeaktotelluswhathesdonewith
her.
FrauB:Transference?Whatistransference?
Frederick:MyowninvenWon.AscienWcbreakthroughthatnotevenoldVictor
couldveeverdreamedof.Imgoingtoprovethathumanintelligencecanbe

transferredfromonelivingbrainintoanother.InameremaXerofseconds,Iwill
endowhisprimiWvemindwithanIQof196,copiedintohismemoryfrommy
ownvastresoviorofcerebralgenius.Immodest,thoughitmaysound.
FrauB:Transference,isitdangerous?
Frederick:Don'tknow.Nevertrieditbefore.Butfranklyoneorbothofuscould
die.
Inga:Oh,no,zenwhyareyoudoingit?
Frederick:CauseImustforhim.CauseIknowthereisnootherwaytosave
him.Alright,Imreadytobegin.
Igor:Goodluck,Master.
Frederick:Thankyou,Igor.(PatsIgorshump)Now,waitaminute,wasntthat
hump
Igor:GETTOWORK!!!
Frederick:ALRIGHT!!!!
(Hestrapshimselftothetable)

Frederick:Inga,readythebraintransmiXers!
Inga:Ja,Doctor,readying.
Frederick:Igor?
Igor:Yes,Master?
Frederick:ConnectthebraintransmiXerstothepsychicinterchanges.
Igor:Yes,Master!ConnecWng!
Frederick:Inga,ifsomethingshouldgowrong.Ifsomethingshouldhappen,
JustIJustwantyoutoknowthatIhavethisfeeling.Ihaveafeeling
Inga:Doctor,zefeelingismutual.

(Theyleanintokiss,butFrederickisshocked)
Frederick:(Screams)
Igor:(Stopstheshocking)Sorry!AliXlepremature!
Frederick:Wemusthurry!Igor,throwthethirdswitch!
Igor:But,Master,whatabouttherstandsecondswitches?!
Frederick:TheresnoWme.Justthrowthethirdswitch,Isaid,damnyou,throw
thethirdswitch!
Igor:YES,MASTER!!!!!!
(Theprocessbegins.Onceitends)
Igor:Transferencecomplete!
(FrauBandIngaruntoFrederick.Hewakesupwithalargegrowl)
FrauB:OhmineGoX!Zedoctorsbeenturnedintozemonster!!
Frederick:Hell,NO!STUFFEDCABBAGE!STUFFEDCABBAGE!
(Theyreleasehimfromthetable.TheVillagersbargeinandtrytograbFrederick)
Kemp:Zemonsteriswithhim!Seizehim!

Villager:Yes,Inspector!
(TheylookattheMonsteronthetable)
Kemp:Whatswrong?Seizehim,Isaid!
Villager#1:It'salright,Sir!Hesdead!
Kemp:Dead?Areyousure?(Feelsforapulse)Ja,youreright.Hesgone!Thank
GoX!

VillagersandKemp:Ja,thankGoX!

Frederick:Oh,no!Ikilledhim!
Kemp:ButitwasnotonlytheMonsterwecameherefor,HerrDoctor.Itwas
alsoforyou.(HoldsupElizabethsshoe)Zhere!ZeleGshoezatbelongedto
FraulineBenning,foundlesszananhouragoinacavenearby.Allzatremainsof
zepoorwoman.AGeryourmonsterhadnishedwithher.
Frederick:NotElizabeth,Ibroughthimuponherdeathtoo!
Kemp:We'llhanghimbyzeneck!Fairisfair!Takehimaway!
(ThevillagersseizeFrederick)
Igor:WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Youvegotthewrongman!!!It
wasme!Itwasme!!!Imtheoneyouwant!Heneverwantedtocreatethe
creature!Itsmyfault!Imtheonewhoshouldbepunished!Doctor
Fronkensteenisinnocent!
Kemp:Alright,ifyousayso.Letzedoctorgo.WellhangIgorinstead!
(ThevillagersheadforIgor.)
Igor:Whoa!Whoa!Holdit!Holdit!IwasaliXlehasty!Truthbetold,Iwasnt
thatinvolved.(WalkingtoFrederick)Sorry,Doc,Itried.
Kemp:Alright,asIwassaying,takezeDoctoraway!

Villagers:
Hangthedoctor,puthimtohisdeath!
Hewillruethedayhecrossedourpath!

Kemp:
We'llwatchhimdie!


Villagers:
Wellwatchhimdie!

TheGallows
(TheputthenoosearoundFredericksneck)
Kemp:Undnow,myfellowTransylvanians,tonight'sfeatureevent!Zehanging
byzeneckunWldeadofDoctorFrederickFronkensteen!
(Cheer)
Inga:No!

FrederickSoliloquy
[Kemp]
Doyouhaveanylastwordsbeforewestringyouup,Dr.Fronkensteen?
[Frederick]
Justthis...
ThoughmyWmeonearthisdone,
ThoughIfacethisangrycrowd
ThoughI'mhatedanddespised
OfonethingIcansayI'mproud
Thisistrulymine
I'mamanwhohasnoshame
InshouWngouthisfamilyname
IamaFrankenstein!

Kemp:Verywell,zen!YoushalldieaFrankenstein!(crowdcheers)Onzecountof
drei,pullzetrigger.Nomorezandrei!Onzecountofdrei,preparetosay
goodbye!
Inga:(tryingtogettoFrederick,keepssayingthis)No!
Kemp:(counTng)Eins!Zwei!
Frederick:Waitaminute!Isntanybodyatthelastminutegonnarushuphereto
saveme?
Kemp:Non!Drei!
(Ondrei,theleverispulled,andFrederickfallsaliUle.audienceassumehe's
dead.Crowdgasps.)
Monster:Putthatmandownatonce!(ThecrowdandIngarushtothescaold
andstarttoclimbupit.AsavillageriscuVngtheropeoofFrederick'sneck,the
Monsterspeakstotherestofthemob)Standback!(mobgaspsandrecoilsaway
fromthemonster.DuringKemp'snextline,IgorhelpsbringFrederick'sbodydown
totheMonster,whocarrieshimandtakeshimstageleDandlayshimdown)
Kemp:It'sworthless!Whatareyoudoing?You'retoolate,heisalreadydead!
Monster:Notnecessarily.SomeWmesperchance,abrushstrokeofhope,awisp
ofmysWcfate,canawakenasleepingheart.
Kemp:AmIcrazy,what'sgoingonhere?Lesszananhourago,hewasadead
monster,ahellboundbeast,butnowheisalive,andtalkinglikeNoelCoward.
Monster:Itwascauseofhim,halfcrazedgeniusthatheis,henotonlyriskedhis
ownlifetosavemine,butgavemethepowerofspeechandabrilliantmind.
Kemp:Oh,ja?Ifyou'resobrilliant,what's9Wmes9?
Monster:81.
Kemp:Oh,heisbrilliant.Wait,zismakesnosense!Zedoctorisdead.Whatcan
zeMonsterdo?

Inga:Vedon'tknow.Butvecanseezatthroughzetransference,everythingzatis
inzedoctor'sbrainisnowinzemonster'sbrain.
Monster:I'mafraidtheInspector'sright.He'sdead.
Inga:No!
Monster:Andthereseemstobeno(hestopsandnoTcessomething)Wait.Ifeel
afaintpulse.Perhapswe'renottoolateaGerall.
Inga:Afaintpulse?
Kemp:Nonsense!Hisneckisbroken!
Monster:Who'stheexpert?!Bruised,yes.Notbroken!Andthespinalcordis
sWllintact!
Inga:Isthereachance?
Monster:Yes,oneinamillion.Ifonlyhe(hespeaksLaTn)Hisbraincanxthe
imbalance!AllwehavetodoissWmulatethecortex,buthow?!Wait,Igotit!
Doesanybodyhaveahatpin?!
Inga:(Handshimone)Here!
Monster:Holditsteady!And!(HesTcksthehatpinintoFrederick'sneck.Nothing
happens.StartstosobaDeraminutewith"No"repeatedly.Then)
Frederick;(ontheground)Yaaaooowww!!!Godwhotheheckstuckmewitha
hatpin?!
Monster:He'salive!He'salive!!!He'salive!!!!!
Frederick:(standingup)Yousavedme!Youbroughtmebacktolife!HowcanI
everthankyou?
Monster:Nay,Ishouldthankyouforthehumanityyou'vegivenme.Icould
neverhavereachedthatinmywholelife!And,perhapstoogoodtoallthose
I'vecometoknow!(hugsFrauB,IngaandIgor)

Frederick:Listentohim!Listentohim!!!Ididit!Ididit!!!!(Climbingupthe
scaold)Thetransferenceworked!He'smagnicent!
Inga:They'rebothalive!!!
Kemp:Butnotforlong!Stringzembothup!!(amongthechaosthatensuesfrom
tryingtograbthemboth)Zey'rebothresponsibleforzedeathofElizabeth
Benning!
Elizabeth:(entering)Didsomebodysaymyname?(Sheisdressedinanightgown
andherhairstylehaschanged)Well,I'msorrytobelate,nowI'vebeenlooking
highandlowformyleGshoe!(Kemphandsittoher)Oh!(Showsittoaudience
thenhasoneofherstaputiton"Cinderella"style)
Kemp:Vait,holdeverything!Ifshe'salive,allhangingsareo!(villagersgroan)I
know,you'redisappointed;I'mdisappointed,wearealldisappointed.
Nonezeless,youarefreetogo,HerrDoctor!
Frederick:Thankyou!
Kemp:Andyoutoo,HerrMonster!
Monster:Thankyou!
Elizabeth:(goingtoMonster)Darling,werethosedreadfulmengoingtohurt
you?
Frederick:(abashed)Darling?YoucalledhimDarling?!

FinaleUlWmo
Monster:Frederick,Irealizeit'sarathershabbythingforachaptodotohis
creator.ButI'mafraidI'vefallenmadlyinlovewithyouranc'.
Elizabeth:AndIwithhim!

Monster:
DEEPLOVE,ATLASTIFOUNDDEEPLOVE,
BEENSEARCHINGFORDEEPLOVE
FORALLOFHERLIFE!
HARDLOVE,ADIAMONDLIKEHARDLOVE,
YOUCAUGHTMEOFFGUARDLOVE,
WILLYOUBEMYWIFE?
Elizabeth:
Yes!
Monster&Villagers:
DEEPLOVE,ATLASTWE'VE(THEY'VE)
FOUNDDEEPLOVE
NOWWE(THEY)WILLKEEPLOVEFOREVERINSIDE.
Hermit:
SOMEONE,SENDMESOMEONE
INEEDSOMEONEWHOWILLCARE
FrauBlucher:
Excuseme,Doctor,Creature,Everyone!Ihavetoleave.
Igotablinddate.
Igor:
Doctor,Creature,Everyone,
It'samiracle!It'samiracleItsgone!Myhump!It'sgone!Agghhhh!!!Wait,no,
no,nope,
it'sinthemiddle.
Villagers:

Awe!oh!
(Suddenly,Draculaappears)
Dracula:
GoodEvening.IamthinkingofrelocaWngto
theTransylvaniaarea.Perhapstopurchaseacastle.
Likethatonethereonthehill.
Frederick:
Well,I'msorrysir,butthatcastleisnotforsale,
Itbelongstome,andI'llbelivinginthere
fromnowonbecause...
I'MGOINGTOJOINTHEFAM'LYBUS'NESS,
LEARNTHEFAM'LYTRADE,
MAKEANOTHERMONSTER
Monster:
Growl!
Frederick:
MAKETHEWORLDAFRAID!
WECANTAKEAHAYRIDE
WHENWE'REONOURHONEYMOON....
Inga:
Honeymoon?
(FrederickgetsonbendedkneeandtakesIngashand)

Frederick:Iwilllovethisfortherestofmylife.Mydarlinglove,Iwannaspend
therestofmylifewithyou.Willyoumarryme?
Inga:Oh,doctor,zefeelingismutual.Yes!
Frederick:
WE'LLMAKETHESONOFFRANKENSTEIN
THESEQUEL'SCOMINGSOON!

Kemp:
EveryonetomyhouseforaboXleofschnappsandwieinerschnitzel!!Zhere's
plentyforeveryone!!
(CrowdcheersandfollowsKempo.EveryoneexitsexceptFrederickandInga)
Inga:
Dahrling,ifyougavezemonsteryour
brilliantmind,vatdidhegiveyouinreturn?(Frederickwhispersinherear.ADer
amoment)
Woof!(Shegrabshimandkisseshim.Thechoruscomesbackon.Astheykiss,
FredericksweepsIngaoherfeet,intohisarmsastheyconTnuetokiss)
All:
WELCOMETOTRANSYLVANIA
WHEREBLESSINGSFALLFROMUPABOVE
WHEREEVENMONSTERSFALLINLOVE
THEMOONWILLALWAYSSHINE
ONYOUNGFRANKENSTEIN!AHH....!

CurtainCall
Chorus#2
Chorus#1
AndVictorVonFrankenstein
ChorusGirls
Kemp/Hermit
Igor
FrauB
Monster
Monster:(Shouts)PuYnontheRitz!
Inga
Elizabeth
FrederickFrankenstein
AllBow

CurtainCallSong
WholeCast:
TogetheragainWllthenextWme
Wearegladthatyoucame
LikeByronandShelly
LikeMaplesandNelly
LikepingpongandBadmiXon
MaybenextyearBlazingSaddles

UnWlnextWme,togetheragain!
Togetherforeveragain!