Author: Hammurabi

Published: Babylon, 1800 BC

If a married man fails to comment on his wife’s weight loss of more than six pou
nds, the wife shall be given the one-time right to slap him in the face in the m
iddle of the night without any warning or explanation.
If a woman catches her husband masturbating to anything other than his imaginat
ion, the wife shall be given two expiration free “Get Out of Sex Free” exemption
s, and the husband shall be forced to agree with everything she says for the nex
t twenty four hours.
If a woman interrupts her husband during the last two minutes of an NFL regular
season football game involving at least one team with a winning percentage of ov
er .600, the husband shall be given the right to tape her mouth shut for the nex
t two hours.
If a married woman nags her husband for more than twenty minutes in any two hour
span, the husband shall be given the one-time right to have intercourse with an
y woman or goat within a twenty seven mile radius of his home. Should she nag hi
m for more than twenty minutes during the second half of an NFL playoff game, he
shall also be given the right to rent his own bachelor pad for six months.
If a woman records herself masturbating with finger, toy, or cucumber, she shal
l email me the recording at ham@babylboninia.com
If a comedian steals jokes from another comedian, the thief shall tell nothing b
ut knock-knock jokes for the next nine months.
If anyone farts in the presence of a high official or a member of the Hamurrabi
fan club, the farter shall be locked in a room with a gassy donkey, and be force
d to smell the donkey’s emissions for ten hours.
If anyone commits a robbery, falsely accuses someone of a crime, purchases goods
from a minor without another adult present, takes the last cookie out of the co
okie jar, or boils a goat in anything other than its mother’s milk, he shall be
put to death. But if he has money, he shall pay a fine and spend time in prison.
And if he has a lot of money, he shall pay a fine, and a random poor man shall
spend time in prison.
If a man is caught watching anything that in any way, shape, or form, can be cha
racterized as a “chick flick,” and he is not accompanied by at least one single
woman, or at least one married woman who is known to fool around, then the man s
hall be forced to wear nothing but a bra and panties in public for the next thre
e hundred and seventy two days.
If a man accidentally puts his hand in another man’s pants, he shall keep it the
re for at least forty-seven minutes and twenty three seconds, or until the secon
d man sings our national anthem while setting his wrist sundial for daylight sav
ings time.
http://www.rodneyohebsion.com