http://spldbch.blogspot.pe/2011/07/self-intimacy-and-self-estrangement.

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Self-intimacy and Self-estrangement
Human beings are social creatures. Sure, we value our possessions and our achievements but of all the things we value it is our relationships we cherish most.
Meaningful intimate relationships give our lives meaning and bring us happiness like nothing else can. Unfortunately, problems in our interpersonal relationships can
wreak havoc on our lives and bring us untold misery and suffering.
Everyone has had some sort of interpersonal conflict over the course of their lives. Some of us, however, have more difficulty with intimate relationships than others.
Maybe we have trouble choosing the right people to trust. Perhaps we keep repeating the same mistakes in our relationships time after time. How do we get past the
barriers that are preventing us from having fulfilling relationships? Ironically, we have to start with ourselves.
Intimacy occurs in a relationship when two people are able to be fully present with one another. The ability to be fully present with another person, however, requires
the capacity to be fully present with yourself. In other words, in order to develop intimacy with another person you have to learn to be intimate with yourself. Selfintimacy means feeling connected to all parts of yourself and the full range of your experiences. To be self-intimate is to accept all parts of yourself, even those that
you dislike or that make you feel uncomfortable, ashamed, or vulnerable.
Denying certain aspects of yourself or certain segments of your experience results in self-alienation or self estrangement. Terry Cooper (http://www.ptypes.com/)
describes self-estrangement as the process of "gradually becom[ing] a stranger to ourselves." The more self-alienated we become, the less attuned we are to our real
wants, needs, hopes, and dreams. It becomes increasingly more difficult for a self-estranged person to find real joy in life. Over time, life starts to lose meaning. This
is a natural consequence of losing touch with our innermost desires; we no longer have any idea what might bring us a sense of purpose, meaning, or fulfillment. To
be self-alienated is to be perpetually dissatisfied. You reach a point where you are so far removed from your real self that you no longer know what makes you happy.

And of course, self-estrangement causes problems in interpersonal relationships. People who lack self-intimacy find it uncomfortable to establish intimacy with
others. They have denied whatever aspects of themselves they don't like and have hidden them outside of their conscious awareness. It is far more difficult, however,
to hide these aspects from a person who knows us intimately. So in order to keep these parts hidden we erect barriers to keep people from getting too close. Or
perhaps the disowned parts of ourselves interfere with the development of intimacy. Take, for example, a woman who is excessively jealous and controlling. When
her boyfriend confronts her about these behaviors she denies that they are a problem and blames her boyfriend for not making her feel more secure. Or a man might
be unwilling to share his feelings with his wife. When she tries to get him to be more open he gets angry and defensive and accuses her of nagging.
If a person is unable to accept and tolerate a given aspect of himself then he will probably react poorly when someone else exhibits that same quality. For example, a
person who is not comfortable expressing anger might shut down when his partner becomes angry at him.
The key to developing satisfying intimate relationships with other people is to develop a satisfying intimate relationship with yourself. As with so many of the important
things in life the way to do this is through mindful acceptance. Accept whatever part of yourself emerges in a given moment; pay attention to it without trying to push it
away. As these moments of mindfulness accumulate you will come to know and love yourself.

http://www.healthline.com/health/alienation#Overview1

What Is Alienation?
Alienation occurs when a person withdraws or becomes isolated from other people and his or her
environment. People who are alienated will often reject loved ones or society, and feel distant
and estranged from their own emotions.
Alienation is a common human condition that can affect anyone. There are many potential
causes. It is a sociologically and psychologically complex state. In addition to having social and
psychological implications, alienation can affect health and aggravate existing medical
conditions, both mental and physical.

Types of Alienation
Alienation is a complex and pervasive condition. Sociologist Melvin Seeman identified five types
of alienation that have been used as starting points for research. They are:

Powerlessness: A person believes that his or her actions have no effect on outcomes.
Meaninglessness: A person is unable understand his or her situation and doesnt know

what to believe or expect.

Normlessness: A person feels disconnected from social norms or believes that social

rules for behavior have broken down. This might cause the person to believe that socially
unapproved behavior is necessary in order to achieve goals.
Isolation: A socially isolated person puts low value on the goals and beliefs of his or her

given society. Isolated and detached people may create their own value systems.
Self-Estrangement: Alienated people may feel disconnected from themselves. In such
cases, they may not be able to find activities that are interesting to them.

Adolescent Alienation
Alienation is common among adolescents. Teenagers may distrust adults or the values they were
raised with. Teens can often feel isolated from their parents, teachers, and peer groups. They
may feel anxious about their social skills or physical appearance. Teens can even feel isolated
from their own identity. To a certain extent, this is a normal part of development, as adolescents
struggle to define themselves and learn to think critically about their place in the world.
Adolescent alienation is considered pathological if it accompanies other disorders, such as a
phobia or an antisocial personality disorder. Alienation can be a common side effect of insecure
attachment to a parent or caregiver in early childhood.

Parental Alienation
A child can become alienated from one parent, often after a divorce. As a result of manipulations
by one parent, the child will reject the other parent.
This is not to be confused with the alienation that a child may feel towards an abusive parent,
particularly if the child severs ties with that parent as an adult.

Work Alienation
Work alienation is one of the earliest theories of modern social alienation. It occurs when a
person feels estranged from what they produce in the workplace. This disconnection may cause
dissatisfaction and a feeling of alienation from others, the environment, and oneself.

What Causes
Alienation?
The possible causes of alienation are limited only by the number of ways someone might be able
to feel disconnected from other people, the environment, or oneself.

Some possible social causes of alienation are:

divorce or other forms of familial separation

any significant change of environment, which may include immigration, starting a new
job or school, changing technology, and other types of environmental complexity
prejudice, by the individual or by others, such as racism, sexism, or ethnocentricity
humiliation
being bullied and abused
Alienation can also be the result of a mental disability, physical disability, or illness. Possible
health-related causes of alienation include:

mental health disorders, such as anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, and

schizophrenia
post-traumatic stress disorder
self-stigma as a result of mental illness
conditions that cause chronic pain
any diseases that may cause a person to feel singled out or disconnected

What Are the

Symptoms of
Alienation?
Symptoms of alienation can include:

feelings of helplessness
the feeling that the world is empty or meaningless
feeling left out of conversations or events
feeling different or separate from everyone else
difficulty approaching and speaking with others, especially parents
the inability to feel safe when interacting with others
the refusal to obey rules
signs of depression, including poor appetite or overeating, excessive sleep or insomnia,
fatigue, lack of self-worth, and feelings of hopelessness

What Are the

Complications of
Alienation?
Feeling alienated can lead to many different social and health-related problems. Social problems
that may result from alienation include:

drug or alcohol abuse

truancy
criminal activity
poor school or work performance
Alienation may also affect a persons mental and physical health, causing problems such as:

psychological pain, including anger and depression

health effects from drug or alcohol abuse
eating disorders
attempted suicide

How Is Alienation
Treated?
To treat alienation, the cause must be identified and tended to.
People who experience psychological pain because of alienation may benefit from seeing a
mental health professional. Gaining a feeling of empowerment may also help a person battle
feelings of alienation.
For adolescents, a sense of purpose is an asset, but searching for that purpose can induce stress.
Researchers suggest that parental support can help adolescents who experience alienation due
to feelings of purposelessness.
Research also shows that a strong parent-child relationship can help a child cope with bullying,
another possible cause of alienation during childhood.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evil-deeds/201402/lets-talk-about-loneliness-alienationin-linked-age
This week CNN's Piers Morgan show tackled the topic of loneliness, inspired, in part, by his recent interview with Oprah Winfrey, who
discussed her "Just Say Hello" campaign to counteract the ubiquitous scourge of loneliness in our high-tech culture. As a
psychologist and psychotherapist, it is heartening to hear this taboo topic openly discussed on national and international television. In
a time when we are more able than ever before to reach out to others via technology, it seems that many of us are either not doing
so, or using electronic contact to substitute for the real thing. Despite the convenience and immediacy of smart phones, social media,
e-mail, skype, texting etc., we are not finding our feelings of loneliness assuaged, but rather exacerbated by technology. By some
estimates, at least 20% of Americans today would describe themselves as feeling lonely. We apparently still need and miss the
human touch, the personal presence and warmth lacking in remote electronic communication. This postmodern dilemma demands
dialogue: What is loneliness? How is it different than being alone? Does everyone sometimes feel lonely? Are we more susceptible to
loneliness than our low-tech ancestors? And what are some of the destructive and constructive ways we try to cope with our
loneliness today?
Loneliness is certainly not a new phenomenon. But it may have been somewhat less prominent and problematical for our forebears,
who lived in close knit quarters and communities with extended families, saw their world as shared with gods, ghosts of dead
relatives and other supernatural spirits, regularly attended religious services, and felt deeply connected to the earth, heavens and
cosmos. Feelings of isolation, alienation, aloneness and loneliness are pervasive in the twenty-first century. Scientific studies suggest
some possible linkage between feelings of chronic loneliness and heart disease,dementia, sleep problems, and even premature
mortality. Perceiving oneself as isolated, excluded, marginalized, or rejected by society or one's "tribe" may continually trigger our
primitive but natural "fight or flight" response and compromise our immune system, since, as with certain animals, separation from
the herd represents an existential threat to life. Existential psychology and psychotherapy have long considered loneliness and
aloneness one of life's "ultimate concerns." (See, for example, Yalom, 1980.) From the existential perspective, we are born alone
and die alone, and live our lives as fundamentally separate beings ultimately isolated and alienated from our fellow creatures.
Existential aloneness and loneliness can be ameliorated by interpersonal relationships, but it can never be completely eliminated. We
are, more so than other creatures, condemned to our psychological aloneness and separateness from others.
Clearly, we human beings are social creatures, depending upon regular contact with parents, siblings, peers, sexual partners,
spouses and others for comfort, support, and camaraderie. We all have an innate need for love, acceptance, recognition, and some
sense of belonging. Infants deprived of physical contact can die from loneliness. Yet, some people crave social contact more than
others, avoiding aloneness, while some enjoy or even prefer being alone. Some of this disparity can be attributed to different and
opposite personality types: extraverted types despise solitude, feeling lonely when not in the company of others, while introverted
types like and need solitude, seldom feeling lonely when alone. (See my prior posts on Jung's typology.) But the distinction between
aloneness and loneliness transcends typology, since even introverted types can suffer terrribly from loneliness.
The second factor here regarding loneliness is related to sense of self: the less solid and stable sense of oneself there is, the less
connection to our innermost true self or "soul" we have, the more likely we are to suffer from painful loneliness. In a way, we are
unable to fully appreciate our own company, to amuse ourselves, to be good friends and companions to ourselves, and to accept and
tolerate existential aloneness and the existential anxiety that can accompany it. When one feels empty inside, like a nobody or
nonentity, totally disconnected from one's inner life or being, that person must constantly seek affirmation, interaction and attention
from others in order to mirror and validate his or her value and very existence. This commonly occurs when someone is profoundly
dissociated from his or her own feelings, thoughts or values, resulting in low self-esteem, bad boundaries, pathological anxiety, and
an inability to tolerate aloneness because of the loneliness it engenders. In a sense, we are unconsciously missing and lonely for
ourselves. For such fragile individuals, being alone is terrifying. They anxiously yet unconsciously fear annihilation in the absence of
external validation or mirroring. On the other hand, the stronger the sense of self (not just the ego), the more aloneness one can not
only tolerate but actually enjoy and use productively. Solitude is an integral and indispensable part of the human condition, absolutely
essential to the creative process as well as self-exploration, growth, and individuation. It could be said that the capacity to accept
and tolerate at least some aloneness and solitude is a barometer of good mentalhealth.
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Still, it is no coincidence that one of the worst tortures inflicted on human beings by other human beings involves solitary
confinement, ostracization, exile or excommunication. Moreover, excessive solitude or introversion is dangerous, even when selfimposed. (See my prior post.) Such morbid self-isolation may come from shunning social contact due toanger toward the world,
pathological anxiety, fear of intimacy, shame or self-loathing, which when severe, can take the forms of social phobia, panic
disorder, depression, psychosis, schizoid personality disorder, and, in increasing numbers, anger disorders and extreme acts of
violence. (See my prior post on anger disorders.) The truth is that even introverts need socialization, despite their congenital lack of
innate skills or interests in this arena. Which is why, psychologically speaking, one of the fundamental tasks for introverted types is to
work on developing and strengthening what Jung called their "inferior function," that of extraversion. Without some balance between
introversion and extraversion, the introvert too will eventually suffer from too much loneliness. Yet, unlike the extravert, who, when
feeling lonely knows how to ameliorate it by engaging in extraverted activiity with others, the introvert with his or her poorly developed
social skills, is at a loss, and can become trapped in a chronic state of isolation and alienation. Conversely, when extraverts
constantly quell feelings of loneliness by frantically avoiding being alone, such avoidance of aloneness becomes pathological,
compulsive, defensive, further distancing them from their inner selves. Paradoxically, this renders extraverts even more prone to
painful feelings of loneliness and emptiness when alone, which in turn drives them toward greater extraverted activity in an ultimately
futile escalating cycle of avoidance. We cannot perpetually run away from ourselves and our existential aloneness or feelings of
loneliness without paying a significant price somatically, spiritually or psychologically.
Existentially, aloneness, and, to some degree, loneliness, are an inherent part of the human condition. Some embrace their
existential aloneness and loneliness; others seek to escape it through often less than satisfying or sometimes grossly unhealthy
relationships, sexual promiscuity (see my prior post), pornography, workaholism, alcoholism, drug addiction (see my prior post) and
many other self-destructive or self-defeating behaviors. Even our current epidemic of violence (see my prior posts) can be partially
understood as a perverse attempt to transcend loneliness and alienation, as existential psychologist Rollo May explains: "Violence is
the ultimate destructive substitute which surges in to fill the vacuum where there is no related-ness." Violence can sometimes be a
desperate, last-ditch attempt to break out of one's excruciating yet sometimes self-imposed state of social isolation, as exemplified by
the evil deeds of profoundly lonely, alienated individuals like John Hinckley Jr. (who shot President Ronald Reagan in 1981 in order
to impress actress Jodie Foster), Mark David Chapman (who murdered musician John Lennon in 1980), and so many of the mass
shooters at schools, movie theaters and shopping malls since. (See my prior posts.) Such acts of seemingly random violence can be
considered destructive and pathological expressions of a "wicked rage for recognition" in extremely lonely, isolated, alienated,
frustrated and angry individuals starving for intimacy, love, human contact, a sense of belonging, and social validation.
There are both positive and negative ways of coping with existential aloneness and loneliness. For some, spirituality or religion still
serve, as it has for millennia for millions, as an antidote to loneliness, though Freud and many existential therapists consider this an
illusory solution. Others find solace in politics, sports or community service. Most turn tomarriage and parenthood to partially mitigate
their loneliness, though, as we know, one can feel lonely in a relationship or a crowd. While aloneness is an objective, existential fact
of life, loneliness is largely a subjective experience, and one which can derive from the influence of early childhood feelings of
abandonment, loss or neglect on how we interpret and experience aloneness in the present. Not everyone feels lonely when alone.
Yet we all must contend with our existential aloneness. Whatever the chosen solution, loneliness and the existential aloneness from
which it stems, one of life's ultimate concerns, is something each and every individual must come to terms with in order to attain and
maintain some modicum of mental, spiritual and physical health. Indeed, it could be argued, and has been suggested by research on
psychotherapy efficacy identifying the relationship or alliance between therapist and patient or client as a powerful factor in positive
outcome in both individual and group treatment, that this healing power has to do in part with the amelioration of feelings of
loneliness and social isolation therapy at least temporarily provides. Group therapy in particular allows patients or clients to learn that
we all feel alone or lonely at times, which, paradoxically, helps them to feel less isolated and alone. But ultimately, the patient or client
must learn how to deal constructively on his or her own with the existential reality of aloneness once individual or group therapy
ends. (See my prior post on termination.) Indeed, from an existential perspective, this is one way of defining therapeutic success.

http://psychologydictionary.org/article/what-causes-emotional-numbness/
Emotional numbness is the inability to feel anything. People who are emotionally numb don't experience happiness, sadness, anger or even fear. Their
loved ones often perceive them as being isolated or withdrawn. The person experiencing the emotional numbness is usually horrified by his or her lack

of feeling. Some people who are numb resort to cutting or burning themselves just to feel something. Others may take life-threatening risks, hoping to
induce fear. Emotional numbness can have many causes.

One cause is depression. Most people think that depression only leads to sadness. In fact, major depression is a cluster of symptoms. Instead
of feeling sad, many people feel empty, as if they had nothing at all left inside. People in this condition may stop bathing, getting dressed, going outside
and even eating and sleeping. Luckily, depression usually responds totreatment such as medication and talk therapy. Exercise and a healthy diet are also
helpful.

A second cause of emotional numbness is trauma or posttraumatic stress disorder. Emotional numbness is especially likely to occur if a person has faced
repeated traumatic experiences. Veterans in combat situations, for instance, or women who have faced years of physical and mental torture at the hands
of an abusive spouse may experience numbness. People who routinely witness trauma are also at risk. Front line responders such as police, fire fighters
and paramedics may also experience numbing. Posttraumatic stress disorder often responds well to individual and group therapy. Techniques
like meditation and progressive muscle relaxation can make a difference as well.

Still another cause of emotional numbness is grief, especially if the loss preceding it was sudden or shocking. People who have lost a loved one
to suicide or homicide, for instance, often report feeling numb for hours, days or even weeks before the pain of the loss begins to set in. Numbness may
also come toward the end of the grieving process when people feel as if "there aren't any tears left." Some people benefit from attending a grief support
group or talking to a counselor or a member of the clergy; others are more comfortable with informal sources of support such as friends or family.

Emotional numbness can be a distressing symptom, both for the person experiencing it and for his or her loved ones. It's important to identify the
underlying cause and to seek help as soon as possible. No one should have to deal with emotional numbness forever.

http://psychologydictionary.org/self-alienation/

What is SELF-ALIENATION?
Written by Pam MS, NCSP | Fact checked by Psychology Dictionary staff
This occurs when a person feels like a stranger to themselves that is accompanied by an emotional distance feeling.
Among a number of people feel himself as a stranger. due to emotional gap.

SELF-ALIENATION: "A person showing self-alienation is often unaware of their own intrapsychic processes."

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/es/definicion/ingles_americano/self-alienation

self-alienation
SUSTANTIVO
The process of distancing oneself from ones own feelings or activities, such as may occur in mental illness or as a symptom of
emotional distress.