On

Saying

Please

By

A.G.Gardiner

TheyoungliftmaninaCityofficewhothrewapassengeroutofhislifttheothermorningand
wasfinedfortheoffencewas undoubtedlyinthewrong.Itwasaquestionof'Please'.The
complainantenteringthelift,said,'Top'.Theliftmandemanded'Topplease'andthisconcession
beingrefusedhenotonlydeclinedtocomplywiththeinstruction,buthurledthepassengerout
ofthelift.This,ofcoursewascarryingacommentonmannertoofar.Discourtesyisnotalegal
offence,anditdoesnotexcuse assaultandbattery.IfaburglarbreaksintomyhouseandI
knockhimdown,thelawwillacquitme,andifIamphysicallyassaulted,itwillpermitmeto
retaliatewithreasonableviolence.Itdoesthisbecausetheburglarandmyassailanthavebroken
quitedefinitecommandsofthelaw,butnolegalsystemcouldattempttolegislateagainstbad
manners, or could sanction the use of violence against something which it does not itself
recognizeasalegallypunishableoffence.Andwhateveroursympathywiththeliftman,we
mustadmitthatthelawisreasonable.Itwouldneverdoifwewereatlibertytoboxpeople'sears
becausewedidnotliketheirbehaviour,orthetoneoftheirvoices,orthescowlontheirfaces.
Our fists would never be idle, and the gutters of the City would run with blood all day.
ImaybeasuncivilasImaypleaseandthelawwillprotectmeagainstviolentretaliation.Imay
behaughtyorboorishandthereisnopenaltytopayexceptthepenaltyofbeingwrittendownan
illmanneredfellow.Thelawdoesnotcompelmetosay'please'ortoattunemyvoicetoother
people'ssensibilitiesanymorethanitsaysthatIshallnotwaxmymoustacheordyemyhairor
wearringletsdownmyback.Itdoesnotrecognizethelacerationofourfeelingsasacasefor
compensation. There is no allowance for moral and intellectual damages in these matters.
Thisdoesnotmeanthatthedamagesarenegligible.Itisprobablethattheliftmanwasmuch
moreacutelyhurtbywhatheregardedasasluruponhissocialstandingthanhewouldhave
beenifhehadakickontheshins,forwhichhecouldhavegotalegalredress.Thepainofa
kickontheshinssoonpassesawaybutthepainofawoundtoourselfrespectorourvanitymay
poisonawholeday.Icanimaginethatliftman,deniedthereliefofthrowingtheauthorofhis
woundoutofthelift,broodingovertheinsultbythehour,andvisitingitonhiswifeinthe
eveningastheonlywayofrestoringhisequilibrium.Fortherearefewthingsmorecatchingthan
badtemperandbadmanners.WhenSirAnthonyAbsolutebulliedCaptainAbsolute,thelatter
wentoutandbulliedhisman,***,whereupon***wentoutdownstairsandkickedthepageboy.
ProbablythemanwhosaidToptotheliftmanwasreallyonlygettingbackonhisemployer
whohadnotsaidGoodmorningtohimbecausehehimselfhadbeenhenpeckedatbreakfast
byhiswife,towhomthecookhadbeeninsolentbecausethehousemaidhadansweredher
back. We infect the world with our ill humours.

Badmannersprobablydomoretopoisonthestreamofthegenerallifethanallthecrimesinthe
calendar.Foronewifewhogetsablackeyefromanotherwisegoodnaturedhusbandtherearea
hundredwholivealifeofmartyrdomundertheshadowofamorosetemper.Butallthesamethe
lawcannotbecometheguardianofourprivatemanners.NoDecaloguecouldcoverthevastarea
ofoffencesandnocourtcouldadministeralawwhichgovernedoursocialcivilities,ourspeech,
thetiltofoureyebrowsandallourmoodsandmanners.Butthoughweareboundtoendorsethe
verdictagainsttheliftmanmostpeoplewillhaveacertainsympathywithhim.Whileitistrue
thatthereisnolawthatcompelsustosayPlease,thereisasocialpracticemucholderand
muchmoresacredthananylawwhichenjoinsustobecivil.Andthefirstrequirementofcivility
isthatweshouldacknowledgeaservice.PleaseandThankyouarethesmallchangewith
which

we

pay

our

way

as

social

beings.
Theyarethelittlecourtesiesbywhichwekeepthemachineoflifeoiledandrunningsweetly.
Theyputourintercourseuponthebasisofafriendlycooperationaneasygiveandtake,instead
ofonthebasisofsuperiorsdictatingtoinferiors.Itisaveryvulgarmindthatwouldwishto
commandwherehecanhavetheserviceforasking,andhaveitwithwillingnessandgood
feeling

instead

of
resentment.
Ishouldliketo'feature'inthisconnectionmyfriend,thepoliteconductor.Bythisdiscriminating
title,Idonotintendtosuggestarebuketoconductorsgenerally.Onthecontrary,Iamdisposed
tothinkthattherearefewclassesofmenwhocomethroughtheordealofaverytryingcalling
betterthanbusconductorsdo.Hereandthereyouwillmeetanunpleasantspecimenwhoregards
thepassengersashisnaturalenemiesascreatureswhosechiefpurposeonthebusistocheat
him,andwhocanonlybekeptreasonablyhonestbyaloudvoiceandanaggressivemanner.But
thistypeisrarerarerthanitusedtobe.IfancythepublicowesmuchtotheUnderground
RailwayCompany,whichalsorunsthebuses,forinsistingonacertainstandardofcivilityinits
servantsandtakingcarethatthatstandardisobserved.Indoingthisitnotonlymakesthings
pleasant for the travelling public, but performs an important social service.
Itisnot,therefore,withanyfeelingofunfriendlinesstoconductorsasaclassthatIpayatribute
toaparticularmemberofthatclass.IfirstbecameconsciousofhisexistenceonedaywhenI
jumpedontoabusandfoundthatIhadlefthomewithoutanymoneyinmypocket.Everyone
hashadtheexperienceandknowsthefeeling,themixedfeeling,whichthediscoveryarouses.
Youare annoyed becauseyoulooklikeafoolatthebestandlikeaknaveattheworst.You
wouldnotbeatallsurprisediftheconductoreyedyoucoldlyasmuchastosay,YesIknow
thatstaleoldtrick.Nowthen,offyouget.Andeveniftheconductorisagoodfellowandlets
youdowneasily,youarefacedwiththenecessityofgoingbackandtheinconvenience,perhaps,
of missing your train or your engagement. Having searched my pockets in vain for stray

coppers,andhavingfoundIwasutterlypenniless,ItoldtheconductorwithashonestafaceasI
couldassumethatIcouldn'tpaythefare,andmustgobackformoney.Oh,youneedn'tgetoff:
that'sallright,saidhe.Allright,saidI,butIhaven'tacopperonme.OhI'llbookyou
through,hereplied.Whered'yewanttogo?andhehandledhisbundleofticketswiththeairof
amanwhowaspreparedtogivemeaticketforanywherefromtheBanktoHongKong.Isaidit
wasverykindofhim,andtoldhimwhereIwantedtogo,andashegavemetheticketIsaid,
ButwhereshallIsendthefare?Oh,you'llseemesomedayallright,hesaidcheerfully,ashe
turnedtogo.Andthen,luckily,myfingers,stillwanderinginthecornersofmypocketslighted
onashillingandtheaccountwassquared.Butthatfactdidnotlessentheglowofpleasurewhich
so

goodnatured

an

action

had

given

me.
Afewdaysafter,mymostsensitivetoewastrampledonratherheavilyasIsatreadingonthetop
ofabus.Ilookedupwithsomeangerandmoreagony,andsawmyfriendofthecheerful
countenance.Sorry,sir,hesaid.Iknowtheseareheavyboots.Got'embecausemyownfeet
gettrodonsomuch,andnowI'mtreadingonotherpeople's.HopeIdidn'thurtyou,sir,Hehad
hurtmebuthewassoniceaboutitthatIassuredhimhehadn't.AfterthisIbegantoobservehim
wheneverIboardedhisbus,andfoundacuriouspleasureintheconstantgoodnatureofhis
bearing. He seemed to have an inexhaustible fund of patience and a gift for making his
passengerscomfortable.Inoticedthatifitwasraininghewouldrunupthestairstogivesome
onethetipthattherewasroominside.Witholdpeoplehewasasconsiderateasason,andwith
childrenassolicitousasafather.Hehadevidentlyapeculiarlywarmplaceinhisheartforyoung
people,andalwaysindulgedinsomemerryjestwiththem.Ifhehadablindmanonboardit
wasntenoughtosethimdownsafelyonthepavement.HewouldcalltoBillinfronttowait
whilehetookhimacrosstheroadorroundthecorner,orotherwisesafelyonhisway.Inshort,I
foundthatheirradiatedsuchanatmosphereofgoodtemperandkindlinessthatajourneywith
himwasalessoninnaturalcourtesyandgoodmanners.Whatstruckmeparticularlywasthe
ease with which he got through his work. If bad manners are infectious, so also are good
manners.Ifweencounterincivilitymostofusareapttobecomeuncivil,butitisanunusually
uncouthpersonwhocanbedisagreeablewithsunnypeople.Itiswithmannersas withthe
weather.
Nothingclearsupmyspiritslikeafineday,saidKeats,andacheerfulpersondescendsoneven
thegloomiestofuswithsomethingofthebenedictionofafineday.Andsoitwasalwaysfine
weatheronthepoliteconductor'sbus,andhisowncivility,hisconciliatoryaddressandgood
humouredbearinginfectedhispassengers.Inlighteningtheirspiritshelightenedhisowntask.
Hisgaietywasnotawastefulluxury,butasoundinvestment.Ihavemissedhimfrommybus
routeoflate;butIhopethatonlymeansthathehascarriedhissunshineontoanotherroad.It
cannotbetoowidely diffused inarather drab world.AndImakenoapologiesforwritinga

panegyriconanunknownbusconductor.IfWordsworthcouldgatherlessonsofwisdomfrom
thepoorleechgathereronthelonelymoor,Iseenoreasonwhylesserpeopleshouldnottake
lessonsinconductfromonewhoshowshowaverymodestcallingmaybedignifiedbygood
temper

and

kindly

feeling.
Itisamatterofgeneralagreementthatthewarhashadachillingeffectuponthoselittleevery
daycivilitiesofbehaviourthatsweetenthegeneralair.Wemustgetthosecivilitiesbackifwe
aretomakelifekindlyandtolerableforeachother.Wecannotgetthembackbyinvokingthe
law.Thepolicemanisanecessarysymbolandthelawisanecessaryinstitutionforasocietythat
isstillsomewhatlowerthantheangels.Butthelawcanonlyprotectusagainstmaterialattack.
Norwilltheliftman'swayofmeetingmoralaffrontbyphysicalviolencehelpustorestorethe
civilities.Isuggesttohim,thathewouldhavehadamoresubtleandeffectiverevengeifhehad
treatedthegentlemanwhowouldnotsay'Please'withelaboratepoliteness.Hewouldhavehad
thevictory,notonlyovertheboor,butoverhimself,andthatisthevictorythatcounts.The
polite man may lose the material advantage, but he always has the spiritual victory.
IcommendtotheliftmanastoryofChesterfield.InhistimetheLondonstreetswerewithout
thepavementsoftodayandthemanwho'tookthewall'hadthedriestfooting.Inevergivethe
walltoascoundrel,saidamanwhometChesterfieldonedayinthestreet.Ialwaysdo,said
Chesterfield,steppingwithabowintotheroad.Ihopetheliftmanwillagreethathisrevenge
was much more sweet than if he had flung the fellow into the mud.
Q.1 Explain the underlying humour of this essay.
Q.2.
Gardiner transforms ordinary into extraordinaryexamine
statement on the basis of
the above essay.

this

Q.3 Explain the meaning of words in bold print through the help of a different
sentence.