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By Jana Bennett and Peg Ekerdt

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NATIONAL CATHO LIC REPORTER

CNS/Paul Haring

Pope Francis uses incense

to venerate an icon of
the Presentation of Jesus
during a Mass to open the
extraordinary Synod of
Bishops on the family in
St. Peters Basilica at the
Vatican Oct. 5, 2014.

A
WAY
OF
LOVE
Papal document on family
Pope Francis encourages us to slowly read and study Amoris
Laetitia, his apostolic exhortation following the Synods of Bishops on the family that were held in October 2014 and October
2015. As you read, consider keeping a journal or notebook of
quotes or ideas you want to savor. At the end of each chapter,
reflect on what inspired you and what challenged you.

People hold
candles durin
g a prayer
vigil for the
Synod of Bis
hops in St.
Peters Squa
re at the Vat
ican Oct. 3,
2015.

Introduction
Francis begins his apostolic exhortation
reminding us all of the joy of love that people
encounter in marriage and family. This letter on
marriage and family involved two years of preparatory discussion in the form of synods (gatherings of bishops from around the world) that
met to talk about the problems contemporary
families face and related church teachings and
practices about marriage and family.
The pope warns us that the letter is therefore
long, because Francis touches on so many of the
questions and concerns raised over that two-year
period. Despite the letters length, the pope cautions us to read the letter slowly and with care.
He also advises us that not all the problems we
might encounter in our families can be solved
with pronouncements from the magisterium.
He asks us readers to consider carefully how to
interpret what he says for our own lives.

CNS/Paul
Haring

gives us ideas to savor

Questions for discussion:

1. In the introduction to Amoris Laetitia, Francis recognizes
the complexity of issues that surround marriage and family
life. He calls for continued open discussion on these moral, pastoral, spiritual and doctrinal questions. What are the
qualities needed to create open discussions and dialogue
within families, parishes or workplaces?
2. Love is the theme of this letter. Who in your life has modeled unconditional love that mirrors Gods own? Who are national and international figures who seem to understand that
love, not fame or power, is the answer for a better life?
3. No family or marriage is perfect. Yet every Christian
marriage is charged with the task of living with generosity, fidelity, commitment and patience. When have you witnessed these virtues active in your own family/marriage or
in the marriages of others?

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Chapter 1: In the Light of the Word

Questions for discussion:

1. Composer David Haas setting of Psalm 128 i s
frequently sung at C atholic weddings. The words of
the refrain are: Blest are those who love you, happy
those who follow you, blest are those who seek you, O
God. How would you encourage a newlywed couple
to follow the Lord and to seek God? Be specific with
suggestions for daily life.
2. Our God in his deepest mystery is not solitude,
but a family, for he has within himself fatherhood,

Said

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CNS/Grego

as Brigid
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with the presence of God. We should

bring up our children with the joy of
faith. Families help provide labor for
society; families are where we learn to
love people.
Yet the Scriptures are not too idealistic about family. Many stories in
Scripture tell about broken families:
Cain killing his brother Abel, Joseph
sold into slavery by his own brothers,
Jesus family having to flee to Egypt
for safety.
Despite this brokenness, all of us are
called to follow the Holy Family, which
had its share of burdens and even
nightmares, but which also shows us
a way of love.

CNS/Reu

CNS/Paul Haring

A newly married couple leave

Pope Francis general audience
in St. Peters Square at the Vatican Feb. 24, 2016.

The first chapter begins, as many

church documents do, with a look at
Scripture. Francis takes us on a journey through the Bible, from Genesis to
Revelation. As a pope grounded in Jesuit
training, he uses an Ignatian approach to
reading Scripture: At many points when
hes describing Bible stories, he asks us to
imagine our own place in the Scriptures.
He begins with the extraordinary
words in Genesis 1: that male and
female are made in the image of God.
Marriage is an icon of the Holy Trinity, a
window into the very life of God.
Meditating on Scripture helps us
reflect on how God wants our families to be. Our homes should be filled

sonship and the essence of the family, which is love.

That love, in the divine family, is the Holy Spirit
(Paragraph 11). A cknowledging that Gods Spirit is
present in the conversations and events of each day,
do you recognize a recent example of the Spirits love
made visible in your family or married life?
3. What are some ways families can and do hand
on the tradition(s) and practices of faith? (16)
4. Jesus was forced to flee to a f oreign land, had
dinner in the homes of friends, experienced deaths

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of loved ones, and listened to parents begging for

health for their children. In other words, he lived in
the midst of real life and difficult situations (21). How
can these Scripture accounts of Jesus life guide those
who live today in the midst of violence, poverty, worry
and fear?
5. Work is an essential part of human dignity. What
can parents do to foster an understanding of the importance and privilege of work?

6. At dinner each night, whether as a married couple or a larger family, consider the national or international news of the week. Include in nightly prayer the
refugee, the homeless, the single mother, the parents
who have buried a child, the family who cannot make
ends meet. In what other ways can you be mindful of
the needs of others, for Christ proposed as the distinctive sign of his disciples the law of love and the gift
of self for others (27)?

CNS/Anto Akkara

A family takes shelter April 28, 2015, following an earthquake in Kathmandu, Nepal.

Chapter 2: The Experiences and Challenges of Families

The second chapter summarizes the two years of work the
synods did in determining the
current problems and concerns
of families around the world.
The pope mentions several reasons families today are in crisis,
including overwork; a consumeristic and throwaway culture;
too much of an emphasis on self
rather than others; and overuse
of technology. There are also
material reasons why families

are in crisis: too few jobs at too

low a wage; lack of health care;
migration; addiction; and lack of
education.
These problems, among others,
relate to high divorce rates, lack
of care and concern for children
with disabilities and the elderly,
polygamy, domestic violence, and
other ways families are in crisis.
The pope also calls on the
church to recognize how too
often we have put forth an ideal

of the family, reiterating again

and again doctrines and teachings, without providing support
to families. Thus, many families
have been unable to encounter
the love that the church means
when it speaks about marriage
and family.
If families can admit that
they are not perfect yet even so
strive to live lives full of love, the
imperfect lives we lead will be
amazing witnesses to Christ.

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Questions for discussion:

How can parents form their own consciences and

help children do this as well? (37)

1. The pope suggests that the church needs a healthy

dose of self-criticism when we search for reasons why
more couples do not seek the
grace of sacramental marriage.
What do you think keeps couples
from marrying in the church?
What could the local church or
parish do to welcome and invite
couples to come home to the
church to marry?

4. In Paragraphs 41-49, F rancis describes several material reasons that make it difficult for many
couples to marry and form stable
families. Each of these reasons provides a p ainfully rich
source of contemplation. The
pope is clear that church ministers should greet couples in
difficult situations with a spirit
of understanding and acceptance, rather than reading a
list and imposing a set of rules.
Will this approach weaken the
strength of church teaching on
A wom
an hold
marriage?
s a sig
imm
CNS/Tyl
er Orsburn

2. Rather than an almost

exclusive insistence on the
duty of procreation (36), t he
pope suggests the church
should focus on the call to
igrati
n during
an
White H on rally in fron
grow in loves ideal of mutual
to
ouse No
v. 19, 20 f the
5. The examples and partial
assistance. Is the pope dilut14.
dialogue cited in Paragraph 50
ing traditional teaching on
makes one think that the pope
marriage? Is this emphasis
has
a window into the lives of
on kindness and assistance
many
families. Does this descripwithin marriages new? Is
tion
resonate
with your experiit practiced or encouraged in
ences
of
family
life? What advice
marriage preparation? Do you know couples who
do
you
take
from
this
part
of
the
chapter?
model this kind of affection and assistance?
3. We have been called to form and rely on consciences that enable moral and faithful decisions.

6. How could church communities better support

married couples and help them strengthen marriages?

Chapter 3: Looking to Jesus:

The Vocation of the Family

The Wedding at
Cana, depicted
in a stained-glass
window in St.
Bernard Church in
Burkettsville, Ohio

Wikimedia Commons/Nheyob

In the third chapter, the pope

focuses on the Gospel the good
news, or the kerygma of our
faith. Because Christ himself is the
heart and mystery of our faith, the
pope spends time here specifically
discussing Jesus and his teaching
and lived experience of family.
Then, Francis discusses how
Christian tradition continues to
witness to Christ in its teachings
about marriage and family. He alludes mostly to the Second Vatican
Council (1962-65), the writings of
Pope Paul VI, Pope John Paul II
and Pope Benedict XVI, and to the
recent work of the synods.

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Questions for discussion:

1. This chapter again reminds us that Jesus did ordinary things. He went to weddings; he ate dinner with
friends, he sympathized with grieving parents (64).
Imagine Jesus sitting with you at a wedding or dinner
with friends. Does the conversation change?
2. Paul VI issued a call for responsible parenthood
in Humanae Vitae. What are the qualities of responsible parenthood in this day and age? Are children and
parents too busy? Do children learn to care for themselves? Make a list of 10 qualities and compare the list
with your spouse or children.
3. Benedict XVI emphasized love as a principle of
life in society, a place where we learn the experience of
the common good (70). Married love then is not only

for the couple but married love must enrich the world.
How does that understanding of marriage shape your
expectations and understanding of marriage?
4. Again, this chapter asks parish ministers to refrain from judgment of those in difficult family situations (79). How can the church reach those who stay
away for fear of being judged or rejected?
5. As co-creators with God of new life, once created,
why do faithful families have a responsibility to ensure
adequate and equal education for all children? (84)
6. How do families in the 21st century best teach
their children to treasure life in all of its stages, beginning at conception, and maintaining that sense of awe
for all stages of life?

CNS/Reuters/Tony Gentile

Pope Francis blesses a family Sept. 19, 2014, in Paul VI hall at the Vatican.

Chapter 4: Love in Marriage

This beautiful chapter helps
readers contemplate more carefully what love means. Chapter
4 reads much like a homily on St.
Pauls passage about love in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13. This passage
is frequently read at weddings
but most couples probably do not
meditate on this Scripture in the
depth that Francis does here.
The pope addresses his words

directly to married couples and

families. He hopes they will meditate with him on love, and he
offers specific, practical advice for
how to live love. He pays special
attention to each of the characteristics of love Paul names in the
letter.
How do we be humble rather
than boastful? By not needing to
win all the arguments or use

what power we have over our

family members. How do we forgive? We learn to forgive ourselves
so that we can have a forgiving
spirit toward others and be families that provide support and
understanding. How do we bear
all things? By learning to speak
well of each other. This chapter
provides an especially readable
Scripture meditation for us.

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Callaway

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il Masturzo

NATIONAL CATHOLIC REPORTER

Questions for discussion:

1. Patience takes root when I recognize that other
people also have a right to live in this world. Love
always has an aspect of deep compassion that leads
to accepting the other person as part of this world,
even when he or she acts differently than I would
like (92). This is Francis description of love that is
patient. How would you describe love that is patient?
2. The inner logic of Christian love is not about importance and power. Clothe yourselves, all of you,
with humility towards one another, for God opposes
the proud, but gives grace to the humble (98). There
is no head of household, there is no power or domination in Christian marriage. Does this describe your understanding of Christian marriage? Does it describe the
marriages of your parents or your grandparents?
3. Paragraph 104 is a primer for how to live the
Gospel of love. It advises, Our first reaction when
annoyed should be one of heartfelt blessing, asking
God to bless, free and heal that person. When was
the last time you asked God to bless someone who
annoyed you?
4. The strong person is the person who can cut

off the chain of hate (118). In a world still racially

divided, in what specific ways does the life and work
of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. teach us to live the
Gospel of love?
5. Paragraph 128 describes real conversations that
occur as marriages change and experiences of family
multiply. Reread the paragraph. Look back over the
last day. Think about missed opportunities to truly
see loved ones. Ask for grace to make amends and
to pay better attention.
6. Paragraphs 136-141 should be required reading
for every couple and family member. Read it, savor it,
journal about it. What is the most difficult quality for
you to practice?
7. Francis challenges a use and discard (153)
mentality toward sexuality. And he reminds readers that sexuality is not a means of gratification or
entertainment, but an interpersonal language that
ensures the sacred dignity of the other (151). Where
do you see examples in film, books, music and television that challenge or support Francis view of
sexuality? What are some of the best practices for
families to teach their children about the gift of human sexuality?

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CNS/Simone Orendain

A girl receives Communion

during a childrens first
Communion Mass at the
International Eucharistic
Congress in Cebu, Philippines, Jan. 30, 2016.

Chapter 5: Love Made Fruitful

Married love is not meant to
close in on itself, but is meant
to be fruitful. Having children is
one of the ways to be fruitful, and
the pope spends a good deal of
time in this chapter considering
motherhood, fatherhood, pregnancy and childbearing.

Biological procreation is not

the only way to be fruitful. The
pope also mentions adoption,
caring for outcasts, raising
teenage mothers, and elder care
among the many ways that married love might be fruitful.
At the chapters end, the pope

also considers the ways in which

humans are part of much larger
families that may or may not be
related by kinship bonds, but
which are nonetheless linked in
some way to married love, and
are places where we learn to love
others.

Questions for discussion:

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CNS/Paul

1. Children love us unconditionally and in turn are loved

before they are known. If parents understand that they are
the interpreters of Gods love for their children (172), how
does that impact their parenting?
2. Mothers often communicate the deepest meaning of
religious practice in the first prayers and acts of devotion
that their children learn. Without mothers, not only
would there be no new faithful, but the faith would lose a
good part of its simple and profound warmth (174). Does
this statement ring true? Does it denigrate or minimize the
role of fathers in the faith development of their children?
3. A society without mothers would be dehumanized,
for mothers are always, even in the worst of times, witnesses to tenderness, dedication and moral strength (174).
Does this statement ring true? If so, does it seem contradictory that the church excludes such moral strength from
within the ordained leadership of the church?

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to family life? Are these gifts gender-specific? Does the

pope have a good grasp of American family life and the
roles of mothers and fathers?

CNS/Den

i
nis Sadowsk

6. Love made fruitful finds fulfillment in efforts to live

according to the Gospel (183). Do you agree that married
love must bind the wounds of the outcast and work to
foster a culture of encounter and to fight for justice? How
does such an understanding of married love challenge
you? How do you live it?
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4. How do parents whose work outside and inside the home sustains the family needs find ways
to achieve balance in life? Have you found ways to
achieve this balance?
5. What are the gifts that mothers and fathers bring

7. Paragraph 186 is a strong commentary on the unitive

character and demand of the Eucharist. When those who
receive it turn a blind eye to the poor and suffering, or consent to various forms of division, contempt and inequality,
the Eucharist is received unworthily. Should we examine
our lives in this way before we take our place in line to receive the Eucharist?
8. Listening to the elderly tell their stories is good for
children and young people; it makes them feel connected to the living history of their families (193). How have
family stories shaped your own story? (If they have not, it
is never too late to share the stories of growing up, and the
stories of faith, struggle, triumph that make up your family
history.)

Chapter 6: Some Pastoral

Perspectives

CNS/Reuters/Javier Galeano

Couples take part in a same-sex wedding ceremony Feb. 5, 2015, in

Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

This chapter focuses on concerns for

priests and pastoral ministers whose
responsibility is to welcome, counsel and
support married people and families. The
popes advice is practical, aimed at creating a spirit of hospitality and acceptance,
as well as developing programs and
activities that address newlyweds; those
whose marriages are in crisis; couples
considering divorce; single parents; and
those who are at the end of life.
That said, sometimes the popes call
to be pastoral is not only intended for
pastors and ministers employed by the
church, but for laypeople who may find
themselves with a pastoral role. For
example, older married couples might
provide some counsel to newlyweds, and
all Christians are asked to be responsive
to the needs of impoverished families.

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Questions for discussion:

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Pope Franc
is embraces
Humberto an
Claudia Gom
d
ez, who are
married civi
but not in th
lly
e church, dur
ing a meeting
with families
in Tuxtla Gut
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Feb. 15, 2016
o,
.

CNS/Pau
l Haring

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icholsonz
ers/Lucy N
CNS/Reut

10

(This chapter is intended to encourage those who

minister in the church. Accordingly, the questions
for this chapter are directed to parish ministers.)

form consciences that listen to Gods voice and

make decisions about having children in the sight
of God (222)?

1. The worldwide consultation in preparation for

the synod on marriage and family made it clear that
priests, pastoral ministers and seminarians need
to have more than doctrinal training to prepare for
their work with families. Do you agree? What would
you recommend be included in formation?

6. The chapter makes it clear that effective ministry goes where the people are (230). With that in
mind, where should parish ministers be present
in the lives of the people? Every response to this is
unique to a particular parish.

2. Pastoral training is important to help priests

and parish ministers address the problems of domestic violence and sexual abuse of any kind in sensitive and proactive manner. Do you agree that the
faithful should be able to approach parish ministers
in these situations? What will help parish ministers
prepare to serve effectively in these times? (Paragraph 204)
3. What does an effective parish program for
marriage preparation require or offer? What steps
are most helpful as a couple prepares for marriage?
What is the role of the parish community?
4. What kind of spiritual formation can parishes
offer couples to help them explore ways to pray together?
5. How do parish ministers help engaged couples

7. How do parish ministers respond to faithful

Catholic parents who ask why their gay and lesbian
children who are in monogamous relationshipsare
not able to have their unions blessed by the Catholic church?
8. In what specificways can the church community ensure that every sign of unjust discrimination
(250) is eliminated fromthe behavior and speech
of the Catholic community? Is it possible to do this
without accepting civil same-sex unions?
9. When couples or families face crisis, death or
divorce, how does the parish minister respond?
What are the challenges, what are the graces in
such times?
10. How can parish ministers encourage people to
read and discuss this document?

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11

CNS/Catholic New World/

Karen Callaway

A father works on a project

with his daughters during a
Catholic Schools Week activity in early January 2015 at a
Chicago school.

Chapter 7: Towards a Better Education of Children

This chapter continues the
tone from the previous chapter,
and is addressed in a very pastoral way to parents. Here, the
pope speaks particularly about
married couples responsibilities

to form children in the faith. He

gives practical advice on such
day-to-day issues as how to be
patient with children, how to encourage children to use technologies well, and even sex education.

Questions for discussion:

1. Francis advises parents to allow children to develop their own convictions, goals, desires and dreams.
He says that parents should wonder where children are
in their journey Where is their soul? (261) How do
you understand what it means to seek a childs soul?
2. What does the pope suggest parents should and
should not do to help children develop ethical and
moral strength?
3. What is the value of correction and assigning
consequences for behavior to help children develop
freedom and ethical behavior?
4. Learning to wait for things is an important life
lesson. In what ways can parents help children foster
an appreciation of and sense of contentment for what
they have?

As in the other chapters, the

pope returns again and again to
love. How does the formation
parents do help children encounter love, grow in that love and
give that love to others?

5. New forms of communication enable family

members who live apart to keep in touch but there
are also risks to family life as a result of these new
forms of communication and media. Do the benefits
of these new forms outweigh the risks?
6. Paragraph 279 posits that Catholic schools play
a vital role in assisting parents in their duty to raise
their children in faith. What are the challenges that
Catholic schools face in these times? Are there other
ministries of the church that help form children in
the tradition of faith?
7. Francis quotes Erich Fromms The Art of Loving:
Sexual attraction creates, for the moment, the illusion of union, yet without love, this union leaves
strangers as far apart as they were before. How do
parents help young people treasure their own bodies,
and develop a healthy understanding of the gift of
sexuality?

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Chapter 8: Accompanying, Discerning and Integrating Weakness

Chapter 8 is one of the most
thought-provoking chapters. The
pope says that the church holds
up the call to perfection and asks
for a fuller response to God for
marriage and family precisely
because of our belief in Christ.
Marriage is like the union between
Christ and the church, an amazing
and beautiful vision.
Yet, it is also the case that families are imperfect. The church,
therefore, is called to accompany
families on their journey toward
life with God, to be a lighthouse
for those whose relationships
are weathering storms, and who
do not experience the fullness of
love that Francis has expressed
throughout this letter.
The pope therefore calls for
gradualness, which sees that we
are growing toward being more
and more Christ-like. Even if families dont know or claim Christ,
there may be characteristics of
Christs love present.
The pope here speaks not only to
those who are divorced and remarried, but to all people. We all have
imperfect relationships and imperfect ways of living out church

CNS/Catholic New
World/Karen Callaway

A family prays
together before
a meal in 2012
at their Chicago
home.

teaching. All of us also therefore

have a place and role in church
life (though if we find ourselves at
odds with church teachings, our
role is not probably that of teacher). We are all meant to accompany each other in love, precisely
because we are imperfect and yet
stumbling toward God.
In irregular situations, the
pope recommends careful, humble, loving discernment that
involves the couple or family, and
the priest in order to work out
exactly how couples might more
fully participate in church life.

Questions for discussion:

1. For a variety of reasons that this document cites,
many couples live together without marrying. When
couples in such irregular situations come to the
church, the pope advises ministers to treat them as
Jesus did the Samaritan woman. What can parish
ministers do to make sure these couples are welcomed without judgment?
2. Compassion and mercy should mark parish ministers response to the divorced and remarried. No
one is condemned and every story is recognized as
unique. How can parish ministers help integrate the
civilly remarried into Christian communities (299)?
3. The pope opens a door and lays careful ground-

Might this mean re-admittance

to Communion for those who are
divorced, remarried, and do not
have annulments? Perhaps. Francis
purposefully leaves these and other
discernments to the particular people involved in particular situations
rather than trying to create a law
that would universally apply to all.
We are asked to take up the difficult and time-consuming task of
accompanying others toward the
light of Christ. This requires patience, generosity and love, about
which we have read much already
in this letter!

work for priests to use the discernment of the internal forum with individuals. What are the concerns
and criteria for the use of internal forum that are outlined in Paragraph 300?
4. The importance of the formation of conscience
again is cited in Paragraph 303: Every effort should
be made to encourage the development of an enlightened conscience. Is this emphasis on formation of
conscience different from what you have learned or
from your own experience? (See Paragraph 305.)
5. What is Francis response to those who believe
he is undermining the full ideal of marriage? What
role does mercy play in his suggestions to pay attention to the goodness which the Holy Spirit sows in the
midst of human weakness (308)?

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13

Chapter 9: The Spirituality of Marriage and the Family

of Christ in each other.
He also speaks about the importance of prayer and spiritual
practices that help form us to be
more like the One we seek. None
of us is perfect, the pope reminds
us; we are all in need of help in
striving toward God.
Francis concludes with a prayer
to the Holy Family, calling to mind
the extraordinary love of Jesus,
Mary and Joseph.

The final chapter offers a spirituality of marriage and family. The

pope reflects on how Christ himself is present in the messy, particular lives of people. How amazing
(and difficult) this is! Each day,
we are called to see once again,
the face of Christ in the people
we know and love and to be
Christ to each other. Francis offers
practical advice for dealing with
daily troubles, yet still see the face

Questions for discussion:

1. Francis elevates the spirituality of marriage and
family to one where humanity encounters the Divine.
What everyday examples illustrate how the love of
married couples brings together the human and the
Divine? (315)
2. Family prayer for many years meant saying the
rosary together each night and praying at Sunday
Mass. Those continue as practices of family prayer.
What other examples does Francis suggest can draw
a family in to sharing times of common prayer?
3. If every morning, on rising, every couple, every
individual, reaffirmed before God the decision to
be faithful that day, what difference would it make?
(319)
4. Each of us, by our love and care, leaves a mark
on the life of others. You are our letter of recommendation, written on your hearts (322). Every relationship of family bears the mark of the care of others

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Wikimedia Commons/Eugenio Hansen, OFS

The Holy Family, seen in St. Joseph the

Worker Church in Nova Petropolis, Brazil

or the neglect. Think of yourself as a letter marked

by the love of your family. You are sent into the world
today to bear witness to that love. Remember that
throughout the day and reflect upon it at days end.
5. It is a profound spiritual experience to contemplate our loved ones with the eyes of God and to see
Christ in them. We can be fully present. To see in
this way means to put down the cellphones, turn off
the TV, and pay attention to the loved ones in life.
Would life be different if we focused on who was in
front and with us and put aside the distractions?
6. Hospitality is the way to share the generous love
of God with others, including strangers. Has fear of
the other made it difficult if not impossible to show
hospitality, thereby missing the chance to entertain
angels unawares? (324)
[Jana Bennett is an assistant professor in religious studies at
the University of Dayton, Ohio, teaching moral theology. Peg
Ekerdt is a pastoral associate at Visitation Church in Kansas
City, Mo.]

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