Jose Rizals journal entry for January 1, 1883

1 de enero 1883. La Noche. Estoy muy triste yo. No s qu

vaga melancola, indefinida soledad ahoga el alma,
semejante a la profunda tristeza de las ciudades despus de
un tumultuoso jbilo, a una ciudad despus de una
felicsima unin. So que imitando yo a un actor en una
escena en que muere, sent vivamente que me faltaba el
aliento y perda rpidamente las fuerzas. Despus se me
oscureca la vista y densas tinieblas, como las de la nada, se
apoderaban de m: las angustias de la muerte. Quise gritar y
pedir socorro a Antonio Paterno, sintiendo que iba a morir.
Despert sin fuerzas y sin aliento.

Night. Mournful am I. I do not know what vague melancholy, what

indefinable loneliness stifles the soul, similar to the profound
sadness of cities after a tumultuous rejoicing, to a city after an
exceedingly happy union. [Two nights ago, that is, December 30], I
had a frightful nightmare when I almost died. I dreamed that
imitating an actor in a scene in which he dies, I felt vividly that my
breath was failing and I was rapidly losing strength. Then my vision
became dim and dense darkness like that of nothingness
overpowered me: the anguish of death. I wanted to shout and ask
for help from Antonio Paterno, feeling that I was about to die. I
awoke weak and breathless.
Translated by Austin Coates and Leon Ma. Guerrero, Rizals
biographers

OVERVIEW

Jose Rizal was born on 19 June 1861

at Calamba in the Philippine province
of Laguna, about ten hours by ponytrap southward from Manila. Calamba,
then a town of between three and four
thousand inhabitants, lay in the heart
of a region of agricultural prosperity
its orchards being stocked with a rich
variety of tropical fruits. The region
forms part of what is called the rice
basket of the Philippines, the most
productive are in the country. (Coates
1968:5)

At the time, the birth of Jose, her

(Teodora) seventh child and second
son, was remarkable only for the
fact that he was a difficult birth
and turned out to be a pale and
sickly child with an undersized
body and unusually large head
The priest noticing the unusual size
of the childs head, warned
TeodoraTake good care of this
child, he said. Someday he will be
a great man.(Coates 1968:9)

Aged thirty-five, short and slender, pale

after two months in prison, he was
impeccably dressed in European style,
black suit, spotlessly white shirt and tie ,
and wearing a black derby hat, much in
vogue at that time in Europe. His
appearance was almost English in its
formality and taste. But it was not this that
drew peoples attention. It was his features
and expression, and the calm dignity of his
bearing. As could be seen at a glance, this
was no ordinary traitor to be jeered and
howled at. As he passed there was silence,
while people stared, some in surprise,
others with concern, and all the uneasy
sense of being confronted by something
they did not fully understand. (Coates
1968:xv)

This was a man who had passed far

beyond differences of race and nation.
Despite being a member of a subject
race, it was the face of a person the
equal of any, expressive of intellectual
honesty and insight , both in unusual
measure. As the Madrid newspaper
reports of the occasion show, there
were few Spaniards present that day
who, once they had seen him,
remained unaware of these qualities,
disconcerting as they found them. The
impression the pale man conveyed
was inescapable.(Coates 1968:9)