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1-It does seem best to keep quiet now.

Become the quiet one.
It is easier to observe this sickening attachment, me-love, from the distance of quiet, non-thinking, noninvolved observer.
Avoid involvement with me-being.
Stand back.
Become the quiet, neutral observer of these habitual energies.

2-What could be more abhorrent than strong, self-centered love of me?

Watch pride neutrally, and naturally grow tired of it.
As one grows tired of pride, one loses interest in me-stories and me-attention.

3-There is pride in me.

I think I am great, the best!
I want everyone to notice me.
Look at this pride with wisdom, without judging the self and without indulging in pride.
Just watch this pride.
Observe it.
Observing pride with honesty can help one to grow tired of me, its attachment to specialness and its
strong love of self.

4-How can one become tired of me?

Notice over and over again how me is the obstacle to going beyond me.
Notice how interest in my story keeps one from the goal of Self-realization.
Me is not a prize.
Me is the obstacle.
One must become tired of this interest in being me.

5-This quotes says, When one is knocked about by the troubles and tribulations of earthly existence and
is tired of all this, he seeks refuge from all this.
I suppose that is one way.
One can be pushed about by the negative, until one is tired of suffering, and so one seeks another way.
However, one need not walk on such a difficult path.
One can choose the path of love.
Instead of going against the difficult, go for the easy.
They both point in the same direction.
Simply find the stream that feels right, and let it carry you.
Trust it.
If one chooses the path of love, one must learn to let go.
You cannot take yourself on this path.
Love takes you.
You have to let go.
Letting go is your only role.
Let go and be carried, over and over again, until the destination is here.

6-There is an attachment to the self that is not fully realized.

It goes very deep.
It is a deep-rooted love of me.
It includes the full bundle of my emotional experiences, both happy and sad, fulfilled and lacking.
The silence within can uproot this deep attachment safely and quietly;
So sit in silence, and do not avoid anything that it brings to see or any emotions that are attached to those
pictures.
Let uprooting occur.
Have no expectations about how deep this attachment may go.
Do not imagine.
Do not try to help.
Just be and allow.

7-How does one be the Self?

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Be quiet.
Be aware.
Follow intuition rather than meaningless thought streams.
With everyone and everything, stay in the heart.

8-Take advantage of this life now.

How can it best be used for the purpose of awakening?
How is time wasted?
Look with genuineness, and take best advantage of the time that is given.

9-Who am I?
What is the truth?
These are my questions.
How do I find the answer?
Can someone tell me how to find the answer?
I think not.
I think this is a journey I must take on my own.
For me, this journey is unchartered.
All I can do is commit to taking it, and then let the journey unfold on its own.
To my commitment I must be true.
I can trust my commitment.
Intention is everything.

10-There is a sadness that has come up, and attached to this sadness there is anger.
When I look at this sadness and anger, the only cause I can attribute to it is that the temporary is angry
and sad that it cannot become immortal.
It does not want to die.
It does not want to end.
It wants to be immortal.
It is pulling out all the tricks, trying to be immortal.

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It is thinking loudly, and thinking is going in all directions, because only through immortal thought can it be
immortal.
It is trying to figure out how to save itself, and yet there is also this idea that if it saves itself, it has failed to
become immortal.
This is circular reasoning from which there is no way out of thought.

11-If I am attached to the transient, I experience pleasure and sorrow.

If I experience contentment and transience, am I resting in the Self?
Or is there a middle ground, like a bridge between two worlds?
It seems to me that a purified mind experiences the world differently than a mind that is fully dreaming,
but a purified mind is not resting or abiding in the Self.
A purified mind has learned not to believe mental interpretation.
The purified mind is like a clean mirror.
However, as long as attention focuses on the mirror, it is not resting in the Self.
Before now my primary focus has been cleaning the mirror. I thought that was the process of awakening
when it was actually taking away the spots on the mirror so attention would have less to get lost in.
However, attentions habit of staring outward into the mirror has not changed at all.
The focus is different now. Now, the same effort that went into purifying the mind must be put into turning
attention around so that it looks toward the Self and learns to rest there instead of being mesmerized by
the objects in the mirror.

12-Genuine truth realization, which is genuine Self-realization, feels like a worthy value to me. I will value
only that.
I cannot find anything else that has as much value as this does.

13-Am I too concerned with hiking up this mountain the right way?
Sure, there are tips from previous hikers that are helpful, but couldnt concern for the right way cause
me to second guess what feels natural and lead to confusion?

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Maybe it is best to forget all judgments of right and wrong and instead, just focus on up.
Up is in.

14-Is fantasy so entertaining that I prefer it to truth?

Do I prefer to be engaged in the entertaining stories of mind more than I want to let attention rest with the
Self?
Which has more value?
The real or the entertainment feature of fantasy?
To know truth or to be entertained?
Which do I really want more?
Watch, and see.

15-Will obligation call me away from this trail up the mountain?

Obligation is different than a necessary activity.
Obligation has a hidden motive in it.
When one feels obligated, one is actually trying to get something.
There is a hidden thought that I wont get what I want if I dont do this.
And so, I am obligated.
No one obligates me but me.
If I let go of all wanting but one, I can have no obligations.
Are there wantings I am not willing to give up?
Do I cling to my obligations?
Watch with honesty, and see.
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p.s. A necessary activity is prompted from within. The movement comes with a clean its time now
feeling. It is to be done, but it has no hidden motive. There is no trying to get; there is only doing. This
doing can be done without calling one back down from the mountain. It can be done along the way as one
hikes the trail of Self-realization.

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16-Do I want things done right, according to my interpretation of right?
Is that important enough to call me back down the mountain?
Will that, as a value, call my attention out again?

17-There, right before me, is the trail up the mountain.

I cannot make it up this mountain if there is a single purpose that will call me back down again.
There can be no focus but up.
Up is in.

18-What is my God-given purpose?

Is it me helping others or the end of me?
Could there be a God-given purpose or are all purposes, no matter how noble they appear, merely mindselected games?
All purposes except one, that is.

19-Look with honesty.

Is there something that I believe is worth attaining or desiring other than the true Self?
Look with honesty.
See if anything else has value.
What about helping others?
Does helping others have value?
Will helping others distract me from realizing truth?
Watch and see.

20-What is there for me to contemplate or pay attention to regarding the process of being liberated while
living?
One is not liberated through partial attention. One is liberated through total attention to the goal or
purpose of liberation.

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This goal or purpose has nothing to do with time. It is a goal or purpose that is outside of time, in this
present moment, always.
Only by being here with the goal now can one realize its completion.

21-The quote says, As a result of the rising of pure wisdom, ones consciousness moves in reality.
What is here in this portion of the quote for me to see?
Pure wisdom is natural, unadulterated wisdom that is not learned. It does not come from books or
teachers. It is spontaneous clear seeing and known intelligence that arises from clear seeing.
Consciousness in this context is awareness. When ones consciousness moves in reality, awareness is
not muddled by or immersed in illusion or personal perspective. It is above personal perspective, beyond
personal biases, and seeing from unattached clarity. Seeing is streamed from reality. Speaking and acting
are spontaneous reflections of streamed seeing. No person can be said to be there because there is no
personal perspective or biases.

22-How does one know if the pure wish to attain liberation has arisen?
Ask honestly, What do I want?
Watch honestly:
How do I spend my time?
Where does my attention go?
How long do I remain lost in thought?
How much natural effort is spent seeking for truth?
As I look at this list of questions it seems the last one is most potent and will reveal most clearly if the
pure wish to attain liberation has arisen, especially when coupled with the question directly above it.

23-What else is in the quote for me?

It seems to say that I am being done.
As being done happens, is there anything for me to do?
Yes, cooperate.
Put forth any effort that comes naturally to be put forth.
Drop any habit or way of thinking that is ready to be dropped.
Do not cling to anything.
Do not resist or push anything away.
Just be, keep attention subtle, and cooperate with your part in this unfolding.

24-I notice more now that there are people who cannot understand me.
I see how they see me through their beliefs and conditioning.
Their understanding is limited by their point-of-view.
And so, I let go of a personality-characteristic that has always been a part of this conditioning.
I let go of any and all desire to be understood.
That was important before.
Now it is irrelevant.
The body-mind has reacted to this decision with sadness.
I know this was important to this personality, because I have memories of how fiercely it sometimes
fought to be understood, especially in close relationships. There were the words, I need you to
understand
Not feeling understood put a strain on relationships, because it was important.
Some friendships ended, because she did not understand me.
There was contraction in the chest when my words/intention/perspective were misunderstood. I wanted
to correct misunderstanding until understanding was achieved.
It is okay, little self.
You can cry at this letting go.
I know understanding seemed important to your sense of self.
It was integral to your sense of self-value.
Go ahead. Be sad.
Letting go is occurring.
(I am reminded that the Wicked Witch of the West cried as she melted in the Wizard of Oz, but melting
happened anyway.)

25-My mind is becoming more and more transparent.

I notice changes everyday now; it seems to be happening quickly right now.
Changes in seeing; enhanced clarity everyday, even from moment-to-moment.
Always increasing acceptance and detachment, even with physical involvement;
even with being there attentively, not absent-mindedly.
More freedom. But the meaning of freedom has changed.
It does not mean happy, although I am happy.
It does not mean healthy or financially secure, although those areas are not a challenge for me right now.
Freedom means untouched, unaffected.
Free from the disturbance of change.
As the mind becomes more and more transparent, what I am shines through more clearly.
This is why there is more freedom.
This is the meaning of freedom.
Freedom is the nature of truth.

26-This quote is a beautiful description of a process that I recognize because I am in it.

As I contemplate this quote and feel for what it is to communicate to me now, I feel this:
Self-honesty.
This process requires self-honesty in order to be fully functional. Self-honesty is like oil on the gears of
this process. The process moves along smoothly and efficiently with self-honesty.

27-Is there a natural yearning for Self-knowledge here?

Why do I seek truth?
What is the truth about this seeking?
The only answer that comes is that I have to know.
Its as if there is an innocent honesty in me that does not want to be fooled anymore.
It says, If there is a truth, why would I want something else? And there must be a truth. It only stands
to reason. How could non-truth be? It cant. Only truth can be.
This innocent honesty is genuine.
Its heart breaks at the thought of being fooled.
It cries and cries and cries when it thinks that an honest, genuine truth can be right here and it can still be
ignorantly and blindly fooled into falsehood.
Its cry is, Dont lie to me.
However, it isnt looking out asking others not to lie.

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It is looking at itself. Dont lie to me.
It wants honesty and truth here.
No! it says. No! I will not settle for something that isnt truth no matter how much it shines, and no
matter how fun that pretending may be. I want only truth now genuine, authentic, real truth. Fully
realized. Nothing less.

28-From the Bible:

Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Doesnt she light a lamp, sweep the house and
search carefully until she finds it? ~ Luke 15:8
Ask and it will be given you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ~ Matthew
7:7
And from the quote currently being contemplated:
This is the supreme goal; strive for this.

29-The quote says, the mind seeks the Self only in order to dissolve itself in the Self. This indeed is in
the very nature of the mind.
When we are called home to the remembrance of our Self, a homing device is activated. That homing
device is the desire for truth, know thy Self, awakening, the end of ego.
One who hears the call of this homing device must (because she cant not) seek for that truth, awareness,
realization, final end, awakening.
This is how you know you are called.
You arent interested in distractions now.
You are only interested in seeking until you find.

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30-The quote says, inquiry into the nature of the Self dispels this ignorant self-limiting tendency.
True inquiry into the nature of the Self requires one to look in.
Attention is turned around, to in, during heart-felt inquiry.
Looking in may take practice and training, because looking out is such a strong habit, but this path isnt
just a path of retraining attention.
Through looking in, something happens.
Something changes.
I wont say what changes, even though I have been told.
I have ideas about what changes since I have been told.
However, I dont want concepts.
I want direct knowing.
This change is the goal of meditation.
I trust that experiencing the change directly is worth persistence.

31-The quote says, It is this ignorant self-limiting tendency of the mind that views the infinite as the
finite.
What is this self-limiting tendency?
Once upon a time I would have said that it is believing false ideas, and thats true. It is believing false
ideas and false appearances. However, it seems helpful to look at this in a new way now.
The self-limiting tendency is looking out.
Or said another way, it is being mesmerized with objects.
I make this clarification because I notice attention loves to go out is addicted to going out even if
there is no belief in what it is focused on. A wild never-will-be-true fantasy story in the mind still captures
attention in an addictive way, just because attention loves to go out.

32-Sometimes I notice the fear that I am not able to do this right

That my method of inquiry isnt right,
That my method of meditation isnt right,
That my method of watching awareness isnt right,
That my way of spending time isnt right.

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But truth be told, I dont know what right is.
Awakening from illusion is unchartered territory for me.
All Ive got to guide me is my intuition.
So,
I think I will just be quiet,
& follow the only thing Ive got.

33-I want to make one more comment before leaving the topic of desire for the world.
This is something I discovered on silent retreat in New Hampshire many years ago, and I recently ran
across a quote where Ramana Maharishi was making the same recommendation.
I want to say I to myself.
Just I.
When I say I to myself, it reaches down, deep into the heart, beyond the heart and into the core of the
belly, into the gut, and it sends back a reminder of who I am, which is not the mind.
Practicing I can help genuinely bypass any apparent desire for the world, because those desires are the
minds thoughts, not mine.
This is the quote from Ramana Maharshi, which I ran across just yesterday:
If you can do nothing more, at least continue saying I, I to yourself mentally, all the time, as advised in
Who am I?, whatever work you may be doing and whether you are sitting, standing or walking. I is the
name of God. It is the first and greatest of all mantras (repeated sacred words or syllables). Even OM is
second to it.

34-Are there other ways to examine my desire for the world?

In addition to looking at stuck thinking, I can look at every emotional contraction.
That is, I can look whenever I resist what is.
I can also look to see what motive or judgment lies underneath that contraction.
Once the motive or judgment is seen, the process of dissolving is the same.
I let awareness linger with what has been found, and I ask, What do I want?

35-When a motive is found, is letting awareness linger enough?

Is there anything else I should do?
It feels helpful to also ask, What do I want?

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I dont need to answer that question with the mind.
The minds answers are completely irrelevant.
Instead, as with awareness, I let the question linger.
I let the question be, open.
It is the heart that answers this question.
It is not at all important if the mind hears the answer or if it seems to the mind that there was no response
to the question. The hearts answer may reverberate in a realm that the mind cannot access.

36-What shall I do with motives that I find hidden under thinking?

It feels best to let awareness linger on any motive that caused attention to get stuck. If I look at a motive
too quickly and let the mind make decisions about it, whatever decisions the mind may make, I leave the
motive in place.
Just as the ego must dissolve in the Self, motives stemming from the ego must dissolve in the light of
awareness.

37-I feel it is time now to turn self-honesty to look at my desire for truth.
It makes sense that my desire for truth is not yet complete if I still have desire for the world. Therefore, in
order to examine my desire for truth, I must also examine my desire for the world.
What is the best way to examine my desire for the world?
I can look at any thinking that the mind dwells on unnecessarily.
I can also look for any motive that may lay hidden under that thinking.
Any motive that has caused attention to get stuck in thinking is something I desire in the world.

38-The quote says, Abandon your latent tendencies even as a bird wishing to fly into the sky breaks out
of its shell.
The feeling of small and limited person is my shell.
To discover the infinite to break out of the shell meditate.
The kingdom of God is within you. ~ Jesus of Nazareth

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39-I feel like a small and limited person.

I do not feel like or experience myself as infinite.
This is merely an indication that I must trust the heart, remain focused, and continue to practice.

40-The quote says ego tendencies are hard to destroy, which means I must remain persistant.
There are outside voices that discourage persistance.
Funny most of those outside voices are spiritual friends and acquaintances.
I must stay with my heart, be true to my own calling.
(I am reminded of a story in the Bible. Jesus knew he had to go to Jerusalem, even though it was
dangerous and would result in his death. Peter wanted to keep Jesus safe, and so he said, Master, you
must not go to Jerusalem. Jesus responded with, Get thee behind me, Satan.
Jesus was not rejecting Peter. Jesus was rejecting the outside voices that were urging him to go against
his own inner calling.)

41-It is important to note that the quote says ego tendencies are born of ignorance.
Therefore, the mind that says there is no truth is ignorant of truth.
It knows not.
It speaks from ignorance.
If one wants to know truth, one must follow the hearts calling to continue to seek, to continue to try, to not
give up.
Listen to the warm, loving heart.
Trust the calling of love.
Believe not the meanness of ignorance.
Meanness comes from fear.
Love comes from knowledge.

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