Ten things to avoid at a Swedish

summer party
Published: 17 Jul 2015 10:15 GMT+02:00
Updated: 17 Jul 2015 15:43 GMT+02:00

The weather isn't great this year but the party season is in full
swing. The Local's Paul Connolly shares his (sometimes painful)
experiences of the things you can't do and say if you're being
hosted by Swedes.
1. Swan in 30 minutes late

The Swedes dont do late. If you say youll be there at 7pm, be

there at 7pm. Not at 7.20pm. In Sweden there is no such thing as
fashionably late. People who are late are not trendy, theyre just plain
rude. It is their time you are wasting with your slovenly timekeeping, so
get your act together - you might not get invited back.

Do NOT be late. Photo: Henrik Montgomery/TT

2. Clomp through the house or apartment showing off your new shoes

Take off your shoes! Take them off now! Swedes dont care if you have
new Louboutins or Jeffrey Wests - they need to see your socks. You
should practise this at home. When you walk in through the front door,

always take your shoes off. Its summer so youre likely to be in and out
of the house all day at the weekends.
Youll soon get the hang of it. Its really not the Swedes who are weird for
insisting us Brits and Americans take off our shoes, its us for thinking its
strange in the first place. You dont know what youve trodden in when
youve been outside.

Remember to take your shoes off. Photo: Melker Dahlstrand/imagebank.sweden.se

3. Admit that you dont like strawberries

Swedes adore strawberries. Some Swedes even claim that Swedish

strawberries are the best in the world. So declaring to a Swede that
youre averse to these plump little nuggets of red summery loveliness is
like saying to an Englishman that you dont like tea, or telling your
children that kittens are evil. Its. Just. Not. Done.

Swedes are proud strawberry lovers. Photo: Carolina Romare/imagebank.sweden.se

4. Tell party guests that Allsng p Skansen is a celebration of cultural mediocrity

This summer staple (literally Singalong at Skansen) has been around

since 1935 when around 50 people turned up to sing along with whoever
was on stage. These days, up to 25,000 people are turned into karaoke
zombies, singing along to ancient Swedish pop stars such as Sven-Bertil
Taube who first had a hit in 1854, sorry 1954. Whats worse is that this
aural version of the colour beige is actually broadcast to the nation on
SVT. And people watch it!

No no, this is not weird. Why would you think that? Photo: Vilhelm Stokstad/TT

5. Help yourself to the booze in the kitchen

No, dont touch that bottle of wine! Stop! Everyone brings their own
supply of alcohol to a party in Sweden. And, seeing as the state alcohol
shops (Systembolaget) seem to open about three times a year, its no
great surprise that everyone monitors their own stash of alcohol with
extreme vigilance.

Don't just help yourself to the booze. Photo: Janus Langhorn/imagebank.sweden.se

6. Ask a Swede how much money they earn

You may as well ask them if their mother was a Dane and their father
Norwegian. Do not broach the topic of salaries. Ever. That stuff is private
and the Swedes take privacy very seriously. Even if they are drunk at a
summer party.

Don't get too personal - it will get awkward. Photo: Pontus Lundahl/TT

7. Say Norway isn't that different to Sweden is it?

It doesnt matter how similar you think Swedes and Norwegians are,
there are vast, unbreachable chasms between them and their cultures.
Honestly, the differences are huge. Firstlyer, Ill get back to you on that
one.

Norwegians. Not Swedes. Photo: Heiko Junge/NTB scanpix/TT

8. Declare that Ikea produces inferior rubbish

Criticising Ikea in Sweden is like burning the stars and stripes in America.
It is total taboo. Swedes pride in the domestic goods retailer is
unbreakable. Even if the furniture isnt.

Remember to pay allegiance to Ikea. Photo: AP Photo/Mark Lennihan

9. Make a gagging gesture when someone offers you a coffee

In Sweden coffee is life. Life is coffee. Even if you despise coffee buy a
coffee maker. If you are to ever have Swedish friends it will get used.
Often.
If you really cant bear to drink coffee, devise an outlandish excuse - My
brain explodes if it detects any caffeine. No Swede will risk the stains to
their furniture.

What would Swedes do without their precious coffee? Photo: Claudio Bresciani/TT

10. Heckle the host

There is a quite amusing joke about Swedes propensity for toasting and
speechmaking. A Frenchman, a Swede and a Norwegian were
sentenced to death and the day before the execution they were granted
their last wishes. The Frenchman asked for a three course meal followed
by a cigar. The Swede asked for a dinner and also wanted to make a
speech. The Norwegian's last wish was to be executed before the Swede
began his speech.
Some Swedish party hosts will absolutely insist on making a toast.
Sometimes several. They might take quite a long time. The Swedish
compulsion for public speaking at social gatherings is odd but very
strong and you may feel a strong impulse to hurry things along with a few
injudicious words. Resist that urge. Heckling will be punished by social
exclusion.

Just grin and bear it. Photo: Susanne Walstrm/imagebank.sweden.se