What about a ferret?

You need to stay out of this.

A ferret? What is this, a damn joke to you?
We're talking about a class pet here.
The boy needs something realistic, like a shark or a bald eagle.
- There it is.
- Mm-hmm.
You know what?
Doesn't even matter.
I got a detention for talking in class,
and now they won't let me vote.
Classic felony disenfranchisement.
Are we still talking about a class pet?
No, we're talking about the rules.
You get in trouble one time in this country,
you don't get to vote in it for the rest of your life.
Unless you're in Maine or Vermont.
You could be in jail and vote there.
Oh, yeah, the whitest states in America let their white felons vote.
So messed up.
W-What would you even call that?
That is white justice.
You got that right.
Preach.
Hey, girl.
- I'm busy.

- Awesome.
So I was just thinking about your application,
and... yeah, okay...
About the fact that a big part of your college essay
is gonna be the activities that you do outside of school.
So what are you thinking of listing?
Nothing.
Sweetie, come on.
There must be something.
I mean, um, drama?
Newspaper. Oh, debate team.
Quit. Nope. Ew.
Okay, so when... w-when I ask you what's going on
and you say "nothing," do you actually mean nothing?
Relax.
Everything I've been reading says the essay is the most important part...
- Uh-huh?
- And I'm gonna nail it.
Okay. Okay. That's great.
So what's it about?
Instagram filters and how they capture my hourly moods.
I'm gonna lose you in Iraq.
So, black cool was going to be Junior's ticket to victory.
And that's what's up, y'all.
Junior 2016.
Siri, "Panda." Play "Panda."

I found a Panda Express on Ventura.

Is this the one you mean?
No. Play "Panda" the song.
"Panda."
Come on, Siri.
Don't do this to me now.
Stupid device.
- Play "Panda."
- Ugh.
"10 Million Fireflies" is hard to recover from.
Yeah, the boy's gonna lose.
Maybe not.
Desperate times, Dre.
He's gonna have to throw down the big domino on this one...
White guilt.
You know, like I do around here.
Charlie, I've never seen you use white guilt around here.
So Popeye's Friday wasn't enough to convince you?
You ungrateful son of a bitch.
- Huh?
- Watch this.
With third-quarter revenue reaching an all-time high, I think we can all...
I'm out.
Hm, I bet his cousin got killed in a drive-by.
Agreed. You know what?
Let's give him all of next week off, okay?

Everybody, kick in $20 for flowers.

- What?
- Not you, Dre.
I'm sure you paid for more than your fair share of murder flowers.
And, uh, when he comes back next week, nobody talk about it either.
We can't begin to understand what he's going through.
So, I just have to answer a few questions?
Yep.
Then the app will tell you which candidate you line up with.
Oh, sweetie, I know which candidate I line up with.
Whoever's Democrat.
What is your ideal candidate's stance on global warming?
Global warming doesn't exist.
Next.
How do you feel about building a wall on our border with Mexico?
You mean there's not a wall between us and Mexico?
No wonder they keep coming over here, taking our jobs.
Hm.
Should local police increase surveillance and patrol of Muslim
neighborhoods?
Only if we don't want the terrorists to win.
- It's just yes or no.
- Put yes.
But say it's because we want to make America great again.
- Okay.
- Great again!
That's a crybaby argument.

You saying just because Bernie's out, you're not gonna vote.
That's just sour grapes.
Nope, nope, it's about fairness.
The U.S. needs a coalition government like Europe.
Right now if you lose the vote 51 to 49,
you get no say in the system.
- That's idiotic.
- Europe's idiotic.
How dare you?
So, black cool was out.
White guilt was in.
And Junior ran with it.
As the son of a former slave, I think I have solution
to the vending machine issues that have been plaguing our school.
Oh, sorry.
I don't know how that got in there.
But it did happen.
Now, where was I?
Right, snacks.
So, as you can see right here, we have chips, uh, candy bars...
White guilt works.
I'm up 12 points... look.
- Let me see that.
- It's true. He's winning.
Ha ha, nice going, son.
I did it.

What's that?
"Andre 'Son of a Slave' Johnson.
Election rigged"?
And just like that, when we were so close
to keeping at least one black man in office, they snatch it away.
That is white justice.
How could they say I rigged it?
I didn't rig anything.
Of course you didn't, son.
They co-opted rigging.
Rigging happens to us.
Housing, politics, medicine, education... rigged.
White folks, they created the system, and the one time it doesn't go their
way,
they claim it's rigged. I blame Bernie.
All my years of hard work, and now my good name is ruined.
Look at this.
Look how much darker that picture is than your yearbook one.
They O.J.'d you!
And finally, the death penalty should be...
Celebrated with a parade.
Well, okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, let's see.
This says your perfect candidate is Trump.
No, baby, I'm a Democrat.
Not according to this test.

It thinks you might actually be Trump.

Son, I've come up with a game plan to combat those rigging lies.
"Who're you calling a rigger?"
Hm. "Rigger, what?"
- Dad, stop.
- No, no, no, son.
There's more.
"Rigger, please!"
"I wish a rigger would..."
Stop.
I'm dropping out.
I've already pretended to be someone I'm not, and I don't want to do that
anymore.
I just want to be me, nectarine pantsuit and all.
- You'll never get to be...
- Head rigger in charge?
No.
No, I won't.
- Dre, come on, stop.
- What?
You are addicted to making mediocre slide shows.
Look, I'm sorry.
I can't believe Junior just quit like that.
We could've won.
By white-guilting people into voting for him?
Dre, that's disgusting.
Oh, as disgusting as claiming to be Samoan?

Huh, to steal Samoan scholarship money from real Samoans?

Prove that I am not Samoan.
Prove it.
Okay, Bow, look.
I know it was just a school election, but we've struggled so hard, and we
finally got there with Obama.
And... And now that he's leaving, I don't want things to slide back to the way
they were
and for people to forget how far we've come.
We're not gonna let people forget.
We just have to accept that our kids are growing up, and we have less say in
their decisions.
Which means accepting that Zoey is not going to college.
Was her essay that bad?
Oh, my God.
Damn.
So bad.
Look, you can't judge me.
You won't eat at Chick-fil-A
because of what their CEO says about gay marriage.
Why should I validate a system that doesn't validate me?
You don't eat at Chick-fil-A?
Hold up. Why are we arguing?
We can all agree we should not vote.
We need a political party for not voting.
Call it the Non-Voting
Alliance, the NVA.

- Hm.
- How will we make decisions?
Not by voting.
We sit down to stand up.
That should be our motto.
The NVA... Sitting down to stand up.
I like it.
So, in this election, we cannot sit back and hope that everything
works out for the best.
We cannot afford to be tired or frustrated or cynical.
No, hear me.
Between now and November, we need to do what we did eight years ago and
four years ago.
We need to knock on every door.
We need to get out every vote.
We need to pour every last ounce of our passion and our strength and our
love for this country...
I can't believe you weren't gonna vote.
I never said that.
So, let's get to work.
I won the election.
- What?
- Yeah.
Congratulations!
Yes!
How did that happen, son?
I thought you dropped out.

Well, I was going to, but then I saw my opponent yelling at the janitors
to clean up his rally confetti.
I can't have a person in power who doesn't respect everyone.
So I stayed in the race and won.
Come on.
Congratulations, son.
Valley Glen's first black president.
It isn't all good news.
- They told me some real truths today.
- Uhh...
The student government is $8,000 in debt.
The new soccer field isn't to code.
And several teachers can't read.
What? They can't...
It's a real crap-fest.
That's awful.
That's just what Bush did to Obama.
Yes, we can.
- Hey, I finished my essay.
- Oh.
- I think you should read it.
- Oh.
"Imagine living in a home"
where your mother can't stop having children...
where you are constantly...
taking in another mouth to feed, a home where grandparents,

uncles, siblings all huddle together in one room, where only the strongest will
survive,
a home where you'll never know where you next meal is coming from.
Chipotle or Katsuya?
A home where your mother is in and out of the hospital, where men don't
vote,
where the man who may or may not be your father often skips work...
to feed his addictions.
"I don't have to imagine this because this is my life."
So you are using white guilt for your college essay?
Okay.
Well, someone's getting into college!
By the way, we're part Samoan.