Editorial: Guantanamo Bay

by Matthew Consuegra

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GUANT ANAMO_BAY_EDIT ORIAL.PDF (433.71K)

T IME SUBMIT T ED

09-NOV-2016 03:41PM

WORD COUNT

1993

SUBMISSION ID

734844105

CHARACT ER COUNT

10785

in GB?

in GB?

good
thesis,
and your
backgrou
nd
section
will be
great if
you
clarify a
few
points.

Ah! This is
your reason
why the
prison can't
be in one of
the 48
states? Say
so earlier.
you should
also address,
however, the
common
belief that
they are held
there
because
there is less
oversight.

can you say why?

but these three folks are

invested in the system,
and would therefore be
considered biased. Can
you find evidence from
more objective sources

this section is
written well-you're
representing the
opposition fairly
and
comprehensively.

so, you're saying that this semantics argument (calling

fighters one thing or another) justifies torture? Or are
you saying this was a mistake? You need to clarify

your position. Also, are you saying we should keep the

prison open with, or without, torture? That would make a
difference.

please define
non-combatants.
Were all of these
prisoners not
fighting? And
how is "noncombatant"
related to "not
part of a state
party"? I'm not
sure they're the
same.

in an argument paper, you need to say how each section relates to your
argument. Do you think these plans are good, or not?

Good start on a very complex issue, Matthew. When you revise, follow
the advice I've provided in blue. I see that you've answered some of
my questions in your conclusion. Can you use that viewpoint earlier to
lead you into a more focused thesis? Perhaps one that says "Although
x, GB should continue detaining suspected terrorists because Y." And
Y should include that we can regulate/prevent torture there. Good

vol/iss needed here

Editorial: Guantanamo Bay

GRADEMARK REPORT
FINAL GRADE

GENERAL COMMENTS

86

Instructor

/150

PAGE 1
PAGE 2

Text Comment.

in GB?

Text Comment.

in GB?

Text Comment.

good thesis, and your background section will be great if you clarif y a f ew

points.
QM

Unclear
Your construction of this sentence clouds your meaning.

PAGE 3

Text Comment.

Ah! T his is your reason why the prison can't be in one of the 48 states?
Say so earlier. you should also address, however, the common belief that they are held there
because there is less oversight.

Text Comment.
Text Comment.

can you say why?

but these three f olks are invested in the system, and would theref ore be
considered biased. Can you f ind evidence f rom more objective sources that plots were stopped,
etc.? Include it if you can.
PAGE 4

QM

citation add
You need a citation here.

PAGE 5

Text Comment.

this section is written well--you're representing the opposition f airly and

comprehensively.
PAGE 6

Text Comment.

please def ine non-combatants. Were all of these prisoners not f ighting?
And how is "non-combatant" related to "not part of a state party"? I'm not sure they're the
same.

Text Comment.

so, you're saying that this semantics argument (calling

f ighters one thing or another) justif ies torture? Or are

you saying this was a mistake? You need to clarif y

your position. Also, are you saying we should keep the

prison open with, or without, torture? T hat would make a
dif f erence.
PAGE 7

Text Comment.

in an argument paper, you need to say how each section relates to your
argument. Do you think these plans are good, or not?

Text Comment.

Good start on a very complex issue, Matthew. When you revise, f ollow the
advice I've provided in blue. I see that you've answered some of my questions in your
conclusion. Can you use that viewpoint earlier to lead you into a more f ocused thesis? Perhaps
one that says "Although x, GB should continue detaining suspected terrorists because Y." And
Y should include that we can regulate/prevent torture there. Good organization and design, too.
PAGE 8

Text Comment.
PAGE 9

vol/iss needed here

RUBRIC: EDITORIALS RUBRIC

RHET FOCUS

Advanced

Write f or a specif ic audience and purpose.

ABSENT OR BELOW Audience's needs are of ten not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and
BASIC
language needs adjustment f or the audience. Purpose (to argue a position

persuasively) isn't clear or achieved.

DEVELOPING

Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position
persuasively) may be unclear at times, and it may not be achieved convincingly.

PROFICIENT

Usually shows attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position persuasively)
may be implied, but it's clear and achieved.

ADVANCED

Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position
persuasively) is clear and achieved with style.

ET HICAL RES

Advanced

Using the appropriate majors customary citation style, ethically cite and communicate inf ormation f rom a
variety of discipline-appropriate sources.
ABSENT OR BELOW Omits or uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
BASIC
marks incorrectly. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source.

Frequently uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources or relies exclusively on one

source.
DEVELOPING

A f ew errors in discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation

marks. Of ten includes sources without introduction in cases when introduction is
necessary and discipline appropriate. Sometimes relies too heavily on a single source
or uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.

PROFICIENT

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Usually introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is usually diverse, relevant and persuasive.

ADVANCED

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is always diverse, relevant and persuasive.

PERSUASION

Prof icient

Compare, evaluate, synthesize, and communicate caref ully, objectively, and persuasively the relative merits
of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values. Integrate this evaluative work into
a persuasive argument.

ABSENT OR BELOW Fails to support claims with relevant reasoning and/or specif ic evidence. Objectivity,
BASIC
balance, and a controlling idea may be lacking.
DEVELOPING

Attempts to support claims with reasoning and evidence, but specif icity and/or
objectivity may be lacking. A controlling idea may be missing or implied. Objectivity and
balance may be weak or f lawed.

PROFICIENT

Usually supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough,
and insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Usually maintains objectivity and
balance in argumentation.

ADVANCED

Supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, and
insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Maintains objectivity and balance in
argumentation.

ORGANIZ AT ION

Prof icient

Organize, f ocus, and communicate ones thoughts clearly and ef f ectively to address a rhetorical situation.
ABSENT OR BELOW Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,
BASIC
transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the prompt, or illogically connected. Ps

contain multiple topics or are disorganized.

DEVELOPING

Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,

transitions) f it the prompt, but may be vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically
linked. Ps may not be unif ied.

PROFICIENT

Clear organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic

sentences, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together adequately.
Ps are usually unif ied.

ADVANCED

Clear, specif ic organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, headings, transitions)

f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together logically and seamlessly. Paragraphs
are unif ied.

LANG & DESIGN

Prof icient

Recognize, evaluate, and employ the f eatures and contexts of language and design that express and
inf luence meaning and that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural dif f erences.
ABSENT OR BELOW Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability. Lanuage may ref lect
BASIC
a gender or cultural bias. Design may be unconventional and inef f ective.
DEVELOPING

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors of ten impede readability or otherwise

distract f rom meaning. Lanuage may occasionally suggest a gender or cultural bias.
Design may be inconventional or inef f ective.

PROFICIENT

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are f ew and do not distract f rom
meaning. Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional
and ef f ective.

ADVANCED

Outstanding control of language, including ef f ective diction and sentence variety.

Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional and
ef f ective.