Rashaud Peete

Professor J. Intawiwat
ENG-111-25
Due: 13OCT16

Ethical Non-Monogamy

Have you ever been torn between two lovers? Have you ever wondered why you cant have more
than one spouse or love interest- and thought itd be nice to be able to do so without deception?
Perhaps you just simply dont want to have to deceive and hurt those you love and care about.
Ethical Non-Monogamy may be the alternative you seek. Ethical Non-Monogamy in its multiple
forms allow for flexibility at degrees of those whom are involved agree upon, requiring
consistent and clear communication, and honesty.

One of the forms of Ethical Non-Monogamy is Polyamory. Meaning many loves, Polyamory is
the practice of being engaged in multiple romantic relationships simultaneously. This of course
happens at the consent of all those involved. There are subtypes that are included under the
Polyamory umbrella, including Open Relationships, Triads, and the more abstract Relationship
Anarchy. An Open Relationship creates a hierarchical dynamic in which there is a primary
relationship between two or more people and other secondary relationships. Secondary
relationships are as their name suggest- prioritized second to the primary relationship.

Although more rare, Triads are also as their name suggests- three individuals, all in a committed

relationship with each other. (Sheff, 2014) The rarity of course is due to the degree of which it is
to find a couple or individual the other may be interested in. An individual who is seeking a Triad
is known as a unicorn colloquially and is perceived by some to be a pejorative term that sees
one as a commodity or novelty rather than a person. While this type of relationship may seem
complex, its far more concrete than Relationship Anarchy.

Relationship Anarchy is a concept that eschews prioritizing romantic relationships over platonic
associations, as well as defined romantic relationships with rules. Relationship Anarchists see
romantic relationships as no more or less important In any case, those who engage in
Relationship Anarchy would rather end romantic associations on good terms than to remain in a
situation that is toxic or unhappy. (Sheff, 2014)

Another form of Ethical Non-Monogamy is Swinging. Swingers engage in sexual relationships

rather than romantic connections. In this dynamic, there is primary romantic relationship and one
or more sexual relationships. (Sheff, 2014)

With regards to public perception, ENM isnt viewed very favorably. A poll conducted by survey
website YouGov shows that there is still strong disapproval of ENM along the lines of the
importance of religion. Those who find religion very important or somewhat important
described EMN as morally unacceptable by 80% and 61% respectively. While as of 2014, 70%
of Americans identify as Christian, that percentage has fallen nearly 8 points since 2007. (Moore,
2014) This may suggest that as religious adherence falls, ENM may become more accepted in
society.

In addition to a lack of societal approval, there is also a lack of academic studies on ENM in
America. Despite the lack of knowledge, much has been learned with regards to demographic
data. Researchers have estimated that as much as 4-5% of Americans engage in ENM. (Moore,
2014) Loving More, a support and advocacy group found that more women identify as poly
versus men, identifying at 49 and 35% respectively. The remainder refused to respond as either
gender or wrote-in a third gender, such as Two-Spirit or Genderqueer. (Moore, 2014) Even
though the survey did not ask for respondents to identify their sexuality, approximately half of
women and one fifth of men were found to be actively bisexual, having had sex with both men
and women within the last year. (Moore, 2014) Via the General Social Survey, poly individuals
were found to be happier and more well educated in contrast to their monogamous counterparts.
(Moore, 2014)

Having interviewed 2 poly individuals, a bit of insight was gained in regards to motivation and
perception of relationships. Kaseem, from Delaware describes his motivation for becoming
polyamorous, stating I learned that I wasn't a horrible person for being able to love more than
one person at the same time. The biggest factor was me having romantic feelings towards more
than one person at the same time and disappointment with the societal pressures of monogamy.
(Peete, et al., 2016)

Jenna, from Canada describes her open marriage as being the result of a combination of sexuality
and desire for inhibition, explaining, I am bisexual and I've always felt that people can love
more than one person at a time. I like that the poly lifestyle doesn't limit anyone in that regard.

(Peete, et al., 2016)

Kaseem nor Jenna believe that NEM is viewed positively, both hinting at a lack of understanding
of the concept. Kaseem explains his perception of societal attitudes saying, Society mostly
doesn't agree with it and either thinks people just want to be promiscuous and/or cheat. (Peete,
et al., 2016) Jennas opinion is in line with Kaseems and laments the change in positive
perception of her relationships and her character, explaining, Most people don't understand how
I can love more than one person. I don't disclose it to many people because when I do I feel like
they don't respect my marriage as much. (Peete, et al., 2016)

Non-Ethical Monogamy, while still having a negative perception in the public arena, is a practice
that is slowly becoming seen as more acceptable and in large part due to the Information Age,
has a growing community. Various legal challenges around the globe, including a constitutional
challenge having been recently filed in the United States are indicating a gradual push for legal
recognition of polyamorous unions. While small, the NEM community is largely cohesive,
having conventions and meet-ups to exchange experiences and find like-minded people to
network and build local communities offline. It may be possible that in the near future, we may
see greater public acceptance and visibility of NEM.

Works Cited
Glossary of Polyamory Terms. More Than Two, MoreThanTwo.com,
www.morethantwo.com/polyglossary.html.
Moore, Peter. Polyamory: Taboo for Religious Americans but Not for the Rest. YouGov: What
the World Thinks, YouGov.Com, 12 Aug. 2015, today.yougov.com/news/2015/08/12/polyamorytaboo-religious-americans/.
Pappas, Stephanie, and LiveScience. New Sexual Revolution: Polyamory May Be Good for
You. Scientific American, ScientificAmerican.Com, 14 Feb. 2013,
www.scientificamerican.com/article/new-sexual-revolution-polyamory/.
Peete, Rashaud D et al. Polamory Interview Question. 7 Nov. 2016.
Sheff, Elizabeth A. Seven Forms of Non-Monogamy. Psychology Today, PsychologyToday, 22
July 2014, www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201407/seven-formsnon-monogamy.
Shucart, Brenden. Polyamory By the Numbers. Gay News, LGBT Rights, Politics,
Entertainment, Advocate.com, 8 Jan. 2016, www.advocate.com/currentissue/2016/1/08/polyamory-numbers.