Rashaud Peete

Professor J. Intawiwat
ENG-111-25
Due: 13OCT16

Ethical Non-Monogamy

Have you ever been torn between two lovers? Have you ever wondered why you cant have more
than one spouse- and thought itd be nice to be able to do so? Perhaps you just simply dont want
to have to deceive and hurt those you love and care about. Ethical Non-Monogamy may be the
alternative you seek. Ethical Non-Monogamy in its multiple forms allow for flexibility at degrees
of those whom are involved agree upon, requiring consistent and clear communication, and
honesty.

One of the forms of Ethical Non-Monogamy is Polyamory. Meaning many loves, Polyamory is
the practice of being engaged in multiple romantic relationships simultaneously. This of course
happens at the consent of all those involved. There are subtypes that are included under the
Polyamory umbrella, including Open Relationships, Triads, and the more abstract Relationship
Anarchy. An Open Relationship creates a hierarchical dynamic in which there is a primary
relationship between two or more people and other secondary relationships. Secondary
relationships are as their name suggest- prioritized second to the primary relationship.

Although more rare, Triads are also as their name suggests- three individuals, all in a committed

relationship with each other. The rarity of course is due to the degree of which it is to find a
couple or individual the other may be interested in. An individual who is seeking a Triad is
known as a unicorn colloquially and is perceived by some to be a pejorative term that sees one
as a commodity or novelty rather than a person. While this type of relationship may seem
complex, its far more concrete than Relationship Anarchy. Relationship Anarchy is a concept
that eschews prioritizing romantic relationships over platonic associations, as well as defined
romantic relationships with rules. Relationship Anarchists see romantic relationships as no more
or less important In any case, those who engage in Relationship Anarchy would rather end
romantic associations on good terms than to remain in a situation that is toxic or unhappy.

Another form of Ethical Non-Monogamy is Swinging. Swingers engage in sexual relationships

rather than romantic connections. In this dynamic, there is primary romantic relationship and one
or more sexual relationships.
With regards to public perception, ENM isnt viewed very favorably. A poll conducted by survey
website YouGov shows that there is still strong disapproval of ENM along the lines of the
importance of religion. Those who find religion very important or somewhat important
described EMN as morally unacceptable by 80% and 61% respectively. While as of 2014, 70%
of Americans identify as Christian, that percentage has fallen nearly 8 points since 2007. This
may suggest that as religious adherence falls, ENM may become more accepted in society.

In addition to a lack of societal approval, there is also a lack of academic studies on ENM in
America. Despite the lack of knowledge, much has been learned with regards to demographic
data. Researchers have estimated that as much as 4-5% of Americans engage in ENM. Loving

More, a support and advocacy group found that more women identify as poly versus men,
identifying at 49 and 35% respectively. The remainder refused to respond as either gender or
wrote-in a third gender, such as Two-Spirit or Genderqueer. Even though the survey did not ask
for respondents to identify their sexuality, approximately half of women and one fifth of men
were found to be actively bisexual, having had sex with both men and women within the last
year. Via the General Social Survey, poly individuals were found to be happier and more well
educated in contrast to their monogamous counterparts.

Having interviewed 2 poly individuals, a bit of insight was gained in regards to motivation
and perception of relationships. Kaseem, from Delaware describes his motivation for
becoming polyamorous, stating I learned that I wasn't a horrible person for being able to
love more than one person at the same time. The biggest factor was me having romantic
feelings towards more than one person at the same time and disappointment with the societal
pressures of monogamy. Jenna, from Canada describes her open marriage as being the result
of a combination of sexuality and desire for inhibition, explaining, I am bisexual and I've
always felt that people can love more than one person at a time. I like that the poly lifestyle
doesn't limit anyone in that regard.
Kaseem nor Jenna believe that NEM is viewed positively, both hinting at a lack of
understanding of the concept.