Butseev 1

Anthony Butseev
English 115
Professor Lawson
21 November 2016
Argument Essay: Rough draft
1,402
You didnt clean the dishes?!
Manners and discipline are two of the most important things people will notice about
you. The better manners you have, the more pleasant and educate you will appear in social
settings. Manners and discipline are concepts that are taught to you by other people, usually
parents or parent-like figures. It is no secret that every child has their own view on raising their
children and along with that comes different boundaries for what is right and wrong and proper
discipline methods accordingly. On social media currently, there is a massive wave of posts
about the different types of parenting, a popular topic being the difference of parenting
techniques and children's manners based on racial differences, specifically white children
compared to non-white children. White children are perceived to be less disciplined and much
more rude than non-white children on social media and this is entirely due to the way that the
kids see other children interacting with adults. Non-white children are shocked to see that their
white friends are able to talk back to their parents without the fear of being punished which leads
to the creation of the perception that talking back to an adult means that they are rude and lack
manners which is reflected on social media posts.

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The biggest outpost of the racially based parenting difference phenomenon on the social
media platform is through comparison videos, often found on YouTube. When Googling white
kids vs black kids with parents the first half of the results are videos which depict how different
parents react to similar situations. MilaHairPlus video is one of many on YouTube and with
slightly over 7.5 million views you can say that its pretty popular. In her video titled "White
Parents vs Black Parents the actors depict three situations: asking what's for dinner, locking
doors and doing chores around the house. Each scenario is shown in two ways, the first being the
white parent's reaction, the second being the non-white parent's reaction. A general occurring
theme with all the white parent reactions is that allow their kids to do whatever they want, are
incredibly rude and call all the shots while with all the non-white parents get offended by
anything they do not like in the childs attitude and discipline them, often times by hitting, so that
they learn not to act like that again.
Different parenting types are a big contributor to this perception of white children
lacking manners. Psychology today recognizes four major parenting types: authoritarian,
neglectful, permissive, and authoritative (Mgbemere). The parenting type that is expressed by the
non-white parents is called authoritarian. Authoritarian parenting is synonymous to strict
parenting and is characterized by parents who are demanding but not responsive. Authoritarian
parents [] usually rely on punishment to demand obedience or teach a lesson(Mgbemere). In
the videos the non-white parents are seen punishing their kids if they do not do exactly what the
parents want, over the top punishment is the depicted, often times in the form of corporal
punishment and yelling. While being raised in the household where you must follow your

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parent's exact orders, any situation which you observe being different than such, like disagreeing
with a parents wants, can very easily be perceived as rude, disobedient and shocking in some
cases. This is a big stimulus for the creation of social media posts showing how different white
and non-white parents are when dealing with their children's discipline.
While the non-white parents in these videos are depicted as being authoritarian, the white
parents are shown to be permissive. Permissive parents are responsive but not demanding.
These parents tend to be lenient while trying to avoid confrontation (Mgbemere) In this
parenting type, the adult tries to avoid conflict with the child, they have very no enforced rules or
schedule and often give in to the child's wants. In the social media posts, this is seen when the
white parents do not attempt to discipline their kids and give in to what their kids want, even if it
is not beneficial, often times resulting in the child not even realizing that they are being rude to
their parents when communicating. When someone who is raised to respect absolutely
everything their parents say and be entirely obedient see this type of demanding and rude
behavior go without punishment and be successful, they automatically see this as being new and
shocking.
Research has been done to examine different parenting styles between racial groups in
America. Studies conducted by Dr. Brofenbrenner have suggested that authoritarian (strict)
parenting style among African Americans is a survival strategy adopted by the group to cope
with its environment and racial status (Odubote) This claim by Dr. Broefenbrenner explains that
the authoritarian parenting style is a common occurrence in African American households. While
social media has a tendency to over-exaggerate situations, in the particular case of the perception

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that non-white parents are more strict with their kids is in-fact true. White children are more
inclined to express their true opinion, no matter what the parents might think, when talking in a
family setting as apposed to non-white, explaining that the social media phenomenon has a
factual origin and the reason it is such an excessively used topic is entirely due to the way that
children perceive each other in family settings.
Dr. Kelly Flanagan, a clinical psychologist and writer for the Huffington Post being able
to say NO is a very important in the developmental of a child. Giving a child the opportunity
to disagree with something they do not believe is right makes enables them to resist outside
negative influences and helps them be a better decision maker. At first glance, seeing a child not
listen to what their parents say appears as rude and a sign of bad parenting. This is only true at
first glance. Dr. Flanagan states it is important to say no,because the inability to say No the
inability to set personal boundaries is one of the most common, insidious causes of human
suffering.(Flanagan)
Being a white child, seeing a non-white childs parent public shame their
kid for doing something wrong results in the conclusion that they are much more strict. If you as
a child put yourself in the non-white childs shoes, you would experience a sympathetic
emotional pool of embarrassment and discomfort. This intense amount of embarrassment will
hopefully lead you to understand that what was done was wrong resulting in you not wanting to
do whatever you or that other child did, which is the goal of public shaming. Feeling of such
strong emotion influences what the post creators themselves will post on social media, adding to
the illusion that white children are less mannered and more rude than their non-white

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counterparts. While no official statistical data has been collected to evaluate the claim that nonwhite parents are the primary creators of these social media posts, personal observations and
accredited sources such as forharriet.com and the Huffington Post, makes this an accurate claim.
Entirely based on perspective, social media posts are a contemporary form of art in a
sense. They are an outlet of peoples creative intuitions based on the things that they observe.
This both supports and goes against the claim that the reason as to why white children are
perceived to be less mannered.
Different parenting techniques are the main contributor to the way that social media
portrays white parents vs non-white parents when disciplining their kids. Non-white children are
shocked to see that their white friends are able to talk back to their parents without the fear of
being punished which leads to the creation of the perception that talking back to an adult means
that they are rude and lack manners which are reflected in social media posts. White parents are
incredibly permissive and allow their kids to walk all over them while the non-white parents are
shown to be authoritative try to discipline their kids at every opportunity.

MilaHairPlus. "White Parents vs Black Parents." YouTube. YouTube, 30 Aug. 2013. Web. 15
Nov. 2016.

Flanagan, Kelly M. "The Reason Every Kid Should Talk Back to Their Parents." The
Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 06 Nov. 2013. Web. 16 Nov. 2016.

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Mgbemere Bianca, and Rachel Telles. "Types of Parenting Styles and How to Identify Yours."
Developmental Psychology at Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt University, 10 Dec. 2013. Web. 20
Nov. 2016.

Odubote, Bamidele Andrew. "Parenting Style, Race and Delinquency: A Comparative Study of
European American, African American and Nigerian Families." Order No. 3299418
University of Minnesota, 2008. Ann Arbor: ProQuest. Web. 20 Nov. 2016.