A Life Without Conversation

A Radio Drama by
Joseph Weston
 A Life Without Conversation
Cast
LifeEthan Baggott
HumanJoseph Poole
DeathRosie Blake
NarratorJoseph Weston
ExtraDaniel West
ExtraLouis Preece
 A Life Without Conversation

SCENE ONE: INT. TAVERN.

(Narrator, Life and Death)
Narrator
It is 1416, and Life and Death are conversing in a tavern. Though
this seems like a very human thing to do for entities such as
themselves, the brother and sister enjoy catching up every half
century or so.
Sound: Tavern Ambience
Death
Heya bro! Hows Life?
Life
(Sighs) Sister, youve made this joke for millennia, it still
isnt funny.
Death
Oh, come on! Its sort of funny, you have to admit!
Life
If you say so
A second or so of silence between them.
Life
So then, how have things been?
Death
Really interesting actually. About fifty years ago I had this
interesting conversation with someone in France, he was fighting
in this war thats going on, and on this battlefield he corners an
Englishman. Instead of killing him, he strikes up a conversation
and the two of them just talk!
Life
Is that so?
Death
I know! Unfortunately, they both were killed moments later, but
now they are great friends!
Life
A rare commodity on the field of battle indeed.
Death
Oh, and there was this little girl who died of the plague a few
decades ago, she was a real cutie, asked me if I was an angel.
Life
Mmmhmmm
 Death
What about you? Done anything interesting since we last met?
Life
Yes well I influenced some humans to create a tower in Italy,
though it will begin to lean in a few hundred years which will-
Death
No no no! Not about work! What have you doing in your off time?
Life
Off time?
Death
Brother, please tell you me still havent conversed with a human.
Life
Of course I havent, what possible reason would I have to do that?
Death
Life, you cant keep doing this.
Life
You forget, I have a job to do, creating everything that is or
will be.
Death
And my job is to be there when it finishes, take them to the other
side until there is nothing left to take, but that doesnt stop me
from enjoying myself.
Life
Sister, I appreciate the concern but Im fine. Besides, I dont
need to talk to them, what could I possibly find interesting?
Death
Youd be surprised, theyre curious creatures.
Life
I know, I created them.
Death
Honestly, I bet youd enjoy talking to one.
Life
Theres nothing I can learn, nor is there anything in their small
and insignificant lives that would pique my intrigue.
Death
(Sighs) At least listen to a few of them.
SCENE TWO: INT. TAVERN.
(Human and two extras)
Sounds: Tavern Ambience
Human
Listen lads, I recently thought of something.
Extra 1
 Oh? This could be good?
Extra 2
Another wild theory by Rulf Godart? Go ahead.
Human
You mock me, but you havent heard it. It is quite simple
actually. Why is it we die?
Extra 2
It is the way of things Rulf, if we escape war, famine and disease
then past 30 years is what a man gets. Maybe 60 if God is willing.
Human
See? Thats the thing, nobody has to die.
Extra 1
Of course we do you drunk fool, it is the natural order of things.
Human
Not at all, I dont want to die, why should I? You all just go
along with it, where as I want nothing to do with it. A few
decades is all we get? I say no, theres simply too much to do and
see, and whats it good for anyway?
Extra 2
Everyone dies, Godard. And when they do we put into the ground and
sent to be judged.
Human
You lot may be expecting to die, but Im not, I have simply
decided I dont want to. And if I dont who will be laughing then,
eh?
SCENE 3: INT. TAVERN.
(Life and Death)
Sounds: Tavern Ambience.
Death
See, brother?
Life
I will admit, it is perhaps, an interesting thought.
Death
It is though Id bet that long a life would drive that man mad.
Life
I disagree, a chance to experience more than what has been dealt
them would make a better individual, at least by human standards.
Death
How would you know? You dont talk to them, I do.
Life
You know why, I created them, you think I would know how they
work.
Death
 You want to bet?
Life
(After a long pause) Yes, sister, I would.
Sounds: Chair being pushed out.
Death
Would you like the honours then?
Life
Yes, I would.
Death
Is that so?
Life
I said it is an interesting thought, so I will see it through.
Sounds: Footsteps walking away.
SCENE 4: INT. TAVERN.
(Life, Human and two extras)
Sounds: Tavern ambience.
Life
Excuse me sir, did I overhear you say you dont wish to die?
Human
I did, its a mugs game and so I wont have a part in it.
Life
In that case, you must tell me what thats like. Let us meet here
again, in this place. In one hundred years.
Extra 1
Oh, he has you there Rulf!
Extra 2
Haha, one hundred years! Hes calling your bluff there!
Human
Do not mind these two, thicker than bread they are. One hundred
years on this day? Aye, then we shall meet, in the next century of
our lord.
Life
Indeed.
Sounds: Glasses clink.
SCENE 5: INT. TAVERN.
(Life and Human)
Sounds: Tavern ambience.
Human
Im going to be honest, I wasnt sure youd turn up.
Sounds: Chair being pulled out. Life sitting down.
 Life
I have, and here I am.
Human
What manner of man are you then? A wizard? A witch? A demon?
Life
I am merely interested.
Human
You clearly arent human, so what are you?
Life
You havent died I see.
Human
Ha! No I havent, with much surprise I might add.
Life
And what have you done with you time?
Human
Well, I spent a few years fighting in that blasted war with the
French. To then fight in another war between the houses of York
and Lancaster. I fought for both sides, and even got knighted.
Life
Most impressive.
Human
My thanks, I now have a sizable amount of coin for myself, along
with land.
Life
So you dont wish to die then?
Human
Of course not, theres still so much to do! I hear that a man has
recently discovered a new land mass to the West, might visit there
at some point soon.
Life
Yes, what will you people think of next?
Human
Hopefully something to keep out the fleas, with any luck.
Life
So then, another hundred years?
Human
Oh yes.
SCENE 6: INT. TAVERN.
(Life and Human)
Sounds: Tavern Ambience.
Human
Ah ha! Good day sir!
 Life
Good evening, Rulf.
Human
Rulf! My word that takes me back. Its Sir William Ashton now, old
stranger.
Life
Youve had good fortune then I take it?
Human
Why yes! The gods have smiled on me, and this glorious country. As
I said when we last met, I went over to the new land they call
America and established a minor trading business with a man there.
Ive had to travel around a bit to avoid suspicion however. Went
north and came back claiming to be my own son, Ive done that two
times now.
Sounds: Plate being placed on a table.
Human
Ah yes some food, Venison Pasty? No? Theyre good. Oh, and another
thing, here A portrait of my wife and little baby son. Hes the
first son Ive had in a few hundred years.
Life
I see.
Human
Its funny, decades ago this is what Id have dreamed heaven was
like. This food for example, Id have killed for white bread
before now. Come to think of it I may have.
Life
So, youre happy, do you wish to die now?
Human
Goodness, no! Even at the status I am now, theres only to go but
up. Who knows next you see me I could be king!
SCENE 7: TAVERN. INT.
(Life and Human)
Sounds: Tavern ambience. Piano Music. Human being dragged out by
two others.
Human
Unhand me you swine! This place is for decent folk and not gutter
filth like you! I am more entitled to be here more than you!
Life
This man is with me gentlemen, you may unhand him.
Sounds: Human being released roughly.
Human
(Coughs) I knew youd be here.
Sounds: Human sitting and gulping down a drink.
 Human
Do you know what its like? Starving to death without dying?
(sighs) My wife, she died a few years later in childbirth, and my
son was killed in a bar fight. I cant remember what she looks
like, I had to sell all her portraits. The town tried to kill me
for being a witch. I got overconfident, out of my skin and it kept
getting worse. The final straw was when I fought for the king in
this civil war. Big mistake (Long Pause). Ive hated it, every
last second of these last 76 years.
Life
And yet, do you seek the respite of death? Do you still wish to
live?
Human
(Long Pause, sighs) Nah, deaths a mugs game. Ive got so much to
live for.
SCENE 8: RESTAURANT. INT.
(Life and Human)
Sounds: Restaurant Ambience. Light Orchestral Music.
Human
Its a living. Wonderful system really. We take English goods to
Africa, where we pick up slaves. From there we take it to America
and trade for tobacco, Sugar and raw cotton.
Life
Do you take pride in treating fellow humans as less than animals?
Human
Like I said, its a living. Though I have a feeling it wont last
too long. What with the Colonies and then France, our country will
be next to experience a revolution. Though this time, at the first
time of trouble, Ill be out, not risking it like last time.
Life
Your spirits have much improved compared to our last encounter,
Sir Ashton.
Human
Ah, I have changed my name again recently. I had to in an attempt
to avoid suspicion. Its Edward Hawley now.
Life
As you say.
Human
You know, weve been meeting for 400 years now, and I still have
no clue who you are and what youre doing here. What manner of man
are you? And what is your name?
Life
Ive had many names, but if I had one I would tell you. And as for
why Im here. Im settling a bet with my sister.
Human
 You have a sister? What is the bet then?
Life
We had opposite opinions on whether or not living for as long as
you have would drive you mad.
Human
Youre saying my life is an experiment to you?
Life
If that is what you wish to view it as.
Human
I I need to think on this. It is a lot to find out that your life
is but a game.
Sounds: Getting up from chair.
Life
Of course, though one more thing Edward. It is a poor thing to
enslave another. I suggest you find another line of business.
SCENE 9: RESTAURANT. INT.
(Life and Human)
Sounds: Restaurant ambience. Music from a radio.
Human
Good evening.
Life
Evening, Edward. I must admit Im surprised to see you here,
considering your distaste after our meeting last.
Human
Yes Well Ive had ample time to think on it. I think theres more
to why we meet. Youre not here to see what happens to a man like
me. You both most likely know what happens already. Though I doubt
Im any wiser. I have learnt from mistakes, but have had more time
to make them. (Sighs) You were right about the slave trade. I
cant take back what Ive done. Youve seen all of this, but you
knew from the start what kind of person Id become, I think youre
here for another reason.
Life
And what could that be then?
Human
Friendship. I believe youre lonely.
Sounds: Violently getting up.
Life
You dare? You imply that Im in need of companionship? That my
kind have the need to befriend a mortal?
Human
 I do. Listen, Ill be here in one-hundred years, and if youre
here, it wont be because of some bet. Itll be because were
friends. Right?
Sounds: Footsteps walking away. Door slamming.
Human
Right?
SCENE 10. MODERN CAF. INT.
(Life, Human and Narrator)
Sounds: Caf ambience. Modern music. Silent for a while, then
footsteps get louder.
Human
(Relieved sigh) I I didnt think youd show up if Im honest.
Life
Well I have heard it is impolite to leave ones friends waiting.
Would you like a drink?
Sounds: Fade out.
Narrator
Meanwhile, in the realm beyond the living, Death smiles. Satisfied
with the bet she has won.
The End