What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to identify, use,

understand, and manage emotions in positive ways,
communicate effectively, empathize with others,
overcome challenges, and defuse conflict. Emotional
intelligence impacts many different aspects of our daily
life, such as the way we behave and the way you interact
with others.
High emotional intelligence makes us able to recognize
our own emotional state and the emotional states of
others. We can use this understanding of emotions to
relate better to other people, form healthier relationships,
achieve greater success at work, and lead a more fulfilling
life.

Emotional intelligence consists of four attributes:

Self-awareness Self-management Social
awareness Relationship management

Why is emotional intelligence (EQ) so important?

All information to the brain comes through our senses, and
when this information is overwhelmingly stressful or
emotional, instinct will take over and our ability to act will
be limited to the flight, fight, or freeze response.
Therefore, to have access to the wide range of choices and
the ability to make good decisions, we need to be able to
bring our emotions into balance at will. Memory is also
strongly linked to emotion. By learning to stay connected
to the emotional part of your brain, as well as the rational,
youll not only expand your range of choices when it
comes to responding to a new event, but youll also factor
emotional memory into your decision-making process. This
will help prevent you from continually repeating earlier
mistakes.

As we know, its not the smartest people that are the most
successful or the most fulfilled in life. We all probably
know people who are academically brilliant and yet are
socially inept and unsuccessful at work or in their personal
relationships. Intellectual intelligence (IQ) isnt enough on
its own to be successful in life. Our IQ can help us get into
college, but its our EQ that will help us manage the stress
and emotions when facing our final exams.

Emotional intelligence affects:

Our performance at work. Emotional intelligence can

help us navigate the social complexities of the workplace,
lead and motivate others, and excel in our career. In fact,
when it comes to gauging job candidates, many
companies now view emotional intelligence as being as
important as technical ability and require EQ testing
before hiring.

Our physical health. If we are unable to manage our

stress levels, it can lead to serious health problems.
Uncontrolled stress can raise blood pressure, suppress the
immune system, increase the risk of heart attack and
stroke, contribute to infertility, and speed up the aging
process. The first step to improving emotional intelligence
is to learn how to relieve stress.

Our mental health. Uncontrolled stress can also impact

our mental health, making us vulnerable to anxiety and
depression. If we are unable to understand and manage
our emotions, well also be open to mood swings, while an
inability to form strong relationships can leave us feeling
lonely and isolated.

Our relationships.
By understanding our emotions and how to control them,
we can better express how we feel and understand how
others are feeling. This allows us to communicate more
effectively and forge stronger relationships, both at work
and in our personal life.

How to raise our emotional intelligence and

learn key skills that build emotional
intelligence

To improve our emotional intelligenceand our decision-

making abilitieswe need to develop key skills.
These key skills can be learned by anyone, at any time.
There is a difference, however, between learning about
emotional intelligence and applying that knowledge to our
life. Just because we know we should do something
doesnt mean we willespecially when we become
overwhelmed by stress, which can hijack our best
intentions.
This means that we cant simply read about emotional
intelligence in order to master it. We have to experience
and practice the skills in our everyday life.
Rapidly reduce stress in the moment
High levels of stress can overwhelm the mind and body,
getting in the way of our ability to accurately read a
situation, hear what someone else is saying, be aware of
our own feelings and needs, and communicate clearly.
Being able to quickly calm our self down and relieve stress
helps us stay balanced, focused, and in controlno matter
what challenges we face or how stressful a situation
becomes. Develop your stress-busting skills by working
through the following three steps:
The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what stress
feels like.
The second step is to identify our stress response
Everyone reacts differently to stress
THIRD STEP

Beat relationship stress with emotional

awareness
Being able to connect to our emotionshaving a moment-
to-moment awareness of our emotions and how they
influence our thoughts and actionsis the key to
understanding ourself and remaining calm and focused in
tense situations with others.
Many people are disconnected from their emotions
especially strong core emotions such as anger, sadness,
fear, and joy. This may be the result of negative childhood
experiences that taught us to try to shut off our feelings.
But although we can distort, deny, or numb our feelings,
we cant eliminate them. Theyre still there, whether were
aware of them or not.
We can develop our emotional awareness by learning the
mindfulness meditation that helps us to get in touch with
difficult emotions and manage uncomfortable feelings.

Nonverbal communication
Being a good communicator requires more than just verbal
skills and the ability to manage stress. Messages dont
stop when someone stops speaking. Even when were
silent, were still communicating nonverbally.
Often, what we say is less important than how we say it,
or the other nonverbal signals we send outthe gestures
we make, the way we sit, how fast or how loud we talk,
how close we stand, or how much eye contact we make. In
order to hold the attention of others and build connection
and trust, we need to be aware of, and in control of, this
body language. We also need to be able to accurately read
and respond to the nonverbal cues that other people send
us.

Use humor and play to deal with challenges

Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to lifes
difficulties; they lighten our burdens and help us keep
things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress,
elevates mood, and brings our nervous system back into
balance.

Its never too late to develop and embrace our playful,

humorous side. We must try setting aside regular, quality
playtime. The more we joke, play, and laughthe easier it
becomes. Another way is to practice by playing with
animals, babies, young children and outgoing people who
appreciate playful banter.

Resolve conflict positively

Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in relationships. Two
people cant possibly have the same needs, opinions, and
expectations at all times. However, that neednt be a bad
thing. Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can
strengthen trust between people. When conflict isnt perceived
as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and
safety in relationships.

The ability to manage conflicts in a positive, trust-building way

is supported by the previous four skills. Once you know how to
manage stress, stay emotionally present and aware,
communicate nonverbally, and use humor and play, youll be
better equipped to handle emotionally charged situations and
catch and defuse many issues before they escalate.
We can stay focused in the present: When you are not holding
on to old hurts and resentments, you can recognize the reality
of a current situation and view it as a new opportunity for
resolving old feelings about conflicts.
We can also choose our arguments: Arguments take time and
energy, especially if you want to resolve them in a positive
way. Consider what is worth arguing about and what is not.
We must learn to forgive: Other peoples hurtful behavior is in
the past. To resolve conflict, you need to give up the urge to
punish or seek revenge.
End conflicts that can't be resolved. It takes two people to keep
an argument going. You can choose to disengage from a
conflict, even if you still disagree.