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 "to not be killed" is awkward,
as is "by day five." I think
you mean after day five?
Your meaning here is
unclear because of the
wording. Try using positive
construction, like "have . . .
rights to live"

it therefore
should be
legal to
use them .
..

What do opponents want researchers to do with unused

embryos?
 need more detail to be persuasive.

omit is
good start, you just need more details to persuade your
reader that these are great sources.
Untitled
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

80
PAGE 1
/100

Text Comment. "to not be killed" is awkward, as is "by day f ive." I think you mean af ter day
f ive? Your meaning here is unclear because of the wording. T ry using positive construction, like
"have . . . rights to live"

Text Comment. it theref ore should be legal to use them . . .

QM Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence f ragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such f ragments
become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. T he most
common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a
noun) f or a main verb, as in the f ollowing sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare f rom dusk to
dawn."

QM Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence f ragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such f ragments
become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. T he most
common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a
noun) f or a main verb, as in the f ollowing sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare f rom dusk to
dawn."

Text Comment. What do opponents want researchers to do with unused embryos?

PAGE 2

QM hanging indent
good APA or MLA f ormat, but use "hanging" indent f or all lines af ter 1st.
 QM apa mla ref list
Use Purdue OWL to discover the proper content and f ormatting of these entries.

QM specif ics add

sentences are always helped by specif ic details. replace general terms with specif ics.

Text Comment. need more detail to be persuasive.

Text Comment. omit is

PAGE 3

Text Comment. good start, you just need more details to persuade your reader that these
are great sources.
RUBRIC: ANNOT BIBLIO RUBRIC

RHET FOCUS Prof icient

Write f or a specif ic audience and purpose.

ABSENT OR BELOW Audience's needs are of ten not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and
BASIC language needs adjustment f or the audience. Purpose (to persuade reader that
sources are appropriate f or this editorial) isn't clear or achieved.

DEVELOPING Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to persuade reader that
sources are appropriate f or this editorial) may be unclear at times, and it may not be
achieved convincingly.

PROFICIENT Usually shows attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to persuade reader that sources
are appropriate f or this editorial) may be implied, but it's clear and achieved.

ADVANCED Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to persuade reader that
sources are appropriate f or this editorial) is clear and achieved with style.

ET HICAL RES Developing

Using the appropriate majors customary citation style, ethically cite and communicate inf ormation f rom a
variety of discipline-appropriate sources.

ABSENT OR BELOW Omits or uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
BASIC marks incorrectly. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source.
Frequently uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources or relies exclusively on one
source.

DEVELOPING A f ew errors in discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Of ten includes sources without introduction in cases when introduction is
necessary and discipline appropriate. Sometimes relies too heavily on a single source
or uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.

PROFICIENT Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Usually introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is usually diverse, relevant and persuasive.

ADVANCED Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is always diverse, relevant and persuasive.

PERSUASION Developing
Compare, evaluate, synthesize, and communicate caref ully, objectively, and persuasively the relative merits
of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values. Integrate this evaluative work into
a persuasive argument.

ABSENT OR BELOW Annotations to the working title and thesis are unclear, and their relevance,
BASIC timeliness, balance, and authority may be questionable or unclear. Alternately, the
writer may not have written the three required sentences f or each source.

DEVELOPING Annotations are related to the working title and thesis, but their relevance, timeliness,
balance, and authority may be questionable or unclear.

PROFICIENT Annotations usually persuade reader that the listed sources support the working title
and thesis and are relevant, timely, balanced, and authoritative.

ADVANCED Annotations persuade reader that the listed sources support the working title and
thesis and are relevant, timely, balanced, and authoritative.

ORGANIZ AT ION Advanced

Organize, f ocus, and communicate ones thoughts clearly and ef f ectively to address a rhetorical situation.

ABSENT OR BELOW Organizational devices (working title and thesis, summary sentences, headings) are
BASIC missing or unclear. T hree-sentence annotations are not coherent.

DEVELOPING Organizational devices (working title and thesis, summary sentences, headings) f it
the prompt, but may be vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically linked. T hree-
sentence annotations may not be coherent.

PROFICIENT Clear, specif ic organizational devices (working title and thesis, summary sentences,
headings) f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together. T hree-sentence
annotations are coherent.

ADVANCED Clear, specif ic organizational devices (working title and thesis, summary sentences,
headings) f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together logically and seamlessly.
T hree-sentence annotations f low logically and seamlessly.

LANG & DESIGN Prof icient

Recognize, evaluate, and employ the f eatures and contexts of language and design that express and
inf luence meaning and that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural dif f erences.

ABSENT OR BELOW Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability. Lanuage may ref lect
BASIC a gender or cultural bias. Design may be unconventional and inef f ective.

DEVELOPING Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors of ten impede readability or otherwise
distract f rom meaning. Lanuage may occasionally suggest a gender or cultural bias.
Design may be inconventional or inef f ective.

PROFICIENT Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are f ew and do not distract f rom
meaning. Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional
and ef f ective.

ADVANCED Outstanding control of language, including ef f ective diction and sentence variety.
Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional and
ef f ective.