Boundary a guideline or limit you put in place as a mechanism to stay

rooted in your own power, neither giving it away nor exerting it over
someone else. This allows you to play in your own sandbox

Forms of Boundaries:

Physical pertaining to physical contact and personal space

Mental pertaining to beliefs, emotions, and intuition
Spiritual pertaining to self-esteem, sense of identity

Examples of unhealthy boundaries:

Going against personal values in order to please others

Over giving
Over taking
Letting others define you
Feeling guilty/bad when saying no
Not speaking up when being treated poorly
Playing the victim or the hero

Effects of not setting boundaries:

The amygdala in the brain perceives the crossing of a boundary as a

threat and initiates the fight, flight, freeze response. This triggers a
release of stress hormones like cortisol, which puts your body on
heightened alert. Over time this results in physical symptoms,
decreased self-esteem, anxiety, increased indecision and confusion.

Boundaries help us:

Feel safe
Show others how you want to be treated
Clearly communicate who you are
Be your authentic self
Model healthy interaction for others

Types of Boundaries:

Soft easily manipulated, overshadowed by others

Spongy inconsistent, soft at times rigid at other times, uncertain
about what to let in or not or how to communicate them

Rigid- firm, closed off, not able to see the boundary differently

Flexible in control of what is let in or kept out, resistant to

manipulation, responds to the situation instead of reacting

Two common indicators that youre letting go of your boundaries are

discomfort and resentment. During an interaction or in a situation,
check in with yourself, what is causing that? What is it about this
interaction, or the persons expectation that is bothering me?

Resentment usually indicates a sense of being taken advantage of or

not appreciated. Its often a sign that were over giving because we
feel guilty (want to be a good daughter or wife, for instance), or
someone else is imposing his or her expectations, views or values on
you.

Fear, guilt and self-doubt are big potential pitfalls; you may fear the
other persons response to your boundaries. Boundaries are a sign of a
healthy relationship and a sign of self-respect. Be gentle with yourself
and at the same time set boundaries and work to preserve them.

Stumbling Blocks:

Fear
Thinking its selfish
Unclear about your values and beliefs
Always putting other people first
Low self esteem
Confusion
Cultural/Familial norms
You cant set good boundaries if youre unsure of where you stand.
Identify your physical, emotional/mental and spiritual limits. Consider
what you are willing to tolerate and accept and what makes you feel
uncomfortable or stressed.

Its good to keep in mind a boundary does not have to be set in stone;
they are fluids in that as you change so can they. Here are some
jumping off points to clarify your stand.

Is the relationship reciprocal?

Is there a healthy give and take?
Is this adding or detracting from my wellbeing and/or happiness?
Does this cause me stress or discomfort? Why?
What are my top 5 values? Is this in alignment with them?
What do I want from this situation/interaction?
Is this situation in alignment with who I want to be?

Its important to communicate with the other person when theyve

crossed a boundary. In a respectful way, let the other person know
what in particular is bothersome to you and that you can work together
to address it.

Like any new skill, assertively communicating your boundaries takes

practice. Start with a small boundary that isnt threatening to you, and
then incrementally increasing to more challenging boundaries. Setting
boundaries takes courage, practice and support.

Inform by pointing out the behavior you find unacceptable.

Make a request.

Give instructions.

Ask for input.

If the person doesnt honor the boundary inform them of the

consequence.

Follow through
Integration:

Identify a physical, mental, and spiritual boundary.

What is the boundary?

What is your limiter (what is not acceptable)?
Where is it showing up in your life? (Home, work, certain
individuals or types of individuals- i.e.: authority figures)
How can you communicate it?
Pick a smaller (not intense/scary) boundary and communicate it
to someone, sometimes it helps to practice with a friend