COMMUNICATION: A TOOL FOR MARRIAGE STABILITY

Prelude
As we all know, marriage is an enduring and perennial relationship of total self-giving
between a man and a woman with the approval of the Church and the society, as the case may
be. The Churchs Canon Law (Canon 1055) defines the marriage covenant as that by which a
man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of their whole life, and which
of its own very nature is ordered to the well-being of the spouses and to the procreation and
upbringing of children. The institution of marriage is one of the oldest institutions, from
creation. Christ raised it to the dignity of a sacrament. The Church teaches that the goal of
this sacrament is the good of the spouses, and the procreation and upbringing of children. Its
essential properties are unity and indissolubility. Their unity must be in mind, body and soul,
just as Christ is with His bride, the Church. However, among all the essential elements of
marriage, the good of the spouses supersedes every other.
Communication on the other hand is the activity or process of expressing or sharing ideas,
feelings, thoughts, information and messages with others; making them known to other
people so they understand them. It has to do mainly with exchange of ideas, interaction,
consultation, rapport between those involved in the communication ring. This communication
includes writing and talking, as well as nonverbal communication, visual communication, and
electronic communication. It is a vital part of personal life and very important in any situation
where people encounter each other. The most common form of daily communication is
interpersonalthat is, face-to-face. Where more do we find this other than in marriage? The
ability of a couple to effectively communicate rather than shrink away or monopolise the
scene determines to a very large extent, the stability of their marriage. This is not without
appreciation of the many challenges this noble institution faces today.
Challenges to Marriage Stability: Any Remedy?
Marriage is the foundation of the family. The family in turn is the foundation of both the
ecclesial community and the civil society. So in other words, marriage forms the fulcrum of
the entire society, and a good marriage would more likely produce good citizens who would
then form a good society. Unfortunately, our contemporary world is saturated with diverse
situations, developments and obstacles which seriously threaten the stability, integrity and
perpetuity of the marriage institution. They include infidelity, distrust, divorce, modernity,
juvenile delinquency, media, sexuality, gender roles/differences, career, violence, ignorance,
poverty, and other personal, social, cultural, political, religious, economic difficulties which
married couples live with in the world today. Amidst all these, how do we salvage our
cherished marital union? The panacea to these ills is communication.
Communication in Marriage
For the English literary critic and author I.A. Richards, communication takes place when one
mind so acts upon its environment that another mind is influenced, and in that other mind an
experience occurs which is like the experience in the first mind, and is caused in part by that
experience. A good communicator must know how to start and end a conversation, how to
express and make themselves understood, how to respond to the partner's gestures and
statements, how to be sensitive to their partner's situation, and must be a good listener too.
This is called communication competence. The want of it is called communication
apprehension. In fact, every marriage is defined by the relative position of its partners on this
scale, with communication competence and communication apprehension at the two extremes
respectively.
A marriage without proper communication is like a flight without destination.
Communication takes two modes the horizontal and the vertical. The horizontal is the
human plane while the vertical is the divine plane. On the human level, dialogue, sharing,
mutual appreciation, endurance, forgiveness, sincerity and understanding hold fort. The
divine plane features prayer, sacraments and a profound conjugal spirituality as the soul of
the spouses communication with the divine, the source of their being and sustainer of their
marriage. Spouses should maintain constant communication and in-depth relationship with
themselves, with their children and family, with their community, as well as with their God.
Communication, trust, togetherness, love, respect, as well as sacrifice go together. It also
involves asking questions, closing up distance, wise silence, and even reading up too.
Communication must not always be explicit, and verbal violence is never to be tolerated.
Communication is a vital part of marital intimacy and fidelity. Couples should devote quality
time to each other all through their marriage, not just for their own good, but for the good of
their children who learn from them as Christian evangelists and witnesses of the gospel of
marriage.
A very important aspect of this marital communication which encompasses the different types
indicated above and is unique and exclusive to marital union is sexual communication.
Inclusive of, but at the same time, far beyond genital communication, sexual communication
refers to the proper harnessing and well-ordering of the varied dimensions of the sexuality of
the spouses, including their gender roles, differences, preferences and emotional
requirements. We have not just carnal infidelity but social infidelity, emotional infidelity,
spiritual infidelity, economic infidelity and even professional infidelity. How much of your
bodily integrity do you devote exclusively and expressly to your spouse in that mutual and
total self-giving? How much time do you spend with your spouse or have fun or feel relaxed
in their company or in the comfort of your home? How much does your spouse know about
your daily life, plans, tendencies, desires, joys, pains and situation? How much do you
contribute towards the deeper spirituality and salvation of your spouse? How much does your
spouse know of your sources of income and expenses or partake in them? How much does
your career/function deprive you of your family time, communion and intimacy? The stability
of your marriage depends largely on these considerations. Communication is like the elixir
for all these maladies.
Conclusion
The heart of every marriage is the relationship. Since people change constantly in response to
forces and needs from both within and without, which may alter their moods, attitudes and
dispositions, communication is the means to stay abreast of these vicissitudes and hence
sustain the relationship. The most valuable form of communication is the WE. The more a
couple uses the WE the more they rightly remain a WE. The more they use the I and
the YOU the more they remain individuals, if not rivals; this is the case without love. Love
is the principle and power of communion and the raison dtre for marital communion,
communication and intimacy. Love is the foundation of every communication and enables the
couple to think and act in terms of WE and appreciate rather than criticize each other.
Above all, the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph is the perfect example for all couples
in all aspects of genuine, humble, holy, and formative communication and family interaction.
Caring and sharing should be key virtues in any successful marriage. Communication is the
watch word for marriage stability and remains valid for all times and climes.