Freedom Essay - Collection two

by Raina Standaert

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 1

T hesis

T one

3
Improper Cit at ion

Needs t opic

Float

Awk.
 6

Improper Cit at ion

T one
7

8
Freedom Essay - Collection two
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

80
PAGE 1
/100

Comment 1
MLA please

Comment 2
Redundant. You just said this.

QM Thesis
T hesis needs work:
T he thesis is the central idea of your paper around which all your evidence and claims are
organized. Every single paragraph should be dedicated in a clear way to proving your thesis. In
your essay, the thesis should be stated as quickly and as clearly as possible. In f act, many
teachers will expect your thesis statement to appear in the last sentence of your essay's f irst
paragraph. A vivid thesis statement will announce the steps of its argument, not just provide a
f lat statement of the essay's ultimate goal. T hink of the thesis as a roadmap that gives
directions to your reader rather than as a picture of your f inal destination.

QM Tone
Inappropriate T one:
T he way you say something can be just as meaningf ul as the content of what you say. In an
academic essay, there is a danger of being too inf ormal. As you write, you must have a clear
sense of the kind of reader (audience) you are writing f or, and adjust the f ormality, complexity,
sincerity, and depth of your writing accordingly. In short, your tone is your overall attitude
toward your reader. Your tone should in all circumstances be consistent and respectf ul.
Problems with tone arise most of ten f rom the use of slang expressions, which you must avoid
in academic writing.

Comment 3 | Elaborat ion

So? Elaborate.
PAGE 2

QM Improper Citation
Improper citation:
Improperly cited material. Please use the link below to f ind links to inf ormation regarding specif ic
citation styles: http://www.plagiarism.org/plag_article_citation_styles.html

Comment 4 | Elaborat ion

T here is so much more. Elaborate.

QM Needs topic
Needs topic sentence:
A well-organized paragraph supports or develops a central idea. T he topic sentence should
explain the thesis of the paragraph and unif y the content of the rest of the paragraph.

QM Float
Floating quotation:
When you quote f rom another source, you must also link the quotation to your own writing. A
quotation must not f loat independently in your paragraph. Instead, make sure you introduce
your quotation properly by f itting it grammatically and logically to your own words.

Comment 5 | Elaborat ion

What happened "here"? Why were the people f ighting? Your "means" needs more explanation.
Elaborate.

QM Awk.
Awkward:
T he expression or construction is cumbersome or dif f icult to read. Consider rewriting.

PAGE 3

Comment 6
T ransition

QM Improper Citation
Improper citation:
Improperly cited material. Please use the link below to f ind links to inf ormation regarding specif ic
citation styles: http://www.plagiarism.org/plag_article_citation_styles.html

QM Tone
Inappropriate T one:
T he way you say something can be just as meaningf ul as the content of what you say. In an
academic essay, there is a danger of being too inf ormal. As you write, you must have a clear
sense of the kind of reader (audience) you are writing f or, and adjust the f ormality, complexity,
sincerity, and depth of your writing accordingly. In short, your tone is your overall attitude
toward your reader. Your tone should in all circumstances be consistent and respectf ul.
 Problems with tone arise most of ten f rom the use of slang expressions, which you must avoid
in academic writing.

Comment 7
Counterclaim?

Comment 8
Great ideas Raina! Your "voice" is coming through. Elaborate - tell more about the meaning and
the signif icance of each piece of well-chosen evidence. Work on integrating your evidence more
smoothly.

PAGE 4

PAGE 5
RUBRIC: ENG 2 ARGUMENTATIVE RUBRIC(WC) 3.8 0 / 5

PURPOSE/FOCUS (20%) 4/5

EXCEPTIONAL (a) Claim is clear, f ocused, and maintained. [if applicable: (b) Alternate or opposing
(5) claim(s) are adequately addressed.]

SKILLED (a) Claim is clear, and f or the most part maintained, though some loosely relevant
(4) material may be present. [if applicable: (b)Alternate or opposing claim(s) are
introduced.]

PROFICIENT (a) Claim may be clearly f ocused, but is f lawed in some signif icant way(s). [if
(3) applicable: (b) Alternate or opposing claim(s) are unclear or unf ocused.]

DEVELOPING (a) Claim is unf ocused and/or insuf f iciently sustained. [if applicable: (b)Alternate or
(2) opposing claim(s) are unclear or not present.]

INADEQUATE (a) Claim may be conf using or ambiguous. [if applicable: (b) Alternate or opposing
(1) claim(s) are not present.]

MISSING
(0)

ORGANIZ AT ION (20%) 4/5

EXCEPTIONAL (c) Consistent use of transitional strategies. (d) Logical progression of ideas f rom
(5) beginning to end. (e) Ef f ective introduction and conclusion f or audience and purpose.

SKILLED (c) Adequate use of transitional strategies with some variety. (d) Adequate
(4) progression of ideas f rom beginning to end. (e) Adequate introduction and
conclusion.

PROFICIENT (c) Inconsistent use of basic transitional strategies with little variety. (d) Uneven
(3) progression of ideas f rom beginning to end. (e) Introduction and conclusion are
present.

DEVELOPING (c) Limited use of basic transitional strategies with little or no variety. (d) Unclear
(2) progression of ideas f rom beginning to end. (e) Introduction and conclusion are
attempted but insuf f icient.

INADEQUATE (c) Few or no transitional strategies are evident. (d) Has a major drif t in the
(1) progression of ideas/completely of f topic. (e) Introduction and/or conclusion may not
be present.

MISSING
(0)

ELABORAT ION (30%) 3/5

Elaboration of Evidence
EXCEPTIONAL (f ) Relevant evidence f rom a suf f icient amount of sources is ef f ectively integrated.
(5) (g) Ef f ective use of elaborative techniques ("means/matters").

SKILLED (f ) Relevant evidence f rom a suf f icient amount of sources is integrated, though
(4) integration may be slightly awkward, general, or imprecise. (g) Adequate use of some
elaborative techniques. ("means/matters")

PROFICIENT (f ) Evidence f rom sources may be weakly and awkwardly integrated. (g) Marginal or
(3) inconsistent use of elaborative techniques ("means/matters").

DEVELOPING (f ) Evidence f rom sources, although included, is insuf f icient. (g) Elaborative
(2) techniques are weak.

INADEQUATE (f ) Use of evidence f rom sources is minimal, absent, in error, or irrelevant. (g)
(1) Elaborative techniques are absent.

MISSING
(0)

L/V/S (10%) 4/5

Language, Vocabulary, and Style

EXCEPTIONAL (h) Proper use of academic and domain-specif ic vocabulary is appropriate f or the
(5) audience and purpose. Proper voice, tone, and perspective is used. Distinct writing
style is used.

SKILLED (h) Use of academic and domain-specif ic vocabulary is generally appropriate f or the
(4) audience and purpose. Mostly the proper voice, tone, and perspective is used. A
distinct writing style is attempted.

PROFICIENT (h) Use of academic and domain-specif ic vocabulary may at times be inappropriate
(3) f or the audience and purpose. Voice, tone, and perspective may be inappropriate or
inconsistent. Writing style is vague or overly simplistic.

DEVELOPING (h) Use of academic and domain-specif ic vocabulary is largely inappropriate f or the
(2) audience and purpose. Voice, tone, and perspective is inappropriate or causes major
inconsistencies in the paper. Simplistic writing style limits ef f ectiveness of paper.

INADEQUATE (h) Uses limited academic language or domain-specif ic vocabulary and has little sense
(1) of audience and purpose. Voice, tone, and/or perspective is conf usingly inconsistent
or inappropriate. Writing style is unrecognizable.

MISSING
(0)

CONVENT IONS (15%) 5/5

EXCEPTIONAL (i) Demonstrates some syntactical variety, and has limited or no errors in grammar,
(5) usage, and sentence f ormation. (j) Standard use of punctuation, capitalization, and
spelling.
SKILLED (i) Some errors in grammar, usage, and sentence f ormation may be present, but no
(4) systematic pattern of errors is displayed. (j) Some errors in punctuation,
capitalization, and spelling.

PROFICIENT (i) Frequent errors in grammar and usage may obscure meaning. (j) Frequent errors in
(3) punctuation, capitalization, and spelling.

DEVELOPING (i) Frequent errors in grammar, usage, and sentence f ormation obscure meaning. (j)
(2) Frequent errors and/or limited use of punctuation, capitalization, and spelling.

INADEQUATE (i) Errors in grammar, usage, and sentence f ormation are f requent and severe, and
(1) meaning is of ten obscured. (j) Inappropriate or incorrect use of punctuation,
capitalization, and spelling.

MISSING
(0)

MLA/WC (5%) 3/5

EXCEPTIONAL Evidence is integrated with appropriate citation and a corresponding Works Cited
(5) page that is f ormatted correctly. All other elements of MLA f ormatting is adhered to.

SKILLED Evidence has citations that are f or the most part done correctly. Works Cited page is
(4) present but may have minor f ormatting errors. Most other elements of MLA
f ormatting rules are f ollowed.

PROFICIENT Evidence's citations, if present, are inconsistent or tend to not f ollow proper citation
(3) rules. Works Cited page is incomplete or has repetitive f ormatting errors. Some MLA
f ormatting rules are not f ollowed.

DEVELOPING Evidence is of ten times inappropriately integrated or incorrectly cited. Works Cited
(2) page has major errors. Other MLA f ormatting rules are of ten not f ollowed.

INADEQUATE Evidence is not cited, f or the most part, are are nearly all done incorrectly. Works
(1) Cited page is missing or has errors that diminish its purpose. Most or nearly all MLA
f ormatting rules are not f ollowed.

MISSING
(0)