Dear Reader

Have you ever struggled with knowing if you should say something or keep it to your
self ? I have decided to tell you a dreamit is uncomfortable for me in the telling, but
good in the ending.

DREAM: about eight months ago in a dream I was in a building with

people who had varying degrees of disabilities. I complained to some one
about a particular young boy who would lunge towards me, in particular
he would swipe at my eyes.

Out of the second floor window, I looked down at a disturbing scene.

Through a garage type opening I saw someone moving a low but large
stainless steel pushcart, and on it was naked living beings in varying
stages of development. Some bodies were close to adulthood and others
looked like heads with spinal cords. Some were crying and were being
comforted by others.

Next I knew there was going to be a release of mosquitoes into this room.

Now you know why I hesitated. My initial reaction to this dream was that it was a
nightmare; I was really upset when I woke up. Some would say, go with your first
reaction and junk this dream. The trouble with that is, I am a dreamer and I understand
that a large percentage of dreams are symbolic in nature. And I have to mention that I
see in layers, meaning at various levels...like an apple tree will have fruit, leaves, wood,
roots, rings, grain and cells.

So I prayed, sought counsel from friends, put the dream in hibernation and brought it
out again a few times...for me, it has been a bumpy road to any kind of clarity on this
dream. Then the obvious nose of this dream got in my face. This dream is about
complaining.

Interestingly, the 1st mention of complaining in scripture is Numbers 11:1

1 AND WHEN THE PEOPLE COMPLAINED, IT DISPLEASED THE LORD: AND THE LORD
HEARD IT; AND HIS ANGER WAS KINDLED; AND THE FIRE OF THE LORD BURNT AMONG
THEM, AND CONSUMED THEM THAT WERE IN THE UTTERMOST PARTS OF THE CAMP.

6 BUT NOW OUR SOUL IS DRIED AWAY: THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL, BESIDE THIS
MANNA, BEFORE OUR EYES. (KJV)

I think complaining may be the number 1 failure of many believers, and I am taking this
word very personally; I must examine my own heart in the light of this dream.
To complain means to mourn, murmur, criticize, fret, gripe, moan, sigh, rant, grumble,
suspicion, undertone, yearn, ache, accuse, whisper, mutter, and regret...I could go on.

Then I discovered the root word for mourn is to die, wither. I instantly recognized that
complaining in its various expressions (verbal or non verbal) puts atrophy in motion in
my body, soul and spirit. I accept that the undeveloped bodies (or parts of my life) on
the cart, never fully developed or became fruitful because of me. I chose death over life;
it is always about the position and condition the heart.

I want to give you a very recent example of this. While studying for this article, my
husband calls out from another room for my help, I sighed and thought geesh, not
again! (I think I even rolled my eyes). I just grumbled...silently, but it was still a grumble
that sent out a buzz (mosquito) into the atmosphere. And why is this important? There
are at least two reasons. I just gave the enemy legal fodder (my blood) to bring an
accusation/complaint (dis-ease) against me. I almost lost the fruit of dying to my self-
will, again. I repented and asked that the Lord align my heart with His and not my
enemy the accuser.

And there is another point to consider. The grumblers in Numbers 11:1 were positioned
in the uttermost parts of the camp. When I complain, I locate myself on the border,
brink or the edge. I am no longer centered in Him, in His character.

But do you know what is so amazing about being at the edge or the fringe? I can reach
out and touch the hem of Jesus garment, and like the woman with the issue of blood, I
am made whole. (Mark 5:25-34)

So in closing, I want to say that I never considered my self to be a grumbler or

complainer because it was so subtle, which was why I couldnt see it. The little boy in
the dream was pointing to my blind spot. And in all the telling of this dream and my
confession, I almost feel this is just the beginning of my eyes being opened; and
uncomfortable or not, I think there is more to this story, more to tell.

My best,
Linda