AN ADVERTISING SECTION OF THE STATE NEWSPAPER | FRIDAY, JULY 21, 2017

2D ...........................................................................................................THE STATE FRIDAY JULY 21 2017

How to handle death? Cry, hospice pastor says

He knew the song he wanted (Jesus
BY MARK BREDHOLT Loves Me), the three people he wanted
Special to The State to speak and the Bible story of Jesus
holding and blessing children (Mark 10).
I kept looking at his beautiful eyes and
Tears are the noble language of the eye. listening to the childlike voice who spoke
Robert Herrick (1591-1674), with such grace about the service we
English poet and cleric were planning.
I was exhausted and felt the planning
was over, but he had one more question
Death, loss and pain have been three for me.
of my closest companions throughout my He wanted to know if I could get him a
64 years. white suit to be buried in. I knew that I
In my last two years of could probably get him 10 white suits. At
high school and my first that moment the inner child who lived in
two years of college, I me wanted to know what was so impor-
worked for a small, coun- tant about having a white suit.
try funeral home. Later, He told me of his losses which in-
the twists and turns of life cluded the death of his mother, an ab-
brought me into the sentee father, and other people who
unique world of hospice stopped coming around because he had
Bredholt care, where I spent 34 AIDS.
years as a chaplain. I have He then explained to me that he want-
concluded my formal ties to hospice and ed a white suit because everyone in heav-
have transitioned into being on-call to en wears white, and for once, he just
local funeral homes when a family needs working on for many years now. Have going to be like everyone else and have a
help and guidance with a funeral or me- you ever noticed that when people cry place to belong.
morial service. they almost always apologize to the peo- I nodded without words, gave him a
On hundreds of occasions, I have been ple who are present in that holy moment. hug and told him not to worry. The mist
asked the same question over and over Why? of tears began to form, and by the time I
again. How do you handle all that death? Part of the answer is that people keep reached my car, the baptism was com-
The answer is a fairly short one. I cry. telling other people to be strong when plete.
My tears have been a healing balm and they are feeling everything but strong. A I cried at the funeral. I cried at the
the gift of restoring balance and under- big part of our culture believes that cry- burial. I cry 29 years later, every time I
standing for the world I must navigate. ing is weakness. I have learned to tell pay respects at his grave or tell his story.
I am not sure when this gift arrived. I people it is better to be healthy than to And every tear is my way of remem-
remember crying from watching movies be strong. Tears keep us healthy and bering that I am grateful for all the love
like Old Yeller, The Diary of Anne human. he shared with me and that his complete
Frank and To Kill a Mockingbird in Tears connect us to other special gifts AIDS. He was living in a foster home spirit travels with me every single day.
my childhood. President Kennedys as well. Tears honor truth and love in our with a God-sent loving and wise mother. May all people live their life in such a
death and funeral was so sad and scary relationships, and I am pretty sure the One day he asked me to help him plan way to be worthy of tears from the hearts
to my brief 10 years of life, but the gift of world could use more of those two vir- his funeral. It was a hard moment and a that love us best.
my tears connected me to all the other tues. task I was not ready for. He insisted; he
people who were crying, and I felt better I still cry for a little boy I served in my was not going to let the matter go. Bredholt is a longtime hospice pastor who
that I was not alone in my grief. early years of being a hospice chaplain. We talked about what he knew of fu- has helped more than 25,000 patients and
I have a question that I have been He was 8 years old and was dying of nerals and what he wanted in his service. their family members deal with death.

.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

PEACE OF MIND
An advertising section of The State | July 21, 2017

SARA JOHNSON BORTON BERNIE HELLER REBEKAH LEWIS HALL ON THE COVER
President and Publisher Vice President of Advertising Special Projects Coordinator Cover design by Louie Lanford.
..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
FRIDAY JULY 21 2017 THE STATE..................................................................................................... 3D

ADVERTORIAL

Shives Funeral Home offers comfort, reverence in difficult time

W
hen a loved one dies, family and friends
need to gather in a place where they can
honor their loved ones memory and
begin healing. We offer compassion and
support at this difficult time.
We live in Columbia, and being family-owned
makes us unique, responsive, and flexible. We listen to
what families feel is best for the loved ones and their
needs. We offer choices to honor your loved ones life.
By design, our Trenholm Road Chapel, built in
2015, doesnt feel like a funeral home. Nineteen-foot
ceilings, distinctive flooring, soothing colors, and a
serene atmosphere offer loved ones an elegant, mod-
ern setting. Those who value a more traditional ven-
ue may choose our Colonial Chapel for its early
20th-century atmosphere.
When lifes most difficult time arrives, were here
to provide comfort and reverence. Youll find that
were adaptable when it comes to your wishes and
requirements. Shives Funeral Home will guide you
through a path to healing where memories of your
loved one remain an indelible part of your life. BRIAN DRESSLER provided photo RICK SMOAK provided photo
4D ...........................................................................................................THE STATE FRIDAY JULY 21 2017
FRIDAY JULY 21 2017 THE STATE..................................................................................................... 5D
6D ...........................................................................................................THE STATE FRIDAY JULY 21 2017
FRIDAY JULY 21 2017
Best time to plan final arrangements: before you need them
Y
our daughter comes to
you saying that she is
getting married in three
days. Can you imagine
planning a wedding in just a few
days? Then, why leave the plan-
ning of your ultimate celebra-
tion to the last minute?
Planning your own end-of-life
celebration can afford you the
security of knowing your wishes
will be carried out, freeing your
loved ones of those decisions.
1IfYou want to ease the
burden on your family.
your wishes are unknown
when you die, your family will
have to make difficult decisions
during a trying time. Do they
know if you prefer to be buried
or cremated? Will they agree on
an open or closed casket? Will
they agree on how much to
Q&A SUZANNE TURKIEWICZ ELKINS
Elkins is general manager for
Thompson Funeral Homes in
Lexington, West Columbia and
Columbia; Greenlawn Memorial
Park; Woodridge Funeral Home
and Memorial Park; and George
Funeral Home and Cremation
Center in Aiken.
Q: What does your business do?
Q.
A: We serve thousands of
A.
Midlands families before a
death occurs, at the time of
death, and for many years after.
Q: Whats the one question
Q.
people should ask you, but
usually dont?
A: When I travel, especially on
A.
planes, people ask me what I do.
If I say Im a funeral director, its
spend? Confusion and disagree-
ments are common occurrences
when there is no plan to follow.
You may even want to hold a
celebration before your physical
death, in order to participate in
your own unique gathering.
2yourYou want to assume the
financial responsibility for
celebration.
Planning ahead enables you
to make financial arrangements
to cover your celebration costs.
Even if you are leaving behind
sufficient money, will your
survivors be able to access it at
the time of your death?
3meaningful
You want your family to
have the benefit of a
celebration.
A celebration is an important
event for a grieving family.
usually pretty quiet in the next
seat the remainder of the trip. If I
tell them Im the general manger
for a cluster of amazing, innova-
tive celebration centers and prop-
erties, they ask me questions the
entire trip! Its my belief that
everyone has a story.
Q: Youd never guess that:
Q.
A: A funeral home or memo-
A.
rial park is a great place to work!
Q: What is your mission?
Q.
A: Our mission is driven by
A.
five truths that keep us true to
our principles. As the funeral
ADVERTORIAL
Psychologically, it enables the
family to begin the healing
process. It is difficult to make
the celebration the best it can be
when planning is rushed.
industry changes, it is these five
truths partnership, relationships,
innovation, compassion and a
focus on people that guide us.
Partnership: We honor the
unique identities and person-
alities of our partners in the
community, our first respon-
ders, and those who provide
services to us, so that we may
take care of our families.
Relationships: Everything we
do revolves around relationships
with families, clergy, commu-
nities, hospice, health care pro-
viders and hospitals. We nurture
and build these relationships
because people matter.
Innovation: With the growth
of cremation and a reduced
number of people seeking tradi-
tional funeral services, we un-
derstand how business has
changed. We develop new ideas
and technologies that make
what we do truly unique and
valuable to families.
Compassion: We must never
forget that the greatest value we
THE STATE..................................................................................................... 7D
celebration services, you can
clearly express them in your
celebration plan. You may have
preferences regarding burial or
cremation, the epitaph on your
headstone, or the music and
readings at your celebration. Or
you may not want a celebration
ceremony. Whatever your wish-
es, they need to be set forth in
your plan.
5 You want to be self-reliant
and have your affairs in
order.
Taking care of your end-of-
life celebration is a thoughtful
and caring thing to do for your
family and you can be assured
4If you
You want your final wishes
to be followed.
have specific prefer-
that they will appreciate your
continued care for them.
Any time is a good time to
ences for the disposition of your plan your celebration except
remains and the nature of your the time of death.
offer people is human compas- Q: What have you learned the
Q.
sion. We demonstrate our hard way?
empathy in real, meaningful A: Success means different
A.
ways, which, in turn, engenders things to different people. Each
trust from the families we serve. individual on your team is moti-
A focus on people: By taking vated in different ways. Make
care of our own funeral direc- sure you understand how your
tors, family care specialists, organization goals are aligned to
ambassadors, drivers, embal- individual goals to drive results.
mers, grounds crew and admin-
istrative staff members, we can, Q: Whats the secret to good
Q.
in turn, provide exceptional care business?
to our families. A: Always do the right thing
A.
not the easy thing, the right
Q: Why did you choose this
Q. thing. If you make a mistake
career? we all do own up to it, correct
A: What we do makes a dif-
A. it and learn from it. Bad news
ference in the lives of our com- does not get better with time.
munity. Most people only expe- Treat your team with respect,
rience a death a few times in empower them to make the
their lives, so they count on us right decisions, and then always
to treat their loved one and back them up. Trust in yourself
them with respect, dignity, and in others.
compassion and understanding.
Every family, every situation, Q: What do you love about
Q.
every deceased individual has a doing business in Columbia?
unique life a story to share A: People in the Midlands are
A.
with all who knew and amazing they have such
supported them. passion for our community!
8D ...........................................................................................................THE STATE FRIDAY JULY 21 2017