Assert Yourself: How to find your voice and make your mark
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About this ebook
Do you find it hard to say 'no'? Are you tongue-tied in important meetings? Bored of 'mansplaining' when you know that you're the best qualified person on a particular topic? Understanding the difference between being assertive and being aggressive can be a crucial lesson on your career journey, and Assert Yourself can help you find your voice and stand up for yourself.
Full of practical advice on how to change the way you work and live for the better, the book contains a self-assessment quiz, step-by-step guidance, top tips, common mistakes and advice on how to avoid them, and summaries of key points.
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Book preview
Assert Yourself - Bloomsbury Publishing
Contents
How assertive are you?
1. Communicating assertively at work
2. Developing presence
3. Building confidence at work
4. Managing others’ perceptions
5. Using non-verbal communication
6. Dealing with stressful relationships and bullying
7. Improving leadership skills
8. Negotiating the pay rise you deserve
Where to find more help
Index
How assertive are you?
Answer the questions and work out where you are on the assertiveness scale, then read the guidance points for ideas on how to get the most positive response from those around you.
How often do you feel ‘put upon’ at work?
a) Regularly, but it is what I expect.
b) I generally feel in control of my workload.
c) Colleagues have finally realized that I am not to be imposed upon.
How do you feel when someone seeks your opinion?
a) Very grateful as it happens so rarely.
b) I feel happy that they value my judgements.
c) Colleagues usually know my opinions already – if they have to ask, they weren’t listening!
It’s your annual review and you feel you deserve a decent pay rise. Which is closest to your approach?
a) I wait for them to mention it. They know their budgets.
b) I explain how I’ve progressed, and why I deserve a rise.
c) I demand a pay rise – or else!
You’re having a discussion with someone who isn’t giving you a chance to respond. What do you do?
a) Wait and listen. They may have something valuable to say.
b) Make eye contact and let my body language show I’m about to speak, before starting to make my point.
c) Talk louder than them – they’ll soon stop and listen!
If a colleague asks you to do something which isn’t in your job remit, what do you do?
a) Try to fit it in – it’s important to be as helpful as possible.
b) It may provide a useful learning experience, so I try to fit it in, but make sure they know I’m doing them a favour.
c) Refuse – it’s their job and their responsibility.
How do you feel about your managers?
a) I worry that they don’t think much of me.
b) I respect their experience. We’re all on the same team.
c) I don’t think much of them, and I try to avoid them so I can get on with my job.
A colleague stops by to chat but stays too long, preventing you from getting on with your work. What do you do?
a) Let them stay, and resign myself to staying late to finish.
b) Explain that I have a deadline to meet and suggest they return another time.
c) Tell them to stop bothering me – can’t they see I’m busy?
You suspect a colleague dislikes you, but aren’t sure why. How do you deal with this?
a) Pretend I’m unaware of their attitude and try my best to avoid them.
b) Talk to them to find out the reason for their aversion.
c) Be confrontational in my dealings with them so that next time they will think twice about being haughty.
a = 1, b = 2 and c = 3. Now add up your scores.
Chapter 1 is useful to everyone as it suggests different ways of projecting a more positive image, including paying attention to body language and reacting differently to different character types.
8–13: You’re at the passive end of the assertiveness scale, and if you’re not careful, you’ll end up being taken for granted, which will make you very unhappy. Assertiveness is not simply about talking more and louder; read Chapter 2 to discover new ways of developing presence – let people know you are there! Learn how to control others’ perceptions of you by reading Chapter 5. Bullying is never acceptable. If you think you’re being treated unfairly or being bullied, Chapter 6 offers advice on dealing with your situation.
14–18: You have a balanced, assertive approach to your work and colleagues, which would be good to build upon. Develop your non-verbal communication and leadership skills (Chapters 5 and 7) to hone your abilities and achieve your full potential.
19–24: You’re in danger of being aggressive and making enemies. Perhaps your behaviour stems from a lack of confidence in your abilities, and you’re overcompensating for this. Chapters 3 and 7 offer ideas for building confidence. Remember to communicate effectively by listening actively and mirroring your colleagues’ body language (Chapters 2 and 4). You’re all working for the same side, so you shouldn’t feel the need to compete for supremacy!
1
Communicating assertively at work
Do you find that people get the better of you at work,