Scribd Logo
Upload

Welcome to Scribd!

  • Reasons To Be Pretty by Neil Labute PDF

    Uploaded by

    Anonymous PYPVSwR
    12K views29 pages

    Original Title

    344278047-293887778-Reasons-to-be-pretty-by-Neil-Labute-pdf.pdf

    Copyright

    © © All Rights Reserved

    Available Formats

    PDF or read online from Scribd

    Did you find this document useful?

    Is this content inappropriate?

    Report this Document

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    12K views29 pages

    Reasons To Be Pretty by Neil Labute PDF

    Uploaded by

    Anonymous PYPVSwR

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    of 29
    CHARACTERS: CARLY STEPH GREG KENT SETTING Athome, at work, at the mall, a a restaurant, and at che ball field. TIME ‘The present. reasons to be pretty Scene One + Lights burst on, At home, Tivo people in their bedroom, already deep in the middle of it. A nice little fight. Wham! GREG. ... no, no, no, no, no, uh-uh, no! STEPH. ‘Ye GREG. No, that’s not it / I didat say that! STEPH. Don't lie, you fucket! / Yes, you did! GREG. Steph . STEPH. No, don, do not “Steph” GREG. ... come on, Stephanie STEPH. Dont do shar, you ptick! Dont play the “Srephanie” game, do not ight now! ' say anything, I'm telling you the truth here! ie use chat word, so ... that’s... Twould never say chat about you, ever, and I'm it! / BULLSHIT? Fucker... GREG. I did not, I dont care what she said to you ... /I didn’t say “ugly”! No. I'm ».. was in the other room, you bastard! In the next room, tty and Lance Armstrong your way oura this one! ‘mentioned you, that’ all. In a mice way. some... / Fuck you, st wanna go to ... bed ..- 5 STEPH. ... I dontt care XK, would you not gonna stoy REG. Yes. / Yeah, well, dat’ fucked. OK? STEPH. No, you're fucked, that’s what's fucked here, mister, you are ... you are fucked. Big time . i, so 'm not gonna .. . 10 not walk out of here when we're fighting are if im late going in or not. So. (They both sop fora mamens Seng chs snk tr. Step angrily ples her hair into @ makeshift b thing.) Sie Man hiss. bout being peycho or that sorta unk. / Uh-uh. No. GREG. Stephanie, listen ... / Please . STEPH, Fuck “please.” Please i sit Please is ke crap out in your pants and are too embarrassed to clean up not gonna even listen to “please.” No. . GREG. OK, thea, I dont know what to say to you about this. i yeneral he truth. I might be willing to overlook your gs en aie wth might be on its way at some ff youre lying . Ya know, you swear a STEPH. Fuck. Ye ng... “fuck you.” If thar’ all you can do ow, try and dilute the issue at hand by sidetra ting us all turned around by .. GREG. .... I'm just pointing ic out but you'e being all STEPH. ... or or trying to make me smile or any of th ally do, then “fuck you" is what I have to say! To y .. fine then. GREG. T'm noi! 'm just trying to be... STEPH. What did you say that she heard and then called me about? / Hmmm? What? about what I'll do to you. I'am. GREG. Seeph ... STEPH. Greg. GREG. I really didn't say anything! (Beat) It’s not, I mean, did she say that I...? What? STEPH. You don't remember? Hmm? GREG. No, I mean, I was talking to Kent and we were laughing about stuff, abous like, I dunno — work and how this new guy who's a real goof has been begging us to join our softball team so were joking about whatever and ... that’s all. / Come on, Steph, you know how we are when we get STEPH. Yeah? gonna call you every tim then .. I'm sick of her acting like a cop even ‘one, OK, she's not, / She's a — i's being ston. STEPH. Fine then. / And so you're zalking 7 dont be all . what you said. id it loud enough for her to hear it, for ito me in complete detail — verbatim, as you like to to my face «. it. Beat.) Go on. jou and you tel fe .. that’s stupid, s0 no. not scared of you or about anything I s des weld had a few beers and maybe we Shr seen ee chen, Greg. Door to the kitchen was wre made up of sound, case you didn't GREG." Veah, Fm down withthe basi scentiic principles, Steph, thanks very much. se tucos on STEPH. And so she's cooking up some ground beef for tacos in as day, going on about me and Epa sierar in her mind hac’ we ik ‘doubt of any kind — that you said exactly what she repeated to me ... GREG. T see. (Beat) Over the sound of hot meat she can hear me ca awynwwsy, youlte so... / You asshole «. GREG. I'm just asking! / Dont T get co ask any shit here or is it just a one-sided deal we got go STEPH. Dorit be a complete di SPH. You mean the 2, not an « Wom Sifts had vanous power but hearing wasn one of fan —~T 8 mean, of course she could heas, she wasnit deaf, but not in any spe- ial way: The Bionic Woman had the super heating ... smart guy GREG. Whatever! You know what I mean .. STEPH. I do, yeah, thar’ why I just corrected you on it. / Bionic Woman. Lindsay Wagner. GREG. Great. / Thanks. STEPH. Doesn't matcer, you're just deflecting it again ... yes, she heard you guys, clear as day. / Or a bell, or whatever GREG. Fine. / OK, and? And? STEPH. What? GREG. -Whard she say? I mean, that I said? STEPH. Ob, so now you want me to say i .. GREG. If you need to so bad STEPH. 1 thought you didn't want me to, thought you said it was stupid. GREG. That was before ... STEPH. Fuck you, asswipe! AHHHHHHHH! GREG. Can we not make the entre building aware of your pay- chotic break with reality? STEPH. Fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! GREG. OK, you know what, I dont nced to stand here and take this ... I don't. Throw the fish in the toilet again, it's not like Pm gonna be surprised — I'm not about to hang out here and get abused like this. / Tm not. (Beat) You've gota real issue with your temper there, tcp] STEPH. No, dont you ... / Don't you even .. 'm sorry but its true — you're acting a litde like one of those chicks from the seventies who starting take shots at President Ford or somebody ... 2 fucking nutcase! STEPH. Shut up, fuckhead. / You fucker ... GREG. I mean STEPH. Tell what is up with youtt happen, why are 1 serious personality glitch you've got there .. STEPH SAY IT-TO ME, SAY going to Then-do-it. ! Then stop. OK? Just stop. (Beat,) work, some younger gal w! ed notin our division bur ovr in the shipping office, works sving — hhe thought she was hor. Said she was pretty and I agreed anc Yeah, now why she’s gotta be saying something I meat ck, Ewan the guy talk Nope. REG. ... no. No, not in comparison ot... Nope. STEP ‘Or anything like thae? Atall? / You got this far, don't fuck. got a face like th: bur I wouldn't trade her fe 10 1 You know ... / 1 was just STEPH. Oh, / Ahhh. / “Regula.” GREG. Yeah. That was all... Pm... STEPH. OK. EG. never said “ugly.” / 1 just .. STEPH. Uh-huh, / Yep. That's what Carly said to me you said. Those exact words. Which was not meant as any sort of com- alll Te was more of like, a point of contrast — with jow good thing. . Huh. (Beat,) Even though shet beaut histor” Yeah Steph, iewas meaneas compliment Ie was, c... | Well, guess what? (Steph gazhers herself and heads Picks up an ashiray and fires it across the room at Greg, Just sand smashes against the. wall) Tes fucking not! (Steph s leaving Greg alone in she room, He sits down on an ottoman sand runs his hands shrough his hai. A slow shake of his head.) se ob, boy. Scene Two As work, Greg and Kent sitting around the break room of sheir work place, In jumpsuits, Just finishing up their lunch — ith after midnight and thejre both tired. Third-shifiers KENT. ... and then what? GREG. She left. Drove off. /"Took my car... KENT. Wow. / Bitch. GREG. Yeah. To her parent’s house or some crap like that, you know? KENT. Right. GREG. KENT. GREG. Threw a chair at me, actually, and one of those pots, you n know, with the handle on it KENT. No, wha? GREG. You know, where you make, like, pancakes and shit ... ou know KENT. Thats pan. Frying pan, / Or skill, ifyou wanna gee fancy. GREG. Oh. / Yeah, well, one of those... KENT. Whoa. (Beat) I thought you said a “pot.” GREG. Whatever. Ie went whizzing by my head —I didnt exacdly take stock, I ducked. Stuck my head in the kitchen ql KENT. Fuck. (Beat) Just so you know, though... r GREG. Fine! God KENT. Dude, I used to work over at Denny's so ... [should know. esa “pan.” GREG. OK, well thats what she threw . thing, Haven't heard a word since. Tivo days. rang up their place but I'm only getting the answering machine. (Beat.) Her moms eating this up, fm sure. She hates me .. KENT. Figures. GREG. Yeah. Left a message, anyway. (Beat,) Pm jus, like, totaly baffled by this ... (Kent nods and yawns — checks bis watch. He slaps Greg on the back. Greg flinches as he opens up an energy bar.) KENT. What’ that? GREG. Power bar. KENT. Why’ you having that? Fd do you mean? —now you're having one of those, too? GREG. They’ good, though. Supposed to give yaa litde jolt of KENT: Yeah, but chey'e for you know, like a a supplement. IF you dorit have a meal or instead of — not after you already ate GREG. Oh. . KENT. They're not desert. Even with all the chocolate on it ... GREG. Huh. (Beat,) It carob. KENT. Whatever! Thar: GREG. So? That's OK ... KENT. I guess. If you wanna get fat is... GREG. I'm not gonna get fat because I had one of these ict all nacural stuff in it. Nuts and ... KENT. Yould be suprised "REG. Yeah, but... 'mean, athletes eat‘em i GREG. Yeah bur... Taean athlete ca‘em all the time. Olympians KENT. Are you out running? Or swimming? Hmm? I don E « swimming? Hmm? I dont see you doing cardio work of like, lifting. Nothing. Azblees get away with that shit because theyre always active, chipping away at their bodies Not you. (Beat) Shov find on the cou © N Showing snpcing yo find on the counter over GREG. Kent, its a fucking snack! Take it easy, KENT. Just pointing ic ut — gor a group of guys cou Dan pointing g0t a group of guys counting on ya KENT. And getting all chubby is noe the way to win her Or your face breking out, AY (0 Wit her back, / oes en Thank you. (Beat.) Shit ... Well... need you strong and fast for the team, man, Canit have any dead weight. “8 For the sean ma, Can ae ‘That's really sensitive, thanks. E. Dude, its for you — Tm throwing a lide love your w don't be a hater. ” eaten a a GREG. Just shut up, OK? (Beat.) You got me out in right fel How ged dol gure be ge 1 out ight field. INT. Good enough to get us that motherfucking trophy! Huh? 1 (Puanps iss) Oh yeah (Rent stands, poins to. dy Def abane she cabinets where several other trophies stand. Nothing very neu.) ++ Yep. (Mack yell) Woooaa! KENT. Dude, come of Becaouc noe 13 Hal / You never change ... / Go for it. g for Carly — she's our on “rounds.” 3... very. (Beat) She pisses me off dont blame her for this. se you'e the one who Beat.) ‘Course, she KENT. Fuck, dude, she’s a came outta your mouth. the screwed me over but good. Steph is acting like ... Crazy Horse «. KENT. Exactly. Taking scalps .. GREG. Yep. Noble savages my ass, ight? (Beat,) They took people's KENT. Right. (Bear,) Fuck it, P'm gonna go. GREG. P'll wait for ya. probably flower it up a bie, but OK. Fine. (Kent nods and gashers up his trash, heading for the door. He dumps it — half goes ‘onto the floor. He doesnt stop. Greg watches and shakes his head. Walks ‘over with his own and tose it; reaches down and collecs the lat of his buddy’ mess, chrows it out, Carl enters with her lunch bus stops short when she sees Greg. Shes wearing a ful security uniform — the works.) 1». Kent’ using the rest room, I mean, in case you're wondering, Sits down at a table and begins to nibble on a packaged item. Greg keeps his distance — circles around toward a window to.bave a look out. Reaches into his pocket for a book — Carly is watching him so Greg holds it up for her.) GREG. Irs Poe. / (Nods,)‘S pretty datk .. 4 CARLY. Oh. I dunno who that is. / Yeah, Well, it’s GREG. Right Smiles).No, 1 meane that my... what he wetes CARLY. So it’s gonna be ... you know. Dark. GREG. ... yep. (Decides to let it go,)'S true. CARLY. That's why chy cal i chat. GREG. Whar? Call whac th 1 Cause it gets dark at night, so. is that why? Or “raspberry” or whatever, Night doesn't have all th CARLY. Fine. / I was officer... (They wait silently for a moment. ‘his book, then over at the door — Carly grows more anxious.) CARLY. Where is he? GREG. I dunno, (Moves toward ber) Look, Carly, why'd you have to do that? Call Steph and make some Pe whydyou hs idn’t do anything .. .- yeah, ub-bub, she all .. ‘even get her to take my ... +++ she called me, so you're the one with a CARLY. She did. On her way to work. GREG, She called you? CARLY. Yes. Tivice. | The second time right t from the parking lor cof Sapereans the parking 21 Why? I mean... tiends, Greg, Because she needed someone GREG. Oh, (Beat,) I actually meant the first — CARLY. So, yeah, she cang me up and we chatted, like friends do. We talked. (Beat,) About you, mostly. GREG. And—T mean, then, whard she say? To me xy anything to you — it was to me, remem- ind cried a lice .. (Beat.) Said she even put in her notice, who. Ie doesnt — she's not mad because her best the ... gusto tell her the truch; she is upset because of gs you've said about he Thing! One hing Godammi, whyd you tell her . CARLY. Whyd you say ack at you, OK? Why would 708 coer saya thing like that abou someone and parialatly & Jerson you supposedly love. (Beat,) I'm sorry but nobody, o-body, yen the more eles of guy, gonna make that kind of mistake, You were being honest. : GREG. No, itwasrt meant vo bea — I was saying a loving thin! (Looks at Carls) CARLY. Ob, realy send flowers next time instead, maybe ... suck. IThe message was lost wasnt a, like, some big when we do crap like this . crap is that? Hmm? GREG. She screamed and was sweating and ic got a litdle know how she gets, We said stuff. Buc I think that I, yeah, Idid, Said “forgive me” ot somethi CARLY, Well, Flask her... Silence fora momen while Carly glances over toward the door, loking for Kent. Greg staring straight at her.) GREG, What's that mean? when she calls again I will ask if that’s what GREG. So, you mean ... what? She's not coming home now? This is ie /Is chat what you told her to do? Huh? cA : no, OK, this is bullshit here! Something’ going (To Carly) Come on, really. ! What's up? hat? GREG. I've never seen her this mad before, I mean, about any- thing ... / The fuck’s this really about? Hmm?! Tell me! CARLY. Yeah, well... / Hey, don't swear at me, OK?! GREG. No, seriously, Carly, this is, like, a bunch of shit so don't do that to me, alright? Don't get her all . CARLY. Greg, don't start GREG. Tell me what else you guys said! / Say it! [wane you co tell me! | COME ON! CARLY. No! Greg, stop it!/ Don't! / STOP! (Greg goes to grab her by the arm as she gets up but Carly works to shake hira off — she has the training, afterall — shey both freeze as Kent walks in the room.) KENT. Dude. Honey. What's up? CARLY. He was GREG. Nothing, man, I just wanted to ... KENT. Haventtyou done enough damage wich the ladies lately? Huh? GREG. Kent, I was KENT. Dont start in with my gal, alright? / Getting her all worked up ... GREG. T wasnt... / Dude, I'm . 7 GREC 7 f Fine. We need to get up there, anyway — got like, thirty pallets of cereal backed up. CARLY. Hey, baby ... (They have a shared moment — a little muzzle _for shows Greg is forced t0 wait. To watch.) KENT. See, that’s how you do it, man. Treat ‘em nice... ‘specially the ones with a badge. CARLY. Yep. GREG. Yeah, great, thanks KENT. Justa tip chere, buddy. CARLY. Bye, sweetie. KENT. See you at seven, baby. (Slaps heron the bust.) Now go keep us safe, ‘kay? (Another hiss and Carly gathers her items — wanders off cand out. Kent watches her go.) Can you imagine if, like, terrorists come in here oF ion because they needed crates of Kleenex for their master plan to take over the United States. You think Carly’s gonna be of any use in that kind a situation? She carries a set of keys and ‘Whar’ she supposed to dos smile ‘em to death? (Beat. Scill, amazing ass, you know? GREG. I dunno, man, KENT. You can say it, I dontt mind. I'm very OK with it, believe GREG. Whatever... (Beat,) And dont try and trick me, dude — you're totaly jealous of her! talking about in theory here. / Her ass rocks, (Beat.) Jesus ... dont be such a ... dick GREG. KENT. Hundred percent. (Shoves Greg) Toll. Ye all... mean ... 2 flat-out open completely with you. / GREG. I see. / Fine. OK. KENT. Co GREG. Not to be rude, but I've known you since we were fresh- men — where did you even hear of Clarence Danows KENT. Hey, you'e nor the only one who reads ... (Pulls a maga- zine out ofa pocket in his overall) Tacda\ GREG. Kent, that’s a TV Guide, k t's free, dude, in the Sunday paper — how awesome is that (Kone laughs and fies the magazine ona nearby counter) GREG. Ona scale from one to ten? (Loued buzzer sounds overhead. Kent saps Greg on she back, poins over asthe trophies and pumps his ft as be exits. To himself)... pretty fucking awesome. (Greg its ‘moment longer Head bowed. Finaly follows, Scene Three Ae the mall. Greg sitting at a table, waiting. Has a drink in Front of him. Checks bis watch. A bundle of flowers on the table. a moment, his cell phone rings. He scrambles to Tm right here, im so glad thar n the food court. You want me to use wait. ‘Bye. (Greg hangs up bis cll bile he does another quick eheck of his 19 wristwatch. Suddenly, she is there, right in front of him. Stephanie (Greg stands awkwardly, Ties ogo for a hss but ends up bumbling one con her cheek. They sit opposite each other.) Hey. | (Gives her the bou- quet,) Here ... STEPH. Hey. / (Takes it,) Thanks. GREG. Sure. Thanks for cos STEPH. ‘S OK. I was gonna be in town shopping, anyway. The mall. (Beat,) I need scissors GREG. Oh. STEPH, [also have to stop by the apartment and get a few things, too. Is that OK? GREG. ‘Course | STEPH. After this ... do you mind staying out for a while? / 1 Fine, GREG. I need to sleep at some point, but it’s aright if you have to ... yeah, / Uh-huh. STEPH. Cool. / ‘Preciate it. GREG. No prob’. (Yawns.) That’ OK... I'll just walk around for a bit. Hi the per store. (They sit quietly for a moment, staring straight ahead. He steals a glance at her, but looks away quick.) So. So, so, so. (Beat,) How'd we get to this place, huh? shit and this is what happens .. not gonna “come on” today ... today is not a “come on’ day. Nope. / Ic isnt vwhat-have-you in a couple days of me being away? Ir GREG. I know. God. STEPH. Nope. Guess again . GREG. Really fu 20 . byw STEPH. Yes. That GREG, But come on, I didn't... Stephanie, ler’s be serious here Let's. (Beat) I said one thing. Alright? A stupid little thing take a lot, pretty much, lc juse is ... (Beat,) — ly; Tm saying, even if I was not cute or close by world standards, don’t OK, because I'm not gonna be able to deal ... dont know anybody here. GREG. OK, OK... shhh... /Do you have w bes, like ©. dona the ime / Fine, She shakes her bee puting an end 9 thes par of te pens bis mouth so say something ele bus stops her watch and checks her phone. He watches hen, shakin saying nothing ) So, you wanna get a bite or something? Salad? STEPH. No thanks. / Na GREG. Come on . having a “girl thing” here because (Beat,) We can't cat lunch and kiss each other and start © phone nest wen... were done, Greg, am fin our relationship and I'm gonna need you to acknowi that before Igo .. Pointing) Flower dont ene the ne GREG. Stephanie, tis is crazy all the seuff you'e saying, because 1 realy care for you and you do, too, I know you do STEPH. No! Thats not true. Dont speak for me. (Best) You 21 Iways wanna say shit for me, vouch for me or sign shit that we ak ~ our names on and 'm not gonna have so you donit know. (Sits forward.) Listen to me , ‘cause Tm only gonna say this che one time. fou do not know a godd seed in fours you. Four years that are now gone and gone dat i makes me cry when Tee any Le ime together. A key ring of ot your name on my phone of shit Shean crying) Puck fuck, fi ae tries to scoot closer and comfort her but she pulls away like he’ holding 4 branding iron,) STOP. Wy would you...? God. Idiot. G. 1g 10 comfort you .. . great: STEPH. What? GREG. No STEPH. No, what? I left mine in my other purse. GREG. Fine, . , STEPH. OK then, Fuck. Its a ey Greg, I didnt ask for half your ind she proceeds to remove the hey from the rest of the set.) SEE Thane 1 eae under the max GREG. Cool. / Do what you gotta do. 2 STEPH. Ohhh, you'e all Mr. Casual now is that ie? GREG. Whatever. STEPH. You'e such a dick. GREG. How do you want me to a be nice here, to, is what I figured you were after — getting on my hres practically 0 make it up to you but no — you've gorta keep pushing it, push. ing me away by saying that we're done — what the hell is all that sorry” agai and have you up against me back against me and I can feel reartbeat when we get all quiet like that ... that’s what I want, Oh. /1 ike, / Yeah, STEPH. So, you wanna feel my back, be there up against me that way... GREG. ... yes. STEPH. Why, so you don' gotta look at my face? GREG. Oh, God! FUCK! / You's crazy! You really are! STEPH. Hey, you -- Wes you saying GREG. Tm make up with yor say something mice, try that! / No, you're not! too! / And flowers STEPH, Not / No, ub-uh, you're GREG. I do not get you, I really do: STEPH. That's because you don't «ry! GREG. Bullsi STEPH. BULLSHIT! (She throws the hey back at im, hitting him hard. They bounce off and scatter on the floor) GREG. Oww, damnit! (Beat)... fine, STEPH. Yeah. bhi, big fucking deal. ++. you and your, your ... stupid face. (She surns om him, «almost spitting ous the next bit as she gets to her feet) STEPH. knew it /T KNEW YOU HATED ME! You fucking asshole! (She scrambles into her purse, look- ind the room, embarrased by what’ Go. Now. tore and comes up with « piece of paper) Here. made this over it covers all your s held my tongue on .. better. (Looks around.) People! Hey you guys over 1 Fucking hell, man ... (Reaching for be 50... please... reg, and Bixten for once. | This migh: help you with your next GREG. Why? / Seriou shitand you'e sear do I begin wi your mom's soI should be kind, but ‘make me sick and I always have to 24 look up into them because we have the most unimaginative sex that @ person could ever come up with ... I think yo setiously, you should check into that because like this lle poker and you move well, you get the idea, Ic sucks.” (To him.) Greg. 2g am, Bat) Ye. (Greg ar ing ele but lf He remains seated. Sep seems satisfied and continues) . Good. (Reads) “I've never thought you had a great body, ing really 5 OK, bur the gyms ike you are super cute or something, like you have ¢ muscles and a nice stomach or whatever, you don't. You never have, so stop doing that. Its kind of pathetic; I am not the only person who thinks that ... I'm nor gonna be so crass as to say much about your dick because that would put me on your being hurtful — bue I will say this: and most me gag wl abour that — guys don't wax or anything like we do — but you should be aware of it, anyway. Its gross. Enough said. Your legs are ne, probably one of your best features ... yout fect are the worst, though. They are, Your toes are, they/re like, almost like fingers and fe Your own tocnails —I know you do, I've seen you — and ‘goes down as the most disgusting fact I know. The fact that u rip off your toe nails with your teeth ... and chen eat them, or ibble at them, anyway, after you've done it. And sometimes you smell. A litle ... You do because you chink that you don't have to work and you'll get in bed and sleep and sweat some ‘more and then use alittle deodorant and off you go, like, to work or wherever. And so you stink, kind of, but I've stopped speaking about it to you because you ‘You do not fucking lis (Seeph gathers up her — grabs the hey from the table as she gets ready to ge.) GREG. Wow. /You ... you did that to hurt me, 25 fe possible to feel that kind of, like, hacred — and still want to be with a person. that and sti love you. Ie smebody had to go and open his big fucking show's over now, go back to your chop . (Steph watches the STEPH. But itis. EG. I care about you, Stephanie. I honestly do. ? Huh? Please, just explain that one bit to ‘me and then you can go. STEPH. Because, Greg ... . GREG. (Smiles,) And | like your face, I do ... I've alway ’ gonna sound stupid now, but you know cute face. / Youre cute, Steph. You are. Thanks. . ¢. (Beat,) So why's it different? Seriously, I don't T read it out loud but its nor true. Mostly. But what you said, all 26 that you said about me — even though it's just that one thing — it is completely and for all time's sake crue. You meant it GREG. ... Stephanie ... and shat is why. (She eruomples up the bedroom TV. I bought it wich may own money and so Tim taking it. (With that she ners and exits, disappearing off down the All. Shoes clacking on the tle. Leaves the flowers. Greg looks around, then carefilly opens the paper ballon he rable. Platvens it out. Begins reading.) Scene Four As work, Carly and Kent seated at a table, eating. Carly swatches as Kent heeps checking the time. = you're not late. KENT. ‘Kay CARLY. I don't know why you have to keep looking at your watch. KENT. Because ... we've got a lot to do tonight. CARLY. Oh. ‘well do the thing right. Make fat least give it my best. You know? Listen to you ... sayin’, baby. / We don't all get to Barney Fifé our do, then somebody notices and Tim not the guy they call for the exzra shifts or the holi- day hours or that type of deal ... and you know you like the money. CARLY. Everybody likes money. KENT. Ub-uh, / That's nor true. CARLY. ‘Who? / Who that you know doesnt like some money? KENT. I'm only making a point here... CARLY. Then make KENT. I am. You like shit, clothes and stuff so you can cook and like thar, right? Oodles of items that we order with our paychecks off QVC so I don't get why yout busting my balls when I say that 7 ig to be a useful member of my team toni more work which equals money and ad purchase and wear and eat. / OK? CARLY. Fine. / God KENT. It’s dropped. (Mies a drop.) Plop! (Makes the noise again sand pokes her in the rib. She jumps up and pushes him away) CARLY. Don't! God, youre so... ten, That's what you are, like ten years old. I'm living with some dude who's 2 chil inks that because he works an extra shift he can just be a... a. infant about the test of hi KENT. ... Mommy ... gimme mill, Mommy ... (He halfrises, reaching out for her, pawing her breasts. She recoils and then moves sauvay. Angry now) KENT. I'm ... I dont have to go yet. We can sit here for a while if you like. (Grins,) You can even cuffme if you wanna ... CARLY. No, I'm tired of you now. KENT. That's nice. CARLY. Tam. damn, baby; I don't know what sort of remedy I've matters. Let's not pretend, OK, (Beat,) Sorry that I'm on whether I to our lifestyle laces me in a bie of a bind. (Beat.) Puts never pick work over you so I'm sorry th ever thought that was the case ... Im here and I'm happy co hang out your other pals from security CARLY. Yeah? / crass out — not a word to Greg) GREG. ... well K y gi GREG. Right. (awns,) Shit! KENT. | Stephis her best friend. / She’ basically holding you responsible for her closest pal moving away and all chat, so give ‘er a litde space, ari GREG. Fine. / can ... God, I was coming to get some coffee, ‘mean to create some international thing here. Sit down, GREG. Thanks, (Tikes ous a book.) Anywa KENT. She was mad at me before, so I'm sure it just carried over. 1 What're you reading? GREG. Oh, / Hawthorne, Early Allegories, KENT. Hub. (Grabs it) “The Birth Mark.” O-K Anyway ... she's lashing out for no reason — well, not “no” reason but barely ;G. Women, huh? KENT, Yep. (Hands back the book.) No shit GREG, That pretty much says i all KENT. Oh yeah. GREG. One day they're gonna save li i dictionary. Just th rican stuff: Kinda like gothic. 1e and just stick that necessary, and any roll his eyes and know what the 29 you know. Over it, Hee. (Starts to drink.) Damn (Beat,) Get your car back yer? uh. / ‘Bout, i dunno, two weeks ago 1 She bang ic up or 2 That's a typical trick, rT could absolutely see her doing that ... ater what you said. (Beat.) No offense bue she can be 2 twat sometimes, dude. Even back at scho GREG. ... Tdi T'm just saying. | After how she took it. « sure. / Right. (Rent rises, checks his watch as he does.) [. (To himself)... come on, come on. Whats up? Hub? Oh, nothing ... ing, man, don’t worry about it Just asking, Heard who we're playing — it’s that fucking bail (Beat,) Dude, you seem anxious. Sure youre OK? just yep, yeps Yep. I dunno. Waiting. I see. (Smiles.) Very exyptic, my friend, “cause you... do low what am You know what you are... No, I dont, I dont know what the hell you're talking acting all goofy since I walked in tonight. Dude, you're way too chatty at work, if you want the KENT. Don't feel like I can trust you ... (Beat.) Maybe Tin para- , but I dont think so. You're smoking, man, because ... if anybody has issues privacy it’s your wife, OK? / Let’ be honest here. KENT. Fine. / That's true ... Carly’s the worst with a secret! Bucking bigmouth GREG. And dont even get what you're going on about ... what’m | privy co about you? You have issues, chat’ what's going on here. KENT. Maybe. (Beat,) Mouth shut, GREG. Promise. KENT. Its Crystal. GREG. What is KENT. (Smiles,) The new girl, up inthe shipping depar our his phone to find a cell piceure he took.) You kno GREG. Who? / (Glences at sreen,) I cat see. KENT. Her. / Look. The chick with the face. GREG. Oh yeah, right, right —T had no idea what So what about her? Tm, you know ... (Waits) Dub ... - No. fe been seeing her. Lately. . WI + what's chat mean? You're, you are? [. No. Why would . Ahh, to sound you. I mean, you should see her in a IK” and there you go GREG. Gol / And she inows about Cary? KENT. Fuck yeah. Whole deal is square with her, why I donit on his arm.” I dunno, I'm not Nostradamus. good, thanks for clearing chat up, ‘cause I was pretty 1¢s aware and there's no me tell you. Twenty- just a fact! Amazing to the touch is all, some, you j or one of those cheeleaders, that age. Tigh. happening, but fine. wn at your end there ... I dontt need GREG. That's your stuff. I've got my own shie co deal with .. KENT. No kidding. GREG. What's that mean? KENT. Mea back axle could be all knocked ou ment and you don't even know it yet ... (Smiles.) Chicks, 32 GREG. Yeah. Pretty dama lethal. (Beat,) And so you and Carly you guys are, like ... whi KENT. Seriously! This new thing just, you ki than perfect ... (Bea eat) Tm gonna get going don'chave time to hear this now? / How I No, go ahead, I'm just — go on. Say what KENT. I'm telling you ... when you get up clos Tim saying — she's got the most awesome fearur teeth thatte ... and her lips Find myself just times, and her eyes area ol in a box of crayons — mayb. , with the sharpene inda green, but sorta blue, too. Almost hypnotic. (Smile) co me! Like a fucking hid. / That's what she does to me. GREG. ‘S great. / No, that’s KENT. It’s whatever, man, but that much. Anyway, I'l see you later. (Finger to remember GREG. KENT. + kp this shit co y for you ... zorally would, and us guys gotta stick rogether, righ Were like faking dufiles out here! (Kent slips ont « punch 19 Grogs arm as be goes off) And look what happened to them. (Greg tries 10 read but ith no wie, He ses that Kent’ lef his scoops all of it up and carries it over to the b ‘buzzer sounds. Kent returns after buzzer.) KENT. Dude. Second buzzer. What the fuck! You want to be writ- ten up? (Kent exits. Greg follows.) GREG. Terrific. Scene Five At a restaurant. Greg stands, waiting in the lobly. Checks his watch once or twice, watching the door. Afier a moment, ‘Steph walks past. They see each other and stop cold. Silence for 4 moment. GREG. Hey. STEPH. Wow. I'm ... GREG. Surprise. (Steph nods her head, unsure what to do next. Greg waits.) STEPH. Huh. So, this is ... you know. Funny: GREG. Yep. STEPH. Secing you here +. Pm working over ata salon near- $0, are you; like, in there having dinner or STEPH. Uh-huh. / Dinner. GREG. ‘Kay. STEPH. Yep. You? this, / Casual male. Attize, (Beat.) And are you ... you know? i. No. GREG. OK. Not your parents, though. I mean, that be kinda weird — not weind, but — on a, like, Wednesday night. So ... STEPH. No. GREG, Carly? STEPH. Nope, not anybody you know ... GREG. I see. Good. (Backinacks,) 1 just mean ... you know, 34 wouldn't wanna see anybody that we're both friends with. / Or ... STEPH. Uh-huh, / And you? Who're you waiting for? GREG. Just ... people. / STEPH. Oh. / Tse. Nota gitl? GREG. ... no, STEPH. Me either Grins.) mean, I'm not with gi eithex / Gc. ‘Kay. / Although thar would explain a lor STEPH. Ha-ha. (Beat) Ie’ just dinner. a great place. e lobby. don't know why we never came here as a couple. Back No, yeah, I get what you mean, I'm not sure, actualy .. liede bie out of to GREG. All kinds of spots STEPH. Mmmmm. GREG. That’... remember that crazy lide, what do they call it, fondue restaurant? With all the cheese sauces and crap like that? 1 Ob, sure. Right. GREG. Yeah, That one. / Had chat alpine looking roof on it and everybody running around in, whatevertheycallems? Lederbosen or something like that ... “The Cheddar Hur.” Welcome to the STEPH. Exactly! (Laughs) That was funny ... GREG. Yep. Good eats, though. STEPH. True. . (They stand for a moment, nodding. Unsure what ‘ele to say t0 each other. Greg checks the time.) GREG. If you need to go, you should .. STEPH. Yeah, probably. Just going to the ladies’ room, dont wanna appear like I took off or anything... GREG. No. 35 STEPH. Not a good first impression. GREG. Oh... 90, this is, like, a first date or something? STEPH. Yep. Wall, I've actually known him for a while, but — doesn’t matter. / Yes. GREG. Ise. / Thats ... huh. Hub-hub-huh. STEPH. What? GREG. Nothing. (Smiles.) Good for you. STEPH. 1'll bet GREG. No, seriously. Congrats. STEPH. You'e not ‘me “good luck,” Greg, [know you. You're ‘wishing the guy gets a bone stuck in his throat or something ... REC yeah, but | hope you havea good time. (Beat) And you can always kill his pets if you don’, STEPH. Ha! (Laughs,) Whatever GREG. Uh-huh. What-ever. STEPH. That’ ... I mean, I know we went through a bit of shit there recently, afew crappy months or whatnot, but it doesnt hurt ” what? Why do you always answer me or other peo- hing so ... God, so fucking abstruse in response to what we say to you? Why do you do t GI y what? I dontt even know a word that alone what that one means, s0 I read a lot, so STEPH. No, but Fn u y n a nice car and thinks you' of his eye — dont be surprised when he if you go for anything more t 1d Thope he isthe height of pas you only the best. I'm serious wh ie. Now can you go back in there and just let me wait for my. 36 friends? Huh? STEPH. (To herself) ... you're such a prick. GREG. ‘That's even classier when you're wearing a dress. STEPH. Fuck you. I'm trying to look pretty, aright?! Pm 1 make myself feel better because my former boyfriend — this guy that I gave a whole lot of my heart to — couldn't find me attrac- tive and now it keeps me awake at night, wondering what's wron; with me. Why I was so unappealing r ‘wearing a skirt tonight so that I feel looking at me — even now I can see you down at my legs and all tha crap ... you totally miss mi GREG. Wow... youre going for the motherlo STEPH. The fuck’s thar mean? GREG. We ito bone, males you a bone, makes you feel any myselflenowing that 've made 30 what? You never wore tha thrill me to tell you all that STEPH, It's new. And it's a GREG. Whatever! Bought for STEPH. Yes. GREG. That’ great. STEPH. T had to have something. GREG. Sure. STEPH. You'd do the same thing GREG. Yeah? Really? Look at me, you recognize anything I've got STEPH. Of course .. at bis watch again while Steph looks over ber shoulder, back into the rant.) GREG. No. Maybe Nes. T see. Is i that new gic? nee. re never even 4 her before. STEPH. Bur its a date, Q weting. Some friends are just, you know ... intro- EG. It’s more of a gathering, really. That’ all. At the bar ... STEPH. Oh. / Here? GREG. Not my idea. 1d so what does that make you? (Without thinking Steph reaches over and slaps Greg across the face. He doesn't react. She lances around, feeling a bit ashamed.) STEPH. Fuck’... ight. T'm sure they can wire it hue and T can still ; are you OK? (Tries to look.) Flere ... and on, alright, however (Reaches ous.) Please. ‘can walk out on me for cheek right now or call me wre out with tonight hurts when this miserable zoe ou wih ong rs you, because he is gonna, he w 38 I find a way to damage you and that's a fact. But you know not be there for you. Lwont be. (Beat.) You will be on Twasntt so bad .. . I'm going back to dinner now. GREG. You do that. STEPH. ‘We're almost done, 50 I GREG. No, don't worry abour STEPH. I'm not staying, GREG. Please don’ make a scene, OK? Just bea litle macure here sx if that's not to0 ... STEPH. Yeah, so what do you suggest, chen, huh? GREG. Simple. I'm gonna waic here — hopefully a doctor will come along and be able to seset my jaw — chen I'm gonna nab my fiends as they arrive and well go to some other place, STEPH. Oh. GREG. So... STEPH. Youd do that? GREG. OF course. ‘ over town, so ... STEPH. Yeah, but... / 7 GREG. T don’ wanna run the risk of you hitting my date or any- thing. / Dontt even know her name yet STEPH. Right. / (Smiles.) Thanks .. GREG. No prob’ STEPH. OK, so ... then ... (Thinking.) Wow, that’ really kind of unexpected from you, so thank you. I'm surprised, I guess. Yeah. 1 think that’s really nice, so... some time ... ob, and remind the new to his spced dial. Might save his life. right? / They got Budweiser all GREG. Have fun. STEPH. Sure. IG. No, honestly. Do. (Beat.) Bet he drives a... convertible, / Hmmm? STEPH. You suck. / Yes. GREG. Ie’ a gift. STEPH. 4 - GREG. Hal So long, STEPH. You, too. Enjoy yourself, I guess... GREG. I don't know how anything can surpass the fun I've 39 ss Smile.) Bye. (Stephanie starts of Greg calls out t0 her.) whatever the hel “asymmetrical.” /‘The way it's cut like that, [ mean. So GREG. Cool ... / Hub. Thats ... yeah. (She smiles at him and dis- appears. Greg watches her go.) Scene Six i lunch. Looking up ‘At work, Carly sisting at a table, eating her lunch. Loo at the clock, After a minute, Greg wanders in with his bunch ‘and a book in one hand — he wears a pair of gogzles up on ‘is head tonight. He stops cold, looking at Cary. After a beat be turns arosind to leave; she tops him by calling ous his name. CARLY. ... Greg. GREG. Oh. (Spins around.) Hey. , CARLY. Hi. (Beet) Whar cha reading tonight? GREG. Just some ... ; ing CARLY. “Huh, / You know ... tired, but that’s fine. know how you've done it for so many years .. keep chugging or whatever. yourself no ot CARLY. Right! : GREG. So, where's Kent? 40 GREG. What? CARLY. ‘Since Thursday. / Yep. GREG. Really? / He didnt tell me . CARLY. No? Thought you guys were best buds ... GREG. Me, too. Oh, well ... CARLY. They had an opening up on the board, GREG. Right, yeah, I saw that. (Beat,) Thought about it myself bus, you know ... CARLY, Mmm-hmm, and he applied and got i ‘money, what with the evening differential and all tha, but he figures You get more overtime thac way, being at a cheaper race or whatnot, GREG. Huh. CARLY. Yep. GREG. OK, cool. (Yawns.) Well, 'm gonna head back down there, probably. See ya. CARLY. You can sit if you want to ... GREG. Nah, chat’ alight. We'e busy and I'm really just on a ... frozen foods wait for no man, so ... (Pulls on goggles.) See ya. CARLY. to tak to you ifthats OK GREG. Ummm, sure. (Point,) Officially or ... are there paper towels missing? CARLY. No ... (Smilés,) You can eat, oo, if you wanna. I don ‘Want you just staring at me, gonna make me all self-conscious, GREG. Sorry. (Lifs up goggles.) Here. CARLY. No, its fine, Im just — I know what it's like, being on lunch, / Time’ precious GREG. True. / (Opens his bug) Tve been buying my food lately, which s Eleven. Tiguitas only get you so far in life 'm terrible about making it myself, so its bercer than nothing, I suppose . CARLY. Steph used to do GREG. Always did, CARLY. You see her or anything? 4 GREG. Once or ewiee. CARLY. Nice. Beat.) Howd that go? time she stood up in public and told me how hideous I was — asa physical specimen, I mean — but the next jon is nothing compared rings you .. up! (Smile) You're funny .. 1 Hub, fanny. / You are ... 1y does this feel (Carly waits for a moment, studying him. Greg struggles to make eye contact and just manages it.) need to ask you something. CARLY. No big deal GREG. Those are sorta famous last words ... you know? Followed a2 ys bust my chops about security! Ies im ying to talk to you here ... please? GREG. OK, OK, sorry. Go for ic. CARL G. = CARLY. Ase! / (Slaps him, laughing.) Come on. GREG. Sorry. | Really? almost thiee months in and we're, you know, and all thar. / We are. ce, so many dif- in a twenty-four-hour period every day. to get to... is some place that makes me feel, you know, OK. Safe. GREG. And whys thar? CARLY. Urmmmm ... why do you think? GREG. I'm guessing Kent... but only because of the way you're saying that to me. That’ all. why? | What's bothering you? cle things. A change y schedule, and how he's en I call him — he says he's sleeping bur I've asked the neighbors and they say that his carl be gone sometimes — just stuff B far from being my fiend t here on Earth co be a, you know, put good money on it GREG. 10 don't believe you for a second. 43 im no Drew Carey of whatever his name's . © not. Which is pretty good re much more attractive — and gi probably hate my face, how you a guy who's tired of fucking en.” [es AAR Tet fae ing, right? / Greg? (He elbous her good-nataredly. Carly pushes him back Phe sete down afer anotber shove or rue. Tacs pars) stupid and all chat the eye and lie then 10 gets to now, but you've known him for like ... suy, but that doesn't mean 44 craving these days? CARLY. Candy mostly. Sweets ‘what he is supposed to be joughts about his hundred and ten percent sure that’s the story ... but 1am not his priest, I don't see into the deart of Kent like an old-time prop 'm just saying. You cant ask me that ... and not because iything, because I... Tm ignorant here. Really. (Smiling ) J Noute talking to the wrong guy ... CARLY. Isee. / (Beat,) And if find something out... I mean, if Twas to find a, you kno of hair on his headrest fre pregnant — just go with me here — imagine it and think i through with me what be your course of action in a moment such as th GREG. If that were to happen ..ifyou had come upon something ither by you looking for itor by accident, Td ask me out. truth and I expect to chen hear it. rere to really, you know, decide to make this the most

    You might also like