Make Me Care II: How to Describe

Dont tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass -Anton Checkov

Below are four steps towards making sure that your descriptions are successful. After each set
of suggestions, underline/highlight the best examples in the passage that follows. You will then
be given time to add these to your writing.

1. While adjectives and adverbs are known as describing words, the true key to good
description are verbs and nouns. When using verbs or nouns, the general rule is to use
specific nouns/verbs instead of vague nouns/verbs cloaked in adjectives/adverbs.

Ex: I walked quickly over to the really good restaurant

I hustled down to my go-to restaurant.

2. Most of the time you want to trend towards specific over vague description.

Ex: The pitcher of lemonade

The crystal pitcher of lemonade sweated in the lazy Sunday mid-morning sun

That first day, Cora acquainted herself with the life of the park...Neat brick walkways
crisscrossed the grass, snaking in and out of the shadows of tall trees and their luxurious
branches. A fountain warbled near the main entrance, surrounded by low stone benches that
were occupied soon after sunup and remained popular well into the night...A brown mutt owned
the place, known to all, yipping and scampering. Across the afternoon, children chased it
through the grass and onto the sturdy white bandstand at the edge of the park. The mutt dozed
in the shade of the benches and the gigantic oak the dominated the green with majestic ease.
3. When you do use adverbs, use interesting, compelling adjectives and adverbs.

Ex: The wrinkled old woman Her eroded fingers

held her gray head propped up
in her tired hands the slowly sinking cradle of her life

4. Use literary devices to bring the reader into the moment. Some of the best are
metaphors, similes, personification, and alliteration.

Ex: It was windy.

The wind clawed at the window pane with frantic bursts all night.

Chicago. August. A brilliant day, hot, with a brutal staring sun pouring down rays that were like
molten rain. A day on which the very outlines of the buildings shuttered as if in protest at the
heat. Quivering lines sprang up from the baked pavements and wriggled along the shining
car-tracks. The automobiles parked at the curbs were a dancing blaze, and the glass of the
shop-windows threw out a blinding radiance. Sharp particles of dust rose from burning
sidewalks, stinging the seared or dripping skins of wilting pedestrians. What small breeze there
was seemed like the breath of flame fanned by slow bellows. -Nella Larsen in Passing