Oliver

OLIVER: (whistling, humming or singing to himself)

Food, glorious food! Hot sausage andmustard!

While were in the mood Coldjelly and custard!

DODGER: What yer starin at? Aint yer neverseen a gent?

OLIVER: No I havent.

DODGER: Tired?

OLIVER: Ive been running hard.

DODGER: Oh I seeYou must be runnin away fromthe Beak.

OLIVER: The what?

DODGER: Now dont tell me yer dont know whata beak is, me flash mate?

OLIVER: Isnt a beak what a birds got?

DODGER: My eyes how green! A beak is a madgstrate, for your information. Are
you accommodated?

OLIVER: No I dont think so

DODGER: Then accommodated you shall be, me oldmate! Theres a certain house and
we know a respectable old gentleman lives there,wotll give you lodgins for nothink,
and never ask for the change this is andthat is, if any other gentleman wot he
knows interduces yer. And does he know me? I should say he does!

OLIVER: Who is the respectable old gentleman,then? Is he a charity gentleman?

DODGER: Well, I wouldt eggzackly say that not eggzackly. But if we interduces
someone its alright, on account of we happen ter bepertickler favourites of Mister
Faginthats his name Mister Fagin. By the wayif were interducing you to Fagin, we
better know who you are me old china plate.

OLIVER: My names Oliver OliverTwist.

DODGER: And my names Jack Dawkins better known among me more hintemate
friends as the Artful Dodger.

OLIVER: Pleased to meet you, Mister Dawkins.

Artful Dodger
OLIVER: (whistling, humming or singing to
himself)

Food, glorious food! Hot sausage andmustard!

While were in the mood Coldjelly and custard!

DODGER: What yer starin at? Aint yer neverseen a gent?

OLIVER: No I havent.

DODGER: Tired?

OLIVER: Ive been running hard.

DODGER: Oh I seeYou must be runnin away fromthe Beak.

OLIVER: The what?

DODGER: Now dont tell me yer dont know whata beak is, me flash mate?

OLIVER: Isnt a beak what a birds got?

DODGER: My eyes how green! A beak is a madgstrate, for your information. Are
you accommodated?

OLIVER: No I dont think so

DODGER: Then accommodated you shall be, me oldmate! Theres a certain house and
we know a respectable old gentleman lives there,wotll give you lodgins for nothink,
and never ask for the change this is andthat is, if any other gentleman wot he
knows interduces yer. And does he know me? I should say he does!

OLIVER: Who is the respectable old gentleman,then? Is he a charity gentleman?

DODGER: Well, I wouldt eggzackly say that not eggzackly. But if we interduces
someone its alright, on account of we happen ter be pertickler favourites of Mister
Faginthats his name Mister Fagin. By the way if were interducing you to Fagin, we
better know who you are me old china plate.

OLIVER: My names Oliver OliverTwist.

DODGER: And my names Jack Dawkins better known among me more hintemate
friends as the Artful Dodger.

OLIVER: Pleased to meet you, Mister Dawkins.

Fagin
FAGIN: I hope youve all been hard at worktoday, my dears.

DODGER: Hard?

BOB: As rocks!

FAGIN: Good boys Good boys! What have yougot Dodger?

DODGER: A couple of wallets.

FAGIN: (Weighing the wallets) Not as heavy as they might be. Butvery nicely made!
Ingenious workman, aint he, Oliver?

OLIVER: (Examining the wallets) Very ingenious, sir.

(BOB roars with laughter)

FAGIN: (To BOB) And what have you got, my dear?

CHARLEY: Nose-rags.

(HE produces two large silk handkerchiefs one red, one purple.)

FAGIN: Well, theyre very good ones, very! yellow and green! You havent
embroidered em too well tho Charley so wellhave to pick the initials out with a
needle. Youll need to learn how to do this too, Oliver mydear. Wont he boys?

(boys shriek with laughter)

BOYS: Yeah, but not alf.

FAGIN: But in the meantime, youll have tolearn how to make (meaning steal) wallets
like Dodger and Charley here. Youd likethat, wouldnt you, my dear?

OLIVER: Ohh yes, Mister Fagin, if youllteach me.

FAGIN: Certainly my boy, no fee! Just doe verything you see Dodger and Charley do.
Make em your models, my dear especiallyDodger Hes going to be right little
Bill Sikes!

Now then, is my handkerchief protrudingfrom my pocket?

Nancy 1
NANCY: Plummy and slam!
(All the CHILDREN wake up. NANCY enters with BET)

FAGIN:
(with lightning speed, FAGIN returns the box to its hiding place)

Its Nancy! Wake up boys! The ladies is ere.

NANCY: Well have less of that if you dontmind! Wheres the gin?

FAGIN: all in moderation my dear too much gin can be a dangerous thing
for a pure young girl

NANCY: Whats wrong with a drop of danger then Mr Fagin? After all thats the onlybit
of excitement we have around here and who would deny us that
smallpleasure would you?. { She sings small pleasures} after song

NANCY: whos he Fagin?

FAGIN: Oh ladies I forgot to introduce you to our newlodger Mister Oliver Twist
Esquire

Nancy and Bet (they curtsy Oliver bows solemnly the boys cat call}

NANCY: Charmed to meet you

FAGIN: Oh yes, were all ladies and gentlemenere. Were all quality

NANCY: You wouldnt know quality if you sawit none of yer! cept Dodge. Have you
seen the way them qualitygentlemen treats their ladies?

DODGER: Of course I have!

NANCY: Shall we show them how its done?

DODGER: Righty-ho.
Nancy 2
NANCY: (NANCY bursts in) I cant stay out there any longer. If Id gone away as many
would have done you might have been sorry, and not without reason neither.

MR. BROWNLOW: Im sorry if anyone has been rude to you. Can I help you in any
way?

NANCY: I am the girl that took little Oliverback to old Fagins on the morning he left
this house.

MR. BROWNLOW: You?

NANCY: Me, sire. And I wish now that Idnever been part of it. The boy mentioned you
specially and I thought if I came to you

MR. BROWNLOW: Where is this place you speak of Fagins? And where is Oliver?

NANCY: I cant tell you where he is but Ill bring him to you. Not here, thats too
dangerous will you promise that I wont be watched or followed?

MR. BROWNLOW: I promise you solemnly.

NANCY: Then tonight, between eleven and thetime the clock strikes twelve, I will walk
on Crompton Street and I will bringOliver! (SHE exits)
Sykes
SYKES: (walking in with OLIVER) Twist! Ill give him Twist!

NANCY: All right Bill, leave him now- Were here

FAGIN: Look boys, Olivers back!

DODGER: Hes got books Fagin (laughing) Look at his togs, Fagin! Superfine clothand
the heavy swell cut! Nothing but a gentleman Fagin!

FAGIN: Delighted to see you looking so well,my dear. The Artful Dodger shall give you
another suit, my dear, for fear youshould spoil that Sunday one. Why didnt you write,
my dear, and say you were coming? Wed have got something warm for supper.

(DODGER draws forth the five-pound note from one of OLIVERs pockets, BILL SYKES
steps forward but before HE can get there, FAGIN grabs the note)

SYKES: Hullo, whats that? Thats mine,Fagin.

FAGIN: No, no, my dear. Mine, Bill, mine.You can have the books.

SYKES: If that aint mine mine and Nancys, that is, Ill take the boy back again!
(FAGIN stops in his tracks) Come on, and it over.

FAGIN: This is hardly fair, Bill -

SYKES: Fair or not fair, hand over I tellyou! Do you think Nancy and me got nothing
better to do with our time but tospend it chasing after young kids? Give it to me you
avaricious old skeleton, give it here! (HE plucks the note from between FAGINs finger
and thumb and, looking FAGIN coolly in the face, folds it up small and ties it in HIS
handkerchief)
Thats for our share of the trouble andnot half enough neither. Here Start a library.

OLIVER: (defiantly) You cant keep the books. They belongto Mr. Brownlow and if he
finds out youve got them, hell be out here afteryou.

SYKES: So ell be out here, will e? Whatdid you tell him about us?

OLIVER: Nothing.

SYKES: That remains to be seen butif we found out you said anything anything out
of place
Fagin, Ill wager that youngscoundrels told him everything.

OLIVER: (trying to escape) Help! Help!

(Nancy throws herself at Bill to keephim from following Oliver)

SYKES: Standoff o me or Ill split your head against the wall

NANCY: I dont care for that , Bill. The childshant be harmed unless you kill me first

SYKES: Shant he? Ill soon do that if you dont keepoff ( he flings the girl across
theroom)

FAGIN: all right all right weve got him, whats the matter?

SYKES: The girls gone mad I think!

NANCY: No she hasnt Fagin, dont think it!

FAGIN: Then keep quiet will yer!

NANCY: No. I wont keep quiet

FAGIN: all this violence.

SYKES: Try and run away, would you? (takes off a belt to beat Oliver)

NANCY: I wont stand by and see it done Bill.Youve got him here, what more would
you have ?Let him be or I shall put mymark on someone, and not care for the
consequence.

FAGIN: Why Nancy, youre wonderful today. Such talent. What an actress

NANCY: Am I? Take care I dont overdueit Cause Im warning you Ill putmy finger on
some of you and I dont care if I hang with you!

SYKES: You? Do you know who you are? And whatyou are?

NANCY: (hysterically) Ah yes, I know all about it. Who I amand what I am!

SYKES: Well then keep quiet or Ill quiet youfor a good long time to come. Youre a
nice un, coming all this humane andgenteel rubbish. A pretty subject for the child, as
you call him, to make a friendof.

Nancy: Lord help me, I am, and I wish Id ofbeen struck dead in the street before I lent
a hand in bringing him here. Aftertoday, hes a their, a liar, and all thats bad from this
day forth. Isnt thate nough for yer, without beating him to death!
Mr Brownlow
NANCY: (NANCY bursts in) I cant stay out there any longer. If Id gone away as many
would have done you might have been sorry, and not without reason neither.

MR. BROWNLOW: Im sorry if anyone has been rude to you. Can I help you in any
way?

NANCY: I am the girl that took little Oliverback to old Fagins on the morning he left
this house.

MR. BROWNLOW: You?

NANCY: Me, sire. And I wish now that Idnever been part of it. The boy mentioned you
specially and I thought if I came to you

MR. BROWNLOW: Where is this place you speak of Fagins? And where is Oliver?

NANCY: I cant tell you where he is but Illbring him to you. Not here, thats too
dangerous will you promise that I wont be watched or followed?

MR. BROWNLOW: I promise you solemnly.

NANCY: Then tonight, between eleven and thetime the clock strikes twelve, I will walk
on Crompton Street and I will bringOliver! (SHE exits)
Mr. Bumble
MR BUMBLE: Yes you are quite right Mrs Corney . We must get rid of this canker in
our midst. That boy was born to be hung, Mrs Corney. Ive never been so shocked in
all my days!

WIDOW CORNEY: Hush,Mr Bumble, you must have had quite a turn.Sit down and have
a nice cup of tea.

MR BUMBLE: Its nice to be appreciated, Mrs Corney, these here paupers in this here
parish dont appreciate me. Anti-parochial they are, maam, anti parochial. We have
given away a matter of twenty loaves and a cheese and a half this very blessed
afternoon; and still, them paupers is not contented!

WIDOW CORNEY: Of course theyre not When would they be? Sweet Mr Bumble?

MR BUMBLE: very sweet indeed, maam ( he spreads napkin across lap and sips tea}

WIDOW CORNEY: You little tinker you!

MR BUMBLE: You have a cat Maam?, I see. And kittens too I declare!

WIDOW CORNEY: Im so fond of them you cant imagine, Mr Bumble and theyre fond
of their home too

MR BUMBLE: Mrs Corney Maam I must say. That any cat or kitten that could live
with you maam and not be fond of its homemust be an idiot, maam and dont
deserve to live in it

WIDOW CORNEY: Oh, Mr Bumble!

MR BUMBLE: Its no use disguising facts maam. An idiot! I would drown my myself
with pleasure!

WIDOW CORNEY: Then youre a cruel mana very hardhearted man and all.

MR BUMBLE Hard hearted? Mrs Corney? Hard? Hard Hearted, Maam? Are you hard
hearted Mrs Corney?

WIDOW CORNEY: Dear Me! What a very curious question coming from a single man.
What can you want to now for? (he sips tea, wipes his lips and kisses her) Mr
Bumble I shall scream!! ( enjoying herself )
Widow Corney
MR BUMBLE: Yes you are quite right Mrs Corney . We must get rid of this canker in
our midst. That boy was born to be hung, Mrs Corney. Ive never been so shocked in
all my days!

WIDOW CORNEY: Hush, Mr Bumble, you must have had quite a turn. Sit down and
have a nice cup of tea.

MR BUMBLE: Its nice to be appreciated, Mrs Corney, these here paupers in this here
parish dont appreciate me. Anti-parochial they are, maam, anti parochial. We have
given away a matter of twenty loaves and a cheese and a half this very blessed
afternoon; and still, them paupers is not contented!

WIDOW CORNEY: Of course theyre not When would they be? Sweet Mr Bumble?

MR BUMBLE: very sweet indeed, maam ( he spreads napkin across lap and sips tea}

WIDOW CORNEY: You little tinker you!

MR BUMBLE: You have a cat Maam?, I see. And kittens too I declare!

WIDOW CORNEY: Im so fond of them you cant imagine, Mr Bumble and theyre fond
of their home too

MR BUMBLE: Mrs Corney Maam I must say. That any cat or kitten that could live
with you maam and not be fond of its homemust be an idiot, maam and dont
deserve to live in it

WIDOW CORNEY: Oh, Mr Bumble!

MR BUMBLE: Its no use disguising facts maam. An idiot! I would drown my myself
with pleasure!

WIDOW CORNEY: Then youre a cruel mana very hardhearted man and all.

MR BUMBLE Hard hearted? Mrs Corney? Hard? Hard Hearted, Maam? Are you hard
hearted Mrs Corney?

WIDOW CORNEY: Dear Me! What a very curious question coming from a single man.
What can you want to now for? (he sips tea, wipes his lips and kisses her) Mr
Bumble I shall scream!! ( enjoying herself )
Mr Sowerberry
MR SOWERBERRY: Will you have the goodness to come here a moment, my dear?

MRS SOWERBERRY: What do you want? Well! What is it?

MR SOWERBERRY: My Dear I have told Mr Bumble that we may consider taking in this
young boy to help in the shop.

MRS SOWERBERRY: Dear me hes very small.

MR SOWERBERRY: Yes he is very small but hell grow

MRS SOWERBERRY: (examines him) Ah, I dare say he will, onour vittles and our drink.
Theyre a waste of time, these workhouse boys- they always cost more to keep than
what theyre worth. Still, you men always think you know best. Whatre you going to do
with him?

MR SOWERBERRY: Theres an expression of melancholy on his face, my dear, which

is very interesting. He could make a delightful coffin-follower.

MRS SOWERBERRY: A what?

MR SOWERBERRY: I dont mean a regular coffin-follower to follow the grown-ups, but

only for the childrens practice. It would be very nice to have a follower in proportion,
my sweet. A superb effect- the more I think about it!

MRS SOWERBERRY: For oncejust for once you might have a decent idea. Very well
then, boy whats your name?

NOAH: Im Mis-ter No-ah Clay-pole-and youre- under- me! So open up the blind, you
young Scallywag (Noah kicks Oliver)

CHARLOTTE: Hello. Noah, I saved a nice little bit of bacon for you from masters
breakfast. Oliver! Shut the door! And take them bits and your tea and go over there
and eat em. And make haste, cos theyll want you to mind the shop. Do you hear?

NOAH: Do you hear, Workhouse?

CHARLOTTE: Lor Noah! What a tease you are! Let the boy alone.

NOAH: Let him alone? Im giving the boy a change, you silly thing! Everyone lets him
alone. His father left him alone-his mother left him alone- they all left him alone except
dear old, kind old Noah! Eh Charlotte? He,he,he!

CHARLOTTE: Ha,ha,ha! You are a one!

NOAH: Work House! Hows yer mother? What did she die of? Shortness of Breath?
You know Workhouse, it cant be helped now, and of course it couldnt be helped then,
and Im very sorry for it, and all that but you must know Workhouse, your mother was
a regular, right down bad, un!
Mrs Sowerberry
MR SOWERBERRY: Will you have the goodness to come here a moment,my dear?

MRS SOWERBERRY: What do you want? Well! What is it?

MR SOWERBERRY: My Dear I have told Mr Bumble that we may consider taking in this
young boy to help in the shop.

MRS SOWERBERRY: Dear me hes very small.

MR SOWERBERRY: Yes he is very small but hell grow

MRS SOWERBERRY: (examines him) Ah, I dare say he will, onour vittles and our drink.
Theyre a waste of time, these workhouse boys- they always cost more to keep than
what theyre worth. Still, you men always think you know best. Whatre you going to do
with him?

MR SOWERBERRY: Theres an expression of melancholy on his face, my dear, which

is very interesting. He could make a delightful coffin-follower.

MRS SOWERBERRY: A what?

MR SOWERBERRY: I dont mean a regular coffin-follower to follow the grown-ups, but

only for the childrens practice. It would be very nice to have a follower in proportion,
my sweet. A superb effect- the more I think about it!

MRS SOWERBERRY: For oncejust for once you might have a decent idea. Very well
then, boy whats your name?

NOAH: Im Mis-ter No-ah Clay-pole-and youre- under- me! So open up the blind, you
young Scallywag (Noah kicks Oliver)

CHARLOTTE: Hello. Noah, I saved a nice little bit of bacon for you from masters
breakfast. Oliver! Shut the door! And take them bits and your tea and go over there
and eat em. And make haste, cos theyll want you to mind the shop. Do you hear?

NOAH: Do you hear, Workhouse?

CHARLOTTE: Lor Noah! What a tease you are! Let the boy alone.

NOAH: Let him alone? Im giving the boy a change, you silly thing! Everyone lets him
alone. His father left him alone-his mother left him alone- they all left him alone except
dear old, kind old Noah! Eh Charlotte? He,he,he!

CHARLOTTE: Ha,ha,ha! You are a one!

NOAH: Work House! Hows yer mother? What did she die of? Shortness of Breath?
You know Workhouse, it cant be helped now, and of course it couldnt be helped then,
and Im very sorry for it, and all that but you must know Workhouse, your mother was
a regular, right down bad, un!
Charlotte
MR SOWERBERRY: Will you have the goodness to come here a moment,my dear?

MRS SOWERBERRY: What do you want? Well! What is it?

MR SOWERBERRY: My Dear I have told Mr Bumble that we may consider taking in this
young boy to help in the shop.

MRS SOWERBERRY: Dear me hes very small.

MR SOWERBERRY: Yes he is very small but hell grow

MRS SOWERBERRY: (examines him) Ah, I dare say he will, onour vittles and our drink.
Theyre a waste of time, these workhouse boys- they always cost more to keep than
what theyre worth. Still, you men always think you know best. What are you going to
do with him?

MR SOWERBERRY: Theres an expression of melancholy on his face, my dear, which

is very interesting. He could make a delightful coffin-follower.

MRS SOWERBERRY: A what?

MR SOWERBERRY: I dont mean a regular coffin-follower to follow the grown-ups, but

only for the childrens practice. It would be very nice to have a follower in proportion,
my sweet. A superb effect- the more I think about it!

MRS SOWERBERRY: For oncejust for once you might have a decent idea. Very well
then, boy whats your name?

NOAH: Im Mis-ter No-ah Clay-pole-and youre- under- me! So open up the blind, you
young Scallywag (Noah kicks Oliver)

CHARLOTTE: Hello. Noah, I saved a nice little bit of bacon for you from masters
breakfast. Oliver! Shut the door! And take them bits and your tea and go over there
and eat em. And make haste, cos theyll want you to mind the shop. Do you hear?

NOAH: Do you hear, Workhouse?

CHARLOTTE: Lor Noah! What a tease you are! Let the boy alone.

NOAH: Let him alone? Im giving the boy a change, you silly thing! Everyone lets him
alone. His father left him alone-his mother left him alone- they all left him alone except
dear old, kind old Noah! Eh Charlotte? He,he,he!

CHARLOTTE: Ha,ha,ha! You are a one!

NOAH: Work House! Hows yer mother? What did she die of? Shortness of Breath?
You know Workhouse, it cant be helped now, and of course it couldnt be helped then,
and Im very sorry for it, and all that but you must know Workhouse, your mother was
a regular, right down bad, un!
Noah
MR SOWERBERRY: Will you have the goodness to come here a moment,my dear?

MRS SOWERBERRY: What do you want? Well! What is it?

MR SOWERBERRY: My Dear I have told Mr Bumble that we may consider taking in this
young boy to help in the shop.

MRS SOWERBERRY: Dear me hes very small.

MR SOWERBERRY: Yes he is very small but hell grow

MRS SOWERBERRY: (examines him) Ah, I dare say he will, onour vittles and our drink.
Theyre a waste of time, these workhouse boys- they always cost more to keep than
what theyre worth. Still, you men always think you know best. What are you going to
do with him?

MR SOWERBERRY: Theres an expression of melancholy on his face, my dear, which

is very interesting. He could make a delightful coffin-follower.

MRS SOWERBERRY: A what?

MR SOWERBERRY: I dont mean a regular coffin-follower to follow the grown-ups, but

only for the childrens practice. It would be very nice to have a follower in proportion,
my sweet. A superb effect- the more I think about it!

MRS SOWERBERRY: For oncejust for once you might have a decent idea. Very well
then, boy whats your name?

NOAH: Im Mis-ter No-ah Clay-pole-and youre- under- me! So open up the blind, you
young Scallywag (Noah kicks Oliver)

CHARLOTTE: Hello. Noah, I saved a nice little bit of bacon for you from masters
breakfast. Oliver! Shut the door! And take them bits and your tea and go over there
and eat em. And make haste, cos theyll want you to mind the shop. Do you hear?

NOAH: Do you hear, Workhouse?

CHARLOTTE: Lor Noah! What a tease you are! Let the boy alone.

NOAH: Let him alone? Im giving the boy a change, you silly thing! Everyone lets him
alone. His father left him alone-his mother left him alone- they all left him alone except
dear old, kind old Noah! Eh Charlotte? He,he,he!

CHARLOTTE: Ha,ha,ha! You are a one!

NOAH: Work House! Hows yer mother? What did she die of? Shortness of Breath?
You know Workhouse, it cant be helped now, and of course it couldnt be helped then,
and Im very sorry for it, and all that but you must know Workhouse, your mother was
a regular, right down bad, un!
Dr. Grimwig
MR BROWNLOW: Doctor, do you notice the moste xtraordinary likeness between that
boys face and the portrait of my daughterAgnes?

MR GRIMWIG: Cant say I do I only know twosorts of boys. Mealy faced boys anf beef-
faced boys.

MR BROWNLOW: and which is Oliver?

MR GRIMWIG: Mealy, Where does he come from?

MR BROWNLOW: Didnt I tell you? He wasarrested for stealing my pocket hankerchief.

MR GRIMWIG: What Sir?

MR BROWNLOW: It was all my mistake and whenthe shopkeeper told us what really
happened and he was released by themagistrate I brought him here to make what
amends I could. But I must confess Ifind myself strangely attached to the child.

MR GRIMWIG: Hes deceiving you, my goodfriend. He has had a fever. What of that?
Fevers are not particular to goodpeople, are they? Bad people have fevers sometimes,
havent they? He stole yourpocket handkerchief, didnt he? Then hell steal more sir.