Pantheon Comics #3:

"The Next Generation"

digest by Joe Grendel

Chapter One
by OzBat!

J Street, Washington DC.

A beat-up old jeep pulls up outside a dilapidated store front. A battered old neon sign still
hangs above the entrance. It reads:

GRENDEL'S
Pond Bar and Grill
The neon sign itself looked like a few people had tried to remove or adjust it in recent
days; the front picture window was boarded over, and the security roller door pulled
down and bolted at the entrance.

The jeep driver sighed, pulled himself out and up to his full height of nine feet, and
stretched after his long trip. He then seemed to fade away, shrinking and changing form
as he did so and suddenly reappeared in the form he was most comfortable in, between
adventures.

BatMite! made a mental note to get the sign sorted out, and then bamfed inside.

"Its time to get this place straightened out, before Grendel gets back!"

***

Nightfall at J street was a relative concept, seeing as how the street was a nexus for all
time and space, and most other places that people didn't like to think about too much.

But nightfall it was, and the roller door was up, and light streamed onto the footpath
through the inner swinging doors and the picture window.

In his rush to get everything in working order and pass the word around what once were
regular attendees, BM hoped desperately that he hadn't forgotten anything.
And then a step was heard at the door

Chapter Two: His father's son.

by kevrhon

"Hello? Are you open?"

The voice came from a figure that filled both dimensions of the double door. As he
stepped inside out of the back-lighting, BatMite could see that this was a young man of
no more than 19 or 20. He had wavy brown hair that hadn't seen the inside of a barber's
or stylists shop in too long, tattered jeans and a "JFK, jr. in '24" T-shirt, and was generally
poorly kempt. A pair of glasses that were entirely too small for his broad face were
perched on his nose. His looked disturbingly familiar.

"Sure are, mate. What can I get you?" the bartender pro-tem inquired.

"Nothing really, I don't drink. I've never been in a real bar before, just a museum
depiction. You know, since they outlawed all controlled substances in '17. Does
everything work?"

"Well enough for paying customers. What did you say you were drinking?"

"Oh, oh yeah. Um, do you have iced tea? Or, never mind, I'll just have a Coke."

The young man was obviously distracted, spinning around the bar wide-eyed and full of
wonder, like Mary Tyler Moore in Minneapolis. BatMite could have served horse urine
and gotten away with it.

"Here you go then. That's $2."

"Wow, so this is really it. This is Grendel's. My dad told me so much about this place, I
almost feel like I've been here myself. Are there any members of the Old Pantheon still
around?"

BatMite sputtered in spite of himself.

"The Pantheon? Listen boy, who are you, anyway?"

The young man reddened, then stuck out his hand.

"Oh, I'm sorry, where are my manners? Kelly Gene Wilson, apprentice crime-fighter.
That is, I will be, when dad lets me have the helmet."

The Mite from Down-Under took a step back in mid-air as his jaw dropped.
"You're kevrhon's boy?"

"That's right. My friends call me kwilson, or kwils for short. I'm pleased to meet you Mr.
Mite."

Chapter Three: Lo, she arrives with a FART!

by The Mighty Hank!

Meanwhile

Outside of Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

Just outside Grendel's, a lone thundercloud rolled into J street. It hovered with
considerable majesty for being only a tiny thunder cloud. The piano-birds changed course
to avoid the short storm. The slate-grey midget rolled furiously. Inside, static electricity
crackled. Then, with an air-splitting sigh of relief, the cloud cracked with an ear-splitting
sonic boom.

And the little cloud rained its life away in front of Grendel's.

Then, just before the cloud was about to dissipate the last of its rain-body, the sky
exploded with lightning.

And the ground was covered with Hail.

***

Inside Grendel's.

kwilson, a bit nervous since this was his first foray into the super-hero biz, jumped at the
sound of a Mighty! explosion.

"By Fate! What the heck was that?!" kwilson exclaimed.

The OzBat slowly cleaned a glass and whistled.

"Oh, that would probably be some sort of Storm God, mate," he said.

And on cue, with another flash of lightning, a 7'0" figure in Norse robes appeared at the
door in silhouette. The lightning crashed a charming third time, as the Norse warrior
strode into the bar.

As the warrior entered the light, she removed her Viking helmet, tossing her long, brown
hair to one side. She shook it out, and smiled. In her hand, a ball-peen hammer with one
word on it.
She sidled up to the bar, with a look of slight confusion on her face. She set her weapon
on the bar. She smiled, a smile that could melt hearts or sink battleships, depending upon
her mood, of course.

"Could I have a flagon of mead, sire?" the mysterious brown beauty inquired.

OzBat smiled and gave a salute, spinning 'round to give her the ale. Then he continued to
prepare the bar for business.

kwilson, curious about the 7'0" beauty, sidled up closer to her. Curious about the hammer,
he read it aloud.

"Why is your hammer named 'Henry'?" the puzzled kwilson inquired.

The Norse warrior drank a draught of her ale, wiping the foam off with the back of her
thumb.

"Brurpp Oh, yeah, it's sort of a long story. Good beer," she said.

kwilson, more curious, sidled closer. Putting on his best gettin'-it-on face, kwilson
grinned and spoke to the warrior.

"Well, we've probably plenty of time." The words practically oozed out of kwilson's
mouth.

The Norse warrior smiled a pretty smile.

"You're cute. You don't have a chance." She drank more brew, wiping the foam off with
the back of her hand. "But, I want to tell you anyway. Ahem, years ago, there was a child
born to a World War II super-heroic legend and a goddess. He was born with white hair,
and eyes the color of clouds. And he was born with enemies. Enemies who would destroy
the child to make the mother and father suffer. To protect the child, it was sent to the
mystic realm of Asgaard (in a strange pact between gods of different Pantheons) for
protection. Odin the All-Father grew to love this child, and adopted him and raised him as
his own.

"As time passed, the earth-child grew more like his godly-brethren. But, alas, he was no
god. Try as he might, he would never be a god. He would have to be content to be a
godling. As the child grew to adolescence, and finally into the realm of years
Midgaardians call "the teens," Odin decided that his adopted son, the godling, should be
raised amoung his own people.

"So Odin the All-Father sent his adopted godling son to the realm of Midgaard, where he
entered the public high schools and became a football legend. Being 7'0" tall and
weighing 350lbs, with the power and Mighty strength of a godling-'moung-men, how
could he be anything but a high school football legend?
"Eventually, he would go on to play football in university. And then, he gave it up to
adventure and try to save the world. And in his adventures, he met a hero in hat, and a
whole new Pantheon of Heroes. No longer the godling-'moung-gods, but a hero-'moung-
heroes, the Mighty godling had at last found peace
and happiness. He found more happiness the day the man in the hat married the woman
with the wit.

"Soon, through the natural course of things, the man in the hat and the woman with the
wit gave birth to a child. With chestnut hair and eyes the color of stars, she was special.

"So special that the enemies of the Pantheon of Heroes had marked her for death. And
when the battles finally came, battles that even the greatest of heroes couldn't win, the
Mighty godling-'moung-men whisked his godchild away for a destiny not unlike his.

"And moments after the godling delivered the child, an evil magician crushed the life
from the godling, (for he was not a god, and was thus mortal) and contained his power in
a weapon. But, the strange, whimsical nature of the godling corrupted the foul weapon, a
trident, into a more suitable form. The wizard found that a ball-peen hammer named
'Henry' was quite unsuitable in the quest to destroy good. So he left it in Asgaard.

"Eventually, the hammer named Henry found it's way to the goddaughter with the brown
hair, and she found her power, too

"Burp."

The brown-haired Norse warrior finished her beer. She burped again.

Dumbfounded, kwilson blinked very rapidly at the woman.

"Who the heck are you?" he stammered.

She smiled at kwilson.

"Why, I'm The Mighty Hail! Child of The Storm, daughter of Hat and gail, goddaughter
of The Mighty Hank! and wielder of all his power."

After that, The Mighty Hail! farted, and demanded more beer.

OzBat eyed The Mighty Hail!

"Yep. Talks like Hat. Has gail's attitude. And whew, apparently learned hygiene and table
manners from Hank's family. Plus the hammer."

kwilson blinked in horror.

"That's that's that's just SO STUPID! And it doesn't make any sense."
OzBat shrugged his shoulders as The Mighty Hail! took another draught of brew straight
from the taps.

"Well, that's just the way things work around here, mate," OzBat said with a shrug.

Chapter Four: And you thought ONE was bad

by The Jester

As OzBat was about to ask kwils and Hail why they came, the door burst open again.
Five young people walked in: an imposing black man, a slight Asian woman, a lithe, red-
headed Caucasian woman, a quite tattooed and very surly white male, and a Native
American who you had to really concentrate on to see. OzBat thought that as different as
they were, there was something they had in common. Something familiar. Then

"WHERE'S THE JOHN?!" The new group simultaneously screamed.

OzBat gestured towards the back and thought Oh, great.

***

Once the motley crew had returned, OzBat's fears were confirmed. It seems the group
came to the Bar and Grill because of some family ties. Recently, the group (whose
mothers were all artificially inseminated) individually researched their fathers at sperm
banks. They all found one name: Joe Rice, alias The Jester. They all showed up at his
house one day and nearly gave him a heart attack. He told them about his adventures with
the Pantheon. They didn't have anything better to do. So, the new "family" traveled to J
Street.

"FIVE OF THEM?" OzBat thought. "FIVE OF THEM? WHY ME? WHY MEEEEEE?"

Chapter Five: Whatever happened to ?

by kevrhon

kwilson sat at the bar sipping daintily on his Coke through a bendy straw.

Only because Grendel's didn't have any silly straws.

You see, in spite of his enormous size, or perhaps because of it, kwilson was a bit of a
gentle giant. No, that's not quite it. More of an easy-going lummox. Well, if the truth was
known (and to kevrhon's shame), kwilson was a bit of a wuss.

That's why kevrhon was unwilling to hand over the helmet of Fate. But kwilson knew
that given the chance he could prove to his father, to everyone, that inside his chest under
all that extra flesh beat the heart of a warrior.
For now however, he contented himself to be in the place his father had spoken of so
fondly, staring with Hail at a group photo taken during some downtime with all the
members of the Pantheon present. He recognized most of them. Grendel and BatMite
behind the bar, Mighty Hank, Hatman, Mr. Miracle, gail, Aquaman, Amazon, mope, Kev-
Magog, Joe Gallagher, J'onn, Jester. Even Jonah the Monitor was in the shot, as were
others he knew well from hearing tales of the Pantheon at his father's knee.

But there was one indistinct figure seated on the floor at the bottom edge of the
photograph that he didn't recognize.

"Hail, can you make this out?" he inquired of the Norse godessling seated at the stool
next to him.

"Nay, 'tis none that I can tell. Mayhaps there was light leaked 'pon the negative."

BatMite looked over.

"What?"

kwilson handed the photo to BatMite.

"The guy that looks like he's glowing sort of a green color."

"Oh, that. He is glowing green. He's always showing off like that. That's Jason Borelli,
the Pantheon's Green Lantern."

"That's Borelli? I heard he disappeared into a nearly uninhabited pocket universe and was
never seen or heard from again."

Hail nodded.

"I had heard he had made fast friends with a sack of potatoes."

"Naw, the potatoes ran away."

BatMite shook his head.

"If it happened, it happened elsewhen. It may have been your past, but it's my yet to be.
My possible future. This bar, this street exist out of time and space. It's a place where
divergent time-lines and realities, even different eras can converge. Your father could
walk through that door from another time as a 20 year old man. Anything you tell me
about the future stays here. I can't retain it when I leave."

kwilson ran his fingers through his hair, his hand stopping to rub the back of his neck in a
gesture very reminiscent of his father.
"Did Jason, you know, ever produce an heir?"

"Thou might thinketh otherwise, but I am lead to believe that he did in fact sire a son,"
Hail offered.

"No way!"

"Verily."

Just then, a loud crash was heard from outside, followed by the sight of a rather awkward
young man stumbling and tumbling through the door.

"Can you help me?" he pleaded. "I guess I'm lost."

BatMite bamfed over to help the young fellow to his feet, and began dusting him off.

"And you would be?"

"Permit me to introduce myself." He reached into a pocket, and handed BatMite "My
card. Jason Borelli, Jr. is the name. I'm a cosmic avenger, a leader of men (whether they
want to be led or not) and a good-deed-doer. You may call me

The Incredible Spazz! "

BatMite rolled his eyes.

"Oh, brother."

Chapter Six: A Matter of Interpretation

by OzBat!

"What, you don't like it? Damn, I just paid a fortune to get 50 thousand of these printed!"

"Ah, no, that's not it "

"Its the 'Incredible,' isn't it? A bit pretentious for a guy with no practical experience? How
about 'Indomitable?' 'Inexhaustible?' No, I get tired just looking at the map of a ten mile
hike. How about "

OzBat! rolled his eyes again. Repeatedly. And then did it again, the opposite direction,
just to prove that the action was not the results of inhaling too many alcoholic fumes
behind the bar counter.
"Look, I think you're really missing the point here!"

"'Inexorable!' That's a good one!"

OzBat floated to a more commanding height and then promptly levitated the hapless
junior Borelli, letting him down onto a bar stool with just enough force to catch his
attention proper.

"I'm trying to say; I dunno what time frame or planetary dialect you claim as natively
yours, but around here, well, 'SPAZZ' takes on some not-so-nice connotations!"

Jase Jr stared vacantly into space as the realization hit him.

"You mean, sort of like "Lobo" having different meanings in English and Khundian?"

With a flourish, OzBat delivered the demoralized young man a double vodka and orange.

"Exactly!"

"You wouldn't happen to have a "

OzBat quickly produced a United Planets combined Lexicology and Thesaurus, and Jase
retreated to a corner of the bar near the jukebox. The Mighty Hail! and kwilson diverted
their attention back to the group photo of the Pantheon, and the Joe Rice quintet resumed
their game of pool.

Momentarily:

"AAAARRRRggggggghhhhhHHHH! That little blue-skinned @#$@$! He told me it

meant 'Inspirational Leader In The Face Of (self-created) Unspeakable Havoc!'"

OzBat looked up from the 'Elseworlds Night' he was putting up for the bar, and
snickered.

"Serves him right for listening to retired Guardian Malt-shop proprietors!"

kwilson gazed down at the poster.

"Elseworlds? What's that?"

"Oh, you know familiar characters or concepts placed into times, places or worlds that
did not, could not, or should never have been. Bit of a market for this stuff at the moment.
Should be quite a night!"
And, as if on cue, a young lady entered the bar. A young, green, bald lady. Normally
aliens didn't raise so much as an eyebrow in Grendel's Bar, but this one seemed to have
the power to attract the attention of every male in the house.

Self-consciously, as if she knew what they were thinking, she glanced quickly
downwards and made sure that her red 'x' harness was somehow inexplicably in the right
place, and then made for the bar.

"Excuse me sir; my name is J'ann. You wouldn't happen to have known my father, would
you?"

OzBat gave out a long, low whistle.

"It's gonna be one of those nights!"

Chapter Seven: Where is Joe Grendel?

by Joe Grendel

Another dimension: A region known as the Winterlands. This differentiates it from the
Summerlands to the south. The natives aren't real big on cartography.

Grendel rested with his back against the hull of the small sailboat, feeling the Whale
Road pitch beneath him.

Gib was at the tiller, pointing to the slack jib, explaining what Albion should do about it.

"And stop calling it 'rope,' it's a line!"

Albion, gleefully accepting any new sailing terminology into his lexicon, grinned happily
as he began tugging on the, er, line.

Grace flipped her as-short-as-Grendel-had-ever-seen-it hair out of her eyes in

exasperation.

"This boat is pitching too much! I can't even pour the wine!"

Grendel closed his eyes and smiled. Now, he thought, this was the life.

He burped quietly. Too much spicy moose sausage in his and Grace's reworking of
Grendel's Interdimensionally Famous Chili recipe the night before.

He grinned.

How nice to have gas be the only crisis I'm facing for once
 Chapter Eight: Who spilled the wine?
by White Knight

Suddenly, an inter-dimensional door appeared right in front of the boat. Grendel's eyes
opened wide.

"Oh, no. Not a door." Quickly, he took an oar and started rowing. "I must get away I must
get away "

"What is it that you want?" asked Gib. "You're rocking the boat!"

"You have spilled the wine!" said Grace with a frozen smile.

"You don't see that door?" Grendel said and pointed towards the green glowing
interdimensional door.

Grace, Gib and Albion looked one another.

"That chili had too many alien spices!"

"No, we don't see no steenkin' door" said Albion.

Grendel paddled furiously, but to no avail. The boat was getting closer and closer to the
door.

When the boat reached the door, nothing happened. The boat was crossing without
trouble. Grendel relaxed and dropped the oar.

"Im getting paranoid. I must get that other bottle of 'Chateau La Hank' out of the icebox
and have another cup."

BUT, when Grendel reached the energy door, he started to glow.

"Grendel, what is happening?" asked Grace. Realizing what was happening, Grendel
cursed under his breath.

"No."

And he disappeared.

ONE UNIVERSE AND A HALF AWAY

With a mighty THUD! a displaced Grendel landed on the floor of one Grendel's Pond Bar
& Grill. Grendel shook his head and looked around, recognition came to his eyes.
"Oh, boy." Everyone was staring at him. Some appeared to know him, some didn't. But
they looked all the same. Then, Grendel felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hi. I'm

The Amazing
Green Alxuffasch.
I was the one that brought you here."

Everyone in the bar went quiet as Grendel looked at the green fellow responsible of his
not-so-good intergalactic trip.

"Mr. Green," said Grendel.

Everyone ducked, except for OzBat.

"Oh, brother. Here we go again."

Chapter Nine: V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N

by Joe Grendel

Grendel slowly looked around the bar. His eyes settled on BatMite, who began wishing
he could turn invisible. Without warning, Grendel's hand lashed out, closing on Borelli
Junior's throat.

"I'm only going to say this once," Grendel whispered. "No one yanks me from one
universe to another without my permission. Second, BatMite, I left you in charge. Don't
make me come back here in a bad mood. Third, enough with the big fonts."

He tightened his grip on Borelli's throat. Junior's willpower was nowhere nearly as strong
as a very mad Grendel's. The boy's face had gone beyond red to purple to blue.

"Finally," Grendel growled. "Send me back. Grace is going to introduce me to one of her
single friends."

Borelli staggered back, gasping for breath. An emerald portal opened up and Grendel
stalked through.

BatMite: OzBat shrugged.

"You know, that went a lot better than I thought."

Chapter Ten: N-O K-I-D-D-I-N-G

by The White Knight

The Amazing Green Alxuffasch shook visibly.

"Man," he said to OzBat. "Why is he in such a bad mood?"

OzBat shrugged.

"Well, have you ever been transported in one of your crazy green interdimensional
gates?"

"No. I use the patented Borelli teleport belt."

"Well, let me tell you, it feels like let me borrow your ring for a second, Amazing Al."

"The Amazing Green Alxuffasch, please."

"Yeah, whatever. Lend me your ring."

Being a bit inexperienced, Jason Jr. gave OzBat his ring. Feeling the emerald power
course throught his veins, OzBat created an interdimensional door just like the one Jason
Jr. had
used on Grendel. He disappeared in a green glow. OzBat kept concentrating and used all
his willpower to send poor Borelli to unknown reaches of the universe until, with a
mighty
THUD, he reappeared in mid-air and fell, crashing to the floor of the bar.

OzBat fell to the floor, laughing his head off. Borelli, shaking, rose to his feet.

"Manoman, manoman " he wiped the sweat from his forehead.

"It feels like %$%&"$! No wonder Mr. Grendel came so hard on me. I feel like my feet
were sucked through my neck!" He looked to the almost-hysterical-with-laughter OzBat.

He walked towards him and yanked his ring from Oz's finger.

Suddenly, the doors of the bar opened. A figure was silhouetted against the pale moon in
the sky above. OzBat bamfed back to the bar and started cleaning it with a piece of cloth.
The mysterious figure walked in. There was a sound of scraping metal when he walked.
When he got nearer the bar, everyone saw him clearly. He was wearing a white armor and
had a helmet on. He carried a broad sword and a broad shield strapped to his shoulder. He
sat on a stool and took off his helmet. OzBat bamfed next to him.
"G'day, mate" he said in his best Australian accent. "What will it be?"

The stranger looked at him.

"I'm the White Knight."

"Sure you are. Now, what do you want? We got everything, from Tequila to Grendels
Own Rotgut."

"A Grendel's Rotgut on the rocks, please."

"Coming up!"

White Knight looked around and saw quite a gathering.

"Hi, Hail, Kwilson."

"Art thou seeking conversation or thou knowst us?"

"Well, actually, no. But we will know each other in a few years."

OzBat appeared with White Knight's drink.

"Yes, guys, remember that Grendel's is outside normal time. Hey, you could even appear
right now aged 90!"

"Yes. You guys inspired me to fight the good fight."

"We did?"

White Knight drank the Grendel's Rotgut and wiped the foam from his mouth.

"Yes. It all began when Superman had his bachelor party. You remember it?"

OzBat appeared with a comment.

"Yes, now I remember. Oh, what a party!"

Kwilson, Hail and J'ann said at the same time: "Tell us about the party!"

OzBat took a deep breath.

"And while you recount thy story, fetch me a mug of ale!" said Hail. With the pitcher of
ale already in his hand, OzBat spoke.

"It was 20 years ago today "

 Chaper Eleven: Laying low for a while
by Amazon

"Dangit. I just missed him."

Amazon heaved a heavy sigh as she previously watched Joe Grendel step back through
the portal.

"Well, it can wait. I just needed him to sign some papers that's all. No big deal." Amazon
folded the papers back up and set them aside.

Anxious to stay out of trouble, BatMite wisely busied himself by replacing the light bulbs
over the pool tables shattered by one too many frustrated cue sticks.

"Norm!" Amazon smiled, "So good to see you these days."

Norm jerked his head to acknowledge her greeting and raised a beer towards her.

"Where's Cliff?" Amazon inquired.

"Still out doing his rounds."

"Don't tell me that he still follows that rain, wind, snow, hail motto still?"

"Yep. Just can't teach a old dog new tricks, huh?"

"Where's Carla?"

"Over there with that Mr. Green kid."

"Doesn't he look like?"

"Borelli's kid? Bingo."

"Ye gods! Spittin' image!"

"Say what ever did happen on your date with Magog?"

"Got cut short."

"Well, got anybody else in mind?"

"Any place else is what you mean. I've always been curious about Joe Gallagher's Avatar.
Think he'll give me a tour if I ask real nicely?"
"Couldn't hurt to ask."

Amazon eyed the pay phone by the rest rooms.

"No, it couldn't hurt to ask."

Chapter 12: A-V-A-T-A-R!

by Joe Gallagher

High above Kansas, in Gallagher City, the phone rang. The Joe Gallagher Avatar (or JGA,
for brevity's sake) lifted his head from the group photo.

He walked over to the phone, dusted off the cobwebs, and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" queried the baffled Avatar.

A woman's voice answered, "Hi, is this the Joe Gallagher Avatar?"

Looking over at the numerous TV screens in Gallagher City, the JGA saw a young
woman, about nineteen, wearing an Wonder Woman costume. She talking into a phone,
with a female Barbie doll tacked onto what appeared to be a bathroom door. Taking in the
situation and using his massive intellect to deduce how the woman got the unlisted
number to his phone, he replied:

"Uh, yeah. How'd you get this number?"

"It was scrawled on the ladies' bathroom."

I'm going to bamf that JoeMite character out of this continuity, thought the JGA.

"Oh, right, the ladies bathroom. So, um, what's up?"

"Not much. We're all just kind of resting between retconns at the moment. This is the first
time in three months that some homicidal maniac hasn't tried to destroy the universe as
we know it!"

"Yeah, maniacs. That's cool. Well, you know, I'm kind of busy here "

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. What the heck are you doing up there in that
floating city of yours? I saw it twinkling over Kansas when well, on this date that didn't
work out, and the guy that took me out said that he didn't know what was going on up
there. So I was wondering, could you maybe give me a tour?"

The JGA's mind raced. Here he was, Avatar over all the Joe Gallaghers in all the fractured
continuities of the universe, with responsibilities beyond imagining, and this strange
woman
wanted him to be a tour guide? Dumb-struck, he replied:

"Well, um, you know, I, well, I've been busy lately. Hal Joedan of the Joe Corps was just
eaten by some monster thing, Joe Gallagrendel recently got evicted from his bar, the Joe
Gallagher on Earth-3 has midterms, and personally I've been working on this group photo
of the Pantheon "

"Group photo of the Pantheon? Really? Could I see it?"

The JGA paused. Here was a total breach of security for Gallagher City: a strange (if
attractive) young woman wanted not only to enter Gallagher City, but to see the group
shot of all the Pantheon members. And not just the fake picture that now hung in the bar
where Amazon stood, but the definitive shot of the KCMBers. There was no logical
reason to let her anywhere near Gallagher City, or to continue the phone call.

And yet it had been kind of lonely in the City lately. Watching the different incarnations
of the Pantheon fight evil was entertaining, but it wasn't the same as actually participating
in the adventure. The JGA did long to step down from his lonely space station above the
desolation of Kansas and perhaps even join in some adventures, but it was too time-
consuming to fight evil, what with all his responsibilities to the Joe Gallaghers running
around the universe and his desire to finish the photo. And yet

"Sure. I'd be glad to. I don't think I got your name."

"Amazon."

"OK, Amazon, how about if I finish up here and pick you up at Grendel's tomorrow at,
say, nineish?"

"Sure thing. See you then!" And Amazon hung up.

Hoo boy, thought the JGA. Of all the challenges I've faced with the Pantheon, this will be
the greatest.

Chapter Thirteen: Strike Two

by kevrhon

kwilson had enjoyed hearing the story of Superman's bachelor party from someone other
than his father. Somehow, when he told the story, kevrhon sounded so heroic. Like he had
single-handedly kept the Pantheon from each others throats that night. When OzBatMite
told the story, kwilson's dad sounded like a bit of a jerk. Running around nosing into
everyone else's affairs. He just came off like a pompous ass in need of a big old slap
upside the head. kwilson kind of liked that. He thought he'd really like BatMite once he
got to know him better.
Right now, he had other things on his mind. He was currently losing about his 12th arm-
wrestling match with J'ann. Partially because she was super-human and could rip his arm
off if she wanted to. But also because he was focused on the valley of the jolly green
giantess, wondering if he stood a chance of getting to first base.

Whap!

kwilson sat on the floor stunned for a moment. He had just learned something his father
had never mentioned. Not that his thoughts were all that well guarded, but Martians can
read minds.

"Not if you were the last male humanoid in existence!" She snarled, in case the message
wasn't clear.

kwilson picked himself up off the floor, checking for bumps and bruises. He felt a strange
stirring in his pants. Could it be that he enjoyed this sort of thing a bit too much? No,
wait, that was just his father attempting to reach him. He reached into his jeans pocket,
and produced a small crystal sphere about the size of a golf ball.

"I better take this," he said, smiling sheepishly. "Could be an emergency signal. Dad
could be facing a menace that he needs my help to handle."

J'ann rolled her eyes, then whispered something to Hail. Both women laughed so hard
they nearly fell off their bar stools. kwilson retreated to a quiet corner of the bar near the
pay phones, running into Amazon and nearly knocking himself over in the process.

Hmm, what a woman. I wonder if she's seeing anyone? kwilson thought for a moment.
Naw. She could never handle this much man. He turned to the corner, out of the flow of
traffic to the restrooms, and started talking into the crystal he held in his
hand.

Chapter Fourteen: Something's in the air

by Amazon

Amazon got back up from the floor and brushed off the dust from her hands.

Wait, wasn't that? Yes, indeed. Amazon's eyes weren't playing tricks on her. It was
kwilson. Wow. I wonder if he's half the man that his father was.

Then the phone call came back into mind.

Joe Gallagher City.

A huge smile broke across Amazon's face and she squealed with delight as she rewarded
Norm with a bear hug.
"Norm! He said YES!"

"Well, good for you."

"Norm?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm nervous."

"Why would you be?"

"Norm! This is Joe Gallagher. The Joe Gallagher!"

"Amazon. It's the other way around. He should be nervous about you."

"Huh? Whadda mean?"

"Well, you're Amazon. The Amazon!"

Amazon blushed and gave Norm another hug.

"Aw, Norm. You know the right things to say to a girl."

Amazon jumped off the bar stool and grabbed her purse.

"What are you up to now?" Norm raised an eyebrow.

"I'm going to get some civilian clothes. There's a shop down the street. I'll be back before
you finish all those pretzels in the bowl."

Norm chuckled as Amazon exited and he raised his beer.

"Hey! Where's the pretzel bowl, anyway?"

Chapter Fifteen: On second thought

by The Jester

The OzBat looked at the pool table. There were no longer five multi-racial, multi-ethnic,
multi-whatever Joe Rices. There were 37. And more came in every now and then. This
was ridiculous. He picked up the phone and dialed.

"H-yello," the voice on the other end said.

"Jester? That you Joe? This is OzBat."

"Yeah, it's me. What's the problem? I'm about to embark on a mission. I've got this idea
for all these sperm banks "

"That's what I'm calling you about. I'm here at Grendel's and somehow we have 37 of
your progeny here. But they're not much like you at all."

"Really? They must be annoying or something. Not the brave, beloved hero I've become."

"Uh, yeah. That's it. So how about you don't go to those banks, eh?"

"OK. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I see that nothing good could come
of it. Doesn't advance the plot at all."

"What? Plot?"

"Never mind. So, what's going on down there?"

"Not a whole lot. We've got some second generation Pantheoners, a knight all in white,
and Amazon's got a date with The Joe Gallagher Avatar."

"Really? Man, first Magog and now the JGA. What am I, chopped liver?"

"Gee, Jester, I just don't know why the women don't go for you. You're so sensitive and,
um, debonair. Maybe, uh, they're "

"Intimidated by me?"

Actually, OzBat was thinking "sane," but he said "Uh, yeah. That's it."

"Well, I can understand that. Well, listen, I'm gonna come right over. Nothing really going
on here."

The Jester hung up and left Infinite Mike at the JLAshland Monitor Board on Earth A,
taking the JLAshland portal to Grendel's.

Chapter Sixteen: Old Home Week

by Joe Grendel

The 1600 block of J Street, NW, Washington, DC.

Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill.

The new Sheryl Crow album was playing on the Wurlitzer.

The door opened and a dark figure leaned against the door frame, shaking his head
wearily at the scampering Jesterlings.

"Silly. Very silly. And highly risky to the fabric of the space-time continuum."

OzBat looked up.

"Shadowcat! I mean, Gog! I mean, Kevin! We missed you!"

The Interdimensional Policeman Formerly Known As Kevgog stalked into the room
poking an angry finger at the Rice children.

"All of you! You constitute a grave threat to the fabric of time-space "

"Hey!" OzBat bamfed between them. "Lighten up, Kev! This is small potatoes compared
to what usually goes on around here!"

Shadowcat glowered at the imp.

"Sure, I let these guys go, then, next thing you know, that twit Grendel has summoned up
all the Playmates of the Month at their prime, in defiance of all logic."

OzBat shrugged.

"Yeah, I could actually see him doing that."

***

Across the street.

Amazon held up a dress to her chest and eyed her reflection in the mirror.

"Oh, Abdul Aziz! It's wonderful!"

"Yes, ma'am. It once belonged to Marie Antoinette."

Amazon raised one eyebrow.

"Geez. That's got to wow the Avatar."

***

Elsewhen.
The Winterlands.
Grace struggled with her microdragons, Iggy and Julep, as they attempted to leap to the
nearby trees. Ignoring them as best she could, she glanced up at Grendel, perched atop his
horse.

"Well, glad you could make it. Hope you had a good time."

"I did. The commute's a little rough, but I had a terrific time."

Grace glanced at the saddle bags.

"One jug of ale is for you, but I'd appreciate if you set the other one at the Green Man's
shrine."

Grendel nodded.

"You betcha. Stop in sometime at the bar."

Grace, joined by her husband Albion, watched as Grendel rode off toward the
Summerlands.

Chapter Seventeen: Dangerous Descendants

by OzBat!
Grendel's
Pond Bar and Grill

TMH! is attempting to get the neon light outside working properly. He hasn't gone inside
yet, as he has come upon the malfunctioning sign outside, and, being a seven foot tall
godling-moung-men, can reach it, the better to fix it. So he is.

Sorta.

The problem being that Norse Godling-moung-men don't typically learn to right these
particular types of wrongs. Rescuing damsels in distress, vanquishing foul invaders, cats
out of trees; those sorts of things he had some experience with.

Unfortunately for the sign, TMH!'s experience as a repair man was pretty slim.

As the good-natured Hero of Millions toiled away, a strange figure wandered up the
street. It wore a battered overcoat, fedora, and huge platform shoes. And still only
managed to
come to 5 foot tall. And thus managed to totally come under TMH!'s field of vision, and
entered the bar unnoticed.

***
OzBat sat dejectedly behind the bar, and through the front plate glass window watched
Amazon gleefully exit Abdul Aziz's Emporium, package under arm. The Mighty Hail!
paused in the middle of a particularly impressive swig of ale, thoughtfully wiped the froth
from her upper lip, and tapped the bar lightly with Henry. OzBat looked up, gazed into
immensely powerful hazel eyes that were currently about 3 centimeters from his own (the
best for gaining utmost attention, when serious matters are at hand), and gulped.

"Uh, Hail? What are you doing?"

"I dost tryeth to avert thy eyes from yon window, the view of which dost seemingly fill
thee with much sadness. Pray tell, good barkeep, why?"

"Oh, that. It's nothing!"

J'ann suddenly materialized next to Hail! as an overcoated stranger sat at the Bar.

"You're not telling the truth, are you now, Mr. Mite?"

"Damn, your dad taught you a little too well. You're gorgeous an' all, but geddoudamy
brain!"

"Sorry!"

"The truth is, I used to know a girl who works over at Abdul's. She's a sweet thing, and
we were perfect together, but things didn't work out."

"Ah, a tale of forbidden passion!" sighed Hail, between burps.

"Yeah, you could call it that. Y'all know I used to go by the famous name of " (sudden
drum roll and fanfare out of thin air) " BATMITE!

"I was the premier hero of my home dimension. But when I started looking about other
dimensions, I stumbled over Grendel's. And Jeannie! She was cute! Looked just like Miss
September, 1996. Still does, I believe, being a Djinn has its advantages, and she makes a
fortune on the side making those wrinkle cream commercials!"

"So? What happened to change all that?" demanded kwils, as he and a seemingly infinite
number of Rice's crowded the bar.

"Welp, After that little debacle with Bob Overdog and BaneMite, the Mite Elders decided
I was overly distracted, didn't have my mind on the job. So, they ordered me to return
home, or forfeit my name and place there forever!"

("Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhh!" low murmur from the crowd.)

"I'd worked hard for the BatMite name, brought it glory and a Hanna Barbera cartoon
series and everything, but it wasn't enough. They wanted everything. I went back, tried to
talk them out of it, but they wouldn't listen."

"So then you "

"J'ann, you're doing it again!"

"Sorry!"

"Stop apologizing all the time! Some of your fathers associates really got on my nerves
with that! Have an Oreo, that should keep you quiet!

"Where was I? Oh yeah, the BatMite! name was now a trademark, so when I left, I had to
leave it behind. I've obviously kept the costume and cowl though, because, frankly, no
other Mite could fill my heroic stature and it wouldn't fit anybody else "

"And what about the girl?" "Yeah, where's Jeannie?"

"Uh, well. Yeah. Due to the strange nature of J Street, While I was away somehow 20
years passed before I re-entered this dimension. She's a little bit pissed that I didn't
write!"

The overcoated one, fedora barely visible above the bar top even standing on the stool,
spoke up: "I can identify with that!"

OzBat! eyed the fedora suspiciously. Not another one

And Hank the Hat returned the gaze.

"My father is The Mighty Hank! But he doesn't acknowledge I'm alive, or he would have
visited all the years I spent growing up in the Orphanage attached to the Nunnery of the
Overly Attentive Madonna. All I've had of him these long, long years are the possessions
of his closest friend, the HatMan!"

At this, The Mighty Hail! dropped a ripper, causing millions of Rice-kids to vacate the
area of the bar in a hurry.

"You have my dad's stuff?"

Chapter Eighteen: Deadly Arrival

by Amazon

Amazon fidgeted with the hemline of her dress. Not just any dress, mind you. It used to
be Marie Antoinette's dress. She was going to the Avatar. Of course, she had to do it in
style. To do otherwise would be an insult since Joe Gallagher was highly regarded around
these parts.

"What time is it, Norm?" Amazon asked.

Norm checked his watch.

"It's a quarter 'till nine. Exactly 30 seconds after the last time you asked me what time it
was."

Amazon lightly raked her nails back and forth across the counter.

"Anxious?" Norm guessed.

Amazon ignored him and glanced towards the door for the umpteenth time.

"How do I look?"

"Amazon, you look fine. Your dress is fine. Your hair is fine. Your make-up is fine. You
look FINE. Quit fussing around."

Amazon perched her elbow on the counter and rested her head in her hand. She began
raking her nails across the counter again.

"Well, it's almost nine." Norm announced.

"Do you think he changed his mind?"

"Why don't you wait the extra two minutes and find out?"

"Norm, you're not helping me."

"C'mon. Lighten up. It's just a tour of the city. What's the big deal?"

The question went unanswered since Amazon was captivated by the sight of Joe
Gallagher emerging through the entrance.

OK, now what? Do I introduce myself, Amazon wondered, or do I wait here and let him
approach me?

Chapter Nineteen: What's so deadly about it?

by Joe Grendel

The 1600 block of J Street, NW, Washington, DC.

 Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

Hank stood back.

"There. I believe that's that."

The god pressed his nose against the glass.

"Hey, look at Amazon! Hubba-hubba!"

They're not particularly up on the current slang in Asgaard.

***

Elsewhen.
The Summerlands.

Grendel slowed his horse as he entered the clearing. The ride from Grace and Albion's
home on Porcupine Island in the Winterlands had taken the better part of the day and
twilight was descending now.

A herd of unicorns cropped the yellowing grass in the meadow, ignoring Grendel. He
smiled, and began working out the kinks in his shoulders and back.

"One hell of a commute."

A noise from the opposite end of the clearing caught his attention. He looked up in time
to see the knight lower his visor and spur his horse forward, his sword held high.

Grendel drew his with a wicked grin and spurred his rented mount to action.

The knight's broadsword came whistling in toward Grendel's unarmored head, stopped at
the last moment by the demonsword. A pair of whirring return attacks were blocked by
the knight's kite shield. The knight then leaned his horse against Grendel's, attempting to
pin Grendel's sword arm. Close quarters being too much, Grendel tried to poke the
fingers of his left hand in through the visor splits.

"OK, knock it off you two; I've just called for pizza."

Tristan, Knight of the Waters, slid up his visor and winked at Grendel.

"I would have kicked your @$$."

"Don't count on it," Grendel sheathed his sword. "I brought my pistol, Medieval Boy."
Kriffer, tossing her strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder with one hand, walked
further into the meadow, sending the unicorns scattering. She walked up to Grendel,
patting his rented horse on the flank.

"Hey, nice horse. You made good time. Who's taking care of the bar?"

"My assistant, OzBat. I'm sure he's handling everything just fine."

***

J Street.

OzBat suddenly sits stark upright, going ashen.

"The cat! Grendel's cat Lucky! Has anyone seen it? Oh, lordy "

Chapter Twenty: Deadly Kitty

by The Mighty Hank!

TMHail!, J'ann and Hank the Hat have moved to a corner booth in the Pond.

The Mighty Hail! sat with her friend J'ann and Hank the Hat at a corner booth, having
decided to move for a little bit more privacy of conversation. Hail was chewing and
crunching on her dinner.

"Wouldst thou like a bite, sweetie?" Hail inquired.

"No, no," J'ann grimaced, "Martians don't eat meat."

"That. Is. Disgusting!" Hank the Hat said.

Hail! took another bite.

"Dost thou thinketh that I careth?" Hail saideth.

Hail! took another chomp and shrugged her shoulders.

"At first, I was upset that the little guy didn't ask me what I wanted. Lordy, I'm hungry.
But then I forgot how much I like to hunt." Hail ripped another bite.

"Some hunt. The little guy didn't stand a chance." J'ann tried not to watch Hail eat. For
being a lady, she wasn't very ladylike.

"Yeah, well, to each his own. Not my fault I have strange tastes. Do we have any tartar?"
Hail inquired, wiping off her mouth with the back of her hand.
J'ann was almost at the puking point now.

"No, no. I see no tartar. Say, what happened to your Thor-speak?"

"Oh, sorry, I mean, 'What villainy dost thou speak of, friend J'ann. Forsooth, thine ears
are deceived. 'Tis been no change in mine speech. Verily.'" Another bite and crunch from
Hail!

J'ann took a drink from her Oreo Pilsner Smoothie.

"You are so strange."

"ENOUGH OF THIS! I want REVENGE!" Hank the Hat said.

"Yeah, sweetie, well I want my dad's stuff back. Would be nice to have some way to
remember the old man. Even if he never even bothered to come back for me," Hail said,
ripping the sinew off of a bone.

J'ann sunk lower in her booth, trying to avoid the conversation. Hard to do when you're a
Martian telepath. She entertained herself by watching cavemen drive jet-wagons down
the
sidewalks, and cows jumping over the moon. A shape caught her eye

"You think you have problems? I've never met my dad, either. I mean, he's this big,
hotshot super-hero," HtH leapt onto the table, trying to flex and grimace, "'Look at me,
I'm big! I'm a godling-'moung-men!' What a joke." HtH sat back down.

"Don't make fun of The Mighty Hank! At least he cared enough to try and take care of
me! Not like like that Hat guy! And and "

"Ah, stuff it! Doesn't matter anyway! If I had a chance to talk to my dad "

Hail! threw The Uru Ball-Peen Hammer Henry! to HtH.

"You wanna meet your dad? Fine. At least you have someone to talk to.'

Henry the BallPeen Hammer spoke.

"Hello, er, 'Greetings, my son.'" the hammer said sheepishly.

Hank the Hat looked at the hammer in horror. He narrowed his vision at Hail!

"Oh yeah, sister. Meet YOUR dad!"

Hank the Hat threw his gray fedora at the face of The Mighty Hail!, sending bits of meat
flying around the bar.
Hat the Hat spoke, his voice floating mysteriously in the air.

"Um, hi, sweetheart. Sorry I missed your birthday."

"Hat?" the hammer said.

"Hank?" the hat said.

"What the HELL happened to you?" they both said.

Hail! and Hank the Hat locked eyes. Then they rolled their eyes.

"Great," they both said.

J'ann looked away from the site of The Disgusting Family Reunion, and looked out the
window again. Her eyes locked on a large, Norse type man, flexing and fixing something
outside.

"Wow. Who's that? He's sort of cute," the Martian said.

OzBat took a sniff of the air.

"Eeeyuh. Smells like burnt cat in here," the confused Mite said.

Chapter Twenty-One: The Mite Was NOT Eaten!

by The Mighty Hank!

OzBat followed his nose, which pointed his head at a corner booth where The Mighty
Hail! seemed to be arguing with a Hat, where Hank the Hat seemed to be arguing with an
Uru Ball-Peen Hammer, and where J'ann seemed to have a glassy-eyed fix on
someone outside.

OzBat went pale when he realized that the burnt cat smells were coming from THEIR
table. And even more-so when he saw a bit of fur clinging to the side of Hail's mouth.

OzBat poured himself a double-shot scotch.

"Ooh. I'm gonna get it," the trembling Mite said.

Chapter Twenty-Two: Deadly departure (oh, hush, Grendel)

by Amazon

The 1600 block of J Street, NW, Washington, DC.

 Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

The mite shivered and tried to steady his hand as he ran his fingers through his hair.

OzBat simply poured himself another double-shot of scotch.

Hail ate a cat. Whose cat? Oh, Lord. Grendel's fury will know no bounds.

BatMite retrieved a wad of cash from his back pocket and flipped through the sizable
amount in his hand.

"Oz: c'mere. Go to the pet shop and get a nice black cat. No kitties, you hear? A fully
grown black cat. D'oh. Did Lucky wear a collar? Oh, whatever. Get what you can!"

OzBat gravely shook his head. "You know Grendel's still gonna figure it out."

"Just DO it!"

OzBat cast a doubtful look at Hail. "Are you sure that was Lucky on her plate?"

Joe Gallagher approached Amazon at her seat by the bar with Norm.

"Excuse me, do you know where Amazon would be?"

"You're looking at the one and only."

Joe Gallagher was a bit caught off guard and surveyed her.

"I ah thought you'd be attired in your standard red, white, and blue. My mistake."

"Would you like a drink or something before we go?"

"No. I'm sort of running behind and I've got to get back to the Avatar. There's a few things
you need to know. One: no cameras."

"I don't have one."

"Two: don't touch anything without my say so."

"Of course."

"Three: Don't enter any off-limits area."

"Understood."
"Four: no food or drinks," Joe Gallagher continued, "Because I'll be providing that for
you."

Amazon smiled and nodded on.

"Lastly, enjoy yourself!"

Amazon put her arm through his.

"Shall we go?"

Joe Gallagher escorted her to the door and swung it open.

"By all means, let's do."

And with that, they embarked onto a journey boldly taking Amazon where no woman has
ever gone before

Gallagher City.

Chapter Twenty-Three: Messin' with folks.

by kevrhon

kwilson glanced sideways at Amazon as she and Joe Gallagher walked by arm-in-arm
towards the door.

In a low voice he muttered "Well, you're not going out looking like that, are you?" but
Amazon was giddy as a school-girl, and would have none of what kwilson was selling.
She shot him a glance as she passed that by rights should have knocked him dead. He
shrugged,
petted the black cat he had concealed under his coat, and headed for the pool table.

kwilson mused to himself, "I wonder how you stir up trouble with an infinitude of
Rices?"

Just then, he remembered he hadn't yet contacted his father. He'd been distracted by
OzBat's story. He loved talking to an actual living member of the Pantheon out of the past
(his past, not the Mite's), but he knew that there'd be hell to pay if he didn't answer his
father's summons.

Returning to the corner near the phones, he again pulled the crystal out of his pocket. The
cat reached up one paw and took a tentative swat at the bauble. Realizing that it wasn't
that great a toy, Lucky curled back up in kwils' arm, and fell back asleep.
"You summoned me, oh great mystical Lord of Order?" Since his ascendancy, kevrhon
insisted on being addressed this way. kwilson thought it was a bit much, but he also knew
that if he ever wanted the Helmet of Fate and the power it possessed, he had to kiss some
serious Lord of Order heinie. Plus, he knew his dad could squash him like a bug.

"Yes, son, it is I, kevrhon. Lord of Order. Master of Mystical Energies. Traverser of

Dimensional Realms. Drinker of Beer. Could you bring home a case when you come?
Dinner's alsm almooos assll about ready."

Oh, great; the old man's drunk again. I gotta get a place of my own. Maybe one of the
other Pantheon kids could put me up for a while.

"Yeah, sure, Dad. Whatever."

Chapter Twenty-Four: Did I do THAT?

by The Jester

The Jester walked into the bar. He hadn't been paying attention.

He rubbed his head and cursed the metal bar sticking out from nowhere. Then he walked
into Grendel's.

"Haichi mama! What is this, attractive night? There are hundreds of handsome devils and
beautiful women here!"

"JESTER! I thought you weren't going to donate to all those sperm banks!"

"I didn't, Ozzie baby. This is an interdimensional joint. Maybe they're from an alternate
Earth. Pretty cool, though. WOW! Whoooo might the lovely tall lady with the hammer
be? Think you could introduce me? Rarrr!"

OzBat rolled his eyes.

"Fine then, I'll do it myself!" The Jester walked up to The Mighty Hail. "Hey there," he
said. "I couldn't help but notice you from across the room. I'd like to buy you a Hawaiian
Punch and we can talk."

TMHail looked at him, bent down to his face, and

"BRAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Exscuseth me!"

The Jester fell into her arms.

"I'm in love!"
 Chapter Twenty-Five: A bit of voyeurism
by Joe Gallagher

OzBat looked over at the man in the trench coat, then recognizing his face, said "Hey,
you must be Joe Gallagher's kid! How about a drink?"

The man walked over to the bar, put out his cigarette, and said "I'll take any drink you've
got, but I'm not Joe Gallagher's son. I'm Joe Galstantine."

"Oh, of course," said BatMite. What the heck, it's no more ridiculous than Hat and gail
having a kid, thought the mite as he poured the guy a drink.

"So," said the latest fractured image of the JGA, lighting a cigarette, "Was a guy like me
here lately? Only without the trench coat?"

"Yeah koff! and without the cigarette too."

"And did this handsome devil take a stroll around this fair city, or did he just swoop down
and swoop back up again?"

"I recall a lot more swooping than strolling," said Norm, who couldn't help but overhear
since he hadn't moved from his barstool in about a day. "Why, something wrong with this
Avatar guy? Amazon seemed to like him "

"Oh, there's nothing wrong with him, yet. But it would probably be best for everybody if
the Avatar, particularly the Joe Gallagher Avatar, didn't go strolling around this city."

"You got something against this town? Personally I prefer Boston, but since Cheers
closed it's been the best bar around."

"Nah, mate, there's nothing wrong with the town in general. It's just some of the statues in
this future version timeline." Then, putting out the rest of his cigarette and walking
toward the door, "Thanks for the drink. See you all later."

As the door swung shut, OzBat immediately bamfed the cigarette ashes into a parallel
dimension.

"I tell ya Norm, I don't mind the guys who are weird, vague, or interdimensional, but I
have a real problem with the smokers."

Outside the bar, Galstantine looked around. He regretted arriving after the JGA, but there
had been that whole thing in Calcutta In any case, everything still seemed normal. Had he
JGA taken Amazon for a walk two blocks down to the nearby park, they might have seen
a statue on a pedestal. The statue was of the JGA, and a large inscription on the pedestal
read:
 Gallagher City
To Our Eternal Shame
The statue existed in no other continuity that the Pantheon had seen, simply because no
other continuity had taken place in the future. Galstantine wondered what would have
happened if the JGA had actually seen the statue - at the very least, it would have put a
damper on the date.

Meanwhile, REALLY high above Ohio

The JGA and Amazon flew onward toward Gallagher City. Amazon turned to the JGA
and asked, "Why do you keep looking at your wristwatch?"

To which the JGA replied: "It's not a wristwatch. It's a portable television screen so that I
can check up on the different Joe Gallaghers running around the universe."

"Why Avatar, I never knew you were a peeping Tom! Or peeping Joe, even."

The JGA smiled. "I don't watch everything that happens, I just check up on people from
time to time. Look."

Amazon looked into the TV screen, which showed a man in a trench coat walking away
from the Grendel's Pond Bar & Grill they'd just left.

"Who's that?"

"That's one of the more troublesome guys, who thinks that he knows more than I do." He
paused, then mumbled, "Unfortunately, he's wrong "

"What?"

"Nothing. Look, there's Gallagher City "

Chapter Twenty-Six: Temporal anomalies (will we ever shake em?)

by OzBat!

J Street, Washington DC.

OzBat! was perplexed. Joe Galstantine and the JGA in the same place within minutes
of each other must be playing havoc with the time stream again. OzBat! could swear
that he was taking care of cigarette ash just a second ago, and yet, here he was, on his
way back from the pet shop with a dark blue tortoiseshell cat in a cage, bearing witness
to Galstantine two blocks down from the bar at a nearby park; and a statue on a
pedestal. The statue was of the JGA, and a large inscription on the pedestal read:

Gallagher City
To Our Eternal Shame

OzBat didn't worry overly about the statue existing in no other continuity that the
Pantheon had seen before. He was more worried about why he had apparently picked
up the wrong color cat.
It must be these damn time fluxes again. No WAY he would have made this mistake
under normal circumstances! And where did that alternate BatMite! come from?
More importantly, where did he get that kind of money to be able to splash out on
impostor puddy tats?

And how does OzBat get hold of that cash?

Knowing his luck, BatMite! wouldn't be at the bar by the time he returned. Which was
probably just as well. Too many alternate versions of the same person can really make
for one hell of a convoluted story line.

As long as the cat works out, everything should be fine

As OzBat! neared the bar, the cat seemingly changed color, becoming a long-haired
tabby, before reverting to a more normal gray stripe as they passed under a ladder near
the bar doors. Looks like Hat was trying to help TMH! get the sign straightened out at
last! Satisfied with his work, Hatman and The Mighty Hank folded up their tool kit and
ladder, and sauntered off for home to freshen up for the Elseworlds night.

***

In the bar, BatMite made sure that he'd spiked kwils drink with a bit of catnip, the better
to create a bit of good-natured havoc before he got booted out of this reality. As OzBat
floated past the front window, BatMite! took his cue, and bamfed out of the bar, the
better to leave continuities reasonably straight.

OzBat put the cat cage under the bar, picked up the Elseworlds night posters he'd
apparently left on the bar, and went outside to stick them on the display board.

And Lucky, filling a little bit chipper from stealing some of Kwils drink, went over to
make himself known to the lady behind and under the bar.

Chapter Twenty-Seven: With heroes like these

by Joe Grendel

Elsewhen.
The Land, south of the Summerlands.

The final, or first, region of the land was a blank plain known simply as the No-Land.
Green Lantern rings aside, it was the only region where the dimensional barriers were
thin enough to allow transit. Unfortunately, the fluxes that had sprung up in the region
made it
inhospitable to anyone attempting to settle there.

Grendel wasn't interested in putting down stakes. His objective was a rise atop the slowly
sloping hill: the Gateway. The path through which all the dreamers, druids and misfits
had all entered the Land, setting up communities where they saw fit.

It was a nice place to visit, in Grendel's mind, but no place to live. Too bland.

He and his horse rode through the Gateway and vanished in a burst of light. The horse's
hooves went from ringing upon gray stone to asphalt in a moment between heartbeats.

***

Meanwhile, back at the bar.

The Time-Space Cop Formerly Known As KevGog paused, his hand upon the White
Knight's shoulder.

The Jester was making kissy-faces at a still-gassy Mighty Hail. The Jester's pan-
dimensional progeny were busy arguing over whose turn it was at the pool table. OzBat
had just returned to the bar, replacing what clearly was a temporal duplicate who had left
just moments before. And there was that unholy yowling coming from under the bar

Shadowcat scowled at White Knight.

"These pin-heads inspired you?"

White Knight, a good man, a bit thick, but still a good man, nodded enthusiastically.
Shadowcat sighed.

"Why does this have to happen on my beat?"

Chapter Twenty-Eight: A brief musical interlude.

by Joe Grendel

The 1300 block of J Street.

Grendel walked out of Crazy Isaac's Horse Rental, his butt tingling from hours of horse
riding.
A figure stepped out of the shadows.

"Hey."

Grendel stopped, opening and closing his mouth a moment before regaining his
composure.

"Tupac."

They shook hands.

"So, it too late for Dead Rock Star Night?"

Grendel nodded slowly. He considered saying something, but thought better of it.

Tupac Shakur just looked at him, a sour look on his face. He sighed.

"Live by the gat, die by the gat, huh?"

Grendel looked ill.

Tupac looked up and down the street with exaggerated casualness.

"I wonder if you'd mind finding the guy who did this "

"It doesn't matter, 2Pac."

The rapper narrowed his eyes, then nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah." He reached out to shake Grendel's hand again, then changed his mind,
scratching his chin instead. "See you when I see you, homes."

As Grendel watched the late 25-year-old singer walk down the street, toward his final
destination, he couldn't suppress a little shiver

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Suddenly, a phone rang out!

by kevrhon

kwilson thrust the crystal sphere back into his pocket and turned back toward the bar.
He was stopped suddenly by the ringing of the phone on the wall. He picked up the
handset, listened for a moment, then stepped around the corner with the phone pressed
against his chest.

"Hey, OzBat, it's for you. A Dr. Phillip Nitschke. Says he can help you with your
problems?"
The Wonder from Down-Under froze. Since Jack Kervorkian had hung up his tights,
Nitschke had donned the gray-and-black garb of one of the Pantheon's grimmest foes:
Dr. Death! As Australia's last line of defense against the bizarre and inexplicable,
OzBat had on more that one occasion crossed swords with the Doctor.

"Tell him I'm not here. Tell him you haven't seen me. Tell him I'm already dead."

This didn't sound to kwilson like the Pantheon his dad had described. He looked
quizzically at OzBat, then his face fell. His dream of carrying on a noble tradition was
crumbling.

OzBat saw the reaction his reflexive outburst had caused, and caught himself. The bar
was silent, all faces turned his way.

He shook his head, and with a sigh hopped up on the bar, thrust out his chest and
asked boldly "Where is he?"

kwilson turned his attention to the phone for a second and responded.

"Northern Territory."

"Oh, sure, he's not breaking the law there. Well it's a good thing he's not here right now,
or I'd perform a little malpractice on his medical @$$!"

The assembled bar patrons cheered at this show of bravado. Many applauded as
kwilson turned back to the phone.

"He says you're a big doo-doo ca-ca head!" kwilson shouted into the mouthpiece, and
quickly hung up the phone.

So. This hero stuff's not so tough. Hell, you can phone it in.

Chapter Thirty: Time to get down to business

by Aquaman!

J Street.
Grendel's.

A sign in the window read: "Elseworlds Night: Children of the Pantheon Welcome."

Kwilson hung up the phone and proceeded to brag what a big hero he was to all the
JJs (junior Jesters). After all, they were so drunk they would listen to him!
Suddenly, the ever-morphing Siamese cat in the cage howled. The howl went
something like this: "YYYYYOOOOOWWWWWWLLLLLL-HHHHHHIIIIIISSSSS-
ROOOOWWWWRRR!"

Oh, you get the idea.

Then, the door creaked open. The door never creaked before this. Everyone was
scared out of their wits. They expected a dark, menacing figure to enter the bar they
were wrong it was much worse

They heard a giggle. No, two simultaneous giggles. Two women entered. One was
noticeably older than the other, and the younger one bore a strange resemblance to a
certain kissy-kissy-fish-lips that everyone knew.

"Oh God! No. No, say it's not happening. Don't tell me AQ went and reproduced!" OzBat
was still muttering when the two hopped up to the bar.

"Hi. *g* You guys are Paul's friends? *g*" the older one said, and said it annoyingly.

"If you mean Aquaman, well, the Pantheon and he are rather strained right now, you
see, he's raising an army to defeat us. I think he's procrastinating though, because we
haven't heard from him in a while. OW!" Ozzy said as he kicked the cat. The brown and
white Tabby had reached through the bars of its cage and scratched his leg.

"Hehehehe, You're FUNNY! *g*" said the younger one. Why did these two giggle after
everything they said? Were they coming on to OzBats?

"Listen, we gotta advance the story could you please say what you have to say about
yourselves and move into the background?" the annoyed Imp declared.

"Listen, jerkwad, we wanted to have cybersex with you, but you just blew your
opportunity! We're never e-mailing you again!"

What the Hell are they talking about? thought OzBat. Then, he realized that the older one
was having a traumatic flashback.

"Oh, Aquaman! You said you just wanted to be friends! Bet you never imagined that our
one night together at the State of Insanity could result in a child, did you?" This WAS an
Elseworlds event, after all. AQ would never have cybersex behind Dolphin's back!

"Man, this is getting a little too nuts for me! I wish Grendel were here to deal with this!
He always was better at Elseworlds Night." the Mitey OzBat thought.

"I'm sorry about my mom. *g* Her name is Annah, and she's just a little depressed about
Dad. *g* I'm nothing like her, though. *g* I can make you really happy! *L*" the
younger
one chimed in.

"Oh, f'r the luva Listen, you see that guy over there? His name is Jester, and he's
looking for a good time!" said the Mite.

"R-Really?" Annah perked up. "C'mon, Aqua-Annah! Lets go get us some of THAT! *g*"
And, with another annoying giggle, they bounced to the pool table.

"Thank God." whispered the Bartender fill-in.

"Now we can get to the point of the whole blamed thread Why are all the Pantheon
kids at the bar tonight?"

Chapter Thirty-One: Getting Down!

by White Knight

The White Knight turned his head towards the troubled imp.

"That's easy, noble Imp. I got an 'Open Bar at Grendel's Pond' invitation on the mail
last knight, sorry, night. Here, look."

He took the invitation out of his armor and showed it to the puzzled barkeep. Everyone
next to the Knight and close to the bar said that they too had those invitations.

"Art thou inquiringh abouth thy invitations? Aye, I hath one of thoseth too" The Mighty
Hail screamed from the end of the room and she finished up with a loud belch.

OzBat! took the invitation and read it and he couldn't believe it. Everything looked legit,
from the Grendel's logo to the merry slogan at the bottom "A Bar and Grill from here to
Eternity."

"Yes, they look like our invitations. But unless Grendel himself delivers them, we don't
have open bars. What is going on?"

Suddenly, the lights went out and everything went dark (obviously).

"I got the feeling that we are about to find out" shrugged Kwilson.

Chapter Thirty-Two: Not Quite! (Tainted Love Child)

by The Scarlet Rob

Just as suddenly, the lights flickered back on again.

"Sorry!" Bat-Mite: Warrior apologized. "I forgot I can't run the blender and the
microwave at the same time without tripping the breaker!"

Pandemonium reigned in the bar. The Scarlet Rob had not seen the Pond so crowded
before, and as he hated crowds he had his fading power turned up full blast. So far it
had worked: No one had seen him.

He squeezed past a throng of costumed adolescents, all with vaguely similar features,
just as one of them was saying, "I suggest we call ourselves the Jester's League of
America!"

(Rob's note: I stole that from the origin of the Inferior Five, but I had to.)

TSRob looked around and wondered if he'd ever persuade Grendel to spruce the place
up a bit maybe go with a tropical theme. Too bad, in a way, that Disco's evil scheme
had failed

He headed toward the bar to see if he could wander off with a beer while Bat-Mite,
OzBat!, and Bat-Mite: Warrior fought over who was actually on the schedule for tonight.

"Hurrrrkkkk! " He smacked into something about stomach-high and doubled over.
Well, at least it wasn't the darn cape again. Flailing about to steady himself, he
inadvertently grabbed a tall green woman's harness?

"I'm telling you, kwilson," she began angrily, then mindspoke: *Oh. Sorry. Reflex. Here,
let me help you up!*

"No harm done," he proffered as she vanished in the crowd. He wondered if he could
get away with wearing a harness like that nah, he'd probably have to start doing
sit-ups. Returning his attention to the mysterious barrier, he saw a long, pink tube?
stretching through the crowd. As he watched, it retracted from the vicinity of the bar with
mug of draft beer in its hand?

This was getting really strange. TSRob followed the beer-toting hand through the
crowd. At last it shored up on the arm of a dark-haired young man in shocking pink with
a pair of dark goggles perched atop his huge, rather beaklike nose.

"Dad!" he cried out.

Dad? Now there was something The Scarlet Rob never expected to hear.

"Excuse me? Have we met?" Why did the strangers in this bar always seem to
recognize him?

"Dad, it's me, Larry, your future adopted son! But I'm in costume now, so you should call
me The Pink Flamingo!"
Adopted? Well, that sounded more plausible.

"I'm actually the secret love child of Plastic Man and Black Canary!"

Plastic Man? Well, that explained the bootless, shoeless, toeless feet

and Black Canary? Well, that explained the tasteless fishnet must be something in
the genes.

"See, way I heard it, Pops, Mom was still rebounding from that Birds of Prey dude when
she met up with Plas in JLA. Seems some goofy editor decided unwed motherhood
would suit her new 'bimbo' image, but then he found out Ms. Marvel and Power Girl had
already tried it with lamentable results. Thing is, they forgot to tell Mom the deal was off,
so when she started to show, they had to hide her out on Themiscyra to avoid bad
press (friggin' journalists)! Then I was born, and Themiscyran Social Services decided
the best solution would be to place me with a little-known super-hero in a committed
relationship.

"Gee, Dad, you're kinda quiet," The Pink Flamingo observed. "I hope I haven't upset
you "

"Uh, no no it's just a lot to absorb um, son! (Whew!) But what are you doing
here?"

"Actually, I was looking for you! See, I'm getting married soon, and my fiancie and I
thought it would be a real hoot if you were to give me away!"

"Oh. Well, I don't see how anyone could possibly object to that nothing like tradition at
a wedding but, hey, congratulations son! Tell me more about your fiancie!"

"Dad, her name's Josie Gallagher! I think you'll like her she's kind of an amazon, but
she's really cute! And she's nearsighted, like you! Just one thing, though please don't
mention her eternal shame!"

"Oh uh, no of course not say, something around her is giving me an allergy attack!
(Almost like cats nah!) You wanta get outta here? We can talk more over uh, fishing,
or tossing a few hoops, or something."

"Sure thing, Dad!"

The two crimson (sorta) crusaders made their way to the door, passing kwilson, who
appeared to be fiddling with something in his pants.

TPFlamingo couldn't resist.

"Hey, is that a magic crystal your pocket, or are ya just glad to see me? BWAH-HA-HA-
HA-HAAAAAA!"

("Jerkface!" kwilson thought. "Hey, who's that babe in the fish outfit?")

TSR and TPF ducked outside literally, ducked, as Bat-Mite and Bat-Mite: Warrior
were flung out right behind them, before disappearing with a double BAMF!

"And stay out!" shouted OzBat. "Now," he continued, turning to the White Knight. "What
were you saying about those invitations?"

Suddenly, the lights went out again.

"Durnit!" OzBat! shouted. "Somebody's running the jukebox and the Kingdom Come
video game at the same time!"

Oh, OzBat! You should be so lucky!

Chapter Thirty-Three: Potshots in the Dark

by The Jester

"OK, WHO DID IT? "

"It wasn't us, this time, we swear!" the Jester's League of America said in eerie unison.

"Ok, but what about the original? JESTER!"

"Huh? What?" The Jester snapped out of his love-sick dreamy haze. "Someone say my
name? Was it you, O Lovely Hail?"

"No, it was ME: The Lovely OzBat! I was going to ask you if you turned the lights out,
but
you don't seem to be in the mind to have done it."

"You can say that again! He's in no mind to do ANYthing!" said AQ!'s spurned
cyberlover and progeny.

OzBat was getting angry.

"Well, then, who did it?"

"'Twas I!" said a menacing figure in the doorway. The crowd gasped.

"Who are you?" OzBat inquired, ready for the worst.

"I am um, Light Turner-Offer Man! Fear me!"

"Fear you? With a name like that?"

"That's what I get for thinking I could think of a cool name on the spot, I suppose. Still,
this bar is now mine! Give me all your money! Wait. Why are you all dressed up like
that? Oh, no. What bar is this?"

"'Tis Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill!" TMHail! said.

"Grendel's Po home of the Pantheon?"

"Yep. That one," Hank the Hat said grimly.

"Oooooooh noooooo."

In two seconds, mayhem ensued.

Chapter Thirty-Four: Luck Be A Kitty Tonight

by The Mighty Hank!

As the bar erupted into chaos, OzBat calmly washed glasses and ducked flying debris.
As he ducked under the bar, his vision caught the site of the strange, polymorphing cat
that he'd bought earlier.

"Mereow," the kitty said.

Looking up, the Mite noticed that The Mighty Hail! had leapt up from her corner booth
seat with Hank the Hat. Each was still screaming at their respective polymorphed
father. The Mitey OzBat noticed Lucky leap from Hail!'s lap as she leapt into battle.

"Whew," said the Mite. He looked down at the strange, polymorphing kitty.

"Guess I don't need you then, huh?" The Mite went to pick up the cat. The strange kitty
hissed, then clawed at The Mite.

"Grrr reeeowr Mreoow," the kitty squealed.

Puzzled, OzBat backed off.

"OK, cat, whatever," he said, turning his attention back to the glasses and flying
debris.

And the cat, if cats could, smiled a wicked grin.

 ***

Lucky WAS in heaven.

Unfortunately, the bar had exploded into mayhem. Very typical for Grendel's Pond.
Here, there were always strange goings on by strange folks in strange clothes. But, he'd
managed to find the lap of a 7'0" tall warrior/Supermodel, and was generally in heaven.
She kept feeding him bits of meat from a furry-sabretoothed octopus that she'd caught
out of hunger earlier.

Lucky Kitty.

But NOW, Hail! was in the midst of battle, and had dumped onto the floor. Lucky was
not happy. Grendel never dumped him on the floor. Guess you just can't trust
supermodel types. Lucky went about licking his crotch, left leg stuck straight in the air.

That's when he heard it.

Another cat. Grendel would never get another cat. Probably that damn mite.

The polymorphing kitty spoke to the Mite.

(The following is translated from cat.)

"Fool. Stupid, ignorant fool. Little do you realize who I am! It was I that let the bothans
know about the construction of the DeathStar at Endor. No, no, wait a second. Wait, I'm
the ageless Wizard David Copperfield, he who has turned Hank! into a hammer and
Hat! into a Hat! He who has created all of this mayhem and chaos! He who has made
things such higgledy-piggledy! Granted, I'm a cat now, but that will soon change!"

The Mite said some stupid thing in non-cat, then went to pick up David Copperfield, the
Wizard.

"Baack from me, insolent whelp I am DAVID COPPERFIELD, the Wizard! Granted, I
look small, but I'm fierce! get back, or I'll bite you! Yeah, be afraid. Once I've turned
back into human form, I shall kill kwilson then steal the helmet of Fate from my dread
enemy, kevrhon. The only one who could stop me is kwilson. And he's a joke."

The Mite backed away from the cat.

Lucky went back to licking himself. Not his concern. Let the super-heroes deal with it. At
least ONE of them had to speak cat, right?

Right?

Lucky licked himself, getting a cold feeling that only HE knew what was going on.
 Chapter Thirty-Five: Home is the bartender.
by Joe Grendel

The 1600 block of J Street, Northwest, Washington, DC.

After a cold September, Indian Summer had arrived in Washington with a vengeance.
Grendel rolled up the sleeves of his long-sleeved maroon T-shirt. It was a good choice for
the cool winds of the Winterlands, but back home on J Street, it was a little much.

Ah well, he'd just pop into his apartment (upstairs above the bar, accessible through the
'back room') and change into one of his Hawaiian shirts. He hadn't put them away yet for
the winter, and they were cleaned and pressed.

He sighed happily. The vacation had done him good. Nothing but hanging out with
friends. Seeing Grace and Kriffer, especially, was nice. And Borelli's kid aside, it was
nice to have no crises to deal with, no super-villains, no chaos.

He stopped outside the bar, checking his hair in the reflection of the mirror.

Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

Well, the sign looked nice. Hank did good work.

It was twilight, and the lights seemed to still be off inside. Wait, now they were on. Now
they were off again. Now they were back on. Couldn't they at least have given him one
calm day back?

He slapped the front door open with one hand.

"All right, what's going on around here?"

Chapter Thirty-Six: Feline duplicity.

by kevrhon

kevrhon smiled his smug, self-satisfied smile. All was going more or less according to
plan. OK, the cat he had sent in to off Lucky had failed in it's first objective. And
Copperfield was supposed to be undercover taking Lucky's place to infiltrate the Junior
Pantheon. Kind of hard to do when constantly changing breed and color. But it had
improvised nicely, suggesting that it's true mission was to capture Fate's helmet, thus
diverting attention away from the true villains in this piece, the Junior Pantheon.

The Pantheon had to destroy their off-spring. They were an anomaly that couldn't be
allowed to survive. The Pantheon had formed out of a commonality. None of these
people had lives outside the Pantheon. The existence of sons and daughters
suggested that they had found lives outside the Pantheon. Had married, had children,
adopted, raised families. It meant the end of the Pantheon as it had been. This sort of
change was unacceptable, and an abomination. kevrhon, on behalf of the Pantheon, had
formed a covert cell known as W.E.T.R.A.T.S., that Wanted Everything To Remain
Always The Same.

Copperfield, as well as other as-yet-unrevealed operatives, would help to ensure this.

kevrhon smiled his smug, self-satisfied smile, rubbed his hands, and chuckled in spite
of himself.

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Fate takes a Drink!

by The Mighty Hank!

kevrhon then turned to his crystal shard of Ormaagu, and dialed up Dr. Death II.

"Are you ready, Dr. Death?" asked the mystical lord.

"Yes, yes, I'm ready. Do you have the $250?" inquired Dr. Death over the crystal.

"You get it after you do the job," kevrhon hissed.

"Oh, to work for so little. I get AT LEAST $1200 in the Northern--"

"Stuff it, Dr. Death. Just go to work."

"Right. Right. Remember my card! I'm on my way to the bar now."

"Fine. Fine. Just hurry up," and kevrhon flicked the crystal away from the image of Dr.
Death II.

Yes, thought kevrhon, hurry-up and take care of that nincompoop of a son of mine, and
his little, time-anomaly buddies.

kevrhon took a drink of brandy. One of these days, these time-conundrums will end.

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Now and Forever ...

by The Scarlet Rob

"Boss!" OzBat! cried out, startled. "I forgot you were coming back today!"

Unfortunately, everyone had forgotten Light Turner-Offer Man as well!

"The poor, blind fools," the Sultan of Switchplate Skullduggery cackled gleefully under
his breath. "So easily fooled by my deliberately feigned incompetence! As if any of the
dark agents of kevrhon could be so worthless!"

So saying, the Beast of Blackouts slipped past a young man in an overcoat, one hand still
writhing convulsively in his pocket, and located the color-changing cat that housed the
malicious spirit of David Copperfield, Wizard of unimaginable power! Reaching into the
deepest pocket of his weapons belt, the Lucifer of Lost Light produced a second cat, this
one a dark longhair with big buckteeth and thick whiskers, and set it down beside the
first. They began to circle each other warily, mewling and hissing in Catspeak.

"Hail, evil one!" purred the newcomer. "It is I, Doug Henning, Sorcerer, sent by the evil
one, kevrhon himself, to aid the launch of his unspeakably evil plan..."

From across the bar, Lucky watched the hell-cats warily. He began to think his pet, Joe
Grendel, might be in deep litter.

Chapter Thirty-Nine: See the shadow of a stranger ...

by White Knight

White Knight ignored his second Grendels Rotgut for an instant and turned his gaze
towards the yutz hissing and meowing at the end of the bar.

"Man." he thought. "I will not order what he is ordering" He turned around and continued
chatting with Kwilson, but something on the back of his mind kept bugging him.
Then he remembered. "I know that cat-speaker. Its The Sorcerer. What is he doing
here? Last time I saw him, he was trapped within the Yellow Bands of Redpakk." He took
a sip of the Rotgut "Whatever the reason, hes up to no good. Id best prepare myself."
He put his drink down and slowly stood up.

"Ill be right back," he said to Kwilson and walked towards the row of pay phones. He
drew his hair back and put on his mystic helmet. It enabled him to perceive mystical
energies used to conceal someones appearance, polymorph and shrink. He lowered his
visor, activating the helmet.

"My God!" he thought. Inside the bar there were at least seven individuals using mystical
cloaking: one of them was a cat, which sat on a mat ... and he could hear the cat talk! The
strangers were heavily armed. White Knight used his helmet to locate J'ann.

He had a feeling she would shed some light on the subject. He found her and approached.

"Pardon me, lady, but I need your help." Using her telepathical abilities, J'ann quickly
understood what was on the White Knights mind. She scanned the intruders thoughts and
turned a shade paler than her usual military green.
*I cant believe what that no-good Kevrhon wants to do to us and his kid* she psi-speaked
to the Knight. *Talk about bad parenting*

"I know. But what are we going to do?"

*I have a plan* psi-said J'ann. *Well need some help*

"Ill say! You cooked up the plan just now?"

*I have a deal with the author of this version, so yes, I have a plan. So, are you in?*

"Sure Im in. Ill call the reinforcements. Hey, Jester, TMH!, TMHail, Green Alxuffasch,
come here. We got something to talk about."

*And dont forget Lucky. Hes the key to the success of this caper.*

"Those guys will never know what hit them!" snickered the White Knight.

Two minutes later, even TMHank was laughing out loud.

"Verily, thou hath a magnificent scheme. We must starth this minuteth!" Lucky was the
least impressed with the plan and continued licking himself.

"OK, gang, lets do it."

Chapter Forty: A Kiss before dying.

by White Knight

Just when they were ready to pounce the no-goodniks, someone knocked at the door.
White Knight and the rest froze in their places.

OzBat! bamfed next to the door and opened.

"Yes?"

"Hi, we're the band that you hired for tonights celebration" said one man partially
covered by the door.

"We didnt hire any band." replied OzBat! and started to close the door.

"But ... but ... but ..."said the man outside. "You already paid us. Look at the receipt. This
place is Grendels Pond Bar and Grill, isnt it?"

OzBat! studied the slip of paper. Not again he thought.

"Yes, this is the place, and yes, that is the Boss's signature. And if you say someone paid
you, come in."

He opened the door and let the four men in.

Almost no one took notice of the four strangers, except for the fact that they were slightly
smaller than The Mighty Hank! They walked to the stage and unpacked their instruments.
One set of drums, two guitars and one bass. They plugged their instruments and switched
the microphones on. Then, they turned around. The White Knight almost fell from the
surprise. The bands faces were completely white, except for some kind of personalized
symbols painted around their eyes and mouths. They had seven-inch leather heels and
wore magnificent black leather costumes. Their lead singer, a guy with a black star
painted over his right eye, came to the microphone and spoke.

"Good night, people. Is everyone having a good time?"

"Yes!" they all clapped.

"Good. Well have some rock and roll light up your night! Any requests?"

The White Knight found his tongue.

"Its Kiss! The hottest band in the world!" He quickly ran to the already forming front
row.

Ozbat! recognized the group, too, and bamfed. When he reappeared, he had his face
painted white and had the eyes and the whiskers of the Catman, the bands drummer.

"Yeah! Long live Kiss!" he shouted.

"Well begin with a little something called 'Kingdom Come City.' Hit it Peter!" The
drummer hit his sticks three times one against the other "One, two, three ..." and they
began playing.

(MUSIC FROM DETROIT ROCK CITY)

I feel up tight, its Saturday night.

Nine Oclock, and the modems the only light.
I write my posts and I send them through.
Read some posts, to know other stories too!

-chorus-
Get up,
everybodys gonna read your things,
Get down
everybodys gonna laugh to bits!
Were gonna blow your mind mind in Kingdom Come City!
-repeat chorus-

Getting late, I just cant quit.

two oclock and I know I gotta go to th job!
One more read, then Im gone!
Start the car, Ill try to make the morning go!

-repeat chorus-
Moving fast, doing 2.3!
hit top speed, still loading much too slow!
I feel so good, Im so alive!
I read more posts, right on the Kingdom Board!
-repeat chorus-

five oclock, I gotta go!

Theres some luck ahead, I see many more new posts!
Oh, my God, no time to boot!
I got to go, but I know Im gonna be back!
Why?

-repeat chorus-

The White Knight morphed his broad sword into a Stratocaster and joined Kiss on stage,
helping out with some complicated riffs. OzBat! bamfed and reappeared with a keyboard
and collaborated also. (Even Kwilson took a guitar and danced like Chuck Berry) the
room was filled with a lot of good rock and Roll fans, having a good time.

Two Hours passed.

Even the most grim crime fighter or concealed thug sang until their throats couldnt take it
any more. (Hey, Karaoke is allowed in Grendels!)

The crowd went wild song after song ...

Chapter Forty-One: Need to be wrapping this up, folks.

by The Jester

The Jester danced with TMHail! Actually, he was dancing and she was drinking. kwilson,
Hank the Hat, The Jester's League, the other offspring, TMHank!, and White Knight were
all in one corner of the bar. They were about to strike. Suddenly, David Copperfield leapt
into the air and hissed.

"Aye, that verily be our signal, good sir Jester!" TMHank! said.
"Okeedokee." The two pulled bizarre contraptions out. Hank! went nuts on the Jester's
League. Sparks would fly from their contraptions and the kids disappeared one by one.
David Copperfield morphed into his true form and did likewise to kwilson.

"JESTER? I thought you loved me!" TMHail! said, panicked. Nevertheless, he zapped
her into non-existence. Soon HtH, J'ann, and the other offspring were all gone. TSR came
and
said his adopted son was no more.

The White Knight looked, aghast.

"You ... just killed your offspring! Are you ... going to kill me?"

And then, kevrhon and ShadowCat appeared.

Chapter Forty-Two: Degeneration (The end)

by Joe Grendel

White Knight backed up against the Wurlitzer (unplugged during Kiss' performance), his
broad sword between him and the Pantheon.

"That's ENOUGH!" Grendel snarled, flinging the Jester aside, and lowering the Mighty
Hank's! mighty fist. "Only I get to open cans of whup-@$$ around here!"

Shadowcat stalked over to Grendel, waving a meaty finger under his nose.

"This, this is YOUR fault! You encourage this sort of interdimensional chaos, what with
your damn theme nights, your invasions of other worlds ... "

"We're never going to hear the end of that, are we?"

"... And chaos, anarchy and interdimensional destruction is what you reap!"

Kevrhon cleared his throat.

"Uh, Shadowcat, we did manage to fix everything just fine."

The i-cop whirled angrily.

"That's not the POINT! Don't you know what you risked? I don't know about anybody
else, but I am personally sick, sick, SICK of retconns!"

The Pantheon shrugged and nodded at this.

Shadowcat turned back to Grendel.

"This is your final warning. One more incident like this, and I'm shutting your bar down!"
He turned and marched out the door, receiving one-finger salutes behind his back from
Grendel, OzBat and Hank.

Shadowcat stopped and turned slowly around, fire in his eyes.

"And you smart-asses will be the ones to pay the consequences, have no question about
that ..."

Everyone looked at one another.

Gene Simmons coughed quietly.

"Uh?"

Grendel nodded.

"Go ahead and play. White Knight, what do you drink?"

Chapter Forty-Three: Epilogue

by Joe Gallagher
Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

Norm stepped outside the bar. He had been forced out not by the hordes of Jester
offspring, not by the freakish group of mimes that played some form of rock music, not
by the general chaos that accompanied a usual day at Grendel's, but by something more
terrible and frightening than all these and a pack of wild Chihuahuas.

OzBat was closing the bar for the night.

As Norm took a look around at the peaceful night around him, he saw Amazon looking
up into the sky and waving. Following her gaze, he saw a figure floating in the air that
waved back, then turned and flew off into the night sky.

Norm called out, "Hey, Amazon!"

Amazon turned and smiled. "NORM! Did I miss anything?"

Norm thought back on the banter, beatings and brawls that he'd just witnessed. "Nope,
just another day at Grendel's. Soooo ... how was your big date with that Avatar guy?"
Looking back into the sky Amazon said, "It was wonderful. It was so cool to see
Gallagher City from the inside! Gallagher City is so cool! It's like New York, Boston,
Rome, and Astro City all rolled into one, all in this big glass dome in the sky. It even has
another Grendel's Bar & Grill in it!"

"That's weird," said Norm. "I thought that this was the only one."

"Well, the Avatar said that he had an understanding with the owner. And get this: They
actually served food there! And then we flew around the city, and went dancing, and
watched the sun come up over the earth's horizon ..."

Just then Amazon was interrupted when a postal truck pulled up. Cliff stuck his head out
and yelled "Heyyyuuhh, Normy, we'veuuhh gotta get going again. Mothuh Claven hates
for me to stay up this late."

"Yeah, yeah Cliffy!" yelled Norm. Then turning to Amazon, "Well, sounds like a good
time. Maybe I'll take Vera there sometime." Laughing, Norm boarded the postal truck and
the two barflies drove off.

Amazon stood a moment longer, looking up into the night sky. She hadn't even told Norm
the best part about the tour: When the Avatar had let her see how the KCMB photo was
coming along. Not all of the characters were visible or ready besides one person the
Avatar called "Jonah", but he had prepared a preview for her by putting together what
finished bits and pieces of the Pantheon's images that he had. She looked down at the
folded paper hidden in the palm of her hand, then unfolded it and once again looked at
the souvenir that the Avatar had given her. He said that it was a way for her to always
remember him, but she thought that the night had been pretty unforgettable even without
the photo.

Amazon smiled, folded the paper again, and began walking home. Someday, we've got to
do this again.

The End
Drive carefully!