Pantheon Comics #6:

"The Coming"
digest by Joe Grendel

[Hi guys, Joe Grendel here. Wow, that election story went well, didn't it? I think that's
what this series has been missing: character development. I got really tired of stories
where everything was the same at the end as it was at the beginning, and

Friend Joseph?

Yes, Hank?

I hope you will not begrudge me a complaint about the epic just past.

Uh, no. Shoot, Sparky.

There wasn't any smiting.

No, no there wasn't.

How canst the Pantheon cover itself in glory without the opportunity to smite our foes?
How can we earn our place at Odin's mead-hall, Valhalla, without proving ourselves on
the field of battle? How can

I get the point. We need smiting. Hmmm. Aquaman wants to do something about the
nature of heroism and why the Pantheon are heroes. Heck, he wants to see them acting
heroic.

A wise monarch, that Aquaman. Pity he stinks like rotten fish.

Well put. Of course, hes also done something rather bold, maybe even reckless: Hes
written two chapters, out of sequence, for this story. Theyre pretty dramatic, but it might
be hard to get to them.

Ah, a quest! Fear not, the Pantheon is up to the challenge!

So, how about we make everybody happy? Let's try a story with character development,
intelligent writing, heroism,

And smiting. Don't forget the smiting.

Wouldn't dream of it. ]

 Chapter One: A new day on J Street
by Joe Grendel

If J Street were connected to conventional time and space the way respectable
thoroughfares are, today would be November 6, 1996.

In any case, it was the day after Election Day.

After a contentious, and surprise-filled election, two superheroes, Jason Borelli, the
Green Lantern of J Street and mope, were elected mayor and deputy mayor. Although
Borelli had campaigned on a platform of keeping things the same, his deputy mayor
seemed to have other plans. Things were going to change.

In some quarters, they already had begun to.

***

A door-less, window-less tower on J Street.

Marital Bliss finished rinsing the plate and handed it to her left.

"Can he do that?"

kevrhon wiped the plate with a dish rag.

"I checked. The position of I-cop is traditionally passed on by the current badge-holder.
And get this, I'd still report to the Lords of Order. They apparently were Shadowcat's
bosses all along."

Marital Bliss grunted noncommittally.

"Wouldn't you have to keep an eye on your friends? Could you really take them down if
need be?"

She passed him a bowl.

"Yeah, I could. And hopefully, as part of the Pantheon, I could keep there from being a
problem to start with."

They washed dishes in silence for several minutes.

"Well," Marital Bliss said at last, "Since you can fly, does this mean I get to drive the
Humvee?"

***
Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill.

gail finished Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" and grinned at the applause from the audience.

"Thanks, thanks. I'd like to sing an original song now, written by my song-writing
partner,
J'onn!"

The Martian, sitting at a table with his tall, green fianci, nodded politely.

"Did you finish with the bathroom?" Joe Grendel said, without looking up from beneath
the bar, where he and the Mighty Hank! were flushing the beer tap lines.

"Yes," OzBat growled. "How long you reckon you're gone keep me working this hard?"

"Don't know," Grendel's voice came from beneath the bar. "How many hours did you take
off without my permission for that silly election thing?"

"Well," Hank's voice rumbled, "He did get in the race after Borelli got a hold of that
photograph OW! Never mind."

"Go bus some tables, OzBat."

***

The corner of 22nd and J Street, NW

The illusion-casting snake slid to a halt.

*Don't I know you?*

"No," the man replied, looking away.

*Sure I do. You own that bar *

Her telepathic message, and her head, were cut off by a whirring sword stroke.

"Not now I don't," the Joe Grendel of the DC Universe said, as he wiped Sneckie's blood
off on a discarded newspaper, "But I will. Just as soon as the Pantheon is out of the way."

Chapter Two: Sharp as a serpents fang!

by White Knight
Located on the non-existent J street, Grendels is just the place where things out of the
ordinary are everyday things. A place where time and space do no run like on Earth, and
the laws of physics are a joke. Like I said, a place out of the ordinary. For instance, today:

"Now, hear me out," Joe Grendel said. "I want you to put on these little headbands so a
certain green-skinned Martian cannot pierce our thoughts."

He gave a band to each Pantheoneer around.

"Ye Gods! I refuse to wear this cumbersome headgear on mine head! tis unbecoming of
the scion of Asgaard!"

"Yeah! Do you have a blue one? Kinda matches my uniform," replied OzBat!

"Pipe down and listen. I want to give J'onn a surprise Bachelor party "

"Like the one we gaveth yon Superman? Likable fellow."

"Yes, Hank, kind of like that. So, Im planning to give it tomorrow night and I dont want
him eavesdropping," he looked at OzBat, "or someone blowing our cover by broadcasting
his thought through all the psychic plane."

OzBat looked around and whistled.

White Knight, looking silly with the headband on top of his helmet said "OK, Grendel,
what do you need for the party?"

"Im getting to that"

***

Outside Grendels.

The Joe Grendel of the DC Universe looked inside the bar. He saw the merry bunch
laughing and taking notes about J'onns upcoming party.

His hands itched and trembled. They hungered for his sword and the feeling of flesh
being skewered. Killing the snake was not enough, they wanted the Pantheon. Demons!
how did they wanted it.

Then he saw Joe.

For a minute he thought his eyes had met his, but he soon looked at Hatman and tossed
him a napkin. Hatman, embarrassed, wiped his nose.
"Foolish and pathetic idiots. There is no way in Hell theyll live after Im through with
them."

He turned around and left.

"There are so many to kill and so little time. Ah! To slay, perchance to kill!"

He was in good spirits for the first time in many years.

The time to bury the Pantheon had come.

Chapter Three: AQ's big scoop

by mope

Aquaman is a Pantheoneer of many talents, that can surely be said. Not only does he
reign over a great subaquatic realm and participate in great heroic adventures as a
member of the
Pantheon, but he also has a day job as a reporter! And so, here AQ is today, back to work
after a day off. And he needed it, after that week with no sleep during the elections.

AQ: Oh! I forgot to check my e-mail!

Among his usual batch of junk-mail from list-servs he keeps forgetting to unsubscribe
from was the following message:

To: Aquaman@atlantis.org
From: DeepThroat2@anonymous.com
Time: 10:42 EST -500
Subject: Your big scoop, fishboy

The story of the year is waiting for you. I cannot reveal to you who I am, but I can supply
to you certain bits of information that certain parties in the high reaches of J Street
government would prefer were kept unknown.

There is a package for you at the bottom of the Potomac near the Jefferson Memorial. It
is chained to a brick, with a small beacon, so if you hurry, you should be able to find it
before somebody else does

So hurry, Lefty!

deep throat's little brother

Aquaman logged off, locked up the office, and ran for the river
 Chapter Four: Darkness gathering
by Joe Grendel

The CBMBU.
Australia.

Shielding his face with his hands, he wiped at his tears with his black gloves.

"How do I know you haven't killed them?"

"You don't. What you do know is that your family'll be dead for certain if you don't do
exactly what I want."

Dr. Death II looked up.

"What do you want me to do, Joe?"

He suffered a tooth-jarring right cross.

"Don't call me that. Call me what Neron did: Nemesis." Grendel pulled at his green-and-
black uniform, his slim sword held to his back by a white strap. His blonde hair was
close-cropped, his eyes hidden behind wrap-around sunglasses. "And don't get any clever
ideas about making a move on me. Neron's gift allows me instantly adapt and overcome
any
metahuman power used against me."

Dr. Death, now even more worried, nodded.

"Fine, fine. I reckon I'm in this for the long haul. Just don't kill my girls."

Chapter Five: One of the "First Hundred Days"

by Mope

J Street Mayoral Office

Afternoon, Thursday, November 7th, 1996

Tuesday was the election.

Wednesday was the celebration.
Today, we work.

The new Mayor's office today had been a hubbub of activity: furniture being moved,
computers being installed, thank-you letters being sent out, and "oh yeah," a new
government being started. Jason was able to get the furniture, computers and
thank-you's done or at least started, but Mope (as he's now called "can't have an elected
official who doesn't even capitalize his name!") seemed to have quickly grabbed the reins
at getting the basic planning of the new administration rolling.

By noon, Mope had already taken a look at the district's budget and started planning new
projects to initiate. A quick nod from Jason was all Mope needed to get his ideas
approved, and he moved on.

By 2 PM, Mope had chosen the staff positions that would be needed, and with a quick
nod from Jason, got them approved. Job notices were sent to Joe's to be posted.

Positions available:

Administrative Assistant: Basically does anything Jason or Mope says. May be assigned
to special "projects" as needed. Should be a "jack/jane of all trades". Fast thinking,
initiative, an eye for detail, and efficiency all a plus.

Chief of J Street Police: A calm head and a knack for diplomacy is needed for this
sensitive position. Overlords will NOT be permitted or tolerated. The Chief's job is to
keep the peace and not to enforce petty crimes and rules. As the new police force will be
a force of one, possibly two, the ideal applicant will be a well-rounded character
combining skill, intellect, diplomacy, as well as being physically capable and "super."

Police Officer: This position may or may not be filled, depending on quality of
applicants. Ideally, the applicant would share many of the same traits described for
Chief, but must willing to work under the guidance of the Chief.

J Street Public Works Officer: When things go wrong on J Street, the PWO is there to fix
them. Advanced technical know-how is a must for this job. Ideally, the applicant will be a
"jack/jane of all trades" with the ability to maintain (or defend) any aspect of J Street,
including the occasional multi-dimensional rift and/or leak. Should also be good with a
plunger.

J Street Development Commissioner: This position will be a part-time position. The

applicant should be a respected leader of J Street business or society. The scope of this
position will be to encourage and promote the growth of J Street. The "DC" :) will
also appear with the Mayor and Deputy Mayor at many charity and promotional events.
A good smile, massive charisma, and an eye for fund-raising are the keys to this position.

Chapter Six: Welcome to the beginning of the end!

by Aquaman!

The Potomac

AQ swam as fast as he could! He was finally going to scoop that snot, Martin Uppercrust
III! "Deepthroat 2 or Jr." or something told AQ about a package of grave importance at
the bottom of the river, and AQ was going to follow that lead, no matter how much it
sounded like something Joe Grendel made up!

He finally reached the package. He put his hand on it, only to find that not only was his
hand stuck to the package, the package couldn't be removed from the riverbed! Further,
he heard an unusual ticking sound, not unlike that of a bomb!

Aquaman struggled, but try as he might, the adhesive was too powerful for him.

*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*IS THIS DRAMATIC ENOUGH FOR YA?*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*TIK*
*Yawn, OK*

*BOOM!*
Chapter Seven: The as-yet-untold stories of Aquaman!
by Aquaman
A sultry figure pulled Aquaman away from the blast. She had long blonde hair that
framed her face as she swam. She was sleek as she moved through the water. Aq was at a
loss for words, astounded by her curves. This was the most beautiful creature he'd ever
seen! A gift from God! A vision from Heaven! She must be an Angel

"What the #$^&*s the matter with you?! You some kinda freakin' idiot? That thing had
Bomb written all over it!" she said.

Aq fell out of his stupor.

"Oh, pray tell what made it so obvious that that was a bomb, miss high-'an-mighty?
Huh?"

"You're genuinely the dumbest person I've ever met. IT HAD THE LETTERS B-O-M-B
WRITTEN ALL OVER IT, YOU IMBECILE!"

"All right, so why'd you save my life if I'm so stupid? Answer me that, know-it-all!"

The young woman started to swim away. Aq noticed she had webbed feet and hands.

"I thought you had a nice butt." She turned and left.

"No kidding? Cool. Hey, you wanna join the Pantheon? You wanna go out with me?" Aq swam after her, as
happy as a puppy who'd found a new master

Chapter Eight: The Dork Knight Sulks

by Hatman

Grendel's.

Standing on the roof of the building that housed Grendel's Pond, Hatman propped one leg
up on the ledge and stared out over Washington, DC. Had he really been paying attention,
he might have noticed that the landscape beyond J Street was not entirely clear, but
instead took on a 'fuzzy' quality of a poorly focused photograph. It was a side-effect of J
Street's interdimensional connectedness what Hat was seeing was the Washingtons of a
hundred thousand different realities overlaid one on top of the other.

Or at least, that's what he would have seen, were he paying attention. But he wasn't.

Instead, Hat was feeling sorry for himself.

He still wasn't involved. Despite his involvement in the election, despite his almost
getting elected mayor, he still wasn't involved. One story line later, and he was reduced to
a hanger-on whose only participation was to sheepishly wipe his nose
It wasn't fair! Hank was involved! Hank was involved all the time! He got to be the
bouncer. He got himself killed twice, went to Hell and back, he'd been a key player in
almost every story line since the reboot, while Hat had barely rated a passing mention.

Maybe it was because Hank was just more fun.

Naw, but that couldn't be it. kevrhon was involved in a lot of the stories, too. And he was
no fun at all

There had to be another reason. There had to be something he could do to put himself
back into the

Hat's head spun around suddenly, just in time to see a bright flash of light near the
Potomac, followed by a column of black smoke. An explosion!

Setting his jaw, Hatman turned and began to run for the access stairway. He'd stop briefly
downstairs to get Hank, and then they'd go check out what

Hat skidded to a stop.

No. Hank was involved enough as it was. Besides, he'd taken too much time off work
already, to follow Hat on his damned fool election crusade. So maybe it was time for him
to go solo.

And the Pantheon had more than proven that they could live without him for a while

Frowning, Hatman turned and leapt off the building, doing a somersault in mid-air and
landing solidly on the next one. Silently, he ran across the rooftops of J Street towards the
rising black smoke and tried to ignore the heavy lead weight in the bottom of his heart.

***

There wasn't much left by way of debris. A few scattered pieces of the bomb casing one
with the letters O-M partially scrawled on it and a soggy notepad. Hat squinted as he
flipped through it. Though the ink was running on the pages, and the handwriting was
practically illegible to begin with, he was able to pick out a few words here and there. His
own name had appeared on the early pages (including a butchered attempt at spelling his
last name), as had Hank's. A few pages later, he came across a doodle of a stick figure
with an enormous handle-bar mustache hanging by its underpants from a gigantic tree
(accompanied by the words 'DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! THAT PICTURE FOR NOT
COMING OUT!!").

Hat sighed. Aquaman, obviously, had been at the scene of the explosion. And since there
weren't any pieces of him floating in the river, Hat could only assume that he was this
story line's obligatory kidnap victim. Sigh. There was always one
Well, he had two choices here. One, he could go back to the bar, tell the Pantheon what
he'd discovered, and assemble an Aquaman Rescue Squad

the way they'd once assembled Hatman Rescue Squads, back when the Pantheon had
cared about him

or two, he could follow the trail himself, rescue Aquaman single-handedly, and return to
Grendel's Pond as a hero, rather than some nose-wiping schlep.

All things considered, Hat decided he'd rather do number two. Nodding to himself, he
bent to scan the river once again for clues all the while trying to deduce what villain
would sign the bomb 'O-M'

Chapter Nine: Departures

by Jason

As mope looked around his office, Jason flew through the wall.

"What's up?"

"Mope, I gotta go now!"

"Why? What happened?"

"My own teammates tried to kill me."

"Grendel?"

"No. My former partners back in Staten Island. I gotta go back, see why they did it."

"But you're the mayor!"

"I'm also a Green Lantern, not to mention very ticked off. Keep an eye on things on J
Street, OK?"

"All right."

"Don't worry, mope. I'll be back. I always come back."

And with that, Jason flew off in the general direction of Staten Island.

Chapter Ten: The First Sign

by White Knight
1602 J Street
Outside Grendels

White Knight had left Grendels a little while ago. The plans for J'onns bachelor party
were already laid. Hatman said that the party was going to be bigger and better than the
one Superman had. Then, he and the others left.

He passed in front of Azizs Emporium and Johan Extremelylonglastnamehereplease's

now empty house. He wandered aimlessly. He had a lot to think about. Suddenly, he
heard a noise.

He looked around.

A figure loomed close to him. He was standing next to a lamp-post and was hidden
partially by the resulting shadows. White Knight reacted quickly and prepared to draw his
sword. He tried not to be impulsive and draw it when it was not needed. A bared blade
demanded blood or else it would dishonor its bearer, labeling him as an impulsive fighter
not in touch with his warrior abilities and spirit. Then he recognized the figure.

"Joe Grendel."

"White Knight."

"What are you doing here? I thought you were back at the bar."

"Well, I decided to take a break and enjoy a little fresh air."

"The Mighty Hank passed another Mighty one?" asked White Knight.

"Something like that."

They looked at each other, in silence. A quick glance by the Knight showed that Grendel
was hiding something.

"Well, I must leave," said White Knight.

He walked past Grendel and continued, turning his back on him. Grendel smiled. He
followed the Knight slowly. Without taking his eyes from the Knights back, he drew his
sword with almost no sound. He raised it, ready to strike

He struck.

CLINK!

Grendel looked surprised. White Knight was facing him, broad sword in hand, and had
parried his cowardly mortal attack.
"How could you know?" asked Grendel, aghast.

"Halloween taught me a bitter lesson. Never turn your back on a Grendel." He thrust with
his broad sword and pushed Grendel backwards.

"Your effort will be for nothing, Knight. I will reign supreme!" Knight kept his mouth
silent and attacked.

Both hands on the hilt, he maneuvered the sword deftly, parrying and thrusting, tricking
and cornering Grendel.

The swords moved so fast and the strokes were so powerful that sparks ignited from both
weapons.

Knight took a step forward and elbowed Grendel in the face. Almost instantly, he kicked
him on the stomach and with a vicious uppercut, crashed him against the lamp post.
Grendel reacted.

He pushed Knight aside and swung his sword overhead, trying to pierce Knight's skull.
He blocked the attack and used a StormHex to confuse Grendel.

Joe whirled around in mid-air as the hex tossed him back and forth. He struggled free.

"You imbecile! This effrontery youll for pay with your life!" He attacked again.

White Knight ducked to the side and raised his sword. Both weapons got locked on each
other. White Knight kept raising his arms. Grendels sword slipped off his fingers and was
thrown into the air.

Grendel tripped and fell to the floor. White Knight captured Grendels sword and held it in
his left hand.

Grendel got up.

"Damn you, Clarrdian," smoke began to surround him. "Death will be too gentle for you"
and he disappeared.

White Knight was confused. What was going on? Then he remembered an ugly voice
from the recent past "he occasionally hunts his counterparts he only spared one "

He turned around and ran to the bar. He had to talk to Grendel.

***

Elsewhere.
"Damn me for being overconfident. I shouldnt have faced anyone from the Pantheon just
yet. Im not strong enough. But soon I shall be. Soon." The Joe Grendel of the DC
Universe smiled. It was a grin that could cower Satan himself.

Chapter Eleven: The picking up of pieces

by Mope

J Street Mayor's Office

Mope went about the business of picking up the pieces of the wall that Borelli saw fit to
fly through. Mope was able to use the Power of the Atom (Mope shares some of that
White Dwarf fabric that Ray Palmer uses) to reconstruct the wall quickly.

A few minutes later, the wall was back in place, but something was still missing.

"Hello, J Street Construction? Yes, I need some painting done. Your painters will be here
this afternoon? Great."

***

A Mastermind's dark HQ

On his monitors, the events of the previous chapters are all displayed.

Hatman investigating the bomb on the Potomac.

Aquaman following his new-found crush.

Borelli flying off to Staten Island.

Mope picking up the pieces in the Mayor's Office.

The mastermind lingered awhile in front of the monitor displaying Mope's efforts.

"This Mope person is going to be more of a problem than I expected. Who knew Borelli
would find someone who was actually competent? Yes I'll have to take care of Mr.
Deputy Mayor "

The mastermind floated over to the phone. He paused a second, and a surge of
interdimensional flux shocked the phone, allowing the mastermind to call outside J Street
to another world.

"Hello. Ms. Selina Kyle? You don't know me, but"

 Chapter Twelve
by Aquaman

Swimming came naturally, and it felt good

The murky depths rushed around him, tiny fish following in his wake, for some as-yet-
unexplained reason

Atlantis

*WWWWHHHHHIIIIIRRRRRR*

*THOOOOM*

The heavy doors closed behind Aquaman as he entered his undersea fortress.

"MY LIEGE! This is so unexpected!"

"I imagine rather a lot is unexpected from a horde of reanimated cybernetic Atlantean
zombies. By the way, you forgot to kneel."

"Yes, my lord."

Aq never got over the whole "my lord" kick. He thought it was sooo cool to have his own
zombie horde! He put on a nonchalant act about it, though.

"How may we be of service to you, kind sir?" inquired the robot dead guy.

"Ralph, we're kinda in trouble "

"Sir? My name is not Ralph. I'm Secretary Kulnor."

"Ralph, we're kinda in trouble I need to enter the armory. We should have something
there that could be of use "

"Master, please! The armory has been abandoned for years! They say that the gods "

"I know what they say! Do you think I'd dare risk my own hide, if it weren't important?
Lives are at stake here, so don't be pestering me with legends! I don't have time for it!"
Maybe this wasn't an act. Maybe Aq was born into this sort of thing. He DID wonder why
the zombies obeyed only him, but that was a mystery for another time

"I-I'll show you the way, sir "

Aq thought Damn right, you will, but he didn't want his subjects to think he was a total
jerk.
 Chapter Thirteen: Too many Grendels.
by Joe Grendel

White Knight slammed through the door to the bar, startling those within.

"Joe! It's him! The Grendel you spared!" He leaned against the bar, huffing-and-puffing.
Grendel grabbed him by the collar and pulled his face close to his, shoving the mouth of
his pistol against the knight's temple.

"Keep your [really bad word] voice down," he hissed. "What the [another bad word] are
you talking about?"

The knight's eyes reluctantly moved away from the gun.

"He jumped me out on the street. I beat him in a sword fight "

"The guy I spared wouldn't be jumping anybody, trust me. What'd this Grendel look
like?"

"Like you "

"I know that! How did he look different?"

"Uh he had almost a crewcut. He wore, like, Oakley sunglasses. Oh, and he wore a super-
villain uniform."

Grendel released the knight, shoving his pistol into the back of his jeans.

"That could be Although, there's nothing to say I never met this one before " He looked
up at the knight. "You keep your damn mouth shut about this."

"But "

"Trust me, knight, you don't want two Joe Grendels trying to kill you." Grendel poured
himself a beer. "Don't worry, I'll take care of this."

***

Nemesis appeared before Dr. Death II.

"Why didn't you tell me the knight's skill with the sword wasn't a metahuman power?"
Grendel's eyes blazed angrily.

"I assumed you knew from your files "

"Idiot! If you ever want to see your daughters again, you'll get what I wanted from the
Trade Wars Universe. It's only a matter of time before the Pantheon gets back together at
the bar, and our trap has to be ready by then ... "

Chapter Fourteen: No Dialogue for the Serious

by The Mighty Hank!

Hatman looked out across the roofs and mountains and spires and other assorted tall
things of J street. He scanned the streets and alleys with his Hatnoculars. His cloak
fluttered in a breeze, making him look very cool.

Preparations for the bachelor party were being made. Stag films were being rented. Food
was being catered. Cakes were being baked. And Martians of a female variety were being
found to stuff inside the cakes. All-in-all, everything was a go. Everything was set.
Everything was running smoothly.

But for some reason, Hatman was still unhappy. He lowered the binoculars. He bit his lip.
The winds blew his cloak all around him, bellowing like a mad kitten. Hatman frowned.
Mad kitten?

Hat shook off the thought, and returned to gazing the streets. While J Street was generally
peaceful, and even had its own police force, one could never be too careful. The price of
freedom is eternal vigilance, and darn-it-all, Hatman was vigilant.

He's the Dork Knight, vigilant vigilante. Which is hard to be when nothing evil is afoot.

***

The Mighty Hank! walked out of Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill to take a quick breather.
He stretched his Mighty muscles. He yawned. He looked around the city.

He saw his best friend in the whole world, Hatman, standing on a rooftop. His friend's
cloak blew in the wind, making him look very cool and bad ass.

Then Hatman suddenly dropped his binoculars, and shot a thin Hatline from the roof. He
checked around, and sailed off into the night. And Hank! KNEW that Hatman was
probably righting even the tiniest of wrongs.

Hank also knew that friend Hat might have trouble righting the tiniest of wrongs by
himself in a place like J Street.

Hatman floated away on the line, drifting into the bowels of J Street. And The Mighty
Hank! silently ran after him. Well, as silent as possible for a 7'0" Norse godling.

***
Hatman swung through the city, shooting Hatlines and crossing buildings in a way more
reminiscent of Spider-Man than Batman. Not that there was anything wrong with
Batman. Or Spider-Man for that matter. It just would be nice to be able to fly sometimes.
After all, Superman is Hatman's favorite. But, we can't all be from other planets. What we
can try to do is live up to their ideals.

Hatman swung through the city, adeptly crossing city blocks in blinks of an eye and
cracks of a Hatline Shooter. He was searching for his target. And he found it.

A burning building, where a child was screaming for help. J Street might have a police
force, but they certainly don't have a fire department yet.

***

The Mighty Hank! was having a Mighty Hard Time keeping up with The Hatman. Boy,
could that guy MOVE when he wanted to. Crossing the city like it was his own personal
jungle-gym. Hank kept looking up, watching him, amazed. By Odin's beard, there was no
way he could do that. He couldn't just effortlessly defy gravity.

Not without a fart. But those usually caused considerable damage to not only the general
populace but buildings and pets, too. Hatman had something that Hank sometimes wished
he had, but always knew that he wouldn't.

Hatman had class and finesse. Which is hard to possess when you're a beer-drinking
farting godling-'moung-men.

Hank ran through the city, chasing Hatman like a lost kite.

***

Hatman stood on a rooftop opposite from the burning building. Inside, a child screamed
for his mother. Hat couldn't make out the scream. Was it a boy? Was it a girl? Was it a
preying mantis? You could never tell on J Street. Chances were more than likely that a
rescue could end with your head-getting bitten off by a Giant OctoTiger. All depended on
the neighborhood.

But thoughts like getting your head chewed off by a monster hardly ever enter the minds
of heroes. Sure, you think about it, you ponder it. You pray it doesn't happen.

But you never, EVER let it stop you.

Striking a pose, Hatman extended a wiry muscled arm, and shot a Hatline across to the
burning building, and jumped off the ledge into the great abyss of adrenaline that awaited
him.

***
Every time he saw something like this, it still amazed him. The Mighty Hank! stopped
dead in his tracks before a burning building. Normally, fire would have enough of a hold
on the
attention span of the godling to captivate him. But the dancing flames didn't catch his
attention. The man in the fedora did.

Hank watched Hatman glide into the burning building, protective HatShield at the ready
to protect him from the flames.

Amazing. No special birth, other than his heart. No special powers, other than his hat. No
special reason, other than maybe getting the girl sometimes. Hatman never ceased to
amaze
Hank!

Hank watched Hatman soar like an angel of mercy into the building. Walls exploded.
Glass shattered. The Mighty Hank! was not afraid. He was in awe. He stood, watching
The Hatman. Hank knew that he could rush in without fear of the flames, that he could
leap into the building. That he could help Hatman.

But he also knew, deep down, that Hatman didn't need any help whatsoever. He knew that
for some, heroing was an obsession, a passion, or some way to kill time.

But for The Hatman, heroing was about three things. It was about girls. It was about a
cool costume. And it was about a special indefinable quality that few possess.

Hatman was a Hero simply because he IS a hero. By birth. Deprived of inborn powers,
save a brave heart, Hatman was granted the gift of special grace. Of clear thinking. Of
heroism. He didn't need to work at it. When he just let go, leapt off the buildings and flew
in HIS way, Hatman was pure. A champion.

The Mighty Hank! remembered the first time he saw Hatman rush heart-first into a
burning building. Hank! had been hitch-hiking around Midgaard, trying to find himself.
Finding strong-man odd-jobs. Never considered becoming a hero.

Until he saw an average looking man in spandex swoop down and save a city from itself.
And Hank!, being Mighty and Strong but aimless, knew something that Spider-Man had
discovered a long time ago. That with great powers comes great responsibility. Corny, but
true nonetheless.

The Mighty Hank! bit his lip in anticipation. Then he saw what he'd been waiting for. He
saw the moment of catharsis, as Hatman stood in a burning window ledge, clutching a
child in his arm. Hank! saw Hat leap from the building into the abyss of gravity, deftly
shooting a Hatline at the last moment and swinging safely to the ground.
He saw that the child was a Mutant BugBear, and had ungratefully tried to bite Hatman
once they reached the ground. Hatman politely returned the child to its Mutant BugBear
parents, then quickly left the scene, lest he be eaten.

The Mighty Hank! chuckled to himself, then began the long run back to Grendel's.

***

Hat sat on a mat, that he'd laid down on a bat. He put his elbows on his knees and his
hands under his chin. He looked at his fedora, and noticed that it was a bit charred and
had a tiny little abraision from where the BugBear had tried to bite him.

With a sigh, Hatman wondered why he bothered. Hatman stood up, dramatically pointing
his Hatline Shooter at another building. Down below, some giggling neo-human girls
pointed up at him and giggled their affections. One wrote her phone number down
on a piece of notebook paper, and sent it by paper-airplane to the hero. Hat caught the
plane, then politely put it into his Utility Belt.

With a subtle grin, Hatman watched the gigglers walk away. It was THEN that he
remembered why he got into the Superhero gig.

But deep down, he knew that his reasons were more personal than that.

Hatman pulled his line taught, and sailed off into the city, rejoining the plot with
everyone else.

Chapter Fifteen: Explaining Chapter Twelve

by Joe Grendel

Earlier.

Aquaman swam after the mystery woman, toying with a small scrap of paper found at the
scene. It bothered him a great deal -- journalistic detachment be damned -- but he wanted
to talk to the mystery woman.

"Wait! Wait! I have to go to Atlantis."

That stopped her.

"What? Why?"

Aquaman looked down at the piece of paper:

Aquaman, please help.

I know I, and my father, have been two of the Pantheon's greatest foes over the decades,
but now I beg you for your help. The Joe Grendel who first owned the bar and grill, the
one who was there for the creation of J Street, along with the Joe Corps, my father, der
Schnitzel and your Joe Grendel, has returned. He didn't die like everyone thought. And
he was far, far worse than your Joe Grendel before a demon named Neron gave him the
power to overcome any metahuman power. Calling himself Nemesis, he plans to kill
Gallagher and Grendel and retake the bar.

I know this doesn't necessarily matter to you, but he's forcing me to help. Aquaman, he's
got my daughters. They're all I have. Please, I beg you to put aside our years of emnity,
and those between the Pantheon and my late father, and help me, for my girls' sake.

Dr. Death II

Aquaman looked back up.

"There are some weapons in Atlantis the Pantheon is going to need "

Chapter Sixteen: I'm so glad you explained Chap Twelve!

by Aquaman!

Still earlier

"I want to tell you something." said Aquaman.

"What?" said Mystery-gal.

"Well, even though you hate me, and even though I don't know your name, and even
though we've only been together about five minutes, I think I love you. Yeah, I love you,
and I want to know your name and all that, but I found this piece of paper, and my friends
are in trouble, and I'm the only one who can help. I need you to think about me while I'm
gone. I don't want you to forget what we share "

Not wanting to be rude, the mystery person thought to herself, *Uh, I don't think we ever
shared anything.*

Aquaman is able to mentally communicate with sea life, so that hit him pretty hard, as
you might guess.

*I know we haven't had a chance to get to know one another, but we will! I promise! Just
wait for me, and I know you'll come to love me like I already love you!*

Startled at first, enigma-woman replied, *Whatever you say, bonehead.*

*Sigh* Aquaman's mother used to call him that. This was the woman for him!
He swam off to rescue the Pantheon, as he had done so many times before. Well, there
was that one time no, no, that was Hatman. OK, AQ swam off to rescue the Pantheon, as
he had never done before.

*By the way, my name's Dolphin *

*Dolphin* He thought.

Uh, to be continued in chapter twelve?

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming

Chapter Seventeen: Invitations to the party.

by Joe Grendel

J Street, the bar.

It was cold in Washington this evening; the first flurries of winter appearing in the
afternoon.

The Mighty Hank rolled the spotlight out in front of the bar, unreeling extension cord as
he went.

OzBat bamfed out beside him.

"Whatcha doin'?"

The Mighty Hank flipped a switch, sending a white beam out into the night, painting the
clouds above with a signal.

"I would think my object plain, oh Mite."

OzBat stared at the signal.

"That looks like a UFO."

Hank grumbled to himself, a sound like glaciers mating.

"It's a fedora. That's the Hat-Signal."

OzBat nodded.

"So J'onn's bachelor party is starting?"

"Soon enough."
 ***

Elsewhere on J Street.

Nemesis handed the metal plate to Darkhalf.

"That's right: Power, Darkhalf. As long as you do what I want you'll be fed power via
microwave relay."

"Very 'Buck Rogers.'"

"Yeah." The Joe Grendel of the DC Universe rolled his eyes. "But there's on-board
sensors and a high-level A.I. You vary from the plan, you get cut off. And," Nemesis said
slowly, enunciating clearly, "You turn on me, and it pumps all the juice right out of you.
Out you go, like a candle."

Darkhalf grimaced but strapped the plate to his chest. He visibly gained weight and grew
about an inch.

"So, all you want me to do is wait for Borelli?"

"Yeah. He's nowhere to be found. I don't want him showing up late and coming off like
Mighty Mouse and saving the day. When the A.I. sees you've encountered Borelli, it'll
pump you more full of power than you've ever been."

"Works for me."

"Fine. Now, where do I find Copperfield?"

***

Atlantis.

Aquaman swam into the tunnel, his eyes compensating in the dim light.

This might not have been such a good idea after all, he thought.

Then a figure moved behind him, cutting off what little light remained.

Chapter Eighteen: The Cat and the Hat

by Mope

Hat soared through along J Street, along his way back to the Potomac to see if he could
spot any further evidence around the bomb site from earlier. Pausing along the way, Hat
realized that he was standing atop the Mayoral HQ. He considered popping in to see if he
might be wanted to help out with one of the positions that Mope and Borelli had
announced.

In mid-thought, the Dark Fedora noticed a movement off in a dark corner on the next
building over. If there was something evil lurking over there, Hatman may have already
been spotted, standing there with his cape flapping majestically over J Street. Thinking
now, he swore he saw something that looked like a claw on that figure.

Hat decided to play it like he hadn't seen anything, and cabled forth to jump onto that
next building. He kept his hand on the emergency cable in case his line was cut. He
swung safely onto the next building. He looked around, keeping his attention on that dark
corner under the building's chimney/air-vent. He saw nothing there, but his curiosity was
still raised. Looking around again, this time to see if there was anyone to see him if the
next thing he did was embarrassing, he saw no one to spy him, so Hatman

SPRANG into that shadowy corner, and was surprised to find that it fought back. Hatman
and the shadowy figure tumbled out from the ledge into the middle of the building.
Landing in a swath of light, Hatman spotted a flash of purple.

"CATWOMAN!" Hatman cried in surprise as the demure villainess sprang to her feet,
claws bared, ready to enter again into battle.

Chapter Nineteen: Hold on one minute, man

by JYu

J Street.

Minuteman Comics.

"OK, OK, OK howbout this? Sabretooth versus Cyclops?"

"Sabretooth, easy. He could rip out that dork Cyke's throat before he even knew what hit
"

ka-BAM! The front door slammed shut.

In the doorway stood a lone blond figure wearing a green and black outfit. Were the lights
not so bright, one might notice the dull glow of a fluorescent green light radiating off of
him.

He wandered through the crowd of stunned Minutemen, his expression concealed by a

pair of sunglasses.

"Joe Grendel, eh?" A cajun walked up to the man, examining him closely. He frowned.
"Don' like de way you be actin, mon ami," he whispered into ear.
"Nor I," replied Nemesis.

The Cajun fell to the ground, his stomach and bladder having been ruptured by the sword
which Nemesis held in his hand.

"Now, would someone kindly lead me to the to the proprietor of this business?"

Without a second thought, the Minutemen pointed to the back of the room. There sat a
diminutive Caucasian man, hardly older than a quarter century. Placed on the desk in
front of him were piles of letters, each addressed to a different multiverse, more than
several addressed to the same place. He pushed his John Lennon spectacles back up his
nose as he rushed to finish yet another letter.

He would find himself interrupted as Nemesis slowly pulled out the paper from under his
pen. He looked up.

"Um. Can I help you, sir?" The man asked with a noticeable Dutch accent.

"No, but I most certainly can help you."

"Not interested, Grendel. I know you and your Pantheon type. Always so quick to
criticize. And what you did to the Marvel Universe was unforgivable! Saint Liefeld will
be frowning upon you for years to come."

"You don't like the Pantheon, do you? You want revenge. For preventing the Marvel
Revolution. For forcing you and the Minutemen to live here "

"That wasn't their fault "

"That's what they told you. You actually expect to believe them? After what they've
done?"

"I guess not "

"Not at all. You want vengeance upon the Pantheon. I can help you. All you have to do
for me is take care of the one responsible for putting you here in the first place."

"Who? JYu?"

"Sharp as a spoon, there, Sparky."

"It's Olav," the man smiled with a toothless grin. "Just call me Olav."

Chapter Twenty: Let the wild rumpus begin!

by Joe Grendel
Meanwhile, back at the bar

J'onn looked around with a wry look on his face, something Martian faces are uniquely
suited to.

"You know, it's a bit early for a bachelor party."

"A-ha!" The Jester popped up importantly. "That's why it's a surprise, mon frere!"

The Justice League Ashland nodded enthusiastically, all except Girlman, who found the
entire occasion a bit insensitive to the estrogen-enhanced.

Joe leaned over to OzBat.

"I saw what, er, who was in the cake. That's an image burned into my retinas "

Hatman and Hank staggered over toward J'onn, away from the bar, and fighting over
whether Hat should wear a special party hat for the bachelor bash.

The Scarlet Rob faded in.

"So," he said, fiddling with his cape, "Where's the strippers?"

At this, Mope lifted his beer mug and cheered loudly.

"LET THE WILD RUMPUS BEGIN!"

Chapter Twenty-One: Beginning To Rumpus Wildly

by Hatman

Hatman ducked just in time, and a set of razor-sharp claws sliced the air above his fedora.
A bullwhip cracked and wrapped itself around his leg, yanking him off his feet. But
barely had he hit the ground when he grabbed onto the whip for dear life and yanked with
all his might, pulling Catwoman off-balance before she could move in for the kill.

His first thought when he'd seen her was: Cool! I'm actually fighting Catwoman! That
makes me a first-stringer!

Catwoman let go of the whip and did a graceful backwards somersault onto the ledge.
Hatman got himself up to one knee, ripped off his fedora, and whipped it at her with all
his might, a la Captain America. His trusty Boomerang Fedora, an experimental
prototype that was designed to strike with the force of fifty hats, spun through the air
towards her
The second thought he'd had when he'd seen her had been: Wow, my investigation of
AQ's! disappearance must be going better than I thought! Here I don't have any suspects
yet, and someone's hired Catwoman to take me out!

Catwoman dodged the Hatarang with the merest of gestures, as Hat had expected she
would. What she didn't realize was that the Boomerang Fedora always returned to the
head of its owner or that Hatman was reaching back into his cape for another one of his
experimental Hat weapons

The third thought to go charging through his head, after Catwoman had attacked him and
nearly taken his head off, was: HOLY $#!+!! I'M FIGHTING CATWOMAN!

He opted for his Crash Helmet, a bullet-shaped chrome helmet that would give him a
temporary force-field, and limited invulnerability. He also pulled out a couple of pink
baby
bonnets the sooner he could wrap this up, the better.

Catwoman lunged at him

The fourth thought that had occurred to him was Oh, man, I think I just wet myself!

Hatman stood his ground. The Cat slammed into him, her claws raking the pale yellow
force-field just inches from his face. Hat shoved her away with all the strength she could
muster man, she had legs that could snap you in half! and tossed the three baby
bonnets at her, hoping to get lucky. But somehow, in a feat of gymnastic perfection,
Catwoman managed to dodge away from all three of them, generating a breeze that sent
them sailing over the edge of the building. Hat grimaced as he watched them go.
Hopefully they didn't land on any civilians

Two of them didn't. One of them did. And for the next 40 minutes, regulars to J Street
would wonder why Abdul Aziz was sitting on the front stoop of his Pan-Dimensional
Emporium wearing a pink baby bonnet, sucking his thumb, and crying for his mommy

And the fifth and final thought that rollicked through Hatman's feeble brain, before the
battle was joined in force, was I wish Hank was here!

Catwoman laughed at him actually laughed as he rummaged round in his cape for another
one of his twelve trick Hats. Maybe it was because he was hyperventilating given the
ferocity of her last attack, the Crash Helmet's force-field was not going to last
much longer. He considered his options: The Cowboy Hat? No, he'd have to get it onto
her for it to work, and she'd already proven she was too adept at dodging. The G.I. Joe
Camouflage Cap would give him temporary invisibility, but with Catwoman ready to
pounce at any given second, he didn't have the time. The Sombrero was no good the
Mariachi Band had the night off union rules. The Beret was a wash he doubted the ability
to speak high school French in a cheezy accent would help him out of this situation. And
the Sorcerer's Cap was unpredictable at best. The last thing he needed was a bunch of
walking broomsticks to appear up here, tossing buckets of water at him...

It really only left him with one option, and it wasn't much of one. He just hoped the guys
would forgive him.

Grimacing, he reached back into his cape and produced his Top Hat.

Every muscle tense, ready to spring, Catwoman suddenly pulled back and cocked an
eyebrow. What was the idiot doing now?

Hat had his face stuck in the Top Hat.

"Yes, I said 'Catwoman.' What? No, this does not mean we're in the Justice League now.
Huh? No! No, you do not all get your own flight ring! Listen, can we just do this?"

Catwoman blinked, then sighed and leaned against the chimney, waiting patiently.

Hatman pulled his face out of the Top Hat and smiled at her sheepishly. Clearing his
throat, he held the Top Hat out towards her, as far away from his body as he possibly
could. He held it as though he were aiming a cannon.

"Um," he said forcefully, "I guess I ought to give you the chance to surrender."

"To you?" Catwoman snorted. "A guy in black and yellow leotards, with a big 'H' on his
chest, whose only gimmick is a bunch of stupid hats?"

"Uh, that's 'Hats'," Hatman said. "You have to capitalize the 'H'. Otherwise it's not a
trademark."

The Top Hat began to vibrate noticeably in his hands.

"Please. I've faced down guys whose butts you would have to stand on a chair to kiss.
Batman, Nightwing. If I won't surrender to them, what makes you think I'll give up for a
third-stringer like you?"

The Top Hat shook wildly at this. Hatman looked like he was having a hard time
controlling it. Hat shrugged and sighed in resignation.

"OK, fine. Have it your way. Just don't say I didn't warn you." He looked down at the
vibrating Top Hat. "Boys? It's show time!"

And out of the Top Hat exploded a flurry of white bunny rabbits.

But not just any bunny rabbits, mind you. Highly intelligent, specially trained,
extraordinarily gifted Combat Attack Rabbits. A crack team of agile white furballs
genetically engineered and trained by the Canadian Government to handle any situation
thrown their way.

These were the Delta Force of bunny rabbits. The Navy SEALS of bunny rabbits. They
were unstoppable.

And on top of it all, they had a flair for showmanship.

Catwoman actually yelped as she was set upon by a group of bipedal white creatures with
long, floppy ears. Some were dressed in little capes and cowls. Some wore little yellow
capes and jabbed at her with tiny bo staffs. Three of them did nothing but hold up signs
that said "BIFF!" "ZAP!" and "POW!" every time one of the others hit her. And one of
them was dressed as a certain former Titan

That one's name was Henry.

Catwoman stumbled around, crying out as she tried to shove the rabbits away from her.
But for every one she got a hold of and tossed away, two more appeared to take its place.
They swarmed over her, using tiny Batlines to tie her legs together, forcing her to the
ground. One pulled a teensy little vial out of its utility belt and waved it under her nose.
Catwoman began to get very, very sleepy

"Damn you, Hatman," she said woozily. "Damn youuuuu ZZZZzzzzzzzz*"

The rabbits in the yellow capes cheered as she slipped into unconsciousness. The ones in
the little cowls and capes chose instead to just stand there, darkly menacing. The one
dressed as a Former Teen Titan looked as though he wanted to do a little of both.

Hatman smiled at them fondly. Wow. His first fight with an A-list super villain, and he'd
won. He's actually won. Without any help from the Pantheon.

But why did he have this nagging feeling that he'd forgotten someth

whirrwhirrwhirrwhirrBONK!

Oh, right, Hatman thought as he tumbled over the edge of the roof. The Boomerang
Fedora

Knocked off the building with the force of fifty hats, Hatman plummeted towards the flat,
black asphalt of J Street, and certain death

Wasn't that always the way?

***
Meanwhile, back at the bar, another Hatman was feeling rather good about himself. He
smiled as he took a sip of the Vodka & 7 Grendel had poured for him. He was, dare he
say it, darned proud of himself.

Here we was, carrying on a proud Pantheon tradition. He was, for this story line, the
obligatory 'same person inexplicably in another place at the same time.'

It was an important role, one he took very seriously. Because now the Pantheon would
have to adjust time, space, or even the very plot of the story, just to accommodate him.

Wow. What an honor. If only his mom could see him now.

He pondered for a moment on what he would be. A temporal anomaly? A villain in

disguise? A nefarious construct of the dark forces? A long-lost twin brother, possibly evil,
but maybe just heartbreakingly misunderstood? Or maybe dare to dream a clone?

The faux Hatman grinned. It was wonderful. His was a role absolutely rife with
possibilities. In fact, from the looks of things, he might get written better in this story line
than the real Hatman.

He grinned and took another sip, trying to decide which of the above possibilities he'd
most like to be. He wondered, with a wry smile, if it was possible to be all of the above?

Chapter Twenty-Two: Something completely different

by kevrhon

All of these might occur to the Pantheon, but they had seen them all before. kevrhon
didn't imagine that anyone would suspect that the Hatman sitting in Grendel's Pond was
in fact kevrhon himself cloaked in a mystical projection that made him appear outwardly
as Hatman. He even had ordered Hatman's drink, even though it was not one he cared for.

It had been suggested that kevrhon was involved in a lot of the stories of the Pantheon,
but he was no fun at all. Perhaps he could figure out what he was doing wrong by
adopting the guise of one of the most beloved figures of the Pantheon. He had been too
long absent from this adventure. He was always introduced, but rarely included unless he
included himself. He was concerned that others were afraid of handling his character at
one time. Now he suspected that his character just wasn't very interesting. That he was
just a tool when magic was called for. That he too often used that omnipotence to alter
story lines to suit his needs. Well, he had decided that this time would be different. This
time he would try to participate by not participating. And what better way to accomplish
that than by hiding in plain sight, as Hatman, the most underutilized member of the team?

The illusory Hatman raised his glass and nodded at Grendel.

"Barkeep, set me up with another Vodka and 7!"

 Chapter Twenty-Three: Nice catch!
by Joe Grendel

Twenty feet above the 900 block of J Street, NW.

The real Hatman plunged toward the pavement, sending a pack of Tauntauns scurrying in
fear.

"Hatline? No, the pneumatic Hatpistol's out of compressed C02. Cruelly release a horde
of Hatbunnies to break my fall? No, that's just plain sick. (Besides, gail would never
speak to me again.) Well, I'm not sure I have any other good ideas "

Just then he bounced upwards, stunned into silence.

"Nice job, Elastic!"

Hatman bounced back down again, landing softly on the stretched body of a blue-suited
superhero with ridiculous hair. A man in eye-popping yellow and an android (who
apparently'd had a quickie repair job at some time in his history) stood beside his
rescuer.

"Thanks. Good to see you again." Hatman blushed momentarily. "I hate to say it, but I've
forgotten your names since the other day."

"John Starr, private eye. This is Elastic and Satellite."

[Editor's note: See the newstand special "New Nuisances" for details of their meeting!
Joltin' Joe Grendel.]

"Lucky for me you were just passing by."

"Not luck at all. The local newspaper gave me a call. One of their reporters has
disappeared. The mayor hasn't appointed a police force yet, and no one can find the I-
Cop, kevrhon. So, they called me. I was out looking for clues, and I was heading toward
Grendel's bar when I saw what happened to you. Catwoman's gone."

That was fine by Hatman, although he didn't say so aloud.

"Why Grendel's?"

"Well, according to the paper, its a hang-out for a real rough crowd. I thought I'd bust
some heads, find out what's the score with Aquaman."

Hatman looked at Starr oddly.

"I think you were misled. Grendel's is a superhero hangout. But the male members of the
Pantheon are gathering there tonight, maybe they could help out."

***

Elsewhere on J Street.

"I won't be able to cast any other spells if I do that."

Nemesis grabbed Copperfield by the shoulders and slammed him against the walls of his
Tarot Reader shop.

"Why does everyone feel they have to question me? I told you, all I need you to do is to
block kevrhon's teleportation and dimension-traveling spells. The Minutemen and I will
do the rest."

Copperfield dusted off his tux.

"OK, OK. If it means the Mighty Hank will finally get what's coming to him."

"It will. And once I'm in control of Grendel's Pond, things will be different "

***

Atlantis.

The mystery woman, whom Aquaman will at some point name, I trust, chewed her lip
nervously.

He's been in there a long time, she thought. With a watery sigh, she swam after Aquaman.

***

J Street.
The aforementioned Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill. (Yeah, you don't see the word
"aforementioned" much in these stories, do ya? Consider it your "word of the day," true
believers!)

"Hatman" looked at his watch. In addition to scoping out how the other Pantheon
members related to Hatman, this disguise would also let him keep a surreptitious eye on
them. Sure, he was the fuzz, the five-oh, the pigs, the man now, but that didn't mean he
had to visibly hover around his colleagues, conspicuously waiting for them to cause
trouble. Which would inevitably occur.

"Uh, this wild rumpus is supposed to start when?"

Grendel turned the dimmer switch and cued OzBat, who pressed a special combination of
buttons on the jukebox. The raunchy music started and the Mighty Hank rolled out a
massive cake.

"Now."

***

J Street.
The windowless tower of kevrhon and Marital Bliss.

A'nne, wrapped in a toilet paper dress, looked around sheepishly.

*I don't want to seem ungrateful, ladies,* she beamed at the distaff Pantheon members,
*But, this shower isn't as much fun as I thought it'd be.*

Amazon, gail, Regina, hellgirl, Barda and Marital Bliss looked at one another.

Barda nodded.

"Let's crash the bachelor party."

The second Chapter Twenty-Three: Some new faces enter the picture
by Mope

At the bar, festivities were starting to get underway. A few blocks away and just off J
Street, there lies the Grenada War Memorial, an overlooked mass of granite and marble
that few tourists ever visit. At night it takes on an eerie look, and might even inspire in
the most patriotic a certain sadness that any landmark of this sort would go so unused and
unrecognized.

Earlier in the evening, Dom and SNAP!MAN! had been just trying to find their way
around J Street. Now, an hour later, they were simply lost but in a town like DC, you can
be lost and still have a good time (just keep your eye on your wallet).

In a typical comic book sort of way, Dom and SNAP! happen to find the Grenada War
Memorial. They look around as much as they can, considering only one light still works
on this aging memorial.

"Hey! Look! Dirt! Strange! Dirt!" SNAP!MAN! said.

"Hey, you're right that almost looks like a grave or somethin'," Dom replied.

SNAP!MAN!: Dirt! Moving! Rustling! Something! Crawling! Up!

And sure enough, a thin gray hand was wriggling itself out of the frozen hard DC-in-
November soil. The fingers were long and thin as well, then the head popped up

"Hiya, Hiya, I'm the Buried Alien! Howsadoin? Did I miss anything?"

Dom: Uh

And so three new Pantheon members were introduced to the fray!

Chapter Twenty-Four: Begging for Recognition

by Thunderbolt

Lightning crashed behind SNAP!MAN! and Dom. From out of the darkness, a solitary
figure walked. Static electricity rippled up and down his body. St. Elmo's fire enveloped
his head. He watched, nonchalantly, as the Buried Alien continued to dig himself out of
his own grave.

"So," Thunderbolt said casually, "what exactly does it take to get included in a story
around here?"

SNAP!MAN! scratched his chin.

"I! Think!" he said, "You! Have! To! Post! Something! Of! Substance! Otherwise! We're!
Not! Going! To! Make! It! To! Chapter! 29! On! Time!"

"Hmm," said Thunderbolt, as Buried Alien shook off the last bits of dirt and grave mold,
"I guess I could add something witty about the bachelor party "

Chapter Twenty-Five: Party crashers

by Joe Grendel

Outside Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill.

Barda thumps her fist against her forehead.

"We've got to go back."

"Why?" One of Marital Bliss' eyebrows goes up as she watches A'nne, Amazon, gail,
Regina and hellgirl pile out of the Humvee.

"I left the oven on."

"You're kidding."
"Just go. We'll catch up with the rest of the girls in a moment."

***

The men recover from their double-take after seeing the women march in, interrupting
their stripper's dance, when they do another double-take.

"Aquaman!" OzBat bamfs over to the battered-and-bruised reporter. "What the nass
happened?"

"That's not important." He drops a duffle bag full of weapons to the floor. He gestures
weakly toward the bartender. "We're all in a lot of danger."

"You're right there!" Nemesis' foot slams into the back of Aquaman's head, sending him
into the floor with a meaty thud. A glowing aura fills the room, making the ersatz Hatman
feel a little woozy. Nemesis beckons to the figures behind him. "If they make a move,
Minutemen, kill them."

The Pantheon eye the Minutemen warily, except for Grendel.

"This explains a lot. No, White Knight, I thought this @$$hole was dead."

"You and Gallagher tried hard to make it so."

Several Gallaghers, as-yet-undiscussed-in-this-story, crack their knuckles loudly.

OzBat raises a finger.

"Anybody mind telling those of us who tuned in late what's going on here?"

Nemesis looked at the mite.

"He hired an imp? Typical. Well, imp, Gallagher and your Grendel were around for the
creation of J Street, as well as a superhero called der Schnitzel. Once they got finished
knocking the crap out of Dr. Death I, who'd tried to turn L'Enfant's spell into a big
magical energy siphon, they looked around and realized some people had already set up
shop
here. They decided they didn't like my kind and turned on me."

OzBat rubs the bridge of his nose, wrestling with an ugly concept.

"Wait a second, you're saying you built this bar?"

"Yeah. It was a trading post for slavers, smugglers, mercenaries and general bad @$$e$
of all sorts. Until they broke the joint up. They thought der Schnitzel and I died in the
fight. They were right about him. I got dumped in front of a demon named Neron. And
now," he points his sword at Grendel, "I'm here to return the favor. And I don't intend to
fail.

"MINUTEMEN, ATTACK!"

Chapter Twenty-Six: The Vanishing

by Joe Grendel

"Thanks for giving us the ride," Hatman said. "I've never ridden in a Humvee before."

"We'll just stop by the tower, then we'll get back to the bar," Marital Bliss said over her
shoulder. "Oh, I'm Marital Bliss, by the way, glad to meet ya."

Starr, Elastic and Satellite all murmured "hellos."

Barda glanced out the window.

"Hmmm. A lighting-wrapped man, a zombie and another guy. This street gets weirder by
the minute."

***

The bar.

Truthfully speaking, the Minutemen had the Pantheon out-gunned. Heroes like the Jester
had no match for the mutant powers unleashed at them. What the Pantheon had in its
favor, however, was experience and a rough sort of teamwork.

Amazon and White Knight jumped Nemesis, Amazon wanting to see if she could beat
him, White Knight confident that he could. Responding to the meta-human powers at
hand, super strength and speed coursed into Nemesis' body. He took out the knight with
one
backhanded cross and flung Amazon away with another hand.

J'onn and OzBat began transforming into bigger, more impressive warriors and the
Mighty Hank! earned his Mighty unimpressive wage by flinging surprised Minutemen
out the door. Skids, luckily, was able to protect all of them from too much damage, as
they skidded up against Abdul Aziz's steps. Of course, they were totally unprepared for
Jeannie knocking them unconscious with a frying pan afterwards.

"Dammit, Aquaman, fight!" Grendel barked, but the Reporter-who-smells-like-fish was

busy rummaging through his bag of weapons.

"It's the only way we can beat Nemesis!"

The Joe Grendel of DC-Earth laughed and hopped the bar with one hand, his sword out.

"C'mon, Joe, let's party!"

"C'mon, Joe, let's not." The Pantheon-Grendel pulled his pistol.

Nemesis sneered.

"Right." He glanced up at the ceiling. "Now, Copperfield!"

A magician appeared in the middle of the room, hovering a few feet above the ground.
Glancing at Hank, he waved his hand, filling the room with a burst of light.

The Pantheon was gone.

***

Elsewhen.

"Uh oh " Aquaman stopped rifling through his bag, looking around him. "You guys can't
see, can you?"

"Nay," the Mighty Hank said quietly. "Thy undersea eyes must guide us all."

A greenish glow came from J'onn. He looked around sheepishly.

"I just transformed me epidermal layer into phosphorescent cells." He shrugged. "Martian
parlor trick."

A moment later, A'nne began glowing with the same light.

The pseudo-Hatman cleared his throat.

"I have something to confess. I'm not Hatman," he looked down at the floor. "I'm
kevrhon. I was undercover. But what's more important is that something is blocking my
teleportation powers."

OzBat, looking even greener than the Martian light already had, nodded weakly.

"Mine too."

gail touched the metal walls of the room.

"What is this place? It looks like we've appeared on the set of 'Deep Space Nine' or
something."
"No," Grendel said. "This is Point Zero Station in the Trade Wars Universe. I used to live
here. Hopefully, we're the only things alive here."

A scittering noise, echoing madly from somewhere else in the station, said otherwise.

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Mexicans, Rabbits and Cows! Oh My!

by Hatman

A flash of light, a whiff of ozone, and the sound of a suction cup being ripped off a wall

and then the Pantheon was gone.

Nemesis stared at the spot where his doppleganger had stood, an evil grin slowly
spreading across his features.

"It worked," he whispered.

Copperfield glared at him.

"Of course it worked! How dare you doubt the power of the great and powerf"

"IT WORKED!" Throwing his arms into the air, Nemesis spun around and around,
laughing maniacally. "AFTER ALL THIS TIME, THE TAVERN IS MINE AGAIN!"

A couple of the Minutemen blinked and looked at each other in confusion. All this over
ownership of a bar?

Nemesis rushed over to Copperfield, grabbing him by the lapels.

"And there's no way they can escape, right? No way they can return?"

Copperfield shook his head.

"I've set up a teleportation-blocking field. Even if Fate were with them, he wouldn't be
able to get past it."

"Excellent. Then Joe Grendel and his beloved Pantheon will surely die!" Nemesis ran his
hand lovingly over the bar. "Just as I had foreseen "

"Um, 'scuze me," one of the Minutemen said, putting up his hand. "But where exactly did
you send them, anyway?"

"To fight the one battle they can never hope to win," Nemesis replied. "This universe's
Joe Grendel is not the only one to travel between the dimensions. I've done my
homework, researched every possible timeline that incorporated this version of the
Pantheon. I have seen their greatest triumphs," Nemesis grinned wildly, in a way that
made all the Minutemen take a step backwards. "And," he added giddily, "their most
bitter defeats"

***

"We've got to get back," Grendel said desperately. "As fast as we possibly can."

J'onn cocked a rather large eyebrow.

"Why?" he asked ominously.

"Two reasons: One, if laughing boy has control of the bar for long, the multiverse is
going to hell in a hand basket."

"And two?" redRicky asked.

Grendel surpressed a shudder as he glanced around them. "If I'm wrong, and there still IS
something alive in here then we don't stand a chance."

"Well, there's only one way to find out," said The Scarlet Rob. "I say we split up, fan out
and search the pla--ummmph!" TSR stumbled as he tripped over something, half-hidden
by the shadows. Rob grimaced in annoyance as he turned to see what it was.

His eyes went wide. His face went sickly pale.

And then he screamed.

Hank and the faux-Hatman, Dr. Fate jogged over as TSR skittered away from the thing on
the floor, and curled himself into the fetal position in the shadows. Hank looked down at
what Rob had tripped over.

It was an arm. A severed human arm. Wrapped in the sleeve of The Scarlet Rob's
costume.

Grendel walked over to take a look at it. He breathed in sharply, and closed his eyes.

"Oh," he said quietly. "Crap."

"Hey guys!" Aquaman called from the other side of the room. "Look over here!"

Grendel and the others followed AQ's! voice. He knelt on the floor, staring somberly at a
bloody, familiar looking harpoon, lying next to a green-stained trident.

Hank gasped, and tapped Fate on the shoulder. Lying a few feet away were the remains of
a battered gray fedora, its brim shredded, its band stained with blood.
mope swallowed once.

"Is it just me," he asked, "or does it appear to everybody like we've been here already?"

"Verily," Hank said sadly. He bent over to pick up the shattered remains of the fedora.
"Though it appears that some of us never left."

"Other-dimensional versions of us," Fate said simply. "Another universe's version of the
Pantheon." He glanced around for some evidence that his counterpart had been here.
"This appears to have been their last stand."

Joe fought to keep his rage and desperation under control. Poking out of the shadows, he
had spotted several other things as well: the ravaged remains of a Mighty Norse Godling,
the meat picked clean from its bones the torn and tattered pieces of a tiny cape, scattered
amongst the debris of a cowl-restraining device and a bloody purple scrunchie, still
attached to a blood-soaked lock of blonde hair

These, he kept to himself.

"All right," he snapped. "Listen to me. This was no accident. Nemesis knew exactly
where he was sending us. If we're to have any chance of getting out of this alive, we've
got to stay alert, and stay togeth"

He was cut off as suddenly the air was pierced by a female scream.

Ozbat looked around in suddenly realization.

"A'nne! J'onn! We left them back where we bamfed in!"

"C'MON!" Cocking his gun, Grendel scrambled across the slick metal floor, with the rest
of the Pantheon hot on his heels

***

"Well, thanks for the ride, Martial," Hatman said as he pushed open the door to the bar.
"I'm much obliged. I'd have hated to have missed any of J'onn's bachelor par"

He stopped suddenly as he caught a glimpse of the roomful of villains staring blankly

back at him.

"Hatman?" Nemesis blinked. "But Catwoman was supposed to"

"Hatman?" blinked Copperfield. "But didn't I just send him into the rift?"

"Hatman?" the Minutemen quipped. "What kind of stupid name is that?"

"Hatman?" Martial Bliss asked, putting her hand on his shoulder. "What in the hairy heck
is going on here?"

Everyone stared at him in silence for a moment. Hat began to blush. He wasn't used to all
this attention.

"Um," he said after a moment's consideration, "duck."

His warning could not have come a moment too soon. Had Martial Bliss and the others
not dropped to the ground, they would surely have been cut in half by the variety of
energy beams being hurled in their general direction.

"KILL HIM!" Nemesis shouted. "IGNORE THE OTHERS FOR NOW! JUST KILL THE
HATMAN!"

Copperfield frowned at him.

"But Hatman is the least of our worries! He doesn't have any powers! He's not a meta!"

"THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT!" Nemesis shouted back.

"Cripes!" Hat exclaimed, and leapt out of the way as that huge variety of energy beams
was suddenly directed at him.

"YEEEE-HAA!" Martial Bliss cried, drawing her six shooters. She turned to the others.
"C'mon boys! It's an old-fashioned Mexican stand-off! Choose your partners and doesy
doe!" And with a grin, she leapt into the fray, guns a-blazin'.

Starr, Elastic and Satellite looked at each other, shrugged, and attacked.

Hat flipped, tumbled and dodged as Nemesis and Copperfield turned their combined
power on him. The Wurlitzer exploded in a brilliant flash as he ducked under a
particularly lethal salvo. All the while his hand kept disappearing into the folds of his
cape to pull out yet another one of his trick experimental Hats. The Boomerang Fedora
ricocheted off six heads as he tossed a flurry of Baby Bonnets at the Minutemen. Three of
them immediately dropped to the ground, began sucking their thumbs, and wet their
pants.

"I don't know how you managed to evade my assassin," Nemesis shouted over the noise.
"But no matter. You'll never get close enough to foil my plans."

With dialogue like that, now would have been a good time for Hat to throw back some
snappy patter. But he was a little busy dodging around power blasts while aiming the
Fedora at the three mutants who had jumped Starr from behind.
Martial Bliss had four of the Minutemen pinned down behind the pool table. She grinned
as she fired off round after round over their heads.

"C'mon out, you yellow-bellied varmints!"

Hatman grimaced. This was getting ridiculous. The bar was too cramped for this type of
close combat. He either had to move the fight outside where he'd have room to maneuver,
or wrap this up fast

Suddenly the door to the bar was pushed open in walked gail and Regina.

"Hey, Martial," gail started. "We thought you were gonna come back for"

Her eyes went wide as she took in the surrounding chaos.

"Oh geez!" she groaned. "They can't even have a bachelor party without a bar fight! It's
the Superman Wedding Issue all over again!"

"Men!" Regina said, rolling her eyes.

Nemesis spun to look at the two new arrivals. An evil gleam came into his eye.

"EVERYONE!" he shouted. "FORGET HATMAN! GET THE GIRL! HATMAN WILL

SURRENDER IF WE GET THE GIRL!"

gail cocked an eyebrow at this. She turned to Regina.

"'Get the girl?'"

Regina grinned menacingly.

"That's what I heard."

"Right," gail said. And with a demure little smile, she cracked her knuckles.

Hat rolled his eyes. OK, that settled it. Now he had to get this over with quickly, if only
to preserved the lives of the poor misguided mutants who were about to attack gail and
regina.

It was time to call out the big guns

He pulled out the Top Hat and aimed it at Copperfield. Immediately, a crack squad of
commando bunnies leapt out of it, each wearing a red costume with a white cape. They
swarmed on him before he had the chance to react, each grabbing a vital appendage. As
one, in tiny little voices, they all shouted a single word:
"SHAZAM!"

And Copperfield was struck by a dozen tiny little bolts from the blue.

Nemesis watched this, his eyes filling with horror.

"NO, WAIT! I CHANGED MY MIND! DON'T FORGET ABOUT HATMAN! DON'T

LET HIM REACH HIS"

Hatman ducked under his Boomerang Fedora it flew over his head to catch Nemesis full
in the face. He reached back into the folds of his cape and pulled out his Sombrero.
Gritting his teeth, he tossed it onto the floor between gail and the Minutemen.

"Ole!" he shouted.

And then suddenly the door of the bar burst open. In hurried a five-piece mariachi band.
Setting themselves up as a defensive line in front of gail and Regina, they grinned at the
mutants. The guitar player grinned.

"Uno, duos, trez, quatro!" he shouted.

And the band began to play 'The Mexican Hat Dance.'

The Minutemen stopped, stared. And then, as though controlled by otherwordly forces
they could not comprehend, they all began to dance. For as everyone knows, there isn't a
mutant alive who can resist the call of a Mexican Hat Dance. The Mariachi are the
Achilles heel of muties everywhere.

"NO!" Nemesis shouted, watching as his victory unraveled around him. "NOOOO!"

"YEESSSSS!" Hat shouted as he leapt at him.

Nemesis fired off a bolt of energy, but shrank back in genuine fear. For as has been noted
several times before, Nemesis' powers only work against those with metahuman powers.
And Hatman is not a meta.

Hatman bowled Nemesis over, and pinned him against the bar. Reaching back into the
folds of his cape, he produced the coup de grace, the Hat he'd been waiting to use since
this story had begun. Grinning, he placed the Cowboy Hat on Nemesis' head.

Immediately a faint rumbling could be heard over the music of the mariachi.

"Pour vous," Hat smiled, and jumped up onto the bar. Nemesis looked up at him in
confusion.

"Wha?" he asked.
The rumbling got progressively louder.

Hat leaned against the beer taps and waved congenially at Nemesis.

"Ta-ta, Joe. Don't forget to write."

Nemesis blinked, and was about to ask Hatman what he meant when suddenly he
understood.

The front door of the bar burst open again, and in rushed a stampeding herd of cattle.
They dodged deftly around everything in their path even being careful not to step on the
scattered pieces of the Wurlitzer and headed straight for Nemesis.

Nemesis glanced up at the Cowboy Hat on his head, then back at the cows. His face fell.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, shi"

And then the wave of cattle slammed into him.

The Cowboy Hat knocked right off of his head, Nemesis screamed obscenities as he was
carried forth on the tidal wave of bovines, right through the back door of the bar.

The last cow in line considerately closed the door behind them. After all, they hadn't been
raised in a barn.

Hatman dusted off his hands, and sighed in relief.

"And that," he smiled to himself, "is how we do that."

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Treading water

by White Knight

But Hatman knew the battle was far from over.

He approached to the Shazam Bunnies.

"Shazam!"

BOOOM!

"Shazam!"

BOOOM!

"Shazam!"
BOOOM!

"Shazam!"

BOOOM!

"Thats enough, guys. Cut it out!" The bunnies giggled and stopped. Hatman showed them
the Top Hat and they flew inside of it. He then picked up all of his special Hats and put
them inside of his cape.

There was the smell of a burning magician in the air. Hatman grabbed Copperfield by
what was left of his tux.

"Now hear me out, you poor mans Sigfried and Roy, and tell me the whole truth. Where
is the Pantheon?"

"G-get...bent!" gurgled Copperfield, still crackling with electricity.

"OK, pally, you asked for it." He took his Top Hat out of the cape and showed it to the
almost-fried magician. "Bunnies, do your worst "

Twelve tiny bunny heads peeked from the top of the Top Hat. They giggled once more,
making those funny squeaking sounds. Copperfield went pale under his charred skin.

"No, not that. OK, Ill tell, Ill tell "

As Hatman was getting Copperfield to talk at lightning speed, the doors of the bar
opened.
Marital Bliss, gail, Regina, Starr, Elastic and Satellite turned around, ready and primed.

"Hey girls, chill out. Its me!" shouted a man dressed in a Wonder Woman costume.

"drew101, you scared the crap out of us!" screamed gail. "What the heck are you doing
here?"

"Gee, I dont know. I wanted to down a few brewskies, so I came to the bar." He looked
around. "Dont tell me the ABC has closed down Grendels?"

"No. Its worse. Much worse." replied Hatman. He had tied Copperfield to a chair. Seven
Shazam Bunnies kept a close watch on him.

"Heres the deal: Nemesis, the Joe Grendel of the DC Earth, came here to take over Joes
bar. With the aid of this doofus he has trapped the Pantheon in some place called Point
Zero Station. Nemesis told him that on that same place the Pantheon has never survived a
battle. Some strange creatures prowl around, too powerful to be believed. Since the great
Zambini here transported them over there, he can get us there too.
"I know that this sounds dangerous, and I think it most certainly is. Its kind of a live-or-
die mission If we go, we might never come back; so I dont want to force any of you to
take a decision about this. Im going there get them back. Whos with me?"

There was a brief moment of silence, broken only by the bunnies giggles. Finally gail
spoke.

"Were with you, Hatman. All the way." she grinned. "So lets kick some butt!"

"All right, thats the spirit." Hatman turned to Copperfield. "Now, as Cable would say
Bodyslide by nine. And no monkey business, or else you get the bunny business."

Copperfield breathed heavily. Sweat trickled from his forehead. He recited the
incantation that has sent the Pantheon to the Station.

A flash of light, a whiff of ozone, and the sound of a suction cup being ripped off a wall
and then the Pantheon was gone.

***

Point Zero Station.

All Hells breaking loose.

"Move it people!" shouted Grendel as he fired another round at the vile monsters that
were around them. "Keep at them! Dont let them gain ground or else well be history!"

The monsters had not come in silently. After their arrival, some members of the Pantheon
had separated. Joe wondered in fear what kind of battle had been fought in there to slay
some of the most powerful members of the team. He shuddered, and hated it. Suddenly,
they heard a scream. A female scream. Cocking his gun, Grendel rallied the Pantheon and
followed the sound.

J'onn was fighting like a madman.

"Youll never lay your tentacles on my fiancie!" he said as he bludgeoned a tarantula

shaped ooze that had cornered A'nne.

J'onn used his Martian vision on the monster and it exploded into pieces. J'onn ran
towards A'nne and hugged her.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes. Just a bit uneasy."

"It was only a spider, Hon." murmured J'onn, lovingly

"Hey, youre afraid of fire!"

"Well, lets not talk about that. The only important thing is that you are all right, my love."
sighed him.

Then the Pantehon charged in. Joe, gun in hand ready to fire, stopped in mid-battle cry.
He saw two tall and green figures hugging.

"Relax, troops. Theyre just fine."

Ozbat! Was the first to see the monsters. He was looking at the purple stains on the floor.
They were only stains, completely still. Or were they? He looked more carefully. They
were shaking. And then, as fast as the eye can see, the stains merged into separated
chunks,
creating not one, but seven different monsters.

"Uh, guys?" stammered Ozbat! "I think we are in deep sh"

"Its moving" screamed A'nne, looking over J'onns shoulder. "They are back alive!" The
seven tarantulas attacked as many heroes they could.

Then, a side wall collapsed under what seemed to be an enormous pressure. Pieces of
metal flew all around the place, striking Pantheoneers and tarantulas alike. The hole made
by the exploding wall showed that the adjacent room was dark as pitch. Then, the attack
began. Shapes, shadows and bodies of the most Dantesque picture entered the place,
striking with fury at the Pantheoneers.

"DDDDDDdddddiiiIIIIIeeeeeEEEEEE!" they hissed with hatred.

Grendel took out several monsters with his gun, and so did DaDamerican. Mope and
Hank were tag-teaming against an eagle-like serpent which spewed fire from its mouth.
gail, regina, A'nne and J'onn were fist-fighting against the tarantulas. Amazon and White
Knight kept the scorpion shaped vampires at bay.

"Any luck kevrhon?" shouted Grendel as he sliced an amoebae with his sword.

"No!" replied Dr. Fate "Try as I might, I cant pierce the barrier."

"Then try harder! I ain't dying in this $hithole, not now, not ever!"

Dr. Fate concentrated harder. He used all his strength to pierce the teleportation barrier
that kept the Pantheon trapped. A flash of light, a whiff of ozone, and the sound of a
suction cup being ripped off a wall

Hatman and the rest of the Pantheon appeared.

"Good!" screamed Amazon "Reinforcements have arrived"

Chapter Twenty-Nine
by Aquaman

SQUISH!

mope had shrunk himself inside one of the creatures.

"How do we fight these things?" he yelled, in a panic, "They just keep coming back!"

Amazon saw the sweat and the blood and she had a flashback to Halloween. She let out a
cry of rage. She swung her sword.

"The buggers are everywhere! Do your best, people! We can't lose this too much at
stake!" Joe Grendel had sometimes been the leader of this group, but only because he ran
a bar. What kind of reason was that? He HATED super-heroing. Couldn't figure why any
of these loons would want to do it. He couldn't figure IF they actually did it. He had yet
to see any real heroics from the bunch. Feh. He gave up on his thoughts and continued to
fire demon lead into the slimy little creatures.

The Mighty Hank and Hatman fought in their own corner of the warehouse the group was
in.

"Friend Hat, my Mighty blows buffet the monsters-from-beyond, but continue do they to
regenerate! What shoudst I do?"

"Hank, buddy, we're gonna hafta just keep on 'buffeting.' We've got no choice in the
matter. If they did, in fact, kill one of our own, then they're going to pay. DEARLY."

"Ah, yes. If there be one thing this Pantheon dost best, it's sticking together!"

"Ooof!" One of the creatures' tentacles had pounded Hat's midsection. "Whatever, Hank!
Fight!"

Flash to another side of the warehouse. Joe Rice was decked out in DaDamerican gear
again, much as he despised it. As he blasted his .45's at the slimy, quivering things, a tear
rolled down his cheek. Die, DIE!, he thought.

Yet another portion: Screams from the Pantheon.

Yet another: Sticky, slimy sounds.

One more: Aquaman, using his new trident to skewer the beasts. Thoughts of J'onn and
the happiness he knows with A'nne cross his mind. Just yesterday, the Pantheon boys
gave him his Bachelor Party. Will he ever know that happiness again?

"FOR DOLPHIN!" he cried.

TSR sat in the shadow, invisible.

"Why am I here?" He was shivering. "God, why? I wasn't meant for this sort of thing."
He
shivered more.

gail and Regina use lasers to cut open the squid-like monsters. They were small and made
squealing sounds to express their pain. Regina shrieked. One of the things had attached
itself to her leg. It felt like its teeth were spinning while rending her flesh. gail turned, in
horror, and finished it off. She bent over 'Gina to see how bad it was, only to have one
jump on her back.

"FIGHT! FIGHT!" yelled Joe Grendel, to the entire present Pantheon. "Don't stop!"

Still, TSR sat there, shivering and looking at his arm laying ten feet away from him.

"Don't let them get on you!" cried out redRicky, as he pulled one off of drew101, still
puzzling why he chose to wear a Wonder Woman costume.

No $#!% thought gail, doubling over in pain.

Suddenly, a loud, thunderous noise came, no, make that four loud, thunderous noises
came rumbling into earshot. It was the sound of motorcycles.

Then, the front doors were kicked in. It was hellgirl. And friends.

"You guys need some help?" hellgirl smiled.

Chapter Thirty: Biker chicks from Hell!

by Joe Grendel

Hellgirl opened up with the flamethrower strapped to her back, as did the other biker
chicks.

"Malvolio was bragging that you were going to be dead soon, Grendel," she yells over
the roar of the flames. "I had to ruin his fun: He owes me money."

"Man, I love bad girls," Grendel grinned, kicking aside a chunk of other-Hank underfoot.
The Pantheon began to rally, laying into the critters with renewed ferocity. kevrhon
abandoned his clearly futile attempt to crack the dimensional barrier and cut loose with
his spells.

The creatures, for the moment at least, were driven from the room.

Hank, hellgirl, J'onn, A'nne and Aquaman slammed and shut the doors, bracing them with
wreckage from the warehouse.

kevrhon stared hard at Grendel and the Gallaghers.

"You guys know where we are? Out with it."

Grendel looked at one of the Gallaghers.

"This is Point Zero Station, a trading post based on the Coral Reef ocean world in the
Trade Wars Universe. I used to tend bar here."

Several of the Pantheon members raised their eyebrows, surprised by this. [But you
weren't, were you, true believer? After all, you read The Secret Origin of Joe Grendel,
still available on this board!]

"So, does that mean you recognize these aliens?" The Scarlet Rob, gone gray, rubbed the
back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Yeah. The original Doctor Death sent them here, trying to kill the Joe Gallagher of the
Trade Wars Universe, Abin Joe."

"Abin Joe," continued one of the Gallaghers, "Had stumbled on Doctor Death's plan to
use J Street as a magic siphon, pumping the multiverse dry and making him the most
powerful sorcerer in all of time and space. Abin contacted Grendel, when he knew he was
dying, and explained the situation. He crossed over to Gallagher City with his powers "

"Im blocked," Grendel cut in, "Before anyone asks."

" and gave us the heads-up. We didn't trust him to stick around in Gallagher City," the
Gallaghers looked meaningfully at each other and Amazon, while Grendel just looked
uncomfortable, "So we took him along. He helped us, along with a hero called Der
Schnitzel, save the wizard Pierre L'Enfant."

Grendel, his face getting red with agitation, waved his hand angrily.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't Nemesis already go over this?"

Everyone looked at each other in silence a moment.

"Speaking of Doctor Death," Aquaman said at last, leaning on his power trident, "His son
sent me a note. Nemesis has taken his daughters hostage, and is making him serve him."

"That'd be why we can't teleport," OzBat murmured.

"So," Amazon said, "What now?"

"I think it obvious," J'onn rumbled. "We find out if everyone in the station is indeed
dead."

"Although it appears the Trade Wars Pantheon died in the attack," A'nne added.

"Well," Grendel said at last, "My ship, if it's still intact, had hyperwarp capability. If we
could get to it, we might be able to use it to crack open the dimensional barriers and get
home."

kevrhon raised a gloved hand.

"What about the Death kids? We can't leave them at Nemesis' mercy. I think we should
locate them first."

"Oh, please," Grendel said. "That would only play into Nemesis' hands. Once the children
are dead, he'll have no more hold over Dr. Death, who will no doubt kill off Nemesis for
us."

He rolls his eyes at all the stares he receives.

"If he were holding my mother and brother I'd feel the same."

gail turns her back on Grendel.

"I vote we leave Mr. Sentimentality out of our strategy session."

Chapter Thirty-One: Fear not, I HAVE A PLAN!

by Aquaman!

"OK, gang, here's what we do: We kick down these doors" J'onn started out. He was a
natural tactician that disliked being interrupted.

"Uh, J'onn? If we kick down the doors, the monsters will come after us again, and we'll
all die."

"That's a bit negative, don't you think, Rob?"

"No, no, I don't think so. Listen, I just spent about 20 minutes staring at my own severed
arm back there, and I'm pretty confident those things can and will kill us. The flames
from hellgirl's flamethrower seemed rather effective against them. I say we let them in
one at a time, and char broil them."

Startled that Rob took the gumption, J'onn replied, "Well, Rob, that's a really good idea,
but there seem to be quite a few hundred of the beasties. We don't have the time for that
while there's children in danger! Much as I'm loathe to admit it, though, you're right
about the fire thing. The energy blasts seem to disrupt them quite a bit. gail and Regina
grabbed some of the lasers you brought for us, but I'm afraid between them and hellgirl,
we
don't have the firepower for any kind of assault. You and A'nne and I can go intangible
and head for Grendel's ship. Aquaman, see if you can open up a porthole and flood out
the main warehouse that the creatures are in. That'll buy us some time."

"Right, chief."

"Grendel: Quit sulking and come here! I need you to tell me where the ship is."

"It's hopeless. You'll never find it without me. This station was designed to be a maze of
tunnels and storerooms. I'm the only one that knows URK!"

J'onn took his fingers and jammed them into Joe's head in order to form a more direct
mindlink.

"Not anymore. Let's go A'nne, Rob."

"Uh, boss? I can't open the porthole. I should've thought about it earlier I guess, but if I
could open one, I could just swim right out! I guess Nemesis, Copperfield, and Dr. Death
and whoever else thought of that " said Aq.

"Right. That gives us less time. We're going to find the ship, pilot it out of the station, and

beam all you guys out of here, hopefully before the aliens break the doors down and rend
you all to shreds." As stated earlier, J'onn was a really good tactician, but he had a lousy
bedside manner.

"Uh, OK, then. Good luck." said Grendel, smirking. They'll never pull it off!

J'Onn, already out the door, mindsaid to Grendel, I heard that.

"#%^@in' telepaths."

The rest of the Pantheon huddled together, back to back. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
 Chapter Thirty-Two: Things are worse than they seem.
by Joe Grendel

The Trade Wars 2002 Universe.

The Coral Reef World. A warehouse in the ruins of Point Zero Station.

"Any particular reason you're being so negative," redRicky asked at last. Being included
in the story hadn't turned out to be as good as it had originally sounded.

"Yeah." Grendel ran his hands through his hair. "Point Zero was designed by Space
Marines. If they got wiped out, we don't stand a chance. This universe's Pantheon hasn't
been dead for very long; the bodies haven't decomposed. Yet the aliens seem to have
wiped out all life on the station."

"I think we're all aware of that," the DaDamerican said. "That's part of the risk J'onn was
taking."

"Well," grinned Grendel. "There's no 'beam-up' technology available in this universe. The
best we can hope for is to blow one of the cargo doors, swim for the surface and hope that
J'onn, A'nne and TSRob can get us into the medical bay before the bends rip us apart."

This was a real conversation killer.

kevrhon muttered to himself off in the corner.

"Whatcha doin'?" OzBat asked.

"Contacting Marital Bliss. I've appraised her of the situation. She says Nemesis has
retaken the bar and he's been calling in our enemies to defend it. Hank, you know
somebody named Raphael Starbreaker or something?"

"Aye."

"You'll be glad to know he's back, making big threats about what he's going to do to you."

"Oh."

The White Knight leaned against the wall, looking at Grendel.

"If Nemesis wasn't the Grendel you let go "

"Shut up."

"Then who was it?"

Grendel glared at the knight.

"I told you never to mention that."

Amazon looked at the Gallaghers.

"We know."

Grendel visibly fumed.

"Yeah," one of the Gallaghers said, "It's the Joe Grendel of the KC Universe, Joe
Gallagrendel, the bartender of the Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill in Gallagher City.
Amazon visited it. He's the only Grendel who isn't corrupted and so your Joe Grendel let
him go."

Hatman cleared his throat.

"I don't mean to be the voice of reason here, but does anyone know enough about warp
engines to be able to control where we're going to go if we get out of here?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"Great " Hatman pulled his fedora down over his eyes.

***

J Street. The tower of kevrhon and Marital Bliss.

"As I see it, we have two objectives," Bliss said as she cut telepathic contact with her
husband. "First, we need to neutralize Nemesis. Secondly, he's got Dr. Death's two little
girls held hostage."

Barda, cradling a nasty Apokolips blaster, spoke up.

"If we can figure out where the girls are, we should rescue them first. Nemesis' hold over
Dr. Death will be over at that point, and we can use him to our advantage. With the super-
villains that are flooding into Grendel's Pond, we're going to need all the help we can
get."

Barda and Bliss turned toward the others.

"Starr, you're a detective, get on it." Barda looked at the others. "Buried Alien, Snap!!
Man,
Thunderbolt, Satellite, Elastic. We don't know you all too well, and this isn't your fight,
but
we could use your help. There's children in danger, and Nemesis intends to use J Street
for evil, sending super-villains into universes with no defenses against them. There's no
glory in this, but it's important."
"Hey," Thunderbolt grinned, "We're heroes."

Chapter Thirty-Three: A few minutes too late.

by Joe Grendel

J Street.

Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

Copperfield leaned against the bar, cradling his pina colada in one hand.

"Geez, it's like a meeting of the Secret Society of Supervillains in here."

"What's so secret about it?" Nemesis chuckled. "We work together, we can make the
multiverse ours. Do you know how many unprotected universes there are out there?"

Darkhalf, the Black Axxer, Killjoy and Raphael Starbreaker were discussing the conquest
of a certain pocket universe over a game of pool.

Shirad and Bloodlust were trying to dig Lucky out from behind the jukebox.

Dr. Death sat by himself, drowning his sorrows.

The Minutemen, sat crushed around one table, in similar spirits.

"Wolverine wouldn't do this," AoAMimic muttered.

"No," Cable77 said. "Although Sabretooth would."

Dom glared at him.

"We're heroes, nitwit. We don't want to be like Sabretooth."

"I do," Red Monster said. "No, I don't. Quiet, what do you know? Don't be mean to her."

Dom looked at the Minutemen.

"Look, I don't think we should be helping Nemesis any more." She looked around. "We're
outnumbered here, and I don't think we could make much of a difference fighting these
goons. Let's get back to the comic shop and find out if there's anybody left from the
Pantheon that we can help."
 Chapter Thirty-Four: Ten Thousand Spoons
by JYu

J Street.
Minuteman Comics.

The last thing in the world JYu wanted was to turn this into a habit, arriving on the scene
moments too late.

And after finding out what had happened, and who was, in part, responsible for this, he
was less than happy. To say the least.

Dear sir,

I must commend you on your recent work, everything about it is nothing short of
spectacular. My only complaint is that you can't publish this with greater frequency.

As usual, the writing was excepti

Olav looked up from his letter as a shadow suddenly fell over him.

"Olav. What have you done?"

***

Point Zero Station.

The Pantheon waited.

Hatman was practicing flipping his fedora into the air and catching it on his head.

Amazon polished her sword.

The White Knight leaned against a wall and glanced at Grendel, on the other side of the
room.

Grendel glared back at The White Knight.

And waited some more.

***

J Street.
Minuteman Comics
Were tension some sort of physical object like a cake, one might say that the level of such
present at the moment was so great that it couldn't even be cut by a knife.

For in the back of Minuteman Comics, one would find a sight rather disturbing.

"YOU DID WHAT?" Screamed JYu.

Olav tried to respond, but couldn't, his esophagus having been squeezed shut by JYu's
hand, which had pinned Olav to the wall by his neck.

"Oh, whoops." JYu released him.

Olav rubbed his neck, slowly allowing the oxygen to return to his lungs. After a moment,
he replied, "You heard me correctly. I sent the Minutemen to attack Grendel's."

"And just to get back at me?"

"Hey, I didn't know that you weren't there "

He was interrupted by a horde of Minutemen bursting through the door, led by Dom.

"It's horrid! Absoutely HORRID! We have to save them, J! Nemesis' taken over the bar
and made the Pantheon disappear!"

"Nemesis? Who's forget it. Where are they?"

"Uh, I dunno. But I bet that little freak does." She pointed to Olav and made a decidedly
wicked grin. "Spit it out, boy."

"I-I don't know! He didn't tell me!"

"Then I guess we won't be needing you anymore " She looked at Red Monster. "Enjoy,
Red."

"Let's hang him by his toenails! burn him. No, I just thing he deserves a severe scolding
Let's, like, take him on a shopping trip. Burn Him. Why don't we just cut his BURN
HIM!"

Scant seconds later, Olav cracked. "Station. Point Zero, I remember hearing him say
something like that."

"Great! Let's go!" shouted AoAMimic. The other Minutemen rallied around him and
cheered, excited that they'd finally get to take part in something as exciting as rescuing
the Pantheon.

Then someone decided to make the point: "Um, wait a minute. How do we get there?"
And a hush fell over the room.

"I can take us," chirped Cable77. "Greymalkin has teleporters!"

And once again the store was flooded by cheers. Cable77 smiled, basking in the
recognition and feeling pretty darn pleased with himself.

JYu sighed in relief and walked over to Cable77.

"All right. Let's do it already." Cable77 stared off into space, stupid grin on his face. "Um
Hello? You there, Cable?"

He crashed back to Earth.

"Oh, right." He looked at his right arm. "Professor, by (how many of us are there?)
***BODYSLIDE***"

***

Smut Station Zero

"***BODYSLIDE***" yelled Cable77 as he, the

rest of the Minutemen, Dom, and JYu faded into view.

And found themselves surrounded by women in lingerie. And men.

"Whoops," Cable77 grinned sheepishly. "Uh Professor's probably confused or something.

Yeah, that's it " He was cut off by a raven-haired temptress wearing "clothing" which did
little in the way of concealing her flesh.

"So, decided you couldn't get enough?"

"Hey, shut up! I um guys I don't know who this is ah, flonq it. ***BODYSLIDE***"

And the natives of Smut Station Zero found themselves alone again. Which suited them
just fine.

***

Point Zero Station

The Mighty Hank! had fallen asleep, using for a pillow something which at one time was
the lower leg of a Pantheonite of another dimension.

His slumber would be interrupted by the cry of a mutant fading into space.
"***BODYSLIDE***" Cable77 announced as Dom, JYu, and the Minutemen arrived.

Grendel slapped himself in the forehead. "You IDIOTS."

"And here I was thinking all this time you'd be glad to have some help. Thanks a lot!"
replied Dom.

"No, you don't get it," said Grendel, shaking his head. "See all those body parts on the
ground?"

The Minutemen looked around. Some gasped in shock.

"Yeah, that's us. From another universe, I'd guess, but us none the less. The aliens had no
problem at all tearing them apart. We stand no chance against these aliens. We're going to
die. And now that you all are stuck here with us, you will, too."

Chapter Thirty-Five: Rare Reflections

by The DaDamerican

"Great. Just great we come to your rescue only to find out we're gonna die, too. Just
terrific. I'm teleporting out of here. Professor!" Cable77 waitied for an answer.
"Professor?" JYu rolled his eyes. It's never easy. "Communications must be jammed." The
Minutemen reflected on this.

Amazon looked at her sword. She had been polishing it with mechanical motions. She
could see a warped version of herself in the golden glimmer. Her smooth face looked
tired, cracked. Her hair was in complete disarray. Only a few months ago she was new to
"Man's World." She was more innocent then, more reluctant to draw her blade. As time
went on, the saber saw more and more action. But it was for the best. She was changing
Man's
World. Or was she? Looking at her stern expression in the sword, she couldn't help but
think that maybe she wasn't changing anything. Deep down, she feared Man's World was
changing her.

The DaDamerican was unusually quiet. He had had a feeling about this. Why else would
he have brought this costume in the Jester's pouch? The Jester: That was him, dammit!
Thinking in the third person is never a good sign. But why have two separate superhero
identities? The Jester was fun. He played jokes. He made people laugh. He did good
deeds. The DC Joe Rice was the Jester. The other Joe Rices, if heroes at all, were all
DaDamericans. Why was DC Joe the only different one? His grandfather in that universe
had been the original Jester, Charles Lane. But in any other universe, his grandfather was
G.K. Harmon. Because of his uniqueness, DC Joe Rice held more sway after but Joe
didn't like thinking about that. He still wasn't sure what had happened. Instead, Joe
thought about his immediate future and the desperation therein. He should be scared, he
knew that. But he wasn't. He was unnaturally calm, like when he was in the wreck with
Mark. He checked his guns. Fully loaded. Good. He was going to need it. And what if it
wasn't enough? What if he died tonight? As much as he tried, Joe couldn't muster any
emotion about it. He would never get to love someone. Sometimes, Joe feared that the
Lords of Chaos to whom he was so intrinsically linked prevented him from deeper
emotions. Or
was that an excuse? Or did he

The DaDamerican's thoughts were interrupted by Hatman.

"All right, Pantheon. Get ready. We should hear from J'onn's team soon."

Chapter Thirty-Six: Remember when I said things were bad?

by Joe Grendel

Point Zero Station.

Aquaman cleared his throat.

"Actually, Grendel is wrong about the bends. Normally, scuba divers breathe in a mixture
of pressurized oxygen and nitrogen. At greater depths, the nitrogen settles into the
bloodstream, reacting rather poorly if one returned suddenly to a normal pressure. This is
known as decompression sickness or the bends.

"Point Zero Station, as a long-term station, can't use that mix, as the nitrogen in the blood
stream would eventually build up to fatal levels. It uses, I guess, some alternate high-tech
oxygen mixture. No bends. That's the good news. The bad news is that were still
breathing in pressurized air, to compensate for the multiple atmospheres of pressure were
under (were pretty deep underwater). If we swim toward the surface, the air in your lungs
would expand to its fully uncompressed size as you ascend.

"If you breathe out, say, into a scuba tank, you'll be just fine. If, on the other hand, you
hold your breaths, your lungs will expand to the point that they burst like over-full
balloons. This will happen within 60 feet of ascent. Were roughly 200 feet under the
surface. Too far to swim without air in your lungs." Aquaman shrugged. "Sorry."

***

J Street. The bar.

The super-villains continued to pour in: Saffron, in her self-contained cloud of psycho-
active chemicals; Mindbender, impeccably dressed in his olive Armani suit; the speedster
Ricochet and his partner Piledriver; and the Armored Division: Mantid with her cloaking,
wall-climbing armor, the energy-sword wielding teleporter Shogun, the heat-beam-
slinging Amon-Ra and the mild-mannered Weaponsmith who kept it all running.
I think there ought to have a name for this group, Nemesis thought, scratching his
whiskers and reaching for a Marlboro Red, maybe "Evil, Inc."

"Mantid!" Nemesis beckoned her over, noting his reflection in her green armor looked a
little battered-and-bruised. "Where the [bad word] did the Minutemen go?"

"Dunno, boss." Her voice crackled. "Back to the comic store, I think."

"I want you to cloak and go check them out. I have a bad idea that we haven't yet cleared
J Street of super-heroes."

***

J Street. kevrhon and Marital Bliss' tower.

"Starr has a lead?" Barda hefted her megarod. "Let's go kick some super-villain butt!"

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Yeah? So what are you saying?

by Aquaman!

The bar.

Black Axxxer and Shogun were debating the practicality of energy weapons.

Killjoy was playing "keep away" with Bloodlust. Using the cat.

Ricochet was knocking 'em back as fast as he could, while waiting for his enhanced
metabolism to kick in. He literally drank Raphael Starbreaker under the table.

Nemesis said, "Oh, god. Would somebody clean that up?"

"I think 'Evil, Inc.' is a stoopid name." added Piledriver.

"PilehicPiledriver, we can't be on anyyyy, uh, team, or anything. We're HIRED

THUGSH! We work for the highesht biddiddder! We ugh." Ricochet passed out.

"Well, you don't get a vote, anyway " Saffron was a bit pissy. The smell of nitrocarbons
will do that to a person.

"All of you, just shut u" Nemesis was interrupted by a loud crash. The door to the bar
had been kicked down, yet again.

"YEEE-HAW! ROMP 'EM, STOMP 'EM SUPER VILLAINS!" Marital Bliss tended to
get a little worked up in these types of situations it was what led her to retire from super-
heroics. Of course, kevrhon WAS in danger, so why not let it slide just this once?
Within a matter of minutes, the Pantheon's respective spouses and the entire staff of the
Starr Detective Agency were all tied snugly to chairs. I mean, we ARE talking about Evil,
Inc. here!

"So, what are we going to do with you guys, huh?" Nemesis laughed in the maniacal way
that he did.

"I say we "

"You don't get a vote!"

"SHUT UP! Nobody votes, here! I'm in charge, and I say we erase them! If you know
what I mean?" Pause for laugh. "Mindbender? If you please?"

"Why, of course, sir. How could I refuse such a gentleman?" Mindbender took his fingers
and started to rub his temples. After a few seconds of this, and some really nifty
concentric circle special effects, the hostages begin to fall asleep. Or so it would seem,
you see, their eyes were still open. Their minds had been effectively, well, blanked. What
Mindbender and Nemesis hadn't counted on was an android in the group

Chapter Thirty-Eight: I'll bet you think I didn't read Ch. 32!
by Aquaman!

Earlier, in the tower of kevrhon and Marital Bliss

Starr did indeed have a lead. It was a lead that nobody cared for, but it was a lead
nonetheless.

"Dr. Death's kids are being held in Area 51," he proclaimed.

"What the hell are you talking about?" That was Barda. Barda was angry.

"Well, as I was investigating Aquaman's initial disappearance, I found a bomb casing in

the
Potomac."

"Yeah, so?" That was Marital Bliss. Marital Bliss was itchin' fer action.

"I had my trusty android friend here analyze the components of the fragments. They were
Martian."

A clunky, 1950's-esque robot voice interrupted.

"That's all I am to you, isn't it, Starr? Your 'trusty android friend.' You've completely
forgotten that night on Raxull-3, haven't you?"
"Pipe down, Satellite! Now's no time for your clunky, 1950's-esque robot humor!" said
Starr.

"What are you saying, Starr?" That was Barda again.

"Well, I'm sure we can assume that your friend J'onn's not behind this, and the only other
place in the world that is able to successfully harness Martian technology is Area 51."

"Nifty. What are we going to do? That place is guarded better'n Fort Knox!" Marital
Bliss.

"Well, we can only hope to storm the bar and defeat Nemesis before he can contact
whoever he knows at Area 51 that's watching the children."

"B-But that's a terrible plan! Those kids could die because of our mistakes!" said a
concerned Barda.

"Well, I can't help that now, we kind of got written into a nasty jam by some punk who
didn't bother to read Chapter 32 well enough!"

"Starr, what if we go in there, and the villains decide that we're inconsequential? The
children would be in no danger at all!"

"Well, Rhonda, we're going to have to pray that's what happens! Of course, if we go in
and get captured and somehow get our minds wiped, it'll be up to the rest of the Pantheon
to save the kids, and us! Wouldn't that suck!"

Elastic decided it was time to pitch in to the conversation.

"What if we held the rest of these newcomers in wait? That way, if we somehow get
captured and have our minds wiped, we'll have reinforcements to come and save the
day!"

"Good idea! It's a good thing that the guy who wrote the last chapter forgot to include us
in the fight scene! Now we have a perfect plan!" said Thunderbolt.

The Buried Alien made a fascinating comment, "Wow, this group sure likes to
foreshadow, don't they?"

Starr said, "Let's move, people! And hope that we don't get captured and get our minds
wiped!"

abc
(already been continued)

[Sorry, true believers!]

 Chapter Thirty-Nine: Skulking through the Desert
by Thunderbolt

J Street. The Tower of kevrhon and Marital Bliss:

Thunderbolt, SNAP!!!MAN, and the Buried Alien sat, lost in thought. At last, the Buried
Alien looked up.

"What do we do if no one comes back?" he asked. "What if they got kidnapped? What if
they got mind wiped? And what about the Anti-Monitor? Wheres he been? And how
about those two alien brothers from DC versus Mar"

SNAP!!!MANs head SNAP!ped up.

"Area! 51! Save! Children!" he snapped. "Other! Questions! Unimportant! Frivolous!

Concentrate! On! Immediate! Goal!"

"My, but youre testy," Thunderbolt said.

Buried Alien began pacing the floor. "How do we get to Area 51?" he asked. "Thats out in
Nevada, and were in Washington "

"J Street is supposed to be the Nexus of All Realities, or something or maybe thats in
Man-Things swamp," mused Thunderbolt. "Anyway, if we try, Im sure all wed have to do
would be to walk out the front door "

***

" and into the Nevada desert."

Nevada. Groom Lake. Area 51. Call it what you will, its not someplace you want to be if
youre just an ordinary civilian. Even if youve got metahuman powers.

The US Government will deny that anything like Area 51 exists. It will further deny,
should the question be raised, that there are extraterrestrials of any sort, living or dead, on
these non-existent premises. And it will categorically deny, even under the most
gruesome of tortures, that these non-present aliens are secretly running the world from
their secret base deep inside this non-existent location. None of which, of course, has
prevented these selfsame non-existent aliens (for reasons apparently known only to
themselves) from constructing a bomb, coating it with adhesive, chaining it to the bottom
of the Potomac, and luring Aquaman into a near-fatal trap.

"Say," the Buried Alien mused, "is it must me, or does this place looks kinda familiar?"
Thunderbolt flexed his shoulders. Chain lightning rippled across his back. Raw and
impetuous, he was itching for a fight. Aliens. Villains. It didnt matter.

"Not to me it doesnt," he said. "Ive never been to Nevada."

"Yeah," BA continued. "Like deja vu. I think Ive been here before."

"Makes! Sense!" SNAP!!!MAN interjected. "You! Are! An! Alien! Must! Have! Escaped!
From! Underground! Chambers!"

"Wow," Thunderbolt whistled softly. "Underground chambers? Thats pretty cool!"

Buried Alien pointed off into the distance.

"We should go that way, I think," he said. "I feel a calling. Perhaps one of these
so-called Martians is signaling to me. Perhaps there we will find the answers we seek."

"And! Children!" SNAP!!!MAN added. "Musnt! Forget! Children!"

The three new heroes struck out across the moonlit sands, stealthily approaching the low
hangar indicated by Buried Alien. Super camouflage would have been an excellent
addition to their metahuman abilities. Sadly, none of them possessed any such abilities. It
didnt help that Thunderbolt kept crackling and popping like a bowl of Rice Krispies
headed toward the irredeemable side of soggy, either. They were sure to attract unwanted
attention. EXTREMELY unwanted attention.

About the only thing going in their favor was the fact that the people who actually
worked at this non-existent facility were, in fact, people. Human people. AND they were
employees of the US Government. With oodles of Top Secret, Black Project tax dollars at
their fingertips. Tax dollars secretly withheld from any version of the Federal Budget
available to the General Public. Money that many people, Conspiracy Freaks chiefly,
believed the US Government was spending on top secret projects like anti-gravity pods,
mind control, and one-world government.

Fortunately for our side, a lot of that money had been spent on high-speed Pentium PCs
with sound cards, 21-inch monitors, and the latest version of DOOM. Fully 85% of the
night security shift was completely engrossed in blasting the [very bad word] out of an
invading army of hellspawn. All as a therapeutic stress reliever, you understand. Got to
take out some of that pent-up aggression that comes from standing around all day,
guarding the secret ruling hierarchy of aliens from discovery while they plot to take over
Earth -- not that thats what these guys DID, you know.

Buried Alien, SNAP!!!MAN, and Thunderbolt made it safely inside the hangar.
 Chapter Forty: The deadly doctor
by Joe Grendel

J Street.

Leaning his head against his fist, Dr. Death II looked down into the crook of his arm on
the table. The miniature crystal nestled within glowed with a faint light.

"Good, heroes, good! The teleportation-blocking spell did drain most of my powers, but I
still had some magic scrolls.Alien Hypnosis just happened to be on of them. They planted
the bomb, and my note to Aquaman of course that boob had to try and stop Nemesis
instead of saving my little girls, but "

"What are you looking at?" Amon-Ra loomed over the magician, his solar disc cannons
gleaming threateningly.

"Nothing, nothing." Dr. Death II tucked the crystal ball in a pocket. "I think 'Evil, Inc.' is
a fine name myself, and a good idea. With the right organization, who knows what we
could accomplish."

Nemesis, wiping a glass clean with a towel, frowned suspiciously, but nodded at the good
doctor's support.

"Glad you feel that way. Copperfield, cast a detection spell. I want to see if the Pantheon
is dead yet."

Chapter Forty-One: Into the murky deep

by Joe Grendel

Point Zero Station.

Aquaman, examining his new trident, feels a sudden chill.

"OzBat," he hisses.

"Yeah?"

"This trident. Didn't the Mighty Hail! say that Hank's soul was swallowed by a trident,
which then transformed into the Uru ball-peen hammer, Henry?"

The imp, thinking a moment, nods.

"So, evil Aquaman may be a part of my future as well as my past." [What are they talking
about? See Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill: The Next Generation, now on sale in
convenient digest edition, for details, true believer! Joe "Hard Sell" Grendel] "Well," the
Sea King says, throwing off a tarp he was wearing for warmth, "I'll do some good while I
can."

He points the trident at some metal crates.

"Pantheon! We need to find some air-tight crates and find some pieces to wield onto
them."

"Huh? What are you talkin' about, Fishy?" Mope asks.

"I figured out how to get you all to the surface safely. Ever heard of a diving bell?"

Chapter Forty-Two: Participles and Plot Threads

by Thunderbolt

Point Zero Station.

"Um, I hate to be the voice of reason (again!)," Hatman ventured, "but why doesn't Fate
just sort of ease us through the wall and up to the surface in a magic bubble?"

Kevrhon looked at Hatman uneasily (which no one else noticed because his face was
completely hidden under his helmet).

"Tried that. Can't. Apparently this anti-teleportation' spell is very, very thorough." He
sighed listlessly. "I can communicate with the outside, but I can't phase us through.
Weird, huh?"

Hatman considered this.

"But phasing' isn't teleportation,' kev," he said patiently. "You have to learn to think
outside the box."

"Station," corrected The Mighty Hank! "Friend Hat, we be not in a box' of any sort,
unless by box,' thou dost mean boxed in' a very clever pun, indeed, but this is hardly the
time for ------"

"No, Hank, I meant kevrhon has to oh, never mind." Hatman sighed heavily. "Damn,
where's MIRACLE when you need him?"

The assembled Pantheon (plus Minutemen hangers-on) looked around in the darkness
(and it was very dark, since J'onn and A'nne had taken the only light sources namely, their
own bodies). As a consequence, it was impossible to tell where MRMIRACLE was.
Frankly, it was impossible to tell where anyone was, although the occasional yelp and
immediate slap had given one or two people a vague sense of where portions of gail
were, her hands in particular.
"Come to think of it," OzBat ventured, "I can't remember the last time I saw him."

***

The corridors:

J'onn, A'nne, and TSR were stealthily making their way through the twisting hallways
comprising Point Zero Station. J'onn's grasp of Grendel's ship's location notwithstanding,
Rob began to fear that they were completely, hopelessly lost. Worse, they couldn't simply
fade through the intervening bulkheads and take the more direct route because, unlike his
Martian traveling companions, Rob's powers didn't work that way. No, instead, they had
to go the long way round.

*Shh!* J'Onn signaled telepathically. *I think there's someone up ahead of us!*

Rob wiped sweat from his brow and tried to become even more inconspicuous. *Can you
make out anything definite?* he shot back.

*Wait wait I think it's *

"AAAARRGGHH!" J'onn screamed in Rob's ears and brain.

It suddenly got VERY dark.

***

Area 51:

Snap!!!Man, Buried Alien, and Thunderbolt had improbably made their way past several
security checkpoints.

"Either these guys are very, very lax, or we're getting in way to easily," Thunderbolt
whispered.

"Mastery! Of! The! Obvious!" Snap!!!Man hissed back. "Not! An! Extremely! Useful!
Super-power!"

"Shhh!" Buried Alien motioned at the others impatiently. "Do you want them to hear us?
Do you want them to find us? Do you want them to uh, oh "

Chapter Forty-Three: Wer gehen dort? (Pardon my German.)

by Joe Grendel

A voice hissed in the darkness, over J'onn's fallen form.

"Was sind Sie?"

TSRob frowned. That was German.

"Uh, hello?" He coughed. "Sprechen Sie Englisch?"

Silence. Where was A'nne?

"Yes," came the voice. "You are American?"

"Yes, who are you?"

There suddenly came the sounds of a scuffle and A'nne relit, holding a bedraggled
superhero in her arms.

"You are aliens!" The man said.

The Scarlet Rob faded into visibility.

"Well, yeah, they're Martians, but we're not associated with the aliens prowling the
station. Who are you?"

The German superhero looked up at A'nne balefully.

"I am Der Schnitzel, the famous superhero."

TSRob chewed his tongue a moment.

"Actually, I heard you retired decades ago. What are you doing here?"

"I was stranded here when a foe and I were dumped through an interdimensional conduit.
Herr Grendel got away, but "

J'onn sat up groggily.

"Blonde guy, crew cut, really mean?"

"Ja."

"We know him. He dumped us here, too. We were trying to get to a spaceship to get out
of here."

"None of zem can fly. Ze aliens haff wrecked the hulls and the flight controls."

"Well, we just need to get to the hyperwarp engine. Do you know where to find the
starship Revenge?"
Der Schnitzel nodded and led them into the darkness.

"I am sorry about attacking you, Herr Martian."

"You never would have if I hadn't been giving constant updates to The Scared Rob here."

"Hey!"

Chapter Forty-Four: The Pantheon Strikes Back

by White Knight

Point Zero Station.

A few steps closer to the 18th Hangar. (Or whats left of it)

Der Schnitzel walked forth, revealing a pronounced limp.

"You haff to understand, the ships are completely useless."

"Its only the warp engine we need," said J'onn. "What happened to your leg?"

Without warning, J'onns mind was flooded of images of alien monsters attacking; he felt
a white hot pain on his left leg and he suppressed the desire to scream. Somehow, his
mind and Schnitzels had established a link and he shared the old mans pain. Then a voice
brought him out of the mind link.

Der Shnitzel spoke.

"Der aliens are nasty. I got careless."

"We haff arrived."

The old man had not lied. The ships were completely destroyed. There was no way they
could be space-worthy. The hulls were crisscrossed with holes, some parts appeared to be
ripped to shreds by claws. A few meters behind the wrecked ships, rested the severed hull
of the "Revenge." They got close to the ship and got in to inspect it.

"The controls are damaged, but I think I can salvage some of it in order to make it
operational."

"Thats why I love you, my jolly green giant!" purred Anne lovingly. Der Schnitzel and
Scared Scarlet Rob looked to the ceiling in order to count the pins that held it together.

"Anne, cmon! Theres no time!"

"Spoilsport."
J'onn, Anne, Scarlet and Schnitzel got to work.

***

The Pantheons Temporary Hideout & Headquarters.

Point Zero Station.
Trade Wars Universe (whatever that means).

Joe suddenly got up.

"Whats with him?" asked OzBat!

"Probably wants to make a pit-stop, who knows?" answered Hatman.

"Shush, you two. Im getting a mental fax from J'onn hes got the Warp Engine from my
ship he says we got to some work to do too Yeah, You want us to cut chunks from the
walls to form some sort of bathesphere OK, J'onn, a ha you dont say? OK buh-bye!"

***

Few minutes later

J'onn, A'nne, TSR and Der Schnitzel entered the temporary refuge of the Pantheon.

"Mission accomplished. We got the engine. Why have you not done anything?"

"I had a better idea." said Joe. "Look, the stations designed with some of the best metallic
elements known. We can use that to our advantage. Instead of making a raggamuffin ship,
we can cut the whole room together and then attach the warp engine to the bottom and
pilot it to wherever we want."

"Will all the room be able to withstand the pressure?"

"It already is withstanding pressure. Look at that window."

For the first time, the Pantheon noticed a rather large window facing the ocean.

"Two-thirds of the room is in contact with the outside. We just need to cut the parts
attached to the station and were scott free. And if youre not convinced, well reinforce the
room with kevrhon and White Knights force fields."

"We prefer to call them Mystical Barriers," said kevrhon.

"Whatever. Those fields and the room ought to be enough to get us out of here."

"Sounds like a reasonable plan. Lets get to work."

The Pantheon split in teams to take on the most important task of their lives: Grendel,
J'onn, Der Schnitzel and DaDamerican tried to rewire the Warp Engine in order to make
it work again. The rest of the Pantheon got to the task of cutting the room from its
moorings. Amazons and White Knights swords struggled to cut the reinforced metal of
the station, but they were accomplishing their task. Hatman and The Mighty Hank kept
guard, but strangely the monsters were elsewhere. The Shazam! bunnies were a little
restless.

"We are done with the engine," said Grendel. "How are you doing?"

"Almost done. We need to attach the engine to the bottom and hold it fast. Then well be
ready to go," said Amazon, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"Wunderkind."

"Knight, Amazon, Hank, give us a hand," said Grendel. The trio carried the engine
outside of the room, into the hallway. "OK, now, use your swords to cut a hole in here.
This way you can get below the room and attach the engine."

Knight and Amazon drew their swords and jammed them into the floor. A couple of
minutes later, they had cut a piece large enough for Hank and the engine to fit. Hank,
Amazon and White Knight attached the engine.

"Good job, guys. Now, get topside," said J'onn.

"We are ready to go" said Grendel. "But I want to get rid of this fragging place forever.
DaDamerican "

"Yes?"

"You got any bombs left?"

"Couple of dozens."

"Good."

Joe placed DaDamericans bombs on the doors of the hallways.

"This ought to do it. The bombs will weaken the doors and the pressure will do the rest."

"Are we ready?"

"Yes. The Shazam! bunnies will be an excellent source of energy to the engine."

"Lets go."
Amazon gave a mighty heft to her sword and severed the last piece of metal that bound
the room to the station. Then, she ran inside it. Drew101 and hellgirl closed the doors and
locked them tight. kevrhon and White Knight cast the Mystical Barriers to protect the
room. Grendel flipped on the engine. The room began to move.

"Shazam!" Booom!

"Shazam!" Booom!

"Shazam!" Booom!

"Yes!" shouted Der Schnitzel. "We are free!"

kevrhon and Knight were struggling to keep the barrier functional.

"Water pressure too great but we can take it "

Once the Pantheon was at a safe distance, Grendel spoke.

"Fire the bombs, DaD."

"Sure thing, Champ."

The station rocked on its foundations and a shockwave hit the Pantheons vessel. When
they finished rocking back and forth, they saw through the window that the station was
imploding due to the strong pressure of the ocean.

"Good riddance!" spat Grendel.

"The pressure is growing weaker." said kevrhon to Knight. "You know what this means?"

"Yes. We are out of the frying pan and the fire."

kevrhon smiled.

"Not only that. We can pierce the teleporters barrier."

"Grendel, we are out of danger and in position to counter attack."

"Good!" bamfed Ozbat. "I want to do some damage!"

"Take us to a place we can not be detected by Copperfield." Said Hank, so angry he could
not Thor-speak. "Then well regroup and plan our strategy to attack."

"Sounds good. Here we go!"

In a flash of blue and gold, the Pantheon disappeared from our plane of existence.

***

1602 J Street.
Happy Hour for Villians.
Open Bar.

"Cast an All-Seeing Spell, Copperfield. I want to know if the Pantheons dead yet."

"OK." burped Copperfield. After escaping the Pantheon when that annoying Hatman had
stampeded Nemesis, he had gotten himself so drunk, he could barely walk.

"Letssss sheee Lla gniees lleps!"

The images were so blurry, he could not make out which were alcohol induced and which
were real.

"Theressh the sshhtation itshh deshtroyed burp!"

"Are you sure?" barked Nemesis.

"Shure Im shure. Now pour me another one, Mr. Tambourine Man hic!"

"Good. The Pantheon is dead. Now to proceed with the conquest of the Universe."

He failed to notice Dr. Death II going inside Grendels office.

***

Moon Unit Zappa Trade Post.

Spawn Universe.
Outside Jupiter Vega.

The Pantheon had made it safe to their hideout.

"Why did you choose this place, kevrhon?" said Amazon. "Its giving me the creeps!"

"Dont worry. Its completely harmless. Besides, no one ever visits it. It used to have a post
down at Jonahs but no one bothered to look around. Its the perfect hiding place."

"Enough with the chit-chat!" said Grendel.

"Chit-chat!" exclaimed drew101 to gail, hellgirl and Amazon. "Soo Antonio Banderas!"

"I want to put Nemesis in a hurt-locker." continued Grendel, trying not to blush.
"Yes!" crooned the Pantheon.

"Good. Heres what well do," a mischievous grin was on Grendels lips.

Chapter Forty-Five: The Pantheon die. (The end, for now.)

by Joe Grendel

The Image Universe.

"Works for me," Aquaman said, caressing his new power trident.

Hatman raised an eyebrow.

"I hope we can manage it without loss of life, but otherwise I've no problems with it."

"Good," Grendel said, his eyes gleaming angrily.

***

The CBMBU.
Area 51.

Thunderbolt roared with anger, hurling lightning every which way.

The aliens, little gray guys with big black eyes, kept coming, clambering over their fallen
comrades.

Buried Alien and Snap!!!Man ducked low, racing for the kids.

"We got 'em," B.A. shouted, "Let's get out of here!"

***

Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill.

Satellite suddenly leapt to his feet, catching Mindbender with a right cross. Brainwiping
wasn't the villain's strongest suit anyway (telepathic illusions were), and his concentration
broken, Barda, Marital Bliss and the others turned on Evil, Inc. (a working name).

Nemesis drew his sword.

"We'll mop up the floor with you losers again!"

***

In the back room.

Tears in his eyes, Dr. Death II saw the J Street Irregulars with his children.

"Thank you!" He cast a spell into the sphere, then expanded it beyond, into J Street. The
heroes and his children vanished from the Nevada desert. His girls appeared back in
Australia, the heroes on J Street. And the sparkling field extended down into the bar
below

***

The Image Universe.

kevrhon brightened visibly.

"I've reestablished my link with Rhonda! She's come to her senses and is leading the
others against the supervillains!"

Der Schnitzel leaned over to Hank.

"Your father was Der Fighting Fury, am I right?"

The godling nodded. Der Schnitzel sat back in his chair, smiling.

"He vas a good man."

[See the secret origin of the Mighty Hank: "The Self-Indulgent Digest!" for details.]

J'onn turned to Grendel.

"Are you sure you can control the warp jump? The engine's just held together by prayer.
We were lucky to end up here at this base."

Grendel looked over at him.

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

He flipped the switch on the warp drive.

The moonbase exploded.

***

The bar.

The sparkling field filled the room, bringing in Thunderbolt, Snap!!!Man and the Buried
Alien and teleporting away Evil, Inc. All except for Nemesis.
A magical projection of Dr. Death II appeared and gave the Joe Grendel of the DCU the
finger. Then, he turned toward Marital Bliss.

"Don't think this doesn't mean I won't try to kill you all the next time I meet you. But I
figure I owed you bints this one. Oh, and the Pantheon's teleport spells work again." He
vanished with a small pop.

Nemesis grimaced and pointed his sword at the heroes.

"Go on, losers! My power will help me overcome all of yours, even Barda's!"

Barda pointed her megarod at Nemesis.

"Overcome this!"

The blast knocked him through the plate glass window, out into the street, across the
street, into a collection of trash cans in front of Abdul Aziz's Pandimensional Emporium,
and into unconsciousness.

Marital Bliss collapsed to the floor, screaming.

"What is it?" John Starr knelt beside her, looking her over for any sign of injury.

She looked up, crying.

"My link with kevrhon was just severed. It's gone. I think he's dead!"

THE END?