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Pantheon Comics #9:

"Tempus Fugit"
digest by White Knight and Joe Grendel

Chapter One: Party like its 1997!


by Joe Grendel

Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

"Hey! Who's a guy got to kill around here to get some service?" The old man pounded
on the bar with the end of his scythe. "I'm not getting any younger here, you know!"

OzBat bamfed over.

"Hey, hey, I'm coming! What's the big rush?"

The customer scooped up the half-liter of Old Dominion Victory Amber Ale, downing it
in
one gulp.

"You have no idea."

The door opened and Joe Grendel breezed in, his arms full of presents.

"Merry Christmas, imp. Table three looks like it could using busing."

With a sigh, OzBat grabbed rag and flew over to the table.

"How was your Christmas, boss?"

"Pretty good. Doug got me a lava lamp red lava with yellow liquid, naturally and
Mom got me a sweater and a shirt."

"What'd they say about you suddenly being seven years younger?"

"Ah, told them I was using a moisturizer. Where's the rest of the customers?"

"Visiting or at home, I imagine. The only guy we've had in here all day has been this old
guy." OzBat leaned over toward Grendel. "He's been getting a little rowdy."

Grendel eyed the customer, now over at the jukebox, selecting music.
"Huh, don't worry about it. What trouble can he get into?" Grendel stepped behind the bar
and through the door to the back room and the stairs to his apartment.

'You Gotta Fight For Your Right To Party' began booming on the jukebox and 1996
hopped up onto a table.

"You gotta go for the gusto while you can, sonny!"

"NO!" OzBat screamed in horror. "Don't do it!"

The old man stripped off his toga and began dancing about naked.

"Oog. This is worse than seeing kevrhon in a g-string "

Chapter Two: Eddies in the time stream. (He is?)


by Joe Grendel

J Street.
The office of the mayor.

The Silver Rob hobbled over to the door to let the visitor in.

"Olga! Haven't seen you since the election!"

"Do I know Rob? You look so old!"

"Yep. Just another weirdo day on J Street." He moved painfully back to his chair, easing
into it with an audible groan.

Mayor Mope, visibly radiating power and energy, spun in his chair.

"Olga, how can I help you?"

"Well, Mr. Mayor, Sir "

"Call me Mope, please."

"Well, er, Mope, you know I am gypsy, yes?"

"Gypsy, yes," he nodded.

"Well, all gypsy woman, to certain degree have second sight. Normally, I have not so
much, but recently it has been very strong. I see dark things, Mister Mayor."
Mope frowned, glancing over at the decrepit TSR. Worse than that? OzBat was still
capable of action, as was Grendel and Wet Willie, but kevrhon, Amazon, Buried Alien
and TSRob were out of commission.

"What sort of dark things?"

"Well I see a new Hatman and Hank returning to J Street. They are no longer team. I see
old enemies, including gail2, coming back. I see a group calling itself the Joe Grendel
Revenge Squad) attacking the Pantheon), led by Nemesis."

"Which one, the DC Joe Grendel one, or the Jason Borelli villain who decided to change
his name out of the blue?"

"The Joe Grendel one."

"Mmm."

"I see Wet Willie turning evil killing the new Hank, draining his soul into his trident. I see
the White Knight beheading our Joe Grendel. I see the death of the Pantheon."

"And when will this all happen?"

"Well, much of this is tied up in these strange disturbances in the time stream, and they
seem to be hurrying it all up. This is all destined to happen before 1998."

Mope frowned. I wonder if the electorate would lynch me if I dropped this job like Borelli
did.

"Would solving the nature of our temporal difficulties prevent any of this?"

"I maybe. But at least it would give you all more time to prevent it all from coming true."

Mope stood up, chest out, ready for action.

"Well, Rob, it's clear what we have to do! Rob? Rob? WAKE UP, ROB! WE HAVE
HEROING TO DO!"

Chapter three: One-Shot Villain!


by The Silver Rob

Joe Grendel wended his merry way toward J Street, unaware that he was being stalked.
Overhead, above the glow of the streetlights, a rotund human figure floated silently
along, following Grendel's every move.

Several blocks down the street, a pair of inhumanly sharp eyes watched also.

The cold blue eyes trailed Grendel until he turned a corner and disappeared, followed by
his airborne shadow.

The blue eyes narrowed. The tall, muscular, and extremely well-endowed female figure
turned her gaze to her three companions. The wind ruffled her blonde hair and black,
furry rabbit ears.

"He turned onto J Street. I lost him."

The archer at her side seemed skeptical. "I can't believe you could still see him at that
distance. My eyes are sharp, and even I couldn't make him out that far away, in the dark!"

"I have excellent night vision, Black Feather!" the woman replied. "Our benefactor has
improved on us all. Dumb Bunny might have lost sight of her goals, but Doom Bunny
shall not!"

"I thought you said you just did lose sight of him," a burly, cloaked behemoth said
hesitantly behind her.

"Not to worry, Darkwardman, my friend," the fourth figure reassured him. "Our well-fed
compatriot will stick with him. When Joe Grendel reaches his destination, the
Hindenburg will report in to us, and the Infernal Five will close in on their quarry!" The
speaker leaned his head back and laughed evilly; the bells on his dark jester's cap jingled
faintly and his eyeglasses shone fiercely in the moonlight.

"Boy, you said it, Sardonicman!" Black Feather assented. "We'll teach that Bug-loving
freak a thing or two!"

Just then, the quartet's wrist-radios crackled with an incoming transmission.

"This is Hindenburg calling Sardonicman! Grendel appears to be headed for his bar and
grill "

"@#$%!" Sardonicman blurted out. "I should have guessed that would be his
destination! Listen to me, Hindenburg he's probably going to join up with his super-
powered allies! We've got to keep him separated and vulnerable! You have to keep him
out of that bar at any cost!"

"Roger!"

As Joe Grendel ambled toward Grendel's Pond, he noticed something odd. His shadow
appeared to be getting larger. And rounder. Altogether too round for a 6'1" man weighing
175 pounds.

Spinning around and looking up, he saw a big, fat man in green tights slowly but steadily
descending from the sky in his direction. This didn't look good. Joe dove forward and
began rolling along the sidewalk, away from the path of the oncoming weight-challenged
individual.

The Hindenburg looked suddenly frightened as Grendel dodged and left him on a
collision course with the pavement.

"I'm going too fast!" he cried in a panicky voice. "I can't pull up!"

Joe threw himself behind a parked car as his portly attacker hit the sidewalk in a
tremendous belly-flop, then exploded outward in a burgeoning ball of flame visible for
miles around.

Many blocks away, the Infernal Four watched the fireball from their rooftop. Empty static
crackled on their wrist-radios.

"%$#@ it!" Sardonicman hissed. "I warned him his new power was only good for one
try!"

Chapter four: Out with the old, in with the new


by Joe Grendel

Later.

Sheryl Crow was playing on the jukebox.

The door to the back room opened and Grendel peaked out.

"OzBat? Would you come in here?"

1996 was snoozing in a corner booth, dressed once more, and the imp nodded wearily.

"Reckon it's safe." He bamfed into the back room.

Grendel sat across from a seven-and-a-half-foot giant of a man whose muscled arms
covered the back of the sofa he leaned against. The man appraised OzBat with deep
purple eyes, tossing his black mane back over his shoulder.

"I want you to meet our new bouncer, Raphael Starkiller. He knows Hank and you'll be
glad to know he's bigger, faster, stronger, just plain mightier than the big lug."

Raphael raised one sculpted eyebrow.

"Mister Grendel," he drawled, a hint of a sneer on his face, "I keep telling you, Henry
never worked as a bouncer at your establishment. I know him very well He's learned
everything he knows from me."

Grendel, who knew all about Raphael and Hank's true relationship [See "Who's Who In
The Pantheon], looked at OzBat.

"He's half-right. Our Hank has apparently been retconned as the result of somebody's
wish in the Djinn Wish Realm. In any case, Raphael here is just what this bar needs."

Starkiller stood up, glancing at his reflection in the monitors.

"Not to mention I'll help bring in more customers on ladies' night."

With a sigh, OzBat bamfed back to the bar.

"Hank, Hank, we barely knew ye "

Chapter five: Oh, Oh, were in trouble!


by White Knight

Grendels Pond and Bar Grill.

White Knight entered the bar.

"Evening, OzBat! How was your Christmas?"

"Good, as far as I can tell." he recalled the weirdness that had happened on the days
before, but he didnt mentioned anything.

"Where were you?"

"Had some problems on the Int'E'Rnet Realm. I spent a week shut down from anywhere."

"How do you feel?"

"Well, considering our adventures, Id say that has become a little too normal."

"Yep. Know what you mean. Whatll be?"


"Im a little hungry this time. Whats cooking on the grill?"

"We got the 'Grendel Spectacular Surprise?"

"Whats the 'surprise?'"

"The meat. You can guess if it is dog's meat or dragons steak."

"Think Ill pass on that. Do you have a menu?"

Ozbat bamfed back and forth.

"Here you go."

White Knight browsed through the menu.

"Hey, Grendel has some Clarrdian dishes!"

OzBat looked at him in surprise.

"He has? Lemme see that." he snatched the menu and read; " Hummm! Joe has added
some items to the menu. Wish he had told me so."

"Be as it may, my Oz-tray-lian friend, Id like some 'Clarrdian Guacamole' and an order
of 'tacos al pastor clarrdiano'."

"Coming right up!" He bamfed to the kitchen.

***

Elsewhere.

In the darkest corners of the Universe, the forces of nature were being torn asunder by the
mighty powers of evil. A cloud of dark energies fought against the environment with
thunders and lightnings.

The fabric of space began to rip, scattering pieces of reality everywhere.

Suddenly, something was heard on the void of space.

"I must " The darkness of space was pierced with unholy light. Some planetary debris
near the place was vaporized instantly.

"I must live!" claimed the voice once more. Two small asteroids moved near to the cloud.
They were captured by it. The cloud began to shape-shift with the material from the
asteroids, among a spectacular light show. Macabre laughter and a voice once again
defied the laws of nature. " I live! I'm alive once more!"

The shapeshifting stopped, revealing a powerful human-like figure floating in space.

"You defeated me, K'yroson. But you did not destroy me!" He gestured and created
clothes for himself. They appeared on his body.

"I have my existence and my powers once again. And I shall use them to kill you! I will
feast on your corpse!" he said and with a thought, he vanished.

Grendels Pond and Bar Grill.

White Knight had finished his food.

"This was delicious, OzBat! I shall come and eat here more often."

"Thats a nice thought, Knight, but whenever Hank! gets back and sees the Viking
Smorgasbord night, you might reconsider about visiting."

"Well, I think " he stopped in mid-sentence.

"Geez, why is it that superheroes always stop in mid-sentence when something is going
to happen?" wondered OzBat.

White Knight lowered his helmet visor. He began receiving images in his head. He saw
green fields and blue skies; farmers plowing the fields, soldiers training inside a castle.
He saw apprentices practicing spells and mages teaching them. He then saw a king and a
princess standing amid a throne room with a familiar royal crest. They were visible, but
their faces in shadows.

"By the Moons of Silvermane "

"What is it, Knight?"

"I cannot believe what I see," he murmured almost to himself. He focused his gaze on the
royal-like figures. "It's her it's him!" he said as the shadows disappeared from their faces.

"Hello! I'm waiting!"

"Princess Lesley is alive! So's King Anduinson! I can see them!" his voice was filled with
joy. The vision stopped.

"Waitaminute, Knight. Werent they dead?"

White Knight stood up from the table, paid his bill and made haste to the door.
"Thats what I thought, but"

"But what? They died! You realize this might be a trap?"

White Knight stood silently.

"Then why would the armor show me those visions?"

"Hey, Im a barkeep, not a pot-devisor. And we are beginning another Pantheon adventure,
so this might be dangerous."

"I know that there are risks, OzBat. But this is something I have to see."

"Well, at least you can take one of us with you; you know, some back-up?"

"Wise idea. Look, let me go ahead and check everything out. If it turns out to be a trap "
he took an amulet from his pouch and gave it to OzBat "this will beckon you and show
you the path to Clarrd. If everythings all right, Ill return here myself and youll buy me a
drink. Fair enough?"

"OK" He pocketed the amulet.

White Knight stepped outside the bar and flew towards space.

A figure located within the shadows right next to Azizs Emporium talked to a walkie-
talkie.

"The Knight has left the building."

"Excellent. Everythings according to plan. Ill tell the other team to be alert on the
Knights arrival. And Ill dispatch some more elements to snatch Grendel once more.
Command post out!"

"Grendels post out."

Chapter six: Twin Peaks time on J Street


by Mope

J Street.
The office of the mayor.

Mope paced before a large chalkboard dotted and lined with all the names of the
Pantheon members. He paused and raised a small recorder, set on "voice-auto."

Mope: Mickey I'm faced an unusual conundrum. I have at my disposal some of the
greatest heroes of any dimension to face what may be a great evil, but the time-twist that
we find ourselves in makes organizing them difficult and determining the course of
solution harder. Attempts to find J'onn or A'nne have failed. I can only hope for the best.
Hank and Hatman both are likewise missing. I need counsel, Mickey. I think you'll see
what I mean someday good counsel can never be over-rated. Unfortunately many I would
normally counsel: Kevhron, Grendel, TSRob they're each in their own states of dismay
from this "time-twist." (Mope looks again studiously at the array of lines mapping out the
different time-altering effects on the board.) Hmmmm this board helps me visualize
things a little better, but perhaps we could be better served by a grander display.

BZZZT.

TSRob: (over intercom) Mayor Mope, your mail has come in. Would you like to see it?

Mope: Hmmm yes, that'll do, Rob.

TSRob: I'm on my way in sir. (Mope can actually hear the creaking of TSRob's knees as
he stands up in the nearby office)

Mope: No, that's OK Rob, I'll come get it.

Mope to recorder: Mickey. I can only wonder why am I the only Pantheon member in J
Street who has had no noticeable changes? I did have an incident with my alarm clock,
but that could be pointed out as a temporal displacement on the clock, not me. (puts down
recorder)

Mope goes and gets the mail. TSRob points at the junk mail with a long scary finger, and
Mope nods to junk it. On a second pile are various PR/interoffice memos which Mope
motions to have put on the massive "To Do" pile. Off to the side are three separate private
letters. Mope takes these three into his office.

The first letter is postmarked Ivy Town, DCU.

Dear Mope,
Happy Holidays once again! My memories of my time on J Street are already fading fast,
but I do remember that it was a fun ride. Things are pretty OK here I guess, although I'm
a kid again, and that kind of sucks. Hey, the way you took out Santa and his elves was
pretty amazing. Have you ever considered joining the Justice League? I wish I could. I
used to be Justice League! I used to be big-time! Justice League, man! Oh, but well
enough about me.
It was fun getting back together with my old "sidekick" even if you could probably kick
my butt to Venus and again now. Regardless, I wish you the best for 97, and maybe I'll
see you around the DCU sometime?
Your old pal,
Ray Palmer (The Atom)

Next letter, postmarked Ivy Town as well:

Uncle Mope,
I got your letter and present, which were both nice to get. Things have been kind of weird
here, but that's not so surprising, huh? Mom and Dad have been not talking to each other
too much, and so I haven't been talking to them too much either I guess. Sometimes I
wish I could just jump up in the air and fly off to your J Street and hang
out with you and all of your friends, but I guess that's not very realistic for me, huh?
Things are going okay I guess in school, but I am still getting used to high school. Ivy
High is so big, and I don't really know anybody yet, so it's looking like a long 3 years yet
well, enough of my problems. I hope things are pretty cool down there in J Street, and pl-
ease call me soon!!! Maybe I could come down this summer??? Please? (hee hee) I'd
LOVE to get out of Ivy Town Well, I hope you have a great year!!!
Love!!!
your favorite niece,
MICKEY!!!!

Third letter: postmarked "FBI, Washington DC, DLU" (David Lynch Universe :)

Moe,
Happy Holidays to you and yours. I greatly enjoyed the Tibetan Yak-cheese I received
from you; it's been a long time since I've had that pleasure. I have a present for you, but
I'd rather give to you in person. That makes you wonder, doesn't it Moe?
As you've probably heard, I've had a very difficult couple of years I'm still stuck in the
Black Lodge, but I've learned to use it's dimensional properties in much the same way
you use J Street to travel inter-dimensionally. Mope, have you ever seen the Sphinx when
the paint was fresh? It's amazing.
Well, have a cup of joe on me, and hopefully I'll see you sometime!
Your old friend,
Special Agent Dale Cooper, FBI
P.S. If you need to contact me, you can call Major Garland Briggs of Twin Peaks, WA at
555-555-5555. He has "ways" of reaching me.
P.S.S. Just a reminder: The owls are not what they seem.

Mope stands quietly at his desk, still holding Agent Cooper's letter. He looks back at the
board listing all the Pantheon members and their ailments.

Mope hits the intercom:

Mope to TSRob: Rob, we need to get EVERYBODY together.

TSRob: E-ve-ry-bo-dy, sir?


Mope: Roust them out of hospital beds, cradles, gutters and lofts. I need the ENTIRE
Pantheon together pronto! We'll meet outside of Joe's. Have young Joe work on getting
seats set up out there for the older Pantheon members.

TSRob: I'll do what I can, Mr. Mayor (drifts off kind of creakily)

Mope picks up the phone and starts dialing all those "fives."

Mope: Hello, Major Garland Briggs? You don't know me, but we have a mutual friend.
Yes, Agent Dale Cooper. Can you contact him for me?

***

Young Grendel grumbled a little bit at first, but after all the disrespect he'd gotten from all
these fogies, it was nice to be recognized for the strength and vigor that he had at his
command or he thought something like that as he set up a huge 100-seat-plus audience
outside the bar. Of course after about 10 chairs, he really just had his new bouncer do
it. :)

Within minutes, Pantheon members starting crawling out of the woodwork. Mope had put
out the call, and they came as they could. Regina, MRMIRACLE (without the benefit of
his PhD), Drew101, little tyke Alien (before he got buried), and many more all gathered
for who-knows-what but they all hoped it would help solve this time-twist stuff!

Chapter seven: Time keeps on slipping, slipping


by Joe Grendel

Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

Raphael Starkiller, his black mane blowing dramatically in the winter wind, hovered near
his boss, scanning the rooftops for signs of the Infernal Five.

"Think they're involved in this time twist nonsense, Mr. Grendel?" He cracked his
knuckles, the sound scaring The Silver Rob into thinking he'd broken his other hip. "If so,
I'll grind the little dweebs into paste!"

Grendel, bottle-feeding Lucky-the-premature-kitten, smirked.

"Don't think that'll be required." He paused, listening. Lucky squirmed, sinking her tiny
hind claws into Grendel's fraternity jersey. Explosions from down the block, followed by
the sound of small arms fire, echoed crazily. "I let the Orthodox Church of A. Bug know
they were around. They've sent their paladins after them "

Mayor Mope, hovering a few inches off the ground, clapped his hands.

"Can I have your attention, please?" He was interrupted by gasps from the Pantheon.
"What now?"

"It's " kevrhon's nurse leaned over, peering at the ground, causing Grendel to twist around
crazily to look down her shirt. "It appears JYu has been reduced to a xygote!" She
scooped a little wet smear up and deposited it in a sandwich bag. "I think you'd better
hurry with your investigation, sir."

Chapter eight: Ancient Chinese secret


by Mope

Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

MRMIRACLE had better days. Not only had he lost all memory of all medical training
he might have once had, but now his Motherbox had devolved into a pocket calculator
(Texas Instruments, circa 1973).

"Oh well," he thought, "At least I'm not a zygote. YET!"

The Pantheon was in trouble, and so (almost) all of them assembled here in the middle of
J Street.

Before them, Mayor Mope hovered with a faint white aura. A close observer might have
noticed that space and light sometimes seemed to curve around Mope's nowadays

TSRob approached the microphone.

TSRob: (tapping the mike) Is this thing on? Is this thing ON?

Mope put his hand on Rob's crusty shoulder.

"That's all right, Rob."

Mope approaches the fully-functional mike.

Mope: Everybody, thanks for coming. I know not everybody can understand me real well
(Kevhron was already deeply nodding off ) but I think I've found a first-step to solving all
this. Last night, I had a dream. I didn't know what it meant then, but some pieces fell into
place, and now I have a clue maybe not a clue, but maybe the gateway to a clue. OK, let's
get started. Would everybody who has had their past affected or re-appear, please come
(or get moved) over here to the left.

JYu's zygote-on-a-napkin, little lispy Amazon, the non-buried Alien, young Joe Grendel,
the re-handed Wet Willie, The Red Bricky, Spaceman Spiff, and many others all gather
now on the left side of the street.

Mope: OK. Now, everybody who's left, if you have had your future affected or you're
older than you should be, etc., I'd like you to all be here on the right side of the street.

Kevhron's nurse wheels him to the right side, TSRob stands there, OzBat flutters over to
the right, as do many others.

Mope: OK, now whoever hasn't gone to either side come stand here in the middle of the
street.

Mope takes a step forward into the middle of the street, as does Joe's new bouncer,
Raphael Starkiller. After a hefty pause, the two weighed each other up obviously with
their gazes.

Mope: OK. I think that gives us our answers. We've got two leads. Me and Raphael. If my
dream is correct, the answer to all of this lies between the two of us.

"A very brilliant use of Tibetan logic, Mope!" a new, calm voice said from the rear of the
crowd.

Mope: Coop! Ladies and gentlemen, this is Special Agent Dale Cooper, formerly of the
F.B.I. I've called him to help us figure this out. Coop' here has experience with trans-
temporal screwiness (Dale Cooper is a key character in Twin Peaks, the super-cool TV
series created by David Lynch. To clue you in, at the end
of TP, Agent Cooper was trapped in a evil dimension called the "Black Lodge" while his
doppleganger posed as him and (we think) was posed to do bad things in his name. This
"Dale Cooper" is the good Cooper, who I'm saying can travel to the J Street dimension
through the Black Lodge (but that he can't leave J Street). Anyway, Agent Cooper should
be very beneficial to our mission.)

Cooper steps into the center of the crowd with a smooth grace.

Cooper: Mope, I think it's pretty clear what you need to do now. We need to take you and
Mr. Raphael here to someone who understands these kind of temporal disorders, and see
which of you shines in the light of the truth. (Cooper gets a funny far-away look with that
last phrase.) That, and show me the way to the nearest men's room. Mope, I really need to
relieve myself! (Cooper smiles at this point apologetically in the way only he could)
Mope: Of course. Nurse, could you show Agent Cooper the loo?

The Nurse gives him an odd look.

Mope: The men's room.

The nurse shows Agent Cooper Joe's Pub.

Agent (as he enters): Look at this wood!

Mope: OK. Normally Grendel would be our time-expert, but he's lost that knowledge in
his devolution. (Mope paused for a second, obviously deep in thought). Oh! Oh! I got it!
Excuse me folks Coop! (Mope runs for the men's room of Joe's) Coop! I've got the
answer!

Meanwhile, Agent Cooper is washing his hands meticulously and thoroughly. He has a
gleam in his eye.

Cooper: Yes. You're right, Mope. We have to take you and Mr. Raphael INTO the Black
Lodge. Before we do that though, I'd love

Mope: A cup of hot joe?

Cooper: (smiles, reaches to shake Mope's hand, looks down, smiles, then wipes his hand
on his jacket, then shakes Mope's hand.) Mope, you know what I like.

Mope: Coop, Joe's has a GREAT cherry pie

Chapter nine: Deja vu


by Joe Grendel

Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

David Bowie was playing on the jukebox. Grendel was sure he'd removed the CD years
ago.

"Ch-ch-ch-changes " Wow, that was an annoying song.

Grendel stood with arms crossed, Lucky nestled within them, leaning back against the
fish tank and glaring at Cooper as OzBat dropped a cherry pie in front of him.
"The cherry pie's pretty good, Agent Coopah, but I reckon the pecan pie's better."

"No," Cooper said through a mouthful of pie, "This is perfect. Mmmm, that's good
coffee."

Raphael, in full superhero regalia, stalked over to Cooper, then posed dramatically.

"Ready to save time and space?"

Grendel held up a hand.

"HOLD IT. Hank used to pull this crap all the time. So does OzBat, come to think of it."
He smacked the imp in the back of the head. "I didn't say you could leave."

"Mr. Grendel," Cooper looked up, pleadingly, "Raphael is an important part of our
investigation. We'll try to have him back before too long."

Grendel snorted.

"Why don't you just check out the mayor's office? My powers are as sharp as they used to
be: There's all sorts of time/space folding around there."

OzBat rolled his eyes.

"Sour grapes isn't very attractive, boss."

Grendel slapped the back of OzBat's head again, then carried Lucky to his apartment
upstairs, slamming all the doors in between.

OzBat grinned a cock-eyed grin, rubbing the back of his head.

"Boy, the more things change, the more things stay the same."

Chapter Ten: Deja who?


by The Jester

Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

Los Straightjackets was playing on the jukebox.

The assembled Pantheon was ready to go into action.


The door opened. In walked The Jester.

"Hey, guys. Did I miss anything?"

The Pantheon stared at The Jester. Minutes passed.

"Oh, don't tell me you're involved in a temporal displacement scheme, a replaced Hank,
dire prophecies, and the life of Special Agent Dale Cooper! That is so five minutes ago!"

The Jester was met with a collection of exasperated sighs, grunts, and enraged shouts.

"So, Coop how's Annie? How's Annie? HOW'S ANNIE? Heh-heh-heh!"

"Not funny, Mister Grendel. And she is fine."

Mope approached the Jester.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CONTACT YOU!"

"Sorry, Mopester. I was busy on Earth A. Ashland was in dire need of my particular
talents. It was a close one, too! It ended like this "

"That's really fascinating yawn but we need to get moving."

"Well, yer Honor, what are you waiting for? Let's make like the shepherd and get the
flock out of here!"

Chapter Eleven: The Young and the Clueless


by The Silver Rob

Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

Inside, OzBat bamfed to the table where The Silver Rob and his old, I mean old, really,
really old pal kevrhon were settled in to unwind a bit while waiting for word on the
mayor's investigation with Special Agent Cooper.

"Heineken," ordered TSRob.

"Um I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for some ID " OzBat said hesitantly, staring at
TSRob in confusion.
"What? C'mon, OzBat, you know I'm over well, I'm over 21, anyway!"

kevrhon glanced up from his menu.

"Yikes!" he blurted. "Rob, you're little!"

"Hey, who wouldn't look tiny, next to you "

"No, he means " Ozbat bamfed away and bamfed back holding a small hand mirror in
front of The Silver Rob, who stared in amazement at his reflection. He appeared to be
about twelve years old, and was wearing red swim trunks over jeans, sneakers, a red T-
shirt, and an old red Superman Halloween cape

"Oh, man!" he mumbled. "How embarrassing! I've become The Scarlet Bobby!"

Huh? thought kevrhon hazily. He's turned British? Bad enough I have to figure out
OzBat's accent!

"How could this happen?" TSB wailed. "How could I change again?"

"Well, let's face it, Rob er, Bobby you're not exactly the most stable member of the
Pantheon," kevrhon said gently, with a bit of a wheeze.

"Me?" TSB yelled. "I'm practically the only one who hasn't had an evil duplicate yet!"

"Well, you don't really need one," OzBat offered. "You're sort of your own evil duplicate
all by yourself "

"I really need a Yoo Hoo " The Scarlet Bobby muttered.

***

A bundle of sentient energy hovered in the air above Grendel's Pond Bar & Grill.
Invisible to passers-by, it slowly became aware of its own existence

Whoooooaaaaaa! it thought. I was sure I was a goner when I slammed into that
pavement! I wonder if I sustained any nerve damage? I can't seem to feel my arms and
legs

***

Back inside, OzBat was embroiled in debate with The Scarlet Bobby over the contents of
his Grendel's Pond Happy Meal.

"I don't want a Regina action figure!" TSB whined. "They don't do anything! How about
a gail with Light-Up Power Scrunchie?"

"Sorry, this week is Regina week," OzBat insisted, feeling a bit guilty. The way Grendel's
sold Happy Meals, every week was going to be Regina week for a long, long time. "But
Regina is gail's best friend "

"Oh, big whoop!" TSB spat. "Pete Ross was Superboy's best friend, but he was dumb
anyway!"

"Pete Ross was not dumb!" OzBat bristled. "He learned Superboy's secret identity but
kept it to himself all those years!"

"Well, there you go," kevrhon cut in. "If he'd been smart, he'd have sold the information
to Luthor for big money!"

"Luthor would have double-crossed him! He'd have been dead meat!" OzBat insisted.
"You think Pete didn't know that?"

"You know what would be really neat?" TSB suggested. "A Tickle Me Hatman!"

Joe Grendel stopped at the table on his way to the Wurlitzer.

"Sorry, kid!" he put in. "But did you know that's the new Tickle Me Regina doll?"

"No!" said TSB. "Really?"

"Yeah, but whatever you do, don't tickle it!" Joe added. "If you do, it says a bunch of
grown-up words and smacks you silly. And then tells your parents."

"Oh," TSB said despondently. He pushed the Regina figure carefully to one side and
covered it with his napkin.

No one noticed the faint cloud of sentient energy floating through the bar

A short while later, kevrhon was settling up at the register, a bit annoyed because The
Scarlet Bobby only had 38" in his pocket.

"Great," muttered OzBat. "Guess he'll be leaving the tip."

In the brief silence between jukebox tunes, a distinct tearing sound was heard.

"What was that?" OzBat asked.

"It sounded like someone tearing the plastic away from the cardboard backing on an
action figure box," The Scarlet Bobby answered without hesitation. "Say, Joe, you
wouldn't happen to know what the child labor laws are in DC? I need to check that out
before my boss gets back," he continued.

"Got what you need right here, my friend!" Joe answered, reaching under the counter and
handing TSB a bright-colored pamphlet, illustrated with smiling, bald-headed cartoon
characters, and titled What You Need to Know About Exploiting Children!

"Say, Scarlet Bobby (snicker!), don't forget your Tickle Me Regina," said OzBat, bamfing
over to bus the empty table and then examining the empty packaging in vague surprise.
"Oh, you remembered "

"I don't have it," TSB said with a blank look.

Everyone present overlooked the tiny Regina action figure crossing the vast expanse of
bar floor, keeping to the shadows, heading toward the door

Got to get out of here, it thought. I've got to find the others I don't dare attack Grendel by
myself not in this condition

Chapter Twelve: Baby's Day Out


by The Temporary Guy

The world seemed different. Slightly askew. Buildings seemed bigger than ever, while the
ground wasn't as far away as before. And the walk to Grendel's Pond was taking about
four times longer than usual. Of course, big changes are bound to be in store when you
regress to age 6 in your sleep.

The Temporary Boy made his was down J Street, dragging the remains of his sidekick,
Decomposing Gene, behind him like a security blanket. He wandered past an alley where
he saw Spider-Man, the Hulk, the Fantastic Four, and various members of the Avengers
and the X-Men huddling around makeshift fires, trying to keep warm, wondering if
Acclaim or Chaos! were hiring. Poor bastards, the Temporary Boy thought. Should've
stuck with Revlon.

He crossed the street and entered the Pond. He saw Grendel and made his way over to
him, catching quick glances at the Scarlet Bobby, who had regressed like him, and
kevrhon, who sat face-down in a bowl of Cream of Wheat. Grendel spotted him.

"Well, it's the Temporary Guy or Kid. I see that new utility belt isn't quite fitting yet.
Maybe I could interest you in this special Fisher-Price model."

"Shut up and give me a drink," the Temporary Boy muttered.

"Sure. Do you want a Shirley Temple or a Nutter-Butter shake?" the smirk on Grendel's
face grew wider.

The Temporary Boy was about to retort when he noticed a man in a dark suit at the end of
the bar. He was speaking into a tape recorder, discussing nap-time with someone named
'Diane.' The Temporary Boy turned towards the Jester.

"Who's that?"

"That's Special Agent Dale Cooper, FBI. He's here about the temporal problems we've
been having."

"Huh." The Temporary Boy thought. "That would explain why I saw Fox Mulder in drag
outside."

Cooper walked over to him.

"Oh, that's my associate, Dennis. He'll be assisting me on this case."

The Temporary Boy hopped off the stool and walked over to where OzBat and TSB were
talking. TSB looked as though he'd been crying.

"What's wrong with him?"

OzBat, shaking his head, kneeled down before the Temporary Boy and whispered "He
lost his Tickle-Me Regina doll."

"I see. Well, now that Christmas is over, the retail on those should go way down. He'll
have no problem replacing it." The Temporary Boy glanced around Grendel's Pond. The
Mighty Hank! was gone, replaced by a rather large, sinister looking figure. Outside, he
caught a glimpse of four evil versions of DC parodies skulking about the street. And he
was certain he'd seen an animated Tickle-Me Regina crawling away by itself. This led to
only one inescapable conclusion.

"I think I just wet myself."

Chapter Thirteen: The White and the Dead


by White Knight

While TSB and Ozbat were discussing the whereabouts of the wrongly neglected "Tickle
Me Regina," a strange noise was heard inside the bar.

Everyone looked around trying to find out the source of it. Finally, all eyes rested on
Ozbat! He knew the origin of the noise.
He reached inside his costumes pockets and took out the amulet White Knight had given
to him just before he left to investigate the disturbances in his "dead" home planet.

The amulet glowed with such an intensity, it made everyone in the bar squint. They
looked like a bunch of Captain Marvels (or Charles Fleischers Superman). The shield-
shaped amulet projected an image against the closest wall.

It showed a battle between demons and White Knight. He was outnumbered and
overwhelmed. He kept fighting and fighting, but he began to fall. And finally, a demon
took the Knights sword and thrust it into the Knights chest. The demons screamed with
pleasure.

Suddenly, a figure blocked the transmission. He looked at the Pantheon gathered inside
the bar.

"White Knight is dead. Dont try to avenge him."

The image faded and the amulet went dead.

Chapter Fourteen: The Twin Peaktheon Who's Who


by Mope

The Pantheon's Twin Peaks Cast

This little cast should help everybody figure out their places, or just what the heck's
going on. If you don't know anything about Twin Peaks, hopefully this won't seem too
"in-jokey."

Special Agent Cooper as Himself


FBI Agent Albert Rosenfeld as Himself
FBI Agent Fox Mulder as DEA Agent Denise Bryson
Mayor Mope as Sheriff Harry S. Truman
Raphael Starkiller as Deputy Andy Brennan
Regina as Audrey Horne
Gail as Donna Hayward
Young Joe Grendel as James Hurley
A'nne as The Giant from Another Planet
J'onn as Senor Droolcup, the Giant from Down the Hall
Kevhron as pretty much every senior citizen in the show wrapped up in one
OzBat as the Dancing Dwarf
GREEN ARROW as FBI Agent Gordon Cole (THINK ABOUT IT)
If anybody thinks of any other fun character matches, feel free to write them into the
story!

Chapter Fifteen: Into the Night


by Mope

White Knights amulet went dead.

Little Amazon: We'the goth to helpth him!!

The rest of the Pantheon Babies echoed Amazon's concern.

Mope stepped out, looking a lot like a kindergarten teacher corralling the kids after
recess, "No, no, unfortunately we won't be able to."

Mope: I've been reluctant to bring this up, but it has come to my attention that many of us
face potentially gruesome ends if this time-turmoil is not solved soon. As The Red
Bricky's appearance, as well as the re-appearance of the Lie-Field last week show, many
elements
of our past, and our future are coming back. This means that at any time, Malvolio, Dark
Timmy Grey, Fanboy, even Galactus could potentially re-appear at full-power, ready to
decimate us. I could probably hold off attackers for awhile, thanks to my new-found
strength, but even that wouldn't last.

Agent Cooper (looking up from an obviously intense chat with Dennis/Denise) What we
need to do is clear. We need to venture into the White Lodge, and determine the source of
this temporal flux. Venturing into the Lodge is extremely dangerous, and is best done as a
team effort, although ultimately each man must face his own will within the lodge. Do
you have any telepaths that can help us from outside the Lodge?

Kevhron/Fate's head bobs up from his soup (think Leo Johnson :)

Mope: Hmmm, yes, Kevhron would normally be a good candidate, but J'onn and A'nne
would really be

A spotlight appears on the far side of the bar. Mope notices that time has apparently
stopped still, except for him. A figure emerges beneath the spotlight. It is a large green
giantess A'NNE!

A'nne: I will tell you three things. I cannot be with you on this journey, but I will be with
you in other ways. When I tell you these three things, you will find them to be true, and it
will be good. #1 The coffee cup is thick. #2. A universe lies within you. #3. Death is not
the end, but a beginning. (The spotlight fades, A'nne disappears.)
Mope pauses as he adjusts to time starting again.

A tall, extremely hunched, aged figure appears at the entrance to the tavern.

The Pantheon: J'ONNNNN! (sounds just "Norm!")

J'onn has obviously aged terribly, but he still has a good smile and a good spirit. After
trying to take a few tiny steps which is made difficult by his extreme age, J'onn shifts to a
more comfortable floating stance.

J'onn: One and the same!

Out of nowhere, a seductive jazz-shuffle is heard.

Regina appears at the door to the pub, dressed in an angora sweater and bobby-skirt. She
appears to be de-aged back to her teen roots.

About half the Pantheon drools as Regina saunters over to Agent Cooper.

Regina: I heard you were in town, my special agent.

Cooper grins goofily.

Mope to J'onn: (shouting a little so J'onn can hear him) J'ONN, it's GREAT you could
MAKE IT. We're REALLY going to need YOUR HELP.

J'onn smiles: Mope, I'm telepathic. You don't even have to speak, remember? (Gives
Mope a "thumb's up")

Mope thumbs up back to J'onn.

The cavalcade of returning characters continues

The doors to the pub bang open, as a tight-looking man in a tan trenchcoat enters. It is
Agent Albert Rosenfeld of the FBI. He looks irritated.

Albert: Who's in charge of this two-bit dimension?

Mope: That varies, sir, but I'm the Mayor of this place. Can we help you? (Those last two
words are strained and agitated.)

Cooper: Albert, let me introduce you. This is Mayor Mope of J Street, an old friend of
mine. Mope, this is Albert Rosenfeld. His mannerisms and modus operandi may appear
strange at times, but believe me, he's got a heart of gold.
Albert harrumphs. Mope extends a hand to shake, and Albert looks first, then at Cooper,
who gives him a "thumb's up," and then Albert reluctantly shakes Mope's hand.

Mope: As I was saying, we need to get moving and fast. With J'onn here, I think we'll
have the telepathic anchor we'll need.

Cooper: Right. We have to get to Glastonberry Grove in Twin

Young Joe Grendel: You mean the legendary burial place of King Arthur? The place with
all the circle of sycamore trees and the black gooky oil?

Cooper (obviously astounded): Yes.

Young Joe Grendel: Ah, that's out back behind the bar. I like to go back there on lunch.
Here let me show you.

A large group of Pantheon members (Mope, J'onn, Agents Dale Cooper, Denise Bryson,
and Albert Rosenfeld, Regina, TSBobbie, OzBat, and many others follows young Joe
Grendel through the back of the pub outside.)

It's dark out suddenly. The back door of the pub opens up to a wilderness setting. The
door is obviously some kind of interdimensional portal. The Pantheon members each step
foot into the woods. Before them is a circle of thin, leafless sycamore trees. In the center
is a
strange pit of tar-like goo, with white ashy stuff around it.

Denise Bryson: I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto.

Chapter Sixteen: She's Got Laura Palmer Eyes


by The Temporary Guy

The air surrounding the gathering of Pantheon and FBI Agents glistened with the ancient
magic associated with the time of Arthur. As the Temporary Boy looked past Grendel and
Cooper into the swirling ebony pool.

He cautiously asked, "What is it?"

Cooper looked down at him, a smile on his face.

"This is the burial ground of King Arthur. It is also the location of the Nexus of All
Realities, a portal that will lead you to any number of dimensions. We can access the
White Lodge from here."
"Wait just a minute!" The Temporary Boy pointed at the obsidian goo. "'The Nexus of All
Realities?' Isn't that in the Everglades in Florida?"

"Where have you been?" the young, suave Joe Grendel piped up. "They tore that place
down, put up a 7-11. It hasn't been around since the Man-Thing had his own book."

"Oh." He looked at the pool again. "How do we do this?"

"Hey Joe?" OzBat called from behind. "Scarlet Bobby's eating the white, ashy stuff!"

"Well, make him stop! Jeez, Robert Young you ain't!" He turned back towards the
Temporary Boy. "We have to wade into the pool to get to the White Lodge. But we must
be careful. Any straying from the path, and you could wind up in another dimension. You
could wind up in the Extreme Universe."

A group shudder rippled through the crowd like Orson Welles laughing.

"Wait a minute! We're supposed to just jump right into this thing? Isn't that what killed
Tasha Yar?"

"That was something else," Cooper returned, checking the night sky for signs of trouble.
"We need to hurry. The alignment of the stars isn't necessary, but it certainly helps in the
direction we take."

"Are you sure that this didn't kill Tasha Yar?"

"Look you little punk," Albert Rosenfeld grabbed the boy by the lapels of his trenchcoat
and shook him furiously. "We don't have time for this! The fate of the world, possibly the
universe, is dependent on our getting to the White Lodge, and we certainly don't have
time to be discussing in great detail the subtleties of the works of Gene Roddenberry! Do
you understand?"

"Yeah, I understand." The Temporary Boy waited until Rosenfeld left before he muttered,
"I'd like to find you wrapped in plastic, moron."

"We need to go." Cooper started into the pool, which started to swirl as he entered.
"J'onn, A'nne, we'll need you to keep telepathic contact with us, to lead us back home
when we're done. That is if we finish."

"Don't worry, Dale. We'll be here."

Cooper gave a thumbs-up as he descended into the murky depths.

One-by-one they followed until only J'onn, A'nne, a sleeping kevhron and the Temporary
Boy remained.
"Aren't you going?" A'nne asked.

"Yeah, I'm going, I'm going. Could you watch over Gene for me until I get back?"

"Sure. Good luck, Temporary Guy."

"I'm gonna need it." He entered the pool, and the nerves in his legs were automatically
numbed. He'd never felt anything like this.

"Temporary Guy!" kevhron suddenly snapped awake, and stared directly at the rapidly
submerging hero. "Tell the others what I'm about to tell you. They will have to face their
own darkness. They may want to wipe their hands clean of their sins "

"So?" the Temporary Boy's head was barely above the surface.

kevhron leaned forward, his wizened frame suddenly seeming more commanding as he
whispered "The Towels Are Not What They Seem."

Chapter Seventeen: Under the Sycamore Trees


by Mope

Glastonberry Grove
Nine hours later

The aged Kevhron, J'onn and A'nne have set up a small camp, waiting for signs from the
Lodge. Nine hours have passed already, although to the Pantheon and the Agents, a
second hasn't even passed yet.

J'onn: *I feel them. They have split in two groups. Each of us must concentrate on one of
them.*

A'nne: *I am with Mope and those he is with.*

J'onn: *I am with Joe Grendel and those he is with.*

Kevhron: Umm I can't feel anything yet, but I'll try!

J'onn: (in an obviously otherworldly state of mind) *Twelve sycamore trees stand, and
twelve went in. Now the twelve are six, six *

Kevhron: Uh ... (lapses into a trance of a sort.)

***
The places referred to as the "The White Lodge" and "The Black Lodge" are really one in
the same. The difference between the two is what emotion a person can emote while
inside. If that emotion is love, the White Lodge can be reached. But if fear is released, the
Black Lodge is entered, and many that have entered the Black Lodge have never left.

The first room that one finds themselves in is the "Red Room." It is a waiting lobby of
sorts, but as it exists on a plane of reality far beyond our understanding, it is possible for
there to be thousands of people waiting in the Red Room, and for them, time does not
pass as it does anywhere else.

Tonight, two rooms are of interest to us. In both, a second has not even passed, but to
those waiting outside, nine hours have passed. Time here passes so quickly or so slowly
just like a dream.

In each Red Room, six figures find themselves sitting.

The first: Mope, Special Agent Cooper, Agent Denise Bryson, Agent Albert Rosenfeld,
TSBobbie and Regina are seated in a semi-circle of cozy smoking lounges, with Regina
stretched back in a fine chaise lounge chair in the middle of the semi-circle.

In the second: Raphael Starkiller, young Joe Grendel, OzBat, The Temporary Boy, the
Jester, and Gail are seated. Here, OzBat is in the center of the semi-circle. He's wearing a
little red lounge suit, and is back to his regular age. When he moves, it's in a jerky stilted
fashion, like time for OzBat has been dumped in blender and given back to him to act
out.

In each of the rooms, a singer appears. It's jazz legend Jimmy Scott! He sings:

Jimmy Scott: "Under the sycamore trees, in the still. And you'll see me, and I'll see you,
in the branches that blow. In the real. I'll see you in the trees. I'll see you in the trees.
Under the sycamore trees.

(The spotlight on Jimmy Scott fades, and so does the singer.)

Each person finds themselves with a cup of coffee in their hands

Chapter Eighteen: An enemy rises


by White Knight

Planet Clarrd.
N'har the mage stood atop a small mountain and surveyed everything around him.

Two years ago, the battle with White Knight and the armies of King Anduinson had
almost destroyed him. But the teachings he had received when he entered the Council of
Mages had made him resilient.

He had cursed himself over and over for making the mistake of possessing Lesleys body,
thus rendering himself vulnerable to the Knights sword. He had been floating around,
discorporated and powerless until someone had pulled him together. He gave him the
energy to re-shape himself. His desire to live did the rest. There had only been one
condition.

"You must kill Joe Grendel."

And N'har, after all his evil, was a man that kept his word.

He had lured White Knight into Clarrd with fake visions of the restored planet. Capturing
him with his demon legions was child's play. Killing him was a necessary thing. This way
he could send him to kill this "Grendel."

"K'yroson, rise!"

The corpse of White Knight rose, shakily.

"I command you here is your sword go to J street Kill Joe Grendel."

The eyes of the Knight were empty, lifeless sockets.

"I obey "

White Knight flew towards the sky, in direction of J Street.

Chapter Nineteen: Red Room, Red Room


by The Scarlet Bobby

The Red Rooms.

Agent Denise Bryson looks around the first red room.

"You know, I have a pair of Speedos exactly the color of those drapes!"

The Scarlet Bobby holds a pack of Juicyfruit out to Denise.


"Gum?"

"I'll take a piece!" Regina cuts in, grabbing a stick. She pops it into her mouth, chews
briefly, then spits out a tiny, detailed gum sculpture of the Kingdom Come Gulag.

Agent Rosenfeld takes a big swig of coffee; he tries to keep silent, but cannot.

"That's just unnatural! you all disgust me! Youre a bunch of immoral preverts!"

In the other red room, the Jester is dressed in really bad drag as a diner waitress with a
ratty blonde wig. He hums the theme from Mod Squad.

"Who'd like some pie?" he asks, reaching behind his back.

Young Joe Grendel waves his hand excitedly.

"Me! Me! Is it cherry pie?"

"No!" the Jester answers. "Custard!" He whips out a big, foamy custard pie and smashes
it all over Joe's face.

gail produces a small log from under her sweater. She listens to it intently.

"Mmm hmmm oh, I see! You don't say " She looks up at the others. "Mark Waid says
Phoebus is Firestorm's heir!"

In the first red room, Mope smacks The Scarlet Bobby in the back of the head.

"Just wait until I write your 6-month performance evaluation! Gail is supposed to be
Donna Hayward!"

"Ummm " The Scarlet Bobby hesitates. "I'm not allowed to drink coffee!" Without
warning, he flings himself down on a copy of Crisis on Infinite Earths #8 and begins
screaming, "Kara! Kara! Kaaaaraaaaaaaaa!" When the others pull him to his feet, his hair
has turned snow white.

In the other red room, OzBat, dancing a herky-jerky Batusi, says, "Aaaamm glad aaaamm
nah teen thair ruuuhhhmm!"

Chapter Twenty: The Lynch Mob


by The Temporary Guy

The scream pierced the cold night like a Marilyn Manson video. A'nne and kevhron both
looked over to see J'onn, wincing in pain, struggling to maintain his link with Joe
Grendel.

"What is it?" A'nne asked, concerned. In all of the years she'd loved J'onn, she had never
heard him scream like that.

J'onn turned to her, sweat pouring from his Martian brow. Between clenched teeth he
muttered, "Nobody ever told them about our race's vulnerability to custard!"

"Custard?" kevhron forced himself to his feet. "I thought it was fire!"

"It is!" J'onn snapped back. "Fire and custard, okay?"

"What a sissy weakness!"

A'nne turned to face kevhron.

"You wouldn't understand, all right? So just sit down, you awful, awful old man!"

kevhron plopped to the ground. As he started to cough something foul up, he whispered,
"I like custard."

Meanwhile

OzBat wandered through the Red Room, passing each of the inhabitants until he reached
Joe Grendel, wiping the custard pie from his face. He glared up at OzBat and muttered,
"Yes?"

"Eraweb, Eoj Lednerg. Eraweb fo eht Etihw Thgink. Eht Thgink si ton tahw eh sraeppa ot
eb. Eh stnaw ot llik uoy."

"Huh?"

Across the room, the Temporary Boy, Jester, and gail all sat watching OzBat do his
strange little dance. The Temporary Boy turned to them.

"What in the hell is he talking about?"

"I have no idea," replied gail, shaking her head in dismay. The amethyst scrunchie
glistened in the ruby light.

"I think it's Esperanto," the Jester interjected, leaning in close. He noticed the glares from
gail and the Temporary Boy. "OK, maybe not."

"He's saying one of your own may cause your undoing."


The three turned around to see a large figure coming out of the shadows. The light
reflected off of his beak as his feathers rustled against the scarlet curtains. It was an owl.
It was a big owl.

It was Woodsy the Owl.

"Who are you and what do you care?"

"Hey!" the owl shot back. "I give a hoot. I'm telling you that one of your friends is not
what he seems."

The Temporary Boy spoke up.

"Is our friend a towel?"

gail looked at him.

"Why in the world would we be friends with a towel?"

"Never mind."

The Jester leaned forward.

"Is it someone in this group, the other group, or back in the real world?"

Woodsy's eyes narrowed (No small feat, mind you).

"It is difficult to say at this time. You must be cautious." And he was gone.

"Well," the Temporary Boy muttered. "There's something you don't see every day."

gail looked back at OzBat and Grendel, then towards the door.

"I wonder how the others are doing?"

Chapter Ten: Deja who?


by The Jester

Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

Los Straightjackets was playing on the jukebox.

The assembled Pantheon was ready to go into action.


The door opened. In walked The Jester.

"Hey, guys. Did I miss anything?"

The Pantheon stared at The Jester. Minutes passed.

"Oh, don't tell me you're involved in a temporal displacement scheme, a replaced Hank,
dire prophecies, and the life of Special Agent Dale Cooper! That is so five minutes ago!"

The Jester was met with a collection of exasperated sighs, grunts, and enraged shouts.

"So, Coop how's Annie? How's Annie? HOW'S ANNIE? Heh-heh-heh!"

"Not funny, Mister Grendel. And she is fine."

Mope approached the Jester.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CONTACT YOU!"

"Sorry, Mopester. I was busy on Earth A. Ashland was in dire need of my particular
talents. It was a close one, too! It ended like this "

"That's really fascinating yawn but we need to get moving."

"Well, yer Honor, what are you waiting for? Let's make like the shepherd and get the
flock out of here!"

Chapter Eleven: The Young and the Clueless


by The Silver Rob

Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

Inside, OzBat bamfed to the table where The Silver Rob and his old, I mean old, really,
really old pal kevrhon were settled in to unwind a bit while waiting for word on the
mayor's investigation with Special Agent Cooper.

"Heineken," ordered TSRob.

"Um I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for some ID " OzBat said hesitantly, staring at
TSRob in confusion.
"What? C'mon, OzBat, you know I'm over well, I'm over 21, anyway!"

kevrhon glanced up from his menu.

"Yikes!" he blurted. "Rob, you're little!"

"Hey, who wouldn't look tiny, next to you "

"No, he means " Ozbat bamfed away and bamfed back holding a small hand mirror in
front of The Silver Rob, who stared in amazement at his reflection. He appeared to be
about twelve years old, and was wearing red swim trunks over jeans, sneakers, a red T-
shirt, and an old red Superman Halloween cape

"Oh, man!" he mumbled. "How embarrassing! I've become The Scarlet Bobby!"

Huh? thought kevrhon hazily. He's turned British? Bad enough I have to figure out
OzBat's accent!

"How could this happen?" TSB wailed. "How could I change again?"

"Well, let's face it, Rob er, Bobby you're not exactly the most stable member of the
Pantheon," kevrhon said gently, with a bit of a wheeze.

"Me?" TSB yelled. "I'm practically the only one who hasn't had an evil duplicate yet!"

"Well, you don't really need one," OzBat offered. "You're sort of your own evil duplicate
all by yourself "

"I really need a Yoo Hoo " The Scarlet Bobby muttered.

***

A bundle of sentient energy hovered in the air above Grendel's Pond Bar & Grill.
Invisible to passers-by, it slowly became aware of its own existence

Whoooooaaaaaa! it thought. I was sure I was a goner when I slammed into that
pavement! I wonder if I sustained any nerve damage? I can't seem to feel my arms and
legs

***

Back inside, OzBat was embroiled in debate with The Scarlet Bobby over the contents of
his Grendel's Pond Happy Meal.
"I don't want a Regina action figure!" TSB whined. "They don't do anything! How about
a gail with Light-Up Power Scrunchie?"

"Sorry, this week is Regina week," OzBat insisted, feeling a bit guilty. The way Grendel's
sold Happy Meals, every week was going to be Regina week for a long, long time. "But
Regina is gail's best friend "

"Oh, big whoop!" TSB spat. "Pete Ross was Superboy's best friend, but he was dumb
anyway!"

"Pete Ross was not dumb!" OzBat bristled. "He learned Superboy's secret identity but
kept it to himself all those years!"

"Well, there you go," kevrhon cut in. "If he'd been smart, he'd have sold the information
to Luthor for big money!"

"Luthor would have double-crossed him! He'd have been dead meat!" OzBat insisted.
"You think Pete didn't know that?"

"You know what would be really neat?" TSB suggested. "A Tickle Me Hatman!"

Joe Grendel stopped at the table on his way to the Wurlitzer.

"Sorry, kid!" he put in. "But did you know that's the new Tickle Me Regina doll?"

"No!" said TSB. "Really?"

"Yeah, but whatever you do, don't tickle it!" Joe added. "If you do, it says a bunch of
grown-up words and smacks you silly. And then tells your parents."

"Oh," TSB said despondently. He pushed the Regina figure carefully to one side and
covered it with his napkin.

No one noticed the faint cloud of sentient energy floating through the bar

A short while later, kevrhon was settling up at the register, a bit annoyed because The
Scarlet Bobby only had 38" in his pocket.

"Great," muttered OzBat. "Guess he'll be leaving the tip."

In the brief silence between jukebox tunes, a distinct tearing sound was heard.

"What was that?" OzBat asked.

"It sounded like someone tearing the plastic away from the cardboard backing on an
action figure box," The Scarlet Bobby answered without hesitation. "Say, Joe, you
wouldn't happen to know what the child labor laws are in DC? I need to check that out
before my boss gets back," he continued.

"Got what you need right here, my friend!" Joe answered, reaching under the counter and
handing TSB a bright-colored pamphlet, illustrated with smiling, bald-headed cartoon
characters, and titled What You Need to Know About Exploiting Children!

"Say, Scarlet Bobby (snicker!), don't forget your Tickle Me Regina," said OzBat, bamfing
over to bus the empty table and then examining the empty packaging in vague surprise.
"Oh, you remembered "

"I don't have it," TSB said with a blank look.

Everyone present overlooked the tiny Regina action figure crossing the vast expanse of
bar floor, keeping to the shadows, heading toward the door

Got to get out of here, it thought. I've got to find the others I don't dare attack Grendel by
myself not in this condition

Chapter Twelve: Baby's Day Out


by The Temporary Guy

The world seemed different. Slightly askew. Buildings seemed bigger than ever, while the
ground wasn't as far away as before. And the walk to Grendel's Pond was taking about
four times longer than usual. Of course, big changes are bound to be in store when you
regress to age 6 in your sleep.

The Temporary Boy made his was down J Street, dragging the remains of his sidekick,
Decomposing Gene, behind him like a security blanket. He wandered past an alley where
he saw Spider-Man, the Hulk, the Fantastic Four, and various members of the Avengers
and the X-Men huddling around makeshift fires, trying to keep warm, wondering if
Acclaim or Chaos! were hiring. Poor bastards, the Temporary Boy thought. Should've
stuck with Revlon.

He crossed the street and entered the Pond. He saw Grendel and made his way over to
him, catching quick glances at the Scarlet Bobby, who had regressed like him, and
kevrhon, who sat face-down in a bowl of Cream of Wheat. Grendel spotted him.

"Well, it's the Temporary Guy or Kid. I see that new utility belt isn't quite fitting yet.
Maybe I could interest you in this special Fisher-Price model."

"Shut up and give me a drink," the Temporary Boy muttered.


"Sure. Do you want a Shirley Temple or a Nutter-Butter shake?" the smirk on Grendel's
face grew wider.

The Temporary Boy was about to retort when he noticed a man in a dark suit at the end of
the bar. He was speaking into a tape recorder, discussing nap-time with someone named
'Diane.' The Temporary Boy turned towards the Jester.

"Who's that?"

"That's Special Agent Dale Cooper, FBI. He's here about the temporal problems we've
been having."

"Huh." The Temporary Boy thought. "That would explain why I saw Fox Mulder in drag
outside."

Cooper walked over to him.

"Oh, that's my associate, Dennis. He'll be assisting me on this case."

The Temporary Boy hopped off the stool and walked over to where OzBat and TSB were
talking. TSB looked as though he'd been crying.

"What's wrong with him?"

OzBat, shaking his head, kneeled down before the Temporary Boy and whispered "He
lost his Tickle-Me Regina doll."

"I see. Well, now that Christmas is over, the retail on those should go way down. He'll
have no problem replacing it." The Temporary Boy glanced around Grendel's Pond. The
Mighty Hank! was gone, replaced by a rather large, sinister looking figure. Outside, he
caught a glimpse of four evil versions of DC parodies skulking about the street. And he
was certain he'd seen an animated Tickle-Me Regina crawling away by itself. This led to
only one inescapable conclusion.

"I think I just wet myself."

Chapter Thirteen: The White and the Dead


by White Knight

While TSB and Ozbat were discussing the whereabouts of the wrongly neglected "Tickle
Me Regina," a strange noise was heard inside the bar.

Everyone looked around trying to find out the source of it. Finally, all eyes rested on
Ozbat! He knew the origin of the noise.

He reached inside his costumes pockets and took out the amulet White Knight had given
to him just before he left to investigate the disturbances in his "dead" home planet.

The amulet glowed with such an intensity, it made everyone in the bar squint. They
looked like a bunch of Captain Marvels (or Charles Fleischers Superman). The shield-
shaped amulet projected an image against the closest wall.

It showed a battle between demons and White Knight. He was outnumbered and
overwhelmed. He kept fighting and fighting, but he began to fall. And finally, a demon
took the Knights sword and thrust it into the Knights chest. The demons screamed with
pleasure.

Suddenly, a figure blocked the transmission. He looked at the Pantheon gathered inside
the bar.

"White Knight is dead. Dont try to avenge him."

The image faded and the amulet went dead.

Chapter Fourteen: The Twin Peaktheon Who's Who


by Mope

The Pantheon's Twin Peaks Cast

This little cast should help everybody figure out their places, or just what the heck's
going on. If you don't know anything about Twin Peaks, hopefully this won't seem too
"in-jokey."

Special Agent Cooper as Himself


FBI Agent Albert Rosenfeld as Himself
FBI Agent Fox Mulder as DEA Agent Denise Bryson
Mayor Mope as Sheriff Harry S. Truman
Raphael Starkiller as Deputy Andy Brennan
Regina as Audrey Horne
Gail as Donna Hayward
Young Joe Grendel as James Hurley
A'nne as The Giant from Another Planet
J'onn as Senor Droolcup, the Giant from Down the Hall
Kevhron as pretty much every senior citizen in the show wrapped up in one
OzBat as the Dancing Dwarf
GREEN ARROW as FBI Agent Gordon Cole (THINK ABOUT IT)
If anybody thinks of any other fun character matches, feel free to write them into the
story!

Chapter Fifteen: Into the Night


by Mope

White Knights amulet went dead.

Little Amazon: We'the goth to helpth him!!

The rest of the Pantheon Babies echoed Amazon's concern.

Mope stepped out, looking a lot like a kindergarten teacher corralling the kids after
recess, "No, no, unfortunately we won't be able to."

Mope: I've been reluctant to bring this up, but it has come to my attention that many of us
face potentially gruesome ends if this time-turmoil is not solved soon. As The Red
Bricky's appearance, as well as the re-appearance of the Lie-Field last week show, many
elements
of our past, and our future are coming back. This means that at any time, Malvolio, Dark
Timmy Grey, Fanboy, even Galactus could potentially re-appear at full-power, ready to
decimate us. I could probably hold off attackers for awhile, thanks to my new-found
strength, but even that wouldn't last.

Agent Cooper (looking up from an obviously intense chat with Dennis/Denise) What we
need to do is clear. We need to venture into the White Lodge, and determine the source of
this temporal flux. Venturing into the Lodge is extremely dangerous, and is best done as a
team effort, although ultimately each man must face his own will within the lodge. Do
you have any telepaths that can help us from outside the Lodge?

Kevhron/Fate's head bobs up from his soup (think Leo Johnson :)

Mope: Hmmm, yes, Kevhron would normally be a good candidate, but J'onn and A'nne
would really be

A spotlight appears on the far side of the bar. Mope notices that time has apparently
stopped still, except for him. A figure emerges beneath the spotlight. It is a large green
giantess A'NNE!

A'nne: I will tell you three things. I cannot be with you on this journey, but I will be with
you in other ways. When I tell you these three things, you will find them to be true, and it
will be good. #1 The coffee cup is thick. #2. A universe lies within you. #3. Death is not
the end, but a beginning. (The spotlight fades, A'nne disappears.)

Mope pauses as he adjusts to time starting again.

A tall, extremely hunched, aged figure appears at the entrance to the tavern.

The Pantheon: J'ONNNNN! (sounds just "Norm!")

J'onn has obviously aged terribly, but he still has a good smile and a good spirit. After
trying to take a few tiny steps which is made difficult by his extreme age, J'onn shifts to a
more comfortable floating stance.

J'onn: One and the same!

Out of nowhere, a seductive jazz-shuffle is heard.

Regina appears at the door to the pub, dressed in an angora sweater and bobby-skirt. She
appears to be de-aged back to her teen roots.

About half the Pantheon drools as Regina saunters over to Agent Cooper.

Regina: I heard you were in town, my special agent.

Cooper grins goofily.

Mope to J'onn: (shouting a little so J'onn can hear him) J'ONN, it's GREAT you could
MAKE IT. We're REALLY going to need YOUR HELP.

J'onn smiles: Mope, I'm telepathic. You don't even have to speak, remember? (Gives
Mope a "thumb's up")

Mope thumbs up back to J'onn.

The cavalcade of returning characters continues

The doors to the pub bang open, as a tight-looking man in a tan trenchcoat enters. It is
Agent Albert Rosenfeld of the FBI. He looks irritated.

Albert: Who's in charge of this two-bit dimension?

Mope: That varies, sir, but I'm the Mayor of this place. Can we help you? (Those last two
words are strained and agitated.)

Cooper: Albert, let me introduce you. This is Mayor Mope of J Street, an old friend of
mine. Mope, this is Albert Rosenfeld. His mannerisms and modus operandi may appear
strange at times, but believe me, he's got a heart of gold.
Albert harrumphs. Mope extends a hand to shake, and Albert looks first, then at Cooper,
who gives him a "thumb's up," and then Albert reluctantly shakes Mope's hand.

Mope: As I was saying, we need to get moving and fast. With J'onn here, I think we'll
have the telepathic anchor we'll need.

Cooper: Right. We have to get to Glastonberry Grove in Twin

Young Joe Grendel: You mean the legendary burial place of King Arthur? The place with
all the circle of sycamore trees and the black gooky oil?

Cooper (obviously astounded): Yes.

Young Joe Grendel: Ah, that's out back behind the bar. I like to go back there on lunch.
Here let me show you.

A large group of Pantheon members (Mope, J'onn, Agents Dale Cooper, Denise Bryson,
and Albert Rosenfeld, Regina, TSBobbie, OzBat, and many others follows young Joe
Grendel through the back of the pub outside.)

It's dark out suddenly. The back door of the pub opens up to a wilderness setting. The
door is obviously some kind of interdimensional portal. The Pantheon members each step
foot into the woods. Before them is a circle of thin, leafless sycamore trees. In the center
is a
strange pit of tar-like goo, with white ashy stuff around it.

Denise Bryson: I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto.

Chapter Sixteen: She's Got Laura Palmer Eyes


by The Temporary Guy

The air surrounding the gathering of Pantheon and FBI Agents glistened with the ancient
magic associated with the time of Arthur. As the Temporary Boy looked past Grendel and
Cooper into the swirling ebony pool.

He cautiously asked, "What is it?"

Cooper looked down at him, a smile on his face.

"This is the burial ground of King Arthur. It is also the location of the Nexus of All
Realities, a portal that will lead you to any number of dimensions. We can access the
White Lodge from here."
"Wait just a minute!" The Temporary Boy pointed at the obsidian goo. "'The Nexus of All
Realities?' Isn't that in the Everglades in Florida?"

"Where have you been?" the young, suave Joe Grendel piped up. "They tore that place
down, put up a 7-11. It hasn't been around since the Man-Thing had his own book."

"Oh." He looked at the pool again. "How do we do this?"

"Hey Joe?" OzBat called from behind. "Scarlet Bobby's eating the white, ashy stuff!"

"Well, make him stop! Jeez, Robert Young you ain't!" He turned back towards the
Temporary Boy. "We have to wade into the pool to get to the White Lodge. But we must
be careful. Any straying from the path, and you could wind up in another dimension. You
could wind up in the Extreme Universe."

A group shudder rippled through the crowd like Orson Welles laughing.

"Wait a minute! We're supposed to just jump right into this thing? Isn't that what killed
Tasha Yar?"

"That was something else," Cooper returned, checking the night sky for signs of trouble.
"We need to hurry. The alignment of the stars isn't necessary, but it certainly helps in the
direction we take."

"Are you sure that this didn't kill Tasha Yar?"

"Look you little punk," Albert Rosenfeld grabbed the boy by the lapels of his trenchcoat
and shook him furiously. "We don't have time for this! The fate of the world, possibly the
universe, is dependent on our getting to the White Lodge, and we certainly don't have
time to be discussing in great detail the subtleties of the works of Gene Roddenberry! Do
you understand?"

"Yeah, I understand." The Temporary Boy waited until Rosenfeld left before he muttered,
"I'd like to find you wrapped in plastic, moron."

"We need to go." Cooper started into the pool, which started to swirl as he entered.
"J'onn, A'nne, we'll need you to keep telepathic contact with us, to lead us back home
when we're done. That is if we finish."

"Don't worry, Dale. We'll be here."

Cooper gave a thumbs-up as he descended into the murky depths.

One-by-one they followed until only J'onn, A'nne, a sleeping kevhron and the Temporary
Boy remained.
"Aren't you going?" A'nne asked.

"Yeah, I'm going, I'm going. Could you watch over Gene for me until I get back?"

"Sure. Good luck, Temporary Guy."

"I'm gonna need it." He entered the pool, and the nerves in his legs were automatically
numbed. He'd never felt anything like this.

"Temporary Guy!" kevhron suddenly snapped awake, and stared directly at the rapidly
submerging hero. "Tell the others what I'm about to tell you. They will have to face their
own darkness. They may want to wipe their hands clean of their sins "

"So?" the Temporary Boy's head was barely above the surface.

kevhron leaned forward, his wizened frame suddenly seeming more commanding as he
whispered "The Towels Are Not What They Seem."

Chapter Seventeen: Under the Sycamore Trees


by Mope

Glastonberry Grove
Nine hours later

The aged Kevhron, J'onn and A'nne have set up a small camp, waiting for signs from the
Lodge. Nine hours have passed already, although to the Pantheon and the Agents, a
second hasn't even passed yet.

J'onn: *I feel them. They have split in two groups. Each of us must concentrate on one of
them.*

A'nne: *I am with Mope and those he is with.*

J'onn: *I am with Joe Grendel and those he is with.*

Kevhron: Umm I can't feel anything yet, but I'll try!

J'onn: (in an obviously otherworldly state of mind) *Twelve sycamore trees stand, and
twelve went in. Now the twelve are six, six *

Kevhron: Uh (lapses into a trance of a sort.)


***

The places referred to as the "The White Lodge" and "The Black Lodge" are really one in
the same. The difference between the two is what emotion a person can emote while
inside. If that emotion is love, the White Lodge can be reached. But if fear is released, the
Black Lodge is entered, and many that have entered the Black Lodge have never left.

The first room that one finds themselves in is the "Red Room." It is a waiting lobby of
sorts, but as it exists on a plane of reality far beyond our understanding, it is possible for
there to be thousands of people waiting in the Red Room, and for them, time does not
pass as it does anywhere else.

Tonight, two rooms are of interest to us. In both, a second has not even passed, but to
those waiting outside, nine hours have passed. Time here passes so quickly or so slowly
just like a dream.

In each Red Room, six figures find themselves sitting.

The first: Mope, Special Agent Cooper, Agent Denise Bryson, Agent Albert Rosenfeld,
TSBobbie and Regina are seated in a semi-circle of cozy smoking lounges, with Regina
stretched back in a fine chaise lounge chair in the middle of the semi-circle.

In the second: Raphael Starkiller, young Joe Grendel, OzBat, The Temporary Boy, the
Jester, and Gail are seated. Here, OzBat is in the center of the semi-circle. He's wearing a
little red lounge suit, and is back to his regular age. When he moves, it's in a jerky stilted
fashion, like time for OzBat has been dumped in blender and given back to him to act
out.

In each of the rooms, a singer appears. It's jazz legend Jimmy Scott! He sings:

Jimmy Scott: "Under the sycamore trees, in the still. And you'll see me, and I'll see you,
in the branches that blow. In the real. I'll see you in the trees. I'll see you in the trees.
Under the sycamore trees.

(The spotlight on Jimmy Scott fades, and so does the singer.)

Each person finds themselves with a cup of coffee in their hands

Chapter Eighteen: An enemy rises


by White Knight

Planet Clarrd.
N'har the mage stood atop a small mountain and surveyed everything around him.

Two years ago, the battle with White Knight and the armies of King Anduinson had
almost destroyed him. But the teachings he had received when he entered the Council of
Mages had made him resilient.

He had cursed himself over and over for making the mistake of possessing Lesleys body,
thus rendering himself vulnerable to the Knights sword. He had been floating around,
discorporated and powerless until someone had pulled him together. He gave him the
energy to re-shape himself. His desire to live did the rest. There had only been one
condition.

"You must kill Joe Grendel."

And N'har, after all his evil, was a man that kept his word.

He had lured White Knight into Clarrd with fake visions of the restored planet. Capturing
him with his demon legions was child's play. Killing him was a necessary thing. This way
he could send him to kill this "Grendel."

"K'yroson, rise!"

The corpse of White Knight rose, shakily.

"I command you here is your sword go to J street Kill Joe Grendel."

The eyes of the Knight were empty, lifeless sockets.

"I obey "

White Knight flew towards the sky, in direction of J Street.

Chapter Nineteen: Red Room, Red Room


by The Scarlet Bobby

The Red Rooms.

Agent Denise Bryson looks around the first red room.

"You know, I have a pair of Speedos exactly the color of those drapes!"

The Scarlet Bobby holds a pack of Juicyfruit out to Denise.


"Gum?"

"I'll take a piece!" Regina cuts in, grabbing a stick. She pops it into her mouth, chews
briefly, then spits out a tiny, detailed gum sculpture of the Kingdom Come Gulag.

Agent Rosenfeld takes a big swig of coffee; he tries to keep silent, but cannot.

"That's just unnatural! you all disgust me! Youre a bunch of immoral preverts!"

In the other red room, the Jester is dressed in really bad drag as a diner waitress with a
ratty blonde wig. He hums the theme from Mod Squad.

"Who'd like some pie?" he asks, reaching behind his back.

Young Joe Grendel waves his hand excitedly.

"Me! Me! Is it cherry pie?"

"No!" the Jester answers. "Custard!" He whips out a big, foamy custard pie and smashes
it all over Joe's face.

gail produces a small log from under her sweater. She listens to it intently.

"Mmm hmmm oh, I see! You don't say " She looks up at the others. "Mark Waid says
Phoebus is Firestorm's heir!"

In the first red room, Mope smacks The Scarlet Bobby in the back of the head.

"Just wait until I write your 6-month performance evaluation! Gail is supposed to be
Donna Hayward!"

"Ummm " The Scarlet Bobby hesitates. "I'm not allowed to drink coffee!" Without
warning, he flings himself down on a copy of Crisis on Infinite Earths #8 and begins
screaming, "Kara! Kara! Kaaaaraaaaaaaaa!" When the others pull him to his feet, his hair
has turned snow white.

In the other red room, OzBat, dancing a herky-jerky Batusi, says, "Aaaamm glad aaaamm
nah teen thair ruuuhhhmm!"

Chapter Twenty: The Lynch Mob


by The Temporary Guy
The scream pierced the cold night like a Marilyn Manson video. A'nne and kevhron both
looked over to see J'onn, wincing in pain, struggling to maintain his link with Joe
Grendel.

"What is it?" A'nne asked, concerned. In all of the years she'd loved J'onn, she had never
heard him scream like that.

J'onn turned to her, sweat pouring from his Martian brow. Between clenched teeth he
muttered, "Nobody ever told them about our race's vulnerability to custard!"

"Custard?" kevhron forced himself to his feet. "I thought it was fire!"

"It is!" J'onn snapped back. "Fire and custard, okay?"

"What a sissy weakness!"

A'nne turned to face kevhron.

"You wouldn't understand, all right? So just sit down, you awful, awful old man!"

kevhron plopped to the ground. As he started to cough something foul up, he whispered,
"I like custard."

Meanwhile

OzBat wandered through the Red Room, passing each of the inhabitants until he reached
Joe Grendel, wiping the custard pie from his face. He glared up at OzBat and muttered,
"Yes?"

"Eraweb, Eoj Lednerg. Eraweb fo eht Etihw Thgink. Eht Thgink si ton tahw eh sraeppa ot
eb. Eh stnaw ot llik uoy."

"Huh?"

Across the room, the Temporary Boy, Jester, and gail all sat watching OzBat do his
strange little dance. The Temporary Boy turned to them.

"What in the hell is he talking about?"

"I have no idea," replied gail, shaking her head in dismay. The amethyst scrunchie
glistened in the ruby light.

"I think it's Esperanto," the Jester interjected, leaning in close. He noticed the glares from
gail and the Temporary Boy. "OK, maybe not."

"He's saying one of your own may cause your undoing."


The three turned around to see a large figure coming out of the shadows. The light
reflected off of his beak as his feathers rustled against the scarlet curtains. It was an owl.
It was a big owl.

It was Woodsy the Owl.

"Who are you and what do you care?"

"Hey!" the owl shot back. "I give a hoot. I'm telling you that one of your friends is not
what he seems."

The Temporary Boy spoke up.

"Is our friend a towel?"

gail looked at him.

"Why in the world would we be friends with a towel?"

"Never mind."

The Jester leaned forward.

"Is it someone in this group, the other group, or back in the real world?"

Woodsy's eyes narrowed (No small feat, mind you).

"It is difficult to say at this time. You must be cautious." And he was gone.

"Well," the Temporary Boy muttered. "There's something you don't see every day."

gail looked back at OzBat and Grendel, then towards the door.

"I wonder how the others are doing?"

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Dr. When?


by Mope

Glastonberry Grove

A'nne: J'ONNNNNNN!!!

A'nne buckled to the ground in grief. She looked up at the Pantheon with tears streaming
her jade cheeks.
A'nne: I've lost contact with him. All contact. He's gone. J'onn, Joe and OzBat. They're all
gone.

Kevhron: But maybe Cooper will be able to help them.

A'nne (trying hard to compose herself and stay strong): Yes, maybe

***

Far above J Street (the actual street, not just the dimension).

Mope floated quietly a few hundred feet above the Silver-Aged J Street. One of those big
Jack Kirby style Mole Monster was attacking Abdul's, but the Pantheon were handling it
well enough. Normally, Mope would be down there, fighting the good fight. But now he
just wanted to contemplate in the calming bliss of low-level drifting.

Mope felt fine, but his costume was completely messed up. Over his whole body, energy
flared and flickered; the ivory creaminess of his power now fluxing and pulsing with
pastel shades of green, pink and yellow. It was clearly dangerous for anyone or anything
to come within three feet of Mope, which is why he had chosen to get some distance from
the other Pantheon members. Even here, in the sky, far from the Pantheon, his time-
fluxing impact was still obvious. Some poor crow flew earlier only to fall to the ground
pitifully as an egg. The splat below was pretty sad. Waves of heat, rain and snow were
visible around him moment to moment as his white dwarf mass caused the seasons to
change so quickly.

Mope reflected on what he felt must be the reason for his white dwarf matter's effect on
time. Even now in this slightly weakened condition, Mope's body contained the mass of
45 white dwarf stars. He tried to tell himself it was just his "armor" but really the armor
was just an extension of his power; an attempt to make what Mope had become appear
more human, not so much for the benefit of others, but for Mope's own benefit. Mope
realized he had been lying to himself ever since he returned from the Wish Realm. He
wanted to think of himself as a man controlling the powers of the universe. Instead, he
now realized the powers of the universe now controlled him. He was in many ways more
STAR than MAN.

There is a reason white dwarf stars are "dwarfs". The spectacular mass of the stars
impacts upon itself so greatly that it takes up very little space despite magnificent mass.
"Dwarfs" are never bigger than that because they instead become BLACK HOLES,
engulfing all passing matter and causing temporal distortion to anything trapped within
them.

Mope pondered how lucky they really all were that he hadn't gone "Black Hole" yet.
Instead, the tremendous mass of those 45 white dwarf stars within him were causing time
to twist, warp, and go all screwy in his presence. He imagined waves of time-distortion
radiating from his body, changing all that they touch.

A small tiny missile flung skyward hitting Mope squarely on the nose. The missile
became lodged on the bridge of his nose, its surface sticking sweetly to his visor. Mope
picked it up to inspect it

A jelly-baby.

Mope heard a shrill whistle below. Looking down, he saw a colorfully-dressed man
jumping up and down and waving wildly. He was waving for Mope to come down.

Mope considered it, and decided to descend near him, floating about five feet above the
scarfed-and-multi-jacketed man with long curly brown hair.

Mope hovered above the man, looking for all the world like Superman at the end of
KC#1 (in pearly-white rather than blue).

The Doctor: I say there, hello!

Chapter Thirty: Lieutenant who?


by White Knight

J Street.

A taxi pulls into the sidewalk, screeching wheels.

"Careful, man. You are not transporting cattle!" shouted a deep voice.

"Sorry, mac, but that cat was asking me to run him over!"

The stranger walked out of the cab, paid his fare and slammed the door.

"You are just lucky Im off duty, otherwise Id bust you for reckless driving!"

The cab left the place slowly.

The stranger took a piece of paper from his pocket and looked around.

Im supposed to see mayor Mope at his mayoral office. Well, here I go.

He walked into the mayoral office and talked to the receptionist.

"Good afternoon, miss. Im looking for mayor Mope."


"Whats your name?"

"Lieutenant Michael MacTyson. I've just been transferred here from New York."

"Well, Mayor Mope and his assistant The Scarlet Rob are not here right now. They'll be
back tomorrow."

"Thats OK, miss. Ill check into a hotel and take a look around. I saw a bar a few blocks
from here. Good afternoon."

Chapter Thirty-One: The blessed and the damned


by Joe Grendel

Deep inside the darkness.

J'onn screamed, which only made it worse. The flames poured into his lungs, burning him
inside as well as out. He tried to fly away, but his legs had been formed into an anchor,
which was wrapped around a burning cross. He was anchored to the orange soil of Hell.

The plain was covered with Joe Grendel. He had been spread, skinless, a mass of
throbbing, bleeding muscle across several square miles of Hell. Rivulets of acid, pouring
from springs in the hillside, rolled across his naked flesh. And he was conscious. J'onn, as
his eyelids had been burnt away, couldn't help but see it.

The plain writhed, trying to bring himself back together, trying to shake the acid off
himself. But he was spread in a great sheet of flesh, unable to get up, unable to do
anything other than stare up at the pink skies of Hell, unable even to scream.

The cool air came as a shock to J'onn, so sharp he cried out in fear. They were in an alley.
It smelled of urine, of garbage, of terror.

He knelt on the cold concrete, in the form of a balding, buck-toothed man in his late 30s.
His hands were roughly bound behind his back by plastic police cuffs. Three men,
dressed in long black wool coats, stood before him.

"You're a cop." Malvolio eyed Grendel warily. "You're a [mating] undercover cop."

Grendel looked at J'onn emotionlessly.

"Don't be stupid."

J'onn tried desperately to lock eyes with Grendel.


*Joe, we're inside the Black Lodge! It's your fear trapping us here! None of this is real!*

OzBat punched J'onn, causing his mouth to fill with blood.

"Isss riiiillll. Issss thuuuhh fuuuchuurrr."

Malvolio drew a pistol, holding it on Grendel. Then he removed a second from his
pocket, handing it to Grendel.

"Prove you're not a cop: Cap him."

Grendel took the 9 mm, considering its weight.

*Joe! You can break free of this! You can face your fears!*

OzBat kicked J'onn in the face this time. Teeth clattered to the pavement.

"You let him live," Malvolio said quietly, "And you'll be sorry. We'll send you back."

For a moment, Joe's skin flickered, revealing the muscles beneath. When his skin
reappeared, it was a shade paler.

Grendel cocked the pistol.

*JOE!*

Stay out of my head, J'onn.

J'onn looked desperately at OzBat.

*You're still in there, little buddy! Come on, OzBat!*

Joe placed the barrel of the gun between J'onn's eyes.

*OZBAT!*

"No!" OzBat's hand knocked the gun away. There was a flash of light.

The three stood alone in a red room in an enormous log cabin. OzBat slumped to the
ground, unconscious.

J'onn looked at an emotionless Grendel, reaching out with his mind despite what all his
moral misgivings.

I said to stay out of my head, J'onn.


Grendel lifted OzBat by his belt and toted him toward the outside door.

"Joe?" J'onn followed, several paces back. "Would you have shot me, Joe?"

Without looking back, Joe answered.

"Don't be stupid."

The door slammed open and the White Knight stood in the doorway, sword drawn.

Chapter Thirty-Two: Now guess which is which


by OzBat!

At this moment in time (if time could be said to exist in this place at all) OzBat chose to
wake up. And MIKE, being the good little spook he was, realized that he was in the
wrong lodge (summoned by J'onn's shock plea for help) and screamed. The red room
seemed to explode

Back at the sycamore trees, a blinding flash of light heralded the arrival of J'onn, Grendel,
and White Knight. As J'onn collapsed into A'nne's arms, nobody noticed the once thick
brown cloudburst at ground level, quickly dispersing in the light wind. Its not like nobody
WANTED to ignore the pitiable tell-tale trace of a dimensional teleportation, but other
matters were more pressing. At least A'nne thought so. But even A'nne would have been
mistaken as Grendel raised his head from the ground only to duck again instantly, losing
several strands of hair to the sword of the White Knight

***

On J Street, Mope hovered above a blue telephone box, and regarded the oddly regaled
stranger carefully. He was a tall man, this stranger, six foot at least; his presence made
more distinct as he spoke with a distinctly English accent, wore an outrageously patterned
overcoat and scarf which looked like they had been in place longer than the seasons
would dictate, and a floppy brimmed hat barely concealed the graying brown curls on his
head.

"I say old chap, you wouldn't happen to have seen a largish gravitational space/time
anomaly here abouts, would you?"

At this, Mope was taken aback. J Street was a dimensional mass of confusion at the best
of times, and this gentleman with the wild eyes leaning against the door of a previously
non-existent solid blue police telephone box wanted to find a gravitational space/time
anomaly? Mope thought fast, and the white dwarf material of his armor sparkled at the
extra aggravation.

"A HA!" Before Mope could react, the gent had ripped off his scarf, roped an ankle, and
dragged Mope inside the phone box. "WHAT do you THINK you are DOING?"
screamed the mayor unmayorily. Those pantheon members currently battling Godzilla
near the gray tram lines at one end of J Street thought they heard him yell, but if they'd
had the
time to turn around they still may have missed the door of the phone box slam shut, and
the box itself gradually fade away to the grinding sounds of "VROOOOOP!
VROOOOOOOP! VROOOOOOOP!"

***

Mope opened his eyes. He appeared to be in some kind of control room, far, far, larger
than the inside of a phone box had any right to be. A hexagonal control desk in the center
of the room was decked out in oddly archaic dials, switches and levers, and a transparent
illuminated piece of equipment slowly rose and fell in the middle of the desk in time with
the strangely comforting (but much quieter) noise he'd heard earlier. Mope would have
gotten up to investigate this, only for the knife he suddenly found at his throat Any
thoughts of fighting off his attacker simply vanished as he gazed upwards, and was
confronted with an absolutely astonishing set of bazookas scantily clad in leather.
Somewhere above these he finally managed to notice the face of the owner of the
impressively indomitable set of anatomy; a fierce but drop-dead gorgeous warrior woman
bent over him with rage in her eyes.

"Leela, its all right, he's a friend!"

She glanced at her tall companion momentarily, then waved the knife menacingly in
Mopes face before straightening up and sheathing the knife. Depressed, Mope wandered
what it would take to get her to menace him again like that without killing him

"But Doctor, I thought you said that THIS was the cause of the disaster!"

"Disaster" Mope suddenly remembered his predicament. "Oh, no! You people better back
off! Time is warping in my immediate vicinity, and I don't want to be responsible for any
more unforeseen incidents "

The Doctor looked down, not unkindly.

"Its all right old bean! We're quite safe here in the TARDIS!"

"TARDIS?"

"This," The tall man gestured around. "I guess you would be more familiar with the
phrase time machine?"
Alarm clocks and light bulbs all went off in Mope's head. A fully functional time
machine, capable of holding all his friends and returning them to their rightful place in
history

As if sensing what he was thinking, the Doctor knelt down in front of Mope.

"Yes, a time machine. Regrettably, one that won't exist much longer unless we can
resolve your little problem. You see, a Gallifreyan Time Lord's Tardis is fueled by a
contained black hole in an alternate dimension. However, it seems to be arcing severely
with the
white dwarf material you have marvelously encapsulated within and around yourself!"

"Say wha'?"

"We've got two anomalies, trapped in the dimensional nexus you refer to as 'J Street.'
Unless we resolve this quickly, they will interact and consume all of reality as we know
it!"

Chapter Thirty-Three: An INTEL Brief by Major Briggs


by Thunderbolt

J Street. Grendels Pond Bar & Grill. The Present.

"A what?" Thunderbolt and Jeannie sat at a table near the back of the bar. Thunderbolt
had just wandered in, noticed that (once again) he seemed to have missed the start of
something really big, and sought out the first person he could find for some answers.

"Temporal distortion," Jeannie said. "Everybody was getting old, or young, or all kinds of
weird stuff!" She wrinkled her nose at the thought of what had happened to OzBat. "You
should have seen them!"

Thunderbolt massaged his temples. As he did so, little sparks flew off his fingertips,
giving his hair that "I just stuck a fork in the outlet" look.

"And nobody knows whats causing it?"

"No," Jeannie replied in a low voice. "But its affected nearly everyone in the Pantheon."
She considered for a moment. "The REAL Pantheon," she amended. "No offense."

Thunderbolt bristled, but decided to let it go. Could he help it if he wasnt able to spend all
his free time hanging out at GPB&G, waiting for disaster to strike? Never mind that
many of those disasters were Pantheon-induced. He wondered briefly how Captain Atom
managed to spend time with the Justice League without the Air Force reporting him
AWOL and sighed heavily.

"Jeannie, did OzBat say where they were going?"

"There were about a dozen or so that Mayor Mope got together, along with those really
nice people from the FBI," she said after a moments thought. "Mope said something
about a lodge, I think "

"Hmm. No help there. Maybe Starr can work that lead. Its too bad Hatmans not here.
Maybe hes got a lodge hat well, anyway, in the meantime, if theres anything else "

In the background, behind the bar, Raphael Starkiller made quite a show of mixing
himself a drink. Thunderbolt spared the bouncer a glance, then turned back to the table,
lowering his voice.

"Listen, time fluxes arent really my thing, you understand? I know just enough basic
physics to have a good handle on my powers, but trust me, any superhero who knows too
much about science is just asking for trouble."

"What do you mean?" Jeannies face filled with concern.

"Consider this: How do you think Borellis ring works?"

"Magic?"

"Uh-uh. Science. Science too complex for us mere mortals to comprehend. Heck, thats
probably WHY it works. You think hes neurotic now, can you imagine how ineffective
Jasond be in a crisis if he actually had to stop and consider things like the laws of
conservation of mass and energy?"

"What?"

"Exactly. How about super strength? Theres a practical limit to what can be achieved
with human physiology, but that never stopped Hank, or Jonn, or "

Jeannie looked doubtful.

"I thought Jonn lifted things psionically."

"Whatever. Heres another one: take Mope. Guy carried white dwarf star material around
in his underwear, for Pete Rosss sake! And now, he claims hes got the power of 100 white
dwarf stars inside him!" Thunderbolts eyes sparkled with enthusiasm as he really started
getting into his impromptu lecture on superhuman science. He began to wonder if
there was money to be made on the lecture circuit.
"Go on." Jeannie nudged him out of his reverie. "You were saying?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Look, if Mope says hes got 100 white dwarfs in him, then I say hes
full of well, hes full of something, but its not white dwarfs."

"Why do you say that? Mope said thats what he wished for." Jeannie, herself a specialist
in magic, the Djinn wish realm, and related areas, tensed defensively. "His wish was
granted."

"Well, Id believe hes somehow gained more control over his mass and density, and
therefore his volume, but 100 dwarf stars? Be serious!" Thunderbolt rolled his eyes, but
Jeannie didnt smile. She continued to look at him stoically.

"Is that any more preposterous than a man from Mars? Or a 5th-dimensional imp? Or a
djinn? Or a man who generates electricity?" She stared at him coldly, daring him to refute
his own existence.

"Im not a man who generates electricity," Thunderbolt said calmly. Jeannie raised her
eyebrows. "Im a quasi-elemental force of nature made flesh."

"What does that mean, exactly?"

"Im a mystical hybrid of man and nature," Thunderbolt said softly. "Not human. Not
exactly. Not anymore. I was, once, but now Ive been bonded to a lightning elemental on a
I dunno a molecular level, I suppose." He paused, considering. "But I dont go around
claiming my abilities are inherently limited by the restrictions imposed by what we
currently understand about electricity. I WILL myself to be able to do what I do. We ALL
do. Metahuman abilities are basically intuitive. If we had to stop and think about them,
wed be useless." Thunderbolt paused for effect. "Have you ever seen Buried Alien do
warm-up exercises to keep from pulling a hamstring? Heck, no!"

"I thought he was kind of well dead," Jeannie finished lamely. "So I dont suppose thats
really a problem "

"Thats besides the point!" Thunderbolt shot back.

"And youre saying the same goes for Mope?" Jeannie asked.

"Absolutely. Theres no way he could actually be harnessing the power of 100 white
dwarf stars. His body couldnt possibly contain that much mass. If it could, do you realize
what would happen with that much matter packed into an object the volume of a human
body? Hed be too massive to move, for one thing. Hed probably develop his own
gravitational field! Everything on J Street would be sucked toward him! If he tried to
reduce his size, the resulting density imbalance would likely make him implode like a
black hole!"
Jeannie looked at Thunderbolt quizzically.

"And that is bad?"

"Bad? Itd be terrible! Why, nothing escapes from black holes, Jeannie. Not matter, not
light. Even time gets screwed up around "

Thunderbolts eyes went wide. After a moment, Jeannies did, too.

Chapter Thirty-Five: Hell-o-Dollie!


by The Scarlet Bobby

You see them in the streets in Washington. You see them, until you learn to look past
them and keep moving.

The homeless; the poor and abandoned; figures consumed by passions that have burned
off the trappings of "polite" society and left the shell behind, a solitary, itinerant husk.

One such figure crouches in the meager shelter of a J Street doorstep, huddled down to
avoid the bite of the bitter January wind.

Once a powerful, terrifying figure burning with hatred for Joe Grendel, his human flesh
was turned to ash by his own destructive energies, leaving behind only wandering plasma
driven by an insatiable hunger for revenge.

Now, the explosive force and seething hatred of the man once called the Hindenburg are
trapped in the tiny, articulated plastic body of a Regina action figure.

Let's just call it the Burg.

The Burg has been searching for his friends, the Infernal Five sworn to destroy Joe
Grendel. Unfortunately, the Five have been difficult to find, and a three-inch-tall action
figure can only cover so much ground in one day, especially with insect-headed gorillas
suddenly overrunning the neighborhood. Now it has come here to rest, watching the fleet
of foot full-sized humans trip casually and swiftly past as they go about their lives.

If the Burg's molded, painted lips could scream with rage and frustration, they would.

***

"Come on, Ashton, honey, Mommy's in a hurry!"


"I'm tired, Mommy!"

"All right, Ashton; do you want me to carry your doll?"

"NO! I want to go home! When are we going home?"

"I told you, Ashton. Mommy's meeting Uncle Ted for lunch. You'll be able to sit down
and you can order anything you want!"

"Not hungry!"

"Ashton, sweetie, don't be difficult! I thought you'd enjoy a trip downtown when the sitter
canceled "

"I've never been on this street before! I don't like it! It feels funny!"

"Honey, this is where Uncle Ted likes to come for lunch! His favorite restaurant is here!
Ashton, look out for that "

CRUNCH!

"OW!"

"Honey, I told you to look out! What is that thing?"

"Mommy, it's a Regina doll!"

"Who?"

"I don't have a Regina! Can I keep her, Mommy? She can be the maid for my Pantheon
Mega-Force gail with Mark Waid's E-Mail Address!"

"Oh, honey, you don't want that thing! Look, it's all broken don't touch it, Ashton! It's
been on the ground; it's dirty!"

***

The Burg watches the tiny, shattered Regina figure disappear in the distance as his new
host body rides down J Street in the tight grip of its young owner.

The New! Feeding Frenzy Grendel Patch Kid) doll swivels its plump head around. The
little girl carrying it is now munching on a sweet, glistening Gummi Hank!, a bribe from
her mother.

In his former existence, the Burg was a man of mighty appetites. He has not eaten in
days; the tender Gummi Hank! hovering inches below his snub nose looks indescribably
delicious.

The doll's mechanical jaws open and snap shut convulsively. Gears grind; tiny, sharp,
plastic teeth gnash together as the powerful mouth draws closer and closer to the soft,
delicate, pink hand clutching the alluring Gummi Hank!

"Ashton! Ashton! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Chapter Thirty-Five: Time Is On My Side


by The Temporary Guy

"Would you believe me if I told you I was sorry?"

The Temporary Guy screamed the question to the surrounding heroes as, with the young
Scarlet Bobby under his arm, he dodged the large porcupine/scorpion monster that was
lumbering down J Street, towards the beatnik coffee house that would someday become
Grendel's Pond.

"I hate, I hate, I HATE SILVER-AGE MONSTERS!" the Jester called out, just avoiding
the lumbering tail. "You never see these things in the 90s!"

"Oh, no!" gail shot back, looking for a clear shot and finding none. "We only fight trees
and beavers and wander around rooms with giant owls and all the while, we try to get in
as many 'Twin Peaks' jokes as possible! You're right, Jester we have it a lot more
together!"

"Ouch." The Jester rolled to the ground, grabbed a near-comatose A'nne, and threw
himself out of the monster's path. "I wait a minute! I've got an idea! Regroup, Pantheon!"

The heroes tumbled over the piles of debris until they stood united before the beast.

"Temporary Guy " the Jester started. "Let me see your utility belt."

"OK," the Temporary Guy pulled his belt off and handed it to the merry hero. "Why?"

"Jester, I don't know what you have planned, but Spiny Norman there is coming back "
gail muttered, trying to figure out what the he was doing.

The Jester's hand raced across the belt, looking into every pouch until he came away with
a small vial. He turned to face the monster, then threw the vial with all of his might.

The vial shattered upon impact. The monster shuddered, twitched and then was gone.
"What in the?" the Temporary Guy took his belt back and just stared at it. "What did you
do?"

"I used the Temp-Monster-Evaporator Spray on him."

"Oh, that. I WHAT?" He looked dazed. "I don't have Temp-Monster-Evaporator Spray.
I've never had that! Where in the hell did you get it?"

"I know!" gail sounded out, happy with herself. "We're in the Silver Age now. The laws
of physics and probability aren't in play nearly as much as they are in 1997! So we can do
things like that!"

"But where did it come from?"

"It doesn't matter!" the Jester said with a smile. "That's the beauty of the Silver Age!"

"Oy vey!" the Temporary Guy sat down. Suddenly, he called out, "Where's Mope?"

The heroes looked around for their comrade, their friend, their mayor. They found
nothing.

"He's gone!"

"That means " gail started.

"We're trapped," the Temporary Guy muttered. "We're trapped in the Silver Age. Could
this get any worse?"

Suddenly, a figure in a garish costume swung down from the rooftop. He had a large "C"
on his chest and a permanent grin on his face.

"Hello there, youngsters! You look like you could use some help!"

"Oh, no." the Temporary Guy started. "Oh no oh no oh no "

"What is it?" gail asked. "Who is he?"

The Temporary Guy leaned in close and whispered, "That's the Career-Minded Man."

Chapter Thirty-Six: Time In A Bottle


by The Temporary Guy

He stood before them, the sun backlighting him to give him the appearance of a god of
ancient myth. His yellow cape majestically draped around the navy blue suit-and-cowl,
his eyes radiating goodness, his teeth clean and neat. He was more than a hero. He was
more than a super-hero. He was a template for heroics at the time. He was the Career-
Minded Man.

"He's my dad," the Temporary Guy sighed quietly.

"Wow," the Jester spoke up. "A real Silver-age super hero! I wonder if we can find
Hatman's grandpa around here?"

"That's Golden Age." gail scanned Career-Minded Man from head-to-toe. "He's gorgeous.
Built like a brick wall." She turned to the Temporary Guy. "What happened to you?"

The Temporary Guy grumbled, "He's my adopted father. My real parents, the Drifter Guy
and Barfly, dumped me on his porch when I was a baby. I wonder where mom is?"

"What's that you say, young man?" Career-Minded Man looked down at him.

"Uh, I was just wondering where your wife is."

"Stay-At-Home Girl? Well, she's at home, of course, where she should be."

gail snorted, "Sexist jerk."

"No, it's OK!" the Temporary Guy started. "In about 1974, mom was retconned into
Working Woman. This is how it was before that."

"Thank God for Gloria Steinham," came gail's reply.

Jester turned towards them.

"Career-Minded Man, we need help. We're from the future, and our means of getting back
seems to have disappeared. Is there anyone who can get us back? Anyone you can think
of?"

"Well," Career-Minded Man paused, collecting his thoughts. "There's only one man I can
think of who can help you. However, he's an evil villain. I don't see why he would help
you. His name is Doctor Clock!"

"Oh yeah," gail muttered. "It's the Silver Age."

"You all seem to be young. I don't know if I feel right about sending you kids off alone."

"Well," the Temporary Guy sighed, "We can take care of ourselves, thanks all the same."

"Are you sure?"


"I've worked with Hasselhoff. I can take anything."

"I see." Career-Minded Man reached into his cloak and pulled out a small device. "This is
a signal beacon. If you run into trouble, just press it, and the League of Good Intentions
will come running! Good luck to you." He started to scale the side of the building. Then
he was gone.

"Thanks Dad." The Temporary Guy felt all warm and fuzzy. He needed a scotch. "Well,
let's go find this Dr. Clock guy "

"There's just one thing I don't understand." The voice came from the Scarlet Bobby,
who'd remained silent for the majority of the trip.

The Jester kneeled down before him.

"What's that, kiddo?"

Bobby looked over to where A'nne lay, her skin having taken an ashen hue.

"If A'nne's here with us "

"Yes?"

"Then who greeted J'onn and Grendel in Chapter Thirty-Two?"

They all stopped and stared at each other, then at A'nne.

"Oh my god," gail started.

"What is it, gail?"

"When we had the accident with Mope," she glared at the Temporary Guy before she
continued. "There was a tear in the space/time continuum, right? That, combined with the
energy from the Nexus of all Realities "

"Must have split apart A'nne into two separate beings!" the Temporary Guy finished.

"Holy James T. Kirk!" Jester shouted.

"I'm not saying that one A'nne is good and one is evil. I'm saying that if we don't get them
joined together soon A'nne is going to die."

"And then," the Temporary Guy stepped forward, realizing the full scope of his next
statement. "J'onn is really going to be pissed."
Chapter Thirty-Seven: The Big Sacrifice
by Mope

The Doctor's TARDIS

The floppy-haired master of this vessel of time and space scurried about the hexagonal
control room, seemingly sliding on the great heap of cloth that he wore. (A scarf, a wool
jacket, two longish vests, a shirt, really baggy pants imagine it.)

Mope leaned against the wall, watching, thinking and maybe hoping Leela was watching
him too.

Leela the Huntress on the other hand mostly just stalked-in-place, ready to kill Mope at
the merest movement. Fun girl.

The Doctor was investigating the nature of J Street. Mope he had already figured out, but
this "J Street" now that intrigued him. J Street was apparently a dimensional nexus,
accessible to almost any dimension.

A very handy place, the Doctor thought to himself, a dimensional nexus a nexus

The Doctor: A nexus! Yes! That's it! We need the nexus!

Mope: Do you mean J Street's dimensional nexus?

The Doctor: No. Well, yes, that too, but no, not exactly that nexus.

Leela reflexively rolled her eye at this talk that she never understood. She enjoyed her
travels with the Doctor, but the talk between the fighting and killing often bored her.
Leela began to polish her knife.

Mope: I don't understand.

The Doctor: We need to align this dimensional nexus you call "J Street" to the temporal
nexus that is the beginning and end of all time in the universe. With these two nexii, we
could maybe fix the anomaly (swings his glance directly at Mope, as if to say "solve the
anomaly, yes that's right YOU")

Mope: What is necessary to align the temporal nexus to J Street's dimensional nexus?

The Doctor's brow goes up as he flashes a wide smile and his eyes go all crazy.

The Doctor: Oh, it's quite complicated I have to just push this button (The Doctor points
to a large red button on the console in the middle of the room).
The Doctor pushes the button, and nothing happens. Then, there is a slight "whir."

The Doctor: We're here. (The Doctor opens the door)

The Doctor, Leela and Mope walk out to J Street. It's not the J Street Mope was used to
though. The buildings were all in the right place, but they had no detail. Even Joe's
PB&G wasn't really specifically Joe's PB&G so much as it was "a concept of Joe's
PB&G" caught in a bright haze of perspective, with no detail or line.

Mope: Wow.

The Doctor: Normally the temporal nexus is a blank space. But here in this dimension,
combined with this nexus called "J Street", it appears more as a ethereal composite of
everything J Street will ever be.

Mope: So, when exactly is this?

The Doctor: Long, long ago. (The Doctor paused dramatically, that crazy smile coming
back). Far far from now.

Mope: Which one is it?

The Doctor: Both! The temporal nexus is both the beginning of all time, and the end of
all time. The beginning and end are both here. The future is that way (The Doctor points
left), and the past is that way (The Doctor points right).

Mope: So what will you do now?

The Doctor (again with that crazy smile and the eyes all-here-and-there): Not so much
what I'll do, as what you will do.

Mope: Anything. What do I have to do?

The Doctor: Well, sir, (The Doctor steps closer, examining Mope curiously all of a
sudden) We've got to spread some of you around.

Mope: What? I don't understand again.

The Doctor: You simply can't go on in the physical world the way you are. You have
dozens of white dwarf stars captured in your essence. It's impossible! A mortal man
simply can't control it! It's amazing you've lasted this long, my boy.

Mope: Hmmm I'll have to give up some of my white dwarf mass then to save the
Pantheon.

The Doctor: Oh, no not just "some." You'll have to give up ALL of it. Time is not easily
settled. This dimension's time-structure is full of gaps, twists, turns and valleys. This is
damage that must be repaired by the slow release of your great mass across J Street's
temporal expanse, healing time and setting things straight.

Mope: I'll do it. I'll give up my powers to save the Pantheon. What do I do?

The Doctor: Things are very flexible here at the temporal nexus. We can create devices to
help us accomplish this before the black hole within you collapses.

Mope: BLACK HOLE? IN ME?

The Doctor: Oh, yes. That's the one thing keeping all that white dwarf matter from flying
madly away from you destroying this whole galaxy. You son, are a black hole orbited by
a mass of white dwarf stars. A really lovely specimen actually.

Mope: (pauses, still absorbing this) But, won't dumping all the white dwarf matter across
time cause the black hole to be freed?

The Doctor: Well, while it true there are many gravitational-temporal GAPS to be filled,
there are also "ridges" to be smoothed out, which you will need to use your black hole to
accomplish. We can just hope there's enough repair needed to use up all that gravitational
vacuum

Mope: If there isn't?

The Doctor: Oh, then when you are done, you will emerge as a black hole and suck this
entire dimension into yourself, killing and destroying all involved.

Mope: So, I can either save the Pantheon or kill them?

The Doctor: Pretty much.

Mope thought quietly to himself, obviously moved by all this.

Mope: I'm ready to do it, but would you happen to have a standard U.S. VHS video
camcorder?

The Doctor pondered a little: Well, at the time that I'm broadcast, that isn't invented yet,
but I am a time-traveler Yes, I think I can dig one up.

Mope: There's something I'd like you to do for me

Mope and the Doctor walk back into the TARDIS. Leela follows to guard the Doctor
from this strange man in pearly armor.

Later, if thats possible, the Doctor scurried across a large platform he constructed
mentally
using his ancient Galafreyyan Time Lord skills. The mechanism consisted of two long
"slides" stretching in opposite directions (corresponding to the "past" and "future" that the
Doctor referred to earlier). In the middle of the "slides" was a simple platform. Across
from the platform, a command console was assembled, before which the Doctor spent
most of his time.

Mope wondered how someone could do all that work so quickly without tripping over
that crazy scarf.

Mope walked up to the Doctor.

Mope: Do you need me yet?

The Doctor: Eh? Yes, yes, I think we can go ahead with it. Step right up to the platform
here.

Mope stepped up to the platform between the two "slides."

The Doctor stood back, his hands on his hips, smiling.

The Doctor: So, what would you like to fix first? The future or the past?

Mope: Well, where should begin?

The Doctor: Well, it's all relative. The goal is to fix and repair all anomalies so that you
will ultimately arrive at the "present" that you come from. If you fix the "future" first,
starting at the nexus's "beginning of time", you'll really be repairing your past. If you
head into the "past", coming from the nexus's "ending of time point," you'll really be
repairing what to you would be the future.

Mope pondered. What was more urgent? The dangers of the past, or the the dangers of
the future? From the past, the Pantheon was faced with childhood (and in JYu's case:
zygotism), Silver Age monsters, etc. From the future, they were facing old age attacks,
and who knows what evils that they couldn't even imagine yet. It was so hard to pick
"future or past", "future or past"

Mope: The Past. It seems there are more anomalies from the past than the future. So, I'll
head "into the future" from this point at the beginning of the time, and I'll end up

The Doctor: In your "present," but you'll have to immediately continue your trek across
the platform "heading into the past" from the end of time. When you're all done

Mope: We'll find out if all this worked.

The Doctor: Indeed.


Mope laid across the slider, facing into the future from the beginning of time.

Mope: Doctor, it's been a pleasure. Let's go.

The Doctor pulled on a shift, and sent Mope hurtling off into the future.

1000 AD One version of SC White Knight catches a vision of a pearly knight flying by
him.

1963 Countless Silver Age style monsters see a strange white humanoid flash by them.
Each tries to snatch this promising goody for lunch but he flies by too quickly.

Early 1980s The child versions of Buried Alien, Amazon and TSBobby each see a
"ghost." Their parents don't believe them. Typical.

Late 1980s The young Joe Grendel sees a pearly-white armored soldier one night. The
next morning he regales his college buddies with tales of his "cool trip."

1993 The then Aquaman (with hand intact) sees a vision of a white-armored hero
swimming in the waters below him.

1997 Mope flashes before the eyes of all those characters again, as Mope returns them to
their normal states.

Mope comes flashing onto the platform, now pointed in the direction of the "past,"
coming from the END of all time. Mope flashes a quick "thumb's up" to the Doctor.
Mope slides quickly into the past (our future).

2200 An aged J'onn of a possible future sees his old friend Mope. Ahh just a dream

2060 Aged versions of OzBat, Kevhron and others (also possibly alternate futures) see
visions of their old friend Mope as well. Poor Mope

2010 Mope felt his body pulse with pain. He was running out of white dwarf matter. He
could feel something in him pulling, stretching, draining

2000 Mope's face stretched and pulled, sweat flying mercilessly off his face as he hurtled
at a neck-straining speed, almost back to his friends

Christmas, 1997 Home is within sight

Jan. 30th, 1997 Mope: Almost

Jan. 21st, 1997 Mope: there


Jan. 12nd, 1997 Mope: MUST

Jan. 9th, 1997 Mope: SAVE

Jan. 6th, 1997 Mope: PANTH

Jan. 3rd, 1997, Mope: EON

On J Street, the Assembled Pantheon witnesses a large white vision of Mope running to
them from far down J Street. He is obviously tired, but is heading at them an incredible
pace. Halfway to them, Mope's image wanes and fades, parts of his uniform peeling off
him. Soon, Mope is engulfed in a shimmering white glow and appears to almost have lost
his physical body.

The whirling white maelstrom finally comes to a rest before the assembled Pantheon. As
the plasma-ish mist clears, the Pantheon lets out a collective gasp.

As the mist disappears entirely, a single snatch of fabric floats into Regina's hands:

Regina looks down at the frayed piece of costume. It says "MOPE".

TSRob: But we just saw him. He was just down there

J'onn: I felt him as well. (J'onn, Kevhron, and A'nne all bow their heads as they
collectively realize)

Kevhron: Mope died. Mope's dead. He saved us all from temporal doom, and now he's
dead.

Mourning, the Pantheon bowed their collective heads.

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Life and Death


by Joe Grendel

The grave of King Arthur.

Special Agent Dale Cooper caught White Knight as he slumped to the ground.

J'onn raised an eyebrow.

"What was that flash of white?" He looked around. "And where's my fiancee?"

Cooper, feeling for a pulse on the Knight's neck, looked up at J'onn, OzBat and Joe.
"That was the late Mayor Mope. He was rocketing through eternity, evening out the
temporal distortions. He reunited the chronally bifurcated A'nne and, while he was in the
neighborhood, apparently retconned White Knight back to life again."

OzBat scratched his now-naked chin.

"He also fixed our ages. Good on 'im."

Grendel grinned wolfishly.

"In that case, kevrhon won't be needing his nurse any more I can finally get her upstairs."

Cooper gave him a thumbs-down.

"She's actually 95 and incontinent, Joe."

Grendel slapped his forehead.

"Why'd I have to help out with this stupid heroing? I could have been nailing her as a
foxy 21-year-old."

OzBat, his mouth dry, turned toward Cooper.

"Did you say 'the late Mayor Mope?'"

***

Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

The snowboarder Hank went flying out the door, landing harmlessly atop a trio of living
rag dolls, who shrieked in outrage.

Raphael Starkiller stalked toward the street, cracking his knuckles and chuckling.

"Not so fast, Sparky." Raphael, his eyes burning, turned slowly. Grendel, his hands on his
hips, glared back equally balefully. "My last bouncer used to go off half-cocked
whenever he felt like it, but I'm through with that. Get your butt back in here, NOW."

The two glared at each other, the force of their two wills all but causing the air to
smolder. Bards would one day sing of their struggle. But the verdict was pre-ordained.
Raphael Starkiller, the hero mightier than even the Mighty Hank! (wherever he was),
looked down at his feet.

"Uh, OK. If you say so, boss."

Grendel sighed, pointing a remote control at the jukebox and stilling Jim Morrison in
mid-song.

"Now, we have a wake to plan."

Chapter Thirty-Nine: A voice from beyond the grave


by Mope

Joe's
A few hours later

Various Pantheon members are in the midst of changing their costumes to shades of
black. Many others are quietly reflecting on the events of the past few weeks.

A strange WHIRRR WHIRRR WHIRRR is heard.

There, in the corner, next to the jukebox, a large blue box with a flashing white light on
the top appears.

A strange man in scruffy-looking old-fashioned brown jacket and vest comes out of the
box, hat in hand. A beautiful warrior woman clad in leather appears behind him, knife in
hand.

The Doctor: Greetings. I'm afraid I am the bearer of bad news.

TSRob: We already know about Mayor Mope.

The Doctor (not smiling, and a little surprised): Oh, um. Mope gave me something to
give to all of you before he left. (Dr. Who pulls a video tape out from behind his hat in
hand. He hands it to TSRob. TSRob accepts it, looking down at it. TSRob looks at his
fellow
Pantheon members.)

TSRob: Are you all ready to see this?

The Doctor: Well, I should get going. This place has intrigued me greatly in my short
time here. (The Doctor pulls something from his pocket). Here. Give this to your new
Mayor. If J Street is ever in trouble again with temporal matters, give me a whistle. (The
Doctor smiles slightly, bows his head and hat, and then returns to the TARDIS (the big
blue box). Leela follows him in.)

The TARDIS disappears with a URRRMMM URRMMMMM URMMMMM.

The videotaped good-bye from MOPE is shown on the big screen TV Grendel so often
thought was a waste of money.

Mope is standing before a strange vision of J Street like it had been scrubbed of all its
identity and detail. Mope was obviously tired, serious, but peaceful.

Mope: If you're seeing this, then two things have happened. The first is re-assuring to me,
because I know that all is well with my friends that are the Pantheon. I knew this was an
"all or nothing" try, and that means the second thing, my death has also happened. Well,
now that I've actually done this, I don't know what to say I don't know how to say "good-
bye", so maybe I'll just attend to business, bite my lip, and call it good-bye with just that.
(Mope tries to smile) So, here's business: In my death, I name TSRob as my replacement
as mayor. If he does not want the title, he may name a replacement of his choice. Now,
some J Street residents might call for an emergency election, since neither Hat, Jason, nor
myself are in office. Well, I am invoking an obscure law buried in J Street's books.
Elections can ONLY be held on the first week of November, with primaries to be held
within a no earlier than three months earlier. So, that gives TSRob or whoever at least
eight months to have the office, until anyone can have the chance to run against them.
(Mope looks down, obviously trying to search for words). Well, (looks over his shoulder)
like I said I don't know what to say. Just good-bye. Hey! Perhaps we'll all meet again
someday, somehow. Who knows in comic books? Good-bye.

The image flickers away in static.

Chapter Forty: Farewell to yesterday


by Joe Grendel

There had been some debate on where Mope should be buried and the memorial to White
Knight should be, but in the end, the Pantheon settled on a quiet lot, surrounded by a
brick wall, accessible by a brick archway and a cast-iron gateway. The grass was
overgrown, but superpowers do wonders for lot maintenance.

After some searching, it was discovered that Johannes van


Mocklingstricklenausgeseichnet owned it. After some sullen growling that "this is what
becomes of such things," he'd sold it to the Pantheon.

The funeral service had been a quiet affair. The Pantheon, Minutemen, Justice League of
Ashland and Wildhawks had all attended. Various religious observances were held,
Terran and otherwise.

But in the end, it all came down to one thing: Two heroes were dead. For the greater
good, theyd sacrificed power, authority and their own lives.

Mope was dead.

The White Knight was dead.

The DaDamerican stood outside the graveyard the Pantheon was still voting on a proper
name for it his chin on the cold brick, staring at the grave.

He sighed.

"Hatman's gone, AoAmimic is off on the vacation he won on 'The Price Is Right,' Hank
has been replaced and now two of us are dead. 1997 can't get much worse."

***

Elsewhen, beneath the desert sands of a far distant world.

An eerily familiar figure looked at the monitor, which showed a panning shot of J Street,
including the images of colorful figures leaving the graveyard.

"Nice dimension," he said. "I'll take it!"

The End

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