Pursuasive Communication

Why be assertive

▪ Because - its more than subject knowledge

that makes you successful at studying &
fulfilling your career aspirations
▪ Because - assertiveness is a communication
style that can be useful in job or academic
interviews, presentations, public speaking etc.
▪ Because – assertiveness “energizes” your
communication with academics, colleagues,
friends, partners, family etc.
 Aims of this session
To discuss assertiveness in terms of;
▪ What is & isn’t assertiveness,
▪ What it will & will not do
▪ How can someone be more assertive
▪ What do you get from being an assertive
communicator
 What isn’t assertiveness
Being Selfish
▪ Here you are concerned only with your rights &
needs, with little regard for the rights & needs
of others
▪ Being Aggressive
▪ Here you are demanding, abrasive & hostile with
others. You are insensitive to other people’s
feelings & their individual rights.
▪ You succeed with sheer force, creating enemies
& conflict along the way
 What isn’t assertiveness
Being Passive-aggressive
▪ You express anger & aggression in a covert
way
▪ You fail to do your share of the work & make
unreasonable criticisms of authority
Common Traits are
▪ procrastination, sulking or arguing when you
are asked to do something, complaining
without justification, “forgetting” your
obligations, believing you are better than
others, you can’t stand useful suggestions or
constructive criticism
 What isn’t assertiveness

Being Manipulative
▪ You get others to feel sorry or guilty, you get
what you want
▪ You play the role of victim or martyr
▪ It only works work when others do not
realise what you are doing
▪ Eventually its makes people feel confused,
“crazy,” angry & resentful towards you
 To summarise !
Assertiveness is not
▪ Being selfish, aggressive, passive-aggressive
or manipulative
Even though we do use these “communicative
tactics” at some point in our lives to get what
we want
- BUT –
Spending your life or time being a non-
assertive communicator will bring you much
stress, dissatisfaction & disappointment
Assertiveness Questionnaire

Take a look at the “assertiveness

questionnaire” handout. Read each situation
and define each of your responses. Plot
graph on last page as explained to asssess
aggressive, passive or assertive or
manipulative behaviour. Share your
answers!
 What is assertiveness
▪ Direct, open & honest communication with
others
▪ Asking for what you want & saying “no” to what
you don’t want
▪ Not negating, attacking or manipulating others
▪ Respecting the dignity of other people
▪ Standing up for yourself & your rights without
apologising or feeling guilty
▪ Taking responsibility for your own needs
▪ “Energy”
 To summarise !
Assertiveness is about
▪ Being clear about your needs & rights, asking
for what you want, saying no to what you
don’t want
▪ Using direct, open & honest communication,
taking responsibility, respecting others & not
violating their rights
When you are assertive
▪ Others will feel comfortable, know where you
stand & respect you for your honesty
▪ Your needs get met, you experience less
stress & more satisfaction with life in general
What Assertiveness will not do
 Guarantee you happiness or fair treatment
by others
 Guarantee that you will automatically get
what you want in life
 Guarantee that others will be assertive &
not aggressive towards you
 Solve all your personal problems
 BUT – a lack of assertiveness will be one
reason that your feelings or needs are not
acknowledged or met by others
 How can I be more Assertive

▪ First recognise that it is culture specific

▪ Recognise that you & everyone else has a
right to your “personal fundamental
rights”
▪ Truly believing that you have a right to
your needs & have a right to ask for what
you want
▪ Taking responsibility to protect your
rights in situations where they are infringed
upon
 Fundamental Rights
▪ Is drawn from the idea that we all have basic
human rights
▪ Sometimes we do not realize these rights,
because we were not taught them as
children
▪ Being more conscious & learning to exercise
your rights is the gateway to being more
assertive
What do you think?
How can I be more Assertive
▪ First be aware of your feelings, needs & wants
▪ Then say directly how you feel inside & what
changes you would like to see happen
▪ Use “ I statements” to express yourself
“.. I feel unhappy with your
suggestion & I would like you to listen to
mine..”
▪ Do not back off or move away from someone
you are addressing (stand your ground)
How can I be more Assertive
▪ Note that 30% of our communication is
verbal, while 70% is non-verbal
▪ Develop non-verbal assertive behaviours.
These are about your voice tone, gestures,
eye contact, facial expression & posture
(“social signalling”)
▪ Non-verbal behaviours definitely influence
your impact on others
▪ For example; look directly at another person
when addressing them
How can I be more Assertive
▪ Maintain an open posture – if sitting down
don’t cross your legs/arms - if standing up do
so erectly & on both feet
▪ Stay calm - avoid getting overly emotional or
excited
▪ Practice being assertive through writing, role-
play & real life situations
▪ Don’t assume others just know how you feel,
what you need or want. Make these known
▪ Other people are not mind readers
How can I be more Assertive
▪ Learn also to say “ no ”
▪ Saying “no” sets limits on other people’s
demands for your time, especially when it
conflicts with your own needs
▪ You can acknowledge the other person’s
request by repeating it back, explain your
reason for declining & then say “no”
▪ If appropriate, suggest an alternative
proposal where both your needs will be met
How can I be more Assertive
An example of how to say “ no ”

“..I understand that you would like to have a

get together tonight [acknowledgement].
It turns out that I had a really long day &
I feel exhausted [explanation], so I will
dropout from plans for tonight [saying no].
Perhaps there can be another night later this
week, when we can have a get together –
what do you think?..” [alternative option].
What do I get from being more
assertive
▪ It enables you to obtain more of what
you need & want in life
▪ It helps minimise stress, frustration &
resentment in your relationships &
interactions with others
▪ It helps you take more risks & ask more
of life in general
▪ It adds to your sense of autonomy,
freedom & self confidence
▪ You definitely gain respect from others
for being direct, open & honest
 Coming to the end….
Assertiveness is really about
▪ Knowing what isn’t & what is assertive
communication, and what it will & will not do
▪ Ceasing opportunities to be more assertive
▪ Recognising the value in being assertive
▪ Increasing the prospect of your rights,
feelings, needs & wants being met
In all ….
 Assertiveness contributes to your academic
success, and it helps fulfil your career & life
ambitions