Writing Narrative Compositions for IGCSE and AS Exams

Nardvark's English Language exams are

coming up, which include the daunting task of
writing a composition.

Are you looking for help with your IGCSE or AS English? I can
help you. Click here for more info.

Nardvark's first obstacle is understanding the

difference between what they mean by
"descriptive" and "narrative" writing.

Always a pal, the Nerdvark explains:

Descriptive: They don't want you to tell a

story, just describe something using lots of
imagery, and appealing to all five senses.
 If it helps, imagine you're sitting or
standing in one place, and describe
everything that you
see/hear/smell/feel/taste.
 You can pretend it is part of a longer story
or a novel, guide book, etc if you think it is
bizarre to just be describing something for no
reason.
 More on DESCRIPTIVE WRITING coming up in a future blog
post. For now, if you like, look here for tips on using imagery.
Play Spot the Kitty on Android for free!
Narrative: They want you to tell a story. A
story needs certain elements:

 Plot - think of it as conflict, which is

usually labeled "Man vs. [something]" ...
"Man vs. Man", for example, The Dark
Knight is Batman vs. The Joker. "Man vs.
Nature", for example Twister is Bill and Jo
Harding vs. a big tornado. "Man vs. Self", for
example The Lion King is Simba vs
himself as he struggles to come to terms with
his place as the king of pride rock. "Man vs.
Society", for example Mockingjay, Katniss
Everdeen vs. the dystopian society she lives
in. "Man vs. Machine", for example I,
Robot, short stories with various
protagonists vs. various robots. Learn more
about conflict atWikipedia. Alternately, you
could think of the plot as a problem and a
solution.
 Characters - A short story usually has only
one or two. Develop them with visual detail
and thought or action to show personality.
 Setting - A short story takes place
somewhere. Develop the setting
using imagery.
 Dialogue - Bring your story to life with
some characters talking to each other, or by
having your main character thinking to
him/herself (internal monologue.)
 Show, don't tell. Reading a story should
be like experiencing a moment. Here's a tip -
imagine that you have a magical camera on
your shoulder, as you live through the events
of the story. The magical camera can pick up
everything, not just video and audio, but even
smells, tastes, tactile images and feelings,
too. Write down everything that the magical
camera records. Oh, but delete the boring
bits.
Let's have a look at an example.
On Nardvark's composition test, he chose the
narrative. First he read the question carefully
so he would not screw up, and then did a
quick plan:
 Nardvark's prewriting and plan.

Now, here's Nardvark's story.

4(a)
Giant Anteaters from Mars
It was a typical Saturday. I rolled out of bed at the crack of
noon and got to gaming. My tummy started rumbling so hard that I
thought the tremors would shake my laptop right off it. I realised
I’d have to go to Megamart and get some doughnuts and Hi-C.
As I passed, children dropped their tricycles and ran into their
houses crying. “Mommy, it has a long nose and a pointy horn! What
is it?”
I arrived at the shop and held the door open for a woman with
handfuls of carrier bags. She took several steps back, a horrified
look on her face.
 “Ma’am,” I said.
She gulped.
Shrugging, I entered the Megamart, heading straight to the
bakery aisle. The other shoppers scattered, leaving a mess of
aromatic baked goods in their wake. I selected a dozen assorted
doughnuts. That would keep me going for the day.
Next I would need some beverages. As I reached the fizzy-
drinks cooler, I heard a scream of terror. I didn’t think much of it,
since there was usually a lot of screaming going on around me. A
short, fat guy with a pointed horn usually has that effect on
people. I started filling my basket with bubbly drinks in various
fruity flavours.
When I turned toward the checkout counters, contemplating
whether to use the self-checkouts or try my luck with an actual
person, I was horrified by what I saw.
Something was eating the customers.
Shoppers were running about like marbles in a bucket, with
panicked faces. One skater boy, his baggy sweatshirt torn down the
middle, ran right past me shouting, “Yo, dude, a giant anteater thing
with a long tongue! It’s eating everyone, OMG!”
Not wanting to be eaten, I dropped my basket and ran for the
door. Just outside, however, hovered a bus-sized beat-up craft
covered in red dust – Mars!
Just then I saw it: a fat, green bald thing with no ears, eyes, or
nose; just two tall antennae and a long tube protruding from its
head. With its slick yellow tongue, it was grabbing the screaming
shoppers like they were ants.
There are many things about the Nardvark that nobody
knows. One is that I, too, have a long tongue. I realised that only I
could stop the Giant Anteater from Mars from eating any more of
my neighbours.
The next time his tongue came out, I stuck mine out. Our
tongues got hopelessly tangled, and he turned towards me wailing. I
rammed my horn right between his feelers.
 The people of Megamart cheered, “Oh, Nardvark, you’re my
hero!”
I instantly became the subject of many tweets and
instagrams. I was great.

Nard vs GAFM

Not including the title, Nardvark wrote 447

words; perfect for IGCSEs but you'd need to
add a few hundred more words for AS. You
will notice that there are no errors in this
story. That is because Nardvark made sure he
had time in his hour to revise and edit his
work.
Narrative Essay Topics
In a narrative essay, the writer tells a story about his/her personal experience. However,
treating a narrative essay like an interesting bedtime story would be a mistake. It goes
further. In this type of essay, the writer should speak about his/her experience within a
specific context, such as a lesson learned. With a narrative essay, the writer not only
entertains the reader but also teaches him, illustrating his point of view with a real-life
example.

If you are assigned to write a narrative essay, here are some narrative writing prompts:

NARRATIVE ESSAY WRITING

How to Choose a Narrative Essay Topic?

Choosing an interesting topic and thinking over short story ideas is particularly
important. When writing a narrative essay you should think about your life experience in
the framework of the assignment’s theme, you would like to speak about. You should
always remember that even a tiny event or incident could serve a plot for an interesting
narrative story. The point is that it should convey a meaning; it should be a kind of
instructive story.

There is a number of helpful techniques helping to invent an essay topic. If you don’t
have a clue what experience to describe, you can brainstorm with your friends, surf the
Internet or use this list of sample narrative essay topics.

Before getting started to choose a topic from the list provided by our writers, let’s read
one of the narrative essay examples:

NARRATIVE ESSAY EXAMPLE

 In case you already have the topic to write about but need help with your essay, you
can contact our essay writing service in UK to order a custom-written narrative essay
with www.essaymasters.co.uk! Our professional writers are available 24/7!

Below is the great list of short story ideas:

TOP 70 Narrative Essay Topics

1. If I could go back in time.
2. If I could change anything in the history, what would I choose?
3. The time I saw the weirdest thing in my life.
4. My most frightening experience.
5. One thing I’m afraid to lose.
6. If I could change one thing about me.
7. If I had a billion dollars.
8. If I could stop the time.
9. The most beautiful thing in the world for me.
10. The most pleasant sound for me.
11. My first day at a new school.
12. The time I lost my friend.
13. The time I got a new friend.
14. My first day at a new job.
15. My most disastrous day ever.
16. My happiest day ever.
17. The most irritating things in my life.
18. An experience that left me disillusioned.
19. How I met my fear.
20. The moment I overcome my phobia.
21. The achievement I’m proud of.
22. My most dangerous experience.
23. The journey that has changed me.
24. The experience that taught me how appearance can be deceiving.
25. My act of heroism.
26. My act of cowardice.
27. A thing I would like to change in my past.
28. My first month of living on my own.
29. The most successful day in my life.
30. The time I was wrong about the person.
31. My sudden act of a kindness.
32. What my younger sibling taught me.
33. A time when I felt that I’m experiencing a historic event.
34. How I started relationships.
35. The worst quarrel with my mother.
36. An experience I thought I would never have.
37. The biggest risk I’ve ever taken.
38. Why do I like being alone?
39. The hardest decision I’ve ever made.
40. The hardest thing I’ve ever done.
41. What challenges have I overcome?
42. How do I relieve stress?
43. What do I do when I feel depressed.
44. 5 everyday problems that bother me.
45. Who inspires me and why.
46. Whom would I ask to come if I had my own Talk-show?
47. People that have changed my life.
48. Books or movies that have changed my world view.
49. Devices playing the biggest role in my life.
50. Side effects of my digital life.
51. One day or week without an access to the Internet.
52. What my profile in social networks tells about me.
53. What music inspires me.
54. What music can change my mood?
55. What movies inspire me.
56. What role television plays in my life.
57. What television shows have mattered to me?
58. What reality-show I would like to participate in.
59. What memorable poetry have I learned?
60. What books teach me.
61. Why do I keep (or don’t keep) a diary or journal?
62. What words or phrases I don’t like to use.
63. The time I learned that grammar is necessary.
64. The greatest conversation of my life.
65. The teacher who inspired me.
66. The role clubs and teams play in my life.
67. My long-time passion.
68. What superhero power I would like to have.
69. Why I like (or don’t like) cooking.
70. Waiting in line story.

How to Start and End a Narrative Essay

Before delving into the writing of the narrative, it is always best to outline exactly what is
to be written about and what is to be achieved in terms of the purpose of the essay. The
topic must be significant and meaningful. A great deal of time should be spent gathering
thoughts together and formulating the details of the experience to be written about.

It’s very effective to begin the narrative with an introduction of the experience and sets
forth the significance of the event to be written about. This ensures that the reader
understands the meaning of the event and they read through the narrative.

Another effective technique is to get right into the narrative and then ending the
essay with a paragraph that identifies the significance of the event. Doing so allows the
reader to formulate their own perspective of the meaning of the story and allows them to
more deeply feel the perception of what the writer feels is significant.

One also must keep in mind the basic model of storytelling and it should be
encompassed in the narrative essay and used as the main outline in the document. The
steps of the model include the plot, characters, the setting of the story, the climax or
main point of the story, and the ending.

Narrative Essay Outline Template

When writing a narrative essay the writer should follow a simple template that can give
the essay structure and achieve the objective set forth by the writer. A good template to
follow is as follows:

Introduction: The introduction includes introductory statements and the thesis

statement or the lesson to be learned.

Body Paragraphs: The paragraphs are split out into at least three supporting ideas that
are to be identified for the reader.

Conclusion: The conclusion provides for closing statements and a summary of the
lesson learned from the experience written about.
Narrative Essay Outline Sample
The following is a sample narrative essay outline related to making important decisions
as a young child.

Introductory Thesis: During my life, I was faced with many situations where I had to
make important decisions but were the toughest in middle school.

Body Paragraph 1: Upstate New York is where my eyes to the world opened up
surrounded by my family and cousins and where I experienced many first-time
experiences with close friends.

Body Paragraph 2: Leaving upstate New York and the life I was used to and not
having the close bonds of family around me.

Body Paragraph 3: A turning point in my life with new surroundings, friends, and
experiences that took getting used to.

Conclusion: Leaving the security of family and friends forced me to become more
independent and to appreciate the things I had much more that made me who I am
today.

The Termination of My Position

I was sitting at my office desk when the phone rang. It was the front office buzzing, the
director of Human Resources wanted to speak with me immediately. This can’t be good,
I thought. We were on a fast-approaching deadline and needed to get the magazine
finished for printing. I didn’t have time for this. There was work to be done.

Then, for some paranoid reason, I got the fear I was losing my job. Though I had done
nothing wrong, I assumed the worst.

On my way to the HR department, I searched my memory for any wrongdoing I had

done at work. Sure, I had used some work stamps for my personal letters; I had taken
some printer paper when no one was looking, but, that didn’t warrant me being fired –
which is what I feared was going to happen in the very-near future. It was inevitable. It
had gone from a normal day to one of pure dread.

Turning the corner to the office, and even though I was growing more worried and
anxious by the minute, I walked up to the receptionist’s desk.
“Mr. Jacobs wanted to see me. I’m Ralph Thompson,” I said.

“Yes, yes, just a minute,” she said. “He is in the middle of a business call at the
moment. He’ll be right with you when he’s done. In the meantime, please have a seat.”

And I did. But it was a very long wait. Much too long when you’re expecting to get axed.

Eventually, I heard my name called.

“Mr. Jacobs will see you,” said the receptionist, who then opened the door of her boss’s
office.

The minute I walked inside, I noticed that my editor, my publisher and the company’s
boss were also in the HR director’s office. This was going to be worse than I had
imagined – much, much worse.

After saying hello to everyone, I grabbed a seat in the middle of the room. I noticed that
everyone was serious – almost too serious – and they seemed to be very
uncomfortable. Finally, I just couldn’t take it anymore.

“So I’m curious why you called me in this morning,” I said. “Is something wrong? We’re
on deadline, as you all very well know.”

“Mr. Thompson, nothing is wrong. Everything is just right. The company has made a
decision,” said the HR director.

“Yes, we have decided to terminate your position,” said the president of the company,
Jim Dorsey.

“I’m really sorry to hear that,” I said. “I … I’ve really enjoyed working here. And I don’t
know why this is happening. … Did I do something wrong?”

But, then, the most unlikely thing happened: they all broke out in laughter. And I felt like
standing up and slapping all of them with a heavy leather glove.

And then I remember being so confused.

“Guys,” said my publisher, Lori, “we should stop laughing and be serious. It gives the
wrong message. Listen, Ralph, your position is being terminated – but it has nothing to
do with your performance – which has been nothing short of stellar.”

“So why are you firing me?”

“Firing you? We’re not firing you,” she said. “It’s the total opposite.”

“So I’m firing you?”

“What? No … no, not at all,” said the president, Lori’s husband. “What Lori means is,
we’re creating an entirely new position so we can keep you and get the most out of you.
How about becoming our new website’s Content Manager? You’ll get a $10,000 raise.”

“I … I don’t know what to say. I was expecting the worst. I didn’t see this coming. Not at
all. I thought you were firing me. I was convinced of it.”

“If I were you,” he said, “I’d say ‘yes.’ ”

“You’re right,” I said after a few long seconds. “Sounds like a deal. I’ll take the job.”

And we shook hands; they said my new salary would go into effect immediately and we
all left the room for lunch.

On the way to my office, I noticed a framed poster of a quote by Mark Twain.

It read: “I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually
happened.”

And then I learned a valuable lesson: to never take life too seriously, and to expect
better things to happen to me. Because they always do. Life’s a mental thing. Embrace
it.
How to structure your writing effectively

It is important to structure your work carefully so that a reader can follow your ideas. Whether you’re writing a story, poem or biography, a strong structure
will help keep your reader engaged.

An engaging opening
In a fictional narrative, the first paragraph should hook the reader and grab their attention. You might do this by describing the setting and giving specific
detail in a way that sets the tone for the rest of the story.
You can also make a convincing start by using dialogue or by dropping your reader directly into action. For example, Suzanne Collins opens The Hunger
Games with:
WhenI wake up, the other side of the bed iscold. Myfingersstretchout, seeking Prim'swarmth but finding onlythe roughcanvascover of the mattress. She must
have hadbad dreamsandclimbed inwithour mother. Of course, she did. Thisisthe dayof the reaping.
The reader knows the location of the story and the voice of the main character. The hook comes in the final sentence. The reader has to ask ’what is the
reaping?’ A successful opening invites the reader to ask questions about the rest of the piece.

A convincing close
Aim to finish your writing in a convincing way, providing a realistic and believable ending to the narrative. Try to resolve the story and leave your reader
feeling satisfied with the way the story ends.

Using the same tense

It is easiest to write in past tense, describing events as if they happened a few days, weeks or years ago. Be clear about the distance in time and use the
same tense throughout your writing.
Here is a basic reminder of present and past tense verbs:
 Present tense Past tense

I walk I walked

She laughs She laughed

He is thinking He was thinking

Dafydd goes to the window Dafydd went to the window

An appropriate timeline of events

One way to plot a narrative is to follow a story arc. This structure uses an opening that hooks the reader and sets the scene, followed by an introduction to
the character’s thoughts and feelings, a development of the storyline, a turning point and finally a resolution.
This is called a five-stage story and can be applied to most stories. Think back to the last book you read - where were the five points to the story?
 For example, Romeo and Juliet:
1. Hook - the play opens in Verona, where two families are involved in an ongoing feud against one
another.
2. Character introduction - we meet Romeo, and then Juliet.
3. Development - our two characters fall in love, ignoring their family feud. Romeo kills Juliet’s cousin,
Tybalt, and is banished. A number of mishaps lead to Juliet faking her own death and Romeo failing to
learn of her plan.
4. Turning point - Romeo arrives to find Juliet ‘dead’, and takes his own life. Juliet, upon waking, sees
Romeo dead and kills herself.
5. Resolution - Both families learn a valuable lesson about the consequences of their ongoing conflict: they
have each lost a member of their family.
Next time you read a book or watch a film/television programme, consider the five stages of the story - at which point do you discover more about the
characters? What obstacles do the characters face? What is the turning point? How is the story resolved in a believable way?
 Paragraphing

How to use paragraphing to structure a piece of writing

Once you have planned your writing, it is important to think about the layout. Use the content of each paragraph within your work to ensure your ideas are
well organised and they follow a logical order.
Paragraphs should direct your reader through your writing, or create a particular effect. A good way to remember when to start a new paragraph is by using
the TiP ToP acronym:
Time, Place, Topic, Person

Start a new paragraph whenever you are:

 moving to a different time in your story
 changing location
 bringing in a new idea
 introducing a new character
 starting a new piece of action
 starting dialogue
You can also use paragraphs to highlight tense or significant moments within your story. For example, a one-sentence paragraph is likely to add tension or
highlight a turning point in a narrative.
When you start a new paragraph, ask yourself the questions:
 Is the narrative moving forward to a different moment in time?
 Is the narrative moving to another location?
 Is the narrative moving on to a next phase?
 Do you want to create a specific moment of tension?
Vocabulary

Using vocabulary to create effects

Using a wide range of vocabulary demonstrates a strong command of language. More
importantly, your vocabulary choices should make your writing more lively, engaging and
interesting to read.

Using particular techniques to create a specific effect

You can use figurative devices such as similes and metaphors in your writing. These can add
colour and depth to your narrative, allowing your readers to relate to the scenes you describe.
Take care to match your figurative language to the mood of your piece. For example, if you are
writing about a topic that is particularly sad or sinister, 'the clouds gathered conspiringly
overhead, the rumbles of thunder like whispers between them’ would probably be more fitting
than ‘the clouds above me were as fluffy as marshmallows’.
Using the senses in your writing

Using senses in your writing is a useful way of zooming in on details. Some people focus on the
visual aspects of a scene. By including sounds, smells, feelings and (where
appropriate) tastes you can really bring your writing to life.
Compare these two descriptions of a forest:
The trees were tall and an owl sat on a low branch above me. The green leaves were dark, even
by the light of the moon.
An owl screeched from the low branch above me. I couldn’t make out the tops of the trees, no
matter how far I craned back my neck. The green leaves seemed to whir in the cool breeze. The
moon failed to pierce the darkness.
Notice how appealing to the senses makes the second version more vivid.
Show, don’t tell
In real life we learn about people from their clothes and belongings as well as from the things
they tell us. We understand someone’s mood from their facial expressions, movements and tone
of voice – we don’t need someone to tell us they are in a bad mood…we can usually figure it out
from the way they are shouting!
It is the same when you read. Instead of telling your readers everything about a character, try
to show them instead.
For example:
Telling - The woman walked into the room looking intimidating and angry.
Showing - The woman stormed into the room, her black coat flying behind her. Her scowl was
fierce as she scanned the room. Her piercing eyes settled on Sarah.

Sentence variety

Demonstrating variety within a piece of writing

Using a variety of sentences can help you to create pace and tension in your writing. Experiment
with different sentence lengths and types to build atmosphere, mood and suspense.

Varying sentence length

Use your sentence lengths to reflect the pace of the action in the narrative. On a basic level,
short sentences can show a faster pace whereas longer sentences slow it down.
Here is an example using a long sentence:
He looked out of the window, noticing the girl who at that moment was walking towards the
heavy door to the library.
Notice the difference in pace when the same scene is described with short sentences:
He looked out of the window. He noticed the girl. She was walking towards the library door.

Varying sentence openings

Vary the way that you start sentences to keep your writing interesting and lively. For example:

Sentence opener type Example

Simile - comparing something to As quiet as a whisper, he

something else turned to me
 Sentence opener type Example

Preposition - informs you of the Beyond the gate, the road

position of someone or something stretched far away

Adverbs - an adjective to Cautiously, he moved away

describe a verb from the lion

Despite the sunshine, Mr

Tucker was wearing a heavy
Connectives – joining words coat

Time preposition - moves the Afterwards, it was clear that

timeframe to a different point he regretted his actions

Here’s a piece of writing that lacks variety:

I woke up. The sun was beaming through the window and warmed my face. I turned towards it,
closing my eyes to enjoy the moment. I stayed there for a moment, and then got out of bed. I
padded across to the window. I opened it to hear the birds outside. It looked like it was going to
be a good day.
Notice how sentence variety changes the feel of the piece:
I opened my eyes to the warmth of the sun that was beaming through the window. Turning
towards it, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment. Moments later I got out of bed and padded
across to the window. I opened it. I heard the birds outside. I knew it was going to be a good
day.

Planning a response

The importance of planning

Planning is an important part of the fiction writing process. Many professional writers use a plan
as the basis for a first draft, which they will later edit several times before the work is complete.
 Planning and proofreading should bookend your writing process. In the planning phase you
prepare your ideas and narrative structure. As you proofread you check how well your writing is
working. During each phase you might focus on vocabulary and effective forms of expression.

Planning a piece of writing

There are several different ways to plan a piece of writing; it really is whatever you find easiest
to understand. You could:
 create a mind map
 bullet point your ideas
 create a flow chart of each stage
 draw out a table

What to include in a plan

A plan is an outline of your ideas. You could use the five-part story arcor a timeframe to help
structure your narrative.
You could also use your plan to remind you of key features you want to include (figurative
language, variety of sentence structures, TiPToP paragraphs). A plan can also be a useful for
collecting vocabulary and phrases that you want to include in your final piece of writing.

Proofreading
When you have completed a piece of writing, it is a good idea to check over what you have
created. Simple spelling errors, missing punctuation or words are common errors to make when
you are writing creatively. Once you look back over a piece of work, it is easier for you to spot
things and put them right.

Sample question
Question
Write the opening part of a story about a place during a storm.

Attempt 1
It was windy and wet and the road was full of big puddles. Walking along whistling he was
making his way home from school in a bit of a dream. He’d got out early because of the bad
weather. Which is why he’s whistling. He doesn’t much like wind or rain but he likes being let
out of school early. That’s when it happens this car comes out of nowhere and just drove right
through the biggest puddle you’d ever seen. It splashed up him as he stands there drenched not
knowing what had hit him, he just knew he’d be in for it when he got home because his new
parka was filthy and his mum would be furious.
 Feedback - Basic
 The writer shows an awareness of the purpose of the task and begins to write an entertaining story.
 There is some attempt to control the narrative voice but the verb tenses vary from present to past.
 The ideas are linked well and the structure of the paragraph is good.
 There is little sentence variety and the sentence lengths are all similar, some being too long because of
punctuation errors.
 The vocabulary choices are varied and effective but could be much more ambitious.

Attempt 2
The wind howled and the rain battered down. The roads were more like a lake than a city centre
– full of puddles. Walking along whistling, a schoolboy was making his way home from school.
He was in a bit of a dream. He’d been let out early because of the bad weather. He didn’t much
like the wind or the rain but he was thrilled at being let out early. That was why he was
whistling. You would think it was a summer’s day! That was when it happened.
The car came out of nowhere and just drove right through what was more like a miniature lake
than a puddle. The water just flew up from the road and showered over the boy who stood there
drenched. He didn’t know what to do but he knew he’d be told off when he got home, he was
wearing his brand new parka which his mum and dad bought him for his birthday at the
weekend.

Feedback - Improving
 The writer communicates in a clear and effective way and matches the purpose of entertaining with the
story form and the intended audience.
 The flow of images and ideas link nicely to create a well-structured narrative.
 Sentences are varied in length and type creating a lively voice and help the story to flow.
 The vocabulary choices and imagery are varied and begin to be ambitious (eg ‘howled’, ‘like a miniature
lake’).

Attempt 3
The wind howled like a banshee turning the rain into a salvo of bullets. This was a November
day in Oxford? It was more like the monsoon season in Delhi! The roads were covered in
puddles the size of small lakes. Walking along and seemingly unaware of it all was a schoolboy.
Whistling as he strolled along, hands in his pockets, he was casually making his way home from
school. To say he was in a bit of a dream was an understatement. He’d been let out early
because of the bad weather and, although he didn’t much like either wind or rain he was in his
new parka and, best of all, he was thrilled to the core at being let out of school early. That was
why he was whistling. To him it was a summer’s day!
That was when it happened.
A car came out of nowhere and drove right through a puddle that was doing a very good
impression of a miniature lake. The water leapt up from the road with a life of its own and
drenched the day-dreaming boy. He was jolted out of his reverie and stood there dazed and
drenched. He didn’t know what to do; but he knew he’d be in for it when he got home. His brand
new parka had turned from green to a kind of dirty khaki-brown and green mixed. This wasn’t
going to be fun. The parka had been a very expensive present from mum and dad.
 Feedback- Even better
 The story is absorbing and convincing.
 Tone, style and voice all match purpose, form and audience to create an engaging narrative.
 The sentences are varied in length and type to create a lively style.
 Punctuation is accurate throughout and sophisticated in places with good use of semicolons.
 Spelling is accurate and vocabulary choices are ambitious (eg ‘banshee’, ‘understatement’, ‘reverie’ and
‘khaki-brown’).
 The description is impressive with some great uses of figurative language and alliteration (eg ‘like a
banshee’, ‘thrilled to the core’, ‘leapt up’ and ‘dazed and drenched’).