The Soft Skills Are the Hard Ones
Emotional Intelligence and Leadership
Fred Jacques is a leadership educator
and organizational consultant with
over thirty years of experience in both
the public and the ­private s­ ectors.
His consulting practice ­focuses on
leadership development, ­executive
coaching, and change management
with clients globally and was launched
following a successful career as
an ­internal consultant and human
resources manager for ­several large
­organizations. Fred has developed
programs on emotional intelligence,
conflict resolution, effective
­interpersonal ­communication, team
building, and all facets of leadership
development from the individual to
the ­executive level. He has a PhD in
­organizational behavior, teaches in
executive ­development programs at
the University of Calgary, Canada, and
is a certified professional in ­human
resources (CPHR).
© Business Expert Press 978-1-94819-886-8 (2018)
www.businessexpertpress.com
Fred Jacques
Abstract: Leadership is a demanding and complex role. It
requires knowledge, skills, and strong b ­ usiness a­ cumen
to succeed. But increasingly, research is showing that
these are necessary but not necessarily s­ ufficient f­ actors
for a leader to be truly successful. In addition to t­ echnical
skills, leaders need people skills to ­succeed: to ­leverage
their own strengths and to bring the best efforts forth
from their team by building trust and strong r­ elationships.
The knowledge and skills ­required ­comprise ­emotional
­intelligence, and these soft skills are sometimes the
­hardest to master.
Keywords: Emotional intelligence, Empathy,
Leadership, Relationships, Results, Self-awareness
Introduction
There is a provocative question with no simple ­answer:
What does it take to be a successful leader? The world
of work is complex and unpredictable. Whether you
work in a large corporation, a small entrepreneurial
firm, a technology start-up, or the government sector,
the ­demands on leaders are unrelenting. What are the
basics for success? Clearly, leaders in any sector need to
have the knowledge, skills, and experience and the drive
to deal with complexity and uncertainty while achieving
sustainable results. Leadership requires a certain kind
of “smarts” ranging from book-smart to street-smart, and
leaders need the training, the technical knowledge, and
the business acumen to succeed. But why is it that many
smart, hard-working leaders who have everything that
they need “on paper” to succeed still do not reach the
full potential for themselves and the business? Clearly,
something more is needed.
Of the many kinds of smarts that leaders need ­today in
order to succeed, there is one kind that is gaining i­ ncreasing
attention and credence: emotional ­ intelligence, or EI.
This “other kind of smart” emerges as a key differenti-
ator that explains why some ­leaders excel and surpass
the norm in achieving better ­results and higher ­levels
of sustainable satisfaction and growth for t­hemselves,
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 The Soft Skills Are the Hard Ones
their teams, and their o ­ rganizations. Many
of the skills that make up what we ­today
refer to as EI would in ­another era have
been identified as “soft skills.” But as we
will see, there is nothing soft or easy about
­developing ­approaches and behaviors that
help a leader in the hard-nosed world of
business to ­create bottom-line outcomes. By
leveraging skills like personal vulnerability,
on the one hand, and the active practice of
empathy, on the other, leaders not only get
results but get better results. It is one more
way, as Jim Collins suggested in his book of
the same name, to move your organization
from good to great.
Leadership: The Basics
To move forward, it is best to get back to
basics: What is leadership? Dictionary.
com (2017) defines it variously as “a ­person
who guides or directs a group” and as “the
ability to lead.” These straightforward
definitions do not really do justice to the
demands and complexity of the task. Lead-
ers get things done. They get things done
on their own and by working with and
through other people. Leaders articulate
the what, the how, the when, and, from a
transformational leadership perspective,
­ Wherever there are people, there are
also the why of what we do. The “why”
addresses the central question of work by
­giving people a sense of purpose for what
they are ­doing and a ­reason and motivation
to ­invest themselves in the process.
Kouzes and Posner (2013) in their hugely
influential book The Leadership ­Challenge ­assert
that there are five practices of e ­ xemplary
leadership, the first of which is to “Model
the Way.” Leaders need to go first and to set
the example for the kind of leader that they
want to be; to be a role model and a culture
creator through ­demonstrating a ­ ttitudes,
­actions, and behaviors that ­embody the
kind of organization they want to establish,
­nurture, and grow.
In my work with leaders over the years,
when we first meet I always ask them this
question: Why do you want to be a leader?
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Surprisingly, this often stops them in their
tracks as it is either the first time, or the
first time in a very long time, that they have
taken a pause to step back and address the
fundamental questions of why am I here
and what am I hoping to accomplish as a
leader? Whether it is a seasoned CEO, or
an individual contributor aspiring to their
first leadership role, I think that it is im-
portant to challenge them to surface and
identify their purpose in being a leader.
There is no question that a leader needs
the k ­nowledge, skills, experience, and
confidence to make the tough decisions
­
and keep their ­organization on track. But
why and how they make those decisions
will often be a major factor in whether
they ultimately succeed. The starting point
is: leader—know thyself  ! One road map to
that self-awareness comes through the
­knowledge and practice of EI.
Emotional Intelligence as an Enabler
of Leadership Success
EI entered the public psyche when ­Daniel
Goleman published his book Emotional
­Intelligence in 1995. In truth, EI has e ­xisted
since humans first walked the planet:
­
­emotions, and that is certainly true of any
workplace. Emotions are both the subtext and
the ­context of our relationships with others.
Over the past 20 years, EI has been
extensively researched to determine its
­
contribution to making leaders successful.
Most models of EI build on the same core
components:
■■ Emotional Self-Awareness
■■ Emotional Self-Regulation
■■ Understanding Emotions in Others
■■ Building Effective Relationships: Social
Skills
First and foremost, leaders must be aware
of their own emotional state. A leader who
moves through his or her day on autopi-
lot without paying attention to their stress
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 The Soft Skills Are the Hard Ones
level, attitude, tone of voice, or demeanor
(all directly influenced by their emo-
tional state) risks having the i­mpact of an
­emotional hurricane. They leave ­distracted
or distraught colleagues, clients, and staff
in their wake.
As humans we naturally impact each
others’ emotions. A leader’s emotions have
a more significant impact as their mood
can quickly become the mood of the entire
team. This can cut both ways: A leader in a
positive emotional state can help to create
a healthy, optimistic mood in their group;
a leader prone to moodiness or negativity
will likely see that reflected in the tone and
interactions within their team. This relates
to a concept called “emotional contagion,”
which explains how we can catch emotions
from others. Neuroscience has provided
the biological basis for this process by iden-
tifying that we possess brain cells called
mirror neurons, which enable us to both
reflect and influence the emotions of those
around us. Our emotional state—even our
heart rate—will vary in accordance with
the emotions of those around us.
In many studies of leadership derailers—
factors that can seriously undermine oth-
erwise successful leaders—poor emotional
awareness and self-management, and a
lack of awareness of one’s impact on oth-
ers, are highlighted as key factors that can
“bring a leader down.”
Self-awareness does not mean navel-
gazing: Few leaders have the time t­oday
to check their own schedule, let  alone to
check in with themselves to assess their
current emotional state and how it might
impact their interactions with those around
them. Luckily, however, there are some
­basic techniques and approaches that lead-
ers can embed in their daily practices that
can enhance their emotional smarts.
One adage that encompasses the ­wisdom
of the ages is to “take a deep breath.” Most
of us have received or offered the advice to
a colleague or team member whose emo-
tions seem to be running ahead of them. But
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this is a crucial first step to self-awareness
that is available to each of us. Step back and
take a deep breath and ask: What is going
on right now? What am I  thinking? What
am I feeling?
We may not be able to instantly ­rectify
the situation that is provoking an e ­ motional
reaction, but we can control how we ­express
that reaction. That opportunity is at the
heart of EI. One of my favorite expressions
is “If you can name it—you can tame it.” If
I can identify the emotion that I am experi-
encing, I can choose how to express it. That
includes anger.
Anger is a perfectly valid emotion and
may indeed be the correct emotional
response in a given situation. However,
­
how I express that anger may be crucial to
the outcome of the situation. In a meeting,
if I respond angrily to a comment made by
a peer, it might derail the entire meeting
as other participants become uncomfort-
able in the presence of strong emotion,
or shut down for fear of provoking the
same ­ response from me. As an alterna-
tive, I  could choose to wait until a break,
and ask the colleague with whom I had the
difference of opinion if we could have an
­off-line conversation. Then I could share
my concern, often in a more measured and
­productive fashion and hopefully r­esolve
the issue without the risk of unnecessarily
impacting colleagues and creating “collat-
eral damage.” Again, it is not the ­expression
of anger that is the issue: It is how and
when that anger is expressed.
Having the opportunity to exercise that
choice requires us to be aware of our emo-
tional state in the moment. That takes
patience and practice. One approach that
can help to create that awareness and,
­ultimately, the choice is mindfulness.
Mindfulness as a Leadership Practice
For most people, hearing the word mind-
fulness likely conjures up the image of a
white-robed guru sitting atop a mountain
lost in contemplation. While there may
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