So, many of the people who constantly watch of the shot decreases.
of the shot decreases. (Also known as the
anime practically knows that the word "Realism"
and the word "ANIME" can't be in the same
sentence (Except for some SOL anime's,but
sometimes they still defy real world NORMS)
So i might as well state the hundred laws of the
anime universe.Note that these laws are ever
growing and it might change in the near future,
unless Haruhi destroys the future.
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The
normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever
someone or something jumps, is thrown, or
otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is
reduced by a factor of 4.
* Some things have been known to "Float" for a
few seconds before plummeting to hit
the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of
Anime Acoustics- In space, loud sounds, like
explosions, are even louder because there is no
air to get in the way.
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of
Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust equals
constant velocity.
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law
of Anime Motion- The larger a mechanical
device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha
are the fastest objects known to human science.
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a
constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he
does something "cool" or "impressive". Time
slows down when friends and lovers are being
killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good
Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of two
ways - either so quick they don’t even see it
coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where
the character gains much insight to the workings
of society, human existence or why the toast
always lands butter side down.
*NOTE: Sometimes, Anime heroes or villains
never really die! In these rare cases they were a
clone or cyborg and the real hero/villain’s
suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or
something.
missing body parts, or wounds the size of
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes
some time for bad guys to die... regardless of
physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are
killed so quickly they don’t even see it coming,
it takes them a while to realize they are dead.
This is attributed to the belief that being evil
damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes
involving extreme amounts of action are
depicted with either still frames or black screens
with a slash of bright color (usually red or
white).
#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that
only happen once, for instance, a "Good Guy"
kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least
3 times from 3 different angles.
#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility-
Everything explodes. Everything. First
Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary- Large cities are the most
explosive substances known to human science.
Tokyo in particular seems to be the most
unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as
"The Matchstick City".
#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all
things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is
always an energy build up (commonly referred
to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space
craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive
qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is
related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.
#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The
destructive potential of any object/organism is
inversely proportional to its mass. First
Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome
big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko
phenomenon.
#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER*
runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless
they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed,
and unconscious.
#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of
a "Good Guy" when operating any form of
firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot
increases. The accuracy of the "Bad Guys" when
operating firearms decreases when the difficulty
Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy"
in a drunken stupor being held upside down
from a moving vehicle will always hit, and
several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a
"Good Guy" standing alone in the middle of an
open field will always miss. First Corollary- The
more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they
will hit anyone or do any real damage. Second
Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced
with insurmountable odds, the "Bad Guys" line
up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them
all out with a single burst of automatic fire and
then escape. Third Corollary- Whenever a
"Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in
a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh
wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the
"Good Guy" from doing anything more
strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using
melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or
doing complex martial arts maneuvers. *Fourth
Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires,
the fewer times he will hit.
#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability-
Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The Minority
Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men
who like this stuff needs to get out more.)
#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human
body contains over 12 gallons of blood,
sometimes more, under high pressure.
#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and
other supernatural creatures have at least three
eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or
brown, but black is not unknown, and can only
be hurt by bladed weapons. *Also, acid has been
known to work just as well...
#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge
galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large
war machines full of cruel, heartless,
bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and
defeated with a single insignificant example of a
caring/loving emotion or a song.
First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine
(mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire
army, the army always loses.
#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical
geniuses aren’t...
#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability-
People never notice the little things... like
Seattle.
#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children
are smarter than adults. And almost twice as
annoying.
#24- Law of Americanthromorphism-
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles,
either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a
big stupid "Good Guy".
First Corollary- The only people who are more
stupid than the big dumb Americans are the
American translators. (Sometimes referred to as
the Green Line Effect)
Second Corollary- The only people who are
more stupid than the American translators are
the American editors and censors.
Third Corollary- Canadians are usually
portrayed as smart, strong, handsome "Good
Guys".
#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The
size of a person’s mouth is directly proportional
to the volume at which they are speaking or
eating.
#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-
human mutation will invariably:
1) be female.
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a
genetic mutation.
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.
#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any
powerful weapon capable of
destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot
will invariably be reserved and used as a last
resort.
#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence-
The formal training required to operate a
spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to
its complexity.
#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being
displaying extremely high levels of martial arts
prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in
the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually
blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys".
This is attributed to Good being higher in the
electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic
Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races
are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying
humanity for some obscure reason.
#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability-
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a
natural hair color. This color can change without
warning or explanation.
#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in
anime is pretty much indestructible, and can
resist any amount of meteorological conditions,
energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive
effects and still look perfect. The only way to
hurt someone’s hair is the same way you deal
with demons... with bladed weapons!
#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime
follows certain predictable guidelines: Female
characters wear as little clothing as possible,
regardless of whether it is socially or
meteorologically appropriate. Any female with
an excessive amount of clothing will invariably
have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off
somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off
aforementioned female’s clothes, then she will
inexplicably take a shower for no apparent
reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower
Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male
characters invariably wear long cloaks that don’t
hamper movement and billow out dramatically
behind them.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime
characters are resistant to extremely cold
temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or
warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)-
Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any
form of damage.
*Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)-
The clothing on the hero is indestructible. Their
capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts,
dresses, bows, or any loose clothing will just
flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice
attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that
the clothes are made out of Anime Character
hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)
#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any
character capable of musical talent (singing,
playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically
capable of doing much more "simple" things,
like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an
intergalactic war, and so on. Especially if
they’ve never attempted these things before.
#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also
called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys"
group together, it tends to be in groups of five.
There are five basic positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed
several attributes, which include:
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation
#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All
anime females have an extra dimensional storage
space of variable volume somewhere on their
person from which they can instantly retrieve
any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious
dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The
most common item stored is a heavy mallet,
costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large
bazookas.
#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to
be rather large in Anime. This is because they
contain several gallons of water, which may be
instantaneously released at high pressure through
large tear ducts. The actual volume of water
contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no
evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are
actually capable of running out. The reason
water tends to collect in the eyes is because
Anime characters only have one large sweat
gland, which is located at the back of the head.
When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or
worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but
very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at
finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate
to how desperately you want to be successful.
The more you want, the less you get and vice-
versa.
First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to
apply to Otaku in the real world.
#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually
aroused, males in Anime don’t get erections,
they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is,
though. the current theory suggests that larger
eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus
tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don’t get
nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a
blush along the cheeks and across the nose,
suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo
swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not
sharper.
#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always
send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it done in
half the time and twice the angst.
#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is
no Law #43.
#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the
likelihood of success and damage done by a
martial arts attack is directly proportional to the
volume at which the full name of the attack is
announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).
#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis-
Regardless of how long or involved the
transformation sequence or how many times
they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming
are too stunned to do anything to
interrupt it.
#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply
changing into a costume or wearing a teensy
mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to
even your closest friends and relatives.
*#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible
Emission- All anime characters seem to have
some unknown chemical on their breath that
reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or
spicy food. This chemical may also be
responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind
the eyes and from the mouth when a
character (usually a female) is really angry.
*#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible
Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or burned,
YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire
body will be scorched, seconds later, your skin
won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the
"Pikachu Effect").
First Corollary- When a magical bad
guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame, wind, or ice
attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the
hero(es)/heroine(s) to be standing in the
"Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her
eyes shut and letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!",
and yet they are never harmed. This may be in
part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.
*#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character
insults a female character, he will get a mallet,
shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that
can perform magical feats, a fireball or
whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also
known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor")
This is because he always deserves it, and will
help him to cope in today’s society. (>Sniff
Sniff< So True!!)
*#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all)
Anime artists are perverts and are under the
impression that girls are willing to tear off their
clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits
at the drop of a pin (or pen for that
matter). Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are
under the same impression.
*#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative
Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws
44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved
the Spell or projectile attack is, and the
likelihood of success and damage done by the
volume at which the full name of the attack is
announced, or how many times they’ve seen it
before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a
hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an
extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do
anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the
"Dragon Slave Phenomenon")
*52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of
the time, some Anime characters (usually males)
will think personal (Like that he/she has
sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts,
while near some other character, WHO’S
TELEPATHIC!! The reasons for this are:
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just don’t give a damn.
The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react
are:
1) They’re preoccupied with doing something
else.
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that
they are Telepathic.
3) They just don’t give a damn.
+#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be
any color of the viewable spectrum.
+#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic
relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-
mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the
combination of any two of those traits. First
Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting
too horny, stupid, etc., there will invariably be
an old woman to whap him over the head with a
frying pan or something.
+#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old
Japanese men always know how it ends and
withhold the ending from anyone, especially the
hero. This includes special power weapons,
ancient relics, and people who know everything.
+#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any
"Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons
will never use those powers/weapons against the
"Good Guy" until it is too late.
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from
Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome which require
all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify
their prowess and not use it against the "Good
Guy".
Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any
new, secret, or superior military device without
one of the following events occurring:
a) The control device being broken. The control
device being taken by the "Good Guy".
c) The control device is in fact not the real
device at all and was just "fooled" by the "Good
Guy".
d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot
use the device.
+#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume-
Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of
the face’s total surface area. More so if the case
is a blonde woman.
+#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair
attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two
outcomes:
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-
flying-everywhere-behind-me look. A negative
charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-
the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.
+#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When
there are multiple types of ammunition available
(paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will
always be more accurate when compared to
"standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for
paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)
+#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a
comedy series, a male character’s attractiveness
to women is inversely proportional to how active
they pursue them. (Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto
[OVA] have a seemingly endless supply of
willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic
skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot couldn’t
get a date despite [or because of] their constant
attempts.)
+#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a
person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward
situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat
pores on the body contract, except for ones on
the forehead. These pores expand to such a
degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp
from 7-11.
+#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A
person who has been training for 3 years is never
as good as someone who has been training for
one month.
+#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The
needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the
few or even the one.
+#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone
says something that is intended to be funny,
whether actually funny or not, the rest of the
characters (even animals) fall to the ground with
their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes
accompanies the fall. *(The sound of a cow
mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)
+#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a
female character gets mad, such as seeing the
male character with another girl, she becomes
extremely strong (despite her usually helpless
look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt
the guy. She can sometimes perform other
punishments that are just as cruel such as
pinching the guy’s face so hard that it changes
shape. *(see law #49)
+#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an
altitude equal or greater than two times the
height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an
inverse coefficient relative to the upward
momentum and mass/weight (if within at least
500 km of any gravity source) of the entity
"jumping".
Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian
"opposite force" (in accordance to normal
downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is
equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also inversely
proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne
entity. In all actuality, an entity that appears to
be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot
from space will actually land, producing an
opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb.
of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a
"Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a mysterious
exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite
force, thusly increasing this variable by a factor
equal to the inverse-gravity potential.
+#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient
Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the
Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good
Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be increased by a
proportional amount to compensate. In any
situation where this does not happen, the "Bad
Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this
usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient
Dramatic tension, which will *always* be offset
by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s"
Style Coefficient.
+#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No
matter how complex or well defined the control
system, a character controlling a vehicle of any
sort always does so through means of
undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions
with their vehicles which clearly defy normal
physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity
and Constant Thrust). The velocity, attitude and
traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at
will, with the degree of absolute control being
proportional to the complexity and lethality of
the maneuver.
Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to
remove characters from or disrupt the passage of
their vehicles without the character’s consent.
This does not always apply to "Bad Guy"
characters, or "Good Guy" characters in
situations where the Ambient Dramatic Tension
could increase in accordance with the Law of
Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.
+#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation
of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation
where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases
without a corresponding increase in the "Good
Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad
Guy" usually come out on top, but also his
Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the
rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.
+#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect-
Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival
instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming
stimulus that is not directly and immediately to
the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless
blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing
Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain
activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream,
the scene is often played out in slow motion.
+#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers-
Whenever a female character witnesses a male
character of her preference performing any sort
of questionable act (i.e. Looking at another girl
or anything she might construe as perverted) she
can reach into an interdimensional
realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a
huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to
whack the said male over the head with. *(see
Laws # 37, 49, and 65)
+#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a
character is injured (usually in a head shot,
maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will
always instantly appear on the wounded
individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross
fashion). These bandages will then, most likely,
disappear by the character’s next scene.
+#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any
projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail
of bullets, can be easily defended against by
holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other
bladed weapon between the attacker and
defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the
incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go
flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed
most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.
+#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no
such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with
horrifying supernatural forces that would drive
most men mad, anime characters will either:
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other
laws [e.g., slowdown and
exposition]),
Get possessed by them, especially if they are
beautiful girls or men in a
position to ravish beautiful girls, or
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and
walk on whistling.
+#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a
dramatically correct moment, a hero can
summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind
him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.
+#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero
who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret
will invariably succeed regardless of disguise
because everyone around him/her will forget
everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon
keep her disguise?

+#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a
hero will always coalesce into thick strands that
drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless
of wind, the elements, etc. *(see Laws 32 & 48)
+#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event
will happen to the ONE character LEAST
capable of dealing with it.
*#79- Law of Martial Arts Training
Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial
arts will enable you to become so strong, that
you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare
palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found
the hard way that it just doesn’t work in real life.
*#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics-
If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will
invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long
overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and
mustache (pipe optional), and be a great
tactician. If the captain is female, however, she
will invariably be young, well endowed, and
ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she
too will be a great tactician.
*#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades
can make you instantly cool, even if you’re
normally a klutz.
*#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response
to any change in the plotline of a Hentai anime is
to start having sex.
*#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is
deemed too impossible will become possible.
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-
that’s impossible!" whenever the hero is
accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile
will find out too late that he is wrong and will
invariably be toastied.
*#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero
is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed by the
villain, he will invariably release powers/new
moves he never knew he could accomplish. but
his old teacher did!
*#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation
where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will
become stronger, smarter and more cool in a
matter of seconds. (see Laws #67, 69, and 84)
*#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor-
Whenever the villain actually succeeds in
beating the hero, they will begin to gloat
uncontrollably, because they’ve never won
against the "Good Guy" (because they’re
Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they tie
the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom
and leave to get a snack. Usually this results in:
a) The hero escaping.
Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toastied.
*#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS
no spoon.
*#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai,
ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have the
magical power of either inducing orgasm or
arousal. Some include warm water, rolling on a
smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the
character toweling themselves after a
bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles
of 7-up.
*#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men
in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis(lengths
of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common).
Some even have ones the size of telephone
poles, despite the blood loss that would
accompany it.
*#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All
Hentai women have the following
characteristics:
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with
large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.
*#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime
women can take penis lengths of 8" and up.
Completely. despite the fact that they might have
a tight and/or sensitive vagina.
*#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are
introduced by way of appearance while someone
talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of
a voice-over of them introducing themselves.
*#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either
Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one
cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the
hero will be accompanied by a Dog, Cat or any
kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found
with a hero of the male persuasion. Any animal
that would be associated with girls that is
following
him around is there because:
1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not
to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the
heroine will be accompanied by a cat, cute lil’
mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or
any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be
found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any
animal that would be associated with guys that is
following her around is there because:
1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not
to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.
*#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes
are blessed with a unique sort of ability that
enables bad things to happen to those that
deserve it or makes things like bullets or debris
totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb
Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of
it. Those who have this ability include Vash the
Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar
Binks.
*#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime
Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No!
Really, she is! I’m not lying!.")
First Corollary- Even when raped or molested
by tentacles, Hentai Anime girls eventually get
into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one
knows WHY this is, but some theorize there may
be some kind of chemical that is secreted
through the skin of the tentacle.
Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated
by a tentacle creature never experience morning
sickness, and also find it to be intensely
pleasurable (Also known as the Goofy Meter
Redline Effect).
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting...
offspring of tentacle/human relations is
immediately sexually active, often impregnating
its own mother again.
*#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a
grudge can and will go at each other, sometimes
ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so
much, that property damage begins to occur.
First Corollary- A running fight can be so
destructive, you can follow it from a distance
just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as
the "A-ko/B-ko Thing")
*#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have
a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables
them to regenerate from a massive wound or
broken bone within minutes. Being immortal
sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss
Effect".)
*#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics-
All ships, either waterborne or spaceborne, have
the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or
not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not)
Weighted among the crew are various quirks
which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
6) Homophobicness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)
*#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character
of the main character’s interest appears, flowers,
sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors
appear around said character, or both. Roses
with exaggerated thorns appear when it is
dangerous love. No one knows why this is,
though most have a theory: Anime characters are
freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to
think so.
*#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like
wrestling, anything and everything can happen.