Pantheon Comics #12:

"What's Love Got To Do With It?"

Digest By Jason Yu

Chapter One
By Amazon

Joe Gallagher City

The Joe Gallagher Avatar leaned back against the his chair, propping his feet up on the
top of his desk, not caring about the mountains of paperwork littered on it. A small red
light flashed on his control panel indicating a incoming message. Joe Gallagher flipped
the screen button opening the communication lines. The image on the screen was that of
Amazon.

"What can I do for you, Amazon? I trust all is well with you."

"Joe, have you noticed anything peculiar happening lately?"

The Avatar turned and scanned the monitors around the room.

"No, not that I know of. There isn't anything going on - no major villains or chaos
disrupting anything right now. Should stay that way for a while. Why do you ask?"

Amazon hesitated.

"Tha-, that isn't what I meant."

Joe Gallagher leaned forward.

"I can't read your mind, you know. You're gonna have to spell it out for me."

"Have you heard of Dr. Love?"

"Yeah, he's that famous radio DJ, isn't he? Personally, I don't see what's so hot about him.
I'm not into the mushy songs that he plays."

"Speak for yourself. A-a-a-a-nyways, I was listening to his station and Dr. Love was
taking requests. A caller came on line and requested Hopelessly Devoted To You to be
played for J'onn."

"That's great! A'nne must really be devoted to J'onn!"

"Joe, it wasn't A'nne."

"W-who requested the song?"

"KC Suberman."

"You're kiiiidddddding."

"God's honest truth."

"Well, what did J'onn have to say about that?"

***
Hack's and Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

A small, chubby child wearing nothing but a diaper walked in, climbed on a stool, and
beckoned to a foul-smelling Joe Grendel.

Grendel set aside the tomato juice and looked at the kid.

"This isn't a daycare, kid. Where's your mommy?"

"Ain't a kid."

"Yeah, got ID, Pampers?"

The chubby, diaper-clad child whipped out a bow and arrow aiming it straight at his
heart.

Grendel's mood darkened.

"That's not a toy. You're gonna hurt someone with that."

The child released his grip driving the arrow straight into Grendel's heart.

Grendel stumbled a few steps backwards and clutched his chest, but there was no wound.
No blood to be found on his shirt.

The kid disappeared. Grendel hadn't seen him leave. Nor did he care.

"Something wrong with your heart?" A voice questioned.

Grendel looked up.

hellgirl.

"No," Grendel smiled, "something wonderful with my heart."

 Chapter Two: Cara Mia!
By Joe Grendel
Hack's and Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

"Let Love Rule" was playing on the jukebox.

Chet looked up at the ceiling, covering the drink he was mixing with his hand to keep the
plaster out of it.

"What is going on up there?"

The door from the back room slammed open and a wild-eyed Hack burst out into the bar.

"It's horrible! It smells like rotten eggs for something up there and the noise! It sounds
like they're torturing cats or something"

The glasses sitting in a rack at one end of the bar began to vibrate violently.

OzBat paled.

"Oh my. Love amongst the damned. I think I may be ill "

The rack of glasses fell from the bar, smashing on the floor.

Chapter Three: Connections Love Connections

By Wet Willie

J Street

The Minutemen were battling a menace known asboredom. They were all sitting out in
the street, itching for action.

Dom said, "People! Calm down! We should be HAPPY that there's no world threatening
aliens or conquerors or anything!"

"Yeah, but, honey, THIS IS BORING!"

"Thank you, Red Monster, I'm sure we're all aware of that. We just have to wait it out,
though. We're not going to go out and stir up any trouble"

"Hey, uh, Valentine's day is coming up, right? What if we go shopping for Valentine's day
presents?"
"Cable77, we're MINUTEMEN! We don't need no steenking Valentines!" said Dom. The
thought of it actually disgusted her.

Just then, a short, fat kid in a diaper walked up. He had a bow and a quiver of arrows on
his back. He was walking rathermechanically.

"STATE YOUR BUSINESS!" That was Black King.

The child silently drew out two arrows, raised his bow, and fired in the direction of Dom.
The second arrow made its way to JYu.

"Oh, no you don't! I know this story. There is no way you're gonna make ME fall in
love." JYu seemed angry as he grabbed the arrow and snapped it in two before it reached
his chest.

After Cupid fired the arrows, he made a disappearing act, annoying several fight-ready
Minutemen.

JYu turned to the crowd.

"Well, people, I guess we just got a visit Um, Dom? Please stop that."

"Jason, darling, I can't help myself anymore! You're so "

"Can it, woman. What we have here is a stereotypical visit from Cupid. Well, you can bet
I'm not going to stand around and just let this continue to happen. If there's one thing I
can't stand, it's love. Minutemen, we're going to make J Street safe for the decent people!"

Binary11 spoke up.

"What if we fought "

Then, everyone was overcome by a foul stench. A stench so foulwell, it was pretty rank.
It was the Skunkmobile.

"Yoo-hoo! Binary11! Hop in, baby! Let's go for a ride!"

"Awright! Skunk Girl finally knows I'm alive! Later, losers!"

The two drove off, in their stinkiness.

"This has got to stop. No way Skunk Girl would fall for Binary11 like that unless she was
under the influenceof Cupid."

"Awww, JYu, Cupid's not such a bad guy! He allowed me to finally see the truth about
what I've always felt for you!", said Dom.
Becoming nauseated, JYu ordered the team to Grendel's, so they could further investigate.

***

WJST Smoothies FM Radio Station

"Allllll right! This is Doctor Looooooove spinning your favooorites in romantic music.
This one's going out to Big Barda at MRMIRACLE'S House of Discount Therapy!
Barda, here's Always" The music began to play. "It's from kevrhon"

Dr. Love took off his headphones.

"If this goes according to plan, I'll be in charge soon. Cupid's in my control, and I'll
control all the love in the world, baby," he thought. He stood in front of the mirror.

"Doctor Loooooooooove, THE Loooooove Bandit!" He loved saying his name out loud.

Chapter Four: Awwwww!

By The Jester

J Street

Joe Rice was walking around, fists shoved in his pockets, mumbling and grumbling. His
attire was different from his usual tights: In fact, he had on jeans, his trade-mark red
Chuck Taylors, a long-underwear shirt, and a Hawaiian polyester number over it. As good
as that shirt felt, he wasn't too happy.

Rassafrassin' February, he thought. Stupid Valentines. Why celebrate the massacre of a

saint with candy and petty flirting. And rejected dates. Shot down by Ice Queen, Wonder
Mormon, AND Adrenalin. The women in the Pantheon were generally not interested in
someone of his less advanced age of 19. And there never seems to be anyone near my age
here on J Streetwait. There is that one girl

"Ooph!" Joe said, coming back to reality. He had just run into

"You! You're that girl!"

"What?" the young girl said.

"Uh, I mean, I've seen you before. Not that I've been stalking or anything sorry I ran into
you ummmm "

"Wait! I remember you! You were one of Uncle Mope's friends, right? The Idiot or
something!"
"The Jester. But you can call me Joe. Rice, that is. Not Gallagher or Grendel. Totally
different people."

"Uh, yeah. I know. I'm Mickey. Mickey O'Peigh. Pleased ta meecha!"

"The, uh, pleasure's all mine!"

Uncomfortable pause. Then each started with their "Well, I'd better be going's" and "I've
got to be's."

Walking down the street, Joe thought again. Wow! She's really cute! Sweet, too. How old
is she, though? Oh, couldn't be much younger than me. Four or five years at the most.
Wow! I'm an "older" man! Oh, who am I kidding? She probably

***

Over the radio waves:

"Awwwwright, baby. You know it. This is Doctah Loooooooooooooove! And I have
another requested dedication, hotand I mean HOTof the presses. This is "The Theme to
My Favorite Martian" for JJ from KC. Awwwwww, yeah "

Chapter Five: Love makes doofuses of us all

By Mope

J Street

WJST Radio Station

Friday night, 1:45 AM

Radio stations can be lonely places at those times that most people would think they are
the most exciting, in those non-business hours of the late nights and weekends.
Depending on the radio station, there might only be the DJ there, sitting in a small room
at the end of a dark hallway. When the shift changes, and the next DJ comes in, they
might be haunted momentarily by the strange echoing vibrato music can make when its
heard from a distance, in an empty office building.

Tonight, that next DJ just walked in, and her name is Mickey. Sure, she's only 14, but that
miracle of super-hero law cases, "B. Batson versus Continuity Police Department"
allowed any minor, regardless of age to work in the exciting world of broadcast
communications. So, Mickey got to pull the 2-6 AM shift at WJST, that magical time of
radio where most rookies start, and some of the most engaging radio can be found.

The music stopped, there was a pause and a red light flashed on, reminding "ON AIR."
Then that voice, that nasty "pro DJ" voice that was The Love Dokta. Mickey half-
listened, then CRINGE-d when she heard him mention she was next up. And people call
Captain Pantheon the "Big Cheese" she thought.

Having selected some CD's and vinyl to play (U2's The Joshua Tree, Julee Cruise's
Floating into the Night, and the Cowboy Junkies' Black Eyed Man, she walked into the
studio, as The Love Doktor finished his good-bye-blah-blah. Mickey figured that as long
as she was doing the sleepy-time show, she might as well make the most of it, and
besides she really liked getting to just play what she liked, versus having to kowtow to
the rigid format the "prime-time" shows had to live by. Mickey considered for a second
sticking around to chat to the Doctor d'Amour, then decided against that.

Soon enough, he was gone, and the night was Mickey's.

***

J. Street
6:30 AM

Dawn on J Street is a beautiful thing, as rays of light from an infinite number of possible
worlds begin to filter across the cityscape, seemingly racing each other for a place in the
coming day. Being February, this early morning light show was only exaggerated, as
flecks of ice and frost reflect the amber light, sometimes framing them in the frigid mist
of early morn.

Bundled up, and carrying home some borrowed CDs from the station, Mickey made her
way home from the station. As she walked, she looked up from her step to take in the
sight of the sunrise. The air was sharp, but she felt compelled somehow to breathe deeply
and smile, her cheeks turning red as the cool air brushed aside her bangs. Mickey thought
to herself at that point that she was happy here, surprisingly so, after taking such a drastic
chance on a "new world". Oh sure, the Captain Pantheon thing was kind of weird, but she
wasn't thinking about that right now. She was herself; she was out on her own, and doing
something pretty darn cool with her time.

Mickey ascended up the stairs to her loft, had just enough forethought to turn up the
Mayoral Building heat, put on the Smiths' Hatful of Hollow, and take off her coat, before
Mickey collapsed quite comfily on her blanketed mattress, succumbing quickly to the
allures of hard-earned sleep.

***

Mickey's 4th floor Loft

2 PM, later that day

The trap door leading to the stairs down to the 3rd floor thumped heavily up about a half
inch or so. Then several thumps, like a muffled hard knock. Mickey had really been
awake for about half an hour anyway, so this was a good excuse to wake up.
Mickey opened the trap door just as the person underneath pushed it open anyway.

Chief of Police Michael MacTyson looked grimly up at the still-kind-of-groggy Miss

Mickey. His head neatly framed by the floor and the door, MacTyson said, "Ms.
O'Peigh?"

Mickey: Uh huh.

MacTyson: I'm afraid I'm going to have to bring you in. There's a Missing Persons
bulletin out on you.

Mickey's heaven just crashed.

Chapter Six: My Sweet Embraceable You

By Amazon

J-Mart

Amazon perused the aisles in J-Mart concentrating on finding what she was looking for.
She was growing tired of the pink and red colors. They were everywhere. Pink and red
hearts. Pink and red candies. Pink and red flowers. Pink and red stuffed bears. Pink and
red streamers. Pink and red lingerie. All she just wanted was a Valentine card. Amazon
couldn't quite find one that she liked. Something that was, well, her.

"Attention, J-Mart shoppers, there's a red light special in aisle five. Buy twenty bags of
candies, get a penny off." A static-filled voice crackled overhead.

"How exciting," Amazon dryly muttered under her breath. Skimming through the stack of
cards in her hand, she wandered aimlessly around the corner of the aisle not paying
attention to where she was going. She failed to notice her on-coming collision into a
man's backside.

"Unngh!"

Startled, Amazon lost her grip on the cards and grew crimson red as she fumbled around
trying to catch what she could. The man scoffed.

"If you wanted to meet me that badly, all you had to do was say 'Hi'. No need to throw
yourself at me like a schoolgirl."

With her mouth gaping open, Amazon couldn't believe the man's blatant nerve. She hotly
sprang to her feet.

"Listen, just who the hell do you think yo . . . ", Amazon stopped short as she recognized
the man, "kevrhon. I should have known."
"Admit it. You want me. You know it. I know it. Bob Dole knows it."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. What-ever." Amazon acknowledged with a repressed grin.

Amazon bent down picking up the scattered Valentine cards. Of course, kevrhon just
watched her do all the work. He wasn't the one who caused the mess, was he? Within a
few seconds, Amazon cleaned up the whole thing and placed it back on the rack where
she found them.

"Well, what brings you to J-Mart on a Saturday? Thought you were on vacation."

"So did I," kevrhon muttered, "but Martial Bliss's a bit miffed at me right now something
about me leaving the pizza box on top of the trash can whatever that was about. I thought
maybe a new g-string would give her a change of heart."

"Your wife likes g-strings?"

"On yours truly."

"You've said enough. Really."

***

J'onn's Apartment

J'onn carried a kid's bicycle into his living room. The bike belonged to the kid down the
hall. The chain somehow came off and twisted itself tightly around the pedals. J'onn had
promised to fix it for the kid. Two months ago.

"Might as well get it over with now." J'onn mumbled to himself. He turned on the radio
and tuned it to WJST Smoothies FM Radio Station. A song was just beginning.

Embrace me, my sweet embraceable you

Embrace me, you irreplaceable you

J'onn tugged at the chain that seemed to be wielded stuck.

Just one look at you

My heart grew tipsy in you
You and you alone
Bring out the Gypsy in me

J'onn opened his toolbox and retrieved the screwdriver.

I love all, the many charms about you

Above all, I want my arms about you
Removing the screws off the bike, J'onn eased the rear tire off.

Don't you be a naughty baby

Come to papa, come to papa do

Wiping his forehead, he turned up the volume on the old, beat-up radio.

My sweet embraceable you . . .

"Awwwright, Dr. Looooooove's back! That song was by Frank Sinatra dedicated to J'onn,
with much love, from KC Suberman . . ."

The screwdriver clattered onto the floor.

Chapter Seven: Enter Team Jason

By Jason Borelli

J Street

Jason Borelli walked out of he Hallmark store. He had several Valentine's Day cards in a
bag for his mom and all his female friends on Staten Island.

As he was making his way to Grendel's (excuse me, Grendel's AND HACK'S; this would
take some getting used to), he saw a small boy with a diaper and a bow.

"Hello. Who are you?"

The cherub put an arrow into his bow.

"Umwhat are you doing?"

Cupid aimed the arrow at Jason's heart.

Oh geez

The arrow flew, ,making for a collision course.

SHIELD!

A green barrier sprung from Jason's ring. Yet, the arrow merely flew through it.

AWNO!

Jason tried to control the arrow, but the arrow seemed to have a will of its own.
One chance

The GL dived out of the way, as the arrow hit a nearby wall. Just then, JYu arrived.

"Are you OK?"

"Jwas that what I think that was?"

"Yeah. Cupid. He's been making the rounds."

"That arrowflew right through my shield! That isn't supposed to happen!"

"He must be the real deal. I'm trying to find others that haven't been nailed yet. You're the
first."

"Well, it kind of stinks to have feelings for somebody and they don't know you exist.
Jason do you need any help?"

"I believe so, GL."

The two shook hands and walked into G&H's to plan strategy.

Chapter Eight: Even cops get the blues

By Michael MacTyson (White Knight)

"Paperwork." Thought Michael MacTyson. "I hate paperwork!" he sighed as he

contemplated the mountain of forms and reports that had crowded his desk.

"Let's see" He held up a three inch long, one-and-a-half inch wide official looking report
"the Smurfs filled their reports on the Kingdom Come presentation. God! I wish I could
have deputized bigger individuals. Where is my loupe? Argh! those little blue $%&(#!)
took it." He tossed the papers aside.

"and there's the weapons discharge on Gargamel, rioting marmosets, damages to the
streets, the theater blew up three times, Regina's kidnapping" he arched his back as he
stretched himself. He took his pen and began filling and storing reports. He turned on the
radio.

As he worked, he paid little attention to the DJ.

"Laaaaadies and gentlemen! Whatchu dooing? 'tis the season to be loved! So reach for your beloved! And
the place to do it is right here on WJST Smoothies FM Radio Station. John, now, don+t be heated! That
song is just the way Casey Sue Bergman (say it out loud) professes her love to you! And now, this one's
specially for you Michael MacTyson"

"Huh?" grunted the distraught cop.

"Right as rain, copper! 'Summer Nights' from a very special female admirer going by
the name of Gina. She works at Frendel's Motel and sends you her undying love! (read
the Mystery Tour Digest for information) Cats! Get your mitts around your kittens and
away we go!"

"Now what is that all about?" he thought.

Chapter Nine: The Girl Who Stole My Heart

By AoAMimic
Hack's and Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

"Love Potion Number 9" was playing on the jukebox.

The doors swung open, and AoAMimic came staggering in, obviously tired, which was
surprising especially since it was four o' clock in the afternoon. "Give me um a Mountain
Dew please. Wait, on second thought, upgrade that to a Jolt Cola, I need some energy."
He glanced around the Bar and Grill, and found an eerie sight greeting his eyes.

"Uhmmm Chet, is there any reason why all the booths are full of couples, drinking
chocolate malts with two straws? And why is KC in the corner hugging a life-size cut-out
of J'onn? Don't tell me it's "

Chet grimaced as he slid the Jolt across the bar.

"Yep. Valentine's Day. It seems that Cupid has been making his rounds again this year.
Any reason why you need the Jolt? That's some dangerous stuff. The last guy I gave that
to still hasn't recovered." Chet pointed his thumb in the direction of the bathroom. Mimic
turned to see a big-headed blond kid walking around with his shirt over his head.

"I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! I NEED TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!" said the hyper
weird child, who began to hover over JYu.

"Get away from me you, freak"

"ARE YOU THREATENING ME?"

"What a psycho. Someone better warn him about JYu though, I don't think he'll like that "

With a KRAAASH! The Great Cornholio went through a table and knocked over some
chairs.

The Regular Hank grabbed Cornholio and tossed him out the door, leaving several of the
Pantheoners in the Grill cheering and clapping.
"Hm. Back to the point of the story Thanks for the drink Chet. I've got to get back to the
construction site though. Finally decided on what to do with some of that money. I'm
building a mansion here on J Street. I swear those guys are idiots, though. If I leave, they
don't do anything! What am I paying them for? Rassa-frassa union labor! Anyway, I hired
some new person to oversee the project, supposedly he's real tough and keep those guys
in line."

"Yeah, well good luck on the mansion-building. By the way, I saw a truck heading your
way with the words Beanbag World written on the side. Did you see that thing go by your
place?"

"Me? I haven't seen any beanbag truck. What a silly notion. Gotta go! See ya Chet!"

Site of the future Mimic Estate

Mimic stepped out of his cherry red Lamborgini and slipped quietly around the corner of
his property. He peered around the corner to see ALL OF THE WORKERS ACTUALLY
WORKING! The shock nearly gave him a heart attack. In the middle of the site stood
someone giving instructions, wearing a heavy coat and one of the ill-fitting construction
hats. This person pointed at different projects that needed to be done and seemed to have
the guys on the site under control. In fact they seemed almost hypnotized. Mimic walked
up behind the foreman.

Behind him, a flutter of wings and the sound of leather rubbing against wood.

Mimic tapped the foreman on the shoulder.

"Hey! This is a great job you're doing here Mac! What's your name?"

The fore-woman turned around and stared at him with large dark eyes.

"I'm Kelly Tom, you must be Mr. Mimic? Um, who's that guy behind you?"

"Wha?" Mimic spun and with a TWAANG! Cupid's arrow sunk deep in his heart. Not
that it made a difference. He turned and looked at the woman. She looked surprisingly a
lot like the fitness model, Kiana Tom. Naaah, he thought, they can't be related.

"So," he said as he smiled wryly, "are you free tonight?"

Chapter Ten: Oh, My Goddess!

By Dom

Meanwhile back at Minuteman:

Boredom was no longer a problem, with JYu able to escape the amorous advances of
Dom, the rest of the minutemen were scrambling to try to make things right as Dom
toiled in the Kitchen singing as she tried to Cook up JYu's Favorite Dish before he got
home

Cable 77 began: "We have to break this Spell! Dom can't go on like this! We need her to
be right of mind, not in love with JYu!"

Red Monster continued, " I know! Plus odds are if she keeps on trying to cook, she'll end
up burning this place down.

Both Minutemen walk to the kitchen. Cable grabbed a hold of Dom taking her attention
away from the stove to him.

"Oh Hi Cable! Did you came here to help me with JYu's dinner?" Grabbing spoon from
pot, " Here taste this, see if you like it."

Stepping away from the spoon and foul stench emanating from it, "Listen Dom, this is
not you! You are not In love with JYu, you're our Goddess. Moreover you couldn't cook
to save your life!"

Dom burst into tears and collapsed onto the counter, " You're right. My cooking could
never be good enough; heck I'm not even good enough."

While Dom was sobbing her heart out, both Minutemen were struggling to assess the
dilemma.

"Brightlady! Cable 77, what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything! Goddess, I've never seen Dom cry before in my life! This is bad,
really bad!"

Cable77 put his arm on Dom's Back, "There there Dom, It'll be okay I didn't mean that
you weren't good enough. I mean there are tons of things you can do"

Snapping her head up, "You're right! There are tons of things I need to do before the big
day!"

With a worried look on his face Red Monster asked. "What big day Dom?"

Dom responded happily, "Why JYu's and My wedding Day!"

Both Minutemen Looked frantically at each other.

Dom Continued, "First I have to make the guest List. Let's see.. I have to invite Scrapper,
WildCard
Upon hearing the Head goddesses' name Cable Started," Of course" Looking at Red
Monster again, " The solution probably lies with."

Then both Minutemen Yelled, " MOTHER ASKANI!"

Chapter Eleven: Strange Bedfellows

By kevrhon

A dejected kevrhon walked slowly out of J-mart. So slowly that he found himself
unceremoniously dumped on his keister when the sliding automatic door closed with him
in its path.

"Great. This is just great," he muttered to himself. "Who am I supposed to be, Charlie Brown?"
kevrhon asked aloud of no one in particular. "No one," unfortunately, had a bad habit of
not knowing who they were. So it was that kevrhon found himself sitting on the cold,
damp concrete outside the exit from J-mart in the middle of a crowd of apprehensive on-
lookers.

"What are you all looking at?" the ill-tempered servant of the Lords of Order snapped.
"You better hurry up. Didn't you see the sign? '50% discount today only for stupid
people.' You don't want to miss out on that!"

The crowd began to shuffle off into the store, murmuring and whispering among
themselves, some shaking their heads, some shaking their fists. kevrhon didn't seem to
notice as he picked himself up and made a futile attempt at drying off his wet seat with
the back of his hand.

So Mari was mad, Amazon wasn't charmed, what's a lonely boy to do?

***

"Chet, I'm off the wagon. Set me up with some Cuervo Gold, a salt shaker, and a bowl of
lime wedges."

"kev, you were never really on the wagon," Chet reminded the man on the bar stool.

"Shhhh. Mari thinks I am."

"Martial Bliss is smarter than that. Smarter than you anyway."

"What's with the attitude? Just take my money and give me my bottle. It's a simple
transaction. You don't need to get all 'Mari's smarter than you' on me," kevrhon protested.

Chet turned to reach for the bottle. kevrhon played with the salt shaker and the lime
wedges. He placed one in his mouth and pressed the pulpy side against his teeth. He was
smiling green smiles at his reflection in the mirror over the bar, when he suddenly
became aware of the youngish looking figure seated next to him.

kevrhon smiled a green smile at the chubby kid in the diaper.

"Yeesh. If ever a situation called for my remedy. Youarepathetic," the little guy
pronounced.

"Ymmph? Wmmph mm woulbbmm't taammmk, shrrtty."

The diaper clad youngster produced a bow and arrow in that cartoon character way that
doesn't require the object to actually be present before it's needed. kevrhon had turned
away to make more green smiles at the mirror. The mirror was bordered by photos and
clippings of various members of the Pantheon, the Minutemen, the JLAshland and other
sundry hero-types. kevrhon had his gaze fixed on one of these when the arrow found its
mark.

"MmmmmJestermmmmm."

Chapter Twelve: A Funny Valentine for J'onn

By Amazon

J'onn's Apartment

My funny Valentine
Sweet comic Valentine
You make me smile with my heart

J'onn pulled the pillow over his ears.

Your looks are laughable

Unphotographable
Yet you're my favorite work of art

This was the third day in a row.

Is your figure less than Greek

Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

He was going to have to do something drastic soon.

But don't change a hair for me

Not if you care for me
Stay little Valentine stay
Each day is Valentine's day

He reached for the telephone.

Is your figure less than Greek

Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

A number was dialed and began to ring.

But don't you change one hair for me

Not if you care for me
Stay little Valentine stay
Each day is Valentine's day . . .

"Hello? I would like to speak to KC Suberman now."

Chapter Thirteen: Now LOVE May Not Last

By Joe Grendel
Hack and Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

Chet slapped kevrhon's hand.

"Stay AWAY from the photographs! I don't want to think about what Grendel will do to
me if he catches you screwing with the photos!"

"But Jester is so dreeeeeeeamy!"

The door behind the bar opened and two figures emerged.

Dressed only in a tattered black negligee, hellgirl sailed over to the jukebox, kicking it
until the song currently on it stopped. Then she put on a romantic little number by Slayer
and waltzed back across the room to the bar. The patrons watched, gaping.

Grendel, a yellow terrycloth robe mostly closed over him (a pair of Hot Stuff boxers
ensured this chapter would pass the Comics Code Authority), rummaged around in the
cooler beneath the bar.

"OzBat, we got any Gatorade?" He pulled his head out, smiling at the imp. "Isn't it a
beautiful day?" He returned to the cooler.

OzBat dived for the bible the bar kept for emergencies (they've had to deal with more
than one case of demonic possession) and began thumbing through it.
"Grendel just smiled. I'm SURE that's one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse!"

***

Obligatory interlude.

The Image Universe.

Hell's Gate Penitentiary.

"I don't want any more damn screw-ups!" Warden Holbrook sank it a seat in the security
office. "The Helmut break-out is all over the media, and all our jobs are on the line."

"Not to worry, sir " the guard's voice trailed off as a claxon began to ring. "Uh, this
doesn't make any sense."

Holbrook leaned over his shoulder.

"What? Where's the security breach?"

"The morgue. Someone's " he moved his mouse to highlight the morgue status list
"Someone's stolen Joe 'The Incubus' Grendel's body "

Needless to say, to be continued another day

***

Meanwhile, back at the bar:

Hack rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't know what to think.

"I tell ya, Grendel, I don't know what to think." He stifled the urge to grin. "I just never
pictured you in skin-tight leather."

kevrhon raised an eyebrow.

"You're in better shape than I thought."

Grendel grinned again, sending chills down OzBat's tiny spine. The bartender hooked an
arm around the equally leather-clad hellgirl's waist and pulled her close, groin to groin.
He leered over her shoulder.

"Lots of aerobics, kevrhon mah boy!"

hellgirl playfully bit Grendel's neck, applying pressure with two fingers to stop the
bleeding.
"C'mon, honey, let's go."

"Oh, yeah, we'll be back in a while."

OzBat, looking a little green around the gills, nodded to Hank.

"You ask him, I haven't the strength."

The Regular Hank shrugged and turned to his boss.

"Where ya goin'?"

hellgirl hugged Grendel, causing a rib to audibly crack.

"We're heading down to the tattoo parlor," she led him by the hand to her Harley, parked
right outside, "We're getting each other's names tattooed on us!"

"I just hope it won't be in any place we have to look at it," OzBat muttered.

Chapter Fourteen: All Things Fair

By hellgirl

The J Street Soda Fountain on the edge of Busiek Park

The sun was a warm, pleasant patch across Hat's shoulders, the heat soaking into the
muscles of his back, knotted and tense from years of heavy responsibility. He stretched
his back, rolling his shoulders, enjoying the release of tension. It was a perfect day.

He slurped at his Frostee Treet.

Across the picnic table, taking up every bit of the bench, was the Mighty Hank!, his best
friend (and possibly sidekick?). A loyal friend, a decent friend. Exactly the kind of friend
you'd want to spend a day like this with. Hank was working on a bag of cheeseburgers
and a cardboard drink tray full of Frostee Treets. Hat watched him eat, amazed at his
appetite.

"Hank," he said, "this was a great idea."

"What was?"

Hatman did not reply at first. He was watching dust motes sunning themselves in the
warm light.

"This," he said at last. "Bringing me here, on a day like this, away from the cold and wet,
where I can enjoy a Frostee Treet and not be one."
Hank put down his cheeseburger.

"I came here because I was hungry. I think better when I eat."

"You've spent time in Niflheimyou probably don't even notice the cold. But I forget,
sometimes, that there's a J Street in Toronto, too, and J Street doesn't have to be cold." He
slurped his Frostee Treet again. "What a splendid, splendid idea."

The Mighty Hank! furrowed his Mighty Brow*.

"Thank you, friend Hat, but methinks you are too kind. T'was not my design to bring thee
here for that"

But Hat wasn't listening. His keen eyes, ever watchful, had noticed a shady-looking
character stalking one of the young mothers pushing a stroller through the park. His
muscles tensed ever so slightly, his brow itched the teensiest bit right at his hatband.

"Actually," continued the Mighty Hank! awkwardly, "There's something I wanted to ask
you"

"Mmm?" Hatman snapped his wrist and his fedora whipped across the park, striking the
babysnatcher just as he was about to pounce on the oblivious mother and her child. The
fiend sprawled on his back, out cold. Another evil thwarted by the heroic, ever-vigilant
Hatman. And on his day off, too.

"I wasyou know, 'tis passing strange, but there are few midgets in Asgaard."

"Oh? Why is that?" Hat snapped his fingers and the fedora returned to his head.

"Well, they mostly stick to Alfheim. Or underground, I suppose," replied Hank. "We tend
to laugh at them when they visit us."

"That's not very nice."

Hank shrugged his massive shoulders.

"'Tis ever the way of things. They are a Silly People."

"Well, what about them?"

"Well, it being so strange to see one, 'twas most strange to see one garbed as this one
was."

"You saw a dwarf in a costume?"

"A diaper is not proper garment for a warrior."

"No, not at all." Hat wasn't sure where this was going, but it sounded very strange.

"And he was most rude! He shot me with an arrow, then vanished before I couldst land a
blow on his head."

Even stranger than most of Hank's stories.

"Not very sporting," said Hat. "So is that it? You want me to help you track down Green
Arrow?"

"No, this is much more important." Hank took a Mighty Breath. "I, the Mighty Hank!, am
in love!"

"What?"

Hank blushed mightily.

"I came to tell you of my battle. But on the way something even more wondrous
happened. Now my news is of love, not war!"

"Hank, that's great! Who's the lucky girl?" asked Hat, happy for his friend.

"Hat, you know her well." The Mighty Hank! beamed. "'Tis gail!"

"WHAT!?"
Chapter Fifteen: Busted!
By Mope

The J Street Jail and Fitness Resort

MacTyson: You know why you're here.

Mickey: Yeah, I suppose I do but is it really that big of a deal? I mean I know you're a
cop but

MacTyson: Yeah, I'm a cop. I'm a GOOD COP! I'm a DAMN GOOD COP! (sorry, this is
a Kramer line from Seinfeld I've been wanting to put in MacTyson's mouth for a while)
(MacTyson exclaims)

Mickey: Can't you just tell my parents back in the DCU that I'm okay.
MacTyson: You tell them. (MacTyson opens the interrogation room door. In step a man
and a woman in StarLabs uniforms.)

Mother O'Peigh: Mickey. It's so nice to see you again (hugs Mickey and kisses her on the
cheek.)

Father O'Peigh: You could have told us. We would have understood. We could have
helped you come here.

Mother O'Peigh: We could have even come along and helped you out. You don't have to
live in an abandoned building! We could have gotten a room at the J. Street Days Inn!

Mickey: NO. You see, that's just the problem. You think parenting me is like running
some experiment in that lab of yours. Well, it's not. (looks to her dad.) You always told
me that someday if I wanted to carry on the Mope hero lineage, I could do it. Well, I
have.

MacTyson, and the Parents O'Peigh all look a little surprised.

Father O'Peigh: What do you mean?

Mickey: Take me outside and I'll show you.

The parents O'Peigh look to MacTyson for approval to let Mickey out of the jail.

***

Outside.

Captain Pantheon stands outside the J. Street Jail, cape flapping snappily in the brisk
winter air.

Mother O'Peigh: Oh my.

MacTyson: Hmmmm. I thought something was odd about this guy.

Father O'Peigh: (from underneath a brimming smile): Umm wow.

Captain Pantheon: M.O.P.E!

(Far above J. Street, two clouds rub together. Bits of static electricity bond together,
forming a dazzling form of lightning. If one could examine the bolt, they might just see a
smile shimmering through on one side of it. After a slight jerk as the Lightning Bolt
materializes, it zooms down to the sidewalk outside the jail and zaps Captain Pantheon.)

The cape disappears to be replaced by Mickey's winter coat.

Father O'Peigh: We'll have to talk about this. Maybe we can work something out.

(Mother O'Peigh looks at Father slightly frowningly)

MacTyson and the three O'Peighs return inside to talk about things.

***

A foreshadowing.

The Evil Pantheon Universe

The Black Hat's Cave

A large green form descends into the Hat-Cave. Bits of swirly proto-junk can be seen
swirling about him as he transforms into a more human appearance, and then swirls back
into a disturbing manifestation of his Martian origins.

J'onn: Hat. HATTT!!!!

A fedora tilts. A chair swivels. The Black Hat acknowledges J'onn presence.

Black Hat: I told you not to come here. You don't want me to remember where that
flamethrower of mine is, do you?

The green tendrils around J'onn twinge and pulse. J'onn's brow burrows with displeasure.

J'onn: Do that and you'll eliminate yet another that would be your accomplice. You have
bigger problems.

Black Hat: Yes. Das Capitan. I can deal with him.

Chapter Sixteen: And When He Awoke

By Joe Grendel
Hack's and Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

"Hank!" Hack shook one Regular shoulder roughly. "Wake up!"

Hank sat up, a cable of drool connecting his lower lip to the tabletop on which he had
been sleeping.

"Huh? Whuzzup?"
"You were sleeping on the job!" Hack smoothed his apron roughly and stalked back over
to the bar. "Just because Grendel's not here, that doesn't mean you can slack off."

Chet leaned over to OzBat.

"He was talking in his sleep, but he sounded funny."

The imp kept polishing a glassy, eyeing the amnesiac the Regular Hank!

"That was Thorspeak and he was talking to Hatman." He scratched his once-again-
whiskerless-chin. "I wonder "

Chapter Seventeen: 666 Thunders Cried

By hellgirl
Hack's and Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

"What are you looking at me for? I'm awake!" said the Regular Hank.

OzBat shrugged and started putting glassware back in the cabinets. There'd been an awful
lot of breakage lately - he'd have to bring up another box from the back room.

Hank resumed skulking about the room. So he'd taken a nap! So what? There was nothing
for him to do! That weird Cornholio kid hadn't come back, and the only patrons in the bar
were all staring fixedly into each other's eyes. No fights, no hair-pulling, no name-
callingit was quiet as a tomb. Man, was he bored. He'd give anything for someone to start
some trouble.

And what was it he had been dreaming about? It had been very strange, whatever it was.
He seemed to remember something about getting married

OzBat kept an eye on Hank as he settled his Regular frame down near the jukebox. The
imp was suspicious. There'd been some funny goings-on lately. Grendel had pranced in
and out a few times, grinning like a fool (OzBat shuddered involuntarily); kevrhon had
been sent home, still rambling on about the Jester or something or other; and now Hank
was dozing off on the job and talking in his sleep. And why had he kept mentioning gail's
name?

"Chet," he said, checking one of the beer taps and finding it nearly full. "Things have
been a little strange lately, don'tcha think?"

"Well, no one seems to be ordering beer, just wine and milkshakes. That's pretty strange.
At least Grendel seems to have quieted down, though."
The imp glanced at the ceiling warily. "Thank goodness. Do people without souls have to
sleep?"

Chet frowned, perplexed. "I've never thought about it."

"That Cupid's up to something. I'm sure of it."

"Ah," put in Hack from the other end of the bar. "It's just love. It's harmless! Sooner or
later things will go back to normal and we can stop serving these danged milkshakes."

"I wonder" If OzBat knew anything about anything, he knew about imps and their
numerous siblings, cousins, in-laws and other relatives. There was something
uncharacteristically methodical about Cupid's shenanigans this time around.

Just then there was an unholy explosion of cacophony from up above. Hank leapt to his
feet, ready for action; Chet, Hack, and OzBat dove for cover. All of the freshly washed
glasses OzBat had been putting away smashed to the floor. There was a horrible
caterwauling from upstairs.

"Sheesh, that's enough to raise the dead!" muttered Hack. "This is bound to be bad for
business."

"Wrong holiday," pointed out Chet helpfully.

"Speaking of the dead, notice that none of our customers are reacting at all," said OzBat.
And indeed, the couples who filled most of the bar were maintaining their fixed, glassy
stares at each other, occasionally murmuring sweet nothings that were now inaudible over
the din.

"This is getting weirder and weirder," said Hack.

The door to the back exploded outward in a shower of splintered, smoldering wood.
Hellgirl charged through, clad only in a black sheet, smoke and fire swirling around her.
Grendel followed immediately.

"Aw, Hell, honey, don't be like this," pleaded Grendel.

OzBat and the others stared, wide-eyed.

"DON'T tell me what to do!" snarled the demoness.

"Baby, Hell, pleeaaasedon't leave now! I thought you said we were forever!" OzBat
couldn't decide whether to be amused or horrified by Grendel's state of distress. There
was something very disturbing about this
"It was a figure of speech! Forever is a long time when you don't have a soul!" Hellgirl
adjusted her sheet. "Now STOP FOLLOWING ME!"

She marched toward the door to the street, noticed OzBat, Hank, Hack and Chet staring
wide-eyed.

"What are YOU looking at!?"

They ducked behind the bar. Hellgirl strode out into J Street.

Grendel stopped in the doorway, staring after her departing figure.

"First tiff?" ventured OzBat.

"Ah, she'll be back." Grendel turned and went back upstairs. But there was a distinct
absence of bounce in his step.

OzBat looked at the others. "Something has to be done about this."

"Maybe we should get him liquored up," suggested Hack.

Chapter Eighteen: Love, Minuteman Style

By Dom

Flashing back to the dilemma of the Love sick Goddess and the Minutemen.

Because of the fact that The minutemen are so new to J Street, not much is really known
about them. One particular secret is that their leader, Dom, is in reality one of the many
sequential art Goddesses that exist in the adjacent dimension that was once next to
Minuteman. Minuteman was once not only Dom's second home, but it was also home to
other sequential art Goddesses which now live in a pocket dimension whose only
gateway is located at the Sub Basement of Minuteman Comics on J street. Currently two
Minutemen, Cable77 and Red Monster are there in the Sub Basement debating on who
should go seek the help of the Head Goddess, the Mother Askani in order to cure their
Leader Dom, of her Cupid induced passion for Former Minuteman, JYu.

With a worried look on his face, Red Monster starts: "Listen Cable 77, I dunno if this is
such a good idea. No Minuteman has ever dared tried to speak to the Mother Askani, let
alone try and enter their new Home. What if she wiggs out? You know how she gets when
she's angry? Goddess, she might even blame us"

Interrupted Cable77: "But this the only choice we have! We have to seek her out! She's
the only one with the power to cure Dom! You do want Dom cured don't you?"

"Yeah"
"Well Red, knock on the door!"

After hesitating a bit, Red Monster very lightly rapped on the door. It flew open and
bright light emanated from it blinding both Minutemen.

Then a sweet voice started, "Hello? Can I help you?"

Once Both Minutemen were able to make out the figure they both were relieved to
discover the lovely figure of WildCard, The goddess of Fortune.

Cable started, "Thank the maker! WildCard, you have to get the Mother Askani,
Something's wrong with Dom! There has been a Hex put over her, She's in love with JYu!

WildCard answered, "You silly Minuteman, Goddesses can't fall in love. Our one purpose
in life is to serve people, we don't have the proper emotions instilled in us to fall in love.
Don't worry, even if it is a spell, Dom is powerful enough to get over it in a few hours!
Just keep an eye on her! Bye!"

Then just as WildCard was going to close the Door on the Minutemen, Red monster had a
flash though,

"Wait!" She held the door open, "Can you at least use your powers to see into Dom's
future just to make sure."

Hesitantly WildCard said, "Okay come in, excuse the mess, we are still getting settled."

WildCard like all the goddesses has a unique ability, hers is to be able to flash into three
distinct parts of a person's future. With a quick wave of her hand. Three little glowing
balls appeared in front of the Minutemen and WildCard, The first one exploded and
automatically an image materialized of Dom and JYu's wedding in front of the Pantheon.

Shocked Cable began, " Oh no, not the Pantheon!"

The Second Orb exploded and the image of Dom caring a bloody knife standing over the
bodies over dead Minutemen

Red Monster horrified pointed, "Look. there's my *gulp* Body"

The third orb exploded and all you could see is Dom's lifeless body and with a smoking
gun barely clutched in her limp hand.

Stepping back, WildCard gasped, "Almighty"

Then she started screaming, "That can't happen, she's not programmed to kill! Her caste
is that of Workers, not Warriors! She doesn't posess the proper emotions to do such acts!
While Red Monster was still in shock from viewing her own eminent death, Cable77 was
still all business, "Please, Milady calm down now you see why we need the Mother
Askani's help! This is far more than a simple case of Puppy Love. Now please, can you
summon the Bright lady so we can prevent this massacre."

Finally gaining her composure WildCard complied to Cable's reply and vanished in a puff
of Gray smoke. It was only seconds later that with the huge bang of Flash and Flame,
before them stood, the head goddess, the bright lady, The Mother Askani. Clad in robes of
Gold and Red, her hair the color of the fire both Minutemen came to realize exactly why
she was called, the Goddess of Flames

Chapter Nineteen: Birds Do It, Bees Do It

By Joe Grendel
Hack and Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

"So Fine," by Guns N Roses, was playing on the jukebox.

Yet another unholy yowl ripped through the room, followed by a recognizably human
shriek of horror.

Emerald Void hopped into the room, swiping his apron at Lucky, who was wrapped
around the cook's ankle.

"Someone get this crazy lovesick cat off my ankle!"

"Just wait a few minutes and he'll leave," Hank offered, unhelpfully.

"I mean it!" Emerald Void looked around wildly. "The little S.O.B. still has his claws. Not
to mention what he's doing to my pants! AAARGH! Hand me a knife!"

OzBat *bamf*ed away with all the sharp implements.

"Ah-ah-ah! I don't think the boss would appreciate you killing his cat, EV!"

"Why does everyone call Grendel the boss?" Hack groused quietly.

OzBat ignored him, smiling sweetly.

"I supposed, EV, that this means you'll help me figure out what's going on around here?"

Chapter Twenty: Someone's Got A Crush!

By The Jester
Joe Rice, sans costume still, walked into the Pond. Grendel complimented his shirt while
rushing upstairs. The young Jester, after making sure Emerald Void wasn't on duty in the
kitchen, ordered a nice, juicy burger with onions, chili, and tobasco sauce, a Hawaiian
Punch, and some strawberry shortcake. Oz served him and asked if there would be
anything else.

"No. Yes. No. Yes. Well . . .um, you know Mope's niece, Mickey?"

"Uh, yeah. Cute little kid. Why?"

"I don't know. She' sweet. It's just nice to see someone more in my age bracket here, even
if she is five years younger. She is cute. Really cute. Don't think she cares much for me,
though. I can come off as a real ass sometimes."

"Really?" OzBat was humoring him. "I've never thought that. You're just . . .unique. Wait!
You haven't seen some cherub in diapers with a bow, have you?"

"No. Why? Oh, wait! You think I like her? I mean *like* like her? No, no, no, no, no, no!
Not at all! Really! Why would you think that?" OzBat arched a brow. "OK, I sorta do. Is
it that obvious? Geez. Don't worry, it's not a cupid thing, though."

"Well, you ought to ask her out."

"Naw. That wouldn't work. There's the age thing. And I'm sure she doesn't want to be
around super heroes, after what happened to her uncle."

"Um, she could really surprise you there, Jess."

"Oh, I dunno. Maybe. I'd love to, sure . . .but I wouldn't want to hurt her or screw
something up."

"I'd say she's a little harder to hurt than you might think."

Chapter Twenty-One:
Making Love Out of Nothing At All
By kevrhon

kevrhon, oblivious to his surroundings as usualwellkevrhon pranced into the bar, looking
like nothing so much as Elton John's and Liberace's love child.

A disembodied voice filled the bar, as if any more attention needed to be brought to the
spectacle. "kevrhon is wearing a chartreuse satin peignoir open from top to bottom.
Beneath is a coordinating cyan midriff length tank top and matching leggings. Breaking
the line is a gold sequined g-string accented with a 14K gold chain. Hey kev, is that your
magic wand or are you happy to be here? Completing the ensemble are a gold velvet
beret, a matching clutch, a royal blue feather boa, and a pair of sensible shoes. Back to
you, Johnny."

And yet, through all the glitz and glamour of it all, not a head so much as turned.
Everyone in the bar was far too engrossed in each other to take notice of the grand
entrance of the smitten Lord of Order and erstwhile Dr. Fate.

kevrhon sidled up to Joe as he sat eating his burger, and in a voice that sounded like a
nightclub chanteuse gargling whiskey, began to sing, "I'm in the mood for love, simply
because you're near me. Something something something hmmm hummm, I'm in the
mood for love"

Joe's eyes grew wide, and he blinked a long, slow deliberate blink; the immobilized
equivalent of pinching himself. He refused to look, to speak, to breath. kevrhon continued
to serenade the civilian attired Jester, humming most of the words, and began to run his
fingers through the hair of the object of his affection.

Jester held the bite of burger in his mouth, to keep from screaming. His eyes continued to
grow wider with each passing second. He had the panicked look of a man trapped
beneath the water, fighting his bodies natural impulse to inhale. Nothing, nothing in his
life, in his career, had ever prepared him forthis.

His assailant stopped, then sat down at the table. "Yeeew, onions." Reaching into his
back, kevrhon produced a tiny clear plastic box. "Tic Tac?" he offered.

Joe finally managed to swallow the food in his mouth with an audible *gulp*. Still the
words wouldn't come. He shook his head, slowly, then vigorously, trying to deny what
was transpiring.

"Joe? You haven't told me what you think of my outfit." kevrhon stood and did a quick
twirl. Joe pulled back to avoid the gold chain flying out fromfromat eye level. "Isn't it
divine?"

"Ummmmit's verykevrhon, are younice. It's very nice." The last thing Joe Rice needed
was an angry Lord of Order at his table.

kevrhon leaned over and whispered in Joe's ear, "We are going to have such fun together
you and I. I'm going to make you squeal 'HOOTCHIE MAMA!'"

Joe prayed to God that he wouldn't.

Chapter Twenty-Two:
The Hero That Wore A Heart On A Sleeve
By redRicky
On a little corner of Grendel & Hack's basement, lies a small box containing a few and
mostly forgotten trinkets. Among the contents of the box are a pool stick, a video tape
and a couple of old pictures.

Hovering through the boxes are two of the most beloved and familiar of gents.

"Umm, Normie? I think we've depleted Grendel's reserves."

"Keep looking Cliff, otherwise we'll have to go upstairs and explain were we've been for
the past 4 months!"

"Ehhh, Normie. Grendel had some good stuff hidden here! Right??"

"Yeah, some of the stuff was a couple of centuries old. Keep looking, maybe there's some
stuff still. Check out that box over there!"

Suddenly, the door opened to reveal the silhouette of a man. The light behind the man
slightly blinded both Norm and Cliff.

"Is someone down there?" asked Chet "This is a restricted area."

"Sssssshhhh" said Norm. "Quick, Cliff pretend you are ..aaaa..bunny, like the one Hatman
has!"

"What's up, doc?" replied Cliff

Now, Cliffie is not that bright of a person; he knows how to moo like a cow or purr like a
cat. But what kind of sound does a bunny really make?

"Nice going Einstein! 'What's up doc,' is the best you can do???"

"Norm? Cliff? What are you doing?

"We were ummmm picking up yeah! picking up some old stuff of ours that Grendel had
stored down here."

"Yeah, that's it" replied Cliff.

"Oooooohhhhhh rreeeeaaaaaalllllllllly. What is it?"

Norm quickly opened the box and after glancing over the photographs responded
"Mementos! from the redRicky days!"

"Who is redRicky?" asked Chet

"Well, redRicky is one of the original heroes who showed up around here." "Before your
time!" added Cliff.

"Never heard of him," responded Chet "Was he popular?"

"Was he popular?" replied Norm

"Was he popular?" asked Cliffie while turning towards Norm.

"Was he popular?" shrugged Norm "No of course not.. but that's not important."

Chet ripped the box away from Norm and went on to examine the contents all ready
convinced that said hero never existed. To his surprised, he recoginized the costume from
one of Grendel's pictures upstairs.

"So this is the guy. Wow, the hero that time forgot!"

Norm and Cliffie looked at each other, almost smelling a clean getaway.

"See" added Norm "He even won the pool tournament"

" and he could drink like it was no ones business!"

"So this is the guy that won the pool tournament. I thought he was a myth! I mean, no one
has ever seen him!"

"Ooohhh Nnnooooo, he was real all right!" "See this video tape, he even appeared in"

"Love Connection" interupted Cliffie

"Really?, lets have a look"

"We can't, its BETA" "Grendel was a bit cheap in the old days!"

"No problem," stated Chet "The old Beta-Max is right here!"

"Sure, why not, Normie. Lets watch it again, for old times sake!"

After a small rescue mission, the guys found the stuff they needed to get confortable. A
tv, the Beta-Max and a couple of beers.

***

"We are back!"

"Our next contestant is a Superhero. He enjoys working out, staying up late, and kinky
stuff!"
The crowd cheers! "Lets give a warm welcome to the redRicky!"

More applause. "So, Ricky .'kinky stuff'?"

"Well Chuck, in my line of work you get to meet ladies all dressed in leather and
chiuauas and sometimes one thing leads to another and" Ricky rolls his eyes and smiles.

"I guess." whispered Chuck

Chuck looked to the audience and shruged as if saying.. "This guy is nuts!"

"Well audience, Ricky looked at some tapes and here is what he saw

First, he saw gail! She is an exceptional woman And here's what she had to say about
appearing on Love Connection!"

"RICKY, YOU BASTARD! THE ONLY REASON I'M HERE IS THAT I LOST A BET
WITH REGINA. YOU PICK ME AND I SWEAR I'LL CUT YOUR BALLS OFF YOU
MOTHER [beep]"

"ooopppss, we had to edit that part out Quite popular with the girls, huh, Rick?"

"Very funny Chuck."

"The next contestant is Power Girl! She has an impressive set of lungs and she told us
about her chest and Superheroism"

".they never seem to get in the way. In fact, they appear to have developed hypnotic
powers! Usually the bad guys surrender before I get a chance to really hurt them. Funny
thing is, after they surrender, they still want me to body slam them, some even beg for me
to sit on top of them!"

The crowd roars!

"Wow! Quite a woman Rick!"

"Yeah!"

"Our final contestant has appeared in many tv comercials, enjoys old movies, romantic
walks on the beach and is redRicky's number one fan! Lets hear it for

FABIO!"

".the redRicky is my favorite hero in the world. Fabio wants to put him on a pedestal, and
massage him and feel his glistering muscles after a long and hard work out."
"BWAH-AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH sorry Rick, he really wants you!"

A very annoyed Ricky looks at Chuck "Shouldn't we go to a commercial break or

something"

"But first, our studio audience will vote on who they'd want to see get a date with you"

"1 2 3 2 2 1 3 2 1 3 2 3 2 1 3 1 3 1 3 1 2 3 1 3 2 1 3 1 2 1 3 1 2 1 2 3 2 1 1 3 1 3 2 2 1 3 2
213211332331213132213123221321323213131312313213
121312123211313221322132113323312131322131232213
213232131313123132131213121232113132213221321133
233121313221312322132132321313131231321312131212
3 2 1 1 3 1 3 2 2 1 3 2 2 1 3 1 3" screamed the audience.

".when we come back, Ricky is going to tell us who he chose and we'll get to hear
everything that happened. in two and two!"

***

"We are back and Ricky is going to tell us who he chose."

"I chose Power Girl, Chuck"

"Big surprise there, were you hypnotized into it?" Chuck said sarcastically.

Audience laughs

"Well, She is right here! Audience, please say hello to Power Girl!"

"Hi Chuck, hi Ricky!"

"Hi Kara!"

"So tell me Power Girl, how was your date?"

"Well, Chuck, he called me to ask me if he could take me to dinner and from the moment
he opened his mouth, I thought he was a geek!"

"UUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFf," said the audience.

"Well, Chuck, the thing is . She was cold and I wanted to make her laugh"

"Understandable Right, Power Girl?"

"Chuck, he gave me a headache!"

"Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh," responded the crowd.

Chuck turned to face ricky, "this doesn't have a happy ending, ahh Rick?"

"Not even close Chuck" sigh the redRicky.

"So what happened?"

"We agreed he would pick me up around eight, and he showed up at NINE!"

"rrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiicccckkkyyy!"

" I said around!"

"And then what?"

"When he showed up, I was almost ready. He asked if he could use the bathroom and I
agreed."

"And?"

"She ripped the door from its hinges!"

"YOU WERE IN FOR MORE THAN 15 MINUTES!"

"SHE RIPPED THE DOOR FROM ITS HINGES CHUCK!"

"Chuck, I didn't want him going through my stuff!"

"I wasn't going through your stuff"

"What WERE you doing?"

"I was making sure my hair looked O.K."

"You have three fragging hairs! You were staring at a mirror for 30 minutes! ARE YOU
MENTAL?"

"Anyway Chuck, she looked stunning!"

"Power Girl?" asked Chuck.

"I guess he looked cute too."

"So how was your dinner?"

"Well Chuck, we went to this French Restaurant and"

"They had the heater on, I mean it was ON." interrupted Power Girl.

"Oohhh please, I beg you, don't do it!" cried Ricky

"What??" questioned Chuck.

"The thing is, we started sweating, everybody was! And Ricky's forhead starts to turn
black."

"Kara, don't!"

"CHUCK, HE HAD SPRAY ON HAIR! BWAH-AHAHAHAHHHAHAHA!"

"Jesus Christ, Kara, don't do that to me!"

By this point, the audience was laughing its butt off.

"so how did it end?"

"Well, he asked if he could lick my plate when I was done eating!"

"That was a joke!"

"Actually, what was a joke was your car! The damn thing broke down and I had to fly
you home!"

"heh heh, that was on purpose I got carried home by Power Girl, now I can die a happy
man!"

"Wow, quite a date," interrupted Chuck. "We are almost out of time, lets see who the
audience chose"

"They chose Power Girl.65% .. If you want to, you can go out again and we'll pay for it,
if you don't. then you are on your own!"

"Hmmm, Kara? Would you like to go out with me again?"

"Ricky.. I have to wash my hair!"

***

"What a character that Ricky" said Cliff

"Yeah" added Norm

"What ever happened to him?" asked Chet

"He disapeared one day. Left a message though, in the bathroom mirror," answered Cliff

"He is out there" added Norm

"What did the message say?"

"We took a picture, here."

"Weird huh?"

"Well, I better get upstairs, Oz was about to get heavy on some dude!" concluded Chet.

"And guys, if you see a midget that looks like Elmer Fudd RUN, or you'll end up being
more than friends!"

Chet smiled and left. Norm and Cliff followed behind.

***

In the basement, a photograph lies next to some boxes. It shows a mirror that reads..

"For a couple of years now, people don't play for playing's sake.
I traded leather wings for a jacket that didn't flap.
And I, that waited for adulthood so that I could cross the street.
And discover this new world of Skyscrapers,
Where there are heroes on the ceilings and stars on the sunrise.
Hearing anecdotes from other heroes, that came before me, just like me.
All I need is the chance to show you what I'm made of,
I'm the guy who is going uphill, who is on the prowl.
Maybe one day they'll figure out what really matters,
Maybe what really matters in life doesn't have to do with what
I'm searching for, with what I dream of.
But I need something,
I have to believe in something,
Maybe my dreams are worth nothing, maybe they are something
I came up with, like a guide or a map or an excuse to promote.
Dreaming has a way of lying to us,
About tomorrow being some what better than today,
Cursing what we've been given,
Just to know what is like on the other side, and hear them applaud that audacity they
criticized the first time.
Maybe I'm egocentric, but I'm not malicious.
If this didn't mean anything there wouldn't be a redRicky, there wouldn't be hope.
All I need is the chance to show you what I'm made of, maybe its not the same intensity,
but I'll continue doing my thing.
I already passed the point of no return and I'm not coming back"

Chapter Twenty-three: Whaddyou Mean, "His?"

By Red Monster

Back at Minuteman

Red: That's not my body, that's some man's body!

Cable77: Yes, that's some man's body, Red, it's your body!

Red: Oh, geez, what have I been doing in these grungy men's clothes all this time, I look
like Marlon Brando! I need to go wash my hair.

Cable77: There's no time for that, Red, my man, we've gotta do something about Dom!

Red: Stop calling me "man"! I'm a 16-year-old girl, no matter what anyone tells you! Just
ask Joe Grendel, or TSRob. How come all you Minutemen think I'm a man.

Cable77: Well, what girl in her right mind would call herself the "Monster"?

Red: This one! Excuse me for not making a big deal out of my femininity, but I am a girl
underneath this hideous drag and androgynous handle.

Cable77: Show me.

Red: You don't want me to show you.

Cable77: It's the only way I'll ever believe you.

Red: Fine then. But I'm warning you.

Red Monster knelt down to her lifeless, drag-dressed body and opened up the dirty
flannel shirt it had on, as Cable77's eyes grew wide in disbelief. Then she took off the
baseball cap from her body's head to reveal a silky fall of shiny red hair. It was almost
too much for Cable77 to bear.

Red: Now, come on, Cable77, we hafta do something about Dom!

Cable77: Guhhh
Red: This is no time to drool all over my body! Geez, you must be some kind of pervert,
drooling on some dead body that wasn't all that great when it was alive. Geez, I can get a
new body, maybe then all you Minutemen will be able to figure out that I'm female
without having to tell you!

Cable77: You go on, uh, Red. I'll stay here and guard your body. We may be able to use it.

Red: Horniness at first sight is gross. Cupid, could you spear him on someone else so
he'll stop ogling what used to be me?

Cable77: I swear, it's just quick hormones, it'll pass like gas! Ahh, there it goes. Sorry,
Red, I just was kind of shocked to hear you're a girl after all of us letting on that you're a
dude. But I'm all better now.

Red: Good. Now we can go on to more pressing matters. Like me lying there dead and
Dom lusting after JYu!

Chapter Twenty-Four: What's Love Got To Do With It?

By Impulse

Impulse was sitting in his J Street apartment. There was a knock on the door.

He walked over and looked through the peep-hole. It was Emerald Void.

He opened the door. "Hey, EV, how's it going?"

"Well, mind if I hang out here, 'cause I don't want to run in to Cupid.", said EV.

"Uh, no! Please get out of here! I really don't want to have company. Besides, the comic
shop is fixed downstairs and I am NOT letting Fanboy attack again!" and slammed the
door in EV's face.

He turned around and sat in his bean-bag chair. He felt a tap on his shoulder.

Impulse turned around and saw that it was Cupid.

"Uh-oh.", Impulse uttered before being shot with an arrow by Cupid.

He turned and the first person he saw was himself, in the mirror.

***
Impulse ran to the bar and went in.

"I'm in love.", said Impulse.

"With who?", said Joe.

"Me.", said Impulse

Chapter Twenty-Five: Weakness

By Jason Borelli

J Street

"and I'll invite all my girlfriends, and we'll get married at the alter, and"

"Dom, this isn't you! Snap out of it!"

"Why do I want to? I'll be Jean, and you'll be Scott, and"

JYu wondered how Jason Borelli was doing at the time.

Not quite as good

Geez!, thought Jason, as an arrow whizzed by his head.

The cherub had been following Jason for some time. Jason knew his ring was dying out,
and if he got nailed, there was no telling what could happen.

Jason touched down on G&H's, with the cherub on his heels.

"Look," said Jason, backing up near the jukebox. "I have to recharge. Would you give me
a minute?"

Cupid silently pulled an arrow out of the quiver.

"Look, kid, this is not right. I know it. You know it. You're throwing things out of whack.
After Valentine's Day, we're all gonna feel like jerks."

The kid loaded his bow.

"DAMMIT, DON'T DO IT!"

Jason angrily pounded on the jukebox. A song began to play

You lost that lovin' feeling

Ooooh, that lovin' feeling
You lost that lovin' feeling
Now it's gone, gone, gone

Cupid began to recoil, covering his ears. Jason stared at the jukebox, a smile creeping
into his lips. Before long, the cherub has flew away.

"Of course!" shouted Jason. "Depressing songs about heartbreak drive the little jerk
away! Hack, Hank, help me out! Do you have anything else depressing?"

"Jason, we have nothing else. Joe loaded up on love songs, throwing out anything
remotely depressing. He must've missed one."

"Damn! This thing plays nothing but love songs, the local radio station is on a love
theme. Where the hell am I going tofind"

Jason grinned.

"Oh man. Guys, I gotta get JYu. If J'onn or Miracle come in, tell them to meet me at
Gail's House of Mystery. I have the solution!"

Jason flew away.

Chapter Twenty-Six: They're baaaaaaack

By Emerald Void

Emerald Void was walking down the street toward Grendel's, when *thwack* he was hit
with one of cupid's arrow things. His vision went all blurry, then he turned around, and
saw a lone blue figure in the mist. (which was kinda funny, considering that there hadn't
been any mist a second ago.)

He turned to walk towards it, but he realized it was Smurfette.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo!he thought. Not her!

But he knew it was too late. He was stuck.
 Chapter Twenty-Seven: Night of the Walking Lovers
By Jason Borelli

Gail's House of Mystery

Jester's Apartment

Joseph Rice was hiding under his bed, baseball bat in one hand, large gun in the other.

KNOCKKNOCK!

"Who?"

"Jester, it's me, Borelli. We're having a meeting at my place."

"How do I know you're not kevrhon?"

"Look, Joey, I have zero interest in you. Now, c'mon. I have a plan to get rid of Cupid."

"Uh uh, Kev. You are NOT coming in here!"

As Jason forced the door open, he began to reflect on his own frightful experience with
the opposite sex

Wagner College
February, 1995

At the headquarters of the Wildhawks, a loud knocking could be heard.

"What's up," asked Chris Carrai (aka Control Freak)

"DAMMIT OPEN THE DOOR OPEN THE DOOR!"

"Borelli?"

"OPENTHEFREAKINGDOORFORTHELOVEOFGOD"

"Okay," said Carrai, opening the thick steel door that guarded the Wildhawks HQ.
"What's wrong?"

"Uhhhuhhh.so horrible"

"What?"

"Remember that fight we had with Chemist last week?"

"Yeah."

"That dart he nailed me withI think it did something to memade me more desirable to
women. About 20 of them tried to grab me topside! I'm lucky to be alive! This is my only
refuge, man"

The thought was interrupted as Samantha Hill, aka Terror Firma, entered the room.

"Guys, what's up? Everybody's milling aroundSpiroand I was"

Her thoughts trailed off as see saw Jason.

"Oh no," Jason whimpered.

"OH YES!" shouted Samantha, as she made a grab for Jason.

"CARRAI, GETINTOHERHEADFORGODSSAKE!"

"Can'temotions are too strong."

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Jason had been lucky that day. The Wildhawks managed to tracked down the Chemist and
Jason took the antidote. But Jason knew what unrequited love could do, as he dragged
Jester into his apartment.

"Hello everybody," Jason began, as J'onn, Jester, JYu, Miracle, Gail, Regina, and a few
others sat around him. "As you know, Cupid's been making life a wee bit difficult for all
of us."

"No kidding," grumbled J'onn.

"The bad news is I didn't have a clue on how to stop the spread of love. The good news is
that I found a venerability"

The crowd gasped.

"It seems that Cupid doesn't like songs of heartbreak and pain. So I got four sound
blasters from the Wildhawks. It's like a combination of a boombox and a backpack. Load
it up with a CD and you're ready to go."

"But there are only four," noted Regina.

"Well, that's all there was left. All you gotta do is find a depressing song, load it in, and
blast Cupid with it."
"What about long-term?" asked Jester.

"Glad you asked."

Jason dragged a large package into the room.

"Guys, this is the K5000 super karaoke machine. We play this for a few hours, Cupid will
take his business elsewhere. Of course, there's some assembly required."

"Jason," said Gail. "I don't mean to sound mean, but that is a dumb idea! Why should be
help you build this thing?"

Jason smiled, and turned on the radio.

"This one is called 'Ride of the Valkryes' by Wagner. This one goes out to gail from
Victor, who will traverse the greatest fjord for her."

Gail stared.

"Let's do it."

Chapter Twenty-Eight: I'm in Love

By Impulse

"What's love got to do with it" was playing on the jukebox.

Impulse was in the bar, drinking a double-thick chocolate shake through a straw and
looking into a mirror. The reflection made it look as though there was another Impulse
also drinking out of the glass. Aaah, love is in the air.

EVoid walked up to the booth. "I have a head-ache.", and a little blue she-Smurf walked
up.

"Come on, Emerald Void, you're mine!"

"NOOOOOO!" and Emerald Void ran off in the opposite direction.

But Impulse didn't take notice. He was too busy looking at himself.

***

An Interlude
"Yes, Mr. Howard.", said Nate. Nate walked to the detention hall at Hutton High School.
A strange blue light opened in front of him, but he turned too quickly to miss seeing the
previous scene on J Street.

***

"and here's a song from Impulse to Impulse", said Dr. Looooovvee. "It doesn't get any
better than this"

And the radio played "Roller-Coaster of Love" by the Chili Peppers.

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Love is a Many Splendored Thing

By White Knight

After the O'Peigh's had left, chief MacTyson resumed his work at the precinct.

Suddenly, the door opened.

"I'm here to make a complaint!" purred a female in a very sexy voice.

"huh?" MacTyson raised his head and looked towards the door. It showed a very, very
well endowed female wearing nothing but white-loose fitting clothes. And she was
backlighted.

"ulp!" He stood up. "Good afternoon, ma'am"

"Miss." she corrected in a strong but sensuous voice.

"miss, sorry, what can I do for you?"

She walked ever so slowly towards him. "You could do just about everything. My name
is Gina."

"My God!, She looks just like Teri Hatcher!" "Please, sit down."

"Thank you." she took her seat and eyed him slowly. A playful smile caressed her lips.

Cupid appeared inside the precinct. He had already fired an arrow against Gina, the love-
stricken reception girl from Frendel+s Motel. And he was just about to complete the
circle with the cop.
He took a gold tipped arrow ( (Author+s note: Cupid has Two sets of arrows. The
Gold Tipped makes people fall in love. The Lead tipped makes one's heart be as cold
as ice and as hard as stone.) and pointed at the cop.

He aimed, pulled the arrow backwards and countedone

"I'll register your complaint, miss"

"two"

"Where's my pen? Ah! It's on the floor."

"three"

MacTyson ducked to reach his pen. The arrow missed him for half an inch and sank on
the "Never Ending Bulletin Board."

He took his pen and began writing. Cupid spat a very foul word.

"What's your name, miss?"

"Gina"

"Is that your full name?"

"no, well, actually, my full name is Guenevere Arthurson. But my really close friends call
me Gina." she laughed the cutest laugh.

"And what is your complaint?"

Cupid took another arrow an placed it on his bow. He then activated the laser-sight and
centered right on MacTyson's heart.

"My complaint is You have lovely eyes, officer!"

MacTyson blushed. "Thank you, miss Arthurson"

"Gina. Call me Gina."

"I'm sorry, miss. While I'm on duty I'm required to call you by your last name."

Gina sneezed.

Cupid pointed. "This time I won't miss. OneTwo"

MacTyson reached inside his desk drawer to get a Kleenex tissue. Accidentally, he
switched on his CD player. "Deuce" by Kiss began playing at an extremely loud volume.
"three"

Cupid's arrow melted as the "Get up and get your grandma out of
here" lyrics boomed all across the precinct.

Cupid spat an even fouler word.

MacTyson turned the CD off and gave Gina the tissue.

"Thank you." Her hand touched his for the briefest moment.

"Now, about the complaint"

"Oh, yeah. That. Well, Ito tell you the truth" Gina's left hand played a bit with her hair.

"ahah?"

"There's this man"

"What has he done?" asked MacTyson, in an all-business voice.

Cupid was furious. He straightened his diaper and secured it tighter with the pin. He took
all of his gold-tipped arrows and placed them on the floor. He then took an assembly kit
from his tiny backpack. The sign on the kit read: Machine-Bow.(Pat. Pending.) Fires up
to 50 arrows in 6 seconds. Have fun at your parties!"

He took his tool belt (souvenir from the Home Improvement Universe (in which Tim is
God!) and started the assembly.

"It's not about what he has done" MacTyson was writing on his reports.

"It's about what he hasn't done." Gina approached MacTyson's desk and placed her
elbows on it. She then approached her head to MacTyson's.

Cupid had assembled the Machine Bow. He then aimed at MacTyson. "Now eat arrow
copper!"

"And what hasn't he done?" asked MacTyson and raised his head.

"He hasn't kissed me!" and with that, she pulled MacTyson's head towards hers and
kissed him on the lips.

After the kiss was done,

"Come on, Gina. Are you free for dinner?"

"For you, I'm free for anything." she stressed the last word.

"Then let's go!"

Gina and Michael, hand in hand, left the precinct.

Cupid saw that and spat the foulest word there is. He jumped up and down on his
Machine bow completely destroying it.

He left the precinct, fumbling. " I'm gonna make Wet Willie hate the water!"

Chapter Thirty: Run, Forrest, Run!

By Emerald Void

"AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa!" Emerald screamed. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" but to no

avail. Smurfette was hot on his tail, up and over the hills, past the brontosaurus feeding
pits, and onto the beach. As soon as Emerald hit the water, he began swimming as fast
and as far as he could.

"I'll get you yet, E Void, just you wait!" Smurfette bellowed.
Emerald Void shivered. I thought Cupid's arrows were supposed to make people into the
love incarnate, not the epitome of all evil. Oh well

Interlude

Emerald Void landed with a thud on a hard ferrocrete floor. Where am I? he thought.
Then he heard a laugh. "I know that laugh any where. Jabba, you piece of worm ridden
filth

Chapter Thirty-One: Love, Shining and New

By Joe Grendel

Hack's and Grendel's Pond

Bar and Grill

Sade's greatest hits were playing on the jukebox.

Impulse sat in a booth, holding a hand mirror, smooching his mirror and murmuring
"Who's the sexiest teen hero around? Yes, it's you! Yes, it is! Smoochie-woochie!"

Joe Grendel sat behind the bar, brooding. OzBat, who was much more comfortable with a
cranky Grendel than a happy one, polished glasses happily.

Lucky sat by the front door, whining for Emerald Void's ankle.

Hank leaned back in on his stool, his head against the wall, muttering "gailikins,
gailikins" in his sleep.

Then the door was flung open and gail entered, carrying a sack of potatoes. She dropped
it onto a barstool then climbed up onto the one beside it.

"Uh, what's this, Ms. gail?" Chet raised an eyebrow.

"This would be the love of my life, Mr. Happy Jetpack!"

Chet looked at OzBat and Grendel for help. They shrugged and OzBat mouthed the word
"retcon."

"Uh, OK," Chet said after a moment.

The door slammed open again.

"It is I, Victor the Mighty Viking! Where is my Valkyrie gail?"

The slamming of the door awakened the Regular Hank.

"Huh? Gail?"

Victor turned toward Hank, poking him with one Mighty finger.

"Sit on down, boy. gail belongs to me."

Hank slapped the finger away.

"Easy there, hornhead. I don't think gail goes for guys who don't understand basic dental
hygiene."

Victor growled, the vibration shattering Impulse's mirror.

"Who the?" He leapt to his feet, half in tears, half-ready to start a fight.

"Would you all JUST SHUT UP?" Grendel waved his pistol around angrily. Chet, Hack
and OzBat ducked beneath the bar.
"Actually," Chet's voice came from his hiding place, over the shushing of OzBat, "Gail
belongs to a sack of potatoes."

Hank and Victor blinked at that.

Mr. Happy Jetpack was very quickly reduced to mashed potatoes.

Chapter Forty: Cupid's Revenge

By Impulse

Meanwhile, on J Street...

There was a slight tap on the door, and in walked Cupid. He yelled, "WHY CAN'T YOU
PEOPLE JUST FALL IN LOVE????!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Joe muttered, "Of course....."

"Hey! Cupid... or should I say... ANTI-CUPID!! I figured out your little plan!" Cupid
raised the ArrowBlast at Joe and said, "You will hate someone, Mr. Grendel."

He fired a whole volley into Joe and caused him to fall down. "These are not the standard
"Love" arrows, but "Hate" arrows. You will feel nothing but--" and stopped all of a
sudden and everyone saw his hair go green. They were finally experiencing what
Emerald Void could do.

EVoid was behind Cupid. He had take over Cupid's Body.

Chapter Forty-One: Nailed

By Jason Borelli

J Street

For the past several days, Jason had played field commander in the war against Cupid.
Using his weaponry (including You Oughta Know by Alanis), Jason had reached a
stalemate with Cupid. But he knew that The Love Doctor (or whatever his name was)
was behind this. Still, he needed a plan of attack.

Things had not gotten any easier. Impulse was running around in circles, trying to kiss
himself. Barda was mooning over Happy Jetpack Man. And Raphael Starkiller had been
hit with the arrow, making him fall madly in love with Hank. Jason thought that J Street
couldn't get any weirder.

Then Emerald Void possessed Cupid. Jason was on the scene.

"EV? You in there?"

"Haaaarddd....to...control...can't get...control."

Jason thought Grendel would help, but the arrows had missed his heart, and he still had
the hots for hellgirl.

"EV, can you figure out who's behind this?"

"Can't...keep....focused!"

Suddenly, the Void was expelled, slamming into Jason. Void was knocked out; Jason
couldn't stand up, his sound blaster was busted.

"Yeah, let's get this over with," snarled Jason, beyond pissed off.

Cupid smiled. The arrow went into Jason's heart.

"MIRACLE!" shouted Jason. "Gotta get back home. I don't know who I got the yearning
for, but I don't want to find out. Get me out of here!"

Scott obliged, flying Jason back to the House of Mystery, as Cupid flew away, content.

Chapter Forty-Three: Time To Wrap This Up, Guys.

By Amazon

Ah-ha!

At last she had found it. The perfect Valentine's Day card.

Amazon sighed. Too bad there's only one, she thought.

Who was she going to give it to? She had so many friends that she couldn't choose any
over the other. They were all important to her.

But that still wasn't making anything easier.

Amazon glanced at a photo Joe Gallagher had given to her as a souvenir of her visit to
Gallagher City quite a while ago.

A slow smile stole over her features as she studied the group picture and reached for the
pen.

On the back of the card, she wrote:

To the Pantheon-

Be My Valentines.

Amazon

[To see your Valentine Card, open here.]

Chapter Forty-Four: Amazon Gets A Roomie

By Mope

The steady swish-sound of the shower came to a shop. Amazon looked up from her card.
Her warrior-heart might prevent her from being totally gushy about it, but she did allow a
small smile to creep out. She paused to reflect on how sweet she thought her new roomie
really was.

The bathroom door creaked open slightly to reveal...

Young Mickey O'Peigh, wrapped in a towel, brushing her teeth.

When Mickey had first approached Amazon about moving in, she had been admittedly
hesitant. Meeting the O'Peigh's over lunch gradually swayed Amazon to the idea. Since
her arrival at J. Street, Amazon had felt occasionally alone in her private moments as one
of the few women in a sea of men. Outwardly, of course, her warrior's glare did not belie
her true feelings. Those days on Paradise Island with her sisters sometimes felt so far
away. Taking Mickey under her wing now brought some of those familial emotions come
back.

Besides, Mickey would probably need someone to confide in the years ahead, Amazon
thought. Being Captain Pantheon's alter-ego might prove in the coming years to be more
of a curse than a blessing, especially as Mickey grew to be her own woman.

Amazon, lost in these thoughts, looked up to see Mickey now dressed, still brushing her
hair.
Mickey: Amazon, I really appreciate this. My parents were going to yank me back to the
DCU before you agreed to watch after me. I guess they were a little worried about me
living in a dimension that's 80% guys. (Mickey smiles)

Amazon: You're welcome, sister.

Chapter Forty-Five: The Beginning of the End

By Amazon

The phone was disconnected.

The doors were locked.

The radio was off.

J'onn sat in the darkness on his couch.

He was in the mood to play volleyball. With KC Suberman's head.

"J'onn!"

A female voice called out from the other side of the door.

A'nne.

Quickly unlocking the door, J'onn opened it to a crestfallen A'nne.

"J'onn," she choked, "Are you leaving me for another man?"

To be continued in "Pantheon Comics" #13: "Love Me Tender"!