"Pantheon Comics" #15: "Thicker Than Water"

Chapter One, by Joe Grendel

This story takes place after "Arrows and Slings," "Scatterday" and "Literal
Godling" #1.

Read "Two-Fisted Fantasy" #2 before reading this story!

One week later.

J Street,
outside
Hack's and Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

The cherry blossoms were blowing off the trees, caught in a warm spring wind.

Hatman sat on the dais, looking a trifle uncomfortable. He leaned over to his
partner.

"Is this really necessary?"

The Mighty Hank, beaming with pride, patted Hatman on the head.

"Friend Hat, J Street has been through a lot in thine, er, our absence," [See
"Pantheon Comics" #8 - 13] "Let them have their fun ..."

Jason Borelli flew into the air, before the assembled throng of Pantheoneers,
Minutemen, the J Street Task Force, pygmy marmosets, cybernetically enhanced
wieners, minor deities from dead religions and assorted alien critters. Chihuahua
Lad kept leaping up-and-down, waving and yipping frantically, despite the
repeated requests of his neighbors. A cheer erupted from the crowd.

Borelli frowned, glancing at Mayor Johannes van

Mocklingstricklenausgeseichnet.

"Can't you quiet ... never mind." He produced an enormous emerald megaphone
with his ring. "QUIET, PLEASE!"

A hush fell over the crowd. Borelli rotated in space, smiling down at a space in
front of the dais.

"Thank you. Ladies, hit it!"

A quintet of cheerleaders, dressed in green uniforms marked with yellow "H"s,
leapt to their feet, waving green-and-yellow pompoms. Music began thumping
from a giant emerald boombox.

"Oh, Hatman, you're so fine, You're so fine, You blow our minds, HEY HATMAN!
(Clap-clap) HEY HATMAN! (Clap-clap)

Oh, Hatman, what a pity, Can't you understand? You make us swoon with love,
When you save the day again. Oh, Hatman, can't you understand? It's heroes like
YOU Hatman! It's what you do, Hatman, Do, Hatman! It's what you ..."

"STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!" Hatman leapt to his feet, his face red. "I'm really
touched by all this, Hank and I both are, but I think what's really worth
celebrating here is that the Pantheon is back together at last. With us, the
Minutemen and, er, the J Street Task Force," he looked out at Chihuahua-Lad,
who was waving a "WE LUV U HAT" sign, "There's nothing we can't do
together!"

In the doorway of the bar, Grendel and OzBat leaned against opposite sides of the
doorjamb.

"Boss," the imp said with a smile, "I have a feeling that the Pantheon's best days
are ahead of it. Things can only get better from here!"

Grendel glanced over at him, the corners of his mouth turning up slowly.

"Oz," he chuckled quietly, "I think you're right."

***

At the same moment, elsewhere on J Street ...

Grendel watched helplessly as his elbows and knees were lashed to the bulkhead.
The cords were drawn taut, making the skin on either side go white.

"What ... who?" He shook his head, trying to clear it. Had he been drugged?

A figure emerged from the gloom, then another just like him. Then a woman, who
could be their twin sister. And yet, they looked like ...

"Oh no." Grendel's eyes clicked from Grendel, to Grendel, to Grendel. "You're
alive ... " He winced, remembering what he'd learned the night before on Clarrd.
"Moira."
"That's right," the Joe Grendel of Earth DC, Nemesis, drew his sword. "We're
back, you murdering [son of unwed parents]. And we're going to kill all of your
friends, destroy J Street, and help Moira conquer the multiverse. But first ..."

Nemesis streaked out with the sword, chopping off Grendel's right hand. Then his
left. Then his right foot. Then his left.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGH!"

"... we're going to have some fun." He leaned in close to the Pantheon's Joe
Grendel, so that his captive could see the scar where he'd slashed his counterpart's
throat a few months ago [See "Pantheon Comics" #7] "Get used to the pain.
You're going to be a long time in dying ..."

Chapter Two: "Double-edged Blade"

by Impulse

J Street, Hack's and Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

The parade for Hat, although not a total flop, was cut short by Hatman's plea for
the parade not to continue. This did disappoint some people, especially Chihuahua
Lad. He really liked Hatman and when he finally got to meet him, it was cut short.

"Chihuahua Lad, would you like to meet Hatman?" said Buried Alien.

"M-me-me-meet Hatman!?!?!?!" stammered Chihuahua Lad, "Uh, well, yeah!"

"Okay," said Buried and the duo walked over.

"Hey, how are you, Buried, my friend?" said Hatman.

"Very good, I mean with what's been happening and all, I think that it's good that
we're all alive and well. I have a friend here, his name is Chihuahua Lad and he is
a die-hard Hatman fan. He adores you. Chihuahua Lad?"

But Chihuahua Lad could not even talk because he was in the presence of Hat.

"That's okay. I hear you're quite the adventurer, since you did go looking for me, I
thank you," said Hat.

"Okay, Chihuahua Lad, we gotta get back to work. Say good-bye to the nice hat!"
said Buried and took away Chihuahua Lad, who was still staring at Hatman.
"GET BACK TO WORK, YOU MISERABLE WORM!" said the Earth-DC Joe
Grendel.

The Earth-J Street Joe Grendel, thanks to the Joe Grendel Revenge Squad, was
now in bondage and was forced into hard, hard labor. He considered himself the
least lucky man in the world. He was suffering and did not like it one bit. The
JGRS had forced him to created bullets for them, but to use all of his knowledge
to make perfect ammo for their assault on J Street.

"Come and get it! Impulse's Comic Shop and Minuteman Comics have combined
for a sale! Any comic featuring a hero who wears a thing on their head is 75% off
today! Get yer comics!" yelled Impulse.

The two stores had teamed together to do a sale of epic proportions. The stores
were filled full of customers and they also just sat outside of the stores, slurping
on ice cream sodas and slushes, provided for 50 cents at the Cyber-Cafe. The Cafe
was full of people surfin' the net, playing Quake (editors' note: THE BEST game
on Earth) and eating EV's newpickled sausage. It was actually pretty good. No
more Green Revenge.

"Y'know, I really like the theme to Quake. You know, Nine Inch Nails. Hey,
wouldn't it be cool if they came to J Street and played! Like a festival!" said
Jason.

"Sure! I'll mention it to some people, and see what happens," said the Mayor, who
was looking over the shoulder of Jason.

"HEY! OZ! I WANT THOSE TABLES WASHED SOOOOOOOOO CLEAN, I

WANT THEM TO LOOK LIKE THE TOP OF THE CHRYSLER BUILDING!!",
yelled Joe.

"Jeesh. Joe acts like he owns the place."

"I do!" said Joe.

"Only half!" retorted OzBat.

"Yeah, well Hack hasn't been around for a while, so I'm taking back full control,"
said Joe.

"Okay," said OzBat.

"So, "stammered Joe, "GET TO WORK!"

"GET TO WORK!", said one of the Joe Grendel Revenge Squad.

Joe Grendel was too weak to even stand up now. He was invulnerable, but that
wouldn't do jack if he was sick as a dog.

Joe Grendel Earth-Marvel started to kick him repeatedly.

"Hey! This is our prize! We want it to last as long as possible!", said Joe Grendel
Earth-DC.

"Hey," whispered hellgirl, "Do you think that Joe's a little more... cruel?"

"Not any more than he usually is," said gail who sipped her club soda, "Besides,
when was the last time Joe Grendel was reeeeeeally nice to you? I mean, besides
when he fell in love with you."

"Good Point."

Joe Grendel had heard this and smirked. I'll see you all dead, thought he.

Chapter Three: "KidsTuff"

by TSRob

J Street

The Scarlet Dragon walked down J Street a bit faster than usual. His arms were
laden with Hatman merchandise: primarily T-shirts and stuffed toys, with three
particularly irritating (and expensive) "Tickle Me Hatbaby" dolls convulsing and
squawking in unison. A half-dozen commemorative balloons, including one with a
cartoon Hatman face inside a clear bubble, trailed from his left wrist.

Eddying around in front of the Dragon and gradually advancing were three little
girls. They appeared to be triplets; at any rate they were identical, except for the
colors of their dresses - red, orange, and yellow - and the matching scrunchies that
tied back their rust-colored hair.

Swirling into the doorway of Abdul Aziz's Pan-Dimensional Emporium, the girls
almost tripped up an exiting patron.
"Whoops! Watch out there, girls!" Amazon said to them, leaning down and
smiling. "Well! Whose little ladies are you?" The three girls stared up at her and
said nothing.

The Scarlet Dragon caught up, and the trio retreated to huddle around his scaly
ankles. "Sorry, Amazon! They're mine. Kids, say hello to the nice amazon..."

"Oh, that's okay. They're just shy! Wait a minute! Yours? Let me guess... a
Cargggite had your baby!"

"Uh, no..." the Dragon replied, not quite sure if Amazon was kidding. "They're my
nieces, I mean! They came to visit J Street for the Hatman parade. I'm a little
worn out trying to keep up with them! Amazon, meet Zoe, Chloe, and Joey!"

Hearing their names, the little girls looked up and spoke.

"Can we go-"

"In the store,"

"Unca Rob?"

"Okay, but then we have to hurry to the comic sale before all the good stuff is
gone! Just don't touch anything! I'll be there in a second. If you need anything, ask
your Uncle Abdul for help!"

"O."

"K."

"!"

the toddlers agreed, and skedaddled inside.

"They're adorable!" Amazon gushed as soon as the girls were out of earshot.
"Joey, huh? I hope she's not named after anyone we know..."

"No, my sister Daffy has a weird Joey Heatherton thing."

A frantic voice inside was heard yelling, "I am not your uncle! That is a bald-
headed lie!"

"Daffy?" Amazon asked inquisitively.

"Short for Daphne. Well, it's not really short, but... you know."

"Daffy Drake?"
"Daffy Drake-Yodel, actually. She hyphenated after her marriage."

"Did she?"

"Her husband Sodal, my brother-in-law, wasn't really thrilled. He's kinda

conservative - we like to call him the white sheep of the family!"

"Sodal Yodel?"

"Yeah, it's a weird name, I know. He was named after his maternal grandfather
from Daxam."

"A Daxamite?"

"Uh-huh. Say, have you been hanging around with the Question (?) or
something?"

"So your nieces are..."

"One-eighth Daxamite, yes!"

"Gee, do you think it's wise to..."

Before Amazon could finish the thought, a tremendously loud, ominously

extended series of crashes emanated from the overstuffed, overpriced confines of
Abdul's shop...

"Ulp!" the Dragon swallowed. "'Scuse me!" Rather brusquely whisking Amazon
aside, he crouched under the door frame and hurried in.

"No problem..." Amazon said, a bit miffed.

She jumped, startled, when someone laid a hand on her shoulder.

Whipping about, braceleted fists raised, she said accusingly, "Joe Grendel! You
know better than to do that! My Amazonian reflexes and training..."

"Sorry, Amy!" Grendel replied in a conciliatory tone. "You're right... I should

know you better than that! Say, did I hear correctly? The dragon's little bra-a-
*AHEM!* nieces are one-eighth Daxamite?"

"Yes."

"Interesting..." Grendel stood peering through the window of Aziz's Emporium,

where a flustered dragon defended three little girls from an irate shop-owner, and
smiled.
 Chapter Four: Grendel, Grendel, Grendel, Grendel!
by Joe Grendel

Elsewhere on J Street

"Wake up, you idiot!"

Nemesis kicked the reclining Grendel's feet off the bulkhead.

José Grendelio's feet landed on the metal flooring with a loud thud.

"Ay ... whatchu do that for, man?"

Nemesis drew back his fist as if to punch his Earth Margarita counterpart, then
decided he wasn't worth the effort.

"You were talking in your sleep about making Pantheon Joe do slave labor," he
glanced up at their prisoner, who hung from the straps bereft of hands and feet,
his naked torso criss-crossed with scars. "And cut out that stupid accent; you're
not really Latino."

"Puta," Grendelio muttered under his breath.

"WHAT?" Nemesis' hand went to his sword -- his power to adapt and overcome
others' superpowers wouldn't be any good against this twit -- and slid out the first
few inches.

"Nothing, nothing ... I'll go spell Jo at the monitors ..."

***

Hack's and Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

Hack looked from the screen to his ledger book.

"Grendel is useless at book-keeping."

"Tell me about it," Chet said, waddling in with a crate of gin bottles in his arms,
"He hasn't restocked in weeks. I've had to get all this at once." He squatted down
on the floor, behind stacks and stacks of crates, wiping his brow.

He heard the door open, and Hack cough nervously.

"Joe! How ya doin'?"

Chet listened, hoping Grendel hadn't heard them speaking.

"Fine, Hack, fine." Joe "Incubus" Grendel, the Grendel of the Image Universe,
walked slowly over to Hack, sitting down in the chair next to him. "I have some
papers here I want you to sign ..."

"Huh?" Hack smacked his lips together sleepily.

Chet peeked out from around the rows of boxes. Grendel had slid a pack of legal
documents at Hack, who had a dazed look on his face.

Hack picked up the pen and began signing them, one by one. The shadows
thickened behind Hack, and Chet ducked back behind the boxes just as another
Joe Grendel stepped into view.

"He sign them?" Joe "Shadow Knight" Grendel, the Grendel of the Marvel
Universe, asked.

"Yeah. I'll tell Hank to hang up the old sign ... it's back to being Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill again."

"Good. Then we won't be needed the Internet Impotent anymore ..." The Shadow
Knight's cloak slid over Hack's shoulders, moving of its own free will. Hack
vanished into its folds, which then wrapped up around the Shadow Knight. The
shadows deepened around them, and they vanished. Incubus stood up, stretching.

"That's stage one. Moira wanted J Street taken over, but we really had to do this
first." He walked to the door, opening it. "HANK! OZBAT! I have some work for
you! And where the [Hades] is Chet?!"

Behind the crates, Chet's mouth went dry.

Oh god ...

***

Across the street, at the Pan-Dimensional Emporium

Olga the Flower Gypsy mounted the stairs, resting beside Amazon as they
watched Abdul Aziz lay impressive Arabic curses on The Scarlet Dragon.

Olga shivered, despite the 70 degree weather and sunshine.

Amazon frowned.

"Something wrong?"

Olga stared wide-eyed at the bar across the street.

"Nothing I can say for certain ... I just have bad feelings ..."

***

Elsewhen, within the inky void

Hack tumbled in space, his voice hoarse from screaming, his nerves frazzled from
trying to find a computer with his powers to link to, a dimensional egress point,
something simply solid ...

Put he was alone in this void, the only thing in it. The blackness within Shadow
Knight's cloak was absolute ...

... and there was no escape ...

Chapter Five: Drink Drink Drink Drink!

by Merlin

(Note: This story also takes place after the Minuteman Clone Saga which in fact
took place just prior to the events of Scatterday. The Clone Saga itself will be
finished very soon.)

Merlin was asleep in his room in the recently completed extension to Minuteman
Comics. In his bed, his body tossed and turned, his mind far off in the land of
dreams. Bad dreams.

He found himself running through a desert, the sun beating down on him and a
terrible thirst consuming him. Then the dreamscape changed, and the sand in the
desert was replaced by millions of tequila bottles, all empty. He could feel the
thirst increase, the bottles, devoid of their alcohol, taunting him, as the horribly
familiar feeling of clarity began to crystallise in his mind-

Merlin awoke with a scream, springing upright in bed and then grabbing for the
hip flask under his pillow. He brought the small container to his lips and knocked
back a large swig of its contents, before letting out a long, slow breath to calm his
nerves. The light in the room hurting his eyes; he grabbed his round rimmed
shades from the bedside table and put them on, before rising from the bed to
investigate the source of all the noise that was even now bringing on a headache.
Peering through a gap in the curtains, he saw that the noise was coming from a
throng of people buzzing in and out of the comic shop below. Dom had said
something about a sale; he supposed this must be it. Walking into the bathroom he
took a shower, at the same time drinking some of the vodka he kept in the
medicine cabinet for emergencies, the combination of the two dulling the
headache and restoring some stamina to his body. After dressing in his usual
baggy rune covered trousers, white shirt and black waistcoat, he made his way
down stairs.
In the kitchen, the now blue-skinned Jasper was eating some lunch, while at the
kitchen table, Cowman was busy assembling his latest invention.

"Morning, Jasp; 'Ello, CM," said Merlin as he entered the room.

"Hi, Merls!"

"MoOoo mOooOooOo"

"How's 'the big sale' going" said Merlin as opened the fridge door and inspected
the contents for the prospects of a late breakfast.

"Pretty good, we should make enough to cover the cost of the extension and the
damage
inflictedbytheclones,butworkingwithTheJStreetTaskForceisverytrying.Thereso,yo
uknow,outthereanditshardto" Jasper continued on at superspeed, but after a while
Merlin lost interest.

"What are you working on, Cowman?" he said as he sat down at the kitchen table.

"MoOooOooOo" said Cowman looking up, "MooOooOo mOoooooOOo

MooOooOoOoOOoOoOOo"

"What's an 'Ident-O-Tron' when its at home?" asked a confused Merlin

Cowman went on to explain that after all the problems with the Clones of Francis,
Dom wanted a way to instantly verify the identity of any member of the team. In
theory, the 'Ident-O-Tron' would be able to tell the identity of the 'real' person
from any impostor, clone, shape-changer ordimensional double. In theory. It was
one of Cowman's inventions, after all...

"Impressive," said Merlin. "So, er... does it work yet?"

"Moo."

"Oh well, keep trying, I'm sure you'll work out the bugs eventually." Merlin
tapped his fingers on the table "I think I'm going to go down to Grendel's for a
drink; see you two later," he said eventually.

***

At the bar, Merlin was served by a cheerful OzBat.

"I didn't see you at the Hatman parade earlier" observed the Imp.
"Nah, I was in bed, had a bit of a hang-under" said Merlin, slurping from the
straw of the large cocktail in front of him.

"You mean a hang-over surely?"

"What? Oh... er.. yeah, that's what I meant."

"Had a bit too much to drink last night did you?" said Oz tactfully. In his opinion
Merlin had been drinking 'a bit too much' every night since he had returned from
Scatterday, although strangely last night was the one time Merlin hadn't been in
the bar.

"Too much to drink? Er... Yeah, something like that." said Merlin, and then
thought to himself Or rather, I had too little to drink last night...

Chapter Six: Forever Unforgiven

by Jason

J Street

Jason had gotten his wish. After all that waiting, things were getting interesting.
Hat had returned, and almost immediately, he followed Hank to Asgaard.

He had run into Rob's three nieces...cute, but hyper, reminding Jason of his
cousins in New Jersey. He'd offer to baby-sit, but somehow, it would end up with
him either dead or close to it.

"Olga! What's up with my fave gypsy?"

"Mr. Jason...I have visions."

"Huh? Visions? Oh, yeah. You can glimpse the multiple timelines."

"Anyway...there are five...they come for you."

"Five?"

"Yes, yes. They come for your life. A great evil guides them even now."

Jason paused.

"Man. Do I...y'know..."

"The picture is fuzzy. In some times, you live. On others, you-"

"I...I get the picture. Thanks Olga."

Jason walked away.

Man. I sure as hell didn't expect that!

Meanwhile, one of the alterGrendels looked on. Hack had been neutralized. The
gypsy would have to come next.

But he was wrong. Dead wrong.

When the Pantheon classifies Earths, they name them after those who come from
them. Take Earth-B for instance. It's the world of Jason Borelli. Nothing much
happens on the surface, yet if you dig deeper, you'd find a cornucopia of
metahuman intrigue.

The van had been heading east for five days now. They had trained in the deserts
of Arizona, pushing their abilities to the max. Then their boss showed up. Told
them their they were at their peak, and that they were ready for the task at hand.

Driving the van was Clone. He had the ability to infuse others with his genetic
structure and his will. With his bare hands, he can create an army.

In the passenger's side seat was Tearjerker. With a look inside one's mind, she can
bring out the worst pain imaginable in anybody.

Lying down in a back seat, deactivated (for the time being) was Impostor. The last
android solider of Ubermind, Impostor can mirror anyone, right down to the tritest
of traits.

Then there's Chemist. After a freak lab accident, a mild-mannered science

professor was given the power of transmutation, with the only cost being his
sanity.

Finally, there was the Living Landfill. A former hero turned thug, he was involved
in an accident that gave him the molecular structure of garbage. Now he has
power over refuse, as well as super-human strength.

Their destination? Washington, D.C.

Their mission? Find Jason Borelli... and wipe him off the face of any Earth
imaginable...

Their name? What society had done to them, they called themselves the
Unforgiven.
WASHINGTON: 150 mi.

Chapter Seven: Introductions

by Wet Willie

Willie and a... friend of his emerged from the fountain in the pavilion immediately
across from Grendel's.

"So...this is J Street."

"Yeah. I think you'll like it here, Eddie."

"Sure, I'll bet. Where's this bar you're tellin' me about?"

"Well...Eddie...you're still much too young to...enjoy the bar, but you're still
allowed to come in. Especially 'cause you're with me. Come on. We'll sit in the
family section."

"*Sigh*"

"I want you to meet my friends. The Pantheon will be THRILLED to hear that *I*
have a sidekick!"

"*Yawn*"

"Eddie! Don't be so...negative all the time. That's no way for a super-hero to act!"

"Hey, man! I don't even WANT to be a hero! I'm only doin' this 'cause you said
the Super-Hero Internship Program would PAY me..."

"Right. About that..."

"Oh, no you don't! They ARE going to send my family a check, right?! You didn't
lie to me, did ya, Willie?!"

"No...no...uh...I didn't lie. There'll be money..." *Damn*, Willie thought. *How'm

I gonna get myself outta THIS one?*

The duo walked into Grendel's.

"Ozzie!"

"Hey, Willie! Howza doin'?" the mite replied.

"Doin' great, my friend. Look, I want you to meet somebody! This is

my...SIDEKICK! OzBat, meet Squirt. Squirt, meet OzBat!"
Eddie rolled his eyes at the mention of his idiotic code-name. "Hi."

"Hey, nice ta meecha, Squirt. Any friend of Willie's is a friend of mine! So, Willie,
you got a sidekick, huh? Boy, won't the other guys be jealous!"

"Yeah, maybe, OzBat, I don't know. Say, where IS everybody?"

"Oh...Today's just sorta...relaxed, I guess. Laid back. Some of 'em are shopping,
some taking care of personal stuff. Why?"

"Well...uh...I was kinda hoping there would be more people here. I kinda wanted
Squirt here to talk to some of the guys. Maybe they could tell him Pantheon
stories, or something. Besides, I gotta date with Regina today. I've gotta pick her
up in ten minutes at gail's." Willie peeped out.

"Oh...waitasec...You were just gonna DITCH me here?! You thought your old
fogey-friends would babysit for ya? You're a real jerk!" Despite a couple weeks of
training with Willie, and even a couple of missions, Eddie's opinion of Willie
hadn't really improved.

"No...wait...I really thought you could LEARN from some of the vets, Eddie...er,
Squirt!"

"Looks like YOU still need some training in the old secret-id department, there,
Willie!"

"Shaddap, OzBat! Listen, Eddie, why don't you stay here? OzBat can tell you
some GREAT stories, and the food's not half-bad, either!"

"Look, man, I'm not going to do this because you told me to. I'll do it 'cause I got
nothin' better to do."

"Fine. Who knows? Maybe some of the others will turn up! They'll be able to give
you plenty of pointers! Right now, I have to go!" Willie made a wave gesture
towards OzBat, and gave Eddie the 'thumbs-up'. Then, he bolted out the door
towards the House of Mystery. He was late.

"Sooooo...Squirt! How old are ya, my boy?"

"Shut up."

Chapter Eight: Autographs and Lunches

by The Mighty Hank!

Hatman walked in a moment later. Squirt ran up to shake his hand, and get his
autograph. A confused Wet Willie walked over and looked him over.
"Hey, Hat, I thought you'd followed Hank to Asgaard a little while ago," said the
wet-behind-the-ears ocean master. Hat shook his head as he sighed and signed
YET ANOTHER autograph.

"Actually, it was Mt. Olympus, and we got back from THAT little sojourn a few
days ago," said Hatman.

(See "Literal Godling #1" for details!)

Willie scratched his head while Squirt beamed at his autograph.

"But, Jason said--" Hatman interrupted him with a friendly pat on the shoulder.

"Willie, I think Jason's been sniffin' glue," Hatman said with a smile. He shouted
at the back room of Grendel's pond.

"Hey, Hank! you ready?" Hatman said. Hank came bounding out a moment later.

"Oh, greetings friend Hat. 'Tis time for lunch, yes?" The Mighty Hank! said with a
grin.

"Yeah, let's go," said Hat. The pair walked out the door. Hatman grabbed onto
Hank's back. Hank then let a Mighty Stinky Fart! rip, and he bounded into the sky,
off for a culinary adventure.

Willie pondered this for a moment.

Another chapter, and yet still no discernible plot development. Willie furrowed his
brow in deep thought.

Oh well! Willie thought with a shrug. He turned to Squirt.

"Now, Squirt, the first thing you have to learn about as a Superhero is laundry. Do
you know what laundry is?"

"Yeah, I know what laundry is, you stupid son of a ...."

Meanwhile ....

In a deep dark place ....

Jose' Grendelio enjoyed immensely what he was doing. He was using a pair of
pinking shears to cut off small bits of Joseph Douglas Grendel. Then, Jose'
delighted in watching them grow back.

"tee-hee ...," said the villain.

 Chapter Nine: Live ... at Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill!
by Joe Grendel

Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

Incubus wandered out of the back, looking around with an irritated look on his
face.

"Where the [procreation] is everyone?"

"What's that, boss?" OzBat turned from the cue rack, where he was replacing the
cue sticks Squirt had been playing with.

"I wanted Hank to go hang up these flyers," Incubus waved a stack of blue paper,
along with a staple-hammer. "Where's Chet?"

"Ya got me. Does he know that Hack sold back his half-interest in the bar?"

Incubus smirked.

"Dunno. It just happened." Incubus stared at the sign blinking in the window.
"Hang these up, imp."

OzBat BAMFed over, looking dubiously at the staple-hammer.

"Uh, boss? Don't you remember? The phone poles on J Street are sentient ... I'll
use tape."

"Oh, right, right." Sentient?! "Yeah, I'd hate to hurt the poles ..."

OzBat scanned the flyers.

"'Festival de Rock Vida Después de la Muerte?, Weds., April 9 outside Grendel's

Pond Bar and Grill' I didn't know you spoke Spanish."

"Ah, you know, you pick up a little of this, a little of that."

"'Live after Death' rock concert? Bob Marley, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Jim Morrison,
John Lennon, Janis Joplin and Elvis? How COOL!" OzBat fairly vibrated with
glee. "Why 'Live After Death?'"

Incubus shrugged, smiling.

"Ah, you know; it's spring ... when the dead return to life ..."

***
Elsewhere on J Street

Grendel moaned, watching the shears dig into his stomach again. He was beyond
jumping as they cut into him again.

Nemesis reached around, yanking the pinking shears away from Grendelio.

"You idiot! Be careful! Pantheon Joe's regeneration works slowly. If you kill him
before I say so, I'll put you on the bulkhead in his place!"

Grendelio sighed heavily and stomped off to find his tequila, his Tevas booming
loudly on the metal floor.

There was a cough, and Nemesis turned to see Jo Grendal, the Joe Grendel of the
Star Wars universe, standing in a hatchway.

Despite the fact that she was him, a few minor chromosomal differences aside,
she made him feel all ... or maybe it was because of those similarities.

His eyes swept her hard, tall body, dressed in a tightly wrapped shirt and equally
trim black pants. Her hair, blonde as the rest of the members of the Joe Grendel
Revenge Squad were, was pinned up at the back of her neck. She saw him ogling
her, and wryly appraised him back.

"Moira sent this guy to keep an eye on us." She stepped aside, glaring at the man
who entered.

Strapped to the wall, Grendel gasped.

"You! Finally!" He gasped, his vision blurring again, the delirium returning. "The
Pantheon's here to save me ..." He passed out, pink saliva trailing from the corner
of his mouth.

Jo raised an eyebrow. "You aren't are you?"

The colorfully dressed newcomer shook his head, staring hard at the disfigured
body strapped to the bulkhead.

***

Back at the bar

Grendel was gone, at least for the moment, and if he was going to leave before it
was discovered what he'd seen, it had to be now.
Even after all these months, Chet didn't know enough about J Street, or even the
bar, to know where the back door (nearly always boarded up) led to. But after
seeing not one, but two Joe Grendels turn on Hack, one a teleporter, the other
capable of mind control, it clearly wasn't safe around here anymore ...

His hand pulled the knob, cold to the touch, and as he stepped forward into the
ring of trees on the opposite side, he spared one look back at the bar.

I'll save you, Hack ... somehow.

Chapter 10: Danny Thomas would be proud

by The Jester

The Jester moseyed on down J Street. Being from Kentucky, he was legally
obligated to occasionally partake in a bit of moseying. And mosey he did. He
moseyed like no man has ever moseyed before. Cybernetically-enhanced weiners
and sentient telephone poles would gasp and say, "Look at him mosey! It's like
nothing I've ever seen!"

He was in full costume, ready for the Hatman parade. Sipping his Hawaiian
Punch, he began to think he'd missed it. Timing and remembering times were two
skills the Jester lacked. A flyer flew in the breeze and attached itself to his legs.
He picked it up for examination.

"Neat! A rock festival! COOL! JOHN LENNON! ELVIS!" Reading on, he took a
large gulp of his refreshing beverage. "PUUAH!" he spat it out in a forceful
stream. "JIM MORRISON?!? OH, [defecation]! It must be some evil plot! Why
would Grendel book my arch enemy! And he's not even dead! I'm going to the
Pond!"

******The Pond******

Squirt, Hatman, and Ozzie were still chatting. Jester burst in with a cacophony of
boisterous sound.

"Good Lord!" shouted Hatman. "What a cacophony of boisterous sound!"

"Indeed!" Oz nodded. "'Twas truly a boisterous sonic cacophony!"

Everyone looked at Squirt.

"What? WHAT?!? I'M NOT GOING TO SAY THAT! NO!"

Hatman sighed.

"What's the cause of your angered entrance, Jesse?"

"DID YOU SEE WHO'S PLAYING HERE?"

"Yeah! Isn't it cool?"

"COOL?!? COOOOOL?!?!?! MY ARCH ENEMY IS PLAYING HERE!"

"Buddy Holly's your arch enemy?"

"NO! SPECIAL AGENT JAMES DOUGLAS MORRISON, CIA!"

The trio stared at him blankly.

"Jester, how can a dead guy be your arch-enemy?"

"HE'S NOT DEAD! IT WAS A HOAX SET UP SO HE COULD DO SUPER-

BLACK COVERT OCCULT WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!"

"Suuuuuuuuure, Jester. I think you just want a dead arch-enemy, so he doesn't

kick your [posterior] all the time."

"ASK GRENDEL! WE FOUGHT HIM! WELL, NOT REALLY HIM, BUT HIS
AGENTS! *HE* BELIEVED ME!"

"Fine, Jester, fine. Actually, I remember him saying something about that once.
We believe you. But remember, that's just the Morrison of Earth A. This is
undoubtedly a different one. One who is really dead." "Hmmmm. You might be
right Oz. I'll stick around just in case. But now . . .TO THE LOO!" Jester charged
back into the Pond Men's room.

"That guy's stupid," Squirt said.

Chapter 11: Live fast, die young and leave ...

by Joe Grendel

Wednesday, April 9, 1997

(More or less.)
J Street
The office of the mayor

Blanca Kannen-Fauder, dressed in jeans shorts and a lime-colored crop top and a
pair of outrageously large sunglasses, her brown hair spilling down from a single
ponytail in a bright-orange scrunchie on the top of her head, knocked against the
door frame.
"Mayor van Mocklingstricklenausgeseichnet?" After all these months, Blanca was
the only J Streeter who could manage the name on a regular basis. "Mr. Joseph
Grendel is here to see you."

"I know Mr. Grendel, Blanca, show him in." Johannes, wearing his 'Fleetwood
Mac Rumours' T-shirt, took another sip from his coffee cup and slowly closed a
notebook where he had been reviewing the sanitation department (well, a pair of
goblins and a super-intelligent alligator) concerns. The last thing J Street needed
was a strike by those three. Heroes be damned: At the end of the day, he wanted a
working toilet. He looked up as Grendel, sharply dressed in a linen suit stepped
in. "Joe! I vas just on my vay out the door to go to your rock festival. What can I
do for you heute?"

Joe "Incubus" Grendel turned toward the mayor's assistant.

"Thanks, Blanca. I need to talk to the mayor about a private matter. Maybe I'll see
you at the concert, huh, babe?"

Blanca simpered off in a huff. Only the mayor got to call her "babe," and only
after working hours.

Incubus closed the door, turning back to the mayor.

"There's something I need to discuss with you, Johannes ..."

***

Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

The Jester looked into the mirror, breathing heavily, listening to the sound of the
crowds outside, the pounding base of an early morning jam session of Jimi
Hendrix, Stevie Ray Vaughn and John Bonham.

"Woo ... woo ... you're tough. You're tough," he said to his reflection, blocking it
for an annoyed RuPaul, who'd wanted to touch up his makeup, "It doesn't matter
if no one else believes you about Jim Morrison. You're JUSTICE LEAGUE,
MAN! YEAH!"

Clapping his hands together, he turned to face down evil, in the form of a rock
star 25 years dead.

***

Elsewhere on J Street
"But WHY?" Grendelio turned, enraged, and kicked Grendel in the stomach,
drawing forth only a whimper at this point. "Why CAN'T I go to the concert?"

"You idiot ..." Nemesis sipped an apple cider, listening to the concert through his
radio (the concert was being simulcast on WJST) and glared at his counterpart.
"Because ... Incubus is already out there. We don't want to advertise that there are
multiple Joe Grendels roaming J Street. Not yet. Our plan takes a few more
days ..."

Moira's spy stepped away from Grendel, whose ear he had just left tattered, and
came over to the metal counter near Nemesis, dropping his Leatherman there.

"Do all of them give you this much trouble?"

"'ey, puta, screw you!" Grendelio snarled in the face of the brightly costumed
Pantheoneer. He whirled on Nemesis. "Why were you made leader?"

Nemesis stood up, grabbing Grendelio by the neck, walking him backwards to the
bulkhead beside Grendel. He slammed Grendelio's head beside one of Grendel's
wrist stump and he forced his ally to look at it.

"Because, peckerwood, I'm smarter than you. I get things done. Things run
orderly when I'm around. It's a heavy responsibility, but one I have to take on."

"Save it for gail2, a-hole," Grendelio gasped. Nemesis thumped his head back against
the bulkhead, the vibration shaking Grendel back awake.

"And because I could rip your throat out with my fingers, and no one would stop
me or care ..."

"Oh. Why didn't you say so?" Grendelio squirmed free, grabbing the radio and
going to look for his tequila.

***

On the outdoor stage in front of the bar

Traffic was disrupted, having to use the opposite lane to go both ways, but few J
Streeters were complaining ... this was the best concert since someone had
decided to show Ludwig Von Beethoven the collected works of Motorhead.

As Hendrix finished a drawn-out, almost orgasmic solo, Incubus and Johannes

van Mocklingstricklenausgeseichnet mounted the steps at the side of the stage.
Hank, working security for this side (an earplugged Captain Pantheon was
working the other) grinned and let them on stage.
Van Mocklingstricklenausgeseichnet walked out to center stage, looking a bit
dazed, trailed by a smirking and waving Joe Grendel, wearing small dark green
sunglasses.

"Hello?" van Mocklingstricklenausgeseichnet blew into the microphone, much to

the consternation of the masses pressed up against the speakers. "Is dis ting on?"

"YES!" the aforementioned masses replied.

"Oh ... goot." He glanced over at Grendel, looking a bit shaky. "I haff an
announcement to make. I haff been your mayor for longer than anyone ..." he
waited a moment to let the catcalls this last statement engendered to die down,
"And I haff come to an important decision. J Street, by its very nature, is a
celebration of diversity. We have people, beings and sentient concepts from
throughout the multiverse here, and I am joost a man. I have never been to the
stinking seacoast of Hell, never eaten dinner at Milliways, never dined in the hall
of a living planet. It occurs to me that perhaps, then, I should serve an advisory
role to a mayor who has had all these experiences, who better understands your
needs."

He looked out in the audience, none of whom was sober or interested enough to
notice how glassy his stare was.

"Thus, pursuant to the same bylaws that allowed The Scarlet Dragon to appoint
me his successor ..."

TSD, busy herding his nieces away from the Sno-Cone stand, glanced up briefly
at mention of his name, but then was distracted when a niece accidentally planted
her Sno-Cone firmly into the posterior of a nearby Hell's Angel.

"... I have today handed the reigns of mayoral power over to Joe Grendel."

Relieved that the speech was now clearly over, the crowd roared with pleasure.
Incubus grabbed the microphone and waved to the crowd. Your turn will come
suckers, soon enough.

"On with the show!"

Chapter 12: Visit from an Old Friend

by Jason

: "... I have today handed the reigns of mayoral power over to Joe Grendel."

Jason looked up from the Sno-Cone stand. Grendel? Mayor? What the heck was
this?
"What the hell is this?" he said aloud, to nobody in particular, as TSR's nieces
fought the Hell's Angels.

"Hello, Jason."

"J'Onn! Didja hear?"

"Not really. I have a very bad headache. I have no idea where it came from. It
started a few days ago."

"I got some aspirin in my backpack. Need any?"

"No. These things can go away by themselves."

As Jason began to watch the concert, five beings of great evil looked from an
alley.

"Now we strike?"

"LANDFILL! Remember what the boss said. First we toy with him, THEN we
waste him."

"Oh. Right. Sorry, Chemist."

"Tearjerker, weave your magic."

The blonde smiled. She began to concentrate.

Jason was listening to the music intently. Soon, it became silent, like somebody
had turned down the volume.

What the hell is this?

"Jason."

Jason knew the voice. He turned around.

"Mope?"

"Uh huh."

"God! I mean...you're supposed to be..."

"Dead? Yes I am."

"But... I mean, it is Dead Rockers Day, but how...?"

"You killed me, Borelli. You killed me."

"ME? But you gave your life..."

"SHUT UP! You could've stopped the anomalies. But no! You had to go home!
You turned tail!"

"I...It was a miscast wish! I didn't know there was residual ener-"

"Excuses excuses excuses. All your life, you've tried to weasel out of bad
situations. That ends. Now."

Jason was sweating. Mope's eyes glowed red with anger.

"Have to stop you."

Jason pointed his ring. Nothing.

"I...I charged it yesterday."

"It isn't going to work, Borelli," said Mope, slowly growing until he was at least
twenty-feet tall. "Your time is up!"

Jason closed his eyes. He couldn't move. He was paralyzed in terror.

Time past. Jason opened his eyes.

The concert was going on strong. Jason was sweating buckets.

God! What was that?

He began to retreat, drawing himself away from the crowd.

Meanwhile...

"Impressive, TJ. The wave he was waving his arms...it was beautiful!"

"Remember, Landfill. That was just the beginning. Green Lantern's gonna be
putty in our hands real soon!"

Chapter 13: On with the Show!

by Impulse

Hendrix was on stage, playing a rippin' guitar solo, when Impulse, who was
walking down the street, heard him.
Purple Haze, all around!

Then, just as Impulse was about to go in, he ran into someone. Himself.

"Wait, am I you or are you me?" said Impulse-Real.

"Well," said Impulse-Fake, "I'm the Bad Imp, and you're the Good Imp. You're a
goodie-little two shoes, goodie-little 2-shoes!", and then with one punch, Impulse-
Real hit the ground.

"Clone. You did your job well," said Chemist.

Impulse-Clone then went into the bar and sat down with Wet Willie, who introed
him to Squirt.

"You're ugly," said Impulse-Clone and he walked off.

"Impulse never was this mean," said Wet Willie.

Chapter 14: Knurd

by Merlin

In his lab in the converted basement of Minuteman Comics, Cowman finished the
final adjustments to the controls of the now completed Ident-O-Tron. Mopping
the sweat from the brow with one hoof, he closed the inspection hatch and then
trotted upstairs, carrying the small hand held device. Although deceptively simple
on the outside, the Ident-O-Tron was in fact one of the most complex inventions
that Cowman had yet attempted and was made possible by harnessing a tiny
fraction of a Quantum-Plot-Device Particle. By exposing an individual to the
energy given out by the particle and measuring the echo, the device could
immediately spot any impostor, clone, shape-changer or dimensional double for
what they were.

Finding the rest of the building deserted, Cowman entered into the kitchen, where
he noticed a note on the kitchen table.

Cowman, We've all gone to the rock concert at Grendel's, If you finish up with the
Ident-O-Tron, then we'll meet you down there. -Dom

Cowman read the note and then picked up the concert flyer next to it. That was
certainly some line up they had playing, no wonder the place was deserted,
though he was surprised Merlin hadn't come and told him about it earlier. He
clipped the Ident-O-Tron onto his belt and then pulled on his trench coat, before
hurrying out the door.
In truth, Cowman was worried about Merlin. Scatterday had been harder on his
friend then anyone else realised. For someone with Merlin's 'condition', eight
months without a drink must have been a walking nightmare, but somehow
Merlin had managed to keep it in check and prevent a serious relapse for all that
time. However, now Merlin was back on J-Street, his body was paying the price
and the amount of alcohol he was having to consume in order to remain balanced
was frightening. Cowman just wished Merlin would let him tell someone else,
then he could try and get some professional medical help, but no, Merlin insisted
that it was his problem and that he would deal with it on his own.

***

Merlin sat in a corner of the bar, with a bottle of Whiskey and a shot glass. While
everyone else was enjoying the concert, he was wrapped in the protective folds of
aMythog's Unvisable spell, so that no one would notice how sick he looked. He
had been here all day, every now and then going back to the bar to purchase
another bottle, but most of the time remaining Unvisable so that no one would
bother him. It was no good though, he could feel the 'attack' that he had managed
to hold off for eight months building within him and it seemed no amount of drink
was going to reset the balance. He felt his heart begin to beat faster and his
eyesight sharpen. This was it. He was about to become Knurd.

* * * And now perhaps, an explanation is in order. There follows an extract from

the 'Discworld Companion' on the subject of the condition of Knurd.

"Knurd. Knurd is the opposite of drunk. It should not be mistaken for sobriety.
Sobriety is merely the median state; knurdness is a sort of super-sobriety. By
comparison, sobriety is like having a bath in warm cotton wool. Knurdness strips
away all the illusion, all the comforting pink fog in which people normally spend
their lives, and lets them see and think clearly for the first time ever. Then, after
they've screamed a bit, they make sure they never get knurd again."

Following an accident in his youth, Merlin was forced to live in a constant state
of knurdness, only kept in check by regular doses of alcohol. But during
Scatterday Merlin went eight months without a drink and now it was time to pay
the price. We now return you to your usually scheduled story * * *

Merlin screamed. He could see... he could feel ... everything. No illusion, no

uncertainty, just a horrible... clarity. He staggered towards the bar, still screaming,
the rest of the crowd ignoring the show on stage in favour of the one going on
behind them. He reached the bar where he saw Grendel standing. But it wasn't
Grendel. He looked like Grendel, but to the hyper-sensitive mind of a Knurd, the
small differences were all too screamingly clear.

"You! You're all Wrong! Like Grendel, but.. Wrong!" he shouted, trying to voice
his Knurd thoughts, but failing.
Grendel smiled broadly and without saying anything, punched Merlin full in the
face, knocking him into blessed unconsciousness. The Grendel impostor turned
the shocked crowd.

"Too much to drink." he explained casually.

This satisfied the onlookers, whose attention was immediately returned to the
stage. Grendel hefted the unconscious body over his shoulder and walked out of
the bar

***

When Merlin awoke he realised he was still knurd and (ignoring the ropes that
bound his arms tightly to his sides, the blindfold that covered his eyes and the fact
he appeared to be hanging upside down) began to scream again.

"He told you to tie him up, not torture him, Nemesis wants him in one piece" said
a woman's voice.

"I didn't touch him" said a second voice, like Grendel's but with a Latino accent.

A few seconds later someone shoved a gag into Merlin's mouth, which dampened
the noise, but did not stop him from screaming mutely into the cloth.

"Come on," said the woman, "it's your shift on the monitors again. I want to have
a go on Joe with the electric carving knife before you use up all the batteries..."

Chapter 15: Confusion

by Jason

Jason's mind was on fire. What had caused him to hallucinate before? What was
happening?

Then, he bumped into Hatman.

"Stephen?"

"Borelli, you are SUCH a jerk!"

"What?"

"You asked Gail out! In front of me!"

"Say WHAT? I didn't do that!"

"I thought Gail was behind you now."

"SHE IS! I mean, it wasn't me! I swear!"

"Look, just stay away from me, alright?"

Hatman walked in a huff.

Oh God, thought Jason. What's happening to me?

Hatman walked into an alleyway. Slowly, his features began to change, until any
vestige of humanity he had was gone.

"Nice work, Impostor!" said Living Landfill. "He still off-balanced!"

*Affirmative. By the way, I am sorry I impersonated the speedster.*

"Your wires were crossed," noted Chemist. "But now you remember we're
supposed to go after Borelli, and Borelli alone."

*Yes.*

"I just wanna know when we're gonna mix it up," grumbled Clone. "I saw three
little girls I'd love to put the touch on."

"Not yet, Clone. Tearjerker is still following Jason. Soon, he will be dead meat."

They laughed. Even Impostor.

Chapter 16: [Forever Untitled]

by Wet Willie

The House of Mystery

"Awright. This is weird. I left the bar about thirty minutes ago, but, in a way, I feel
like I'm still there. Maybe I shouldn't have left Eddie there by himself. He's sort
of--"

"WILLIE! Will you please take your mind off that kid?"

"*Sigh* Regina, he's not just a kid. He's my sidekick. And I have a responsibility
to him."

"Not while you're with me you don't. Or perhaps you'd rather not be with me?
That can be arranged..."

"NO! Alright. You got it. No more thinking about Eddie. Cool. Cool. Done.
Finito. E-"
"Shut up."

"Got it. Zipped. No...*ahem*. Are you almost ready? It's not like we're going
anywhere you gotta dress up for!"

"Patience, my friend. Where ARE we going again?"

"Well...at first I figured we could just go to the movies or something, but that was
before the dead rock stars concert was written in the plot."

"Wait. There's a concert going on? And we're not there???"

"Well...it'll be going on all da--"

Regina burst out the bathroom door, completely ready. "Let's go! Whacha sittin'
around for?!"

"Geez."

The duo got up and left. They headed out the door towards the concert.

[Contributor's Note: Willie is NOT at the bar. He's now with Regina. NOT at the
bar. Got it? Let's read a little more clearly, fellas. Or was "He bolted out the door
towards the House of Mystery" not clear enough for ya?! ;)]

Chapter 17: Grendel, Grendel on the Wall

by White Knight

Trying to pacify three 1/8 Daxamite kids was not a thing they taught at the
academy. So, the newly returned Michael MacTyson had to rely solely on the
power of his words to calm them down and prevent a Hell's Angel's Puree. The
Scarlet Dragon was mortified, trying to calm down the furious gang members,
succeeding only when he vaporized the leader's nose-ring without MacTyson
noticing it.

It was then when MacTyson heard Van Mocklingstricklenausgeseichnet's speech,

turning the Mayor's seat to Grendel. "Oh brother. And Van
Mocklingstricklenausgeseichnet hasn't even approved my budget! And we are not
within the Washington judicial system. Now I'll have to remember to ask Grendel
about it!"

He high-fived past Mighty Hank, the Security Guard-moung-men and approached

Grendel. "Mental note: Never, ever accept a high-five with Mighty Hank. My
hand was almost broken." Joe Grendel, new mayor of J-Street was coming off
stage while he was wiping his sunglasses with a red and white cloth. "Mr.
Grendel." "Officer MacTyson. How may I help you?" "Well, this change of
authorities has surprised the Hades out of me." What? Has he just demoted me?
MacTyson thought. "Things change, my dear officer. Things change." "Anyway, I
was wondering about some requests I made to the former mayor Van
Mocklingstricklenausgeseichnet." "Such as?" "Such as linking us to the
Washington Juridical System so we can have due process and..." "What kind of a
moron gave you that idea?" MacTyson blinked twice. He half breathed out-half
laughed. "You did. After you were arrested I..." "Stop smoking it so early, copper.
I've never been arrested in my life..." Not in this Universe, anyway. MacTyson
turned a shade redder. "Sir, with all due respect, I don't 'smoke it', as you put it.
Second, prior your ascent to power you were arrested for jaywalking (See
Pantheon Comics #10: Bar Wars for details). The charges were bogus, but then
you spoke about J-Street having no due process, so I applied to the then mayor
Scarlet Rob. How can you not remember?"

Grendel breathed in, deeply. He had polished his glasses to the desired shine and
he put them on. He smiled enigmatically. "My apologies, officer." "And third,
Mister mayor., I'm lieutenant Michael MacTyson. I have worked hard to earn this
bars, and I will appreciate if you spoke to me with the same respect I have for
your position." "Is that all, lieutenant? " asked Grendel, the smile frozen on his
lips. "Yes. Good day, sir." And with that, MacTyson turned around and left.

"You'll pay dearly for this, copper. You'll pay dearly."

And then, MacTyson bumped into Cowman.

"MooO MoOo MoooOO"

"What?"

Mr. Talkie (TM) did its job.

"I'm looking for Merlin. Have you seen him?"

"No. I haven't. Why?"

"I just wanted to show him my latest invention: The Ident-O-Tron."

"And what does it do?"

"It is a device that can confirm that you are talking to the right being. It can spot
clones, doppelgangers, shapeshifters and any kind of mystical duplication."

"That is an excellent invention, Cowman. I have professional interest in it. Does

the model work?"

"I believe so."

"Good. Tell you what. Whip me up another unit and drop it off at the police
station."

"That's good, Lieutenant. But inventors don't live on pasture alone."

"O.K. Send your bill to the mayor's office... no... send it to me. I'll pay for it."

Chapter 18: I fought the law, and the law lost!

by Joe Grendel

Backstage at the concert

MacTyson looked up to see Joe "Incubus" Grendel walking back toward him.

"I've just been thinking. Come back to the office with me, MacTyson. I have
something I want to discuss with you."

MacTyson's mouth went dry, his mind blank.

"Oh ... OK."

***

Elsewhere on J Street

Grendelio fell back against one of the chairs bolted to the bulkhead, laughing
hysterically.

Jo Grendal stuck her head in through a hatch, pulling a blanket around her, sweat
beading her forehead. The sounds of her and Nemesis getting ... better acquainted
had been echoing through the place for the past hour.

"Would you shut ... what is THAT?"

Grendelio wiped away his tears.

"A Richard M. Nixon mask, amiga! Now, THAT's funny!"

Behind the mask, Grendel narrowed his eyes.

Death was too good for this moron.

He glanced over at the inverted Merlin, wearing a Margaret Thatcher mask.

Jo rolled her eyes, and tucked a stray hair back behind her ear.
"You've got a LOT to learn about torture ..."

***

The offices of the J Street Tribune-Democrat-Daily-Times-Herald

Martin J. Uppercrust III sorted through the day's mail, hoping against hope for fan
mail. He tossed the remainder into a wire rack on Blanto-Dear-West's desk.

Darn. That made 382 consecutive days without positive reader feedback.

He wandered off to the soda machine, not noticing Chet's letter marked "TO
EDITOR!!!! URGENT!!!!"

***

The office of the mayor

Incubus slid the ledger over to MacTyson's side of the desk.

"You see? I don't know how I'm going to pay the sewer workers. And then there's
the Garbage Eaters Guild ..." he sighed, looking pained. "Look, when it was just
the Pantheon, I could see the old mayor ... one of them ... hiring you. But now we
have Starr, the Minutemen AND the J Street Task Force. They all work for free
and J Street hasn't got a successful taxation system yet ..."

MacTyson, his face getting redder, shoved the ledger away.

"Enough. What are you trying to say?"

"Officer MacTyson ... J Street doesn't need you any more. You're fired."

Chapter 19: Doing my job.

by The Jester

Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

Jim Morrison never knew what hit him. He was standing on stage, all long-haired
and hippie-like, spouting out supposedly symbolic rock lyrics about lizards and
incest and psychology and lust. Then, from the ceiling came a multi-colored ball
of Anti-Morrison fury. The Jester flailed away at his arch enemy, not willing to
give the bastard a chance to strike and kill everyone in the building.

Jerry Garcia started screaming. "Man! What are you doing that for, dude? Jim's a
righteous poet! Don't be laying your negative vibes on him!"
Morrison gasped for breath. "This is worse than that Green Lantern [penis]."

*Green Lantern?* Jester thought. "Uh, what's Green Lantern look like?" The so-
called rock god described Hal Jordan. That means he's from Earth DC. Jester's
enemy is from Earth A. Jester looked around him. Janis Joplin, Garcia, and other
hippie icons looked on in fear and disgust. He couldn't stand hippies. Apologizing
was going to really blow.

"He probably eats meat, the fascist."

"Fascist?" Jester said. "YOU WANT TO CONTROL WHAT I EAT AND

DESTROY MY BELOVED ROCK AND ROLL AND I'M A FASCIST?
AAAAARRRRRRGH!" He returned to wailing away at Morrison, but kicked
backwards, nailing Garcia in the gut. Janis Joplin started clawing at him. "FOR
ROCK AND ROLL!" Jester screamed.

Young Elvis, The Big Bopper, Buddy Holly, young John Lennon, and some other
rockers got up from their table. The rockers vs. hippies brawl had begun.

******The Mysterious Spot of Joe Grendel's Captivity******

"O.K., I've got the hang of it now," Grendelio said. He began to make Grendel
wear leg warmers--violently. "Next, I'll make him test spark plugs . . .guess how!"

"What's the other one doing?"

Grendelio smiled mischievously. "He's torturing fish--against his will!"

Jo Grendal rolled her eyes.

Thanks to Josh Cook and Billy Pence for torture advice!--the author

Chapter 20: Confrontation

by Jason

An Isolated Corner of J Street

"GRENDEL! CAN'T WE TALK THIS OVER?"

Jason was running. There was nobody around him. Yet, in his mind, the worst
things were being done to him.

"You've had this coming for a long time," sneered Joe Grendel, waving his sword.
"You are nothing. Nobody wants you here. Nobody."

"Hat! HAT! Can't you help me? Grendel's trying to kill me!"
"Nope. Sorry, Borelli, can't help you."

"Hank! Gail! Have mercy on me!"

"Nay, I think not."

"Hank's right. You are SUCH a loser!"

Jason began to run, only to bump into...

"CAP!"

"Hold still," said Captain Pantheon, grabbing Jason's arms. "This won't take long.
Grendel, whenever you're ready."

"Of course," said Grendel. "Borelli, I'll miss you least of all."

The sword went up.

No. Something's wrong. This feeling...I've had it before! Total, utter hopelessness.

I remember!

"You're not real! None of this is real!"

The Pantheon vanished. Jason found himself alone.

"ALRIGHT! YOU'VE PLAYED WITH MY HEAD LONG ENOUGH!

WHOEVER YOU ARE, SHOW YOURSELF!"

A clapping sound is heard.

"Anderson..."

"Impressive. You always break my hold at the most convenient time."

"Dunno how you got to J Street, but you're going down, Tearjerker."

"Oh my, yes! One man with the power of Green Lantern, versus one lady with psi
power."

"AND ONE MAN WITH THE POWER OF THE ELEMENTS!"

Jason turned around.

"Chemist."
"The one, the only. But there's more!"

*Greetings, Jason Borelli*

Jason whirled around again.

"Impostor."

*I have escaped confinement. You will die today.*

"How does it feel to be dead meat?"

Another turn.

"Mondi."

"Oh, please. Call me by the nickname you gave me. Call me the Living Landfill!"

"Hey! What about me?"

Yet another turn.

"Clone."

"Or rather, what about us?"

Five clones came from the shadows. He had put the touch on three Ewoks and
two tiger-people. Not only did they have Clone's appearance and mindset, they
also retained their respective abilities.

How the hell is this happening?

The ten villains converged on Jason. His ring began to glow. The battle was about
to begin.

Chapter 21: Confrontation

by Jason

An Isolated Corner of J Street

"GET 'IM!"

Jason had one option: retreat. He flew away, trying to put as much distance
between himself and the Unforgiven.
As Jason flew, Chemist grabbed a lamppost, transmuting it from copper to rubber,
then flinging himself at Jason. He landed on top of the Lantern, grabbing his
pants.

"HEY!" shouted Jason, as the denim began to change to lead.

Chemist was dropped, to be caught by Imposter.

Not good not good not good, thought Jason, as he used his ring to fix his pants.

"Borelli-" "Prepare-" "To Die!"

The Clones attacked Jason with their spears.

No time for this. Jason blasted the Ewok-Clones, transforming them back into
their true forms.

"RUN, DAMMIT!"

As the Ewoks scampered off, Jason was punched in the back of the head by
Living Landfill. As he laid down, he looked in LL's eyes. Just then, Tearjerker
used her power. Suddenly, Jason was transported back four years in the past.

"HEY! MY MASK!"

"Borelli? JASON BORELLI?!?" Have to do something!

Jason blasted Edward Mondi with the ring. The chemicals spilled, splashing
Mondi even as he staggered into the garbage pile.

"AAAARRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!"

My God. I didn't want this! What have I done?

In the blink of an eye, he was back in the present. Landfill's fist was eight inches
from his jaw. Instinctively, Jason caught the punch with a green hand, and flung
him several yards away.

Just as he was about to take a breath, a laser blast whizzed past his ear.

*Give up. Resistance is futile.*

"Oh, that's nice. I know the Borg. And buddy, you ain't th-"

Jason's attempt at humor was interrupted as one of the Tiger-Clones jumped on

Jason.
This one will be a little tougher to get rid of.

The ring glowed. The clone began to revert.

C'mon c'mon c'mon, I don't have time for this!

Stunned, the tiger-man staggered off. Jason was really worried now. He knew the
ring didn't have much juice left. He had to take everybody down at once.

THWACK!

Jason felt the fist connect with his mid-section. Impostor flickered back into
visibility. Meanwhile, Living Landfill began to spew refuse from his hands. With
a green claw, Jason grabbed Impostor and threw him at Landfill.

I'm almost tapped out. Gotta recharge the ring.

Before he could find a quiet place to recharge the ring, Chemist grabbed Jason's
bookbag, transformed the straps into mist. Using the last of his energy, Jason flew
away, unto the roof of the J Street Theater.

Safe. Now to re-...hey! MY BAG!

The Unforgiven (plus the other Tiger-Clone) gathered on the ground, looking at
Jason's bookbag.

"Hey! Lookit this! It's his power source!"

"I can see that, Landfill. Perhaps I can transmute it into tin."

Two beams shot from Chemist's hands. Nothing happened.

"It is durable, I'll give him that."

"Lemme pick this thing up- HEY! It won't budge!"

Duh, thought Jason. It's connected to my ring. Only person who can grab the
lantern is me. Fat lot of good it does me now.

"Guys, can't you see? There's six of us and only one of him! He's powerless!"

"Of course, Tearjerker! Unforgiven: attack!"

As the six went into the theater on the ground floor, Jason was on the roof.

How am I going to get out of this?

 Chapter 22: Final Fight
by Jason

J Street Theater

How the hell do I end up in these situations?

Jason walked in the darkened halls. He knew he was dead meat on a stick. His
bookbag, with lantern therein, was not at the ready. And five villains he really,
really pissed off in the past were closing in to seal his doom.

Jason hid against the wall. Just then, Clone walked into the room.

I got NOTHING! No ring, no two-by-four, no...what the?

Clone began to double over in pain. He began to revert to his true form...a tiger-
man.

Suddenly, inspiration hit Jason. he remembered something another Jason did in

times past. He grabbed his bottle of aspirin... the one J'Onn refused earlier. At that
moment, Chemist walked into the room.

Acting quickly, Jason whipped the empty bottle at the tiger's head. It connected
with a satisfying "thunk!" The tiger-man turned around, and saw not Jason, but
Chemist.

"RRRRR!"

"HELP! HALLLLPPPP!!"

As Chemist was at the prey of the tigerman, the other members of the Unforgiven
arrived. None saw Jason leaving the room. quiet as a mouse (or an animal his
size), Jason ran outside the theater, and grabbed his backpack.

Aw, man! The straps are gone! But at least I got the battery!!

Meanwhile...

"Can't ya do something, Clone?" "No! He'll be immune from my power for a

day." "Forget Tigger! Look outside!"

The fivesome looked out the window. Jason was recharging the ring.

"Son of a-" "Never mind. GET HIM!"

Chemist transmuted the sidewalk, and all five members found themselves
floating.

"Lucky break, Borelli! But you can't fight five on one?"

Jason smiled.

"How do you take out five villains with one blow?" he asked. "LIKE THIS!"

He formed a giant flyswatter, and belted the quintent of terror. But suddenly...

SHHRKKKK!!!

Jason looked around

They're gone? How? Who the hell was behind this?

Wait. Not now. I gotta rejoin the concert. That's another thing...how come nobody
came to help me?

The Unforgiven would later found themselves on Earth-B. They ad all but
forgotten about what had happened.

And yet, the plan had worked to perfection.

Chapter 23: "The Pantheon: Threat or Menace?"

by Joe Grendel

24 hours later: Thursday, April 20

The offices of the J Street Tribune-Democrat-Daily-Times-Herald

Skunk Girl scooped the proofs off of Jason Borelli's desk, stalking back to the
darkroom, her purple-striped tail whipping back-and-forth angrily.

"Don't like slanted shots? Nobody in this joint has any sense of style!"

Borelli sighed, rubbing his eyes. Why had he applied for this job when Willie had
quit?

Joe "Incubus" Grendel knocked at the paper's open front door.

"Jason? Is your editor around?"

"Uh, sure, Joe. She's checking her mail ... Mr. Mayor ..." Borelli twisted his Green
Lantern ring idly. "About that, Joe ... "
Grendel patted his shoulder in passing, as he walked toward Blanto-Dear-West's
office.

"We'll talk about that after I get out of my meeting. Stick around; I want to talk to
you about something."

The office door shut, just as Blanto-Dear-West picked up Chet's envelope in one
tentacle.

***

Somewhere on J Street ... You'll find out where soon enough. Really

"'ey, SCREW YOU!" Grendelio's face was red, his fists clenched at his sides.
"You never let me do nothing, Nemesis! I wanted to be there when those guys
were beating the crap outta Borelli! I woulda -- KPOW! -- smacked his fool 'ead
wit a stick, man! K-POW! K-POW! It woulda been cool!"

"Shut up."

"No, man! I'm TIRED o' talkin' your b.s. and I ..."

Nemesis knocked Grendelio to the bulkhead with a backhanded slap.

"You will do EXACTLY what I say. Your skills haven't been so valuable to us that
we couldn't get the computer, or even HIM," he gestured over his shoulder with
his thumb at the quiet Pantheoneer behind him, "To do your job."

Grendelio wiped at his bloody nose and said nothing.

***

Incubus came back outside, sitting down at Jason's desk. He looked around. The
two of them were alone in the newsroom.

"Jason, do you have time to talk now?"

"Sure. It's funny seeing you wear a suit ... say, what's that burning smell?"

"Oh, just a crank letter Blanto-Dear-West got. Don't worry about it."

"Well, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about."

"Jason, I think yesterday's chaos with the ... Unforgiven showed just how
dangerous the Pantheon's presence on J Street has become to its normal
citizens."
"Yeah," Jason's mouth dried up, and he blinked slowly. "I guess it has."

"Let's be honest, Jason: You could do more good here as a crusading

columnist than you ever could as a Green Lantern. You could change all of
society at once, instead of battling, heh, human trash heaps."

"Yeah ... it's pretty juvenile."

"Exactly." Incubus looked at Borelli carefully. This Green Lantern didn't have the
strongest willpower, fortunately. His genactive powers weren't strong enough to
overcome a, say, Hal Jordan. "I think it's time you grew up. Give me your ring
and power source, Jason."

"Uh ... uh ... OK, Joe." Borelli loosened his ring, placing it in the hand of the Joe
Grendel of Earth i. Then he removed the power battery from his pack and handed
it over.

"Thank you, Jason. You've become a man today." Slipping the ring onto his finger,
Incubus carried the lantern out, whistling a little tune. And that takes care of the
first of the Pantheon's heavy-hitters ... now we just have to figure out who gets the
ring ..."

A tentacle flung a coffee cup at Borelli.

"JASON! WAKE UP! I want you to write a special column for tomorrow's front
page!"

"Coming boss ..."

***

José Grendelio slipped down the gangplank and into the abandoned warehouse
that hid the Joe Grendel Revenge Squad's headquarters.

"I'm gon' get me some booze, some cooler clothes -- Pantheon Joe dresses like
such a tool with all these Hawaiian shirts -- and then a chick ... yeah, that'll be
cool ..."

***

The evening edition of the Tribune-Democrat-Daily-Times-Herald:

 The Pantheon: Threat or
Menace?
by Jason Borelli Tribune-Democrat-Daily-Times-Herald staff writer

J Street -- Yesterday brought further evidence that the time for J Street's
"premiere" superhero time has passed.

Notorious "hero" The Jester -- reputed to have links to the Lords of Chaos --
brutally attacked a musician performing at a rock festival yesterday afternoon.
Apparently hoping to stir the crowd to a similar level of violence, he only halted
his attack when it became clear public opinion was against him.

I myself, the self-styled Green Lantern of J Street, was attacked by a group of

supervillains from my home world, endangering lives and property, including the
much-beleaguered J Street Little Theater. In retrospect, I see that my years as a
superhero were an expression of selfish immaturity and far from helping make the
world a better place, actually encouraged more violence.

In that spirit, I have renounced my superheroic career, surrendered my Green

Lantern ring and power battery to the authorities. I encourage the rest of the
Pantheon to do the same, or to take their activities back to their home worlds,
which may need their attention. Certainly J Street, blessed as it is with the
presence of the Minutemen and J Street Task Force, does not.

If the Pantheon refuses their responsibility in this matter -- who can forget the
chaos wrought by the late Mope, whose powers actually twisted the flow of time
in our pocket universe, endangering its very existence? -- they should be subdued.

By any means possible.

Chapter 24: Tune In - Turn On - Drop Dead!

by TSRob

On the second day, the Live After Death concert was still going strong. Cass
Elliott had just finished her set with "Dream a Little Dream of Me", and the crowd
roared their approval.

Zealously guarding their blanket in the midst of the crowd, three young women
passed a clove cigarette back and forth.
"That Mama Cass is so cool! Good thing she went on before lunch. Geez, I can't
believe it - I haven't done this since college," gail said, taking a deep drag and
then passing the cigarette to Regina. "How did your date with Willie go?" she
asked, coughing.

"I'll tell you later," Regina muttered darkly. "Say, what do you two think of that
bizarro editorial Borelli wrote? Would the people here on J Street really turn
against the Pantheon? I mean, after all we've done for them?"

"Don't be ridiculous! That sounds like the kind of goofy idea some idiot Silver-
Age comic writer would come up with," said hellgirl, who hadn't spoken since
Chapter Two. "Now shush, you two! Karen Carpenter's on next! God, I just love
her! Oh, I hope she starts with 'Close to You'! Oh, and finishes with 'Rainy Days
and Mondays'! Oh, I'm gonna cry, I just know it!"

Behind hellgirl, Cowman worked his way through the crowd looking for some
grass (he was hungry!) when the Ident-O-Tron clipped to his belt suddenly began
whooping like a banshee. Startled, he unclipped it and whacked it on his belt
buckle to shut it off. "Must not be perfected yet," he thought.

Bumping into Cowman as he passed (and muttering bad words in Spanish), Jose
Grendelio spotted the trio on the blanket. "Whooooaaaaaah!" he thought. "Babe
triple-shot!"

Down the street, the Scarlet Dragon stood at a pay phone, holding the receiver
with one shoulder while he held on to Chloe, Zoe and Joey by the scruffs of their
scrunchies.

"That's the first Hell's Angel I've ever met who didn't enjoy having a Sno-Cone
shoved... hello, Daffy? It's Rob! Listen, the kids are really getting out of hand -
they ran up a heck of a bill at the junk shop yesterday - I really didn't expect to
have them this long - are you sure you can't get back today?

"Well... call me as soon as the floodwaters recede, okay?

"Love you too. 'Bye!

"Rats!"

"Unca Rob?"

"We have to go-"

"-to the bathroom!"

"Again? All right. Come on!"

The Dragon and the three little girls walked over to the line of port-a-lets at one
end of the block. Joey walked up to the first one and tugged at the handle.

"It's stuck, Unca Rob!"

"I think someone's in there, Joey! Don't pull on it..."

WRRRRENNNNCCCHHHH!!!!!
"What the #~@&????"

"Excuse me, Ma'am! Uh... I'll have this back for you in a jiffy!"

Mortified, the Dragon tried to replace the door his 1/8 Daxamite niece had torn
off, but it wouldn't stay.

"I'll... uh, I'll just try to weld the hinges!"

Holding the door in place, he blew a stream of concentrated flame down one side.

"Yaaaaaahhhhhh! Are you trying to roast me alive, you big red idiot?"

"Sorry, Ma'am! We'll... uh, we'll just leave you alone, then!" He grabbed the three
girls and hustled them through the crowd. "Let's go use the bathroom in Grendel's!"

Behind him, the hapless woman pounded furiously on the port-a-let's door, which
was now fused in place.

"Somebody help me! Get me out of here!"

"Did you see that?" someone else asked. "It was one of those Pantheon menaces
the Tribune-Democrat-Daily-Times-Herald wrote about!"

"Can you believe one of those... dragons would be permitted to take care of
children? Surely there are laws on J Street!"

"Somebody oughtta talk to Mayor Grendel!!!"

Elsewhere, (I know where, but I'm not tellin' :), Joe Grendel returned to
consciousness. Through the haze of constant pain, he felt something poking at the
stumps of his ankles. Looking down with great effort, he saw... Grendel Smurf!

"Hey, Jo! They're starting to scab over again! Toss me some sandpaper!"
Jo Grendal, who had just put a Celine Dion tape in the Walkman tied to Merlin's
head, said, "You finished up all the sandpaper! Here, use my emery board!"

Grendel Smurf caught the board - "Ooof! Thanks!" - hefted it over his head, and
began sawing from side to side.

"Aaaaaaah!" Grendel cried out weakly. "Grendel Smurf? What are you doing
here? I never killed you!"

"Ah, I just wanted to torture a big earth-toner - because I feel like it!"

"Will you stop that annoying whimpering?" Jo Grendal interrupted. She pulled a
dry-cleaning bag over Grendel's head, held it in place until he blacked out again,
then whipped it back off.

"I never get tired of doing that!" she burbled.

"Oh," she added to Grendel Smurf on her way out, "Get rid of his severed feet
before Grendelio gets back and starts tickling them again. He just doesn't get it!"

Celine Dion launched into 'Because You Loved Me', and Merlin, still hanging
upside down, began to froth at the mouth and twitch convulsively, slamming his
skull against the metal bulkhead.

Chapter 25: Honey, I Betrayed The Pantheon!

by Jason

The offices of the J Street Tribune-Democrat-Daily-Times-Herald

He sat alone. Or more appropriately, he slept alone.

Jason Borelli, columnist, had been kicked out of the House of Mystery. Then
again, selling out the people you worked with will do that to a guy.

His dreams were uncluttered, the usual, non-linear muck he'd always project. But
this time...it was different. He had done something wrong. But what? He was
missing something; it was hiding in plain sight. Somehow, something was
different.

He woke up. And the memories came flooding in.

I...what in God's name happened?

He grabbed a copy of the latest issue. He saw the headline.

 The Pantheon: Threat or
Menace?
Jeez! What happened? Who did this?

by Jason Borelli Tribune-Democrat-Daily-Times-Herald staff writer

Oh God. What have I done?

J Street -- Yesterday brought further evidence that the time for J Street's
"premiere" superhero time has passed.

What?

Notorious "hero" The Jester -- reputed to have links to the Lords of Chaos --
brutally attacked a musician performing at a rock festival yesterday afternoon.
Apparently hoping to stir the crowd to a similar level of violence, he only halted
his attack when it became clear public opinion was against him.

Doesn't sound like Rice to me...

I myself, the self-styled Green Lantern of J Street, was attacked by a group of

supervillains from my home world, endangering lives and property, including the
much-beleaguered J Street Little Theater. In retrospect, I see that my years as a
superhero were an expression of selfish immaturity and far from helping make the
world a better place, actually encouraged more violence.

IMMATURE? ME? Oh God...

In that spirit, I have renounced my superheroic career, surrendered my Green

Lantern ring and power battery to the authorities. I encourage the rest of the
Pantheon to do the same, or to take their activities back to their home worlds,
which may need their attention. Certainly J Street, blessed as it is with the
presence of the Minutemen and J Street Task Force, does not.

Whoa...I gave up my gear? Willingly? How? Why?

If the Pantheon refuses their responsibility in this matter -- who can forget the
chaos wrought by the late Mope, whose powers actually twisted the flow of time
in our pocket universe, endangering its very existence? -- they should be subdued.

By any means possible.

Oh man...how did I do this? Better yet: WHY did I do this?

Okay, let's go back. I was in the office. Grendel talked to me. And then I gave him
my stuff.

No No NO! That isn't right! Why would I give him my ring and battery? It was
like...I couldn't resist. But he doesn't have mind-control power, right?

Take a breath, Borelli. Okay, let's review...Grendel's mayor of J Street. I'm writing
anti-hero propaganda. MacTyson's not doing a damn thing. What if Grendel did
the same thing to them?

I have to go. Warn the others. I have to-

No, no, no, no, NO! If I reveal I'm free, I may doom the others. God, this is so
TWISTED! Grendel? Betraying the Pantheon? That's insane! He's a mean mutha,
but betrayal's not in his nature. What if somebody got to him, and blackmailing
him? No, that makes little sense. Grendel would blackmail others, not the other
way around.

The plan...God, this is so twisted. I have to play along...for now. Figure out what's
going down, and saving the Pantheon even as I plunge the knife into their backs.
I'll be hated, scorned, more so than ever by my one-time peers. But that's a
chance I'll have to take.

Jason wandered over to the bathroom. He splashed water on his faces.

I hope you're happy, Borelli. You wanted excitement? You're neck-deep in it now.

Chapter 26: Yer outta' here!

by Impulse

"WHAT!?!?! I'm banned from J Street! Joe! I thought we were pals?" said TSRob.

"Your presence with those girls has been trouble. I, as mayor of J Street, will be
taking care of them. Good day.

"Uhhhhhh... sur--- HEY! YOUR DAMN MIND TRICKS WON'T WORK ON

ME!!"

But then two guards came in and escorted TSRob outta town.

Impulse woke up.

"Wuh-where am I?" he thought aloud.

"You're in our power, Impulse," said the Chemist, "and we have an old friend of
yours here. Remember the Anti-Comic? (see ICBS #1) Well, he's here. Now with
a mind control power."

The Anti-Comic stepped forward. "Impulse. You are under my control."

Then, Impulse's eyes glazed over and evil thoughts entered his head.

"Now. Off to kill the JSTF!" said Impulse-Anti-Comic.

Chapter 27: The clothes make the man

by Joe Grendel

(By the way, Impulse: The Unforgiven have gone BACK to Earth B. It happened
only a few chapters ago.)

Elsewhere on J Street

José Grendelio, a bottle of tequila in one hand, a plastic lei around his neck,
wobbled into a shop.

"'ey! I know you, man! Nemesis -- Oops! Forget I said that name -- told me about
chu! You're the Crime Tailor!"

The little man looked up from his sewing.

"Yes, yes I am ... Mayor Grendel, isn't it? What do YOU want? I don't work for
superheroes ..."

Grendelio laughed uproariously, tequila squirting from his nose. Tearing up from
both the laughter and the tequila-induced burning, he shook his head.

"No, man, you're thinking of some other guy! I ain't from around here!"

"You come from a place where they all use fake Latino accents?" The Crime
Tailor put his hand to his forehead. He really didn't want to have the question
answered. J Street was proving to be almost as stressful as Central City. "Never
mind, what can I do for you today?"

Grendelio stroked a few ready-to-wear uniforms on the rack.

"'ey, man ... ev'rybody on J Street has soopah powers 'cept me. I need a soopah
power uniform ..."
The Crime Tailor leaned back in his chair, stroking his chin.

"You gotta motif?"

"A wha'?"

"Image, friend. Do you have a theme? A costume idea?"

Grendelio took down a brown hooded bodysuit with a long whip-like tail.

"I wanna be a tiger, man! That'd be COOL!"

The Crime Tailor glanced at the uniform in Grendelio's hands.

"I can give you that uniform for cheap. The Kangaroo Rat ordered that then got
arrested for Grand Theft Spoon. He's in Blackgate for a 10-year stretch."

"'Grand Theft Spoon?'"

"It was a LOT of spoons ..."

"I dunno." Grendelio pushed the uniform's tail against the wall, feeling it spring
him back away. "This jumpin' stuff is pretty cool, but I wanted to be a tiger."

The Crime Tailor smiled at this. He'd just been reading his daughter "Winnie-the-
Pooh" last night ...

"I've got an old tiger costume I could put the innards of that uniform into. You like
Tigger from 'Winnie-the-Pooh?'"

"YEAH! Tigger da man!" Grendelio held the uniform up to his chest. "And chicks
dig Tigger suits ..."

Chapter 28: And Our Shock Mystery Guest Is...

by Merlin

Suspended upside down, Merlin wished that he couldn't remember how long he
had been hanging there. However he was still Knurd, so he knew exactly how
long he had been hanging there, right down to a 10th of a second. The Celine
Dion Album, on its fifth loop, was still playing and by now Merlin had reached a
conclusion. He was going to go mad. He wasn't mad yet, but he his Knurd brain
told him that in roughly 2 minutes 32.6 seconds he would be living permanently
in the land of Ga-Ga. He also half suspected this was his captor's plan all along,
let him go mad, then turn him loose on J-Street to discredit the rest of Minuteman
Comics. From the snatches of conversation he had heard so far, it seemed a
similar plan was already well on the way to success with the Pantheon and with
both teams out of the way, J-Street would then be left with only the J-Street Task
Force to protect it (and then the multiverse would really be in trouble).

Two minutes (and 23.5 seconds) later, something strange started to happen. In
Merlin's mind the world began to recede, all sensation fading away until it felt
like he was hanging in a sea of nothingness. He opened his eyes. He was hanging
in a sea of nothingness. Or at least it seemed that way. Merlin was sure his body
was still hanging upside down somewhere, being exposed to severe music torture,
but now his mind was elsewhere.

" 'Ello?" he said tentatively into the void, "Er... is anybody there?"

Silence. And then...

MERLIN.

"Yow! Turn it down a bit; you're making my ears ring."

MERLIN. LISTEN TO ME.

"O.K., O.K.! ...hey wait a minute.... your voice is kind of familiar..."

YES.

"I... Oh my Gods! but.... you're... you were..."

YES.

"You mean... you're back?"

NO. NOT... YET. YOU MUST NOT TELL THE OTHERS OF MY

COMMUNICATION.

"O..O.K., you're the boss, but... I mean... why are you here?"

TO HELP. I CAN EASE THE KNURDNESS FOR A SHORT PERIOD.

"You can? But why, I mean, why choose to help me now?"

MINUTEMAN MAY BE GONE, BUT ALL OF YOU STILL HAVE A

DESTINY TO FULFILL. I COULD NOT ALLOW YOU TO PASS INTO
MADNESS.

"I... Understand. O.K., so what do I do?"

LISTEN.
"Listen? Right, gotcha, I'm listening away. You couldn't get someone more
listened than I am now. I-"

MERLIN. LISTEN. NOW.

"... sorry, FirstOne."

***

Somewhere on J Street (yes, that 'Somewhere'), the recently returned José

Grendelio switched on the Electric tooth brush experimentally, watching the brush
end twitch back and forth quickly. He'd show the other Joe's that he knew how to
torture someone. He into the room and approached the beam from which Merlin
was hanging. He blinked. Hanging there, where Merlin should have been was an
empty collection of ropes. And a sign. José leaned in closer to read the writing.

"Look up?" he read aloud, obeying the instruction.

From out of nowhere an anvil constructed out of magic energy smashed into his
head. José collapsed to the floor unconscious, and Merlin walked out from behind
the door. He turned to Joe.

"I can't take you with me now. Its difficult to explain, but if I don't get out of here
right now and get a drink, something... bad will happen. Don't worry I'll get help."

He wasn't sure if Grendel had even heard him through his haze of pain. It looked
like the other Grendel's had [bad word, sounds like 'ducked'] him up really bad.

"I'll get help." he said again, and ran.

Chapter 29: Bad boy lame-o's in chains!

by The Jester

Softly, like a lover's touch, there is music playing. A harmonica that nearly blends
with the breeze. If you listen closely, with, like, super hearing or something, you
might be able to trace it to the J Street jailhouse. For there sits The Jester. And
there he plays his lonely instrument, alone and without company. As he plays, he
thinks to himself. Man, this blows. I get busted for beating up stupid hippies. The
others that helped didn't get arrested! Some technicality about dead people in jail
or something. And since when did Grendy become such a tightass? Guess that
mayoral job changed more than his attire. Now I'm in the jail all alone. MacTyson
isn't even here. This really seems like a bad idea. I wonder when they'll come to
get me out.

******Elsewhere******
BOING!
BOING!
BOING!

Joe Tigger/Grendelio bounded about in his new costume.

******Elsewhere still******

Joe Grendel was being made to "play Prometheus," as Nemesis termed it. Jo
Grendal, the only one who wouldn't be mistaken for the Earth G Grendel ('cause
she's a GIRL!) was hot on the trail of the escaped magician. There was no
escaping the Joe Grendel Revenge Squad.

Joe Grendel's liver was eaten again.

******Back at the pen******

Jester had stopped playing the harmonica. It had begun to make his lips feel
funny. He sat, trying to think of a way he could use this experience in a story or a
movie or something. Then, out of nowhere (well, it was out of somewhere, of
course. Nothing's out of nowhere, except the universe. It came out of nowhere,
according to most beliefs. But you get the point. It's dramatic.) came a loud
CRASH!
From the new hole (must've been new. Wasn't there a second ago, of that Jester
was pretty certain. And that would explain the big noise.) stepped a lovely woman
in a bear costume.

"Brooke?" Jester said.

"Yes, but call me . . .POOKIE!"

"O.K. Pookie." Jester smirked.

"Come on! I'm bustin' you outta here!"

"What? How'd you know I was here? How'd you get here?"

"No time for exposition now, only 15 chapters left! Let's rock and roll!"

"Okeedokee, Pookie!" With that, the intrepid pair ran out of the jailhouse.

Chapter 30: The best-laid plans of mice and men

by Joe Grendel
J Street

José Grendelio, nattily attired in his Tigger suit, bounced down the street. Each
bounce took him a minimum of 10 feet in the air, affording him a good view of
the street, and scaring the bejeesus out of the air mantas that had come out at
dusk. Despite the cool transportation, Grendelio was still fearful.

When he'd woken up and seen Merlin was gone, he'd KNOWN Nemesis wouldn't
understand, especially since he'd found out about his little excursion earlier.

So ... what? Go to the Pantheon?

"'ey, guys! I'm here with a bunch of Joe Grendels, and a guy you all think is a
friend, and we're planning on killing you all, but now I'm in trouble with them, so
I thought I'd sell them out ..."

He paused, outside a well-lit house, watching as someone who looked an awful

lot like gail2 walked up the steps and inside.

What the hell ... he had no other ideas ... not to mention his @$$ was hurting from
all that bouncing ...

***

The secret HQ of the JGRS

Shadow Knight placed a boombox on the bulkhead, popped in a tape and turned
toward Grendel.

Sheryl Crow began to play on the stereo as Shadow Knight pulled out a straight
razor.

"My daddy always told me a story about razor fights ..." He paused, looking up at
Grendel. "Your daddy tell you too?"

Grendel cleared his throat, trying to moisten it enough to speak. He wiggled the
little buds of fingers poking through the stumps of his wrists.

"Yeah ... they're silent ... not like knife fights."

Shadow Knight tapped the blade against his palm, frowning.

"Yeah ... I hate it quiet." He turned and twisted the volume knob on the radio.
"You like 'Reservoir Dogs?'"

Grendel nodded.
"I have it on video."

Shadow Knight danced back and forth, nodding.

"Me too." He held up a hand. "Listen to the music."

And Sheryl Crow sang:

"You know you look all right.

You got cheap shoes, a Malibu,
And big public fights.
There's no one else I would rather be kissing.
Baby, when you start to bleed,
You look so sweet.
Everybody's watching you,
Cause everybody wants to be
Little superstar!
Well, baby, that's what you are.
Little superstar!"

Shadow Knight brought the razor blade flashing across Grendel's forehead,
spraying his wrists with blood. Shadow Knight shimmied back away.

"We won't be alike for too much more, a-hole," he flashed his razor around.
"'cause you'll be dead!"

The hatchway slammed open, and Nemesis glared in, his eyes blazing.

"Jo's back, and she couldn't find Grendelio or Merlin. War council time: We've got
to accelerate our time-table and take them all out NOW!"

Shadow Knight wiped the blood off his blade on Grendel's chest.

"More for you later."

The two JGRS moved to the control center to discuss their options.

"Well, there was a time

I would've hung around just to be seen.
Hey, man, it's a shame when you start to fade.
Diamond rings and sparkly things, won't make your shine stay.
My little superstar,
Baby, that's what you are.
My little superstar,
Honey, you break my heart."
Grendel began to work his blood-slicked wrist in-and-out of his bonds ...

***

The House of Mystery

Clouds drifted by inside the peeling wallpaper and phantom voices echoed from
the infinite number of rooms in the house.

In one room, the one whose existence was relatively stable, gail flopped down on
the sofa, a wadded copy of the paper in her hands, next to Regina, who was busy
watching "Studwatch."

"You know ..." gail began.

"SHHH!" Regina waved at her diminutive friend. "David Hasselhoff is

DREAMY!"

gail looked around on the floor, found the remote and zapped the TV off.

"A lot of weird crap is going on and all you can think about is Mister-popular-
singer-in-Germany?"

Regina sighed.

"This is about me going out with Willie, isn't it?"

"Well, that's about as weird as the time I caught Amazon flirting with Grendel!"
She shook her head. "But that's NOT what I'm pissed about. The whole
universe ..."

"Pocket universe."

"Thank you. Shut up. The whole pocket universe seems to be turned upside down.
Grendel's mayor, although he's as much of a fascist as ever. Borelli's given up his
life-long quest to be a big hero instead of a schmuck, J Street wants the Pantheon
to disband, The Scarlet Dragon's been sent packing back to Earth C ..."

"Can we turn the TV back on now?"

gail sighed.

The sound of boinging separated itself from the phantom sounds in the House of
Mystery ...

***
The secret HQ. I promise I'll spill the beans next time.

Incubus shook the Green Lantern ring in his hand like a die.

"I was going to give this to Grendelio, but as he's out right now, getting into who-
knows-what trouble ..." Glaring at the Pantheoneer, he tossed the ring to Jo, then
handed the power battery over. "You know how to work that?"

"I think so. Moira and our friend here," she nodded at the Pantheoneer, "Know all
about Borelli's ring."

Nemesis cleared his throat, Grendel Smurf crawling onto his shoulder.

"Jo, save the ring for a backup, since you haven't practiced with it yet. I need you
to warm the systems up, so we can be ready to move in a moment. Shadow
Knight, Incubus, er, Grendel Smurf, get ready. We kill them all ... tonight."

The Scarlet Dragon's nieces, held under a red sun lamp, squirmed in their bonds ...

***

Tottering back and forth on nascent toes and blood-slippery ankle stumps,
Grendel finally tumbled the rest of the way down the gangplank, rolling to a halt
in the empty warehouse.

He froze for a moment, listening for the Joe Grendel Revenge Squad.

Next time I kill these guys, I'm killing them twice over ...

Hearing nothing, he half-crawled, half-scrambled to cover behind some crates,

trying to figure out how to get to the door to the street.

***

The House of Mystery

Grendelio, dressed in his Tigger suit, bounced into the room.

"Hello, my name is Grendelio, and I need TP for my bunghole."

gail and Regina just stared.

"Well," gail said at last, "It's certainly a different look."

"'ello, gail1! Do you have some TP for my bunghole?"

"It's just 'gail,' Joe ..."

Regina picked up the paper, looking at the picture of Mayor Grendel.

"gail, has it occurred to you that Grendel has been acting somewhat ... erratic
recently?"

Grendelio bounced up and down on his spring-loaded tail.

"Are you threatening me?"

gail and Regina stood up, circling Grendelio.

"Looks like Grendel," Regina said.

"Doesn't smell like him. This guy smells of tequila. Plus he's wearing 'Canoe.'"

"Bleah."

"No kidding."

Grendelio bounced up and down.

"Wanna look at my weiner?"

gail and Regina nodded to each other.

"Hi-low?"

"You bet."

Grendelio, taking their nods for assent that, yes, they did want to see his weiner,
began unzipping his Tigger suit.

At that moment gail punched him in the crotch as Regina clocked him with a
roundhouse kick.

History notes that even as he was knocked unconscious by Regina's heel,

Grendelio was trying to look up her skirt ...

***

The Scarlet Dragon flapped his way down the street, scanning the doorways for
Grendel.

"We need to talk, buddy ... I gotta get my nieces back, if nothing else ..."
 ***

Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

The bar was empty tonight. Although it was the mayor's bar, no one wanted to
hang out in the Pantheon's joint. And the Pantheon didn't feel much like hanging
out with Mayor Grendel.

Hank sighed as he carried in a keg on each shoulder.

"Friend Oz, things are not as I had hoped they would be now that we are all
reunited."

"Reckon they're not." OzBat wiped down the glass of the jukebox. "But this can't
last. We'll get everything straightened out and things'll return to normal again,
you'll see ..."

Hank pushed open the door to the back room with his foot and carried the kegs
back.

The shadows in the room seemed unusually deep. As Hank entered, Joe Grendel
stepped out.

"Boss! I did not recall thine presence here!"

"The Mighty Hank, right? I've got to say, I'm glad you're back to normal,"
Nemesis' power kicked in, flooding him with Mightier Strength, Mightier Speed
and Mightier Resilience. "Killing you would hardly be worth it otherwise ..."

He leapt into the air, bringing a cruel roundhouse kick toward Hank's stunned
head ...

***

Shadow Knight's hand closed around OzBat's neck, then threw the imp at the
wall.

Ozzie BAMFed a few feet away before striking.

"What'd I do now? ... Grendel, why are you wearing that outfit?"

Shadow Knight's cloak shot toward the imp like a living thing. Too surprised to
dodge, OzBat found himself falling into the void.

"Oz? Tell me I'm not going crazy!"

"Hi, Hack. HACK?!" Ozzie looked around at the black void around them. "Uh,
I've got to go and rescue you now ..."

He bamfed out, leaving Hack screaming his name.

OzBat appeared behind Shadow Knight, who whirled toward him, firing with a
Tech-9 machine gun.

OzBat BAMFed away again, as the door from the back room exploded into the
main bar, a bloody Hank staggering back through it. His jaw appeared to be
broken, and one eye was swollen shut. Nemesis stalked after him, laughing and
breathing heavily.

"You fight well, godling, I'll give you that ..."

"TWO of them?" OzBat's eyes grew large. "I've got to go for reinforcements ..."
He bamfed out.

Shadow Knight looked at Nemesis.

"I can't track him. I'll go pay kevrhon a visit ..." He vanished as well.

Nemesis flung a bar stool at The Battered Hank.

"Just you and me, big guy ..."

***

Amazon's apartment.

Incubus knocked on the door, a bottle of wine and a bouquet of rose in his arms.

Amazon opened the door, Mickey at her elbow.

"Joe? What's all this?"

"I just thought I'd wine-and-dine two of my favorite ladies ... may I come in?"

***

Jeannie the Genie's bottle

"It's a bunch of impostor Joes, Jeannie! We've got to rally the Pantheon, strike
back!"
"Well," Jeannie blew on her still-wet nails, "The Pantheon's mostly gone from J
Street. I think I saw Hat slink off to Toronto on Earth C today."

"But ... but ... the Joes!"

"Oh, really, Ozzie ... you should have known."

"Huh? But Joe ALWAYS acts like a maniac ... What tipped you off?"

"Me? I don't know him as well as you do ... But I can always tell a person's
identity by looking at them. It's a genie power. It helps us keep track of who our
real masters are."

"Speaking of which, does Abdul Aziz have any weapons we can use against the
Grendels?"

"I told you: Abdul Aziz isn't my master, he's just my boss."

OzBat loved Jeannie dearly, not simply because the sweet redheaded djinn looked
an awful lot like Jennifer Allan, Playboy's September 1996 Playmate of the
Month, but the girl had no attention span whatsoever, like many immortals.

"Uh ... I'll bite. Who IS your master?"

"I'm not allowed to say. That was his first and so-far only wish."

OzBat tugged at his cowl in frustration.

"Can we GO NOW?"

"Sure," pink smoke began to envelop them both, "I think our first stop should be
to pick up Hatman and bring him back here ..."

***

Incubus handed a glass of wine to Amazon, smiling.

"Drink up, Amazon ... Mickey, sit on down next to me ..."

Chapter 31: More Complications

by AoAMimic

The House of Mystery

gail and Regina turned to the sound of whistling in the kitchen. Regina stepped
away from the now-bound figure of Grendelio Tigger and grabbed a handy
baseball bat on the way to the kitchen.

A figure stepped out of the kitchen. "Hey, does anyone want some-OOOF!
Hrrgh!" Gina slammed the figure hard in the mid-section with the baseball bat.

gail ran over to the twitching figure covered with the sandwiches he was carrying.
"'Gina! What are you doing! That's AoAMimic!"

Regina looked down on the man on the floor. "Who? I've never seen him before."

"Well, he's hasn't really been around much. One of those minuteman types."

"Ohhh.....what is he doing in here?"

Mimic started to raise himself off the floor. "I've been living here while I was
waiting for my mansion to be finished. You didn't notice me walking around?
Maybe I stayed in my...room for too long."

"What room?" Regina was starting to look confused.

Gail helped Mimic off the floor. "Um. Well, he made a beanbag room. The one
that says 'Beanbag Castle' over the door?" Gail shrugged her shoulders towards
Regina.

Regina rolled her eyes. "Your friends are weird." She walked towards the closet to
get the vacuum cleaner.

AoAMimic straightened out his outfit and started walking towards the door. "I
guess I'll go eat at Grendel's. I've got some business to attend to on J Street. By
the way, what's Joe Grendel doing in a Tigger outfit?"

gail looked down at the prone figure on the ground. "That's what I want to
know...."

Earlier that day....

MacTyson was pissed. He wouldn't be at Grendel's except for the fact it was the
only place he could get some hard liquor on J Street. The usual clients didn't go
there anymore, so the bar was fairly empty. He knocked down a few glasses of
scotch and pondered the situation. I took this idiotic job on J Street to keep the
law, whatever it is around here. So what does the 'new' mayor Grendel do? Fire
me! And now the residents are running rampant, the superheroes are suddenly
giving up or dangerous. It doesn't take a genius [editors note: no 'O' WW] to
figure out something is going on around here. At that moment, a hand slapped
down on the table and a tall man yelled for OzBat to get him a beer.

The smiling face of John Starr, in regular clothes, met MacTyson's eyes. "Well,
Lieutenant, I hear that you are currently unemployed."

"That's right Starr." MacTyson knocked back another scotch. "What's that got to
do with anything."

A beer *BAMFED* in front of Starr. He grabbed the glass and took a sip before
answering. "I was wondering, would you like to help in a case? I believe it's one
that concerns not only your current position, but the resident hell-spawned
bartender and the local heroes." Starr leaned closer to MacTyson. "It could very
well threaten the safe existence of J Street."

"What are you talking about Starr?"

"Out of personal suspicion of the recent...changes that have been taking place on J
Street, I've started working on some leads I dug up. I don't think we have the right
Joe Grendel here." Starr looked around the bar and noticed Joe staring at him
from the back room. "We can't talk about it here. Come back to the Agency with
me. I have Satellite looking up some information and Elastic is slinking around
town looking for clues."

The two stood up from the booth in the corner. MacTyson left some cash on the
table and they stepped out the door, leaving the bar relatively empty except for
Joe, OzBat and Hank....

Chapter 32: Fight (witty title? what witty title?)

by Merlin

Merlin drained the third bottle of Tequila that he had stolen from Grendelio and
then let the empty glass container drop to the floor with the others. He felt....
sober. It was a wonderful feeling. He toyed with the communicator on his belt,
wondering whether to summon the rest of Minuteman. No, he wanted to play this
one solo for the moment, no sense in giving the Grendel's any ammunition to use
in discrediting Minuteman Comics if things went wrong. He looked across the
street to Grendel's Bar, Eyes of Moleth (an obscure spell that he had picked up
from a group of cave dwelling druids on Earth B) letting him see what was going
on inside. There was just one Grendel left inside now, Nemesis (He had read
Minuteman's files on this particular alternate Grendel), and he seemed to be
matching The Mighty Hank! blow for blow.

Merlin returned the dog eared copy of the Oxford Pocket Dictionary of Spells (5th
Edition), that he had been leafing through, to his pocket. He flicked his derringer
into his left hand and cycled it up to maximum power, then concentrated on his
right fist, covering it in the glow of the Bruno's Fist of a Thousand Punches spell
that he had selected.

"And I don't suppose there's even the remotest chance I'm going to get paid for
this either." he said to himself as he stepped over the bottles around his feet and
crossed the street towards the bar.

***

"End of the line, Godling." said Nemesis as he brought the Wurlitzer smashing
down towards where The Mighty Hank! had fallen. Hank, dragging his mangled
left leg, still managed to pull himself out of the way of the attack. In reply, he
swung out with his right leg knocking Nemesis off his feet and buying him some
much needed time.

"Your just making it harder for yourself Godling." said Nemesis, springing to his
feet and once again leaping towards The Mighty Hank!

This time however, he never reached his target. While he was in mid-leap, a blast
of energy smashed through the bar window and connected with his chest,
knocking him backwards into the bottles behind the bar. Merlin jumped through
the glass and ran at the bar, jumping as he reached it to land squarely on Nemesis
prone body. He began to punch the evil (well at any rate, more evil) Grendel
repeatedly in the face with his energy gloved right hand.

"You O.K., Hank?" he said between punches.

"'Tis my pride that hurts more than my body," replied the Mighty Godling 'moung
men.

"And how about you, Nemmy?" said Merlin, as he continued punching, "No
deadpan comments left for little old me?"

Nemesis' hand moved so fast he never even saw it, but instead just felt a sudden
tightness around his throat as he was lifted into the air.

"No deadpan comments for you, Mage-boy, just pain."

"Hkk-" said Merlin as Nemesis tightened his grip.

"Take a step closer, Hank, and I snap this one like a twig," said Nemesis. Hank
stopped his advance, dropping the pool cue to the floor.

"How -hkk- could you be so -hkk- strong?" wheezed Merlin.

"Didn't anyone tell you, Mage-boy? I can copy other people's powers; want to
see?"

"Hkk- n-n-o don't"

"Too late, Mage-boy, I've got Hank's powers and now I've got yours as we-"

Nemesis stopped mid sentence. He released his grip on Merlin, who fell to the
floor, fighting for air. For a second there was silence. Then Nemesis began to
scream.

"You want my powers?" said Merlin pulling himself to his feet? "You're welcome
to them, but tell me, ever been Knurd before?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Nemesis as he ran from the

building.

Merlin turned to Hank. The two looked at each other for a few seconds in silence.
Hank got the feeling that Merlin did not want to explain what had just happened.
The silence continued.

"I know where they're keeping Grendel," said Merlin eventually.

Chapter 33: The death of J Street. Ouch.

by Joe Grendel

J Street

You want to know where the Joe Grendel Revenge Squad is based? Really?
OK ...

The Pantheoneer clapped his gloved hands together.

"Finally! Which turret should I take?"

"Bottom," Jo flipped on the switches, taking the system from standby to active. "I
want you to blow our targets away."

***

Merlin and the Mighty Hank! streaked down the sidewalk in the evening gloom.

"Where ... where ..." Hank limped along as fast as he could. Nemesis had
probably left him with a number of hairline fractures. "Where are we going?"
"And old warehouse on J and -3 Streets. Well, inside the warehouse,
technically ..."

***

Minuteman Comics

Squirt lingered in the doorway, rolling his eyes.

"These dorks are worse than the Pantheon!"

Wet Willie shushed him, hook to his lips.

"Don't say that! JYu's a good guy, and those women over there are goddesses ..."

"Oooh! I'm so impressed!"

In response, JYu pulled out a pair of pistols, whirled them about his fingers,
tossed them in the air like a drum major with a baton, caught them on the fingers
of his opposite hands, kept twirling, spun around, and fired around his hips back
at Squirt, spelling out J-Y-U in bullets.

"Kewl ..."

***

Jo pressed a red button and explosives wired into the roof opened up a custom-
made skylight in the warehouse roof.

"OK," the Pantheoneer's voice crackled in her headset. "I'm strapped in and ready
to blow these geeks away!"

"Great." The Green Lantern ring on her left hand gleamed as she pulled back on
the throttle. "You wanted to know why I was here, Grendelio? Fire support."

***

The Scarlet Dragon, still searching for Grendel, did a rollover in mid-air.

"What the?"

***

Merlin stopped, looking up in horror as a light roared out of the top of the burning
warehouse.
"Oh ... no! We're too late!" He whirled around, looking back down the street.
"Cowman! Where's Cowman?"

The Mighty Hank looked up in the sky, his mouth dropping open.

"Great Jumping George Lucases!"

***

Jo Grendal, the Joe Grendel of the Star Wars universe, Imperial privateer and
Corellian turncoat, turned the Belle Dame Sans Merci in a slow bank.

"You ready?" She asked into her headset. "Fire when ready."

***

The Wet Willie wandered out into the street.

"What's that noise?"

***

In the bowels of the Belle Dame, the Pantheoneer squeezed the trigger on his laser
cannon.

Impulse's Comic Book Shop (and Emerald Void's Cybercafe) was no more.

He fired again.

Abdul Aziz's Pan-Dimensional Emporium exploded.

He fired again.

Starr's Detective Agency vanished.

He fired again.

The House of Mystery blew apart.

He fired again.

AoAMimic's mansion, almost completed, burst into flaming debris.

He fired again.

Minuteman Comics exploded, a series of smaller explosions following.

Sighting The Scarlet Dragon, he fired again, blasting him from the sky.

***

Willie stumbled back from the burning building, covering his eyes with his hand.

"Squirt! JYu! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

***

The door to Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill slid open.

A bloody, hand-and-footless Joe Grendel collapsed inside the doorway.

"Pantheon ... J Street ... all in terrible danger ..."

Chapter 34: Hank Vs. The Belle Dame Sans Merci

by The Mighty Hank!

: J Street

***

: Merlin stopped, looking up in horror as a light roared out of the top of the
burning warehouse.

: "Oh ... no! We're too late!" He whirled around, looking back down the street.
"Cowman! Where's Cowman?"

: The Mighty Hank looked up in the sky, his mouth dropping open.

: "Great Jumping George Lucases!"

The Belle Dame Sans Merci swung through the sky, flipping around the make
another pass at J street. The ship streaked over the heads of The Mighty Hank!
and Merlin, blasting apart "Sweaty Hunk Estates" into a pile of rubble.

"Beautiful woman without mercy is right," said Merlin. Hank grabbed him.

"We must get thee to safety, magician," the godling said. Merlin spun around at
him, as another explosion tore a Siberian tiger in half and blew up a fruit stand.
Bits of melon rained on Merlin and Hank. Merlin and Hank ran into a handy side
alley. Merlin brushed bits of honeydew off of his head.
"I've got to find Cowman! We need his--" Merlin began, his speech being cut-off
by a solitary "MooOOmooOO!" from underneath his feet. Merlin looked down,
and saw the manhole cover.

"COWMAN!" screamed the wizard. Hank took the manhole lid in his left pinky.
Cowman popped his head out.

"Moo. MOOomooMoo moo moo MOO!" said Cowman, looking desperately from
side to side.

"I thought you were--" started Merlin. Cowman shushed him with a wave of his
paw.

"MoomoomOOMoo. Moo," replied the bovine avenger. Hank starred at the pair.
He didn't speak cow. Hank tapped Merlin on the shoulder.

"Mayhaps thou should take cover, till you can--" The Belle blew apart a building
adjacent to the alley. Rubble began to fall. Hank threw Merlin into the sewer,
knocking Cowman down into the depths. Hank then dropped the manhole cover
on the pair, as the rubble covered him from head to toe.

* * * Inside the Belle Dame Sans Merci

"I got him! I got him!" screamed the Pantheoner. Jo Grendal, in the cockpit,
adjusted her headset.

"Great, kid. Don't get cocky," she said, quietly, as the ship swung around the level
more of J street. Within seconds, J street was becoming absolute chaos.

***

Hank punched a Mighty fist out of the rubble, and brushed bits of rock and mortar
out of his hair. He struggled to free himself. His t-shirt was torn, his left leg
REALLY hurt now, and his eye was swollen shut. He looked at the pirate ship,
streaking through the sky.

Hank walked out of the remains of the alley. Screams erupted all around. Fires
were everywhere. Hank shook his head.

"Tis always SOME kind of disaster 'round these parts," said the godling. He
limped into the street. Bits of pavement exploded from the laser blasts of the fast-
flying space cruiser. Hank waited for the ship to make another pass, ducking a bit
of exploding sidewalk. He ran up the street, dodging scorched earth and holes in
the pavement. The Mighty Hank winced from the pain in his left leg. He ran faster
and faster, chasing the ship.
The cruiser was easily over-taking the running godling. Hank was fast, but not
that fast. The ship blasted apart the asphalt on the other side. It did a series of flips
in the air, streaking skyward, till it turned towards the street again.

As the ship banked in to make another pass down the street, The Mighty Hank
farted and leapt for his dear life at the small cruiser.

***

"A few more passes, and this WHOLE place will be in flames," said the mystery
gunner into his head set.

In the cockpit, Jo Grendal squinted her eyes.

"What the hell does that idiot think he's doing?" she said into her headset. The
Mighty Hank was coming straight at the cockpit.

"Who?" screamed the gunner.

"The Mighty Hank is coming straight at us," said Jo.

"But I just landed a building on top of him!" said the gunner.

"I guess he's tougher than you thought. You should get better information. Oh
well, he's just a guy, what can he do?" said Jo as The Mighty Hank landed on top
of the spaceship with a "THUD".

"HE'S ON TOP OF THE SHIP! GO GET HIM!" screamed Jo. The mystery guest
climbed out of the gun-station, and wandered towards the opening on top of the
ship.

***

Hank was holding onto the ship for dear life. Jo Grendal was flipping around,
trying to shake his grip. But he held on. He slowly climbed his way up the
structure, tearing hand-holds into the hull of the ship. The wind was blowing past
him, making it hard to see. Hank climbed towards the radar dish of the ship. He
grabbed it, and flung it at the sky, wrenching the metal and sending sparks flying
across the clouds. A small explosion jerked the ship. Hank punched a hole through
the roof of the craft, pulling out bits of wiring as steam vented from the opening.
Hank then crawled towards the top gun position.

Through the howling wind, Hank's Mighty Sensitive Hearing picked up the sound
of a hatch opening. Hank looked back, over his shoulder, at the mystery guest.
"YOU?" screamed Hank! The wind barely carried his voice. Hank could barely
make out the person's features. The Pantheoner said something, but Hank wasn't
sure what.

"I CAN'T HEAR A THING YOU'RE SAYING! DO YOU NEED HELP?" Hank
screamed. The Pantheoner shot a blaster at Hank in reply. The laser bolt singed
Hank's Mighty Hair. Hank touched the burnt spot.

"guess not," said Hank. Then, with grim determination, Hank tore the gun from
it's place with his left hand, holding fast to the ship with his right. Bits of plastic
and wiring and plasma shot into the sky, as the ship lurched again. Hank threw the
sparking bit of machinery at the Pantheoner. The Pantheoner dashed back inside
the ship. Hank watched the gun sail, and blow up what was left of Olga's Flower
stand.

Hank blinked, and stopped for a moment.

Sorry Olga, thought the godling. Hank turned back to the matter at hand. He
smashed two foot holds into the top of the ship.

***

The controls of the Belle sparked and snapped.

"That (off-spring of a dog) is tearing my ship apart!" Jo put the ship into a steep
climb, and set the controls on auto.

Jo ran down the corridor of her ship. She saw the Pantheoner open an escape pod.

"He's still up there! Where do you think you're going?" screamed Jo, grabbing her
blaster. The Pantheoner smiled.

"I'm going away," The Pantheoner said, jumping into the escape pod and snapping
it shut. Jo fired at the door, watching the blasts bounce off. She ran towards the
escape pod. When she got there, it had blasted off. Jo stood watching it for a
moment. The sound of pounding and exploding circuitry woke her from her daze.

Checking the charge on her blaster, Jo ran towards the top hatch of the ship.

***

Hank was making his way, slowly, towards the engine compartment. He watched
the escape pod blast off the ship.

Good! Nobody dies, Hank thought as he watched the pod fall to the ground.
Hank was punching holes into the roof of the ship, making foot-holds for himself.
It was a slow going, especially if your eye, leg and head hurt. Finally, Hank
anchored himself a few yards back from the blazing blue fire of the engines. The
ship was in a steep climb. Hank could see J street falling away. He looked up, and
saw the blackness of space ... whatever space that may be ... approaching.

Hank thought for a moment. Whatever he was going to do, he'd better do it now.
Even HE has to breathe.

Jo opened the hatch, popping her head out. She saw Hank. She drew her blaster,
aiming for a point at his feet.

Hank punched himself another foot anchor. He was standing with his legs far
apart. Hank then rammed both of his fists into the hull of the ship, lifting and
straining with all of his Might. The hull lifted slowly, sending electricity and
plasma across his body and across the surface of the cruiser. The metal shredded
in unkind places, bolts flying and nuts careening. Welding built to withstand fire
from Star Destroyers tore like paper, as Hank lifted and strained and screamed.

Jo's eyes went wide with amazement. She steadied herself, as the ship rocked
back and forth and shook. She prepared to fire.

The sweat pouring off of his body, his muscles straining, his eyes crazed and his
mouth screaming, Hank lifted the hull up over his head. Plasma fire shot across
the top of the ship. Hank shut his eyes.

Jo dashed back inside, as the plasma burned across the top of the ship.

The plasma burned away the remains of Hank's clothing and singed his hair. Hank
opened his eyes.

His skin was steaming, and it hurt, but he was still there, holding the hull up. The
engines sparked and finally exploded. The ship leveled off, then began to fall. The
piece of hull, acting like an air-break, sent the ship into a tumbling, horrible spin.
Hank lost his footing, and held onto the hull of the ship as it spun horribly
towards the earth. Hank mumbled a silent prayer, and pushed himself away from
the ship.

Hank watched the ship go screaming towards the center of J street.

Hope nobody gets hurt, he thought. Hank smiled. Maybe THIS would finally give
him full Godhood. Hank was free-falling, and having a ball, just being naked and
sailing through the air. He was grinning. He was enjoying this.

That is, till his brain told his mind that the pavement was coming up on him
awfully fast. Hank looked at the fast approaching street in horror.
By Odin's Beard, this is going to hurt, he thought.

***

Wandering through the brisk sewers, Merlin and Cowman were making their way
underneath J street. The tunnel shook from the impact of, what felt like, a large
meteor.

"mOoMOOmOOMoo," said Cowman. Merlin nodded in agreement, and they

continued through the tunnels, flash-light bouncing.

Then, twenty meters ahead, the tunnel and everything around it exploded, as if a
comet had hit the ground, traveling very fast. A wall of water rushed towards
Merlin and Cowman. In the confusion, the lights went out.

***

Merlin woke in the bowels of J streets sewers. Cowman was holding a flash-light,
and shaking him, vigorously.

"MooMoo. Moo. MOOOMoo. moo," said the steer. Merlin woke up.

"What happened?" asked the wizard. Cowman pointed at a 7'0", 350 lb. naked
man lying wet and unconscious on the wall.

"Oh," said Merlin. Hank then slumped to the ground with a wet "THUMP", very
very very much knocked out.

Chapter 35: The female of the species ...

by Joe Grendel

Amazon's apartment.

She held the wine goblet to her lips. It smelled funny. But Joe said to drink it ...

Incubus turned toward Mickey, another goblet of poison in his hands.

"Tell me, Mickey, everything you know about the heroes of J Street ..."

***

High above J Street

Jo Grendal hovered above the smoking wreckage of her ship, held aloft, and
holding aloft TSD's three nieces via Green Lantern energy.
Well, it beats dying again.

She watched as a distraught Impulse and Buried Alien staggered out of the
wreckage of Impulse's Comic Book Shop.

Secondary targets ... let's at least get THIS right ...

The two superspeedsters were snatched up into an emerald cage.

"Jason?" Impulse raced to the edge. "Uh, Grandpa, it's some blonde woman ..."

Buried Alien touched his hand to the edge of the cage. Frictionless. That was bad
news for speedsters. And yet the light rain falling came right through. Water-
permeable? What was this woman up to?

Jo brought the heroes and captives down to the sewage plant, dropping Impulse
and Buried Alien's liquid-permeable cage into the muck.

As the slop enveloped their waists, Impulse looked at B.A. with wide eyes.

"I think we're in trouble here ..."

Chapter 36: A tea party

by The Jester

Edited, cut-and-pasted by Joe Grendel

Pookie and the Jester were skedaddling out of the general area of the jail. Usually
wasn't a good idea to hang around after you escape. Under general principal.
Then, everything went all to hell. Buildings all around J Street blew up, and you
could see some sort of ship in the air.

"Aw, [defecation]," Jester said. "Quick! Across the street is Amy's house! She can
help us with whatever's going on out there!"

The Jester and his bear suit-clad companion rushed to the appropriate apartment
and knocked on the door. After a couple of silent minutes, Mickey O'Peigh
answered the door.

"Hey, doofus."

"No time for that now, honey. Where's Amy?"

"She's right in here. Come on, you two. Enjoy our little party with us. I'll
pour two more glasses of wine."
 ******Outside of The House of Mystery******

Regina and gail lay quietly amongst the rubble. Jose Grendelio BOINGed no
more. Mimic didn't stir. But then he did.

"Owwww. Power must have kicked in while I was unconscious. Someone near
must have a healing factor."

******Outside of The Pond******

After Merlin and Hank had turned tail, Nemesis slowly recovered. And he was
really angry. Really, really angry.

"Those little [copulators] are going to pay. Nobody [copulates] with Joe Grendel.
Nobody."

******Amy's Apartment******

"Such a nice little gathering we have here. The teddy bear, the fool, the
amazon, and the little girl. Three super-heroes and one little innocent. Which
of you shall suffer more? Who will beg for mercy? Some would say you,
Mickey. Normals are like that, right?"

"I'm not normal," she said, devoid of life.

"She's Mope's niece," Jester added.

"No, you pronounce it 'M. O'Peigh'--" Mickey started.

"Oh, this is just fascinating."

"--not--"

"What *is* that little one prattling on about?"

"MOPE!" With Mickey's last word, the room exploded as a lightning bolt struck
her.

"What in Hell?"

Captain Pantheon was there in her place.

"No, not hell. Valhalla."

All the other three saw was a streak as Cap flew into Incubus at full speed,
smashing out through the roof and into the sky.
 ******The Street******

Mimic stumbled about, still in a great deal of pain. "Owww, my head!"

Down the street, Nemesis did likewise.

"Why is my head hurting like this? What did the mage do to me?"

Then, 20 feet apart, they locked eyes.

"Prepare to die, hero."

"Don't think so, whoever you are."

Both metahumans reached into the meta-field their genetic mirrors looking for a
power to copy. Then the mirrors met.

Simultaneously, they stiffened and fell to the ground. Were they still conscious,
they would have seen the starship fall to earth ...

Chapter 37: I'm gonna git ya, sucka!

by White Knight

It was only sheer luck that had saved MacTyson and Starr from disappearing with
the Starr Detective Agency

Earlier that day...

Michael MacTyson stood in a corner. He had just gotten out of the Police Station,
where Mayor Grendel allowed him just to pick up his "World's Greatest Cop"
coffee mug and showed him to the door. The effects of the mind control were still
playing havoc with his brain. He walked to the corner, held his coffee mug with
one hand, close to his chest and remained motionless. Duck billed platypii and
pygmy marmosets passed by, looking at him. A family of platypii stopped in front
of him, studying him.

"euq atse odnasap?" What's going on with this fellow [Writer's note: the following
conversation has been translated from the platypii]

"What's going on with this fellow?" asked the smallest one.

"I don't know. Hey, look at his hands...he's holding something."

"It's a mug. And look at his face...he has a faraway look."

"Look at his butt! He's fairly cute to be a human" said the teenage female
platypus.

"Daughter!" glared the mother.

"Sorry"

"Maybe he's a man in need." said the male parental platypus.

"Nah! You know this species; sometimes they are lazy and want to live off from
others."

"We have the same problem with our species too. They are called 'sons'."

"That's not what I meant."

"Anyway,"said the mother "we must help this poor individual." and at his signal,
they all dug in their pockets and placed some currency in the mug.

After a while, the mental mist that clouded MacTyson's judgment lifted.

"What is going on?" He thought. "Why was I fired? The only thing I remember
from my conversation with the mayor was that he had to pay the garbage
guild???...and that the JSTF, (which neither I nor the former mayor never
sanction, by the way) could take up the slack." He kneaded his forehead, one of
his recurrent habits. "I don't like it."

He walked. He realized that he had his coffee mug and pocketed, hearing a
clicking sound. He looked inside the mug and found platypii currency. Puzzled,
he took out his wallet and shoved the money in. "I'm going to be jobless for a
while. Any money, even one with a worm as a president, is appreciated."

His attention was focused on the sentient newspaper vending machine. He could
not believe the headline: "Pantheon, Threat of Menace". And by Jason Borelli?

"This is not a library. Are you going to pay for the paper?" reminded him the
sentient vending machine.

"Sure, sure, don't get your papers wrinkled. Here."

"Thankew"

MacTyson took the paper and read all of it.

"mmmh! I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Borelli giving up? And who's got his
Green Lantern gear?"
He walked on a bit more. "Who can benefit from the disappearance of the
Pantheon? Few would say no one, since they are mostly goofing off while they
hand at the mayor's bar. But then again, they seem to fulfill a position in the
multiverse. I read on the police station's files the rarities of J Street and if
someone ever got a hold on it, it could mean a very handsome acquisition. Time
traveling capers, multi universal conflicts and stuff that you could only dream of."

He pondered once again. "Who benefits from it? Who?"

"I need more clues."

He walked past Grendel's bar. He half smiled and remembered a saying about the
Lion's den, and walked in.

Inside, while he pondered about the weird happenings on J Street, and eyed the
place carefully he met with another law enforcer working on J Street: P.I. Starr.

*****

Outside, exactly at the same time.

José Grendelio got his butt, (well, not exactly. To be more accurate, it was the
other end) kicked by a suspicious gail and Regina.

When MacTyson and Starr left the building, Merlin entered the bar and fought
Nemesis, who was kicking The Mighty Hank around.

When MacTyson and Starr were two block away from the Starr Detective Agency,
Incubus Grendel got inside Amazon's apartment with the bottle of poisonous
"wine".

One more block to reach the detective agency. Merlin and Mighty Hank limped
towards the warehouse where Grendel was kept. Grendel, on the other hand, has
escaped from the ship and crawled towards his bar.

"Hold it, Starr. Look!" MacTyson pointed at the bar.

"What is it?"

"A cripple entered Grendel's bar."

"So? You got something against cripples?"

MacTyson barely kept himself from applying an aikido hold on Starr's wrist.
"That cripple looked like Grendel. And before we left the bar, he was inside in one
piece. I say we check this out."
"Follow me!" screamed Starr and signaled Satellite to follow them.

"Gloryhound." Thought MacTyson and ran behind him. Four seconds after, he
outran him.

It was then when Jo Grendal's spaceship blew open the roof of the warehouse and
attacked J Street.

MacTyson, Satellite and Starr reached Grendel's Pond in time to see The Scarlet
Dragon being shot out of the sky by a spaceship who looked like something out of
a George Lucas film.

"[Sons of illegitimate parents]" thought. He saw the Dragon plummet to earth.

They entered the bar. MacTyson took out his gun. He looked at the floor, seeing
bits of skin, clothes and a tiny trickle of blood. He tilted his head up and looked at
the bloody body of Joe Grendel.

"MacTyson!" Grendel said in a raspy voice, barely audible from the nearby
explosions.

"We have a lot to talk about, mister Grendel. We must get you out of here."

"No...no need. This place will never be...destroyed by that ship."

"Why are you so sure?"

"Just because." Even with 30% of his body missing and with multiple cuts and
bruises, Grendel was as arrogant as ever.

"If we are safe here, start talking. Why are you feet and handless with several day
old injuries and just a while ago we saw you fully functional. I smell rat here."

"Indeed" said Satellite, looking around the torn place. Not even the jukebox was
in one piece.

Grendel eyed MacTyson, judging what was appropriate for the cop to know.
"Look, there are several universes..."

"I know that. There are multiple counterparts of everyone in the universe. Keep
talking."

"Well, I...found out that someone gathered counterparts of me and used them in an
attempt to wipe the Pantheon out of existence."

"Why?"
"Multiversal domination, officer. Crime doesn't pay unless it's on a big-time
scale."

A huge explosion rocked the bar.

MacTyson ran to the window and saw the remains of the space ship crash behind
some two story buildings not far away. He also saw a tiny fragment of the ship,
who looked like a naked man, plummet to earth and disappear beneath the
pavement.

When he turned around, Grendel had reached the bar and took, with a lot of effort,
his sword.

"Can't use my gun yet. No fingers. But the sword I can handle"

MacTyson saw Grendel. He was useless for a fight. "We'll talk later." He looked at
Satellite and Starr. "Come with me." And they left the bar.

Jo Grendal, with the Scarlet Dragon's nieces still held inside the cage, left Buried
Alien and Impulse to die inside the J Street sewers.

"Now I will take care of you, my sweets."

It was then when she heard, and felt, the cage explode.

"What?" she turned around an saw the three girls floating in mid air.

"Major miscalculation, Jo. The red sun lamp was inside the ship. The girls are
now exposed to the yellow sun of J Street. I'm in trouble."

"You're"

"in"

"trouble!"

said Joey, Zoe, and Chloe, while they flew towards the green lantern female
counterpart of Joe Grendel.

*****

"You're a liar, Joey, and I'm telling Unca Rob," said Chloe.

"Why?" asked Joey.

"You said we could punch her al least three thousand times! And I could only hit
her one thousand, two hundred and fifteen."
"It's not my fault she only lasted seven thousand blows!" protested Joey. "I wanted
to punch her some more too!"

"She was especially weak to head punches," Zoe chimed in.

"Yeah! Hey, I'm hungry."

"Yeah! Let's go look for Unca Rob," they all said and tossed Jo Grendal to the
floor. As she THUMPed on it, the ring and lantern fell from her hand and attire
and rolled downstreet until they reached an open manhole and fell, sinking below
the enraged waters.

And then, Michael MacTyson, followed by Starr and Satellite, muttered a pray to
God.

"Please, don't let this finish without me kicking the crap out of a Grendel. Any
Grendel will do!"

Chapter 38: I want it BACK.

by Wet Willie

The remains of The House of Mystery

Regina stirred. "gail?"

gail stirred. "Gina?"

Grendelio stirred. "Mama?"

"Joe. Explain. Now." demanded gail.

"Hey, man, I don't got no money!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I got no idea what's happening. Same as you."

"You're not Joe. Who are you? Spill it!"

Just then, another female entered the room. The curious thing was, she was naked.

"Oooooh." sigh Grendelio.

"SEPH!" cried gail.

"What's going on here?! What happened to your room?"

"Well, Seph, we're still not quite sure. You know how this room's connected to J
Street, right?"

"*Sigh* Yeah, I should've figured that'd be the trouble."

"Well, we're going to go find out what's caused it. Can you repair our room for
us?" The woman with the wit was not usually such a butt-kisser, but she realized
that the room she rented at the House of Mystery could not be replaced without
Seph's help.

"Sure, I can. But. It'll take time...and money." The owner and landlady of the
House of Mystery departed down the endless hallway.

"Fine. Let's go, Gina. Take this bad Grendel-wannabe with us."

"Wait! That lady got no clothes!" Gina knocked Grendelio over the top of the
head, knocking him unconscious.

"Why would anyone want to be Grendel, anyways?!" she asked.

"I don't know, Gina. I don't know."

The duo ran out the door to be greeted by the remains of J Street.

Minuteman Comics.

It was no use. Where JYu and Squirt had been standing, there was only ash and
soot.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Willie was still screaming. There was no trace of any life
in the building. Whatsoever.

"He didn't even want to be here! God. This is all my fault. PLEASE! STOP!
DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME!!!!"

Willie was not very good at handling his emotions. He fell to the ground, crying.

"Buck up, kid." a small voice said.

"WHY THE HELL SHOULD I?!"

"So I can kill ya."

"Grendel Smurf?! Is this a joke? Do you know who took away my friends from
me?"

"Yeah. I do. It was my friends. Now, I'm after you to finish the job."

By now, Willie was in a state of shock. He regained a certain clarity that you have
after a panic.

"But, this is just so absurd. Why are my friends gone?"

"Man, you're pathetic. Killing you's gonna be easier than I thought."

"Okay, little blue guy, I'll bite. Why do you want to kill me?"

"Actually, I don't personally care whether you live or die. I'm just doing what I've
been told."

"Why?"

"Look--I don't know! They're bigger than me, alright?! Geez! Just get on your
feet!"

"Alright." Willie stood up on his wobbly legs. He began to feel his rage returning.
He kept quiet about it, though.

"So...how ya wanna do this? The easy way?" Grendel Smurf pulled out a small
pistol. It resembled a miniature Tartarus .666.

"Let's do it my way." Willie lifted his foot off the ground and stamped the life out
of Grendel Smurf.

Then, the ship crashed. He looked down the street, towards the crater.

"YOU KILLED JYU!! AND EDDIE! YOU'RE NEXT, YOU HEARTLESS

BASTARDS!"

Chapter 39: Riders on the Storm

by redRicky

In the sewers of J Street, a traitor quickly disrobes. A cape, a mask, and a mantle
are left behind as symbols of a grand era that will never come to pass again.

Ax in hand, he zealously proceeds to smash the pipes above him; thus creating a
rustic shower which to cleanse himself from the bloodshed.

"You know the day destroys the night" he says to himself.

"Night divides the day"

Now fully naked, he wraps his arms around his chest while his head tilts forward.
Perennially unashamed, he continues singing.

"Tried to run"

"Tried to hide"

Next to him, an emerald ring entices him to smile. Still washing the blood from
his face, he clears his mind enough to bend over and pick it up.

After gathering his thoughts and pondering the possible alternatives, he whispers,
"It's time to break on through to the other side!"

Inside a recently forsaken warehouse, a chamber becomes luminescent.

The floor and walls turn liquid blue, and from its cascading ripples, a rose quietly
surfaces. Her petals, which seem to bring comfort to a delicate gentle figure,
swell. From the blooming rose, a Diva emerges.

The room turns back to normal, leaving in its wake a gorgeous sable-haired siren
wearing a cire long black dress. Her ruby eyes carefully browse the premises.
Instantaneously, her senses relate what has transpired.

The torture rack, that used to confine Grendel, is now devoid of life. Besides all
the blood, a couple of videos is the only memento left behind. They belong to
Grendelio.

Originally, he thought about making his enemy watch all episodes of Leave it To
Beaver; followed by slides from his family vacation; plus all episodes of the
Brady Bunch, and the movies; only to be topped with the series called A.L.F. He
never got the chance, and neither did Grendel Smurf, who thought of about
feeding Lucky's genitals to the food deprived Joe Grendel. Instead, they both had
to compromise with Incubus' idea, regarding a car battery, jumper cables, and a c
%#ck ring

This information hardly amuses her.

Slowly she levitates towards the center of the room, where a pool of Grendel's
blood lies. Without coming in contact with the floor, she carefully inspects the
sanguine legacy. For the first time in many months, the power of the Moebius
Effect is felt as the poodle of blood reshapes itself into a small sanguine statue of
Joe Grendel.
"Why am I not surprised?"

"Somehow, I knew I wasn't going to find you."

"I know you don't fear many people..."

"...And the fact that I'm one of them is very alluring."

"You could've been my consort and my slave."

"Why did you refuse me?"

"I would've molded you into something better."

"But now... now we have become bitter enemies."

"You know what?" she pauses...

"... I forbade them to kill you. You were going to be delivered to me. Only you
can help me find what I'm looking for. You and those eyes of yours!"

"The funny thing is... you must have been looking for it ,too."

"Do you know where it is?"

"Do you know what it means?"

"Do you want it?"

"What are your ambitions, Joe?"

"It doesn't really matter, does it? The Moebius Effect is mine to command, it
curses through my veins, and sooner or later, your hero friends will be retconned
into something only a Goddess like myself can appreciate."

With those words, the statue reverts back to blood and like a delicate summer's
breeze, she banishes. Her elegant visitation becomes an event gone by, for the
mere purpose of leaving a message.

"You had your chance, love, Moira."

A nearby alley is lighten by the flame of a cigarette. Amongst the fog and smoke,
a man's face is made visible.
While reading a newspaper, the familiar figure reclined on his Harley-Davidson.
He was wearing black reinforced motorcycle boots, jet black leather gloves and
reinforced black leather pants with extra protection on the knees, thighs and
crotch. His black trench coat hid his bullet proof red chest plate. Instead of a mask
or helmet, Ricky wore a baseball cap. The cap is burnt red with a black visor.
Because it is a Washington Redskins cap, the initials "R" and "W" are engraved.
The back of the cap has the more familiar redskin, smaller, but still practically
identical to the one seen of football helmets.

"One minute things are running smoothly and the next moment things fall apart."
said the man to himself.

Unshaken, he proceeded to trash the newspaper. Still visible was the famous,
Borelli headline, "Pantheon: Threat or Menace".

"I do not think there is much point on wearing a redRicky outfit. With all the anti-
Pantheon sentiment that permeates this place. Besides, the less attention I draw to
myself, the better."

VRROOOM
"Well, now is the time to fix things!"

Rick sped out of the alley, just seconds after he made sure his commemorative
Mighty Hank Beer Mug was safely secured. Seconds later, he came to a
screeching halt. The sight of a leveled J-Street was uncanny. Everything laid in
ruins. Everything with the sole exception of a J-Street Warehouse.

"Gee!!! I wonder where the bad guys were hiding???"

On his way towards Grendel's Bar, he passed in front of the rubble that used to be
Jason's apartment. After considering various alternatives, he decided to turn his
bike around. Five minutes later, he was deep inside the buildings wrecked debris.

"Borelli??!!???!!! Stay alive bud!!!!! I know you feel the city breakin' and
ev'rybody shakin', but we're stayin' alive!!!! You hear!!!! Can anyone hear me???"

"O-boy"

"This is going to make things difficult later on", after those words were spoken,
an emerald light flashed the skies of J-Street.
The front of Grendel's Bar was turning into an improvised MASH unit. Hoping
his strength would return, a brutally mutilated Grendel struggled to his feet.

Nearby, Wet Willie, who had relocated from where Minutemen used to be, was
debating the best way to come up with a Hat-signal. Both MacTyson and Willie
agreed they would be set if they could somehow paint a fedora on top of the
decrepit spotlight, they had recently unearth.

"Let me try!!!!" screamed Willie

"Hey!!! I know what I'm doing!!!! This is a classic 2000 watt Cop Spotlight!!!!
You could burn your fingers if you are not too careful"

"I don't care about burning my fingers"

"Look!!!! You already tried to draw a fedora and everybody agreed it looked more
like a boa constrictor that had recently eaten an elephant!!!"

"Har-dee-har-har. You can take your literally references elsewhere!!! Nobody

laughed the first time you said it, . . . . . . so take a hint!!!"

"That's because none of you know what good literature is all about"

Not very far from the bar, two figures exerted themselves in the arduous labor that
is bringing a naked unconscious godling to safety. The mood changed once Willie
caught sight of the man in the motorcycle. Carefully approaching the bike he
asked: "Do I know you?"

" I sure hope so!" responded the man. "People used to call me redRicky!" "Ever
heard about me????"

"You son of gun!!!!" replied William at the same time he shook the man's hand.

"I knew you looked familiar" "What happened to you???"

"I'll tell you what happened!!!!" screamed Grendel. "HE

BETRAYED US!!!!!!"
"That fraggin' son of a bastich let me out to dry!!!!"
ranted Grendel.

Ricky got off from his motorcycle, thus revealing an injured Jason Borelli behind
him.
Sword in hand, the angry Pantheoner closed in on Rick. "You are going
to pay!!!"
Rick calmly removed a Green Lantern Ring from his trench coat and placed it on
Borelli's finger. Borelli came to, about the same time Grendel prepared to strike
them both. Almost by reflex, Borelli immediately erected a force field around
Rick and himself.

"Grendel is right!!!" added Wet Willie "You are both Traitors!!! YOU KILLED
MY FRIENDS!!!!!!"

"NONONONONO" pleaded Jason. "We were under the influence of Incubus!!!"

"We couldn't help it!!!! Right, Rick????"

Ricky grinned, "That's correct!!!"

Chapter 40: I can't wait one minute more!

by Impulse

Hearing the explosions above, Impulse and Buried Alien, now up to their necks in
muck were now believing the impossible. They would die.

"Wait!!! Grandpa! When I went the Pantheon where the sexes were reverses, I
discovered a new power! I can teleport!" and Impulse teleported to the side of the
sewer and then pulled Buried out from the muck. All of a sudden, the cage faded.

"This can mean one thing," said Buried, "That the ring is off of that blonde lady!
Come on!"

The two super-speedsters vibrated through the walls and ground and came up next
to the bar & grill.

They got there just as Grendel, Ricky, Jason and Willie talking.

"That's correct!" said Ricky.

"What's correct?" asked Buried.

"That Jason and I were under Incubus's influence."

"Oh!"

Buried noticed that Jason had his ring on.

"Come on, Joe. Let's kick some Jo(e) Grendel @$$!!!! I mean, not yours, the Joe
Grendel Revenge Squad and the oh, you know what I mean."

Chapter 41: Carnage, Carnage, Carnage Chameleons

by Joe Grendel

The Tower of kevrhon and Marital Bliss ... soon to be a bachelor pad?

Joe "Shadow Knight" Grendel pulled Mari back down by her hair.

"Give it up, toots, White Knight's armor makes me just as strong as you ...
stronger." He glanced up. "I said 'take off the helmet,' old man!"

"Don't do it," Mari roared. "Devolve him into primordial slime!"

Shadow Knight jammed the broadsword harder against Mari's neck, a trickle of
blood sliding down the blade.

"Yeah, kevrhon, then we can go out and pick up chicks together, considering
you'll be married to a headless b- ... very good."

The helmet that linked kevrhon to the Lords of Order rolled to a halt at his feet.
Shadow Knight flung Mari away and stooped for the helmet.

It was at this point that a grand piano fell on him.

"Heeeeeeeere I come to save the daaaaaaaaay!" A phantom wind blew his cape as
OzBat perched on the piano and the fallen Grendel. "Reckon I just saved your
lives. And here you had so much to live for, mate, after quitting your J-Mart job
and getting somethin' better!"

Jeannie, couched in a cloud of pink mist, looked up behind him.

"Oz, I have to go ... my master is calling!" She dissolved, leaving her the imp, the
sorcerer and his wife speechless.

***

Lucky crawled out from behind a garbage can down the street from Grendel's
Pond Bar and Grill. As has been pointed out many times before, the small black
cat has a better sense of self-preservation than many Pantheoneers, most notably
The Mighty Hank, but that's hardly a comprehensive list.

He'd spent the past few days ducking-and-weaving, avoiding the touch of the not-
Joes who had filled the bar. Sure, they had LOOKED like Joe, SOUNDED like
Joe, even SMELLED like Joe, but they weren't him. That the not-cats had treated
the not-Joes like Joe just emphasized how stupid they all really were. Plus the
whole aforementioned self-preservation thing.

Lucky had come to accept most non-cats were blithering idiots, and as long as
they gave him slavish devotion, he had a soft spot in his heart for them. In this
way, he was much like gail.

Almost as good as slavish devotion was unreasoning terror. That was what the big
dumb purple dragon responded to Lucky with, and it was an endearing trait. So
when Lucky had seen the dragon plummet out of the sky, it had almost made him
break out of his cat bath. Almost.

Now that his bath was over, Lucky came over to investigate why the big dumb
purple dragon hadn't moved in a while. Lucky rubbed his body along the snout of
the unmoving dragon, sniffing at his closed eyes.

Eeeewww. The big dumb purple dragon smelt like runny French cheese and Brut
by Faberge. Lucky trailed off to the bar, hoping maybe Joe had chased off the not-
Joes by now, as he had a few months ago.

Behind him, The Scarlet Dragon's nose twitched.

Once.

Again.

Then with a blood-curdling AAAAAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOO! he awoke.

Sitting up, rubbing his snout with a claw, he looked down at his smoldering chest.

"AAAAAH! I've been shot!" He swooned back, changing from dragon to dragon-
man, his wound lessening in severity, then back to simply The Scarlet Rob, where
he only had a third-degree burn on his chest. "I ... I need help."

TSR staggered down the street past Lucky, not even offering to carry the cat with
him.

Blithering idiot.

***

Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

"This will be your second wish, oh Master."

"As much as I enjoy beautiful women calling me that JUST DO IT. I can't believe
accelerating my regeneration counts as a wish ... cheap genie!"
"Yes, master."

Jeannie blinked her eyes and nodded, a spectral sound effect tinkling. Pink smoke
swallowed Grendel's hands and feet, turning the budding baby hands into full
adult-sized ones, with a whitish-pink ring of scar tissue circling them.

He stooped down and picked up his Tarterus .666, two spare clips of protodemons
and his blooddrinking sword.

"Now, I KNOW you're going to teleport me to Jo Grendal as a freebie."

Jeannie, content to finally have two-thirds of her contract with this horrible man
completed, nodded.

"She's still at the sewage plant."

Pink smoke swallowed them both.

"I don't suppose there's any chance you'll be using your next wish in less than the seven years it
took you to make your second?"

"I wouldn't count on it."

***

Joe "Nemesis" Grendel staggered to his feet, standing in the ruins of one of the
many buildings Jo had destroyed. AoAMimic was nowhere to be seen.

"Ow," he massaged his throbbing temples. "I'm never going to try that again with
him. Next time I just slash his throat."

"Lucky for you, there will be a next time!"

Nemesis whirled around.

"Moira! Where's Grendelio? That idiot let one of our prisoners escape, and blew
the whole plan."

"He's gone. I was just at the warehouse, psychometring the area where La Belle
Dame Sans Merci was. The plan was a good one, Nemesis. Stealth almost beat the
Pantheon. Next time, we'll use a more diverse team ... which you'll be a part of."
She stroked her steel nails down his face, leaving small trails of blood. "You've
earned a seat on my War Council."

Moira folded time and space inward, pinching herself and Nemesis out of J Street,
and depositing them elsewhen ...
 ***

The sewage plant. Teleportation? WHAT? Sorry ...

Two shots rang out. Joe "Pantheon Joe" Grendel wasn't taking any chances. He
watched the protodemons burrow along through the screaming Jo "Star Wars
Chick" Grendal's flesh, holding her down with a foot on her solar plexus.

Jeannie looked on distastefully.

"Is this really necessary?"

Jo's screams rose to a fever pitch, and she clawed at her flesh, trying to dig the
burrowing protodemons out of her body, her fingers caked with gore.

"I dunno ... maybe next time the JGRS will kill OzBat first ..."

Jeannie rolled her eyes.

"Mortals ..."

Jo fell silent, collapsing back to the pavement. Joe kept his foot atop her, feeling
for breath. None. Her soul had been taken to T T in Hell. She wouldn't be coming
back.

"But just to make sure ..." He raised the blooddrinking sword and brought it down
with a two-handed stroke, lopping her head off.

He kicked it into a pool of human feces.

"OK, where's Shadow Knight?"

***

Captain Pantheon staggered back, black blood pouring down his face.

I have to hide I have to hide I have to hide I

"Are you HIDING?"

Green light lit the rooftop, sending the air conditioner the Captain hid behind into
deep shadow.

"Here I thought you were invulnerable ..." Joe "Incubus" Grendel's right claw lit
again with a fierce green light. "But then, you only thought I was a GenActive
mindcontroller ... no, little girl, I'm also a hellspawn ..." He pulled his shirt closed
with his other hand, attempting to conceal flesh with the appearance and smell of
uncooked hamburger.

"Change back into a 13-year-old girl, and I promise to kill you quickly, after I've
had my fun." He stood, listening. Mickey tried not to breathe. "ANSWER ME!"

Chapter 42: Legends Step In

by Mope!

Captain Pantheon's mind raced as fear and paranoia gripped him, a tide of blood
flooding across his left eye. He tried with all his will to reign above the mind-
control. "NO. There is another option against this kind of Hell-Spawn.", a
voice came through his head... a very familiar voice, that of Matthew O'Peigh.

Incubus Grendel lingered mere inches away from Captain Pantheon, his unholy
flesh emanating fear and discomfort. Incubus drew forth a claw, and held Captain
Pantheon's head eye-to-eye to his. "What will it be little girl?"

Captain Pantheon said "Something else." With that, Captain Pantheon grabbed Joe
"Incubus" Grendel, hugging him tightly to a degree that would crush most metas's
ribs. "EPOM!"

An orange bolt of energy arced from the sky, scathing Captain Pantheon and
Incubus in Pantheonic energies...

The orange mist faded away to reveal the alley, empty, once again...

***

J Street
Valhalla

Multi-colored rays of light shone throughout the ambiguously vague blur of the
Valhalla J. Street as pearly white architecture and sparkling gold streets distract
the eye from such mortal things as "details".

Captain Pantheon, his gaze temporarily diverted by the wonders of the J. Street
Valhalla, shrugged Incubus away from him, distancing himself from the
HellSpawn.

"Yea Verily. Well done, young one!" a Mighty Godlike voice intoned.

A 7-foot tall idea, not so much a person or a hero, but more of a concept, stepped
between Captain Pantheon and Incubus. The Mighty One lingered over Incubus.
"Have at ye, Yon Foe!", and with that, the Mighty Valhalla Hank picked up the
squirming Incubus, the Hell Spawn's flesh melting as Hank's fingers of light burn
into him.

Incubus is thrown, Mightily, across J. Street, landing on a White Sword. Soon,

Incubus is besieged by countless rays of light, by Valhalla versions of Buried
Alien, Borelli, Amazon, and many others...

In a blast of conflict, the demon spawn explodes, his evilness washed away amid
a blur of true Heroism amid the Valhalla Pantheon's attack. Within seconds, all
trace of Incubus's darkness vanishes.

Captain Pantheon stands, a little taken aback by the power demonstrated in front
of him at this moment.

A little being of light twirls out of the Valhalla Pantheon's glare, solidifying into
the 6'3" form of a man, vaguely looking like...

"Uncle Matt", Captain Pantheon said.

"Good job, Mickey.... Nice to see you", Mope smiled. "But I think you've got a
living Pantheon to get back to." Mope raised his arm, and with that Captain
Pantheon disappeared from the Valhalla J Street and the Valhalla Pantheon.

****

Captain Pantheon re-appeared in the skies above J Street, his wounds healed by
the power of the Valhalla Pantheon, and his spirit stronger than ever. Captain
Pantheon looked down at the chaos below him, and thought "Okay. Where first?"

Chapter 43: Just what happened to the Minutemen?

by Merlin

The Void, a Sea of nothingness.

COME.

Suddenly what had been empty space, was filled with a group of people.

"What the h-" said one of them.

RETURN.

The Void was empty once more.

***
At Minuteman Comics, or rather the rubble that had once been Minuteman
Comics, nothing stirred. Total silence enveloped the remains of the building,
which only the other week, had celebrated the opening of a new wing.

Silence.

And then...

SAFE.

"-ell is going on." finished a confused Eddie.

The rest of the Minutemen stood around him, in similar states of confusion. A
second ago they had all been in the building wondering what all the noise was in
the street, and now they were standing by a pile of rubble. But there had been
something else, between the two locations, that was even now slipping from their
collective memories.

"FirstOne?" said Dom under her breath.

***

At Grendel's Bar, some people were busy conveying the casualties to the Order of
the Overly Attentive Madonna, for treatment, while others took time for a much
needed drink. Leading the much needed drink party, Merlin stood propping up the
bar. The Knurd attack had released a lot of pressure, and helped restore his altered
body chemistry's balance, but he would still needed a regular supply of alcohol if
he didn't want the condition to return again. He sifted through the pile of damaged
bottles until he found another that had survived intact and then began to open it.

"Hold it right there," said a voice from the doorway. Merlin turned.

"Grendel! You're er... you're back!" said Merlin, placing the bottle

Grendel stood in the doorway, behind him stood a dazed looking Hack and OzBat,
who were carrying the White Knight's blood stained armor between them.

"You were planning to pay for that bottle, weren't you." said Grendel.

"Actually, that is something I wanted to talk to you about..."

***

While Hack returned the armor to the trophy case, Grendel examined the Ident-O-
Tron.
"One of a kind?"

"Cowman can't make anymore, the plans were destroyed in the explosion."
Explained Merlin.

"And just what exactly do you want in return? "Three things." said Merlin. "One,
I need you to get me that 'item' we discussed earlier."

"Do-able."

"Two, I want an unlimited tab at the bar."

"The rate you put it away? Forget it."

"O.K., no tab, but I want everything at half price."

".... O.K."

"And three.... take beef off the menu."

"What? Are you mad!"

"That condition is Cowman's and I'm afraid it's non-negotiable."

Grendel considered for a minute. With the Ident-O-Tron, non of his double could
ever sneak up on him again, and what is more, he could use it to track down other
Grendels...

"Deal." he said eventually.

Chapter 44: Coda, or The End of Year One.

by Joe Grendel

72 hours later

Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

"Yes, well," said Recessive Gene, acting associate-in-chief for the presently out-
and-it's-none-of-your-concern-where Temporary Guy law firm, pushing away
from the piles of papers. "Mr. Hack, I'm afraid Mr. Grendel is right: The bar is his.
You signed it over to him."

Hack spluttered with rage, almost spitting his drink all over the table.

"Chet! Tell them ... First, I was mind-controlled by Incubus. Second, I signed it
over to him, not to this Joe Grendel!"
Recessive Gene looked a trifle embarrassed.

"Er, I'm a trifle embarrassed," he explained, needlessly. "It seems the wizard who
founded J Street, Pierre L'Enfant, was rather fond of mind control. Used it all the
time. Had it written into First Law here as a legally acceptable practice."

Hack fumed.

"And as for the multiple incarnations ... neither of us were here at that point, but
apparently a legal precedent, created to deal with the Joe Corps, was established
to say that all possible incarnations of a being only exist as one on J Street legally.
The Joe Corps only get one vote, and you signed over the bar to all Joe Grendels."
Recessive Gene shrugged. [See "Pantheon Comics" #5]

Grendel looked from Hack to Chet.

"Look, it hasn't been that bad having you two here for the past few months,"
[Since "Pantheon Comics" #10] he said. "I'll tell you what, you two can work for
me!"

Hack threw his drink in Grendel's face and stormed out, a sheepish Chet trailing
him.

Grendel took a napkin from OzBat's hand and wiped his face off.

"Or not ..."

***

The ruins of Impulse's Comic Book Shop

Impulse and Buried Alien streaked through the wreckage, trying to find
salvageable comics. They'd be able to clear away enough debris to get things
going again soon, assuming they had some stock to sell. Which didn't look likely
at present.

"Excuse me?"

The speedsters turned around, finding a quiet Abdul Aziz, briefcase in hand,
standing on the sidewalk.

"Yeah?"

"I assume you know my Pan-Dimensional Emporium was destroyed by the Joe
Grendel Revenge Squad. Jeannie has repaired my shop, but my merchandise is
ruined. What I do have, though, is quite a large bank account. I was wondering if
we could help each other."

Buried Alien looked at Impulse, then back at Abdul Aziz.

"Oh? How?"

"The J Street Task Force is known for their ability to acquire quite ... unusual
artifacts. I hoped you could apply those skills on my behalf. The pay would be
quite considerable, and would allow you the ability to replenish your stock as well
..."

***

Minuteman Comics

Wet Willie shoved Merlin up against a wall.

"What do you mean, 'they weren't with us?'"

Dom pulled the Pantheoneer off Merlin.

"Look, we're worried about JYu ourselves. We don't know where Eddie and JYu
are. We thought the FirstOne sent them back with us ..."

"... but he didn't." Wet Willie shook the Minuteman leader off him. "Stay away
from me, Minutemen, if you know what's good for you ..."

***

Elsewhen

In the land of barely dressed, well-toned Amazonian women with strawberry

blonde hair (except for those of Korean extraction), the annual Get Naked And Do
Upside-Down Margaritas Festival was disturbed by a crashing sound in the jungle
nearby.

The naked amazons scrambled to their spears holding them before them, their
coconut-oiled skin gleaming in the sunlight.

Out of the jungle bounced ... a man in a tiger suit.

Grendelio looked from woman to woman to woman.

"Wanna see my wiener?"

The amazons fell to their knees, prostrating themselves before him.

"The Tiger God, Great Lord of Fertility! He has sent an avatar to us to replenish
the population!"

José Grendelio, the Joe Grendel of Margaritaville, and the man who had ruined
the plans of the Joe Grendel Revenge Squad and Moira, thought about this for a
moment, comparing a ritual duty to have sex with dozens of hardbody women
with a slow and incredibly painful death at the hands of Nemesis and Moira.

After about two minutes, he decided in favor of the amazons.

"Kewl ..."

***

Elsewhen again.

The silver satellite hovered over a planet third from its sun, 92 million miles
away. But nothing lived on this shattered globe. Someone had brought a
wormhole in through a twist in space/time, antimatter spraying across the
atmosphere, detonating the very atoms, blasting the surface of the planet once
known as Earth clean.

In the satellite, Moira walked slowly to the end of table with a reflective, smoked-
glass surface. Sitting in the enormous black leather chair at one end, she sighed
contentedly. She held a hand out, gesturing to a seat marked "Joe Grendel" at her
left hand.

"Nemesis. Sit. You've earned the right. You now sit in the Joe Grendel chair on
my War Council." She looked to the far end. "As N'harr does with the White
Knight chair. The redRicky chair may soon be filled, as may the gail and Hatman
ones. We're halfway to creating the team that will bring the multiverse to its knees
..."

***

The bar

Johannes turned away from Grendel, stalking to the other end of the bar, tempted
to knock the pile of glasses OzBat was polishing to the floor. Seeing the Mighty
Hank eye him, he decided against it.

"You want me to be grateful? Thank you for making me mayor again, Mr.
Grendel! But J Street was almost destroyed, people died, immeasurable property
damage was done because of supervillains who came gunning for you and your
friends." He marched to the doorway and glared back in. "The Pantheon had
better do a better job protecting us, or I'll send you all packing."

He slammed the door shut behind him.

Grendel sighed, resting his forehead on his hands.

"I never even wanted to be part of any stupid Pantheon ..."

Hatman, TSRob (still in human form, healing slowly) and Jason Borelli sat in
silence, their drinks untouched before them. Grendel stood up, wincing at the
weight put on his still-tender ankles. He walked to the back room, opening the
door and looking at OzBat.

"I'm going to take the rest of the day off, OK? You keep an eye on things down
here."

Borelli glanced over at Hatman.

"Moira, huh?" He grinned unhappily. "Hard to believe none of us figured out

Incubus was an impostor."

"That, friend Jason," the bouncer boomed quietly in his Mighty loud voice, "Is
because Incubus was a Joe Grendel. They're all the same person, each of whom
hath just gone a slightly different way in life."

Borelli drummed his fingers on his "J Files" notebook, glancing at the closed door
leading to the apartments upstairs.

"I wonder if there are any Joe Grendels out there who are pure good, instead of
pure evil."

Hatman glanced at Pureheart's sword, resting in the trophy case with the White
Knight's armor.

"Yeah ... there are."

Jesse, playing a game of pool with Amazon and Mickey, lay his cue stick against
one wall and walked over to the jukebox.

He flipped through the CDs available in the new Wurlitzer, and chose a tune from
Jill Sobule's "Happy Town":

"I feel like an outline

Where the middle part is missing
And the moonlight is kissing
 The details away.
I feel like a Cliffnote
To a novel no one can read
And I feel like such a phony
Like I got 'em all deceived
And I feel like a punch line
Nobody gets
I bet that you're laughing and shaking your head

I sold my soul

I feel like an outline

To a picture you started to paint
Now the sunlight is fading
The colors away
How's it feel to have insides?
Something to hold I wish I could touch you
How could I know
When I sold my soul

Just a big black hole."

The End

Next issue: Who is Moira? How is she responsible for the formation of the
Pantheon and what does her return mean for the future? And how did these misfit
heroes first gather as superteam known as the Pantheon? And the Moebius Effect,
what's up with that?

For the answers to these questions, as well as parts of King Kong's anatomy and
REALLY big cans of soda, be here next issue for ...

Pantheon: Year One!