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PLAYS FOR YOUNG AUDIENCES

A PARTNERSHIP OF SEATTLE CHILDREN’S THEATRE AND CHILDREN’S THEATRE COMPANY-MINNEAPOLIS


2400 THIRD AVENUE SOUTH
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA 55404
612-872-5108
FAX 612-874-8119
www.playsforyoungaudiences.org

Bunnicula
Story by
Deborah and James Howe

Adapted for the Stage by


Jon Klein

Music by
Chris Jeffries

Bunnicula was first presented by Seattle Children’s Theatre for the 1996-97 season.

The license issued in connection with PYA perusal scripts is a limited license, and is issued for the sole purpose of
reviewing the script for a potential future performance. All other rights regarding perusal scripts are expressly
reserved by Plays for Young Audiences, including, but not limited to, the rights to distribute, perform, copy or alter
scripts. This limited license does not convey any performance rights of any kind with this material. By accepting any
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CHARACTERS: (2 men, 2 women, 2 boys, 1 puppet)

In order of appearance:

Harold—a male dog (played by male)

Chester—a male cat (played by female)

Robert Monroe

Ann Monroe—his wife

Pete—their son, age 10

Toby—their son, age 8

Bunnicula—a mysterious rabbit (a puppet)

PRODUCTION OF NOTES

The four human members of the Monroe family are presented in a somewhat stylized way—as befits their function in
the story from the animals’ point of view. Therefore, Mr. Monroe, his wife and their two boys all wear masks and costumes that
emphasize (perhaps even over-emphasize) their “humanoid” qualities. They might even wear tall shoes, to give them extra
height. Their behavior can also be slightly exaggerated—again, seen from the perspectives of a dog and cat.

Bunnicula himself is a large puppet, more in scale with the other animals than with the Monroe family. A puppeteer
accompanies him around the stage.

Most importantly, since Harold and Chester behave in the most detailed and psychologically “human” ways, they
should not be given animal costumes with big ears and tails. Rather, their clothes should be that of ordinary humans, with the
smallest of concessions to their bestial identities.
In addition, the actors playing Harold and Chester should refrain from animal behavior. No barking, meowing, wagging,
hissing, etc. And nothing that would render them undignified, or aware of their own animal natures. Instead, the subtlest “human”
gestures or postures should be employed to suggest moments when the audience is reminded that they’re animals. But they
never think of themselves that way.

The visual style of the play should also reflect Harold and Chester’s perspectives. All furniture and household settings
should be slightly overlarge. It takes a little extra effort for the pets to climb into a chair, for example. But exact scale would be
impractical and distracting, as well as impossible for the human characters. Suggestion is sufficient.

Finally, I want to encourage improvisation in all portrayals, to come up with the right stylistic balance. Remember, the
story is told from Harold and Chester’s point of view. The styles and production elements should reflect that.
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LIGHTS UP on a comfortable suburban home, in the midst of a rainstorm.


WIND and RAIN are heard from outside the house.

In the living room area, CHESTER is curled up comfortably on an oversized


armchair. HAROLD warms himself by the fireplace.

HAROLD addresses the audience, imitating Bela Lugosi in his first words.

HAROLD
“Good evening.”

THUNDER from outside.

On the other hand, it’s not a very good evening, is it? Outside, that is. The wind and rain are rather ferocious. But here in the
Monroe house it’s warm and safe. A good place to be on a night like this.

HAROLD steps forward.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Harold. My full-time occupation is dog. I live with Mr. and Mrs. Monroe, and their two
sons, Pete and Toby.

CHESTER hacks slightly. He goes back to sleep.

Oh yes, our home is shared by a cat named Chester. Whom I am pleased to call my friend.

HAROLD sits on a large beanbag chair. Although it’s a doggie bed, he sits in
it like any human being.

But this house is also occupied by another creature. Who appeared in our midst on a night much like this.

HAROLD focuses on the wall.

THUNDER is heard as the storm intensifies.

CHESTER blinks his eyes open and smirks at HAROLD’s concentration.

CHESTER
What are you doing?

HAROLD
Just obeying my orders. While the humans are gone.

CHESTER
They told you to stare at the wall?

HAROLD
They told me to watch the house.

CHESTER
They didn’t mean literally.
HAROLD
They didn’t?

CHESTER
Of course not. You’re just supposed to keep strangers out.

HAROLD
How do I do that?

CHESTER
I don’t know. You’re the watchdog. Bark or something.
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HAROLD
Oh. I get it.
HAROLD “barks” at the door.

Hey! Hey! Stay outta here!

CHESTER
Not now. When you hear a noise.

HAROLD
Oh.
He settles into the beanbag.
Why can’t they be more precise?

CHESTER

You know the humans. They’re just trying to give us a sense of purpose. Like saying, “Be good, Chester.”

HAROLD
Or “Stay, Harold!”

CHESTER
Exactly.
He freezes.

Hold everything.

HAROLD
What’s wrong?

CHESTER
Flea in my ear.
He scratches furiously.

Got him!

HAROLD
You’re shedding again, you know.

CHESTER
So what?

HAROLD

Remember the last time you got cat hair on that chair?

CHESTER sits up, disturbed by the memory.

CHESTER
The vacuum cleaner.

HAROLD
(to the audience)
There’s nothing scarier.

CHESTER
Well, I say a little loose hair is a small price to pay for the privilege of owning a cat.

HAROLD
They say some humans don’t even like animals.

CHESTER
You’re right, Harold. Statistics show that many families will never know the pride and joy of owning a pet.
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MUSIC begins, introducing the song “PET IN THE HOUSE.” This is a lively
number, in sort of a Gilbert and Sullivan style. Chester and Harold sing.

CHESTER
We know the hist’ry of civilization
From Ancient Greece to the Isle of Wight
But it all boils down to domestication
Of animals that no longer bite.

HAROLD
Dogs and cats and turtles and parrots
Mice and chimps and rabbits and ferrets
Squirrels and fish and pot-bellied pigs
Strange-looking insects with thousands of legs

CHESTER AND HAROLD


OH there’s nothing like a pet

CHESTER
No reason to fret

CHESTER and HAROLD


Cause there’s nothing like a pet in the house!

CHESTER
They Egyptians learned to worship cats
Which goes to show acumen
Can often be quite possible
In a certain breed of human

HAROLD
Goats and geese and horses and rats
Ducks and owls and geckos and bats
Cockatoos just love to prance
But don’t put a lobster down your pants

CHESTER looks at HAROLD strangely.

CHESTER and HAROLD


Oh there’s nothing like a pet

HAROLD
We almost never wet
CHESTER gives HAROLD a goose (the clawed kind).

CHESTER and HAROLD


No there’s nothing like a pet in the house!

CHESTER
Imagine coming home to a dark and empty room

HAROLD
No one’s even there to greet you at the door

CHESTER
To rub against your leg and ask you where you’ve been

HAROLD
And leave a small surprise on the floor
MUSIC hangs expectantly, while CHESTER tries to recover from HAORLD’S
gaffe.

HAROLD
(spoken)
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What’d I say?
MUSIC picks up with the next verse.

CHESTER
Oh you cannot trust a human who does not have a pet
Not even a turtle in a box
And it’s no excuse to say you don’t have the time
Cause even the President has socks
He holds up a large autographed picture of the famous cat.

HAROLD
Cows and shrews and hamsters and minks
Sheep and hogs and lemurs and skinks
Roaches and worms are not very verbal
But on the whole they’re still better than gerbils
CHESTER tries to continue, but HAROLD gets carried away.

HAROLD
Bears and seals and tigers and whales
Moose and wolves and leopards and snails
Sharks and bulls and zebras and rhinos
Clams and yaks and dragons and dinos

CHESTER
(yelling)
Stop it!
MUSIC stops again.

What’s the matter with you? This is a song about pets! Understand?

HAROLD
Sorry.

CHESTER
Dragons and dinos…for heaven’s sake. Those are not exactly pets. Are they?

HAROLD
Well…maybe not in this neighborhood.
HAROLD jumps back into the song before CHESTER can reply.

HAROLD
Oh there’s nothing like a pet

CHESTER
Just get one and you’re set

CHESTER and HAROLD


Cause there’s nothing like a pet in the house!

The song finishes.

A CAR is heard pulling into the driveway.

HAROLD sits up, expectantly.

HAROLD
Quiet. The humans are back.

CHESTER
Oh, stop fawning.

HAROLD
I heard them talking about getting a new vacuum cleaner. One that’s even bigger. And louder.
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CHESTER jumps up.

CHESTER
Don’t just sit there. Help me pick this hair up.
HAROLD and CHESTER grab clumps of hair from the chair, but are caught
by the entrance of the MONROE family, dressed in rain gear.

MR. MONROE holds a large box in his arms. Although the lettering indicates
a contemporary shoe box, the scale of the box is closer to a packing crate.

MR. MONROE
What is going on here?

MRS. MONROE
Cat hair everywhere. All over my good chair, too.
She turns sternly to HAROLD.
What a naughty dog to be fighting with Chester.

HAROLD
What the…why is it automatically my fault?

CHESTER
Cause you’re the dog.

HAROLD
Well, you can just tell them otherwise.
CHESTER pathetically rubs the back of his hand.

MRS. MONROE
Poor kitty.
MRS. MONROE gently rubs CHESTER’s head as he grins at HAROLD.

HAROLD
Thanks a lot.

TOBY
Harold! Guess what happened at the movie!

MRS. MONROE
You can tell Harold all about it after you both take off your boots.

HAROLD turns to the audience.

HAROLD
See, everything that happens to them is explained to us. It’s not just “Good boy, Harold.” Or “Use this little
boxy, Chester.”

CHESTER
As though I need reminding.

MR. MONROE
If someone would take this, I’d like to get my coat off.

PETE
I’ll take him.

TOBY
I’m the one who found him.

PETE
You’ll drop him, you squirt.
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TOBY
No I won’t.

PETE
Yes you will.

MRS. MONROE
Both of you get out of your coats. Now.
HAROLD turns back to the audience.

HAROLD
As I was saying, Mr. Monroe is a college professor and his wife is a lawyer. So they’re fairly intelligent humans.

CHESTER
After all, they own us.
The family has discarded their wet clothing, and Mr. Monroe brushes as
much of the cat hair off of the chair before he sits on it—with the bundle in
his lap.

TOBY sits next to HAROLD to tell him the tale.

TOBY
All right, here’s what happened. We got to the movie really late, because Dad was driving too slow cause of the rain.

MR. MONROE
There’s nothing wrong with a little caution on wet streets.

TOBY
And Mom said not to disturb anybody, so we sat in the last row.

PETE
Which is about a million miles away from the screen.

TOBY
But as soon as I sat down, I felt something squishy on my seat and I jumped back up. And this usher came over to check out the
noise, and Dad borrowed his flashlight. Too see what was in my chair.

He turns to his father.

Can we show them now, Dad?


MR. MONROE
I suppose so. But hold onto them so they don’t make any sudden movements. No telling how animals might react.

HAROLD and CHESTER look at each other with consternation.

MR. MONROE places the box on the floor. He opens the box and out comes
a large PUPPET of a black and white rabbit. The puppeteer controls the
rabbit, as it hops gently around the room, sniffing.

CHESTER
A rabbit?

HAROLD
It appears so.

CHESTER
Just what we need around here. Another mouth to feed.

MRS. MONROE
What’s that around its neck?
PETE approaches the rabbit, and removes a ribbon with a piece of paper
attached. He tries to decipher the note.
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PETE
Some kind of note. But I can’t make it out.

HAROLD
Let me see that.
He walks over and looks at the note.

PETE
It’s just paper, boy. See? You wanna sniff it?
He puts it in front of HAROLD’s nose.

HAROLD
Hmm. An obscure dialect of the Carpathian Mountain region.

CHESTER
How would you know?

HAROLD
I am part Russian wolfhound, you know.

CHESTER
You’re part everything.

HAROLD
That may be, but I can read this note.

CHESTER
What’s it say?

HAROLD
“Take good care of my baby.”

CHESTER
A note from its mother?

HAROLD
Either that, or a piece of Romanian sheet music.

MR. MONROE
All right, boys. Let’s make our little visitor safe and comfortable. There’s an old crate and some wire mesh in the garage. That
should do for now.

MRS. MONROE
He looks hungry. I’ll get him some milk and lettuce.

HAROLD pulls CHESTER aside.

HAROLD
What do you think?

CHESTER
I don’t think rabbits like milk.
There is a CRASH from offstage.

PETE
(off)
Ma! Toby broke the rabbit’s house!

TOBY
(off)
I just dropped it!
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MRS. MONROE
Just bring it here, boys.

TOBY
Pete won’t let me!

PETE
(off)
He’s too little to carry it!

TOBY
(off)
Am not!

PETE
(off)
Are too!
MRS. MONROE enters with a plate of lettuce and a bowl of milk.

MRS. MONROE

Just get it out of here. With as little hysteria as possible, please.

CHESTER
That lettuce looks repulsive. Bt if there’s any milk left, I get it.

The boys enter, carrying an oversized wooden crate with open slats.

PETE
Ma, Toby says he’s going to keep the rabbit in his room. That’s not fair. Harold already gets to sleep with him.

CHESTER
Is that true?

HAROLD
Sometimes, when he sneaks stuff into his room.

CHESTER
What stuff?

HAROLD
Like cheese crackers, or brownies, or pretzels, or peanut butter sandwiches. Except peanut butter gets my mouth stuck.

TOBY
But he’s mine! I found him.

PETE
You mean you sat on him.

TOBY
He stays in my room.

PETE
No way. I get the rabbit. You can have smelly ol’ Harold if you want. Or that stupid cat.

CHESTER
That does it. I’m gonna bite his ankle.

HAROLD
Careful. He hasn’t changed his socks for a week.

MR. MONROE
I think I know the best place for this rabbit. Right over there by the window. He’ll get lots of sunlight and fresh air.
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The boys put the crate in front of the window unit.

MRS. MONROE
I guess that’s all right for the meantime. Now let’s put the rabbit into his new home, and then off to be with both of you.
PETE
I’m not sleepy.

TOBY
He’s not drinking his milk.

MRS. MONROE
You’re right.
She picks up the milk bowl.

CHESTER
This is my chance.

CHESTER slinks over to MRS. MONROE.

MR. MONROE
I think that rabbit needs his sleep. Like two boys I know.

PETE
Not yet, Dad. Let’s name him first.

MR. MONROE
Can’t that wait until tomorrow?

TOBY
No, now! He has to have a name?
HAROLD turns to the audience as MR. MONROE puts the rabbit in the cage.

HAROLD
I have to agree. It took them thee days to name me. And those were the three most anxious days of my life.
Mrs. Monroe kept wanting to call me fluffy.

MRS. MONROE
Well, all right. How about…oh, say…Bun-Bun.

TOBY and PETE


Yuck! Ewww!

HAROLD
See? There she goes again.

MRS. MONROE
Well, then, how about…Fluffy?

PETE
Give it up, Ma.
HAROLD goes over and inspects the rabbit more closely. It sniffs HAROLD
in turn.

HAROLD
You, he sort of looks like you, Chester. Except he’s got longer ears and a shorter tail.

CHESTER
Not to mention a motor in his nose.

PETE
Let’s see. We found him at the movies. So let’s call him…Mr. Johnson!

Pause.
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TOBY
Who’s Mr. Johnson?

PETE
The guy who owns the movie theatre.

MR. MONROE
It’s a small town, Pete. Let’s avoid any confusion. How about Prince?

TOBY
You gotta be kidding.

MR. MONROE
I had a dog named Prince. At least, that was how he was formerly known.

TOBY
Why don’t we name him after the movie?

PETE
Dracula? That’s a stupid name.

TOBY
No it’s not. Besides, I found him. So I should get to name him.

PETE
Mom, you’re not gonna let Toby name him, are you? That’s favoritism, and I’ll be traumatized.

TOBY and PETE start to gang up on their mother.

TOBY
Please Mom? Please Dad? Can I name him Dracula? Please? Please? Please?

MRS. MONROE starts to leave the room with the milk bowl.

CHESTER
Cool it, kid! You’re driving the milk away!
MRS. MONROE turns.

MRS. MONROE
No more arguments. We’ll compromise. Since he’s a bunny, and we found him at “Dracula,” we’ll call him….
Bunny-cula.

TOBY
Bunnicula! Way to go, Mom!

PETE
Ooh, scary.

MR. MONROE
Very clever of you, Ann.

MRS. MONROE
Thank you, Robert. That should make everybody happy.

CHESTER
Not until you put that milk down.

PETE
The name’s okay. But I get to feed him.

MRS. MONROE
I’ll put the milk back in the fridge. Maybe he’ll drink it tomorrow.

TOBY
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What about Chester? Maybe he’d like some.
CHESTER makes a beeline for MRS. MONROE and does some gymnastics
in front of her.

MRS. MONROE
Don’t be silly, Toby. Chester just wants to play. He’s obviously had more than enough milk for today.

CHESTER is crushed. He slinks over to Harold, who sips water from him
cup.

MR. MONROE
All right, boys. Bedtime.
The boys come over to the pets.

TOBY
Good night, Harold. Good night, Chester.
HAROLD gives TOBY a Doggie Shake (devise a good club handshake).
CHESTER shrugs high and yawns widely.

PETE
Good night, you smelly old dog.
HAROLD spills a small amount of water from his cup onto PETE’s foot.

Hey! Quit drooling on me!


PETE takes a step backward, only to bump into CHESTER, who gives him a
small scratch.

Ow! Stupid cat.


The boys approach the rabbit, as HAROLD and CHESTER give each other a
high five.

TOBY
Good night, Bunnicula.
PETE
(with a bad Transylvanian accent)
“I vant to drink your blood.”
The rabbit tilts his head, as if understanding this.

MR. MONROE
Bunnicula, eh? You lawyers do understand compromise.

MRS. MONROE
Well, Prince is a lovely name, too.
The family exits, leaving the pets alone with the rabbit.

HAROLD and CHESTER slowly approach the crate.

HAROLD
Doesn’t say much, does he?

CHESTER
I wish they had named him Fluffy.

HAROLD
Still mad about that milk, aren’t you?

CHESTER
I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to curl up on the chair, finish my book, and ignore the rumbling in my stomach.
CHESTER goes to the chair and pulls out a large book. He begins to read.
HAROLD turns to the audience.

HAROLD
I guess by now you’ve noticed that Chester is not your ordinary cat. He was originally a birthday gift for Mr. Monroe, along with a
first edition by Charles Dickens.
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CHESTER
An illustrious master of the narrative form.

HAROLD
So as you can see, Chester has developed a strong taste for books. Me too, as a matter of fact. I like to eat them.

CHESTER
Will you pipe down? It’s hard to concentrate with all your ruckus.

HAROLD
What are you reading now?

CHESTER
Tales of horror and the supernatural. This one is by Edgar Allen Poe. You wouldn’t appreciate it.

HAROLD
Maybe I would. Let me have a bite.
A strong WIND is heard from outside. A moonbeam falls on the rabbit’s
cage.

At this point, the rabbit puppet appears to come to life. He pulls his ears
straight back.
CHESTER notices the rabbit.

CHESTER
That’s strange.

HAROLD
What’s that?

CHESTER slowly moves closer to the rabbit, as HAROLD follows.

CHESTER
I didn’t notice his markings before. Look at those black spots.

HAROLD
What about them?

CHESTER
See how they seem to connect his head, neck, and back?

HAROLD
It’s like he’s wearing some kind of coat.

CHESTER
Not a coat. A cape.

Strange violin music is faintly heard from outside, along with the wind and
the rain.

What’s that?

HAROLD
Sounds like a violin.

CHESTER
Could it be…a gypsy caravan?

HAROLD
What’s a caravan?

CHESTER heads for the window unit, and peers out into the rain.
15

CHESTER
A band of gypsies, who travel through the forest in their wagons.

HAROLD
Station wagons?

CHESTER
No, covered wagons. They set up camps around great bonfires, doing magic tricks. And sometimes, if you cross their palms with
a piece of silver, they’ll tell your fortune.

HAROLD
We could give them a spoon!

CHESTER
Silver, not silverware.

The MUSIC gets louder. They peer through the window again.

HAROLD
I don’t see any bonfires.

CHESTER
Oh, it’s just Professor Mickelwhite next door. Practicing his violin.

CHESTER comes away from the window.

I’ve got to stop reading these horror stories late at night.

CHESTER notices the rabbit staring at him as he walks past. The rabbit
smiles hideously.

Harold.

HAROLD
Yes, Chester?

CHESTER
This rabbit has…fangs.

HAROLD
What, like a wolf?

CHESTER
More like a snake. Or a…bat.

But the rabbit hides his teeth before HAROLD has a chance to see.

HAROLD
What are you talking about? I don’t see anything.

CHESTER
There’s something very strange about this rabbit. We’d better be on our toes.

CHESTER cautiously curls into a chair, watching the rabbit.

HAROLD tries walking on his toes, giving up, then goes back to sleep in the
beanbag.

MUSICAL INTERLUDE as the lights dim, then change to the following


evening.
16
MUSIC CHANGES as PETE and TOBY run in to play with BUNNICULA,
who is asleep. They carry a hockey stick and a hoop.

CHESTER, exhausted from his vigil, is now asleep in the chair. HAROLD
follows the boys around.

TOBY
Why does he sleep so much?

PETE
Dad says rabbits feed mostly at night.

TOBY
Well, the sun’s going down. Let’s wake him up.

They open the cage and wake up the rabbit.

PETE
Come on, Bunnicula. Let’s see if you can do any tricks.

HAROLD
Hey! I know a new one! Watch this!

HAROLD tries to balance a dog biscuit on his nose.

TOBY holds up the stick for BUNNICULA to jump over.

TOBY
Jump, Bunnicula! Jump!

BUNNICULA jumps over the stick.

Way to go!

PETE
We can have a circus!

TOBY
Good idea!

PETE
I can be a lion tamer, and Chester can be the lion.
PETE approaches CHESTER with a carrot. He pokes CHESTER with it.

Come on, you vicious man-eater. On your feet.

CHESTER opens one eye.

CHESTER
Back off, kid.

TOBY
He’s not in the mood. I’d rather play with the rabbit, anyway.

TOBY puts the stick on the floor and hops around the room with
BUNNICULA.

PETE
Quit hogging him! It’s my turn!

TOBY
Just a second. I’m not done with him.

PETE
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Give him here!

HAROLD
What about me? I’ll play with you!

HAROLD picks the hoop from the floor where TOBY left it. He puts it around
his waist and uses it as a hula-hoop.

HAROLD

Look at me! I’d like to see that rabbit try this. Look! Look!

TOBY
Quit barking, Harold! You’ll scare Bunnicula.

BUNNICULA hops onto a table, upsetting a vase.

PETE
Look out!

MR. and MRS. MONROE enter.

MR. MONROE
What are you boys up to?

MRS. MONROE
My flowers! Who let the rabbit up on this table?

PETE
It was the dog’s fault.

MR. MONROE
Oh come now.
TOBY
Pete wouldn’t let me play with Bunnicula.

PETE
But Harold scared him.

MR. MONROE
Maybe there’s not enough room in here to be playing.

MRS. MONROE
Of course there is. You boys just need to show a little more consideration.

A new SONG begins, “ROOM FOR ALL,” in the style of a rather twisted
ballet.

MRS. MONROE
You’ve got to slow!

MR. MONROE
Slow!

MRS. MONROE
Down! There’s no need to race

MR. MONROE
It helps to give!

MRS. MONROE
Give!

MR. MONROE
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Give! Each other lots of space.

MRS. MONROE
You shouldn’t run!

MR. MONROE
Run!

MRS. MONROE
Run! All over the place!

MR. MONROE
Cause there’s plenty of room

MRS. MONROE
Plenty of room.

MR. and MRS. MONROE


Plenty of room for all!

MR. MONROE
Why don’t you Read!

MRS. MONROE
A!
MR. MONROE
Book! Just pick one from the shelf!

MRS. MONROE
Or you can Play!

MR. MONROE
A!

MRS. MONROE
Game! You can do that by yourself!

MR. MONROE
Or you can Ride!

MRS. MONROE
Your!

MR. MONROE
Bikes! It’s better for your health

MRS. MONROE
So there’s plenty of room

MR. MONROE
Plenty of room

MR. and MRS. MONROE


Plenty of room for all!

MRS. MONROE
We don’t mean to lecture
We don’t want to criticize

MR. MONROE
We don’t want to hurt your self-esteem
Or bring water to your eyes

MRS. MONROE
19
Just play gently in the house
So flowers and lamps don’t fall
MR. MONROE
Cause there’s plenty of room
MRS. MONROE
Plenty of room

MR. and MRS. MONROE


Plenty of room for all!

MR. MONROE
Look at the

CHESTER
Cat!
MR. MONROE
And!

HAROLD
Dog!

CHESTER
You never see us fight.

HAROLD
We know we get!

CHESTER
Fed!

HAROLD
Well!

CHESTER
If we just keep out of sight

HAROLD
We know that Seen!

CHESTER
Not!

HAROLD
Heard!

CHESTER
Is the way to act that’s right.

MR. and MRS. MONROE, CHESTER, and HAROLD


Yes there’s plenty of room
Plenty of room
Plenty of room for all!

PETE
I guess the Way!

TOBY
We!

PETE
Play! Is too rough on the floor

TOBY
If we must Run!
20

PETE
And!

TOBY
Jump! We should really go outdoors

PETE
And if we Scared!

TOBY
The!

PETE
Pets! We won’t do it anymore

EVERYONE
Cause there’s plenty of room
Plenty of room
Plenty of room for all!

MUSIC ends.

MRS. MONROE
Now what do you say we drive over to the pet story and find a nice new water dish for Bunnicula?

MR. MONROE
Excellent plan, dear.

TOBY
And some rabbit toys!

PETE
There’s no such thing.

TOBY
Yes there is.

PETE
Like what? Rabbits don’t need toys.

HAROLD
But I do! I could use a new rawhide bone!

CHESTER
And I wouldn’t mind some catnip.

TOBY
Please, Mom? Can we get a toy for Bunnicula?

MRS. MONROE
We’ll ask the sales clerk for a suggestion.

PETE
How embarrassing.

MR. MONROE
Just put him back in his cage, Pete. We’ll meet you out at the car.

TOBY
Bye, Bunnicula. We’ll be right back!

PETE picks up BUNNICULA.


21
HAROLD
Why bother to buy a rabbit anything? He doesn’t play catch, he doesn’t fetch, he doesn’t roll over to get his tummy rubbed.

CHESTER mumbles disagreeably from the chair, half-awake.

CHESTER
Neither do you.

HAROLD moves to CHESTER.

HAROLD
You know something? You’re becoming downright grumpy.

CHESTER
Hmmph.

HAROLD
Why did you stay up all night watching him? What are you looking for? He’s just a cute little bunny.

CHESTER sits up, irritated.

CHESTER
Cute little bunny! Hah! Hah!

PETE
Mom! The cat has another hairball!

PETE exits.

CHESTER

That shows how much you know about this situation. That rabbit is a danger to this household and everyone in it.

HAROLD
What are you talking about?

CHESTER
You’ll see.

HAROLD
See what? What have you seen?

CHESTER
Nothing. Yet. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like a little shuteye before I go back on night patrol. So go chew on a shoe or something.

HAROLD slowly moves off, muttering.

HAROLD
There’s nothing wrong with a good used shoe.

CHESTER
Dogs are so easily offended.

CHESTER goes back to sleep.

MUSICAL INTERLUDE as lights dim to late night.

BUNNICULA comes alive in his cage, opening his eyes and looking around
the room, watching CHESTER with caution. Then he stands on his hind legs
and stretches out his little arms, in the classic “vampire” stance.

A poof of SMOKE occurs, and BUNNICULA’s cage is suddenly empty!

CHESTER opens an eye.


22

CHESTER
What was that? If only I could…stay…awake…

He falls asleep.

With another poof of smoke, BUNNICULA appears on the floor! He stealthily


hops by the sleeping CHESTER, in to the dark kitchen area. He faces the
large refrigerator, which suddenly flies open! The light from the refrigerator
shorts out, leaving the kitchen in total darkness.

Meanwhile, CHESTER blinks and looks around the room.

CHESTER
Must…stay…alert. Have to…watch…the rabbit.

He looks at the cage.

Gone…That’s good…

He settles back down, then suddenly jumps up, arching his back.

Gone? The rabbit’s gone!

CHESTER runs to the cage, examining it.

Still locked…How did he get out?

He calls out.

Harold! Harold! Get your tail in here! Harold!

HAROLD runs into the room.

HAROLD
Chester?

CHESTER
Quiet down, will you?

HAROLD
What’s going on?

CHESTER
The rabbit’s gone!

HAROLD
Gone? Where did he go?

CHESTER

If I knew that, do you think I’d be asking for your help?

A noise is heard from the darkness across the stage.

HAROLD
Something’s coming.

CHESTER
Quick. Pretend to be sleeping.

CHESTER runs back into his chair. HAROLD heads for the beanbag. They
make a noisy show of sleeping.
23
A SPOTLIGHT focuses on BUNNICULA as he hops back into the room.
He stealthily moves across the floor to the table, when a puff of smoke
occurs and the rabbit disappears! The SPOTLIGHT goes out, and the stage
is dark.

HAROLD
What was that?

CHESTER
(in darkness)
Hit the lights!

Stage lights come back on to reveal BUNNICULA in his cage.

How did he do that?

HAROLD
How ‘bout that? He was there all along.

CHESTER
You saw for yourself, Harold. The cage was empty!

HAROLD
Maybe he was hiding.

CHESTER
Behind what? A carrot? We saw it with our own four eyes.

HAROLD
It does seem a little strange. What do you think it means?

CHESTER
Shh. Rabbit ears are long for a good reason. We’ll talk in the morning.

TRANSITION as the violin music, wind, and rain build and then fade with the
morning light.

MR. MONROE enters in his bathrobe. HAROLD and CHESTER barely


move, blinking their eyes open.

MR. MONROE
Good morning, all. My goodness, you animals are sleepyheads, aren’t you? Have a rough night?

He moves into the kitchen area, yawning. He opens the refrigerator door.

Hmm. Hard to see in here. The bulb must have shorted out.

He sticks his head further in.

Holy cow!

HAROLD and CHESTER jump up, glance at BUNNICULA (who appears to


be asleep), and run into the kitchen.

MR. MONROE pulls out a large white vegetable from the refrigerator.

Peter, come here! Right now!

HAROLD
(to CHESTER)
What is that thing?

CHESTER
Beats me. It looks like a white tomato.
24

PETE enters in his pajamas.

MR. MONROE
All right, young man. Have you been playing with your chemistry set in here?

PETE
No, Dad. Why?

MR. MONROE
This looks like one of your experiments. Do you know what this is?

PETE
It looks like a white tomato.

MRS. MONROE and TOBY enter.

MRS. MONROE
What’s all the fuss about, dear?

MR. MONROE
I’m trying to figure out what this is.

TOBY
It looks like a white tomato.

MR. MONROE
Don’t be absurd. How could…(he looks at it more carefully)…you know…it really does look like a white tomato.

MRS. MONROE
Only one way to find out.

She takes it to the table and picks up a large knife. CHESTER sits on the
edge of the table, watching.

Chester, get off the table.

CHESTER
Rats.

HAROLD and CHESTER stand on their toes to peer over the table top, while
the boys climb into the kitchen chairs.

MRS. MONROE cuts the large fruit in half (perhaps along a Velcro line).

MRS. MONROE
It’s a tomato, all right. Here are the seeds.

TOBY
But it’s white.

PETE
And it’s all dry.

MRS. MONROE
Let me see that thing.

He picks up one of the halves.

So it is. There’s no juice at all. What do you make of it, Ann?

MRS. MONROE
I guess it’s gone bad. Though I’ve never heard of a tomato turning white before. Let’s just throw it away and have breakfast.
25
CHESTER pushes HAROLD into the next room while the family begins
their morning bustle.

CHESTER
In here.

HAROLD
What, now? She’s going to cook some bacon.

CHESTER
Yes, now.

He pushes the reluctant dog into the living room, and makes sure they
haven’t been followed, before turning back to HAROLD.

A white tomato. Very significant.

HAROLD
Fine. Can I go now?

CHESTER
Did you get a good look at it?

HAROLD
I guess.

CHESTER

Then you must have noticed those suspicious marks on the skin.

HAROLD
Like what?

CHESTER
Like two puncture holes.

HAROLD
Oh, those marks. Sure, whatever you say. Don’t you smell that bacon?

CHESTER
Hold on. Let me show you one of the books I’ve been reading.

CHESTER goes to the easy chair, lifts the cushion, and pulls out a book from
his hidden stash. He shows it to HAROLD.

HAROLD
Mark of the……Vampire?

CHESTER
Shhh!

CHESTER tiptoes over to the rabbit to check on him.

Still asleep, thank heavens. Would you keep it down?

HAROLD
I’d rather keep some of that bacon down?

CHESTER
This is more important.

HAROLD
More important than bacon?
26
CHESTER
Yes, more important than bacon. Tell me, Harold. Have you noticed anything a little funny about that rabbit?

HAROLD
No. But I’ve noticed a lot of funny things about you lately.

CHESTER
Think about it. That rabbit sleeps all day.

HAROLD
So do I. So do you.

CHESTER
Furthermore, he’s got funny little sharp teeth.

HAROLD
So do I. So do you.

CHESTER
And he can get out of a locked cage.

HAROLD
So do…hmm. That is strange.

CHESTER
Remember where they found him?

HAROLD
At the movies.

CHESTER
Which movie? “Dracula”!

HAROLD
So?

CHESTER
So remember the note around his neck?

He picks it up off the table and hands it to Harold.

You said it was an obscure dialect of the Carpathian region.

HAROLD
That’s right.

CHESTER
Now. Where exactly in the Carpathian mountains?

HAROLD looks at the note again.

HAROLD
Offhand, I’d say…Transylvania.

CHESTER
Transylvania! That proves my point!

HAROLD
What point?

CHESTER
And the white tomato confirms it!

HAROLD
27
Confirms what?

CHESTER
He drained it with his fangs! The evidence is overwhelming!

HAROLD
Evidence of what? What are you talking about? I can’t stand it anymore!

CHESTER
Calm down. I thought only poodles got excitable.

HAROLD
Now I remember why dogs hate cats.

CHESTER
Not to worry. This book will tell us everything we need to know about vampires.

HAROLD
You think Bunnicula is a –

CHESTER
Vampire! Yes! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!

HAROLD
Hmm. Only one way to find out.

CHESTER
What?

HAROLD
You’ll see.

HAROLD goes to the cage and wakes up the rabbit, who turns to him with
sleepy attention.
Hey Bunnicula! Watch this!
He jerks his thumb back.

Strike three! Yourrrr outta there! How’s that?

BUNNICULA goes back to sleep. HAROLD turns to CHESTER.


Did I do it right?

CHESTER
That’s an umpire!

HAROLD
Tell the rabbit. He obviously doesn’t know what you’re talking about.

CHESTER
Why do I even try?

HAROLD
You’re way off base this time, Chester. Hey! Get it? Off base?

CHESTER
Listen carefully, you product of inbreeding. I said vampire. You do know what a vampire is, don’t you?

HAROLD
Do I know what a vampire is? You’re asking me if I know what a vampire is?

CHESTER
That’s right.
HAROLD
You mean to stand there and ask me if I know—
28

CHESTER
Harold.

HAROLD
Haven’t a clue.

CHESTER
Then listen up.
MUSIC begins as CHESTER begins to sing “VAMPIRE THEORY.” This is a
creepy tune, full of menace.
I don’t want to give you nightmares
I don’t want to make your dog hair
Stand on end
Cause you’re my friend
But you better beware, beware
Beware of Bunnicula!

HAROLD
(spoken)
Go on.

CHESTER
Vampires wake up when day is dim
And one may say their blood is thin
They may be dead
But stay well fed
From the neck of their next victim!
HAROLD
You mean Bunnicula?

CHESTER
(spoken)
Yes!
HAROLD goes to examine BUNNICULA.

HAROLD
You mean to tell me this poor bunny
Is more than a pet with a nose that’s runny

CHESTER
It’s just an act, don’t be a dummy
I don’t think we should be so chummy
With an animal of this much power!
HAROLD
(spoken)
What power?

CHESTER
For example you might
Think this cage door is tight
And you would be right
But it puts up no fight
When he pops out at night
And stays out of the light
And although he lacks height
To give much of a fright
What a horrible sight
To turn vegetables white
With a big juicy bite
You know have to be bright
To know that I’m correct
He’ll get us in the neck!
29
HAROLD
The neck?
CHESTER
The neck!

HAROLD
He’ll get us in the neck?

CHESTER
They may not hear us holler

HAROLD
So we better wear our collars

CHESTER
Or he’ll get us in the neck!

HAROLD
I’m afraid!

CHESTER
Be afraid! Be very afraid!

Cause he’ll sink his teeth into you


And you’ll feel the blood go through you
When he gets you in the neck!

HAROLD
I’m afraid!

CHESTER
Be afraid! Be very afraid!

No it isn’t a good habit


To live with a vampire rabbit

HAROLD
Who’ll get us in the neck!

CHESTER
The neck!

HAROLD
The neck!
He’ll get us in the neck!

CHESTER
So now you know my goal is set
To alert the humans to this threat
Looks like I’ll have to offer proof
Just like an expert sleuth
That this bunny’s an evil pet!
HAROLD
Beware of Bunnicula!
CHESTER
Beware!
HAROLD
Beware!

HAROLD and CHESTER


Beware of Bunnicula!
Song ends with a flourish.
BUNNICULA smiles hideously at the audience, baring his fangs.
30

ACT TWO

LIGHTS UP on CHESTER, asleep in his chair. Waking up with a start, ahe


looks at BUNNICULA’s cage. It’s empty!

CHESTER looks around and calls.

CHESTER
Harold! Harold! Where is that dog?
HAROLD enters the room, eating a cupcake.

Where have you been?

HAROLD
Helping Toby with his homework.

CHESTER
The only things you helped Toby with were his chocolate cupcakes. We’re supposed to keep watch on Bunnicula!

HAROLD
Well, what about you? You fell asleep again, didn’t you?

Another noise is heard from the kitchen area.

CHESTER
Here he comes! Places!

Again, they scramble for the chair and rug. As BUNNICULA hops into the
room and magically reenters the crate, HAROLD and CHESTER noisily
pretend to be asleep.

Upon hearing another “poof,” they squint at the rabbit and see he’s back in
his cage.

CHESTER
Come on. The kitchen.
CHESTER and HAROLD sneak back into the kitchen area, by the dim light
of dawn.

Nothing strange so far. Let’s check that refrigerator.

HAROLD
Wait a minute. What’s that thing?

CHESTER
What thing?

HAROLD
That thing there. On the table.

They jump up into the chairs, kneeling on the seats while they lean over the
table. There is a long, white object on the table top.

CHESTER
I’ll examine it.
CHESTER cautiously bats out at the space in front of the item. It’s unclear
whether he’s trying to touch it or scare it.

HAROLD
That’s not how you examine something.

CHESTER
Who’s the cat here? I know what I’m doing.
31
He bats at it from both ends—still without managing to touch it at all.

HAROLD
This could take all day.
HAROLD picks it up.

CHESTER
Careful!
HAROLD sniffs the object.

Well? What do you think?

HAROLD
Beats me.

CHESTER
Is it breathing?

HAROLD
I don’t think it ever did.

CHESTER
Hand it here.

HAROLD passes the object to CHESTER, who suddenly wrinkles his nose
and bares his teeth.

HAROLD
What? What?

CHESTER
Harold.

HAROLD
Yes?

CHESTER
It’s…

HAROLD
Go on. What is it, Chester?

CHESTER
It’s a white zucchini!
SCARY MUSIC is heard. They look around the stage, startled.

HAROLD
A what?

CHESTER
A white zucchini!
MORE SCARY MUSIC. They look around again.

HAROLD
Do they make music?

CHESTER
No, they make casseroles. But not this one. Now that Bunnicula has drained it of its life blood.

HAROLD
Blood?
32
CHESTER
Or in this case, juice. Turning an ordinary vegetable into…a white zucchini!

MORE SCARY MUSIC. They look around again.

Now stop that!


MRS. MONROE is heard off, talking to the newspaper carrier after she
opens the front door.

NEWSPAPER CARRIER (off)


Here’s your paper, Mrs. Monroe.

MRS. MONROE (off)


Thank you, my dear.
CHESTER and HAROLD scramble back into the living room, jumping back
into the easy chair simultaneously. Though obviously uncomfortable, they
noisily pretend to be asleep as MRS. MONROE enters with her paper. She
looks at all three animals.

Honestly. Eat and sleep, eat and sleep. That’s all they ever do.

She enters the kitchen as CHESTER and HAROLD open their eyes and
begin to push and jab each other.

Meanwhile, MRS. MONROE opens the refrigerator, not noticing the zucchini.
She peers in—and screams.

She backs away from the refrigerator into the table, where she sees the
zucchini. She screams again.

Robert! Robert, come here!


MR. MONROE enters, carrying a towel, a razor, and white foam on his face.

HAROLD
Oh my gosh, Chester! Look at his face! Bunnicula got him, too!

CHESTER
That’s shaving cream, you numbskull.
The boys trot into the kitchen in their pajamas. CHESTER and HAROLD
extract themselves from the easy chair and run in behind the boys.

MR. MONROE is pulling a series of white vegetables out of the refrigerator,


placing them on the table.

PETE
What’s going on?

MR. MONROE
Look at this. White beans. White tomatoes. White lettuce. White squash. And what’s this? A white zucchini!

The SCARY MUSIC startles them too.

PETE
What was that?

MRS. MONROE calls out the window.

MR. MONROE
Professor Mickelwhite? Your window’s open again!

A voice comes from offstage.

MICKELWHITE (off)
Sorry!
33

The SOUND OF A WINDOW shutting offstage.

MR. MONROE
This is so unsettling.

MRS. MONROE
What can it mean, Robert? One tomato is a curiosity, but this is unheard of.

MR. MONROE
There must be something wrong with the refrigerator. The bulb keeps burning out. And it’s turning all the vegetables white.

MRS. MONROE
But look. I left these tomatoes on the windowsill. And they’re white too.

TOBY
Mommy, I’m scared.

MRS. MONROE
Don’t be, darling. Everything’s all right.

PETE
Hey! Maybe it’s a vegetable blight.

MRS. MONROE

Could he be right, Robert? Have you ever heard of anything like that?

MR. MONROE
Well, no, I can’t say I have. I’ve heard of a blight, of course, but nothing like this.

CHESTER
(to HAROLD)
Human beings are so slow. This will take forever if we leave it up to them.

CHESTER grabs MR. MONROE’s towel and begins to wrap it around his
neck.

MRS. MONROE
What about that friend of yours in the Agriculture Department?

MR. MONROE
Tom Cragin?

MRS. MONROE
Maybe we could call him to see if we’re doing something wrong.

PETE
I know what it is. It’s because you buy vegetables that aren’t organic.

MRS. MONROE
All vegetables are organic, Peter.

PETE
Not if they put chemicals in them.

MRS. MONROE
What chemicals?

PETE
Like bug spray, and preservatives, and—
34
MR. MONROE
We have an excellent supermarket, son. I’m sure there’s no reason to be concerned.

MRS. MONROE
Robert, why don’t you wipe your face?

MR. MONROE
I can’t seem to find my towel. I know I brought it down here.

TOBY
Look! Chester has it.
All turn to look at CHESTER. By now he has managed to tie the towel
around his neck and drape it over his back like a cape. He begins to stalk the
family, his eyes open wide and his teeth bared. He throws his head back and
laughs maniacally.

MR. MONROE
He must think it’s a toy. Give it back, you crazy cat.

MR. MONROE reaches for the towel, but CHESTER quickly lies down in the
classic vampire-in-a-coffin pose, his hands folded across his chest. He
suddenly opens his eyes and sits up, startling the family.

MRS. MONROE
Good heavens!
CHESTER pulls the towel back over his mouth, in another classic pose.

PETE
Hey, Dad. Did you leave your brandy glass sitting out?

MR. MONROE
Cats are funny creatures, son.

HAROLD
Psst, Chester. What are you up to?

CHESTER
I’m a vampire, can’t you tell? I’m trying to warn them.

MR. MONROE
They have their own individual quirks, the same as people. Maybe he just wants our attention. Isn’t that
right, kitty?

HAROLD
It’s not working, Chester. You better think of something else.

MR. MONROE
Come on, Chester. Give me the towel.
CHESTER gets up and begins to stalk HAROLD.

CHESTER
Hold still, Harold.
CHESTER lunges at HAROLD, biting him on the neck.

HAROLD
Yeow! What’s the idea?
He pushes CHESTER away from him.

TOBY
Mom, Chester bit Harold!

MRS. MONROE
I’m sure it wasn’t a real bite, dear. It was a love bite, wasn’t it, Chester? Isn’t that cute?
35
HAROLD
Do I look like a tomato?

CHESTER
The humans still don’t get it. How can they be so thick?

MRS. MONROE

The poor dear needs a little love. Don’t you, Chester?

CHESTER
Oh no. She’s going to kiss me on the nose. I hate that.

MRS. MONROE
Do you know what I’m going to do to you, you big ball of fuzz?

CHESTER
Aw, gee. Here it comes.
She kisses CHESTER on the nose as he grimaces and twists his head.

MR. MONROE
I still don’t know why he’s wearing my towel.
She takes the towel off of CHESTER.

MRS. MONROE
Obviously, he’s cold, dear. Here you go. Toby, run get Chester his kitty sweater.

TOBY runs off.

CHESTER
Oh, no. Not that. Anything but that.

MR. MONROE
I guess I’ll give Tom Cragin a call.

MRS. MONROE
Yes, dear. Why don’t you? But I’m really a little more worried about Chester at the moment. We’d better keep an eye on him.

TOBY runs back on with a hideously bright yellow sweater, complete with
purple mice wearing cowboy hats.

Here we go. This will help him feel better.


She puts the sweater on the cat, who resignedly lifts his arms as she tugs on
the sleeves.

The family leaves, petting the cat as they exit.

HAROLD
And to think your ancestors were leopards.
He slinks into the living room, as lights dim on the kitchen. BUNNICULA is
still asleep as HAROLD follows the cat into the adjacent area.

CHESTER
That’s right, make fun. Like the humans. I tried to warn them, but they didn’t listen.

HAROLD
Of course not. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

CHESTER
Oh, is that so? You’ve certainly changed your tune since yesterday.

HAROLD
I’ll admit you made me nervous. But come on, Chester, white vegetables? What’s so scary about that?
36
CHESTER
You’ll find out one morning when you wake up dead.

HAROLD
How is that even possible?

CHESTER
You know what I mean. First it’s the vegetables, then our own sweet necks.

HAROLD
Vegetables don’t have necks. Besides, I’ve seen Mrs. Monroe bite her husband on the neck. And she’s not
a vampire. She’s a lawyer.

CHESTER
I seem to remember a chapter on that.

HAROLD
Just calm down, Chester. Before you get us both in even bigger trouble.

CHESTER
You can stand by and watch if you want. But I’m not taking any chances.

CHESTER looks around and finds two strands of garlic hanging in the
kitchen, and grabs them. He hold them out as he enters the living room.
HAROLD follows behind.

HAROLD
Phew! What is that, Chester? It smells awful.

BUNNICULA wakes up, staring wide-eyed at CHESTER from his cage.

CHESTER
Aha! That got the “cute little bunny’s” attention.

CHESTER puts more garlic on the floor near the cage.

BUNNICULA gets more agitated.

What’s the matter, bunny rabbit? Afraid of a little garlic?

HAROLD
Garlic?

CHESTER
That’s right. See how he reacts to it?

HAROLD
I can’t see anything. My eyes are watering.

CHESTER finishes placing garlic near the cage. BUNNICULA cowers in


terror, shaking.

He turns back to HAROLD, who is keeping his distance from the other
strand.

Go ahead. Put it on.

HAROLD
No.

CHESTER
Listen. The book says garlic renders vampires immobile.
37
HAROLD
What’s that mean?

CHESTER
It means they can’t move.

HAROLD
Well, I can’t move either. The smell is killing me.

CHESTER
Here, I’ll put it on for you.

HAROLD’s nose becomes congested.

HAROLD
Stay away frob be. I’b gebbing outta dis roob right dow.

HAROLD makes his way outside, while the rest of the stage dims.

CHESTER takes the other strand and drapes it over the top of the cage.

CHESTER
That should do it.

He leaves the room, satisfied.

LIGHTS SHIFT to HAROLD out in the yard near the


window. He sneezes violently, then calms down, breathing in the air.

HAROLD
Finally, some clean air. I’ll just spend tonight out in the yard—keeps the ol’ hunting instincts sharp.
Whoops, sorry, pal—stepped on a squirrel.

He stretches out and begins to fall asleep.

This is more like it. Peace…at…last.

MUSICAL INTERLUDE as night falls, and dawn rises.

A strange, piercing yowl comes from the kitchen area.

HAROLD jumps up.

Not again! Don’t tell me something else turned white?

Lights come up as HAROLD enters he kitchen area. He sees CHESTER


getting a head shampoo from MRS. MONROE. CHESTER yowls again.

MRS. MONROE
What’s gotten into you, Chester? You never played with garlic before. Most animals hate the smell of it, and here you’ve gotten it
all over yourself. Stop wriggling, you’ll get soap in your eyes.

She vigorously towels off CHESTER’s head as he yowls again. She stops
toweling, eyeing CHESTER suspiciously as he slumps in his chair.

Well. I hope you’ve learned your lesson.

She takes the towel and shampoo, and exits.

CHESTER
Silly woman. Doesn’t she know cats don’t need baths?

HAROLD
I get baths all the time.
38

CHESTER
That’s because dogs are too dumb to bathe themselves.

HAROLD
Well, at least the house smells good again.

CHESTER
Sure it smells good. But the danger has returned.

HAROLD
What do you mean?

CHESTER
The garlic worked. Bunnicula never left his cage last night. But tonight he’ll be free to roam again, and I’ve got to find a way to
stop him.

HAROLD
Like what?

CHESTER
I’ve been doing some research on that. All I need is the right equipment.

MRS. MONROE enters again, and pulls a raw steak out of the refrigerator.

MRS. MONROE
Hmm, not quite thawed.

She puts it on a plate. Turning, she sees CHESTER and HAROLD. She
decides to put another plate over the steak.

SHE turns to the animals.

All right, boys. I’m going to pick up Robert at the college. So I’m leaving this steak here to finish defrosting. And I know a couple
of pets that are going to be in big trouble if they bother it. That means you…and you.

CHESTER and HAROLD hang their heads and stare innocently.

CHESTER and HAROLD


Yes, ma’am.

MRS. MONROE
Don’t give me those looks. Just behave yourselves.

They watch her leave and listen for the slam of the front door.

They turn to each other, excitedly.

CHESTER
A steak! This is our chance!

HAROLD
You heard the human, Chester. We’re not allowed.

CHESTER
Allowed! Do you think your cousins the wolves worry about what’s allowed?

HAROLD
Well…no.

CHESTER
Don’t you want to be like the wolves?
39
HAROLD
All dogs do.

CHESTER
Then stop worrying about it and take what’s yours by natural law.

HAROLD
Alright, I will.

He reaches for the plate, but CHESTER grabs it first.

CHESTER
Not so fast. First things first.

HAROLD
Like what?

CHESTER
First you have to help me get Bunnicula our of his cage.

HAROLD
Oh. Okay.

They start for the living room, CHESTER holding the steak, when HAROLD
suddenly stops.

Wait a minute. What’s that got to do with the steak?

CHESTER
Everything.

HAROLD
Oh. Okay.

They take a few more steps, when HAROLD suddenly stops again.

Whoa! Hold on there! What if he decides to attack us?

CHESTER
I thought you didn’t believe he was a vampire.

HAROLD
Maybe not. But he still has sharp teeth.

CHESTER
What kind of dog are you? Afraid of a harmless little bunny.

HAROLD
Harmless? You said he was a threat to everyone in this house!

CHESTER
He is a threat—but only at night. That’s why we have to do it now, while the sun’s up.

CHESTER goes into the living room, HAROLD following cautiously behind.

HAROLD
How do we open the cage?

CHESTER
This claw should do the trick.

CHESTER picks the lock and opens the door.

There. Didn’t even wake him.


40

HAROLD
That’s good. Can I have the steak now?

CHESTER
For what, watching me do everything? You have to do your part now.

HAROLD
What do you want me to do?

CHESTER
Just get Bunnicula out of the cage and onto the floor.

HAROLD
How am I supposed to do that? How? How?

CHESTER
Quit howling at me. Use your head.

HAROLD
My head? Right. I seem to recall my grandfather telling me that you pick up a rabbit by its neck with your teeth.

HAROLD approaches the rabbit cage, slowly sticking his head inside.

Don’t be scared, little bunny. I’m not a hunting dog. I’m just going to pick you up by the fur. Okay? No need to use those teeth on
my nose.

By now HAROLD has managed to get himself caught in the cage.

Uh oh.

CHESTER
What now?

HAROLD
I think I’m stuck.

CHESTER
Of course you are. There’s no room for both of you. Push him out of the cage.

HAROLD
I might have more motivation if I had a little steak.

CHESTER
Don’t worry about the steak, Harold. Just push.

HAROLD manages to push the rabbit out without waking it.

Still asleep. Excellent.

HAROLD
I still can’t get out.

CHESTER
No problem. You can help me from there.

HAROLD
Let’s eat first.

CHESTER
Hold on.

CHESTER hurries to the easy chair and pulls out the vampire book. He
brings it back to HAROLD and props it open on top of the cage.
41

Just read this to me so I’ll be sure I’m doing it right.

HAROLD begins to read from the book.

HAROLD
All right, all right. “To destroy the vampire and end his reign of terror, it is necessary to place a sharp stake into the vampire’s
heart.”

CHESTER
Wait a minute. A sharp stake? What kind of steak is that?

HAROLD
I can taste it and tell you whether it’s sharp.

CHESTER
Never mind. This will do. It’s sirloin. Okay, Bunnicula. This is it. I’m sorry I have to take it to this extreme, but if they’d only
listened to me, this wouldn’t be necessary.

He picks up the steak and lays it on the sleeping rabbit.

HAROLD watches the steak have absolutely no effect, other than a slight
yawn from BUNNICULA. CHESTER looks away, expecting something
horrible to be happening.

Pause.

HAROLD
Are you sure that’s what they mean?

CHESTER, startled by HAROLD, looks back at the rabbit.

CHESTER
Of course I’m sure.

HAROLD
Hey, wait a minute. I thought I got the steak.

CHESTER
When I’m done with it.

HAROLD
You tricked me!

CHESTER
Not having much of an effect, is it?

HAROLD
I’ll show you an effect or two if you don’t get me out of here.

CHESTER
It’s for your own good, Harold. They say to keep animals in confinement if they get too excited.

HAROLD
Let me out!

CHESTER
Shhh!

MR. and MRS. MONROE enter the room. A moment while they take in the
bizarre scene.

MRS. MONROE
My steak!
42

CHESTER
Uh oh.

HAROLD
Now you’ll get it!
MRS. MONROE grabs the steak from BUNNICULA’s body.

MR. MONROE
Why is this dog in the cage?

MRS. MONROE
And Bunnicula’s out!

CHESTER
All right. Last resort. Where’s my water dish?

CHESTER scrambles to find a cup marked “CHESTER,” which he picks up


and carries back to the rabbit.

Take that you hideous creature of the night!

But MR. MONROE has picked up the rabbit. So HAROLD gets a face full of
water, still stuck in the cage.

MRS. MONROE
CHESTER!

Pause. CHESTER surveys the angry faces surrounding him.

CHESTER
(whimpering)
Mother!

MRS. MONROE grabs CHESTER by the back of the shirt (or collar, or hair)
and takes him off to be thrown outside.

MR. MONROE pulls HAROLD out of the cage.

MR. MONROE
What a strange dog. How’d you manage to get yourself in there, anyhow?

HAROLD
Good question.

He shakes off as MRS. MONROE reenters.

MRS. MONROE
Robert, we’re going to have to do something about that cat. Dinner’s completely spoiled, the poor bunny is out of the cage, and
Harold is sopping wet.

MR. MONROE
No major harm done, dear.

MRS. MONROE
Well, until Chester learns to act right, he’ll just have to spend the night outside.

MR. MONROE puts BUNNICULA back in his cage.

MR. MONROE
Odd. This rabbit must have slept through the whole ruckus.

MRS. MONROE
This steak’s ruined. Might as well give it to Harold. He deserves a treat after what he’s been through. Don’t you, boy?
43

She puts it on the plate and hands it to HAROLD. He acts nonchalantly until
they leave the room, but he raises a fist in victory.

HAROLD
Yes!

Noticing the book on the floor, HAROLD picks it up and continues to read
from the page.

“Another method of destroying the vampire is to immerse the body in water.” So that’s what he was up to.

He looks at the sleeping rabbit.

Good thing he missed, eh, Bunnicula?

CHESTER’s face appears at the window unit, his nose pressed flat against
the glass.

CHESTER
Harold. Old buddy. Old pal. How about letting me back in? It’s freezing out here.

HAROLD
I’ll think about it. After I finish my dinner.
He taunts CHESTER by showing him the steak. CHESTER yowls in
frustration.

SONG begins, “POOR CAT.” This is a sad ballad, quite heartrending (or so
CHESTER believes). CHESTER and HAROLD sing.

CHESTER
If any among you can hope to find
A creature that’s been more maligned
Then I’d certainly like to meet him

HAROLD
But not a bird, because he’ll eat him

CHESTER
This is no way to treat a feline
To pick me up and make a beeline
To throw me into the muddy yard

HAROLD
We all know your life is hard
HAROLD and CHESTER
Poor cat, poor cat, poor poor cat

HAROLD
Cats don’t have it easy, true CHESTER
(spoken)
Tell ‘em Harold.

You can see why they get blue


Sing it, dog.

Bringing the mistress a dead mouse


That’s right.

Gets you thrown out of the house

HAROLD and CHESTER


Poor cat, poor cat, poor poor cat
44
CHESTER
Only trying to be some help
They treat me like a common whelp
Toss me out before I’m fed
They’ll be sorry when I’m found dead

HAROLD
It’s awfully hard to watch you shake
While I’m in here consuming steak
Although I understand your plight
Please move along now out of sight

HAROLD and CHESTER


Poor cat, poor cat, poor poor cat

CHESTER
Before I go away to freeze
In some cold ditch where I will sneeze
It might just help to ease the wrong
If everybody sings along

The MONROE family enters to harmonize on the chorus.

EVERYONE
Poor cat, poor cat, poor poor cat

CHESTER
(spoken)
I’m not sure you feel it!

EVERYONE
Poor cat, poor cat, poor poor cat!

A heart-breaking finish as CHESTER blows a goodbye kiss to the crowd and


slinks off. The MONROE family moves off.

Lights dim as HAROLD puts down the plate and enters his spotlight. He
produces a toothpick and uses it on his teeth.

HAROLD

Not a bad meal. Now for a little desert, courtesy of one Toby Monroe.

He pulls a chocolate cupcake out a pocket (or hat, or pouch).

But MRS. MONROE enters just in time to see him about to take a bite.

MRS. MONROE

Harold!
HAROLD

Uh oh.
HAROLD tries to hide the cupcake behind his back as he faces MRS. MONROE.

MRS. MONROE

Cupcakes, eh? I’ve been wondering where these crumbs are coming from. All right. Hand it over.

HAROLD

I didn’t do anything. It was Toby’s fault. He gave it to me.


45
MRS. MONROE

Stop that whining. Hold out your paw.


HAROLD extends an empty paw.
The other one.
HAROLD pauses, trapped.
Come on now. Let’s have it.
HAROLD holds out the other paw, closing his eyes in preparation for the
inevitable.

Hmm. I thought sure I saw you with a chocolate cupcake.

HAROLD opens his eyes and looks at his paw. The cupcake is gone!

BUNNICULA shakes his cage, distracting MRS. MONROE. She goes to the
cage while HAROLD pats all his pockets, etc. for the missing cupcake.
So there it is.
She opens the cage and pulls out the cupcake!

I’m going to talk to Toby about the junk he feeds these animals.
She comes back to HAROLD patting him sweetly on the head.

I’m sorry I scolded you, boy. Here, I guess one little cupcake won’t hurt anything.
She gives the cupcake back to HAROLD, who does a little moonwalk (or an
equivalent dance step.)

Look at that tail way. You’re a happy dog, aren’t you?


She exits. HAROLD goes over to BUNNICULA’S cage.

HAROLD

How’d you manage that?


BUNNICULA does a bunny shrug.

Well, however you did it, I sure appreciate it. You’re not such a bad bunny after all.
BUNNICULA shakes his head.

Don’t worry about Chester. I’ll make sure he doesn’t bother you.
HAROLD drags his bean bag bed over next to the rabbit’s cage, and curls up
in it.

There. Now you can sleep safe and sound. The ears of a dog can pick up any noise, no matter how slight. No one gets past me
tonight.
BUNNICULA pretends to go to sleep. HAROLD yawns and immediately
conks out.

BUNNICULA opens his eyes and checks out HAROLD. The cage door
bangs open with a big noise, but HAROLD doesn’t stir.

MUSICAL INTERLUDE as lights dim and fade up on the following morning.

MRS. MONROE and CHESTER are seen through the window.

MRS. MONROE

Are you ready to behave yourself, you naughty cat?


CHESTER rubs his head against her.

CHESTER

Yes, ma’am.
46
MRS. MONROE

That’s more like it.


They come into the den area, where HAROLD still sleeps on the bean bag.
BUNNICULA is also asleep in his cage.
No go ahead and be friends with Harold.
CHESTER goes to HAROLD and pokes him.

CHESTER

Harold. Harold!
HAROLD slowly wakes up

HAROLD

Another cupcake? No thanks, Toby. Fifteen is plenty.

CHESTER

Harold! It’s me, Chester.


HAROLD collects himself.

HAROLD

Oh. I was having a dream.

CHESTER

Look, about last night. I’m sorry I splashed you.

HAROLD

Well, good for you, Chester. It takes a big cat to admit he’s wrong.

MRS. MONROE

Now come over here and make up with Bunnicula.


She opens the cage.

CHESTER

Aw. Do I have to?

MRS. MONROE

Go on. Pat the Bunny.


CHESTER approaches BUNNICULA. He reluctantly pats the bunny on the
head as BUNNICULA shakes in terror.

I know you cats are natural predators. But I’ll have none of that in this house. You just have to spend more time with the little
fellow. Get to know him better.
CHESTER smiles sweetly at BUNNICULA.

CHESTER

You can count on it.


BUNNICULA continues to shake.

MRS. MONROE

Good boy. I don’t expect any more disturbances in this room.


She closes the cage and leaves the room, while CHESTER wipes off his
paw. He immediately drops all pretense.
47
CHESTER

Bunny fur. Yuck!


HAROLD notices BUNNICULA shaking.

HAROLD

What’s the matter, pal? Are you cold?

CHESTER

Give it up Harold. The rabbit doesn’t talk.


HAROLD

But he is a good listener.

CHESTER

I’m disappointed in you, Harold. I’m not surprised this rabbit was able to fool the Monroes. After all, humans are humans, and as
such, woefully in the dark most of the time. But you’re a dog, and should know better.

HAROLD

You’ve got him all wrong, Chester. He spent the whole night asleep in his cage. I would have heard something.

CHESTER

Harold, I’ve seen you sleep through dinner parties, guitar lessons and smoke detectors. Pardon me if I’m not exactly convinced.

HAROLD

All right. Let’s just take a look.


He gets up and heads for the kitchen, with CHESTER smugly following.
See? Everything’s as it should be.
CHESTER goes to the refrigerator.

CHESTER

So far. Help me get this door open.


They manage it open.
Aha!
CHESTER pulls an object out and holds it up in triumph.
What do you call this?

HAROLD

Arugula? Endive? Bok choy?

CHESTER

It’s celery, you nitwit! A piece of white celery!


CHESTER grabs a milk carton from the refrigerator and takes a swig.

I’m telling you, these vegetables represent enormous danger.

HAROLD

Oh, come on. They’re harmless.


CHESTER pulls more white vegetables from the refrigerator.

CHESTER

Aha! They may seem harmless to the casual observer. But these particular vegetables have been bitten by a vampire. Which
means they are transformed into zombies, doomed to go out into the night seeking fresh bodies to satisfy their bloody cravings.
48
HAROLD picks up the white celery.

HAROLD

This celery has bloody cravings?

CHESTER

Why not? Do you think it just lies there, useless, finished , dried up? Or does Bunnicula, like the vampires of old, have other
plans for them? Are they his minions acting on his orders to turn the world into creatures like himself? Think of it Harold! This
house, this entire neighborhood could be filled with killer parsnips, blood-thirsty string beans, homicidal heads of lettuce-

HAROLD

Don’t forget the minions.

CHESTER

What?

HAROLD

Are minions like onions?

CHESTER

Never mind. Just imagine that innocent piece of celery in your paw, becoming a monstrous, undead vegetable of the night! See
it, Harold? See how the celery stalks!
A giant stalk of celery staggers into the kitchen, approaching them
threateningly! (Perhaps the actor who plays MR. MONROE wears the
costume.)

HAROLD

This is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard of.


The celery stops in its tracks, turns, and shuffles offstage, head down and
dejected.

In the living room area, TOBY and PETE enter wearing capes and false
Halloween fangs. They are playing a game, pretending to be vampires.

PETE

Bring in the next victim!

TOBY

Yes, master.
TOBY bows before PETE and flies offstage.

CHESTER

Quiet!
CHESTER and HAROLD move to the edge of the living room, watching
PETE with astonishment.

PETE

Hurry! Dawn approaches!


TOBY enters with a large stuffed giraffe.
TOBY

Here he is, Master. I found him snooping around the castle.


49
PETE

Good work! Now, what shall we do with him, eh?


TOBY makes the giraffe “speak”

TOBY

“I didn’t mean any harm! My car broke down. I didn’t know anyone lived here!”

PETE

No excuses! You should have thought twice before spending the night in a vampire’s castle!

CHESTER

You hear that? We’re surrounded!

PETE

You don’t know who I am, do you? Well, you’ll find out soon enough.
PETE slowly approaches the giraffe, as TOBY holds it out shaking in fear.

TOBY

“No! No! I promise not to tell anyone!”

PETE

What a nice long neck you have. How convenient!


PETE lunges for the giraffe, but HAROLD sprints between them and grabs
the giraffe away, knocking down the boys. Their “fangs” fall out.

HAROLD

Hold on, pal! I’ll save you!

TOBY

Look out for Harold!

PETE

Watch out you stupid dog!


HAROLD protects the giraffe from the boys.

HAROLD
You’re not so tough now, are you, bat breath?

TOBY

Harold, what’s wrong? We’re just playing.

HAROLD
Not one step closer!
CHESTER picks up “fangs” from the floor.
CHESTER

Umm, Harold…
HAROLD

Speak to me giraffe. Are you already a zombie?


50
CHESTER

Harold. Take a look.


HAROLD looks at CHESTER as he holds up the fangs.
Plastic fangs. Guess they really were playing.
HAROLD looks back at the giraffe.
You can put the toy down now. It’s embarrassing.
HAROLD puts the giraffe down.

PETE

Let’s go outside. That dumb dog could have knocked something over.

TOBY

And we would have gotten the blame. Bad dog! You hear me Harold? You’re a bad dog!
The boys exit with the stuffed giraffe.

CHESTER

Oh well. False alarm.

HAROLD

Did you hear what Toby called me?

CHESTER

He didn’t mean it, Harold. You had the best intentions.

HAROLD

A bad dog! Never in my life have I been called a bad dog.

CHESTER

You’re taking this too personally.

HAROLD

You and your imagination. I’m not listening to you any more.

CHESTER

It was the rabbit’s fault. He’s clouding our minds.

HAROLD

Stay away from me.


CHESTER
Harold!
HAROLD

You hear me? I don’t want to hear any more talk about vampire, killer vegetables or onion minions. Just stay away.

CHESTER
(Hurt)

I was only trying to help.


HAROLD goes to bond with the rabbit while CHESTER slinks off to the other
corner of the stage, watching.

Sad music introduces the song, “ONLY FRIEND.”


51
CHESTER
He doesn’t care about my feelings
He’s just pretending to be dealing
With that dumb rabbit
It’s like a habit
He’ll lose his only friend

HAROLD
I’m sorry for that cat’s behavior
He thinks he is some kind of savior
But he is wrong
I won’t go along
He’s not my only friend

CHESTER and HAROLD


(In harmony)

I was happy on my own


Before we ever met
I don’t need him any more
Does he need me?… You bet!

HAROLD

He thinks he’s so superior


And I am so inferior
If he’s so smart
Then where’s his heart
I don’t need him as a friend

CHESTER

It’s not as though I’m feeling jealous


Perhaps I’m being overzealous
But he’s so cruel
I’m not a fool
That rabbit’s his new friend

CHESTER and HAROLD


(In harmony)
I remember when we played
Together side by side
But when he comes
Into the room
I just want to hide!

HAROLD
If this is how things have to be
CHESTER

If this is what he truly wants

HAROLD

He can look around

CHESTER

I guess he’s found

HAROLD and CHESTER


(In Harmony)
A brand new only friend
They look at each other.
52
Why do I feel lonely when
He’s not my only friend?
SONG ends, as they turn their backs on each other

Lights shift as CHESTER joins the family as they enter the kitchen, carrying
plates from dinner.

HAROLD remains with BUNNICULA in his cage.

MR. MONROE

That was delicious, Ann. Looks like the vegetables are back to normal.

MRS. MONROE

I decided to change markets.

PETE

I told you so.

MR. MONROE

So you did, son. Good for you.

MRS. MONROE

Toby, don’t feed Chester the leftovers.

TOBY

It’s just tuna.

MRS. MONROE

And that was your dinner, not his.


CHESTER politely declines the treat, going to rub against the family
members.

MR. MONROE

I must say, that cat appears to have a new attitude.

MRS. MONROE
And a good thing too.

MR. MONROE

I guess that night outside had a beneficial effect on him

MRS. MONROE

Maybe he was just upset by the new pet.

TOBY

Maybe he had the flu.

PETE

Maybe he had rabies.


53
MRS. MONROE

And for that remark, young man, you may now clean his litter box.

PETE

Aw, mom.
He rises to go, shortly followed by the others.

MR. MONROE

Yes, everything seems to be back to normal.


CHESTER watches them go.

CHESTER

There’s a good reason for that. But the less they know, the better.
He enters the living room, where HAROLD is trying to stir BUNNICULA

HAROLD

How’s it going, buddy? Come on, the sun just set. You can wake up now.
The rabbit responds listlessly.
Hey Chester. What’s wrong with Bunnicula?

CHESTER

How should I know?

HAROLD

His ears are dragging.


HAROLD touches the rabbit’s nose.
And his nose is warm. That’s not a good sign.

CHESTER

You’re imagining things.

HAROLD
I am not. Hey, Hey! Toby! Toby! Come here!
TOBY runs in.

TOBY

What’s the matter boy? Why are you barking?

HAROLD

Check out the rabbit!

TOBY

Are there burglars?

HAROLD

The rabbit! The rabbit!


TOBY

Do you need to go out?


HAROLD

No!
54
HAROLD points to the cage. TOBY tries to understand.

TOBY

Do you want to play with Bunnicula?

HAROLD
No!

TOBY

Should I take him out of his cage?

HAROLD

No! I mean yes! Yes! That’s a good idea! That way you’ll see for yourself!
He nods his head furiously.

TOBY

I have to ask mom first.

HAROLD

Don’t ask her! She always says no!

TOBY

You wait here. I’ll be right back.


TOBY exits.

CHESTER

When it comes to communications skills, you’re not exactly Lassie, are you?

HAROLD
Darn it. She ruins everything.

CHESTER

Take it easy.
TOBY reenters.

TOBY

Sorry, boy. Not without adult supervision.


TOBY goes into the kitchen, grabs a plate out of the refrigerator and exits.

HAROLD looks at BUNNICULA who shudders with illness.

HAROLD

But this isn’t right. Not right at all.

CHESTER

That’s what happens when you leave Transylvania.

HAROLD

He’s sick, Chester. I don’t know what to do.


55
CHESTER

Well, don’t cry about it.

HAROLD

Dogs don’t cry. Unless they eat something rotten.

CHESTER

Don’t worry, everything will be fine. Why don’t you go visit Toby? I saw him carrying a plate of cheese and crackers to his room.

HAROLD

Cheese?

CHESTER

And crackers.
HAROLD hesitates.

HAROLD

You’ll keep an eye on Bunnicula.

CHESTER

All night long. I promise.


BUNNICULA begins to shake as CHESTER looks at him malevolently.

HAROLD

I suppose I could see if he needs…help with his homework.

CHESTER

He depends on you, Harold. Don’t let him down.

HAROLD

Okay then. I’ll be back in the morning.


CHESTER follows him out of the room.

BUNNICULA looks for CHESTER, then quickly pops out of the cage and
tires to scamper into the kitchen.

But CHESTER appears with a flashlight and turns it on, preventing


BUNNICULA from entering the kitchen.

CHESTER

Not so fast, rabbit. Let’s shed a little light on the subject.


BUNNICULA cowers on the floor as CHESTER moves closer to him. HAROLD suddenly pounces into the room.

HAROLD

I knew it! I knew you were up to something!

CHESTER

Get out of the way, Harold. He must be stopped.


56
HAROLD

You’re starving him, aren’t you? By not letting him in the kitchen! That’s why the vegetables have stopped turning white.

CHESTER

He’s a vampire! Today it’s vegetables. Tomorrow…the world!

HAROLD

That’s ridiculous.

CHESTER

Go back to Toby’s room, Harold. It may seem harsh to you, but I’m only being cruel to be kind.

HAROLD

Kind to what? A few cucumbers? You’re not making any sense.


He approaches CHESTER menacingly.

CHESTER

Where are you going?


HAROLD
The kitchen. If that’s all right with you.
CHESTER
You’re not planning anything…rash, are you?

HAROLD
I’m just going for some water. See?
He grabs his “HAROLD” water cup.

CHESTER

Now you’re being reasonable. You may pass.


HAROLD squeezes past CHESTER to the kitchen. He heads straight for the
refrigerator and pulls out a giant bowl of salad, full of leafy greens and
vegetables. The bowl is huge, as big as a table top.

CHESTER continues to bar BUNNICULA’S way.

Just try me, you undead rodent. You’ll see how fast a cat can scratch.

HAROLD pushes past CHESTER bringing the salad bowl.

Hey! What’s the idea?


HAROLD puts the bowl on the floor next to the table.

HAROLD

There’s your dinner, bunny. Go to it!

CHESTER

Oh no you don’t! Yowwww!

HAROLD
Look out, Bunnicula!
A general melee ensues, with the rabbit. CHESTER and HAROLD all
jumping into the bowl, throwing lettuce, tomatoes, and carrots around the
room in the process.
57
LIGHTS come on brightly as the entire Monroe family rushes into the
room. Each of the animals freezes in place.

MR. MONROE

What’s going on here?

CHESTER

Oh, no!

MRS. MONROE

It’s Chester again! This is your last chance, kitty!

TOBY

Mom, look at Bunnicula. He seems scared.

MRS. MONROE

Of course he’s scared. We must have left the cage open and he got out. Looks like Chester’s been chasing him.
CHESTER
Since when is everything my fault.

HAROLD
You were, you know.

TOBY
Bunnicula looks sick, Mom.

MR. MONROE

Hmm…We’d better have the vet drop by and look him over.

MRS. MONROE
Chester too.

HAROLD
Ha. Serves you right!

MR. MONROE

And Harold, while we’re at it. He’s probably due for his shots.

HAROLD
Hey! No fair!

TOBY
Quiet, boy.

PETE
He’ll get better, won’t he, Dad?

MR. MONROE

I wish I knew, Pete. He looks awfully weak.


HAROLD approaches the audience.

HAROLD

Not a very good way to end a story is it?


The family, along with BUNNICULA, shake their heads sadly.
58
When everything seems so hopeless. But thank heavens for Dr. Wasserman, the neighborhood vet.

The puppeteer throws off his shroud, revealing himself as DR.


WASSERMAN (and startling the cast.)

He said that Bunnicula was suffering from extreme dehydration, and immediately put him on a new diet of vegetable juice.
WASSERMAN pulls out a baby bottle filled with red fluid, and feeds it to
BUNNICULA. BUNNICULA slowly comes back to life, happily hopping
around the stage.

MR. MONROE
Well, what do you know?

PETE
Cool!

MRS. MONROE
Just look at him go!
Then WASSERMAN pulls out a tongue depressor, and sticks it in
CHESTER’s mouth.

HAROLD

Chester was diagnosed as emotionally overwrought. The vet said he had a case of sibling rivalry with Bunnicula. Hey Chester,
what’s a sibling? Is it anything like a sapling?

CHESTER angrily pulls out the tongue depressor and throws it on the floor.

CHESTER

Only in your case.


WASSERMAN sympathetically hands the Monroes a card.

HAROLD

At any rate, the Monroes were given the name of a good cat psychiatrist.

MRS. MONROE

Poor kitty. We’ll get you some therapy.

HAROLD

And as for me, I wasn’t due for shot for several months. So I got a doggie pop.
WASSERMAN gives HAROLD a lollipop.
And oddly enough, there have been no more appearances of white vegetables.

CHESTER

Which only proves my theory.

HAROLD

What do you mean?

CHESTER
Obviously, the liquid diet satisfies his cravings.

HAROLD
So he’s not a vampire?

CHESTER

Of course he’s a vampire. But he’s a modern vampire. He uses a juicer.


59
HAROLD turns back to the audience.

HAROLD

Well, whatever he is, we’ve become good friends. He still doesn’t say much, but he snuggles up next to me by the fireplace at
night.

CHESTER
How sweet.

HAROLD

Don’t be jealous Chester. You know you’re still the only one I can talk to. Come on. Put it there.
He extends his hand to CHESTER.

CHESTER

That trick’s for dogs. Cats don’t shake hands.


HAROLD starts to put his hand down, hurt.

But BUNNICULA hops over to CHESTER and pushes him toward HAROLD.
Hey! Quit pushing!

HAROLD

See? Even Bunnicula knows we should be friends.


CHESTER is in front of HAROLD.

CHESTER

Well…Apologies don’t come easily for cats.

HAROLD
As we all know.

CHESTER

But I guess I can put up with this long-eared groundhog if you can.
They shake on it.

HAROLD
Thanks, Chester.
CHESTER swings around to point a threatening claw at BUNNICULA, who
sniffs at the chair.

CHESTER

Just don’t touch the chair.


BUNNICULA quickly shakes his head.
HAROLD turns to the audience.

HAROLD

So that’s the story of the mysterious stranger. And how he became not so strange after all.
Music begins for a reprise of PET IN THE HOUSE

CHESTER
Life in this house got very odd
When that rabbit came to stay

HAROLD
But there’s no reason for concern
Bunnicula just wants to play
60

CHESTER
It could be those books that made me scared
They may have warped my mind
He selects a new book.
So now I’m sticking to the classics
Like this one-
He peruses the title and looks up.
Frankenstein!

EVERYONE

Oh there’s nothing like a pet


BUNNICULA dances.

CHESTER

He can dance the minuet!

EVERYONE
Yes there’s nothing like a pet
No there’s nothing like a pet
Truly nothing like a pet in the house!

Music comes to a crescendo.

The spot focuses on BUNNICULA, who smiles at the audiences showing his
fangs.

THUNDER and LIGHTNING.

END OF PLAY