Obstacles towards Holiness

By: Lavanyah Ann Fernandez

I cannot tell you the date or even what I wore, but I can tell you the exact moment I lost my
faith in God.

Eddie Redmayne was on screen and he played Steven Hawking amazingly well. The movie was
called ‘’The theory of everything’’, the irony is that it nearly did cost me everything. It was a
critically acclaimed movie which undid almost 24 years of strict Catholic upbringing. I don’t live
under a rock nor am I not well read. However, that movie changed how I saw the world. I
couldn’t look at the crucifix without some treacherous thoughts like what if they were all fables
that are meant to control us. Every Sunday school class I attended and every question I thought
I knew the answer to did not prepare me for the ultimate test, which is growing up and facing
obstacles that kept me away from holiness. It hit me suddenly that this may not just be me, but
there are plenty more just like me who are going or went through this.

‘When there is no hello, from the other side’

At one point in our lives, we have all questioned if our prayers that we so vehemently pray to
God are actually going to him or are we just talking to air. I tell you from experience that it is
truly hard to constantly keep praying for something and not receiving any sign in return. This, in
turn, will lead us away from our faith. For example, take the mind of a youth who is learning to
grow in faith. Someone of his age would probably be praying for materialistic items, such as a
PS4 or even to get through a school examination. Take it from someone who has not only
prayed for these kinds of things, but has also burned candles for such causes, it is a bitter
disappointment when you don’t see the results of your prayers. We are disappointed in God
and even though we know better, doubt will still find its way creeping into our hearts. We may
not realize it, but it is in these small reoccurring disappointments that we turn ourselves away
from God and his Holiness.

It is rarely in a church that we find ourselves contemplating God, rather it is when we face
adversities and trials that the real test of believing in him is tested. It is when we cry out to him
during such times and are still left helpless that our faith is truly tested.

My family was recently dealt with the cancer card. Someone very close and dear who had
already been through a lot in life was again being tested by Him. I know that person suffered a
lot with chemotherapy and had to deal with the effects of it. And when you’re dealt with such
difficult cards, you tend to lose faith in God, with thoughts like "why am I the one going through
this?" To many out there, who are not as fortunate as my family and have lost their loved ones,
it is easier to blame God for the loss. God being available but does nothing is not almighty and
is not all-adoring. So it is easier to turn away from him than to remember that death is a part of
life.
I’ll do it later, Mum

This part is what I call the “I’ll do it later, Mum" because while growing up, my mother would
always nudge me to read the bible or say the rosary with her and somehow my usual response
to her would always be “I’ll do it later Mum”, which I rarely do. Whether you admit or not,
many of us are guilty of not prioritizing our religious life because of a football game or feeling
the effects of a late night out. We always seem to put the church or God on the "I’ll do it later,
Mum" list.

We have come to see the church as a symbol of avoiding the wrath of our mothers and God,
rather than actually finding redemption in Him. “The Chipsmore Catholics”, as some priest may
call them, are what would become of our future generations if we don’t root out those
problems that cause us to drift further away from God. This could stem from the fact that
millennials, in particular, have no reason to look for God when there is no space for him in their
social life. Unless God himself decides to get on Instagram or Facebook, you would rarely find
him getting any “likes” or “retweets”. Hence, where there is no purpose for him, very rarely
would you spend time learning and loving him.

Part of the reason youths feel so disconnected with God is that we simply don’t understand
what is being said in the scriptures. We can argue that all of us grew up going to Catechism
classes, but how many of us actually retain the information and knowledge that’s been passed
on.

In a modern world, where everything is simple and easily understood, lost are the psalms of
love that sang the foretelling and greatness of God, the heroics of David and Daniel and even
tales of King Nebuchadnezzar. To some extent, I would even say people do not understand the
parables that Jesus himself speaks of in the New Testament. The irony is that Jesus spoke in
parables because at that time, people were not interested in God’s truth. At that time, they
were not Christians, but we should ask ourselves why are we the same.

In Matthew 13:11, 14, 15, we see that because of the unwillingness of the people to accept
God’s message, Jesus had to speak of earthly stories with heavenly messages. In 1 Corinthians
2:7,8,11,14, we see St Paul in Corinthians mirroring these thoughts when he says that the
foolish man will not understand the Spirit of God because he is spiritually discerned. What it
means is a man not interested in understanding the spirit will not be able to understand what
God wants through his teachings. Therefore, it shows us that when we lack the understanding
that comes from listening to the Word of God, it pushes us further from God, especially when
no comprehension comes while we listen.

One of the biggest challenges we face as Catholics is that we are sometimes seen as mindless
robots. The lack of understanding of our church tradition prevents us from knowing the reason
behind our laws and its purpose. We are not equipped with the knowledge to make Catholics a
chosen people. It is also our doctrines that set us apart from our other Christian brethren, and
yet have you actually ever sat in mass and wondered what do I say during this time or when I
have to put my hands together and pray. Do I constantly ask for what I want or do I thank him
for what I have? Which memorized prayer should I say now? Or do I just think of yesterday's
football match and keep my mind occupied. Growing up a Catholic, we go for our Sunday
classes to enrich our faith. But we should ask ourselves how many of us are able to answer any
of the above-asked questions on our Confirmation day.

This brings me to my other reason why we are hindered from holiness when we go out into the
world. This is when you will face your version of “the theory of everything movie” that I went
through. In this modern time, where the need for God and religion becomes obsolete because
of science, we will find ourselves questioning his existence. Atheism did us no favour by
becoming popular, especially in the west and among celebrities. Monkey see, monkey do have
become a trend and young adults usually succumb to the pressure of becoming an atheist. But
it does not stop just there, many other kinds of beliefs such as agnostic, theist, even deist have
mushroomed. People just follow a cause that they feel is best for them. Just like feminism,
many fight to believe but do they know what they believe in? Instability in a religion is a prime
cause for people to step away from God and his holiness.

Seeing as it is the month of November, and it is a special month - no, not because Christmas is
coming - because it’s the time of the year where we honour the saints. The 1st of November is
an iconic day for the many saints in our Catholic faith. Here’s a question to ponder on; what is
the fundamental difference between them and us? They are in heaven and we are on earth, but
where did they start from? Every saint that has ever lived was once a mere human just like you
and me. And if you think that you have a questionable past, then maybe you should have some
tea with St Augustine and compare notes on how as a young man, he is alleged to have had a
mistress and a son. He turned his life around and became the "doctor of the church". Some
saints did not have a good past but they found God and changed to become the people that we
honour on this day of obligation. So holiness does not see blood, colour or race, it is the simple
things that you do to be holy.

I started this by telling you the day I lost faith in God, but oddly and mysteriously, it was
another movie that helped me get back my faith. A philosophy lecturer stood in his class one
day and he told his students that it will be easy to pass his class provided they do this one thing.
They had to write “God is dead” on a paper and give it to him or drop his class. One student
stood up and defended his faith against science, peer pressure and society. At the end of the
movie, all I felt was joy, such profound joy that I found my way back to God. I told myself that
no matter how much I research, I will always remind myself that faith is when you look for
answers, fail to find them, and still choose to believe.

One of my favourite verses from the bible comes from the gospel of Luke when Jesus said it was
not the healthy who needed a doctor, but the sick, and that he had not come to call the
righteous, but the sinners, to repentance.