Emotional Intelligence

Master Your Social Skills, Take Your EQ To

The Next Level And Improve Relationships in
14 Days
Paul
Copyright 2018 by Paul Anderson- All rights reserved.

The contents of this book may not be reproduced, duplicated or transmitted

without direct permission from the author.

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Table Of Contents
Introduction............................................................................. 4
What is Emotional Intelligence? ............................................. 6
Models of Emotional Intelligence ......................................... 19
Signs of High Emotional Intelligence ................................... 27
Emotional Intelligence Comparisons .................................... 41
Emotional Intelligence 14-Day Challenge ............................. 44
Conclusion ............................................................................. 53

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Introduction
Welcome to the Understanding Emotional Intelligence
ebook. In this guide, we present information about
emotional intelligence. You‟ll learn the origins of this
scientific concept. You‟ll learn ways to improve your own
emotional intelligence. You‟re also provided with a special
14-Day Challenge for developing your emotional intelligence.

By the end of this ebook, we hope that you‟ll have a great

understanding of emotional intelligence and how it applies
to real life. Feel free to take notes and come back to sections
throughout the book. Many of the concepts may take a while
to truly get a grasp on.

So without further delay, enjoy the Understanding

Emotional Intelligence ebook!

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What is Emotional
Intelligence?
Emotions play a major role in how we interact amongst each
other, with the environment, and even with ourselves.
Emotions are one of the major driving forces that shapes
how we view and experience reality. With such high
importance, understanding our emotions is important. We
can learn to control them, learn why certain things may
occur to us, and even give hints about what situations to put
ourselves in for the best outcome. There are plenty of
reasons for taking a closer look at our emotions.
Emotional Intelligence is simply having an awareness of our
emotions. We experience emotions from the moment that we
are born. Over time, we learn about the core emotions of
happy, sad, excitement, fear, etc. but these are just a handful
of emotions. We go through a wide range of emotions
everyday. The better understanding that we have of them,
the more emotional intelligent that we are considered. There
are five main pillars for getting a sense of our emotional
intelligence. These pillars include self awareness, self
regulation, motivation, empathy, and our social skills. We‟ll

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take a closer look at each of these to learn about how they
contribute to our overall emotional intelligence
Self Awareness
Self Awareness is the first pillar of emotional intelligence.
Self awareness is defined as simply being aware of yourself.
This includes an awareness of our thoughts, emotions,
feelings, behaviors, and more. In order to truly recognize
how much our emotions affect us, we have to know about
ourselves in a variety of different states. How to you act when
you are happy? What thoughts go through your mind when
you‟re sad? After recognizing the main emotion that you‟re
experiencing at the time, being aware of how it ultimately
affects you is an important step to being self aware.
Someone who is very self aware will know exactly what to
expect of themselves with every emotion that comes across.
This isn‟t something done overnight. We have to experience
a range of emotions and thoughts associated with them in
order to make the connection to the specific emotion.
Emotional intelligence is all about having an understanding
of emotions. Self Awareness helps with this understanding.
This is one of the main pillars of emotional intelligence
because it gives specific insight about ourselves and our
relation to certain emotions. Not everyone experiences
emotions the same. Simply reading about emotions won‟t
give you the complete analysis of them. We have to take any
learned information and see how it applies to us specifically.

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Becoming more self aware means that you‟ll be doing a lot of
self-reflection. You have to be aware of everything about
yourself. This way, when put into different situations of
emotion, you can have a good understanding of your own
expectations.

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Self Regulation
Self Regulation is the second pillar of emotional intelligence.
Self awareness is an important first step before you can begin
a process of self regulation. Self regulation is a method of
being able to control your emotions. Before you can control
your emotions, you have to be able to recognize what your
emotions are at the time. This is the pillar of self awareness.
Once you know exactly which of the emotions you‟re feeling
at a particular time, you can consciously control your
reactions to them.
How does self regulation affect emotional intelligence? Being
smart about our emotions means that we‟re more in control
of them instead of letting our emotions shape our reality and
behavior. Having the capacity to regulate your emotions
means that you can decide whether you‟ll “agree” with how
you should be feeling. Positive events that spark positive
emotions would be great to be a part of. Other situations may
evoke negative emotions. These, you may not be so inclined
to invest your time in. For either situation, recognizing what
kind of emotions are present makes it easy for being able to
regulate them.
Self Regulation puts control in your hands. Many decisions
are made based off emotions, for example. Whether positive
or negative, you‟ll see many things being cause by the way
our emotions make us feel at a particular time. Regulation

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doesn‟t mean that you‟ll be suppressing emotions or
restricting them from ever occurring. It‟s just about
recognizing the particular emotion and choosing how you‟ll
be affected by it.

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Motivation
The third pillar of emotional intelligence is motivation.
Motivation is our personal drive to do and accomplish
things. We are all familiar of motivation somehow. Maybe we
get motivation from our parents or coach, other people
watch daily motivational videos. Others look inward for the
motivation that they need. Each of these forms of motivation
are divided into two categories, extrinsic motivation and
intrinsic motivation. They each have characteristics that
relate to our overall emotional intelligence.
An important side of emotional intelligence comes from
intrinsic motivation. It follows along the trend of first having
self awareness and then being able to regulate those
emotions. Intrinsic motivation is actually having the drive to
regulate and control the emotions that you are experiencing.
No matter how much you can identify your emotions, if you
don‟t have the willpower to change them, then you won‟t.
Having intrinsic motivation means that immediately upon
recognizing a particular emotion, you can decide how you
want to react to it. You are essentially finding an inner
purpose for wanting to make a change in your emotional
state.
Extrinsic motivation is also very important to emotional
intelligence. We can get motivated by any number of stimuli
throughout the day. These forms of motivation can move us

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to do positive and even negative behavior. Not everyone may
have the inner strength when starting out to control your
emotions. You‟ll need a “coach” or “mentor” to help instill in
you reasons why you should monitor your behavior in any
scenario.

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Empathy
Emotional intelligence isn‟t just about understanding your
own emotions. It‟s also about being able to recognize the
correct emotions in someone else. This is where empathy
comes into play, the fourth main pillar of emotional
intelligence. Empathy is having an understanding about
another person just as much as you do yourself. This can be a
difficult task to accomplish without considering the main
keys to being effective at this.
Listening is necessary for being empathetic towards other
people. When listening, we can pick up on verbal cues that
indicate the emotions that they may be going through. This
can be stated verbatim or we can usually get a sense based on
how they‟re communicating. Other verbal cues should also
be taken into account when listening for understanding.
Examining behavior is another important aspect of being
empathetic. Most communication between people is done
nonverbally. This can be both conscious and subconscious
behaviors. Regardless of how the person is conveying
themselves, we can learn to pick up on the critical signs that
hint to the types of emotions they may be feeling.
Having empathy is a valuable portion of emotional
intelligence. We first have to know how to identify different
emotions. Once you know what to expect based on certain
emotion symptoms, we can identify them in other people.

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Recognizing emotions in someone else can help significantly
with knowing how to respond or behave towards another
people. While you may not be able to control their emotions,
you can adapt to the emotions they are displaying and be
aware not to have them affect your own emotions.
Social Skills
Social skills are a way to combine all of the other pillars,
making this the fifth and final pillar of emotional
intelligence. Social skills define the way that you interact
with other people in a social environment. Emotional
Intelligence plays a big role in our communication skills,
both verbal and nonverbal, as well as understanding the
other person. Social skills aren‟t something we are born with.
We have to learn how to communicate and there are many
ways to improve how we communicate with others. Our
social skills determine how we make it through life. The
better your social skills, the more of a “people-person” you‟ll
be considered.
Emotional intelligence determines the amount of social skills
we can communicate effectively. High emotional intelligence
is usually linked to having more positive interactions in
social environments. Low emotional intelligence means
having a less-than-favorable engagement. Some people have
natural talent in being able to read other people as well as
themselves and finding a balance between the two while
communicating. This is simply a sign of having emotional

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intelligence. Recognizing the relationship between our
emotions and another person‟s is a good way to ensure that
the interaction goes as you want.
Emotional intelligence affects both aspects of social skills,
verbal and nonverbal. We tend to portray ourselves
differently when we have either high or low emotional
intelligence. High emotional intelligence just provides more
information to you about another person and how they are
making you feel. From this perspective, you can truly
customize your experiences by being mindful of emotions at
all times.

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History of Emotional Intelligence

Intelligence was the primary factor to consider when
analyzing people. Intelligence, or our IQ, revealed a lot about
our behavior. That is, up until the point that emotion was
considered to be a contributing factor. Scientists ad
psychologists began to consider the notion that brainpower
wasn‟t the only thing affecting us in our daily lives. Once
emotion was mentioned, professionals had to reconsider
their entire models for behavior.
Emotional Intelligence was a term coined by Michael
Beldoch in 1964. This term was used in a research paper but
wasn‟t accepted so broadly at the time. In the following
years, the term „emotional intelligence‟ was also seen in a
paper by B. Leuner in 1966, as well as other publications. It
is also seen as an alternate phrase of „interpersonal
intelligence,‟ as used by Howard Gardner in his book Theory
of Multiple Intelligences. All of these early mentions of
emotional intelligence have been instrumental in the
development of the phrase at it relates to behavior. With
each subsequent article, paper, or book publication, each
author and scientist takes the definition even further,
stretching our meaning of emotional intelligence and its
future importance to really understanding human behavior.

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Emotional Intelligence eventually began a wide spread
buzzword thanks to the work of Daniel Goleman. In his book
Emotional Intelligence – Why it can matter more than IQ
which was published in 1995, Goleman clearly identifies
what emotional intelligence is and why it should be a major
consideration point when studying behavior.
A scientific theory is just that, a theory, until it‟s tested and
proven. Researchers set out to begin testing for emotional
intelligence soon after it was referenced for the first time.
But how do you go about measuring someone‟s emotional
intelligence? The initial definition was as vague as stating
that it‟s a way to examine our feelings and another person‟s
feelings. By this definition, there isn‟t too much available for
testing the theory of its importance. It wasn‟t until later
definitions were expanded upon by Goleman that it became
possible to better test for emotional intelligence. He is the
reason that the main pillars are incorporated into what
emotional intelligence it. After his work, researchers were
much more confident in how they went about testing
emotional intelligence.
The theory of emotional intelligence held firm in most
people‟s eyes and it was then accepted as a factor in studying
behavior. This didn‟t stop the development of the buzzword.
After Goleman‟s widespread recognition of the importance of
emotional intelligence, it quickly began to take various
forms. Depending on who was studying emotional

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intelligence, definitions and models were created to fit the
theories. Even with the current developments of emotional
intelligence, it‟s used both as a measurement tool all while
still being examined against some of the older determinants
of behavior to test its validity.

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Models of Emotional
Intelligence
Emotional intelligence models were created as a way of
analysis. There are many scenarios for which analyzing
someone‟s emotional intelligence can come in handy. This
can be everything including work environments, social
settings, leadership, and more. Different models of
emotional intelligence were created for these different
scenarios, in an attempt to find the most fitting model for all
instances. The models also may have different focus points,
making them more useful in one setting than another.
Understanding each of the three emotional intelligence
models will be helpful in knowing more about emotional
intelligence and its application across industries.
Ability Model
The Ability Model of Emotional Intelligence is one of the
leading models. It was developed by Salovey and Mayer after
several discussions about emotional intelligence and an
appropriate way to define it. The Ability model is based on
emotions being a resource of information for understanding
the environment around us. The abilities of emotional
intelligence are unique to each person. Everyone has a
different ability of interpreting emotional messages. It‟s a

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cause for differing levels of emotional intelligence. It‟s our
job to relate emotions to a wider cognition for truly
understanding their role in each situation.
The Ability model divides the actual emotional ability into
four different types. These types aren‟t mutually exclusive.
They each work together for the overall goal of
understanding emotions. The four types of abilities are
perceiving emotions, using emotions, understanding
emotions, and managing emotions.
The first type in the Ability model is perceiving emotions.
Perceiving emotions is an important first step for all
emotional intelligence. It‟s about being aware of emotions.
You must recognize emotions in yourself and other people.
You have to be aware of the emotions before you can move
forward with anything dealing with emotions. Perceiving
emotions takes practice and a familiarity with emotions.
The second type in the Ability model is using emotions. Now
that you‟re aware of emotions, it‟s important to know how to
use them. Not all emotions are appropriate in every
situation. Using emotions is about recognizing the
environment or situation that you‟re in and portraying
effective emotions. In a business setting, this can be seen as
using emotions to make decisions. Ever heard of the phrase
“gut feeling”? This is a prime example of perceiving your
current emotion and using it when it arises.

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The third type in the Ability model is understanding
emotions. Now that you‟re able to perceive emotions and use
them, it‟s time to examine the deeper meaning of emotions.
Emotions play major roles in every aspect of our life. It‟s up
to use to know exactly what they are, how they change, and
the effects that different emotions have on our reality.
Understanding emotions is important for interpreting a
situation based on the emotions that are present. You should
ultimately be able to interpret emotions for yourself and
other people.
The fourth type in the Ability model is managing emotions.
Managing emotions is similar to using emotions. Using an
emotion can be done in a variety of situations. Some of this
may be unconscious decisions to use an emotion. Other
situations may be calling for an emotion to be used but we‟re
aware of the consequences. Being able to manage our
emotions means that we have full control over them. We may
have different emotional urges but we decide whether or not
to go along with them. Once you have control over your
emotions, you are able to change how the environment
around you affects you.
The Ability model is a great representation of emotional
intelligence. Many people like this model because it‟s
measured with objective evidence. Testing a person using the
Ability method involved testing for each of the four
characteristics in the model. It‟s often done with problem

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solving based on your emotions. Even with the support of the
model, there are still people who oppose its validity. Their
main argument is that it‟s unpredictable, especially in a work
environment where it‟s supposed to be most effective.
Trait Model
The Trait Model is another one of the leading models for
describing emotional intelligence. The Trait model has
obvious differences from the Ability model. The main basis
of the Trait Model is to examine the emotions within
yourself. This model was proposed by K.V. Petrides and has
since become one of the main models used for researching
emotional intelligence.
There are difference ways of thinking about emotional
intelligence and what it truly should measure. Advocates of
the Trait model believe that emotional intelligence is
something only inside of us. The only way to measure it is
through self examination. Researchers of this model still
believe that emotions exist in other people but in terms of
how intelligent and in control we are of emotions, this only
requires us to be self aware. Self-awareness is a component
of the other emotional intelligence models. This model,
however, takes this examination a bit further. We must truly
understand ourselves, our emotions, and how they affect us
if we want to have a high emotional intelligence.
The Trait model consists of two major characteristics that
the other models lack. It takes into consideration our

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behavior and personality. Behavior is how we act. Our
behaviors are significantly shaped by our emotional state.
When we are happy, we behave a certain way, when we have
fear, we behave in other manners. The Trait model implies
that we can look at the way we are behaving to determine our
emotional state.
The other characteristic is personality. Personality is the type
of person that we are at the core. The Trait model believes
that our personality affects our emotions. Some people have
more of a predisposition to feel certain types of ways
depending on the situation. Once we know what king of
personality we have, we can better understand our own
emotions. Emotions also affect people differently. No two
people have the same levels of happiness or fear. The Trait
model shows us that our personality is the cause for these
differences.
Measuring emotional intelligence via our own self reflection
can be tricky. The subjectivity of our own emotions means
that it only works if we know ourselves but can look at it
from an objective perspective. Researchers have developed
many different tests for trying to measure this phenomenon.
Several of the tests are based one four major components:
well-being, self-control, emotionality, and sociability. Each
of these play major roles in emotional intelligence as we try
measure it within ourselves.

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Well-being is based on how we feel overall. The better off we
feel about ourselves, it‟s predicted that we are more in tune
with our emotions. Someone that exerts self-control also has
more of a handle on their emotions. Emotionality and
sociability are related to our behavior and how we actually
act based on our emotions. These are the main four
categories for which several other measurement tools are
held under.
The major differences between the Trait model from the
Ability model is that it examines inner evidence of emotional
intelligence as opposed to our outward display of it.
Mixed Model
The Mixed model of emotional intelligence was developed by
Daniel Goleman, the man responsible for the widespread
attention of emotional intelligence. The Mixed model
combines thinking from the Ability model and Trait model.
Many of the characteristics of the Mixed model were already
formed thanks to the publications of Goleman. It‟s a major
reason why it‟s one of the most popular models of emotional
intelligence that‟s used and studied today.
Emotional Intelligence‟s Mixed model includes the five main
pillars of emotional intelligence. These are the basis of the
study of this model. The other two main models were derived
from this central focus.
Self awareness is a pillar of the Mixed model. Self awareness
is the recognition of emotions, skills, and abilities within

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yourself. This step is important because you need to be
familiar with emotions within yourself before you can see
them in others and know how to use them to your advantage.
Self awareness may take time, especially if it‟s your first time
actually monitoring your emotions. This awareness requires
you to look inward. The awareness of your own emotions
means that you have some level of emotional intelligence.
Self regulation is another one of the pillars in the Mixed
model. Self regulation is about controlling your emotions.
You should be able to adapt to changes in situations and
environments. Self regulation only comes after you‟re aware
of your emotions. Only after this point will you be able to
monitor your emotions and make a conscious effort to use or
suppress them in different circumstance.
The third pillar of the Mixed model is social skills. Social
skills are very important for being able to navigate a normal
society. Social skills is a lot more than talking when
examining it from an emotional intelligence perspective.
Social skills require you to recognize verbal and non-verbal
communication. Both of these factors are important when
building relationships with other people.
Empathy is the fourth pillar of the Mixed model. Empathy is
all about other people. The mixed model, up until this point,
has mainly been about self-examination. Empathy is about
understanding emotions in other people. Once you‟re able to
identify emotions within yourself, you have an idea of what

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different emotions look like and how a person may react to
them. This knowledge is projected onto another person.
When interacting with other people, you‟re always most
effective when you can get a sense of their emotions. It gives
you much more information about their intentions and the
status of the interaction.
The fifth pillar for the Mixed model is motivation.
Motivation is about your drive for success and achievement.
Motivation can be either internal or external. Having a drive
towards some objective is important for navigating through
life. Emotions are a major factor in the way that we are
motivated, which is why it‟s an important part of emotional
intelligence.
One of the major characteristics about the mixed model is
that it concludes that people aren‟t necessarily born with
emotional intelligence. Instead, we‟re born with the ability to
learn emotional intelligence. This is one of the big
distinguishing factors from the other models. Compared to
the Ability model, the Mixed model includes more factors
than just those related directly to emotion. Compared to the
Trait model, the Mixed model takes the concept of emotional
intelligence much further than just our own self
examination.

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Signs of High Emotional

Intelligence
The entire concept of emotional intelligence deals with
having various levels of it. In general, it‟s best to have high
emotional intelligence. Measuring emotional intelligence can
be tricky, which is the basis for having different models of
emotional intelligence. There are many signs that someone
displays who has high emotional intelligence. If either of the
signs are shown, we can conclude that a person has high
emotional intelligence. On the other hand, if you want to
increase your emotional intelligence, these are a great place
to start improving.
Think About Your Feelings
Thinking about your feelings shows very high emotional
intelligence. The concept requires you to be self-aware. Self-
awareness is one of the major pillars of emotional
intelligence. The only way to become aware of your feelings
is to actively think about them.
Thinking about your feelings isn‟t just a one-time activity to
increase your emotional intelligence. We experience different
feelings depending on our environment, mental state, etc.
The more thought we put towards recognizing and
understanding out feelings, the better off we are. An

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advantage to thinking about your feelings is that you‟ll be
able to recognize the presence of different emotions in a
variety of situations.
Happiness is one of the most common emotions. Not
everyone experiences happiness all the time at the same
levels. Even in ourselves, we can experience different types of
happiness. When you spend time examining this emotion as
its happening, you become more aware of what happiness
means to you. This can also be applied to all other emotions.
Being self-aware of our emotions makes us a lot more
effective in society. We can predict how certain situations
may make us feel. With enough emotional intelligence, we‟ll
be able to avoid adverse situations and strive to have more
positive-effecting situations.
Patient
There‟s a common phrase stating that we “live in a fast
world.” Things are always changing: technology, the way we
interact with society, and even within ourselves. The
problem with having such a fast world is that we tend to get
caught up in the hustle and bustle of the world around us.
When he world moves fast, our only thought of survival is to
move fast along with it.
But what if this isn‟t ideal? What if we‟re still supposed to
find time to slow down? Patience is one of the signs of having
a high emotional intelligence. Patience takes you out of life‟s
fast lane. When you are patient, you allow more time to

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yourself for many beneficial activities. You can better
examine your current environment, feel how it affects you
emotionally, and just have a calm disposition about life.
Taking time to slow down and really pay attention can help
moving forward in life. It can teach you how to better
interpret situations and emotions. It‟s a major reason why
patience is such a big characteristic about emotional
intelligence. Patience adds to your awareness about not only
yourself, but your surroundings.

Control Your Thoughts

Our thoughts are what shapes our behavior and how we
experience the world. Positive thoughts will yield a more
positive outlook on life. Negative thoughts will result in the
exact opposite. Our thoughts are directly related to our
emotions. Many times we act purely based on the way that
we feel. Sometimes this happens without even having
thoughts behind the actions.
Controlling your thoughts is a way to have more conscious
decisions over how you behave and react. The power to
control your thoughts is no easy task. You always have tons
of thoughts running through your mind at any given
moment. There may be a mix of good and bad thoughts.
Depending on which thoughts we decide to act upon, it can
result in a related emotion. When you control your thoughts,
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you have better control over what emotions you eventually
display.
Some events automatically elicit certain emotions from us.
Others happen unconsciously. Controlling your thoughts
involves being aware of the current situation. You‟ll be able
to recognize certain emotions beginning to arise. Having
control over these is important for emotional intelligence.
More control over our thoughts means that we have a higher
emotional intelligence. It simply means that we don‟t let our
thoughts and emotions get the best of us.
Learn from Criticism
Nobody in this world is perfect. We all make mistakes. We
are all also constantly learning. There is no way of knowing
exactly how to act in all environments and situations when
we are born. Having this type of understanding only comes
from experience. We must continuously be exposed to new
events and environments that will shape our lives, hopefully
for the better. The most situations we experience, the better
off we will be when confronted with a similar type
environment.
A sign of high emotional intelligence is learning from
criticism. This can be verbal and nonverbal criticism. Verbal
criticism is when someone communicates with you in an
attempt to reshape your behavior. Criticism can be good or
bad. Regardless of the type of criticism, we must always learn
from it. It‟s ok to not get something right the first time. We

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can use criticism to our advantage for learning how to better
behave and navigate society. The more that we are exposed
to, the most we can learn and apply to new situations.
Nonverbal criticism is a reaction from some event happening
that gives us cues as to whether it‟s appropriate for our well-
being. An example of this is touching a hot stove. The
nonverbal criticism that we receive from touching the stove
is that we get burned. We then intuitively learn that hot
surfaces are no good for our well-being.
Both of these factors are important for emotional
intelligence. Learning from criticism indicates that we
recognize in ourselves that there is still a lot more to learn in
the world. You don‟t take things too personally and use every
opportunity, even bad occurrences, as a time for learning.
Authentic
Being authentic is one of the rarest traits in the world. There
are plenty of reasons for hiding our true selves. We often put
on a fake disguise socially for different reasons. People want
to fit in, are afraid to be themselves, and other reasons. Once
we are able to make ourselves truly authentic, we are said to
be more emotional intelligent.
Authenticity is seen in our mannerisms, the way we speak,
and even what we say. Someone who has high emotional
intelligence will display authenticity in all of these areas.
When you study body language and nonverbal behavior, we
find out that this accounts for a majority of the

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communication between two people. Knowledge of this can
definitely be used in a positive and negative way. The simple
knowledge and recognition of it is a sign that you are more
aware of emotions and behavior.
The way that we speak also must be seen as authentic. There
are many verbal techniques for persuasion and deceiving
someone else. There are also ways to make yourself appear
more likeable depending how you speak. Again, having the
awareness of this and how it affects the other person during
communication is evidence of high emotional intelligence.
Empathetic
The Trait model for measuring emotional intelligence is
about solely recognizing different emotions within yourself.
For other models, emotional intelligence is taken a bit
further. Emotional intelligence isn‟t just all about
understanding your own emotions. It‟s also about
understanding emotions in other people. A primary step to
being able to do this effectively is to be aware of your own
emotions and be aware of them. You need to be able to
identify the characteristics of different emotions in a general
sense. Once you‟re able to accomplish this, then starts your
practice with picking up on these signs within other people.

When you‟re empathetic, you have a good idea about the

types of emotions that the other person is feeling. It‟s a must
for being characterized as having a high emotional

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intelligence. When you‟re able to recognize different
emotions that other people are showcasing, it usually means
that you have a good concept of emotions. You‟ll be able to
predict how a person may behave in certain conditions or
just to have additional information about the interaction that
may be happening subconsciously. Having empathy makes
you more effective in social settings. You‟ll better be able to
relate to different people and connect with them during your
engagement.
Provide Feedback
They say that the best way to show that you know something
is to teach it to someone else. The same is true for having
emotional intelligence. When you truly understand
emotions, you‟ll be able to recognize the emotions in
someone else while providing context for the emotions.
Providing feedback is sharing your observations of the
emotions and reporting out your interpretation. People who
are confident about their understanding of emotions will
have an easier time communicating their feedback of them.
Providing feedback to others will help analyze any particular
scenario.
Feedback is not just one sided. You not only provide
feedback for others, but also yourself. Emotions are always
changing. At any given moment, we can be experiencing a
mix of emotions. We have to grow in awareness of ourselves
to recognize the emotions. When you‟re moving towards the

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stages of having more control over your emotions, providing
yourself feedback is crucial. You‟ll have to examine how
emotions make you feel, think, and behave. Give yourself
feedback on the kinds of emotions you feel in different
situations to determine if you want more or less of those
types of experiences.

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Honor Commitments
Honoring the commitments that you make are a sure sign of
having emotional intelligence. There are a lot of different
factors that go into understanding the relationship of
honoring commitments and emotional intelligence. The
major points are the view of ourselves and the effect that it
has on other people.
We all want to have a positive self-image. Everything that we
do in life is subjective. Something good for one person may
be detrimental to someone else. When you examine it from
your own perspective, if you are satisfied with how you
managed it, then you‟ll be closer to a positive self-image.
Making commitments and promises are inevitable in life.
The only way to have a positive self-image after making a
commitment is to follow through with it. Being conscious
about your self-image is a sure sign of having high emotional
intelligence.
The other side of honoring commitments is realizing that it
involves another party. We‟re frequently making
commitments to other people. When we are empathetic
enough, we‟re able to see the emotions that a certain
commitment brings to the other person. When we honor the
commitments, not only does it give ourselves a positive self-
image, but it also gives the other person a positive image of
us. Being able to relate to the other person for making a
commitment happen shows that your emotions are mature.

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Charitable
It‟s hard to go through life without the impact or influence of
other people. We are constantly creating new relationships
and connections with people in our society. One of the most
noble things a person can do is to be charitable. Being
charitable means that you willingly give to others who may
be less fortunate than you. This less fortunate can be just a
moment such as helping someone put groceries in a car. It
can also be something more long-term such as volunteering
to help the homeless. Both of these are considered charitable
acts. The scale of the charitable act isn‟t significant. The
overall thinking and approach to charity is the most
important aspect of it.

When someone is charitable, it means that they are putting

another person‟s needs above their own. You recognize that
you are in a position to help and use the power to make an
impact on someone‟s life, even if just for a moment.
Someone that is highly charitable means that they have a
high emotional intelligence. It involves thinking about other
people as much as yourself. It‟s a sign that you‟re aware of
the struggles of another person. It‟s done with outward
thinking and having a sense of the emotions of someone else.

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Aware of Emotional Environment
Up to this point, you‟ve had to learn to be aware of your own
emotions as well as the emotions of other people. There is a
third element to understanding emotions. It‟s very
significant for having high emotional intelligence. You need
to be aware of your current environment.
Different environments create different emotional situations
for us. A scary environment will cause a fear emotion in most
people. A wedding, on the other hand, will give emotions of
love and happiness. There may be a good reason that you‟re
feeling a certain way. It may not always be how you‟re
supposed to be feeling in a natural state. When you start to
pay attention to your surroundings, it can give great evidence
of you or another person‟s emotions.
Take for instance in a corporate setting, someone is going for
a job interview. This type of environment can make even the
most confident of people a bit nervous when going for a new
job. As an interviewer with high emotional intelligence, you
won‟t attribute their slight nerves to their personality but
more so to the environment and situation. There are many
implications where understanding the environment can be
very beneficial with adding to our knowledge of emotions.
Improving Emotional Intelligence
As some of the theories and models state, we aren‟t born
with having high emotional intelligence. It‟s something that
gets learned over time. Even with models that do agree to

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some extent that we have emotional intelligence when we‟re
born, it‟s still something that needs improvements over the
course of our lives. The key to improving emotional
intelligence is to examine each of the pillars of emotional
intelligence and making improvements upon them. The
result will be a higher overall emotional intelligence no
matter what model you‟re tested with.
The first pillar that you have to improve is your self-
awareness. Before you advance in any other area of
emotional intelligence, your self-awareness must be high.
You must be aware of your emotions, understanding them,
and how they‟re being influenced by your environment. In
order to improve this, you have to take time on your own to
reflect on yourself. In different situations, try to focus on all
of the emotions that you‟re feeling at the time. The more
situations and emotions that you examine, the better your
self-awareness is. You‟ll be able to recognize the same
emotions as they‟re present in other circumstances.
Next, for improving emotional intelligence, you‟ll have to
develop your skill of self regulation. This is perhaps one of
the hardest pillars to improve upon. Our actions are
controlled by our emotions, thoughts, personalities, and
behaviors. Any decision that we make may be based off any
combination of these. Improving upon your self regulation
means that all decisions that you make will be conscious
decisions. You‟ll have to exert control over how you may be

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feeling to truly make the choices that you want. The more
aware of your own emotions, the more you‟ll be able to have
some sense of control over them.
Motivation is a bit tricky to improve. As mentioned,
motivation can come from internal and external factors.
Motivation influences our drive for achievement and goals.
The bigger our goals, the more motivation we may need to
get started or continue. The way to improve on your
motivation is to actually set goals. When you have something
attractive that you‟re working towards, it makes it much
easier to go after it. When you‟re highly motivated, you put
yourself in control of your emotions to get your goals
accomplished. Emotions may get in the way of approaching a
difficult task but with the right motivation, you‟ll be more
focused on the goal than on the emotions that may be
holding you back.
Emotional Intelligence is also about our interactions with
other people. It‟s when you display empathy toward another
person. Improving empathy of course requires you to
interact with other people but it begins with yourself.
Becoming self-aware of your emotions is necessary for you to
be more empathetic. Our first exposure to emotions is within
ourselves. We don‟t truly know what happiness is until we
experience it. We don‟t really understand confusion until
we‟re struck with it. Once you can identify these emotions

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within yourself, you‟ll have an easier time recognizing them
in other people.
Having a high sense of empathy makes you much more
relatable to other people. As you build these relationships,
you‟ll start to improve upon your social skills. Social skills
and emotional intelligence act as parallels. The better your
emotional intelligence, the better your social skills will be,
and vice versa. Communicating in a social environment
requires some sense of understanding of the other person‟s
temperament. The more we interact with people, the better
we get at discerning the other person‟s emotions.

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Emotional Intelligence
Comparisons
Emotional intelligence is one of the newer analysis of
humans compared to its older counterparts. Many of the
concerns about emotional intelligence exist because of the
comparison to other popular measurement systems. The
most common are IQ and the Big Five Personality Traits.
Both of these scientific theories also analyze people, just
examining different aspects of ourselves. There are frequent
debates over which is more useful in a general sense. They
each have their own benefits. You can find similarities
between them and emotional intelligence as well.
Emotional Intelligence vs. IQ
Intelligence Quotient, or IQ, is a measure of someone
intellectual ability. Someone with a high IQ is seen as being
more logical and analytic. It plays an important role in
determining our capabilities from a pure brain-power
perspective. People with high IQ are considered „smarter‟
than someone with a lot IQ but is this always the case?
The answer to this lies in how we measure IQ compared to
how we measure emotional intelligence. IQ is based on your
mental abilities. It‟s tested using standardized test. It tests
areas such as problem solving, analytics, drawing

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conclusions, and more. Two people testing for IQ will take
the same test to have an even comparison.
The main aspects of emotional intelligence aren‟t solely
about our mental abilities as IQ suggests. Emotional
intelligence incorporates this mental ability and how it
applies to our relationships with other people. Emotional
intelligence is more focused on how we act with other people.
The way we measure for emotional intelligence is testing
various emotions and how we act or respond to them.
These two fields of research are very relevant when
examining a corporate environment. It‟s one of the best ways
to get a good visual of how they show up in real life. Someone
with a high IQ would be best at researching and problem
solving. Someone with a high emotional intelligence would
be a great team leader as they have more understanding of
their co-workers. It‟s important to have high levels of both of
these fields to be most effective in any setting.

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Emotional Intelligence vs. Big Five
Personality Traits
The Big Five Personality Traits are another method of
analyzing ourselves and others. These are five traits that
have the most effect on our personality. The five traits that
are measured with this method are: openness,
conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and
neuroticism. With this model, it‟s not a matter of having high
or low for any of these traits. They operate more like a scale.
For example, a person would either be very open or more
reserved. Or, someone may be highly agreeable versus
someone not so agreeable.
One of the models of emotional intelligence is the Trait
model. This model is often compared to the big five traits
because they both imply that our personality is a great way to
analyze someone. This model of emotional intelligence says
that personality plays a big role in our emotions. The big five
traits show that personality plays a role in our behavior. Both
of these have uses in a corporate environment as well.
Testing for the big five traits can predict the compatibility
between a person or a team of people as they attempt to work
together on a project. When you look at this same group
from the perspective of emotional intelligence, it will
examine the dynamics of the group as a whole, not just the
individual personalities.

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Emotional Intelligence 14-Day

Challenge
So you decided to read this ebook for obvious reasons. You‟re
apparently interested in emotional intelligence. Especially if
you‟ve made it this far. The best way to truly understand
emotional intelligence is to actually try it out. Measuring
your own emotional intelligence will let you know where you
currently stand. We‟ve put together a 14-day challenge to
help you prepare for your emotional intelligence test. This
challenge will help you to improve your emotional
intelligence. These will just be simple steps that you can then
research further. It will give you the opportunity to get a
taste of emotional intelligence.
Day 1: Get Quiet
The first step to having any kind of emotional intelligence is
to be self-aware. Getting quiet is the best way to really
examine your own emotions. Meditation is one of the best
ways to do this. Find a quiet place and block out a time of 15-
20 minutes (even five minutes could work if you‟re extremely
busy). When the time starts, sit in silence with your eyes
closed. Try to focus on solely your breathing. For a first-time
meditator, it‟s normal to have a lot of thoughts running
through your head or even feeling antsy. Don‟t try to

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suppress any of these feelings and instead, pay close
attention to them. This will start to give you an idea of the
way you feel and looking inwards.
Day Two: Go to the Gym
The first day was dedicated to examining yourself in a resting
state. Day two of the challenge is to go to the gym. It will be
the perfect opportunity to examine yourself in an active
state. The most important part of this activity happens
during the duration of it. You don‟t have to have a set work
out routine for this. You may not even have to go to the gym.
The main point is to do something active to get your heart
pumping. This can be done by looking up a simple morning
or night exercise routine online. While you‟re working out,
pay attention to your heart beat, your muscles, and the
euphoria after finishing. These are additional pieces to
emotions that we must understand for ourselves.
Day Three: Write in a Journal
The first couple days of the challenge was to help build your
self-awareness. Day three is to have a moment of reflection.
Take time to write in a journal the things you discovered
about your emotions. How did you feel during the two
activities? Which activity did you prefer? Are you seeing
similar emotions and feelings appear in other areas of your
life? Start by asking yourself basic questions such as these. It
will start to jog your memory about exactly what you were

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experiencing. When you‟re able to write it out, it also creates
new understanding about your discoveries.
Day Four: Go Somewhere Public
Now that you have had time to examine your own emotions
in solitude, it‟s time to examine them in real-time, out in
public. Go somewhere public such as a mall or park. Find
someplace to sit down where you can still see a lot of people
and activity passing in front of you. Take at least 30 minutes
to just sit and examine. The main goal of this day is still to
have self-reflection. Pay attention to the pace of the people
around you. Think about why they may be in a hurry. Think
about where they may be going. As you sit in silence in a
public space, try to focus on your inner thoughts. Everyone
doesn‟t move at the same pace. Some people get left behind
in a fast-paced city. Others can‟t find enough things to do
because they‟re moving faster than their environment. What
does your inner intuition tell you about how you match up to
your current environment?
Day Five: Analyze Your Decisions
We all make tons of decisions every day. Some of these may
be simple decisions such as what to wear for the day. Others
may be a bit more challenging such as deciding to start an
upcoming project. For today, make a conscious effort to
think about your decisions. Think about your decisions more
than just weighing the pros and cons. Think about how you
feel when analyzing options. If you go with one option, how

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do you think you‟ll feel? If you choose the second, would you
feel better? Analyzing your decisions as such will make your
thinking a lot more conscious. With practice, you can see all
the factors influencing a certain decision and have more
control over your thoughts in the process.
Day Six: Ask for Feedback
One of the downfalls to self-examining is that we tend to be
biased towards ourselves. Nobody wants to think of
themselves from a negative perspective. Possibly the
emotions that you‟re experiencing are truly reflective of how
you normally feel. The simple act of examination can change
what you‟re looking at. A solution to this is to ask for
feedback. Grab a family member or friend who‟s known you
for a while or seen you in a variety of situations. Ask for their
unbiased opinion about how emotional you are. Ask them to
go in depth and ask about specific events that you both have
in common. This will allow them to recall an actual event
and describe you to yourself from an outside perspective.
Day Seven: Do Something Fun
After all of this self-examination, it‟s time to have a bit of fun.
The challenge for today isn‟t much of a challenge. Think
about a fun activity that you‟ve been putting off but really
excited about doing. This can be something such as taking
your dream car for a test drive, going to the batting cages,
going ballroom dancing, or as simple as a trip to the movies.
The goal for today‟s challenge is to put you in a happy, and

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excited state. You‟ve already had the opportunity to become
a bit more aware of your emotions. During the activity, take a
few moments to examine how you‟re feeling and what the
possible reason for such high enjoyment.
Day Eight: Watch a Familiar Movie
Congrats on making it halfway through your 14-day
challenge. Up until this point, you‟ve mainly had an
opportunity to examine yourself in various situations. We
now move on to improving your skills with examining other
people. Jumping directly into a scenario can be challenging if
it‟s your first attempt at it. A way to ease yourself in is to
watch a movie. Not just any movie, put on something that
you‟ve seen and have a grasp on the plot/storyline. Select 3
to 5 prominent characters from the film. Watch the movie
and practice analyzing each of the characters. You already
know what happens in the film so you can better understand
their actions, behavior, and emotions. Try this out with
different types of films such as action versus romance versus
horror (if you‟re brave enough). This will expose you to a
variety of emotions and scenarios.
Day Nine: Help a Friend
Remember that friend or family member that you asked to
give you feedback? Now is time to return the favor. At this
point, they‟ll already be familiar that you‟re involved in this
14-day challenge. They‟ve already helped once so it‟s a good
chance they‟ll help again to assist you with completing the

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challenge. You have some familiarity with emotions and
from watching film, you can pick out emotion characteristics
in others. Either in conversation form or actually taking part
in an activity together, conduct some analysis on your friend.
Are they displaying similar emotions like you would expect?
How so they display emotions different from you? Everyone
has a unique way of showcasing their emotions. This will give
you a real-life trial one-on-one. When giving feedback to
them, ask them about the emotions they‟re feeling as well to
help confirm your hypothesis.
Day Ten: Set an Appointment with an Old
Friend
A sign of emotional intelligence is honoring your
commitments. Today, you‟ll have a chance to set this in
motion. Reach out to an old friend or colleague. You can
send a message via social media, email, give them a call, or
walk right over to their desk. Set up a time soon for you both
to go to lunch. We recommend lunch because it‟s not as
serious as a dinner date and for most people, it has a set time
limit due to their lunch break. You don‟t need to do anything
too serious for this day‟s challenge. The main purpose is to
ultimately honor your commitment to meet up with them.
Day Eleven: Volunteer
Emotional Intelligence isn‟t just about looking at your own
emotions. You‟ll also need to think outwardly. Thinking
about other people is a great way to show empathy. One way
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to accomplish this is to volunteer. Find a local organization
that may be hosting an event today or in the near future.
Reach out to them and volunteer. You can volunteer with
helping other people directly or for an event for example.
Both of these volunteer opportunities are beneficial. It‟s all
about putting others before yourself. Stay aware of how the
organization reacts to a job well done from you while asking
nothing in return. Also be aware of how you feel during and
after volunteering. If you‟re helping people directly, you can
also make note of how you make them feel with each gesture.
Day Twelve: Step Outside of Your Comfort
Zone – Individual
The challenge for today is all about stretching yourself. You‟ll
accomplish this challenge by doing something that‟s
normally outside of your comfort zone. Earlier, we gave you
an opportunity to do something fun. This time around, find
something that you normally wouldn‟t do. Are you afraid of
heights? Go find the nearest high lookout point. Afraid of
public speaking, join a speaking class. Or a more extreme
case, travel abroad to a new country. Either of these activities
are sufficient. The point of the challenge isn‟t to give you a
sense of fear. You‟ve been practicing understanding and
monitoring your emotions up to this point. Now is a time to
try to keep yourself in control during your chosen activity.
Day Thirteen: Participate in a Group Activity

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The challenge yesterday was to do something to focus on
yourself and remain consciously in control. Today applies the
concept of emotional intelligence is a setting where it thrives
the most. Take part in some group activity today. You can
find various team building exercises or go with a group of
friends to do an activity. Whatever you decide, make sure
that you‟re working together. You can plan a sports game
with friends or a problem solving activity, etc. Your challenge
is to pay attention to the dynamics of the team. How is the
collaboration between everyone? Are there certain emotions
that get in the way of pure synergy? As the activity
progresses, so can the dynamics. Be sure to make note about
everything you witness.

Day Fourteen: Take a Test

Congrats on making it to the final day of your 14-day
emotional intelligence challenge. Do you feel more emotional
intelligent than before? Well now is your time to see for sure.
You can find a variety of emotional intelligence tests online
or visiting an official testing site. Most people aren‟t even
aware of whether or not they are considered emotional
intelligent. During the test, how familiar does the material
appear to you? This isn‟t something that you studied books
for long hours. You effectively prepared for this test just by
going about normal life. This is a big reason why researchers

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like emotional intelligence as a better indication about how
we are as a person and interact in society.

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Conclusion

You‟ve made it to the end of this ebook on the topic of

emotional intelligence. If you‟ve had no prior knowledge
before, you should have a pretty good idea about what it is.
Emotional Intelligence is something you can apply to daily
life.

Were you able to complete the 14-Day challenge? Don‟t feel

rushed to complete it. Take your time to make sure you
accomplish each challenge. It will help significantly with
improving your emotional intelligence.

Thanks for checking out this ebook and we hope you‟ll share
it with a friend!

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