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ADVANCED ENGLISH I

UNIT 2: WRITING - TASK 2

SUBMITTED BY:
DAGO HELBERT MARTINEZ ACOSTA
MILTON WILLIAM BASTIDAS BASTIDAS
MARIO JOSE TIMANA
RAPHAELA MASSIEL MARTINEZ
GLADIS FABIOLA HERNANDEZ

GROUP: _9

TEACHER:
JULIO CESAR TULANDE RENGIFO

UNIVERSIDAD NACIONAL ABIERTA Y A DISTANCIA UNAD


ESCUELA CIENCIAS DE LA EDUCACIÓN
PASTO, APRIL 22 OF 2018
Children’s childhood immersed in unhappiness
School is the place where children meet new people and establish new interpersonal
relationships, which allows them to live together in society and accept themselves. It is coherent to
stop and think, what is happening with the well-being and happiness of the children? why their
integrity and mental health are being put at risk in a civilized society that is supposed to safeguard
the rights of the people and even more so when it comes to helpless human beings, such as children,
therefore it is a duty and commitment of all to watch over and protect children taking seriously the
matter in order to change the prospect, where it allows children to have more harmony with others
and with themselves both inside and outside the schools.

In this current society children feel unhappy due to many factors, which affect their emotional
and mental health, bullying and non-acceptance of their physical appearance are the situations that
lead children to immerse themselves in a low emotional state and sadness. According to recent
studies bullying statistics show that bullying is on the rise among young adults, teens and children.
The rise in these bullying statistics is likely due to a fairly recent form of bullying seen in recent
years called cyber bullying (nobullying.com, 2015) that is to say that bullying is the most serious
problem faced by children in schools around the world, and with the use of technology, this
flagellum is expanded and, through social networks, school bullying reaches overflowing limits.

It is coherent to say that not only English children suffer high percentages with the problem of
unhappiness, in Colombia our children suffer from these same problems added to other problems
that are seen daily in the country, networks are the right means for intimidation and threat.
Therefore, schools and states are permissive with this problem putting children's integrity and lives
at risk without taking serious policies that defend their rights. “In virtually every publicly aired
bullying complaint, the parents claim the school either “did nothing” or “didn’t do enough” to make
the bullying stop” (Kalman, 2016). Therefore it is important to include schools, families and state
which it allows taking corrective measures with the purpose of providing security and protection
to children.

To conclude, it could be inferred that the unhappiness of children is not because of use the
technologies but because of the misuse, that we have been given them, and the lack of sensitization
where we can inculcated them respect and compassion for the other, so that from a young age, they
can understand that all human beings are different, and through that difference they can live in
peace and in harmony with everything that surrounds them.

By Dago Martinez
Comments and feedback to partners’ contributions.
STUDENT FEEDBACK
MILTON WILLIAM Hello Milton, thank you for sharing your argumentative
BASTIDAS essay, taking into account your work I will make the
following observations. An argumentative essay is
constructed in the following way, an introduction, here we
talk about the subject in general trying to give a solution
quickly, then we go to the body of the essay where the
arguments are given supporting them by sources that give
reliability to the writing and finally, a conclusion should be
constructed where the arguments are quickly reviewed.
Taking these concepts into account, I personally consider
that your argumentative essay leans more to a summary of
the text and video, there are no arguments and points of
view in the writing that incline it to an argumentative essay,
although it should be noted, that there is interesting parts of
the writing. I think you should make some adjustments to
improve it. Thank you in advance for your attention and I
am attentive to your observations
MARIO JOSE TIMANA Cordial greeting partner Mario for sharing your essay,
first of all I want to make some observations that I have
noticed in your writing, for example I see some structuring
errors in the formation of a sentence even if they are
minimal should be taken into account the correct
grammatical structure, respect To the content the essay
personally I see that there is coherence and complies with
the request, since you gives your points of view and
defends your ideas. I suggest you support your arguments
with bibliographic material, on the other hand the writing
should have 400 to 500 words in this case that number is
exceeded
RAPHAELA MASSIEL Dear Raphaela, Personally I think that the introductory
MARTÍNEZ paragraph is not interesting because it focuses on giving
data about research that has been done, that is, it focuses on
summarizing the facts about the unhappiness of English
children.
Besides there is clarity in some parts of the paragraph
but in others only history of past events about bullying is
described.
In the last body of the paragraph there is coherence and
I personally consider that it complies with what was
requested in the first paragraph, missing adjustments to
give it a better organization and fulfill its objective of
argumentative essay
GLADIS HERNANDEZ Hello my dear Gladis, I congratulate you on your work,
it has good arguments and your point of view is evident,
although I would consider making some adjustments, for
example the text is very extensive, and for the reader it ends
up being boring, in the introduction it is the part where you
should concentrate the effort to give the idea of the subject
to be interesting and encourage the reader to continue
reading, in this part there are very interesting things in your
writing but personally, i consider you should summarized
it a little more to make way for the body of the essay and
this way does not exceed the number of words requested by
the activity guide, again I reiterate that you did a great job
but you have to review some things that allow a well-
structured writing

Influence of social networks


Personal appearance is the main worry for young people and mainly for the female gender.
According to the NEWS BBC "Children in England among unhappiest in world" August 2015.
This situation has been demonstrated in English girls who are rated as the unhappy in the world
compared with other countries worldwide. Body image and pressure of social networks are creating
a big gap between education and the physical acceptance of our children and young people
worldwide.
Front this problem, the question arises: Why is the influence of social networks on our lives
important? Maybe in the modern world there is a new need for recognition in virtual networks in
search of constant acceptance and popularity with other young people. The media and social
networks impose new beauty prototypes every day, taking the young and children most vulnerable
to emotional Bullying, increasing cases of adolescent depression.
According to NEWS BBC (august 2015) statistically we look that in Colombia there is a high
rate of physical acceptance compared to other countries, but within their schools there is an
aspiration and idealization of adolescents motivated by social networks and influenced by the
media of communication.
Recently, videos of emotional bullying or physical bullying have become viral in social
networks where we can to look as adolescent who don`t feel fear physically attacking a girl in front
the indifferent look of the other classmates and where the netizens seem to be motivated with these
situations of controversy. Without to understand that we are not only negatively influencing the
academic training, but we are also participating in the emotional bullying of our children and
adolescents. Case published in the week magazine that took place in the city of Medellín at “Inem
José Félix de Restrepo” School.
During the last years the use of mobile devices with internet connection has increased. The tools
and applications like chat or social networks became part of all the daily spaces including schools.
Agree with Matthew Reed, executive director of Children's Society. "The school should be a safe
haven, not a battlefield." Hence the importance of the accompaniment of parents and teachers
through instruction to improve the confidence of our adolescent. Following this accompaniment
there is also the need to educate children in the field of social networks to accompany them in the
virtual era and to avoid damage to the wellbeing of our adolescents. The improved conditions in
the education of our adolescents benefit not only their childhood but also their future. Finally, we
should have account that the education not only is advance in the academic field, also there must
be guarantees in the psychological and social area.
By Mario Jose Timaná
Comments and feedback to partners’ contributions.
STUDENT OBSERVATION
In general, it seems to me a good essay since it relates
statistical data and studies carried out on the subject. The
essay can be easily understood. Looking the structure of the
essay I think it can be improved since you have several ideas
based on written documents but I think you could including a
MILTON BASTIDAS question that supports your thesis and to show a stronger
conclusion of the topic chosen . In my case, for example, I
leaned for influence of social networks and evidenced its
importance in our lives, showing the importance have for our
young people of body image and evidencing the pressure of
social networks, creating a big gap between education and the
physical appearance of our children and young people
worldwide.

Dear Partner in your second essay, we can see that your


improved a lot, but do not forget to put your essay in a catchy
title that invites readers to read.
Dear partner, your work is good you essay show us
different opinions and references about the topic with
supported in investigations in this area. The title is very good,
GLADIS HERNANDEZ when we read, we know what it is about besides this topic is
very important to have account, because tomorrow we will be
a new teachers and we should to learn about the situations not
academic that affect the school life. Only I make a
recommendation, don’t forget make a question about the
topic, in this way you can organize your point of view easier.
Good job!!
Hello partner, Your essay is good. In that work we can find
elements like, an introduction, body and conclusion. on
DAGO MARTINEZ another hand your question what is happening with the well-
being and happiness of the children? Evidence a position
strong front the topic. I think that with your position we can
to consolidate the final work. Your grammar is correct for me,
and the idea is clear.
Dear partner, your work is good is clear to read and
understand the principal idea, also you cite authors and
RAPHAELAMASSIEL statistics about the topic and research of Andes University this
MARTINEZ way you give clarity clear out different points of view.
Raphaela, you can improve your work if you write a title, you
should make a question.... this way you can organized the
structure of essay. In the web conference of Saturday 21 -04
the Teacher explained us this topic.

Technology and unhappiness in children and young people

In this globalized world and in recent decades we have witnessed changes and a high development
of information and communication technologies (ICT) we can think of how daily life begins to be
planned within these platforms, so we ask ourselves: How is it affecting social welfare, the
happiness of children social networks in the whole world?

We as parents and future teachers are responsible for the children being put to good use to
technological applications where they communicate within the information contained in the virtual
media do not behave in isolation but is an interactive network There are many ways to cause harm
to the student through harassment such as the verbal bulling and the relational bulling. To cite the
school act to harm the student to another partner (or bulling) is the term used to designate situations
in which a group of students intentionally attack a partner in a systematic and repetitive
disadvantage of power among them.

While it is true that this type of social networks affect the quality of life of students when they
are misused, they may show low performance at school level, their mental health is affected, this
new technological aspect has not only made life easier for us, but also that also appropriated real-
world problems in which we live within these harassments the most influential is cyberbullying
which affects mainly young people who are the main consumers of technology. The ONU
determined that 55% of young Latin Americans have suffered from cyberbullying at some time in
their lives. Some victims, such as Chaux (2012), suffer from virtual harassment and are more likely
to experience anxiety and depression in the short and long term and, consequently, to have low
academic performance, unhappiness and even school dropout. As mentioned in the Angleščina
article has not been the exception, unhappiness problems affect this population, children and young
countries such as the United Kingdom is reflected in the unhappiness of boys and girls both due to
problems of cyberbullying caused by social networks and their happiness is compromised
according to statistics in the last position of this study.

When concluding that as a society we are forced to develop mechanisms to help mitigate the
control, prevention and repair in cases of cybersecurity without a doubt educational institutions are
those that most need to build ways to disrupt the problem creating prevention and control plans
against cyberbullying.

By Milton Bastidas
Comments and feedback to partners’ contributions.

STUDENT OBSERVATION
Dear Mario, the essay that you present is in accordance
MARIO TIMANA with what is stated in the articles of the work guide. I think
that you have to deepen the conclusion with which you started
the introduction of the essay. On the other hand we must base
with the bibliographical references.
DAGO MARTINEZ Dear fellow Dago, the essay in which you prescribe your
ideas is clear and has a coherence from start to finish, with
your hypothesis there are sustainable arguments and meets the
parts of the essay as an introduction, a body and a conclusion,
only a recommendation will make that you lack the main title
to keep your content as the main source of the idea.
Dear partner Fabiola thank you for your contribution to the
FABIOLA forum the essay that you present to us is clear and concise
HERNANDEZ from beginning to end but I would make some suggestions
you need a question on the subject to give coherence to your
hypothesis and be able to conclude more accurately the
subject approached
The work guide says your essay should contain 400 to 500
words and your essay goes beyond the limit
RAPHAELAMASSIEL dear partner Raphaela in the essay that you present us with
MARTINEZ all due respect I make the following suggestions: every essay
must contain a main title what will attract the essay, its
conclusion is not very clear in this part you conclude with
your hypothesis giving your point of view on the problematic,
the work guide suggests that the essay should contain between
400 and 500 words

Bullying a latent act of intimidation

Bullying implies a continuous repetition of ridicule or aggression and can lead to social
exclusion of the victim, in this case the school environment, the misuse of information and
communication technologies, and the lack of family support become axes main provocateurs to
carry out this type of behavior.
Analyzing our role as future teachers is very important for the establishment of new strategies
and other perspectives on the development and educational quality of our students, recognizing the
urgent need to address the problems that they incur in the school environment, as future
professionals we must be prepared to face and resolve situations that imply important damages in
the school environment. Unfortunately, it is notorious that we are not currently prepared to face the
conflicts that are manifest daily in the institutions of our country, this is due to the lack of
information and interest in getting involved in the conflicts that the students are continually facing.
Enrique Chaux, a specialist and researcher at the Universidad de los Andes, establishes that in the
public institutions of the country, bullying is more personal, facing the student; while in private
schools, where the phenomenon of bullying is more frequent, aggressions are more frequent
through social networks (cyber bullying or virtual bullying).
Now cyber bullying is a subtype of indirect bullying that takes place through social networks
and new technologies. There is a wide variety of forms that range from harassment of the victim
and their social exclusion to the manipulation of data to harm a person in their own name. Asking
ourselves what role we are playing in this type of situation is a relevant question, since part of our
conviction as boosters of a positive social transformation is that we act opportunely.
On the other hand, understanding that the family environment is one of the main causes of the
development of this type of behavior is paramount, since if intrafamily violence is permanent, it is
likely to be reflected in behaviors and violence is learned and manifested in the school environment
as well. However, if we recognize the origin of bullying and school bullying we can take new
alternatives that help us to minimize the problem, in this case try to make our family environment
a pleasant place that promotes communication, understanding, respect, generation of good attitudes
towards others, in this way contribute to the formation of a society with values, with its own criteria
that enable unity and not individuality.
Finally, if we recognize that there are multiple factors that cause this type of aggressive behavior
in children, we can determine our future actions to minimize or eliminate the social problems that
affect us. Recognize that part of our training in our family environment is the incidence of carrying
out activities for good or for bad, knowing how to face and take proper decisions if it manifests
itself in the school environment, promote the good use of technology as a tool that has the
functionality of approaching as a society and not cause of divided disputes that harm the image of
someone as such, if we reflect on the former we understand that the role we play becomes important
to end this problem.

By Raphaela Massiel Martínez


Comments and feedback to partners’ contributions.

STUDENT OBSERVATION
According to his essay I think it is very good deals with
MARIO TIMANA issues that are of great relevance as the use of new
technologies and their effects on adolescents, I think it is an
interesting topic that can be discussed in depth, because it
represents a latent danger for the Bull ying theme.
On the other hand, it considers necessary the constant
accompaniment of the parents, which I consider essential to
avoid this type of problems. Unfortunately nowadays students
spend more time on social networks than sharing with their
families. However, the problem can be reduced if we act
jointly, so as to promote the creation of integrating spaces that
strengthen personal ties.
Generally I consider it a good job it is very clear and the
organization of ideas is coherent, I also focus the problem on
a different and quite interesting subject, good work partner.
MILTON BASTIDAS In his essay, my attention is drawn to the fact that he gives
importance to social networks as tools that are used today to
promote this type of activities that affect adolescents to a great
extent. On the other hand the organization is very good the
topics that are presented are interesting to relate closely to the
subject, likewise I agree with you that the school should not
only ensure the academic development of its students but also
take into account the developed physical and emotional. It is
usually a very good job.
Iit is generally a fairly clear job, the organization of ideas
DAGO MARTINEZ is adequate, there is a very interesting topic that you mention
and it is about the physical appearance as cause of discomfort
and depression in the adolescents added to this the bullying
being a situation lethal for those affected. It is worth noting
the importance of recognizing that student harassment is not
only a problem for English children, in Colombia we see how
children drop out of school every day due to these problems.
Those points seem important to me , good work
GLADYS Your essay seems to me pertinent, it mentions something
HERNANDEZ very important and is that sometimes intimidation towards
students is perceived as something insignificant or very
common, probably it is a situation of harassment that is
overlooked, both by the parents as teachers. It is urgent to take
alternative solutions that reduce the problem and guide
students on the different consequences that this entails. In my
opinion it is a very complete work and there is a lot of
coherence, good work

Better to prevent and not regret the bullying


Bullying is one of the most common social phenomena that occurs mainly in the childhood of
individuals, determining bullying as a case of decline that is made from one person to another,
either physically or verbally, causing serious psychological damage in the assaulted One of the
biggest concerns is that these cases can occur anywhere, but mainly occur in educational
institutions, where it is supposed to be a place where values are taught and taught to live in a large
group of students ; the real problem is that a case of bullying can be perceived as something
common, by parents and teachers, who would be the main responsible for controlling this situation,
and considering that they do not need to follow up the case, until the consequences reach the
extreme. Next we will talk about the importance of treating this phenomenon, not from its
consequences, from the treatment that a victim of harassment has suffered and nor from a legal
sanction for the aggressor, but rather it is to find in the first causes of bullying , the weaknesses and
work on them, to try to avoid the consequences of bullying and the effects, which can be too serious,
to the point of leaving marked the assaulted for life, this being an obstacle to their personal
development and performance educational, at an individual and social level.
The report of the Children's Society, which analyzed 15 different countries of the world, from a
survey conducted on a certain number of students, about the level of their happiness, we found
various responses from children, in England, mainly, giving a result of little happiness, showing
that among many of their nonconformities is their physical aspect, which brings with them many
insecurities, which at the same time does not allow them to relate well in a society, but these
physical nonconformities take a greater level of seriousness, when this is the main factor of ridicule
in the school is back, so the physical nonconformity is a difficult factor to handle, because not all
of us are self-conscious about the same things, which means that it is necessary, in order to cope
with this situation, to inculcate values of self-esteem in students, from home to school. This is an
important part to reduce the cases of bullying and not only that, but also to improve the academic
performance of the students, that is why it should be promoted to the creation of a solid self-esteem,
from early ages, as proposed by the Children's Society, on the impulse towards sport and physical
exercise. Other activities that can be implemented in the class plan are, for example, that the teacher
always maintains contact with the student, believes motivation, adapts the activities to the
possibilities of the students, promotes participation, and highlights the talents of the student, etc.,
with the aim of creating an environment of trust and companionship in the educational
environment.
I agree with the part justified by Kevin Courtney (secretary general of the National Union of
Teachers) where he says that another of the individual factors that give rise to cases of bullying is
the "Narrow curriculum", who explains that cognitive deficiencies or mental problems also
promote bullying, which insists that in a certain way children with these problems be excluded,
from the point of view in which the narrow curriculum does not allow this kind of person to be
given the necessary importance, to their needs, or to their participation in a social group, for this
then, for example should be selected educational content, which allows students to know these
differences and then be able to raise awareness in each of them, and on the contrary promote
altruism, in the educational population; By means of a more flexible curriculum, in institutions,
you can help these people and opt for inclusion, considering these students with needs and others
as a whole, in such a way that the problem is addressed as the responsibility of all, for being part
of the same educational population, of a society and for the simple reason of belonging to the same
world with the same rights.
We know that it depends a lot on the type of parenting their children give them, if the parents
are very permissive and also promote violence, the child tends to be violent, if the child is very
spoiled he tends to be the victim and it is about creating people, neither victims nor aggressors, if
there is a good education in the home, with sufficient values of self-esteem and tolerance, good
people can be created, for which purpose it would be proposed to train the parents of family, to
avoid creating "little monsters" at school, and as some students who have been victims say, to avoid
"going through school to be hell".
To conclude, it is enough to mention that from my point of view, it is better to worry about and
work on things before they happen, that is to worry about the factors that lend themselves to the
cases of bullying and not to worry about the chaos that has left an aggression, taking into account
that the aggressors are the ones who generate the problems, the adults are the ones who are in
charge of solving them and the victims are those who suffer the consequences, which can be of a
slight state of sadness or low spirits, until an extreme point of the victim's suicide.
By Gladis Hernandez
Comments and feedback to partners’ contributions.

STUDENT OBSERVATION
In your essay presentation you should pay more attention
MARIO TIMANA to the punctuation marks in the text, mainly making an
adequate use of commas, in order to make a reading with a
better textual understanding.
In the introduction, it does not show a clear idea about the
topic he is going to discuss, nor does he add phrases that call
the attention of the reader.
In the thesis statement and the arguments, you do not see a
link of ideas, also does not propose your views (which is an
important point of an essay), for the same reason that you
cannot argue, just shows us a summary of the Readings
In the conclusion does not disclose the general idea of the
previous points, nor does it shows their views, in favor or
against the ideas that drew from the readings proposed by the
course

MILTON BASTIDAS In your presentation of the essay should pay more attention
to punctuation marks, to be able to make a reading with a
better textual understanding.
In the introduction if you show the hypothesis or idea that
you are going to try, making an introduction to the text with
your own idea.
In the statement of theses and arguments, it sustains very
well each idea that it cites, making known in this way the great
impact of a phenomenon and its consequences (organized
according to its own perception).
In the conclusion it shows the general idea of the whole
text and reveals a point of view of yours as a conclusion.
Remember to give your essay a title with originality.
DAGO MARTINEZ There are no grammatical mistakes.
In the introduction, it clearly shows us the idea that will be
dealt with in the following paragraphs, and expresses it in a
way that calls the attention of the reader.
In the statement of theses and arguments, cites authors to
support their arguments, does so in a clear manner and
presents a problem, proposing some alternative solutions,
from their personal criteria, sustaining them.
In the conclusions it shows a general idea to conclude with
the theme and presents some own reflections about the text.
RAPHAELA There are no grammatical mistakes.
MARTÍNEZ In the introduction, it clearly shows us the idea that will be
dealt with in the following paragraphs, and expresses it in a
way that calls the attention of the reader.
In the statement of theses and arguments, cites authors to
support their arguments, does so in a clear manner and
presents a problem, proposing some alternative solutions,
from their personal criteria, sustaining them.
The conclusions are not drafted in a specific way,
something that could change by adding the words "to finish,
to conclude, to finish, to conclude ...", at the beginning of the
penultimate paragraph; I believe that in the last paragraph
there is no conclusion, on the contrary, it presents another
problematic aside, without justifying, personally I think that
this idea is different.
BIBLIOGRAPHIC REFERENCES

Kalman, I. (2016). The "School Did Nothing to Stop the Bullying" Lie. Recuperado el 18 de
April de 2018, de Psychology today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resilience-
bullying/201608/the-school-did-nothing-stop-the-bullying-lie

nobullying.com. (2015). Bullying and Physical Abuse. Recuperado el 18 de April de 2018, de


nobullying.com: https://nobullying.com/physical-abuse/

Yuksel, D., & Inan, B. (2014). Teaching Language Skills. Hauppauge, New York: Nova
Science Publishers, Inc. Retrieved on November 12th, 2016 from
Take from: http://www.bbc.com/news/education-33984082

CHAUX E. (2012). Education, coexistence and school aggression. (First edition).


Bogotá, Colombia: Taurus and University of the Andes

Colombia National Police. (2013). The phenomenon of bullying in Colombia. Logos Science &
Technology. Vol. 4, Núm. 2. Retrieved from,
http://revistalogos.policia.edu.co/index.php/rlct/article/view/195/390

Chaux, E. University of the Andes. Conflicts, bullying and school violence: Prevention and
management strategies. recovered from, http://www.ijvs.org/files/E-Chaux-Prevencion-y-manejo-
de-violencia-escolar.pdf

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