Arroyo-Becker, Sandra

Due: 05/11/2018
LBST 2301

A Good Life Interview

A mélange of inaudible chatter and vibrant salsa beats warms the surroundings.
Meanwhile, tantalizing aromas of mofongo and pasteles fill the streets as the coqui sings its
nightly melody. This is Puerto Rico; more specifically, Santurce, a borough of the capital city
San Juan, which happens to be the birthplace of my interview subject. Born on November 19,
1968, Ivette Arroyo is now a mother of two children (son and daughter) and a jack of all trades.
Having had careers ranging from owner and operator of a travel agency, event coordinator for
celebrities, to now legal secretary for the Federal Government, Ivette has had a myriad of life
experiences. The literal (moving from the island to continental United States) and figurative (her
various career changes) mobility aspect of her life is what has inspired me to interview her on
what a good life means to her:

What is a good life?

At a minimum, a good life is when all our basic living needs are met (water, food, and
shelter). But just because you have a “good life” (meaning your basic needs for survival have
been met) doesn’t mean you’re living a good life. To live a good life requires a bit more to
define, and that is when one feels surrounded by true love.

So, how does one go about living it?

By continuously pushing negative energy out of the way; always learning, teaching,
sharing and having faith no matter the circumstances, and striving for happiness.

Glad you mentioned that. How would you define happiness? And how is it understood?
Happiness to me is when I can feel and experience the fruits of my labor whether with
my children or work, it’s kind of like a sense of accomplishment. And I truly understand this
when I am in the moment with those that I have nurtured and loved unconditionally, my children.
It’s so interesting watching them interact. I can see the love they have for each other (although
they each express it in their own way), and to see them being a support system for one another
(encouraging and sharing their areas of expertise with each other) is the best “high-five” or “pat
on the back” I could ever get. It’s just amazing, there’s no other way to describe it.

How do you find happiness in your daily life?

Nowadays, I find happiness through various mental exercises: One, seeking God to guide
me and provide me peace and putting all my worries in his basket. Prayer and faith is very
therapeutic for me. The other is by appreciating the time I have been given with my kids as they
swim through their early adult years. I know down the road, they too will have their lives,
families, careers and those special times will be limited. Each moment spent, whether watching
TV, eating dinner, hanging out or simply sharing random stuff with each other brings me
happiness. Watching them grow and battle the forces of society is already challenging within
 Arroyo-Becker, Sandra
Due: 05/11/2018
LBST 2301

itself, yet showing my kids not to give up and to be there for each other….that brings me
happiness everyday.

You mention battling the forces of society. What are some problems we humans must address?
I would have to say greed, fear of loneliness, and not knowing our self-worth.

What were your best and worst life experiences?

Best experiences for me was when each of my kids were born. Each time felt like a
renewing of my mind, body and soul; like a side of me I never knew was brought into existence.
The worst experience was feeling helpless in watching my mother die of pancreatic cancer.

What would you add to your life right now?

I would start by getting to know myself again. Having kids is a weird experience. Up
until you have them, you’ve been living your life and doing your own thing. Then all of sudden
your life becomes dedicated to them, they are your life. They grow up, move on, and now you
have no idea who you were. So I’d definitely start to rediscover myself. I’d also make better food
choices and focus on both my physical and mental well being, continue my education, and go out
and see the world at my pace.

Do you have any regrets?

I don’t think it’s possible to live and not have any form of regret, so yes, I do. And that
would be allowing myself to be taken advantage of financially by others.

What do you mean by that? And do you think you've learned from it?
Growing up, my parents were always generous people and this was something they did
all the time whenever there was need. They were quick to help without asking for anything in
return. I never really questioned it. Mom would always say that we were more fortunate than
others and that people were taught about money at different stages in their lives. Yet, I do not
believe I was taught the consequences of being giving, or how giving too much could hinder
some people. What I have learned over the years, is that the only people I really should help are
my kids, and my sister and those that truly are without anything. I have also learned to set limits,
because often times instead of helping we tend to become enablers, which is not a positive
outcome.

In the grand scheme of life, are you where you thought you would be?
It’s funny you ask, because I was recently thinking about how far I’ve come in my...I
guess you’d call it a life journey, as cliche as that sounds. But yeah, I have certainly surpassed
where I thought I would be… and let me tell you, it’s a kick-ass feeling.

What's one event you would go back to and why?

 Arroyo-Becker, Sandra
Due: 05/11/2018
LBST 2301

If I could, I would go back to the cruise our family took for Christmas in 2010. This trip
was spent with the ones that meant the most in my life, and I just couldn't let myself go enough
to REALLY enjoy it, so I figured I missed some things. I was both excited and stressed for that
trip, because I had felt guilty about having my mother pay for an entire trip. I wanted to enjoy the
trip, yet my pride was getting in the way from having fun. Because in the end, it was just a gift
yet to her it was bringing her family together. I was just too selfish to see it through her eyes.

If you could remove one negative experience in your life, would you? And why?
Meeting my ex-boyfriend David Hammond. That time period was like walking with the
devil himself. The pain inflicted by that man was deep, and never have I experienced something
so evil that it spilled into my children, mother and sister. I should have known better, yet I gave
into the propaganda of conforming, in such ways that it was as if I wasn't me and I knew I wasn't
being me. If not for my daughter, I don’t think I would have made it out of that situation alive,
literally. Thanks to her, I finally woke up to do something about it. There are wounds that have
been left behind. It was an emotionally overwhelming experience for me and my kids, and there
is still much to repair and to this day, I am ashamed for making that decision and not getting out
sooner.

What advice would you like to give me?

Don't get so caught up in what everybody else is doing. Always, always have a plan B, C,
D, and so on. Accept that it's okay to fail as long as you get right back up. Cherish the moments
with your family circle no matter how small, there will always be a day when you will need one
or all of the family members. Forgive often, never hold a grudge as it changes one’s perception
on so many levels, and as we get older, it seems more difficult to let go. Be mindful and not
obsessive of how you treat your body, mind and overall YOU. Obsessing leads us on a path of
selfishness, remorse and regret, leading us away from our overall goal, often times placing us on
a completely different road. Yes, there will always be someone who has more or a perceived
better life, but do they really? And no matter what, make sure that you always have room for
love and your faith to grow endlessly. Don't allow anyone's misery, self-doubt, negativity, or
ignorance take any part of you. Stand firm in your faith and take refuge in love and those that
truly love you.

Throughout the interview, Ivette continuously mentioned the role of her children in her
life as well as having a close-knit circle. This emphasis plays into the ultrasociality of mankind
and the importance of love and attachments. Emile Durkheim, one of the founders of sociology,
found that we need to interact and intertwine with others, we need the dichotomy of give and
take, and we need to belong. As Haidt frames it, “we are an ultrasocial species, full of emotions
finely tuned for loving, befriending, helping, sharing, and otherwise intertwining our lives with
others.”
 Arroyo-Becker, Sandra
Due: 05/11/2018
LBST 2301

In summation, I believe the course content related to this interview is enveloped in the
“happiness formula” created by Lyubomirsky, Sheldon, Schkade, and Seligman: H = S + C + V.
In other words, the level of happiness (H) Ivette experiences is determined by her biological
setpoint (S) plus the conditions of her life (C) and the voluntary activities she does (V). Ivette has
focused on external aspects of her life that are not subjected to the adaptation principle (the
human tendency to judge various stimuli and situations relative to those we have previously
experienced). She places a great deal of emphasis on the relationships she maintains with her
children and her family. Her view of faith and religion not only satisfies the C component of the
equation, but also the V. Ivette voluntarily prays as a form of mental exercise to further
strengthen the conditions of her life, and her overall happiness. By focusing her endeavors on
fostering deep and meaningful relationships with God and her family, Ivette is living her
definition of happiness, and overall, a good life.
Arroyo-Becker, Sandra
Due: 05/11/2018
LBST 2301