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A paramahansa named Totapuri was passing. Ramakrishna invited him to stop with him
and asked, "Help me to have darshan of the one."
Totapuri said, "What's difficult in that? You believe there are two, so there are two.
Drop the belief!"
Ramakrishna replied, "But dropping this belief is very difficult -- I have lived with it my
whole life. When I close my eyes the image of Kali is standing there. I drown in that
nectar. I forget that I am to become one; as soon as I close my eyes there are two.
When I try to meditate, it becomes dual. Help me out of this!"
So Totapuri said, "Try this: when the image of Kali is before you, pick up a sword and
cut her in two."
What Totapuri said is the same as what is said in Ashtavakra's sutra. Totapuri said,
"From where did you bring this Kali image? -- bring a sword from the same place. She
too is imaginary. She too is an embellishment of your imagination. Through nurturing it
for your whole life, through continuously projecting it for your whole life, it has become
crystalized. It is just imagination. Not everyone sees Kali when they close their eyes."
After years of effort a Christian closes his eyes, and Christ comes to him. A devotee of
Krishna closes his eyes and Krishna comes to him. A lover of Buddha closes his eyes
and Buddha comes to him. A lover of Mahavira closes his eyes and Mahavira comes to
him. Christ doesn't come to a Jaina, Mahavira doesn't come to a Christian: only the
image you project will come. Ramakrishna's effort was with Kali, and the image became
almost solid. It became so real from constant repetition, from continuous remembering,
that it seemed Kali was standing in from of him. No one was standing there.
"Just close your eyes," Totapuri said, "raise the sword and strike."
Ramakrishna closed his eyes, but as soon as he closed them his courage vanished.
Raising his sword to strike Kali! -- the devotee has to raise his sword and strike God --
it was too hard.
To renounce the world is very easy. What is worth holding onto in the world? But when
you have established an image deep in the mind, when you have created poetry in the
mind, when the mind's dream has become manifest, then it is very difficult to renounce
it. The world is like a nightmare. A dream of devotion, a dream of feeling is not a
nightmare, it is a very sweet dream. How to drop it? how to break it?
Tears would start flowing from his eyes and he became ecstatic... his body would begin
shaking. But he didn't raise his sword -- he would completely forget about it.
Finally Totapuri said, "I've wasted many days here. It's no good. Either you do it or I'm
going to leave. Don't waste my time. Enough of this nonsense now!" That day Totapuri
brought a piece of glass with him, and he said, "When you begin to be absorbed in
delight, I will cut your forehead with this piece of glass. When I cut your forehead,
inside gather courage, raise your sword and cut Kali in two. This is the last chance -- I
am not staying any longer."
Totapuri's threat of leaving... and it is difficult to find such a master. Totapuri must
have been a man like Ashtavakra. Ramakrishna closed his eyes and Kali's image
appeared to him. He was about to bliss out -- tears were ready to flow from his eyes,
overwhelmed, joy was coming -- he was about to become ecstatic when Totapuri held
his forehead and, where the third eye chakra is, made a cut from top to bottom with
the piece of glass. Blood began to stream from the cut, and this time Ramakrishna
found courage. He raised the sword and cut Kali in two pieces. When Kali fell apart he
became nondual: the wave dissolved in the ocean, the river fell into the ocean. It is
said that he stayed immersed for six days in this ultimate silence. He was neither
hungry nor thirsty -- there was no consciousness of the outside, no awareness. All was
forgotten. And when he opened his eyes six days later, the first thing he said was, "The
last barrier has fallen!"