Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Rating: Mature
Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: F/M, M/M
Fandom: Harry Potter - Fandom
Relationship: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black x Remus Lupin, Sirius Black
and Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, James Potter/Lily
Evans, James Potter x Lily Evans, James Potter and Lily Evans, James
Potter & Lily Evans
Character: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Lily Evans
Additional Tags: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Pining, Mutual Pining, Love, Fluff
Stats: Published: 2017-03-04 Completed: 2017-04-20 Chapters: 5/5 Words:
12662
Unrequited
by carpethefanfics
Summary
A Remus & Lily friendship piece. One where they just can’t seem to ignore the two boys
driving them crazy anymore.
Notes
Enjoy.
“Lily?”
She had gotten so lost in staring at the way the flames of the dying fire licked the stone walls
that she hadn’t heard the first, or second, or even third time the hushed voice had called out her
name.
Yet, once the figure came into frame she lifted her face from the curve of the armrest on the
couch and cringed.
Her cheek ached from being in one place for far too long.
As she attempted to focus her eyes the realization that her whole body had gone numb from
lack of movement dawned on her.
She ignored the painful tingling of her senses springing to life and simply blinked twice to
relieve her emerald eyes of their dryness.
She gazed up to meet those familiar amber ones that she had been seeing at the same time
every night this week at the same moment the first words left his lips.
“Can’t sleep.”
The voice sounded as she thought hers might sound right now; emotionless, hollow, raw.
She let whatever words she thought she should say die in her throat and simply curled her legs
further into herself.
Another step in their ritual.
She would move herself up to give him space and the shadowy figure before her knew her
intentions by now as he was always quick to take his seat next to her.
She could feel his weight dip the cushions down, her toes grazing his warm thigh and his
almost rhythmic breathing lulling her back into reality.
Not that her reality was much better than being lost in her own thoughts at the moment.
But it was better to have him with her.
They sat in silence for a while, Lily was afraid to speak and she knew he was too.
Every conversation they seemed to have at this hour on this couch beneath the all too familiar
glow of these embers left their cheeks tear-stained.
Yet it would still come, a catharsis they both knew they needed.
She found it comforting to talk to him.
She found a solace in Remus that she hadn’t even realized she needed until he pulled it out of
her.
After the first few times he did, she understood that maybe he needed her as his solace too.
“Haven’t come back yet.”
Remus knew instantly what she was talking about and his throat tightened at the words he
didn’t want to say.
James and Sirius had left earlier that evening
Whatever dates were their pick of the month always required their undivided attention
And, much to Lily and Remus’ dismay, the young men were all too willing to give it.
That meant Remus was left alone with his thoughts and nothing but a heavily snoring Peter in
a cold, homely dormitory.
Staring into the darkness that surrounded him
Praying that he fell asleep before the two of them stumbled back into the room
Their too loud to be called hushed voices recalling the night
Their happy laughter
That meant Lily was left to lay awake in her bed, thinking as Remus would, of the one person
they wished they weren’t.
Staring into the maroon curtains trying to picture something, anything else
But always being drawn back in
The dark hair, the deep brown eyes
The first night it had been Lily to discover Remus
He was laying in a similar position as she was now
And it had become habit.
They both knew that if the thoughts were too overwhelming
If the ache too strong
All they needed to do was go down to the common room
Because the other would be there waiting.
“No. It’s only two.”
He could feel Lily curl her legs further into herself obviously recoiling from her own words.
He felt his own body do it too
It was as if they thought they could physically escape the vivid images their minds had most
definitely conjured.
One night a few weeks ago when they had formed this habit, Lily had gotten him into a
conversation that resulted in a complete breakdown of the two boys dating habits.
Sneak away at eleven, charm her out of her wits by midnight, have her swooning by one and
snogging at two.
Remus winced again.
He had seen Sirius snog a girl or two in his life before, usually as a result of a dare or because
Sirius was too drunk to care what he was doing in public.
But the thought of him slowly moving towards a faceless image
A pair of hands wrapping themselves in his silky black hair
Fingers trailing down his chest
And his lips on her neck.
He felt his stomach flipping.
He thought that the only way to quell the storm raging in his mind was to place himself there
His fingers gripping the curly locks
His other hand tangled in his shirt
But it was never enough to quell the longing
Longing for their evenings talking late into the night
Soft murmuring in his bed
Sirius laying on his back and rambling about the world
His eyes sparkling
His smile shining
Knowing he could have that moment with Sirius
That helped
And he knew that at the same moment Lily would be doing the same
He recognized the way her shoulders shuddered and her eyes fluttered shut when she did.
She had been able to avoid her imagination for a while
She had spent months reassuring herself that whatever she thought she was feeling was insane
That Potter was still the same arrogant tosser he had always been
But after the incident on their last Hogsmead trip when Lily saw James and some blonde
practically joined by the mouth, the jealousy flared constantly
Her mind would flash to the memory of James’ hand roaming up her thigh while said girl
trailed her lips across James’ jaw
Her heart would plunge at the thought of James hand slipping button after button open
Because she shouldn’t feel anything
Shouldn’t picture herself there after a long night scheduling the prefects
When they’re huddled on the couch
And her legs are in his lap
And her stomach hurts from laughing
She shouldn’t want him to lean forward
To lace her fingers against the back of his neck and melt
But she did
“Should be climbing through anytime now.”
He felt Lily push herself upwards to sit upright next to him
Her thighs still pressed against her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around her.
It was like she could physically keep her feelings contained if she sat like that.
She would lean into Remus, craving the feeling of warmth that he brought, trying at the same
time to absorb some of the pain they both shared.
He didn’t mind it, his bed felt cold and his body hollow, it was nice to feel something.
“Remus?”
Her voice cracked out his name
He cocked his head slightly to look at her
Her glazed over eyes were boring into the dark sky shining through the window beside them.
He kept his eyes on her just as she transferred her gaze back to him in spite of the tears that
had begun to fall from the corner of her eyes.
“Yeah?”
His voice was barely a whisper
He would be surprised if she had even heard it
Yet she did, she always did
He knew what was coming as soon as the words left her lips
“James deserves to be happy.”
Remus could see her flinch
She was chewing on the inside of her cheek
Trying to hold down the bubbling up of her emotions because the words stung.
It was like a cold winter air whipping across broken, chapped, bloodied lips.
Painful and sore
Remus kept his eyes on her as she continued to avoid his gave
There were obviously thoughts that she had yet to utter aloud
He could practically see the gears turning in her mind
But clearly she couldn’t contain them anymore.
“I gave up my shot.”
He felt he should react
Maybe furrow his brows or rub circles into her back as she spoke but he remained still as she
closed her eyes
The tears still falling
“It’s not fair of me to do this. To feel this. I don’t want to hurt him again.”
Her voice trailed off, broken words and nothing but mumbling over her trembling lips.
Remus couldn’t help but pull her into him.
His arms clinging to her shoulders, her hands clutching his sweater and her forehead pressed
just under his chin.
They were holding on tightly, a familiar grasp for a familiar situation.
He wanted to reassure her that maybe, just maybe, they could come out of this unscathed, all
four of them.
Yet the bubbling of doubt that he had become so accustomed to locked those declarations in
his throat.
Lily wasn’t sobbing, she wasn’t gripping on to Remus out of pain
She was just trying to ground herself.
Stop her mind from tumbling out of control.
Just like he was.
Her heart was crumbling to pieces in her chest and right now Remus was the only real thing
around her.
Because James Potter had done something to her
Something she hadn’t realized she wanted
But his mess of tousled hair
And the way he kinked is eyebrow when he was being cheeky
And how soft spoken he could be
And the immeasurable size of his heart
The realization of how far she had fallen was finally hitting her
Hard.
So she continued to cling onto Remus
“I don’t want to hurt him either.”
Lily lifted her eyes to see Remus
His words tore deeply into her as they left his lips.
She felt the tears falling down his cheeks as they dripped onto her knuckles so she wrapped
her hands around his waist and lifted her face to see him.
He needed strong, fiery Lily right now, not sad, empty Lily.
“He loves you Remus.”
His glassy amber eyes were staring at her, a wholehearted but fragmented smile etched on her
lips
And he couldn’t help but smile back.
He wanted to say the same to her
Give her the hope she was trying to give him but he stopped when she spoke
Her voice stronger.
“Really. I see the way he looks at you. It’s like he’s mesmerized just by the freckles on your
nose and he forgets that he’s supposed to breathe. It’s how James used to look at me.”
Remus let out a breath of air
It was supposed to be a laugh, supposed to be something light and airy
But it felt harsh.
He closed his eyes at the idea that Lily had been watching them
Trying for his sake to find out whether she could heal Remus’ aching heart.
It was comforting.
Made him believe for a fraction of second that whatever she had seen was genuine and not just
an oversight
That maybe moments like when Sirius brushed the hair out of his eyes
His fingers lingering much too long on Remus’ face
Or sat much too closely to him at the library
With their knees touching and Remus’ cheeks burning
It had been more
It could have been more
That it wasn’t just her delving too deeply into something.
He felt her fingers under his chin, raising his face so that once his eyes opened he was staring
into hers.
“I know you think I’m silly and I know you tell yourself everything you can to keep him at
bay. I know because we’re the same Remus. But if you tell him, you’ll be happy. Don’t do
what I did.”
Remus could feel his throat tightening and his mouth going dry.
The tears were building again in his eyes the longer Lily spoke.
She was looking at him with such adoration that he felt he chest swell, his cracked heart
slightly stitched back into place.
For the moment anyway.
He pulled her back against him, this time the side of her face pressed to the side of his and his
fists balled up in the back of her jumper.
He wanted to pour into her every good thing he had ever felt because this beautiful young
woman was ethereal.
She was the type of person who had taken one look at him after she found out he was what he
was and smiled.
She bloody smiled.
And she pulled him into her just like they were embracing now and told him that she loved
him dearly.
Her kindness was insurmountable.
He hadn’t known anyone to be so understanding other than the Marauders
He wanted to relish in it for as long as he could because it could be fleeting.
It usually was.
“James wouldn’t give up on you.”
He saw her smile flicker back down and he released a heavy sigh.
“I don’t think feelings as strong as the ones he had would just go away.”
She had averted her eyes from his gaze and he let his hands lift her chin to meet him again
“Take your own advice and tell him.”
He could see her red puffy eyes from the glow emitted by the fireplace
They had looked swollen when he first came down and now it was worse.
She pulled the sleeve of her jumper to wipe the streaks running down her cheeks away again.
“It’s different, you know it is. I broke it, whatever it was, whatever it may have been. I broke
it.”
Remus nodded solemnly.
They had had this conversation so many times
But this one felt so final.
He wanted to shake Lily, shake himself
Tell her that that they shouldn’t be so pessimistic.
But then the doubt crawled up his shoulder and whispered in his ear before he could plea with
her to throw that rationale away.
Love is never careful why should we be?
Because that’s who we are.
The cautious ones, the ones afraid to let the world seep in because what good did they deserve
in a world that hated who they were?
Lily eased back against him as the silence ensued
Their arms were pressed into one another, her head dropped against his shoulder as they stared
into the fire together.
They were watching the embers die, lost in their own minds, in their own thoughts.
This was how it went with them.
Lily trying to squeeze out every ounce of compassion, Remus every ounce of hope
But they just seemed to keep leaving each other in the same place as they were before.
She knew what it was like to be cast out, to be looked down upon simply for the blood that ran
threw her veins.
Just as he did.
So here they were, both stuck in their heads with their hands clutching at their hearts.
“I think you’re wrong Lily.”
Remus could feel her muscles tense next to him as her voice croaked out
“I don’t deserve it Remus. Maybe then I did … But now …”
They were pulled from their raging thoughts when the familiar creek of the portrait hole’s
hinges rang.
Normally they would jump apart
A great need to run back to bed before they were met with tousled hair, untucked shirts and
the faint remains of lipstick down jawlines.
But Remus hadn’t even felt Lily twitch.
Her head stayed on him, her eyes as dull and grey as his own.
Remus flicked his eyes to the left as the two darkened yet familiar figures approached
And although he could hear Sirius before he could see him, once his disheveled appearance
came into view he could feel his heart drop.
“Moony is that you?”
He tilted his head slightly as James sounded
“And Evans … again?”
The pair walked towards them
Lily still calmly resting against him as the boys approached.
Remus continued watching them as they came into the glow of the fire
And he was right
Their shirts were clearly untucked, a few buttons undone and their hair equally as ruffled as
though someone had repeatedly run their fingers threw.
Remus clenched his jaw at the thought, Lily just kept her eyes on the fire.
James spoke in a hushed whisper once they were finally before them
“What are you two doing up?”
That was when Lily gently lifted her head from Remus and turned to face him
“Remus was just helping me with some homework. You can go with them up to bed now, I’m
sure you need your sleep.”
He nodded his head slowly, “You sure?”
He watched the smile almost, almost drop from her face but the woman was all too good at
keeping herself under lock and key.
She had it nearly perfected, her ability to hide herself away
She was almost as good as Remus.
“Of course.”
Remus eased himself from the couch to a curious James and Sirius who were glancing at each
other and him with wide, curious eyes.
Remus simply nodded, a curt smile towards them and then a warmer one to Lily before
rounding the couch.
They followed him closely muttering soft goodbyes, her response, if there was one, went
unheard.
Just as they came to the passage that led to the dormitories Remus spun back, James and Sirius
practically toppling over each other as he did so.
They stood back as he broke through them, “Lily?”
Lily turned around to see him with new tears already glossing over her eyes.
The sight of the two of them already clearly bringing those vivid, jealous fantasies to the
forefront of her mind.
“I heard a muggle saying once, what was it? Something about if you love something set it
free?”
Lily’s lip twitched, “And if it loves you it will return, yes, why?”
Remus smiled, “I think it’s a load of rubbish.”
He could see the faint twinkling in her eyes
A silent thank you for whatever he had helped her affirm.
Lily Works Magic
Chapter Summary
Lily works her magic on Sirius to make sure her best friend finds the happiness he's
missing.
Chapter Notes
Enjoy.
‘Black.’
Her thick red hair is curling down her back
And her elbows hit the table a bit harder than she intended
But she’s made it all the way over there before Sirius has a chance to look up
And yet he still always seems to know
‘Evans. What do I owe the pleasure?’
She’s rolling her eyes because his voice is thick with sarcasm
How that god awful sound got confused with charm is beyond her
But she feels a small smile tugging at her lips
Because she knows under all that nonsense Remus saw something
And if Remus saw it than there is most definitely something
‘Just had a question for you.’
He’s still fiddling with his potion
His wand tucked comfortably behind his ear
His eyes have yet to meet hers
‘Ask away love.’
‘How’s Remus?’
There it is
Sirius has flicked his eyes towards her at the mere sound of his name
His hands stopping in their movement
‘Why?’
His voice sounds almost worried
But it’s mostly protective that Lily hears
Her eyebrow kinks slightly
Precisely what she wanted to see
‘Told me he hasn’t been sleeping well. Kind of worried me.’
Lily’s watching him intently as she speaks
As the words leave her lips
Because Sirius’ brows furrow
And this cloud seems to fog up his once clear grey eyes
And it’s almost like he wants to chew on the inside of his cheek
A nervous tick she’s only seen a select few times before
But his jaw clenches instead
‘Oh.’
And the cloud is still there in his eyes
But it’s almost as if he’s realized he’s giving too much away
He turns himself back on
Comes back from wherever he’s delved to in his mind
‘Is that the reason you both were both up so late last night?’
Lily smiles softly
‘I found him by the fire. Seems stressed. Just wanted to make sure one of you knew.’
It’s almost like there’s relief in his gaze as she speaks
Some unanswered question he had bubbling inside him that she’s answered
So he nods his head at the affirmation
And smiles almost uncharacteristically soft
‘I’ll keep an eye on him then. Thanks Lily.’
She nods her head
Her own small smile on her lips
Because he’s used her first name
And he’s let his charm fall away just slightly, just enough
Barely any trace of that previous bravado to be found
She leans back from the table
Praying that Sirius does exactly as she thinks he will
Exactly what she hopes he will
Because sure she needs to figure out her own heart
Needs to get her sleeping schedule back on track
Needs to figure out how to tell James that she’s done mucking him around in a way that
doesn’t slam her pride and her dignity hurling from the Astronomy Tower
But Remus …
Remus needs that heaviness off his shoulders
Remus needs a soft pair of hands and a willing set of ears and an eager smile
Remus needs help mending his heart
And if she can bring him that then helping herself is like the icing on cake
He’s left it until the last minute but he’s finally finished
And he’ll be damned if he lets the library keep him for one more second
Because after what Lily’s said he can’t seem to get Remus out of his head
He’s been drifting from class to class with his eyes fixed on his friend
He’s noticed the slump of his shoulders
And the darkness under his eyes these past few weeks
But he keeps getting swept up in that smile
So much in fact that he’s been getting swept up in other people to keep himself from getting
swept up in that smile
But now he’s angry with himself, angry with Jamie
Because they thought up this plan together
Thought up with whole thing about the importance of moving on
Not just for themselves but for Lily, for Remus
She’s been refusing Jamie forever
And his friendship with Remus means too much
And it’s been six years of endless one-sided pining that James just can’t do anymore
And Sirius can’t pull Remus into his mess when he should be focusing on himself
But in doing so
In pulling back so far they’ve left everything else fall to the wayside
Remus found Lily and Lily found Remus
And its like that jealousy he’s been pushing off his shoulders has a tighter grip than ever before
Why did he go to Lily?
Why didn’t he come to me?
What was wrong?
What was keeping him awake?
There were a million worries and a million questions
But one more important than the rest
One more important than the fire in his chest
And the frustration fogging up his vision
How was he going to help?
Sirius had had his share of sleepless nights
Fears of nightmares forcing him awake
Visions of his mother’s cruel eyes and callous sneer
Green flashes and bouts of the most agonizing pain coursing through his veins
The dark bags under his eyes because he refused to close them for even a second
The pure exhaustion he felt
The overwhelming anxiety that came with the light of the moon
What he had needed when that happened was to feel grounded
To have something, someone to bring him back to reality
Most of the time it was James
Because he had been living with the Potters for some time
Howler after howler following him around
Screaming at him for his disobedience and his insolence
The words ricocheting off every corner of his mind
He would wake up to his own screaming
And James would be there
And those nights were always so calm
A voice just soothing enough to lull him back to sleep
For Sirius to know he wasn’t alone
But there was something so different, so intimate during the nights of pure peace he’d felt at
school
Peace that came from knowing Remus was near
At first it was the feeling of his hand rubbing circles into his back
He would focus on Remus’ breathing and just drift
Then it was the soft words
And Sirius wasn’t even sure what he was saying but his voice
He could have listened for hours at the barely audible whisper of Remus in his ear and the
feeling of his heart beating
So he knew, he knew
There was something there
Something that would always be there
And Remus must know
And Remus must need that too now
When Sirius had finally made it back to the dorm
When the fire had died and the torches were barely lit
He’d made his way up the stairwell and quietly thrown his bag on his bed
‘Moons?’
He spoke quietly knowing that James and Peter were already long since passed out
He was standing outside Remus’ curtains
And he couldn’t hear the familiar hum of his breathing
The one thing that would signal he was actually asleep
But Remus didn’t answer either
So he gripped the curtain and tugged slightly
A pair of amber coloured eyes meeting his instantly
Sirius choked the words back that he wanted to say
Let his speech die in his mind
Words that meant nothing
Words that never came out the way Sirius needed them too
So he tore his shirt from his skin
His eyes focused on Remus’
Then he his fingers fumble at the button of his jeans
Leaving him in nothing but his boxers
He could feel a nervousness crawling over his skin
He was wary of the intimacy being so near to Remus brought
Because they hadn’t even spoken about it
The spark that erupted in the pit of his stomach
The tightening of his chest
Sirius hadn’t ever mentioned the longing he felt when Remus was too far
And lately he always felt too far
But every moment with Remus
Ever bond of friendship newly strengthened just seemed to solidify the distance between them
The distance from ever being more than just that
But he lifted the covers and crawled in anyway
Because this was his best mate ad he deserved so much more than Sirius’ pathetic pinning
He could hear Remus swallow hard as soon as the mattress dipped
His body rigid next to him
Sirius was lying on his side, Remus flat on his back
His eyes fixed on the roof of his bed
Sirius reached forward under the covers slowly but surely until he found the familiar warmth
of Remus’ hands curved into fists
He wrapped his fingers around Remus’ wrist
Smoothing his thumb across the skin there
Feeling the tension melt away with every passing minute
Their chests rising and falling in tune with one another
The silence around them deafening and comforting all at once
‘Moons?’
http://carpethefanfics.tumblr.com/post/155474663682/unrequited-ii
Sirius and Remus
Chapter Summary
Sirius finally gets his act together. And Remus lets him.
Chapter Notes
Enjoy.
http://carpethefanfics.tumblr.com/post/155598838082/unrequited-iii
Lily and James
Chapter Summary
Lily finds her happiness, but it's like pulling teeth at first, like everything is with James
Potter.
Chapter Notes
Enjoy.
http://carpethefanfics.tumblr.com/post/155747260427/unrequited-iv
Finally.
Chapter Summary
"She wants to tell him that she saw him through rose-coloured glasses. That she didn’t
know when it started but it had yet to stop. That she wants him next to her. Always.
Whether it’s in her bed. With his clothes making friends with her floor."
"And Remus wants to tell him that even though sometimes it feels like he’s been
engulfed in his own black hole. That gravity has caused him to collapse in on himself.
He will always find his way back to him."
Chapter Notes
http://carpethefanfics.tumblr.com/post/159810370772/unrequited-v
End Notes
http://carpethefanfics.tumblr.com/post/154537852437/unrequited
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