Running head: TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 1

A Tri-Ethnography of Three Anglo-Bodied Scholars

Stephanie Cole, John Cordell, & Whitney Neumeyer Roach

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A Tri-Ethnography of Three Anglo-Bodies Scholars

Abstract

For an entire spring semester of Race and Education, we have held deep, difficult, yet necessary

conversations on the connections between education within the cultural, social, and economical

structures as it relates to Race. In the beginning, we individually wrote Auto-ethnographies that

paid special attention to our early schooling years as a racialized person. Later, we grouped

together to find a common platform. This paper is a tri-ethnography which consists of Stephanie

Cole, John Cordell, & Whitney Neumeyer Roach which are all Doctoral students in the College

of Education at Texas Christian University. Each participant identifies as Anglo-Saxon. While

understanding the complex challenges associated with discussing, defining, and experiencing

race as a body of white scholars, we take into consideration how to position ourselves as naive

and inexperienced in receiving, living, and understanding the oppression faced by People of

Color (POC). Throughout this work each participant shared personal dialogues through Auto-

ethnographies. Our Auto-ethnographies expanded and opened up a wider lens to view the world

in which we live in. As research, it helped us to understand ourselves as it relates to the people

around us. After all, not everyone is a white, heterosexual, masculine, middle/upper class, able-

bodied, Christian male. Throughout this work we tried to be both generous and critical of

ourselves, our experiences, and our writings.

Keywords: race, racism, hegemony, patriarchy, colonialism, capitalism, and sexism.

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A Tri-Ethnography of Three Anglo-Bodies Scholars

Stephanie Cole, John Cordell, & Whitney Neumeyer Roach are doctoral students in the

College of Education at Texas Christian University. Each participant identifies as Anglo-Saxon.

While understanding the complex challenges associated with discussing, defining, and

experiencing race as a body of white scholars, we take into consideration how to position

ourselves as naive and inexperienced in receiving, living, and understanding the oppression faced

by People of Color (POC). Throughout this work each participant shared personal dialogues

through Auto-ethnographies. Our Auto-ethnographies expanded and opened up a wider lens to

view the world in which we live in. As research, it helped us to understand ourselves as it relates

to the people around us. After all, not everyone is a white, heterosexual, masculine, middle/upper

class, able-bodied, Christian male.

As humans, we all have different ways of knowing and understanding the world around

us. Our differences, when used as research narratives, help to better situate us and understand our

place and space through our lived experiences. Furthermore, these Auto-ethnographies outlined

personal race experiences for each group member. Questions were posed to each member,

offering clarification and elaboration of difficult concepts. To complete this work, the three

group members met and discussed theories used to ground race discussion in our research. Here

we hope to negate the preconceived notions around race, racism, hegemony, patriarchy, and the

lived experiences as white bodied persons. We submit, for your reading and inquiry our

individual and communal responses to living in a raced, sexed, and binary system.
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Stephanie:

For most of my life, I have lived in small Texas towns, where the Anglo- Saxon had been

the majority and in power, where the Hispanic and Latino population was a close second but

lacking the control and power of the Anglo-Saxon population. The homogeneous of whiteness

was the only view that I had been exposed to. These views consisted of patriarchal and

hegemonic discourses of only the Anglo-Saxon population, giving only small pockets of agency

and no representation to the other populations. It was through this realization, that I decided to

focus around colonial discourse, and post-colonial theory. In order to understand post-colonial

theory, it is important to explore colonial discourse. Colonial discourse navigates colonization as

a relation of structural domination, and a discursive or political suppression of the hetero-genetic

of the subject(s) in question.

Colonial discourse:

Foucault’s influence on colonial discourse takes the position of patterns and connections of

power and knowledge. For Foucault, power and knowledge are interrelated, in that power

influences knowledge and vice versa. For Foucault, this is especially important in the intuitional

ratification and proliferation of knowledge. Institutions such as universities, publishers and

media agencies are the ultimate power house, controlled by those in positions of power

privilege. Colonial discourse addresses the result or creation of binary. Edward Said’s (1978)

orientalism is an attempt at building upon Foucault’s Nexus of power and knowledge by

applying it to Europe’s conceptualization of the Orient, which is tied up in the discourse about

the Orient. For Said, orientalism is the discourse about the Orient associated with the military

and economic domination of the Orient by Europe.

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The European colonizers established a binary structure to better control and understand

the Orient by narrowing it down as a particular way of thinking, as an academic discipline, and a

corporate institution for dealing with the Orient. For Said, the Orient consisted of countries east

of Europe, such as the Middle Eastern countries, and the Indian subcontinent, with

generalizations that the people of the orient were considered uncivilized, lacking knowledge and

moral reasoning, thus they were barbaric. Juxtaposition to the Orient, the Occident, or the

western part of the world was considered civilized, knowledgeable, and all that is good and right

with the world. Due to military and economic conquest, scholars and scientist were brought in to

study these countries as an object of inquiry, and as a site of systematic knowledge gathering to

provide a road map of the lands and resources. These documents became the European texts in

which to justify colonialism. Therefore, these institutions connected colonial knowledge to

power, thus, justifying it as the Truth. Even thinkers, like Karl Marx, justified colonialism as a

need to enlighten these lessor people towards a much-needed social revolution. However,

acknowledging that these people were being economically exploited, but were still considered as

less than to the superior Europeans. This binary way of thinking contrasted the orient from the

occident as bad verses good. For Said, Orientalism was a fantasy or a perfect ideal for the

European colonizer.

Returning to the insight of Foucault, which pointed out that these discourses are

generated, circulated, and ratified by the institutions of power, this power belonging to the

colonized areas of the world, namely, the Occident. According to Young (1995) “As Said defines

orientalism, it was a relationship between power, and cultural domination. Orientalism was the

cultural equivalent of the colonialism which it accompanied. As Foucault put it, it is in the

discourse that power and knowledge are joined together” (P. 2). Concluding that “Racism and
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racialism is one of the best-or worst examples of the silent and stealthy operators of Foucalt’s

formation of power and knowledge” (P.18).

As the colonial enterprise continues and expands, Joseph Conrad’s (1899) In the Heart of

Darkness takes a fictionalized approach of the civilizing mission of the barbaric reality of

colonization on the African continent. The two main characters Marlow, a European on

assignment in the Congo River region is to assist that progress is steadily moving. The other

character, Kurtz, also a European on assignment, although in a different region of the Congo,

begins to go rogue by exploiting the local natives in the ivory trade business. Marlow begins to

question the civilizing mission of colonization as he witnesses the barbaric conditions of these

local people, asking himself – who are the beneficiaries? And progress for whom? Conrad also

establishes a binary structure, much like Said’s orientalism. Africa is known as the dark

continent because it is unknown, uncharted, and its people are deemed uncivilized, lacking

knowledge of reasoning and moral, and in contrast, Europe is known as the light area full of

knowledge, reason and with high Christian moral.

Conrad’s fiction brings to the front that colonial discourse brings out false conceptions of

a civilizing mission that only spread fear for their bidding to extract, and exploit resources and

land for their personal benefits or in the name of imperialism. Both orientalism and the cut out of

the African continent are examples of colonial discourse that created binary structures to exploit,

conquer, and destroy social and cultural systems. Both Edward Said’s and Joseph Conrad’s work

revealed and disrupted the ideology of colonial discourse not as a civilizing mission, but as

dominate barbaric patriarchal, hegemonic, and capitalistic enterprise for only the Anglo-Saxon

population to benefit from.

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Postcolonial theory:

Postcolonial studies emerged in the 1980’s as a very diverse and interdisciplinary field

examining the impact of colonialism through its aspects on the social, political, cultural and

economic changes to the now sojourn nation/state and individual. Post-colonial theory examines

the invisible structures that were mentally, and physically forced upon these people and lands;

invisible structures that left a lasting impact on the social, cultural, and economical practices of

everyday life. The colonial powers may have left, but their practices are still in the process.

Colonialism constructed a class system of interpreters to indoctrinate British thinkers- by

“whitening” them with British ideologies so that when they left their new way would be infused

throughout the population. They employed a strategic system of educational indoctrination, thus,

pushing religion and politics. Their ultimate goal was that the colonial master tried to civilize

these people by forcing the colonial way of power, exploitation, and dominance upon the

conquered population. Spivak (1998) discusses the impact of the British colonial rule of India of

creating a marionette of the Indian people by pulling their strings, using a ventriloquist approach

to speak and act on their behalf. She posits that the British people made the Indian people

dependent upon them and their power. She writes, “The small peasant proprietor cannot

represent themselves, that they must be represented. Their representor must appear

simultaneously as their master and in the authority over them, as an unrestricted governmental

power that protects them from the other classes, and sends them the rain and sunshine from

above.

The political influence [in the place of class interest]” (p.30). What Spivak does in

postcolonial studies is that she goes against the ideas of both Foucault, and Deleuze in their

notion of the subject with the subjectivity of desire and value. Spivak finds there is possibility in
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the dislocation of desire and value. For Spivak, it is looking into these differences, not

minimizing the group’s identity, and to fully represent and respect the ways in which various

groups perceive, and understand their world. Spivak examines the sub alterity of the colonized

people. For Spivak, the subaltern person is more than oppressed, they have been denied any

access of participation in the status quo of colonization, thus, lacking a revisionist history, or

representation of orthodox views. As Young (1995) suggests that “it is in a similar way that

Said’s orientalism constitutes a system of apparent knowledge about the Orient, but one in which

“the other” makes up the Orient. The Oriental other is never allowed, or invited to speak; the

Oriental other is confined only to a fantasy. Thus, the discursive representation of orientalism has

been balanced by attention to reality, in which that reality misrepresented and excluded the

objective history of the subaltern, or dominated, marginalized groups, and their counter-histories.

This misrepresented history has inspired a whole movement dedicated to retrieving the history of

the silenced subaltern, dominated, marginalized groups, and their counter-histories in terms of

the subjective experience on the effects of colonialism and domination” (P.5). This movement

has emerged into postcolonial scholarship, and postcolonial theories.

Does the process of colonization still exist today? Take for example, my own auto

ethnographic writing process, I experienced little to no exposure to POC in my past schooling

experiences, witnessing only a dominate white exposure. In my past schooling life, I did have

two powerful, and positive lived experiences with POC, unfortunately, there were only two in

my early schooling years spent in the two small Texas towns in which I was educated in. As I

looked back into my childhood, I noticed that everyone was white like me. I lived in a white,

patriarchal and hegemonic dominated world. In watching Lee Daniels’ The Butler, the main

character Cecil Gaines remembers his father telling him that “it’s their(whites) world, we are just
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living in it” Sadly, as I looked back into my early schooling years this is what I saw, a lack of

exposure or representation to a different race. Two times in my life I got a taste of what POC are

faced with on a daily basis, a life of being outnumbered, and under-represented. My first

experience was living and working in Greensboro, North Carolina, a city populated by mainly

POC. My second experience was in Morocco, Africa, where I was alienated by my gender,

nationality, and assumed religion, this was a bitter sweet experience, a challenge nonetheless.

Morocco is a difficult place for an American woman, as membership into the Moroccan culture

was not very accessible for me. I was an outsider, marginalized by my gender, nationality, and

assumed religion. Needless to say, I was lonely and isolated. My salvation was finding other

people experiencing loneliness and isolation in the expatriate community. Both experiences

helped me to better situate myself in a world common to POC.

These experiences were uncomfortable, all though, I was able to find a common space in

both locations to where I found comfort and representation. I know that I will never be able to

fully understand what POC have gone through and continue to go through today. In 2014, I

suffered from a major stroke which affected the use of my left side, leaving me paralyzed. I

remember getting angry when friends and family said that they understood what I was going

through. How could they even begin to understand? In a matter of 12 hours, I went from walking

to wheelchair bound. It was this experience that helped me to navigate that, like my disability, I

would never fully understand what POC have gone through, just as able-bodied people would

never understand my own experience. But, I will continue to better situate myself so that I can

better see. This experience has taken a blindfold off from my ignorance and unconscious

participation of my white privilege realities. Thus, viewing that POC are awash in whiteness,

with little to no representation in our society, allowing only small pockets of agency.
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Fortunately, colonialism no longer exists. However, their invisible structures are still in

practice today. This is evident in our binary ways of thinking, and in our divided labor

exploitation of the capitalist enterprise. Today, in Urban dwellings, the white man still thinks he

has the right and the privilege to take from the less fortunate, this is known as gentrification.

Whitney:

While writing this, as a white person, I was extraordinarily cautious with my word

choice. I found myself using words that privilege me or that marginalized POC. Throughout my

text you will see these word choice omissions. They will be crossed out to show how the words I

chose to use were limiting others. I chose to leave them in play because of the importance they

provide. Our words have power; our words hurt; our words heal. As an academic discussing

these power struggles and my personal experiences with them I found the words difficult to

locate. While some words flowed out like raging waters, others were dug out painfully from deep

inside me. In all, I do not think I found all the ways to say and express the shame and privilege I

feel. This balancing act of ensuring I am vocal enough to be read, but gentle enough to be heard

has been difficult for me.

In utilizing queer and feminist theories, I hope to show how hegemonic structures rely on

multiple oppressors to maintain an imbalance of patriarchy and racism. Multiple theorists have

argued that you cannot maintain one oppression or oppressor while others are being freed

(O’loughlin, 1993 & Lorde, 1979). I will identify POC as queer in the larger image of hegemonic

American ideals. Our discourse requires use to value certain attributes above other; wealth is

considered more desirable than poverty, strength more so than weakness. It is in these assertions

that homophobia, heterosexism, and racism navigate. The underlying bias of power and authority
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both marginalize and oppress those who are not born into or do not attain the highest societal

rankings. So, while it may be unconventional to assert that POC are queer, in this framework I

hope to argue that their counter to whiteness and simply by embodying a body of color, one is

counter to this hegemonic ideal or status quo.

Intersectionality argues power struggles, patriarchy, and hegemonic structures have an

impact on persons lived experiences, ability to navigate the world, and perceptions of privilege.

Coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw and Patricia Hill Collins to discuss the difficulties of women of

color in feminism, intersectionality has grown to include many persons perceptions and roles in

communities (Fiorenza, 2016). While I do not wish to get into the idea of oppression Olympics, I

do think this intersection and overlap of people could be more valuable than the differences. One

cannot quantify how or who hurts more from the lived experiences of Otherness. I find it

difficult to embrace the notion of one pain being more prevalent or dangerous than the other.

However, I do recognize the privilege that is afforded to some to hide their marginalization while

others are exposed immediately. However, Lorde (1979) argues that many women of color, and

queer women of color, believe they have more in common with heteronormative men of color

than they do queer white woman. I wonder, what similarities tie greater connections? Is it

because of the horrific exploitation of POC by white bodies that the distrust is so deep? Does our

anti-hegemonic lifestyle not outweigh the oppression experiences by and at the hand of our

foremothers and fathers? This idea of a kyriarchal structure which prioritizes privilege in many

ways makes it almost impossible for anyone to understand aggressions outside of their element.

However, these pyramid faces allow for many marginalized persons to maintain a level of

oppression in one world, while excelling in another. There are many similarities in homophobia

and racism, after all, they are both social constructs. These similarities include many of the ways
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these two groups of people were and are assaulted simply for existing (Tipton, 2011). This idea

of race and gender superiority may be heavily weighted for some, but go unnoticed for others

(Florenza, 2016). I find it troubling that marginalized bodies cannot see past color their own

oppression to identify the similarities they have. It is in this work across races, sexuality,

gender, and ethnicities that more can be done to free all oppressed bodies.

The America we know today has been formed on colonization and oppression of many

for the prosperity of the elite. These behaviors can still be seen today in both overt and nuanced

ways. It is in the unpacking of these aggressions and assumptions of superiority that we begin to

untangle the web of isms and phobias. When you work to free the most oppressed amongst us,

the title wave of freedom is felt. You cannot counter the deepest oppression and not have a

positive effect on all oppressed people (Lorde, 1979).

The power dynamic found in racism was both economical and societal in its roots

(Russell, 2011). Today, we still see this societal oppression and power. These same defining

categorizations can be easily applied to heteronormative functions. It is queer persons that are

others, and seen as not the norm, not the superior. In fact, it was not until homosexuals came to

be known as Other, that the term heterosexual was coined (Sedwick, 1990). In order to lift

themselves, define themselves, and make themselves infinitely different from Others, that

heteronormative white bodies began to label what they were as a counter to what they were not.

The same can be said for POC. It was not until Colonialists saw Others with dark skin that they

had to define themselves not as Other, white, or as the ideal. This American tradition of defining

yourself against the Other in order to normalize, value, or uplift yourself is disruptive to a

holistic community (Sedwick, 1990).

The micro experiences which encompassed my understanding of race and privilege did
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not happen at once. It was decades of experiences as the insider and outsider that has shaped who

I am and how I view race, others, and myself. This untangling too, has been a slow process.

Looking at my misunderstandings and examining how I view the world has been slow. However,

the indoctrination into a raced society happened in such nuanced and minute ways that they went

unnoticed for many years. Watching the media portray POC as dangerous and villainous affected

me. Seeing how many POC were not afforded opportunities to succeed, but cloaking it in

laziness defined their attributes to me. These conversations, experiences, and norms were so

ingrained in every aspect of my life growing up, that I did not think to question them.

I fear that the discourse from Anglo persons often falls aside from fear or shame. Just as

we were born into our skin color, we were also born into the privilege it provides. This privilege

may make living daily life easier for some, but it is shameful. I am ashamed. Racism and

kyriarchy formed around race, poverty, and gender hurts everyone even the elite, white,

heteronormative male. Sometimes discussing race is difficult, but it is necessary. It is important

to learn to live in the discomfort these discussions cause. I am here now, sitting in the

unknowing. Unsure of any historical truths or future realities about race. While I manifest in this

uncomfortable zone for longer periods of time, it becomes more known and static. I am a white

queer transracial mother. I do not know what this means for me, my wife, or my sons. I do not

know what will come of or for them tomorrow, but I know that I have fear. I have fear of how

others will perceive my children. My oldest is 10, black and is defiant. He talks back and

constantly questions why things are happening. How will society treat this personality when he is

a man. If he were white, the discourse would include how strong, intelligent, and forthright he

was. And my youngest, 4, is so outgoing and personable. What will life be for him when he is a

6-foot-tall dark skinned black man?

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Being a parent to children of color has allowed me to see small details and outlines of

racism I never noticed. Small details like how schools assume my special education black child

has lazy black parents must have uneducated parents. Or how white families feel the need to

thank me for adopting children of color so they might have a greater quality of life. Because,

according to them, it is white people who have a good life. Or how POC have both offered me

suggestions for raising my children, and have felt the right to question how or why I am their

mother. At midnight when I am soothing fevers, at six a.m. when i am packing lunches, and at

bedtime when we are singing lullabies I do not see our differences. Instead i feel their love, i see

their future potential, and I am both elated and exhausted.

Sitting, thinking, writing, and feeling about this unknown. Sitting in the gray are of

insecurity is where I find myself today. The biggest takeaway from this work is how, while all of

us in this group are white, we navigate the world quite differently. We experience race

differently, and we understand oppression and privilege differently.

John:

So the question arises; how can I, as a white, heterosexual male relate to issues

concerning race, racial prejudice, systemic racism, and the like? I come from a middle-class

family of German-Irish ancestry. The religion of my family is solely Roman Catholic. In fact,

before marrying and having children, my mother was a Franciscan Nun and my father was a

Christian Brother. Central to both of their ethe is the idea of charity and social justice. At the

root of my parents’ idea of social justice and the true interpretation of Roman Catholic doctrine

was the Second Vatican Council (Vatican II) under Pope John XXIII in 1962. Vatican II among

other things calls all Christians to “poverty and obedience” (Lamb and Levering, 2008, p. 55).
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 15

So, how can those who call themselves Catholics display such ostentatious wealth? Later, I

would learn race is connected to income inequality. In fact, “racial diversity is a robust predictor

of income inequality” (Liu, Wei, & Simon, 2017, p. 248). I would also learn from first-hand

experience that race plays a big role in access to monetary and social capital. Perhaps the

Vatican II message of the importance of poverty and the role of the laity, the relationship

between race and capital, and Marxism, and more specifically, Black Marxism, as described by

Cedric Robinson, can provide me with a way to consider people of races different from my own.

When I was in my mid-20’s I moved to New York. I moved more or less on a whim, and I took

a job as a waiter. My first waiting job was terrible, and I soon quit and found a job in a much

more upscale restaurant in the Village. It was there that I would see for the first time just how

well some people live. It was there also that I would see how race and ethnicity affect access to

capital.

The first table on which I was to wait at the new restaurant was a table for 2. I can still

remember that these 2-people ordered 2 bottles of Cristal Champagne, each one costing over

$300. The food bill was just as impressive, and together the couple ordered over $1000 worth of

food for one night. At the time, I was most excited by the fact that the man at the table left a

$200 tip. (Unfortunately, I would not partake in this tip as this was one of my 3 training nights,

for which I received no remuneration.) In one night, 2 people had spent more money than the

rent that I struggled to make in a month. They didn’t even act like it was a big deal, simply

another night. However, later I would receive my share of these tips.

At the restaurant, tips were pooled and all front-of-the-house staff, waiters, food-runners,

busboys, bartenders, and maître d’s would receive a portion. Waiters received a larger share than

both busboys and food-runners, and I became aware that waiters were White and usually male,
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while food-runners and busboys were Hispanic, mainly Mexican or Mexican-American. I as a

white, male waiter received a larger portion for what was probably less work than that of a food

runner. Still, the gross income inequality between waiter and waited is what stood out.

Cedric Robinson (1983) discusses 3 African-American thinkers, W. E. B. Du Bois, C. L. R.

James and Richard Wright, who considered the ideas of Marx and Engels and their

appropriateness for the specific plight of African-Americans. C. L. R. James, in Robinson

(1983), writes “the leaders of the revolution are usually those who have been able to profit by the

cultural advantages of the system they are attacking” (p. 276). I was no “leader of the

revolution” to be sure, but I would complain about the system from which I was a

beneficiary. This hierarchy preferenced white, male me over my Hispanic coworkers; yet, I was

the one who complained about the system.

Further slapping the connection between race and capital in my face, I became friends

with 2 of the food runner and a waiter who had recently been a food runner. All were illegal

immigrants from Mexico, 2 from the Puebla region and one from the border region with Texas.

They initially became friends with me because we had a Texas connection, though my Texas

experience was nothing like theirs. Filiberto, one of my friends, on meeting my soon-to-be wife

would relate crossing the Rio Grande into Texas, concluding by happily and enthusiastically

announcing, “I am a wetback!” Rodrigo was the other food runner, and Javier was the waiter,

who had recently been a food-runner.

Javier was an excellent waiter, and when I first started, not knowing the French culinary

terms or the ingredients used by the chef, I would rely on Javier to help me understand after the

chef had announced his daily specials. Javier was patient and always willing to explain. After I

had worked at the restaurant for about 10 months, Javier was demoted to food runner. Why?
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Javier was a better waiter than I was. I learned it was because there was a customer who claimed

she could not understand Javier’s accent, which is preposterous; I never had a problem

understanding Javier.

Every day in this land some white man is cussing out some defenseless Negro. But that

white bastard is too stupid to realize that his actions are being duplicated a million times

in a million other spots by other whites who feel hatred for Negroes just like he

does. He’s too blind to see that this daily wave of a million tiny assaults builds u p a vast

reservoir of resentments in Negroes. (Wright (1953), as cited in Robinson, 1983, p. 304)

Lamb and Levering (2008) write that “aposolicam actuositatem frequently repeats that

the Church’s mission concerns each member of the body and that no one of the baptized can

remain passive” (p. 250). Yet, I remained passive. I continued to work as a waiter, and I never

confronted the management. What would C. L. R. James say of my failure to become a “leader

of the revolution?” Jesus would not have failed to be a leader of the revolution. Considered

another way, maybe it was not my place to intervene, another white male with his opinions. I

will never know.

I continued to work for the wage of a waiter, while others worked for busboy or food-

runner wages. Du Bois, as reported by Robinson, writes, “the wisest of the leader [of the

Communist Party] cold not clearly envisage just how slave labor in conjunction and competition

with free labor tended to reduce all labor toward slavery” (p. 201). While not free, the

depressed, wages of the busboys and food-runners allowed me to enjoy a greater share of the

profits and it allowed the patrons to enjoy a better meal at lower cost to them. However, as was

seen by Du Bois, these depressed wages hurt all who worked for a wage. The depressed wages

would allow the owners, the holders of the capital to become richer. As a result, they would be
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 18

able to afford more and more expensive meals. Meals that would not just be out of reach of the

food-runners, but out of my reach as well.

Although, why should this concern me. Lamb and Levering (2008) write that the tenets

of Vatican II remind us that it is the

common vocation of all Christians to charity. This does not turn us away from the world.

On the contrary, it is the saints who are the most active in the world because they situate

the world in its true place as God created and redeemed it. It is in the world that God, in

Christ, gives himself to the very life of the faithful, and this life must transfigure the

world and orient it toward the consummation of the Kingdom of God, which transcends

it. The correct conception of holiness does not empty out the world with its constraints

and its demands but refuses to be limited by the world. (p. 55)

I, as a Christian, should be willing to do my part to bring about the “consummation of the

Kingdom of God; but, I don’t. I chase my piece of the pie as everyone else. I fear being poor

even though I know that is what I am called to be.

So, here we are. I am called to poverty, but I do not heed the call. I am called to speak

out against the slave wages of POC, but I do not speak out. In my everyday life, I scrap for my

wages and worry about the bills but leave the larger question unanswered and the harder tasks

undone. Perhaps my experiences and subsequent education allow me a better understanding of

the racial issues facing our world today. I believe that these racial issues are inextricably

connected to issues of class and that one will not be solved without the other. I will never know

what it is like to be of another color, but I would like to take some comfort in an idea of Jacques

Diagnault believed that “to know is to commit murder to terrorize. Nihilism refers to the

abandonment of any attempt to know… Diagnault (1983) calls for us to live in the middle, in
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spaces neither terroristic or nihilistic (Pinar, Reynolds, Slattery & Taubman, 2008, p. 481). So, I

will never know what it was like to have swum the Rio Grande; I will never know what it is like

to live as a Black person in America; to know would kill; but, I must never abandon the hope of

knowing. I must try to understand, while realizing that I never will.

Group Dialogue:

Stephanie,

You noted in your auto ethnography that you experienced life as a minority Anglo person

two times in your life; once in Greensboro, North Carolina and once in Morocco. I wonder if

these experiences, while both difficult and rich provided a greater amount of understanding from

you for POC. That is, do you feel this experience helped you understand some of the difficulty of

POC navigating a patriarchal society which places Anglos at the top of the pyramid? Society

automatically dictates a dualism in binaries, often citing differences. You cannot have white

without black, homosexual without heterosexual (Sedwick,1990). It is the dichotomy around

these differences that privileges one. While you maintained a privilege setting in America, you

were the Other in many ways while in Morocco. Do you feel this shift of power positions

impacted you?

-Whitney

Whitney,

What these experiences did was to help me better situate of myself in the feeling and

appreciation of being together and represented in a common familiar space amongst people who

shared similar backgrounds. Like I also mentioned, I will never fully understand what it is to be
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 20

of a different race, just as able-bodied people will never fully understand what it like to be

disabled. So yes, feeling like an outside “other” did impact me. However, I had the opportunity

to go out in the world and be an outsider, but I could also go back and find protected spaces.

Where POC are faced with this reality on a daily basis. In Lee Daniels The Butler, Cecil

remembers his father telling him- “IT’s their world, we're just living in it” Unfortunately that still

holds true. Their world-meaning white dominated.

-Stephanie

Stephanie,

I find myself constantly questioning oppression and power structures within our society.

While it does hold true that racial inequalities have been prevalent in our culture for hundreds of

years, it is difficult to layer or number the level of aggressions a person receives. Micro-

aggressions are often so nuances and minute, that they are difficult to encompass or translate into

words. That is to say, in no way am I comparing our white experiences with POC, but I wonder

if you and I may understand what it feels like have more empathy, more than other white bodies

persons navigate a different type of oppression. One that can never really be understood by

someone who is constantly “outing” themselves. This same coming of age situations queer

people navigate to announce to the world that they are not heteronormative is done many times.

You do not simply come out once, persons of color too, are constantly coming out, this is a

normal part of the day. Leaving the house is outing themselves to the world that they are indeed

a POC and you are existing. This outing too is not necessarily from choice, but from questioning.

“What are you”. I wonder, if like me you have experienced these moments as a differently abled

person? I imagine someone might meet you and not immediately realize that you have had a
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 21

stroke. Do you find yourself in awkward situations once it is evident? Do people change their

persona? I experience this quite often as someone who is often read as heteronormative.

If and when I choose to let my queer identity be known I am at a crossroads with myself

as labeling myself Other, and waiting to see if they will accept me. POC however, most often are

read immediately and this provides an immediate opportunity for others to react prior to

engagement. The bigotry and racism is evident and immediate. However, I wonder if light

skinned or “white passing” individuals face an extra layer of unique oppression in this passing. I

wonder how this life differs for them, if it does, I am curious if they feel the same way I do when

letting myself be known? I understand that many people of mixed races are adamant in being

recognized for their marginalized ethnicity (Bettez, 2011). I too feel this when being read as

heteronormative. While it is not all of who I am, it has dictated a large part of my existence. To

deny this aspect of oneself, to deny the work put in by out queer persons of history does a

disservice the legacy of strong LGBTQIA+ people.

-Whitney

Whitney,

Your comment made me realize that, I have been able to hide my disability. After being

wheelchair bond and months of therapy, I was able to get up and walk, I realize now, that I was

embarrassed to be handicapped, thus not wanting to be labeled as one. I have been lucky to hide

my handicap, unlike many others it is very visible. My situation is different as I am handicapped,

but most people just think that I have injured myself. People often ask what happened to me, and

I explain to them, I don’t think they react to me differently, other than trying to be overly helpful.

My ability to appear just injured is credited to my hard work and family’s socio-economic
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 22

standings. It has offered me a unique lens into 2 different worlds. I guess it comes down to

choice and comfort levels of individuals letting it be known. Whereas the color of one’s skin is

not a choice and a completely different road to navigate.

-Stephanie

Hi Stephanie,

You have had many unique experiences which have helped you become the beautiful,

strong, and thoughtful person that you are. You seem to have been aware of your privilege from

a very young age, and now your education makes you even more aware. Which of your many

experiences do you feel was the most responsible for your current identity formation? Or, was it

not that simple?

-John

John,

My many experiences have shaped me and exposed me to many uncomfortable truths,

which such truths, I cannot even begin to understand what it is like to be on the opposite binary

with many stigmatized associations. For example, black as criminal and white as good and pure.

I believe it was my currerer experience - investigating the self in order to know self, that stands

out the most. After exploring literature on colonial discourse, and post-colonial theories. I

learned what colonialism did, it gave the white male the power to control, and the belief they are

superior and that it is their right to take. I find myself shamed at the events that took place long

before I was born, and how I unconsciously participated in them, and how they continue to exist

even today. This shame comes from being a white person with privilege, and is something that I
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 23

must uncomfortably go through in order to better understand. Basically, my eyes were opened

during this process whereas before they had been shut.

-Stephanie

Whitney,

You have had a rich experience of being a minority white woman in many contexts,

which has placed you in a position of great awareness of the racial constructs/ constraints in

which our American society has placed here. You were denied a cultural heritage. I am curious

to what and how you will help your sons become familiar to their racial heritage? Before my

stroke, I was planning on getting a sperm donor before I reached 45. I was seriously thinking

about that sperm donor be of color. Now looking back, I am nearly at that age and realized that I

am ill equipped to provide any cultural knowledge, that is why I am curious.

-Stephanie

Stephanie,

While I agree that I have been the Other several times in my life, I was and am still part

of the dominant hegemony. Navigating these small spaces where I felt uncomfortable or

unwelcome seems to be the tip of the iceberg for a majority of POC. I would like to think that I

have some foundational understanding of the difficulties faced by oppressed populations as I

believe that society embodies racism, sexism, and homophobia concurrently (Lorde, 1979, &

Gaard, 1997). As a queer identified person I have had to navigate the patriarchy which Others

me. I find our society awash in heteronormativity. Every aspect of my daily life is indoctrinated

with minute details identifying heterosexuals as the norm and ideal. When I examine this through

a lens of color I begin to see the community for POC too is awash in whiteness. Most
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 24

advertisements, people of authority, personal care products, and a multitude of daily interactions

are geared towards white bodies. I have experienced implicit bias, macroaggressions, and full on

bigotry and phobia. This recognition however, does not make the reality of it any less difficult. I

was and still am not ready or prepared to equip my children with all they need to succeed as

Black men in this country. I hope that my ability to recognize my shortcomings in this arena will

prove beneficial in the long run, but often the answer is simply, “I do not know”.

-Whitney

Whitney,

Being white doesn't always guarantee lack of oppression when you have intersections of

other identities that complete you such as being a queer woman. You have a unique lens of being

at the top of the hierarchy while being oppressed, at the same time, for your identities. Which in

the long run will only benefit you to lead on to help others. Unfortunately, colonialism left

behind invisible structures such as a binary way of looking at the world, and if you do not fit into

that heteronormative box, you are considered to be wrong, thus “Othered”. On a positive note,

we can create a space, where all voices can be heard and amplified. New emerging fields of

inquiry have helped lift the veil of silence. Such fields like post-colonial theory, and queer and

feminist theories.

-Stephanie

Stephanie,

I believe you may be right. Juggling these two identities however, is not always easy. I

think of Anzalduas work, Borderlands and the difficulty that comes with occupying two

distinctly different lives (Anzaldua, 2007). One with privilege (as a white person) and one as an
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 25

oppressed person (queer). These two cultural identities make up a large part of my life's

experiences, while neither defines me, they often impact my life's choices. I feel with this

experience I may be better suited to empathize and recognize the oppression POC face

empathize or understand oppression of all marginalized population to a certain extent. However,

I have the ability to hide my marginalization which is both a hindrance and a societal gift, while

most POC cannot do so.

-Whitney

Hi Whitney,

You have lived quite an exciting life that has made you the beautiful and strong person

that you are. As you were living your experiences, which instances caused you the most fear,

being in a minority in terms of skin color, or being of a sexual orientation that was and still is

discriminated against? (By the way, for what it’s worth (probably nothing), I apologize for my

church; we are terrible in this regard.) For what it is worth the Second Vatican Council

cautioned “inadequate understanding of the dignity and destiny of the human person can lead to

a dehumanization that obscures the truth the Christ has revealed about each and every human

[emphasis added] being” (Lamb & Levering, 2008, p. 159) What worries you most now? You

have two beautiful non-white sons; I know that my own children, and their futures, keep me

awake at night.

-John

John,

No need to apologize. I work very hard to counter opposition with love and education,

although it is exhausting. I understand that most cultural and religious views which cast me aside

and Other me are filled with a lack of understanding. I am hopeful that over time all persons and
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 26

organizations, including religious entities see the value in all people without labeling parts of us

as sinners. I do not believe there is any part of me that needs forgiveness, nor do i believe

someone can truly accept or love me in spite of my orientation. That said, I have often felt fear in

my life. I have felt the fear as a woman walking alone on a downtown street. I have avoided

sections of town because of their high crime rates, which not so coincidentally were populated by

POC because of poor opportunities offered to POC. I have intentionally not worn certain

clothing out because of fear of reprimand and harassment. I believe I have faced more fear

sexually as a woman and not so much because of my race or queer identity. While I have been

marginalized While I was not always the majority because of my skin color, I was still the

hegemonic status-quo. In all black/latinx settings I have been labeled other, but understand now

that the oppression faced by these groups ran much deeper than that awkward feeling of being

the only white person at an event. Historically the colonization of people labeled other, either for

race or sexuality has been documented as heroic (Evans,1978). As an adult, I can respect the idea

that I was Othered as an Anglo person, it is almost bittersweet and comical to think of a white

person being Othered for their race. Perhaps a better word choice for this would be that I was

often unwelcome in spaces meant for POC. I can see now that these spaces provided a comfort

away from a structure which oppressed. My presence in these spaces was my assertion that I

should be allowed to be there. It is a hard pill to swallow, realizing that not all spaces are meant

for me. I can appreciate the unsure feeling people may have of me because my skin color reflects

a history of pain and abuse. As a queer person who is often read as heteronormative I have a

great amount of privilege.

My wife and I often argue about who “has it worse”. She is most often read as queer so

there are few instances that she has to “out” herself. I, on the other hand am often faced with the
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 27

choice of citing my wife, partner, or spouse. Deciding to use her name or simply saying

significant other. I have faced instances where people have abruptly ended casual conversations

with me once I mention her. On the other hand, I have had the choice to maintain a

heteronormative appearance is conservative settings. These are both benefits and negatives to

being read as something you are not.

With regard to my children, I do not know where to begin. Yes, thought of their lives

keep me up at night. They had a rough start, and now are living a life of some privilege. Just the

other day my 10-year-old and I had a long discussion about doing what is asked of him. We

ended our discussion with both of us in tears. While I may have never needed to have this

conversation with a white child, with my black son I have to explain that he MUST do what is

asked of him from people with legal authority. If he is ever pulled over or questioned by the

police I have such a great fear that he will continue to question without complying. I would

rather have an angry son who feels he was misjudged than a dead or incarcerated one.

Additionally, I do teach him to comply with what is being asked, then to ask questions for

clarification. I am sure this is a regular issue with all children, but I doubt all white parents see it

leading to police shootings and jail time. It is difficult for me to hinder his curiosity while still

maintaining that society expects more from him just to break even. Society has shown time and

again that POC and other marginalized groups are not afforded the same opportunities or

assumptions as white bodied persons.

-Whitney

Whitney,

That was well and thoughtfully said, Whitney. You have a lot of compassion and a big

heart. I do hope that people like you are able to affect others and make the world a better place.
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 28

I have been scared many times as well. I feel I may be a coward. When I started teaching in

NYC the students behaved differently than the kids I had grown up with in suburban Catholic

Schools. At first, I didn’t know how to relate, and I didn’t do well; they didn’t like me very

much, and I understand why. I think that at heart I was scared. However, the story has a happy

ending. After 2 years (I’m slow.), I started to really like my students (most). I loved their brash

and sometime confrontational attitudes! They had real spunk. They also started to like me, I

think. I was really having a good time and was sad to leave, but we had 2 kids with one on the

way and all I could afford was a 1 bedroom in Queens. My wife wanted to be closer to home.

When I waited tables, before I taught, in NYC, much of the kitchen and floor staff were

illegal immigrants, most from Puebla Mexico. They liked me because I was from Texas and

many of them had crossed the border in Texas. One of the food-runners, Filiberto, started

talking all kinds of shit to me. Most nights he worked early shift, and I worked late. He would

frequently tell me, “John, tonight I’m going to stay and beat you up after work.” I do think of

myself as a fearful person, but I’ve never been one to back down from a physical

challenge. “Filiberto, stick around, and I’ll kick your ass!” This continued for several weeks. I

was so mad; I couldn’t stand Filiberto, and I really did want to just fight him. Well, he was just

“taking the piss,” as the Brits say. Fast-forward maybe a month, and we were best friend;

Filiberto and Javier were hanging out most nights after work having drinks and roaming the

town.

When I hear news about white police officers or neighborhood watchman shooting or

beating Black or Hispanic individuals, I think most of it comes from fear. I was scared in front

of those classes in New York. I was scared that I was going to have to fight Filiberto. Maybe,

people like you can help us move beyond the fear to the understanding. I don’t get as scared of
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 29

those sorts of things anymore. I’ve found new things to worry about.

-John

John,

Learning to listen is key. I’m curious to know if the students you taught in NY were of

color, and if so, what did they say? What did you learn? Were you able to apply your new

knowledge to your students at Country Day? It is a wake-up check when we experience how

different are worlds really are, things that we take for granted like walking down to the river,

trespassing, a concept that white people would not even consider getting shot at, but this is a

reality that POC are constantly facing while they navigate in our white dominated world. I think

this is a good area for you to expand upon.

-Stephanie

Stephanie,

My NYC students were of all sorts. Some were of non-white color. There were African-

American students, and I really came to realize how useless the term, “Hispanic,” is to describe

someone. In NYC, there were “Hispanics” from all over the world. Some had families from

Mexico, some Puerto Rico, some Brazil or Chile, or Argentina. Many were from the islands. I

do think about my privilege as I trespass. I also consider it on walks with my daughter where we

easily move in and out of fancy hotels with no one questioning us. There are POC as well, but I

imagine that I could dress down considerably before anyone bothered to question me or my

daughter.

-John
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 30

John,

I can't help but wonder if your experiences with life were centered mainly around

religion, if you categorized or labeled groups by denomination? Do you think that because so

much of your early identity was with regard to religion that race was less of a factor than was

someone's religious views? Just like the binary groups of gender and race, religion too separates

people.

-Whitney

Whitney,

I think you are on to something. I have always identified as Catholic. While many were

“taking a break from the church” during their college years, some never to return, I continued. I

really don’t know why. This question of why has been my constant companion since high

school. The catholic church has a terrible history, and even its recent past and present have

many stains with regard to treating people who don’t fit into their narrow mold very badly; so

badly that I fear many have left the church, if they were ever in, and now the church is even more

dominated by what I’ll call, for lack of a better word, “conservative” church goers. Indeed, I

have no friends from church. I’m certain that if they talked with me for more than 10 minutes,

they would call for my excommunication, and my Catholicism is somehow very important to

me; I won’t let another damn catholic take it away from me… No, friends is not accurate, but I

have no white friends who are also catholic (they tend to be the most conservative and intolerant

(at least to my mind)).

-John
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 31

Conclusion

When concluding our research, we, as a group, asserted to recognize POC in our pursuit

of theory. To ensure equity in our work, we questioned and valued each other’s experiences as

both nuanced and unique. While we all identify as Anglo-Saxon, our relationships around race,

or lack of relationships has shaped and framed the way we view and interact in the world. We

discussed not having an “aha” moment about inequity and strategic racism, but instead have

viewed our awakening as a slow wave of knowledge. Through our lived experiences, both non-

traditional and traditional curriculum, and through the help of others we are able to navigate the

world as white persons.

We, as Anglo scholars identify our privilege as white bodied persons in America and

intend to assert our privilege towards good, to applaud persons of color to take the floor, to

listen, and be humbled by the knowledge of persons of color (This was difficult to verbalize. It

seems no matter how we worded this, we were constantly taking the upper hand, making the

assumption that somehow, we could “allow” POC to do something.) Lastly, we hope to identify

our shortcomings in understanding what it is like to navigate the world in any other body but our

own. As white bodied people, we are aware that we will never fully understand the experiences

of POC. But we continue to see, hear, and learn from their experiences, in order for their stories

to continue to give greater insight to both scholarship and our communities towards a just world.
TRI-ETHNOGRAPHY 32

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