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Makenna Stergion

Sheila Fields

WRTC 103

28 January 2019

Finding Faith Through the Pain

My whole life I never questioned my Catholic faith, until my high school friend died and

my world was changed. According to Pope Francis, a Catholic is someone who lives “to engage

the world and share in its “joy and hope, grief and anguish” (Appleby par. 4). Similar to this

mindset, I am an accepting open-minded Catholic. However, I learned not everyone in the

religion thinks the same way. I learned this the hard way when my close friend committed

suicide. I was told harshly by a conservative catholic that he was going to hell. Undergoing this

experience helped me realize I can follow Catholicism while still following my true values.

The Catholic Church has drastically changed throughout its origins compared to now.

The definition of the Old Catholic church is “any of the groups of Western Christians who

believe themselves to maintain in complete loyalty the doctrine and traditions of the undivided

church” (Encyclopaedia Britannica par. 1). Old catholics took the bible and its teachings severely

literally, while now a lot of Catholics have an more open abstract idea of the bible’s teachings. I

grew up Catholic, received sacraments, and went to Catholic high school for 4 years. I also was

involved with the community group at my church where we would help prepare and serve

dinners for homeless and less fortunate people. Although for awhile I practiced this religion, I

did not realize the questionable elements about Catholicism until my teenage years. There are big

controversies over whether people who kill themselves go to hell and also if gay relationships

and people are accepted in the church. An article “Suicide” by Encyclopaedia Britannica states;
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“Throughout history, suicide has been both condemned and condoned by various societies. It is

generally condemned by Islam, Judaism, and Christianity, and suicide attempts are punishable by

law in many countries” (par. 2). I strongly believe people with mental illness or who are having

suicidal thoughts should be helped and supported, not chastised.

One conflict I have had with being Catholic is the belief if you commit suicide you

immediately go to hell and that it is a completely selfish choice to make. This topic is very

sensitive to me because during my senior year of high school, my close friend Nick committed

suicide. I was heartbroken along with many of my friends. My friend Libby’s mother who is a

very strict Catholic told a group of parents that Nick was in Hell and was an awful person for his

decision to end his life. Hearing this news crushed me and made the pain I was going through so

much worse. Nick was such an amazing caring human being and I wanted to protect his name. I

also hated hearing negative comments about him, because what he and everyone in that moment

really needed was love and support. Because of this experience, I realized not everyone who is

Catholic interprets the Bible the same way, and they do not have the same values that I do. I did

not think that Nick was an awful person and in Hell because of his decision. Nick was struggling

with mental illness and family issues that he could not control. I realized through this experience

that I strongly disagree with conservative Catholic views. I knew after this moment that I was

still Catholic but that God loves you no matter what. God does not want to punish you for pain

you are enduring. When people are mourning, I think love is so important instead of bringing

people down even more. This experience also ignited a passion for helping people with mental

illness so that they do not feel alone or hated. I would never wish this experience on anyone.

Although this experience was heartbreaking and strenuous to endure, I learned a lot about

myself and my religion from it. I learned that not every Catholic has the same values and beliefs.
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I definitely do not want to be classified as someone who is cruel to people who commit suicide

or have a mental illness. This experience has shaped me into a Catholic who loves and accepts

everyone for their differences and struggles. My understanding of Catholicism now is that you

can interpret God’s word however you want, but I choose to do so with compassion. From this

experience, I am now also more aware of mental illness and its effects. You never know what

someone is going through, so I want to live my life guided by faith and kindness. I know my

values now and I would not change them for the world.
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January 21, 2019 10:07 pm

This selfie relates to my experience because I have pushed through the difficult moments in life

and still found love and faith in my religion. In the selfie I am wearing my kairos cross which I

received at a religious retreat at school which was positive experience in my Catholic faith.

Work Cited

Appleby, R. Scott. “The Roman Catholic Church Under Pope Francis.” Encyclopædia

Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., 19 Dec. 2013,

www.britannica.com/topic/Roman-Catholic-Church-Under-Pope-Francis-The-1960266.

Britannica, The Editors of Encyclopaedia. “Old Catholic Church.” Encyclopædia Britannica,

Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., 24 June 2013, www.britannica.com/topic/Old-Catholic-

church.

Britannica, The Editors of Encyclopaedia. “Suicide.” Encyclopædia Britannica,

Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., 9 Jan. 2019, www.britannica.com/topic/suicide.

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