EssAY

by Hannah Baumgartner

Submission date: 15-Apr-2019 07:58AM (UT C-0400)

Submission ID: 1112797549
File name: A_Midsummer_Night_s_Dream_Essay_AutoRecovered.docx (15.37K)
Word count: 670
Character count: 3637
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EssAY
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

93
PAGE 1
/100

Comment 1
remember this goes on the lef t.

Comment 2
edit caref ully f or clarity.

Comment 3
unclear pronoun ref erence.

Comment 4
A colon would be a better choice here.

Comment 5
comma splice.

PAGE 2

Comment 6
Some very interesting analysis here.

Comment 7
not sure how the evidence is supporting your claim. perhaps your claim is a bit beyond the
 not sure how the evidence is supporting your claim. perhaps your claim is a bit beyond the
literature.

Comment 8
the evidence doesn't suggest that Helena was committed to mutual or obligated mutual
success.

Comment 9
what makes them vulnerable?

Comment 10
by whom?

Comment 11
this concept is a contradiction in logic

Comment 12
the need is f lawed...how?

PAGE 3

Comment 13
how do you determine this.

Comment 14
Hannah,

Again, you're demonstrating some complex ideas. However, at times in this essay you seem to
try so hard to achieve an academic tone and complexity that you tend to obf uscate your own
meaning, and this can make your essay lack clarity. You are a strong writer, trust that and don't
struggle to conf late what you could say more precisely and succinctly.

You make an interesting analysis of the f eminist movement, if we can call it that, and it is an
interesting critique. It may be so complex that you need more research and support that what
textual evidence you can present in the play. But keep pushing yourself to think deeply about
these kinds of things.
RUBRIC: 9 TH-12TH GRADE ANALYSIS

CLAIM/FOCUS Advanced
Claim and Focus: Make a clear claim about the text(s) early in the essay and f ocus on proving it.

ADVANCED T he essay makes a clear claim about the purpose, ef f ectiveness, or message of the
text(s) based on the strategies, techniques, or devices of the text(s). T he essay
maintains f ocus on analyzing the text(s), using the whole essay to develop the claim
and thoroughly address the demands of the prompt.

PROFICIENT T he essay makes a clear claim about the purpose, ef f ectiveness, or message of the
text(s). T he essay maintains a f ocus on the text(s), but may stray at times f rom
developing the claim. If more than one text is being analyzed, the essay demonstrates
a good balance between or among the texts and addresses the demands of the
prompt.

DEVELOPING T he essay makes a claim about the text(s), but may not connect the claim to the
strategies, techniques, or devices of the text(s). T he essay may maintain f ocus on
the text(s), but not the analysis (or vice versa). If more than one text is being
analyzed, the writer may neglect one or more and may not f ully address the demands
of the prompt.

EMERGING T he essay does not have a claim about the text or about the strategies, techniques,
or devices of the text(s), but may instead of f er overly general f acts as a claim. T he
essay does not develop a claim throughout the essay and does not address the
demands of the prompt.

ANALYSIS/EVID Prof icient

Analysis and Evidence: Choose the right evidence and analyze the evidence's purpose and ef f ect.

ADVANCED T he essay cites the most appropriate and valid evidence to support its claim and f ully
explains how the evidence cited leads to the message or purpose of the text(s). T he
essay demonstrates insightf ul reasoning and f ull understanding of the strategies of
the text(s).

PROFICIENT T he essay cites appropriate evidence to support its claim and f ollows up evidence
with explanations of how it works to achieve the author's message. Summary, if
present, is balanced with analysis. T he essay demonstrates some reasoning and a
basic understanding of the text's or texts' strategies.

DEVELOPING T he essay relies too heavily on summary and of f ers only vague analysis to support
its claim and evidence is not f ollowed up with analysis. T he essay demonstrates very
little reasoning, and instead includes assertions about the text's or texts' strategies.

EMERGING T he essay does not use evidence f rom the text(s) f or the purpose of analysis. T he
essay may incorporate summary without analysis, neglecting to f ocus on the
f eatures of the text(s).

ORGANIZ AT ION Advanced

Organization: Include an engaging introduction and strong conclusion. Use transitions throughout the
essay to make connections clear.

ADVANCED T he essay incorporates ef f ective transitions and an organizational structure that

enhances the analysis. T he essay includes an ef f ective introductory paragraph and a
concluding paragraph.

PROFICIENT T he essay's transitions and structure make it clear and easy to f ollow. T he essay
includes an introductory paragraph or statement, as well as a concluding paragraph
or statement.

DEVELOPING T he essay's transitions and structure may interf ere with a f ull understanding of the
writer's claim. T he essay includes an attempt at an introduction/introductory
statement and/or conclusion/concluding statement.

EMERGING T he lack of transitions and structure make the essay hard to f ollow. T he essay is
missing an introduction or conclusion of any kind.

LANG/ST YLE Advanced

Language and Style: Use specif ic, interesting language and clear sentence structure to communicate ideas.

ADVANCED T he essay has an established, f ormal style and objective tone that is maintained
throughout. T he essay uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and uses
precise language and domain-specif ic vocabulary in a way that addresses the
complexity of the topic. Few errors are present, and they do not interf ere with
meaning.

PROFICIENT T he essay has an established, f ormal style that is maintained throughout. T he essay
uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and generally uses precise language
and domain-specif ic vocabulary in way that generally addresses the complexity of the
topic. T he essay may have some errors, but they do not interf ere with meaning.

DEVELOPING T he essay attempts to establish a f ormal style that may not be maintained
throughout. T he essay attempts to vary sentence structure and uses some precise
language that may be domain-specif ic at times in a way that may address the
complexity of the topic inconsistently. T he essay contains some errors that may, at
times, interf ere with meaning.

EMERGING T he essay does not establish and/or maintain a f ormal style. T he essay uses little
variety in sentence structure, and the language is general and not domain-specif ic.
T he essay contains errors that interf ere with meaning.