Letters
citypaper May 10, 2006
I N
3 Five Points Merchants to
Form New Organization
4 Does Size Matter?
4
7 Plan To Ban Cigarettes
Goes Up In Smoke
11 Loose Lips Gossip Column
14 The Angry Whale
(Previously Known As Whipping Post)
18 State House Report
14 22 su|do|ku & Crossword
L e t t e r s
Dear Cookin With Ass,
We just wanted to remind
you that the last time you
701 Gervais Street Suite 150-218 ran you prompted this email
Columbia, SC 29201 from the publisher’s mother:
Publisher Paul F. Blake “Since I have now
803.446.3458 spent some time reading
Editor Corey Hutchins
other features, I would be
803.261.6874 remiss if I did not tell you
how disappointed I am
Senior Writer Chris McCarter with the overall tone of the
paper. It is not something
General Sales Manager
Todd Morehead
that I would be proud to
803-740-9090 be associated with. You
are going overboard with
Music Editor Sean Rayford your portrayal of a sleazy
Graphic Design Sarah Maddocks, character in the person of
Jacky Schuler
Joe Fatalatte. The disrespect
Contributors Polly Baker, Andy Brack, Max which you show for women
Cannon, Hick’ry Hawkins, Matt Jones, Deric and men is shocking. If
Kempsell, Aaron McGruder, Will Moredock, that’s your idea of humor,
Todd Morehead, Ted Rall, Dan Savage you have a long way to go.
Advertising Account Executive
The letters to the reader are
Annie Kershner obnoxious. The “Cooking
with Ass” is a disgrace. If you
Advertisers in Columbia City Paper assume responsibility for the really believe in the dignity
entire content of their advertisements. The first copy of Colum-
bia City Paper is free. Additional copies are $1 each. Views ex- of every human being, you
pressed do not necessarily represent the opinions of Columbia certainly aren’t showing it in
City Paper or its publisher. (C)2006 Columbia City Paper, LLC.
your newspaper. Everyone
must decide whether they
are going to be a force for
S I
t o
good or evil in this world.
What are you doing to uplift
the human spirit? Your
potshots at people who
would rather advertise in
the Baptist newspaper are
counterproductive and an
insult to both the advertisers
and the Baptists. No matter
how many papers you
print, advertisers who pay,
the end does not justify
the means. As publisher,
you have the opportunity
to change the tone of your
paper. As it stands now, you
are appealing to the least
common denominator. You,
as always, are in my thoughts
and prayers.”
Love, Mother
Columbia City Paper
Dear residents of Five
Points,
Now that school is out and
Five Points turns into an
open-air public drunk-tank
for vagrants and hoodlums,
try to keep yourselves out of
D E
t h e Reade r
the victim’s list in our crime
blotter. Walk in groups and
don’t accept rides from
sketchy locals. (Even if they
did run for Mayor.)
Columbia City Paper
Dear black turtleneck
wearing artsy folks with
purple eyeglasses,
Our poems always get a
tremendous response so
here’s another one:
A Poem About Drilling SC’s
Coast
It’s not our fault our state’s a
South Park joke
And Jon Stewart thinks
we’re all local yolks
I know you’re thinking—
great— another poem…
About the confederate flag,
(sigh), “Yankee, go home!”
But this time it’s not about
that or ‘Ol Strom
Or Andre Bauer’s speeding
tickets or Joe Azar’s mom
We joke around a lot about
politicians, that’s true
20
23
But this offshore drilling thing
really does affect YOU!
See, you got your SUVs,
minivans, and brand new H3
But in order to fill them they
may put a refinery out at sea
Off the coast of that beach
where you learned to surf
and play
How about a clamoring oil
rig like a few miles away?
Some think that’s fine and
this just is just what we need
To bring our staggering state
up to modern-day speed
So call your representative
and see what they have to
say
Hopefully it will be more than
“no comment, have a nice
day.”
Call The State and ask them
why they don’t make it front
page
Before we’re another punch
line on Comedy Central’s
main stage.
-CH
Columbia City Paper
News
Iraq
Five Points Merchants To Form
New Organization
By Paul Blake
A group consisting of 18 Five
Points merchants met Thursday in the
back meeting room of Claussen’s Inn.
Most were daytime merchants who
feel the Five Points Association (FPA)
has abandoned them. Members insist
they are not looking to compete with
the association, only “heading in a new
direction.”
Members of the organization
expressed a feeling that the current
Five Points Association has failed
in being inclusive. Officers and
board members of the FPA are well
represented with hospitality and
include the following bar and restaurant
owners, Dennis Hiltner, Jeff Whitt,
Scott Linaberry, Dave Shaw, and Kelly
Glenn. None of the owners are being
criticized for being involved in their own
business community, but the daytime
merchants say those owners have a
different business and agenda than
retail establishments.
Hospitality based businesses
benefit big from two of the
association’s flagship events, St. Pat’s
in Five Points and the Five Points After
Five concert series.
Five Points After Five, held on
Thursday evenings, brings nighttime
customers but daytime merchants
complain it brings little to their
businesses other than “vomit on
sidewalks” to clean up the next day.
“I think our agenda is going to
be different than theirs,” said one
merchant at the meeting.
Members of both the Five Points
Association and the new, currently
nameless organization, downplay the
potential conflict of interests in the
creation of a second Five Points group.
“Any extra effort on this area is a
good thing. All that I ask is that they
keep me included— and they are,”
said Five Points Association Executive
Director Merritt Brewer, who also said
that it is “not a mutiny.”
Brewer is new to the association
and was previously an employee of
Delaney’s, a bar and restaurant owned
by the Five Points Association’s vice
president.
Both groups agree Brewer is
working hard to overcome bitterness
between the two.
“If I help them and show them that
I am on their side and I am willing to
do anything whether they are members
citypaper May 10, 2006 
and some started to vent about the time, Debbie Parker, spoke out saying
secrecy of the association.
“One particular item: a business
the association had nothing to do with
him.
was given a large amount of money
to improve a certain parking lot and
“So even though in every meeting
the association is telling me to go do it,
I did not see where that parking lot they knew in there hearts they already
received ten thousand [dollars] worth of structured [it] so it was going to be
improvements. So I’d like to see where done anyway,” Dennis said.
or not, that will help us have a better the money is coming from, where The issues of the parking meters
relationship in the future,” Brewer said. the grants are, what grants are being and daytime businesses suffering
received, how much money is being from nighttime customers are issues
Claims of Secrecy, Deception paid,” said one merchant. that brought these business owners
and False Representation As a new business in Five Points, together but Dennis is trying to keep
The Five Points Association has Columbia City Paper, LLC., has their message positive.
received criticism from both local requested the following records under “They [the FPA] do some good
merchants and consumers in recent the S.C. open records law Code Ann. things, but… we will be moving in a
months because of their support of sec. 30-4-10 to 30-4-165: different direction,” he said.
parking meters and the perception that 1. List of all grants and city Some of the new group’s ideas
construction has taken longer in front money received in years 2000-2006 include how to make Five Points
of certain establishments. 2. Salaries for staff, profit & loss safer, working with community groups
Unfortunately for Brewer, the statements, financial statements and outside Five Points and having events
zeitgeist is fresh in the mind’s of some budgets for 2003-2006 for children, seniors and families.
Five Points merchants and many Those who are speaking to
complaints go straight to the top— to “There’s no secrecy, we aren’t the matter have the same friendly
Five Points Association President hiding anything,” Brewer said as sentiments.
Dennis Hiltner. she photocopied the bylaws for this “Anything we do they will be invited
“Twenty-six merchants signed reporter. to participate,” members of the new
a petition and Dennis [Hiltner] went “One thing that is very important organization said, and Brewer said she
behind their back, worked a deal that they [the new organization] have hopes they use her as a resource.
and had the meters put in,” said Five to understand is that the profit from Brewer also hinted at a possible
Point’s business owner Mark Gillespie. St. Patrick’s Day funds, clean and safe shakeup of the FPA.
“You put up meters, people go to completely, go to charity and operate “We have a board retreat on the
Woodhill Mall. You drive everybody the association.” 23rd and things may be different after
away. You can thank Dennis for that, that board retreat. Officers are made;
against the majority of the merchants The Uprising officers can be unmade. There is an
down here,” he said. Randy Dennis, owner of Two G’s in opportunity for change and that’s one
Attempts to contact Hiltner to Five Points, said he had the well wishes of the things I’ve encouraged them to
dismiss the claims were met with “no of the FPA to present a petition to City keep their eyes open for.”
comment.” Council against meters but at that
Hiltner did say that any Five Points meeting the executive director at the letters@columbiacitypaper.com
businesses are
welcome to call him.
Executive
Director Merritt
Brewer said the
association has 12
board members and
“Dennis is only one
vote.”
Also in Hiltner’s
favor is a parking
study by the
HNTB Corporation
that Executive
Director Fred Delk
of the Columbia
Development
Corporation
promised to provide
to this newspaper.
Later in the
organizational
meeting at the
Claussen’s Inn, one
business owner
claimed the FPA
refused to provide
them with the bylaws, Merchants meet in the back room of Claussen’s Inn and discuss creation of a new group.
 News citypaper May 10, 2006
Does Size Matter?
Many who board a plane see no
reason to fly sober, so a drink cart
filled with those adorable minibottles
is welcome relief from a fear of flying.
But for 30 years, South Carolina has
been the only dry spot of land to serve
minibottles. Now, after no less than a
change to the state’s constitution, the
minibottle is fading into a relic of the
state’s past, like Shagging to Beach
Music. But in a state where fireworks
are legal and tattoos weren’t (until
recently), subbing large bottles for
small bottles is getting mixed reviews
as free pour liquor takes over the
Palmetto State.
At the Rhino Room, a popular tavern
and grill in The Vista, bartenders Andy
Haddock and Seth Ricks say the switch
from minibottles to free pour was a good
thing, especially for them.
“It’s a lot easier, you don’t have to
crack a minibottle every time,” Haddock
said about serving free pour. “We’ve
lowered the prices, it’s cheaper for us,
the inventory is different. And it looks
better.”
Because of space issues in their
liquor cabinets— before the switch to
large bottles— the Rhino Room had to
keep their top shelf liquor on the bottom
shelf. After Jan. 1, a bottle of Grey Goose
now stands in its proper place, its blue-
capped cork rising above the rest.
Columbia has cultivated a cool
ambience in part through an intoxicating
mix of local watering holes, ranging
from pubs and taverns to high-end
restaurants, dance clubs and hipster
hole-in-the-walls catering to party-
seekers of every stripe.
But what has traditionally caused
many business visitors and tourists to
raise a puzzled eyebrow is how drinks
are served – from South Carolina’s
trademark airplane-style minibottles.
Soon minibottles will be available
only when flying the friendly skies and
those quaint, diminutive bottles will be
heaped into the historical trash bin.
But they’re gradually fading away from
downtown’s mixed drink scene with
mixed results.
To many in the restaurant/bar
industry, Jan. 1 was emancipation day,
after South Carolina’s General Assembly
proclaimed bars and restaurants could
pour freely, doing away with the state’s
By Chris McCarter and Corey Hutchins
“peculiar institution” of serving solely
from minibottles.
“At midnight, we started legal shots
from bottles and we all thought ‘we’ve
gotten a state lottery and tattoo parlors
– now we’re getting the privileges
everywhere else gets,’” says James
Ledbetter, a bartender at Blue Ridge
Brewing Co. in Greenville. “It was as if
we finally had the freedoms every other
state had. It was 12 o’clock, and people
joked we might as well secede again.”
In Columbia, most downtown liquor-
serving establishments are getting over
the minibottle by selling off remaining
supplies. But problems with tracking
inventory and a trickier tax structure
have made for a troubled transition.
Owners, managers and bartenders,
whether exclusive clubs with dress codes
or come-as-you-are dive bars – along
with the ultra-hip urban metrosexuals
and the swarms of barflies they attract
– are serving up mixed reviews on the
change.
The change meant struggles to figure
out how to deal with things minibottles
made easy: measuring the alcohol for
each drink, pricing, tracking inventory
and the alcohol tax.
Minibottles could be easily counted,
and it was a cinch to know how many
drinks were sold and how much were
left. Minibottles made it easier because
bartenders used one bottle per drink.
“[Now] probably 70 to 80 percent
of the bars don’t do inventory. The only
bars you’re going to find that do that are
corporate,” Ricks said.
Spirits High Overall
To most on the serving side of
the bar, the new law has gone down
smoothly. Proprietors and servers with
whom we spoke said patron grumbling
has been minimal.
“People are just going to have to
get used to it. I’ve heard people gripe,”
Ricks said, but also noted that as time
has gone by it’s become less and less
of a problem.
Some bartenders cited minibottles
as the reason why some mixed drinks
had cost $8 or more. But while some
greeted the end of the little bottles
with fanfare, for the common man, the
change leaves a bitter taste.
“It’s a rip-off,” says one recognizable
downtown bar fixture. “You’re paying
the same price but you’re not getting
the same bang for the buck with the
big bottles. It’s low-octane at the same
premium price.”
While each minibottle had at least
1.7 ounces of liquor, some large free
pour bottles have a regulator spout that
limits the pour to 1.5 ounces, and in
some cases 1.25 ounces.
So two mini-bottles equal nearly
three standard drinks.
There’s been some noticeable drop
in drink prices since the big bottles have
arrived.
At the same time, prices may not
change simply because customers are
used to paying them.
On one hand, the inventory
complication adds to costs and labor,
and companies are scrambling to
develop systems that will measure for
bartenders.
Under the new system, some
restaurants and bars are actually
weighing bottles to establish the liquor
in stock. Some are investing in pricey
machine systems that pour liquor shots
similar to button-operated soda guns.
At Addy’s in Greenville, bottles
have spouts that use an internal ring
apparatus that can be adjusted from
1.2. to 1.7 ounces per pour, but is set at
1.5 with a tamper-proof covering. Each
shot registers a number at the top of
the spout, enabling inventory tracking
and easing tax calculations, says co-
proprietor Nina Biasiotti. And because
the system is completely mechanical,
not electric, it’s immune to power surges
and electrical outages downtown.
Most downtown bars are waiting to
exhaust their minibottle stocks before
fully transitioning, but some sold their
minibottles back to the distributor at a
half what it paid, says bartender Trey
Alexander.
One bar’s management is
considering investing in system in which
a “dip stick” can be placed in a bottle
to record the remaining supply in each
bottle by computer, Alexander says.
With minibottles, inventory was as
simple as one shot, one bottle – and the
bartender couldn’t over-pour or hand
out free drinks, unless they want to
pay for them out of their own pockets.
Everything was accounted for.
Still, while keeping inventory may
be more labor-intensive, dealing with
large bottles rather than twisting open
multiple minis is a major time-saver.
And for bartenders, some develop
calluses along the thumb and forefinger
from long, harried nights of twisting off
metal caps. Some wear gloves.
“I had the shit cut out of my hands
all the time,” Haddock said. One female
bartender said she went to a back-
pocket bottle opener after her hands
turned bloody.
Tax Structure May Affect Prices
Bars and restaurants now pay
taxes to the state directly, rather than
to their minibottle supplier. At the Rhino
Room for example, owner Sean Conzo
calculates the liquor his restaurant has
sold and reports inventory sold at the
end of the month to the state, instead of
paying the tax at the point of purchase
News
to a minibottle supplier.
“We used to pay up front, now we
pay out the back,” he said.
That’s a bit more cumbersome than
the minibottle tax collection system,
which was as smooth as 18-year-old
Macallan Scotch.
With minibottles, a single state
revenue agent collected a 25-cent-
per-bottle tax from the state’s four
wholesalers each month. One hundred
percent tax compliance was virtually
guaranteed, and bar owners never had
to deal with it.
The minibottles collection system
reaped the state about $20 million a
year, which funded alcohol and drug
abuse programs.
A University of South Carolina
economic impact study concluded
that an added 5 percent sales tax on
bar tabs would be revenue-neutral, but
some lawmakers are dubious.
Many legislators still oppose
minibottle repeal. With free-pour, the
state could easily get snookered out of
the tax revenue for the alcohol and drug
abuse programs, they say.
The state gets no tax money, of
course, from an on-the-house round,
and collects no taxes from one drink
during two-for-one specials, causing
revenues to sink.
Big Bottles May Mean Small
Revenue Drain
Under the minibottle system, bars
and restaurants paid a 25-cent-per-
minibottle tax instead of a 5 percent
liquor tax, plus a 5 percent sales tax and
2 percent hospitality tax per minibottle
to the liquor distributor.
Under free pour, bars and restaurants
pay the state a 5 percent liquor tax,
5 percent sales tax and 2 percent
hospitality tax per drink – totaling 12
percent – based on the total inventory
sold.
For example, a Long Island Iced
Tea, with its five liquors and mixers isn’t
taxed per minibottle, but on the total
cost of the drink.
The result is that the drink which
may have cost a customer $14.50 with
full minibottles and tax, now costs as
little as $7.50 with free pour.
The little bottles make for an
expensive cocktail when more than one
liquor is required. Each shot is a bottle so
a two-liquor drink, like a White Russian,
can run $7 to $9. The same drink free-
poured is about half that.
So under free pour, bar/restaurants
can more easily run specials on mixed
libations like Long Island Iced Teas, for
example.
citypaper May 10, 2006 
Conversely, a $10 Scotch with a 5
percent sales tax costs a restaurant 50
cents, as opposed to a 25 cent-per-
minibottle tax, a cost which he says the
restaurant eats, said one restaurateur.
Minibottle supporters – a dwindling
group led by the state’s 58 liquor
distributors licensed to sell the little
bottles – sound resigned to defeat.
“The change momentum is in the
air,” said Lock Reddic, president of
Green’s Beverage Stores, which has
three distributorships in Columbia.
“We’re fighting an uphill battle.”
Free pour proponents now say the
smaller shots will make you safer by
reducing drunken driving deaths.
The Incredible Shrinking Shot
As laws against driving under the
influence have tightened, the standard
shot size nationwide has shrunk to 1.25
ounces. With minibottles, South Carolina
bartenders poured the nation’s stiffest
drinks— by nearly half an ounce.
That prompted the South Carolina
Baptist Convention to join a minibottle
repeal coalition that included the tourism
industry, Mothers Against Drunk Drivers,
a bipartisan majority in the General
Assembly and many bar and restaurant
owners.
The alliance worked. After years of
failed attempts to repeal the minibottle
law, the General Assembly passed a bill
to put a referendum on the 2004 general
ballot to make minibottles optional.
Prior to the referendum, liquor
wholesalers, some restaurateurs and
others ran a full-page in The State
newspaper citing a study claiming
the state would lose nearly $6 million
annually if it got rid of minibottles.
The “Coalition for the Responsible
Consumption of Alcohol” said it ran
the ad to draw attention to the steady
stream of revenue brought in by taxing
minibottles 25 cents per bottle.
Coalition member Bill Tovell of
Columbia said the group’s motive isn’t
because minibottles are more profitable;
margins on big bottle are about the
same, he claimed.
But Tovell said changing the way the
tax is collected – at the point of purchase
(a bar) –erodes the state’s ability to
collect the tax effectively. Further, by
adding a sales tax to make up for the
lost revenue, the price of drinks may
rise, he said.
Tovell, president of the state’s
largest liquor wholesaler, Ben Arnold-
Sunbelt Beverage Co. in Ridgeway, said
when Florida changed liquor drink tax
collections to the point of purchase a
 News citypaper May 10, 2006
few years ago, the state lost millions in
revenue – something South Carolina can’t
afford in a budget crunch.
But state economist Bill Gillespie said
a plan to boost sales taxes by five percent
on drinks to make up for minibottle revenue
losses would essentially start out revenue
neutral – it wouldn’t cost the state $6
million a year, according to an analysis by
his office.
“I’m not worried about losing any
revenue,” Gillespie said. “But over time with
inflation, the state would start generating
more revenue because sales taxes are
based on percentages, while the current
minibottle tax was a fee not indexed for
inflation.”
But though there appears to be
additional administrative and accounting
costs to handle the new tax structure, the
overall tax per ounce of booze is cheaper.
It remains to be seen whether the lesser tax
burden for a multi-mixed shot or drink using
free-pour compared to a per-bottle tax for
minibottles is a savings that will be passed
along to patrons.
But while it may be pennies per pour,
the economies of scale from that 0.2 ounces
soaked from hundreds of spirit indulgers
may be a boon for downtown bars.
Some bars anticipate lowering
prices for drink specials, and others even
suspect the small-to-big transition may
trigger a liquor price war, especially for
shots and mixed drinks with many kinds
of high-priced liquors, like Grand Marnier,
Southern Comfort, Amaretto, Crown
Royal, Goldschlager, Jaegermeister and
Schnapps.
Many mixologists admit they’ll add in
a splash for friendly, well-behaved, lucid
patrons with free pour.
Besides it gives plenty more possibilities
for creativity and a bartender’s personal
touch in mixing drinks, bartenders say.
The art and artifice in bartending is lost
in crafting a Long Island Iced Tea when it’s
served in the pre-mixed single minibottles
some bars serve.
At the Corner Pocket in Greenville,
a shot invention called “Grandma Fucks
Peaches” – Grand Marnier with Peach
Schnapps, sour soda and cranberry juice
– is a house favorite that’s now easier
and quicker to prepare when the thirsty
converge upon and surround the bar, says
one bartender.
To boot, an Irish Car Bomb (a shot
of Bailey’s Irish Cream and Jameson’s
Whiskey plunged into a Guinness Stout),
Mind Eraser, bartender Nick Johnson’s
special “Pink Panty Pull Down” (Smirnoff
Strawberry kamikaze with a splash of
cranberry) or “Skid Mark” (Jager and
Kahlua) may be a better deal for both sides
of the bar at most establishments. Likewise,
Sex on the Beach, Sex with the Bartender,
Liquid Cocaine or a Crack Ho all may go
on special.
And the big bottle change may make it
more reasonable (for the wallet) to take the
Blood of Christ (Jose Cuervo, Chambord,
Grenadine, cranberry and sour soda); or,
for the truly heretical, the Four Horsemen
(Crown Royal, Jose Cuervo, vodka and
gin). And if you’d prefer to empty your guts
instead of your wallet, shoot a German
Burrito (Jager and Tequila).
From Brown Bags to Baby Bottles
South Carolina started down the
bottle-strewn road in 1973, when the state
legalized liquor-by-the-drink and mandated
minibottles so customers could track their
alcohol intake – the theory being people
would drink less if they could see the bottle
in front of them.
The minibottle law made sense to a lot
of people at first. The smaller-is-better idea
placated religious conservatives reluctant to
support any liquor-by-the-drink legislation.
Liquor supporters then pushed to enact
the law as a constitutional amendment,
making it harder for prohibitionists to return
the state to its bring-your-own-bottle,
“brown bagging” past.
Get New York Style
One issue yet to be addressed by
bars – or by the city involving itself as a
community service – is that not a single bar
or restaurant, whether using regular-sized
or minibottles, recycle the glass. The sound
Pizza Delivered!
of shattering minibottles smashing into
large trash cans is part of the ambience of
many downtown bars. Their destination: A
growing landfill.
Proprietors say because of space
limitations and lack of recycling pickup,
recycling is inconvenient and unfeasible.
Minibottles’ little metal caps also
complicate recycling.
“Maybe this change to larger [glass]
bottles will open the doors to that, since
lots of minibottles are plastic,” says Siler.
“Hopefully soon we’ll have recycling, and
maybe since we’ll have fewer, larger bottles
it won’t be as much of a problem.”
But if all this mini- vs. big-bottle
commotion is a buzz killer, just stick to
beer.
letters@columbiacitypaper.com
News
SC House to Barflies: Smoke ‘em If You Got ‘em
Plan to ban cigarettes in bars and
restaurants goes up in smoke – by a
wisp
The South Carolina House stamped
a bill to ban some public smoking – by
a wisp – in a historic vote in one of the
nation’s most smoker-friendly states.
Just three votes would have left
a South Carolina tradition in ashes –
smoking in bars.
Meanwhile, two bills that would have
raised the state’s paltry 7-cents-a-pack
cigarette tax, the lowest in the nation,
made it out of another subcommittee
last month.
Though the smoking ban died on
the floor and the two tax bills – each
of which would have raised the tax by
more than 30 cents a pack – each died
in the full committee, it was the farthest
that anti-smoking legislation has ever
made it in South Carolina.
Business, hospitality industry and
tobacco industry lobbyists prevailed
over health activists in the 56-to-52 vote
on the smoking ban, which garnered
support from both sides of the aisle.
But with 17 members not voting, the
bill to ban smoking in all restaurants, bars
and recreational facilities, sponsored
by Rep. Todd Rutherford, D-Richland,
essentially is dead in the water this year,
having been sent back to committee.
But simply having made it out of the
House Judiciary Committee was hailed
as victory.
“It’s basically dead, but if my friends
were present, this would have passed,”
Rutherford told The State newspaper.
“It’s a great day when we can get a
bill banning smoking this far in South
Carolina.”
An initial attempt to kill the bill by
Rep. Dan Cooper, R-Anderson, to send it
back to committee, lost by a single vote.
About an hour later four more members
announced cessation from the smoking
bill for the final 56-52 tally.
Rep. Rex Rice, R-Easley, said
whether the bill passed or not, it was
“an interesting vote.”
Rice, who voted for the ban and
sponsored one of the two cigarette tax
bills, vows to try again.
“The tobacco lobby here is real
strong and they’ve done a pretty good
job of lobbying the leadership not to
support any change,” Rice told us last
week. “I believe some members were
By Chris McCarter, Senior Writer
pressured by the tobacco companies.”
Rice said his tax bill was the first
time a standalone bill increasing the
cigarette tax had passed the first hurdle
in the state’s legislative process. Similar
legislation has previously failed on the
Senate floor and in the full Ways and
Means Committee.
Rice was successful in getting a cig
tax bill through the Ways and Means
subcommittee last month that would
have raised the state’s 7-cents-a-pack
cigarette tax by 30 cents the first year
to 42 cents over three years. The tax
increase bills passed from a Ways and
Means subcommittee April 6. Both
would have used cig tax revenues to
help pay for health programs, tax cuts
and small business medical insurance,
but died in the full House Ways and
Means Committee late last month.
The anti-smoking bill lit up some of
the liveliest debate of the session, with
dozens of members signing up to speak
on both sides. Health advocates now
say a smoking eventually will pass in
South Carolina.
“We remain optimistic, but there
are roadblocks ahead,” said Renee’
Martin, Executive Director of the South
Carolina Tobacco Collaborative, adding
the tax increase would help stomp out
youth smoking. “The road to getting the
bill passed is long. But we’re hopeful
that state leaders will take a bold role
protecting citizens and workers of South
Carolina. This is a really historical victory
from our standpoint.”
It was not, however, a cigar-lighting
victory for those on the other side of the
debate.
“This wasn’t a smoking ban,” but
a bill that would allow government to
stick its smoke-sniffing nose into small
business interests in the state, said Rep.
James Battle, D-Marion.
But Battle, a tobacco businessman
who opposed the bill, acknowledged
that “one of these days, it will pass.”
Battle cited a California study he
said showed that secondhand smoke is
not related to any health problems.
Another study from the from the
California EPA in 1997, however, shows
an estimated 3,000 lung cancer deaths
and 35,000 to 62,000 heart disease
deaths in adult nonsmokers in the
United States each year.
And ban bill opponents pointed
to American lung Association stats
showing smoke involuntarily inhaled by
nonsmokers lingers in the air hours after
cigarettes have been extinguished and
can cause or exacerbate a wide range of
adverse health effects, including cancer,
respiratory infections, and asthma.
Martin explained the anti-smoking
ban is not about “patron convenience,”
but “worker safety.”
“Patrons may be in a smoking
environment an hour or two hours, which
may be an inconvenience for them not
to smoke,” she said. “But workers are
in these environments for eight-hour
shifts, putting their health at risk. So this
is to protect the workers.”
It’s also has a severe economic
impact on the state, in the form of health
costs and more, she said.
“This is not a rights issue, but a
public health issue,” Martin said. “We’re
not expecting or asking all people to stop
smoking, just not expose non-smokers
to their smoke. It’s not a courtesy, but
a health issue as well. Smoking is not a
right. It’s not your right to expose others
to a dangerous environment.”
Even if a ban eventually were to
pass, “it remains to be seen if there
can be enforcement of clean indoor air
rules,” Martin said.
“This is a very self-policing type of
legislation,” Martin said. “It hasn’t been
that long ago that you could smoke
in theatres, or airplanes. And people
didn’t stop flying or going to movies.
A cigarette tax increase will first and
foremost prevent thousands of young
people from smoking, and current
smokers to kick the habit.”
Secondhand smoke has been
classified by the EPA as a known cause
of cancer in humans. Other research
shows that nonsmokers exposed to
environmental smoke were 25 percent
more likely to have coronary heart
diseases compared to nonsmokers not
exposed to smoke, according to a study
published in the New England Journal of
Medicine in 1999.
Nonsmokers exposed to
secondhand smoke at work are at
increased risk for adverse health
effects. Levels of secondhand smoke
exposure in restaurants and bars were
found to be two to five times higher than
in residences with smokers and two to six
times higher than in office workplaces,
according to U.S. Department of Health
and Human Services’ 2002 Report on
Carcinogens.
South Carolina has traditionally
citypaper May 10, 2006 
been one of the most smoker-friendly
states, with by far the nation’s lowest tax
on cigarettes and still a major tobacco
grower. The Greenville-Spartanburg
Airport until recently was one of the
nation’s last commercial airports to
allow smoking.
“Being smoker-friendly was the only
good thing about South Carolina,” said
one cynical smoker, surrounded by a
billowing cloud of smoke in her regular
Columbia bar.
Rutherford’s bill, which passed out
of the House Judiciary Committee April
4, would ban all smoking wherever food
or alcohol is sold. The committee agreed
to allow smoking exceptions for cigar
bars and private clubs with established
guest lists – such as the VFW and
American Legion.
Rice, on Ways and Means, was able
to get a bill earlier in the week out of the
House tax-writing subcommittee, but
it was snuffed out in the full tax-writing
committee by a 13-to-8 vote in late
April. Rice’s proposal would have raised
the state’s cigarette tax to help pay for
health programs, tax cuts and small
business medical insurance.
Rice’s bill would have raised the tax
by 30 cents, creating a trust fund that
lawmakers would decide how to spend.
It also would come with a corresponding
reduction in state income taxes. It would
hike the tax 42 cents a pack within two
years to cover the state’s rising health-
care costs, and included a provision
to lower the income tax to keep the
legislation “revenue neutral.” Rice tried
to sweeten the bill by attaching an
amendment that would decrease the
state income tax by one quarter of one
percent.
“That’s one way to get members
to support something that might raise
prices,” Rice said. “If they can’t be
convinced to prevent smoking, they can
support a tax reduction. We’ve spent
way too much this year, and we’re not
spending it in the right spots.”
In the first year, the bill would have
generated nearly $106 million for a new
health and prevention fund. Rice said
smokers have long been a burden on
taxpayers.
A second cigarette tax bill sponsored
by Rep. Paul Agnew, D-Abbeville, and
54 other lawmakers, would hike the tax
on a pack of smokes by 32 cents, and
help pay health-care costs with money
earmarked for expanding Medicaid
 News citypaper May 10, 2006
programs for low-income children, and
set up a similar program for employees
of small businesses – those with 75 or
fewer employees.
Cigs to CHIPs
Rice’s bill would have taken money
reaped from cigarette taxes and filtered
part of the 32 cents into the CHIP
program – the federal-state Children’s
Health Insurance Program (CHIP)
created under Title XXI of the Social
Security Act, expands health coverage
to uninsured. It supplements children’s
health insurance for families with income
under 200 percent of the federal poverty
level.
Another health insurance subsidy
program funded by the tax would help
employees of small businesses who
earn incomes less than 200 percent
of poverty pay their health insurance
costs. The trouble is, if the cigarette
tax bill does what it’s expected – and
intended – to do, fewer people would
smoke and the anticipated tax revenue
would go down, Rice explained. Four
percent of the money would go to youth
smoking prevention programs and one
percent to the Department of Agriculture
for healthy living and eating promotion
and youth smoking prevention.
Meanwhile, the new health insurance
subsidy benefits would remain, and the
state would be left with less money for a
law that would become an entitlement,
Rice said.
“The problem is that the money goes
down with youth prevention programs
and promotion of healthy lifestyles,”
Rice said.
If all South Carolinians kicked the
habit, the state would be left with its
own unfunded mandate.
The other proposed cig tax bill
would begin with a 30-cent increase the
first year, followed by two 5-cent-per-
year increases for two years, capping at
42 cents over three years.
Smoking in the bathroom
Battle had argued that smokers
were being unfairly singled out. A 10-
year House veteran, Battle said he was
shocked by the progress anti-smoking
legislation is making this year. Smoking
“really is under assault,” Battle said.
“Why do we have to have this tax
on the smokers? You’re taking it from
this small group – this is like profiling,”
Battle said.
While the tax increase push
ultimately failed last week, a bill to ban
smoking in restaurants and bars may
reach the House floor next year.
As for his colleague Battle, Rice
said, “Jim is very sincere.”
Battle comes from a tobacco growing
family and is a merchant involved in the
tobacco business. “He’s not influenced
by lobbyists, he’s just on a different side
of the issue,” Rice said
Busted for smoking
The full Judiciary Committee
also nixed a Judiciary subcommittee
provision in the bill that would impose
criminal penalties for those violating the
smoking ban. The original bill would have
made smoking in restaurants, bars and
recreational facilities a misdemeanor for
violators, punishable by a $50 fine.
However, when the bill was marked
up in the full Judiciary Committee,
lawmakers removed the criminal
penalties from the proposed legislation
when it came out of a subcommittee
– and not in a smoke-filled backroom.
Rutherford also agreed to amend the
bill to drop criminal penalties against
establishment owners and operators.
He and other bill supporters said the
measure addresses a pressing public
health issue.
Rutherford said the bill was about
clean air and protecting the public, but
some on the committee said it would put
the state on a course to ban smoking
in other places. Committee members
who opposed the bill said it crosses into
personal freedoms that the marketplace
would solve.
In Greenville, the American Beverage
Licensees’ South Carolina Chapter has
been distributing a neon yellow flyer
alerting bar patrons that “restaurants
and bars could end up suffering huge
revenue losses if a government-
mandated smoking ban is passed,” and
that many bar and wait staff could lose
their jobs.
“If you oppose this legislation,
and the very concept of unnecessary
government regulation, please stand
united with our industry by telling your
elected officials that you oppose any
smoking ban legislation that does not
exempt bars and restaurants,” reads
News
the flyer, which includes numbers and
emails for Speaker Bobby Harrell and
the Greenville’s legislative delegation.
“Let them know that these types of
decisions are best left up to the owner
of an establishment.”
Also being distributed by
tobacconists in South Carolina, by the
Retail Tobacco Dealers of America,
extols smokers to contact their
legislative representatives, and quotes
Benjamin Franklin: “We must indeed all
hang together or most assuredly we will
hang separately.”
Cigarette company officials said
lawmakers are moving too fast and not
acknowledging the perks of the low
cigarette taxes.
“Before we do anything hasty, let’s
see what positive economic benefits
there might be,” said John Singleton,
spokesman for R.J. Reynolds Tobacco.
“I think you’ll see South Carolina sell a
lot more cigarettes.”
South Carolina’s 7-cents-a-pack tax
is the lowest in the nation. The national
average is 92 cents a pack, and the
nationwide average price for a pack of
smokes is about $4.12, meaning if you
have a pack a day habit, you could
spend nearly $50 or more a month.
A smoking ban in public places
remains a contentious issue in South
Carolina, highlighted by competing
arguments that smoking is a public
health nuisance but also is a matter of
personal choice that should have limited
government regulation.
House lawmakers were expected
to take up the smoking ban bill when
they returned April 18 from a weeklong
spring break. But House put off debate
on the proposed ban. Speaker Harrell,
R-Charleston, was inundated with
requests to move the bill to the contested
calendar for broader debate later in the
session.
Rep. Robert Leach, R-Greenville,
said “I don’t smoke because I’m a
Christian.”
Still, he opposed the bill, because
he said the government had no right to
interfere in such individual decisions as
smoking.
“This is a big step today, and I want
you to think about this before you vote,”
he said on the floor.
Societal Costs of Smoking
The cost of smoking affects far
more than puffers paying for a pack.
Smoking-related illnesses raise health
insurance rates for all.
“The use of tobacco products is
driving up the cost of health care for all
of us,” said Rice, a longtime supporter
of cigarette tax increases.
The estimated health-care costs
of $1 billion often are borne by the
state, which pays Medicaid costs.
There are more than 5,900 tobacco-
related deaths in South Carolina each
year the state spends more than $854
million per year treating tobacco-related
health problems, according to the S.C.
Tobacco Collaborative. Tobacco smoke
increases the risk of Sudden Infant
Death Syndrome (SIDS). Smoking kills
more people than alcohol, AIDS, car
crashes, illegal drugs, murders, and
suicides combined.
On March 15, Blue Cross Blue
Shield of South Carolina started a
program that could shift more of the
cost of healthcare onto employees who
smoke, said spokeswoman Elizabeth
Hammond.
Late last year, docs began a
campaign to stamp out smoking when
the Greenville County Medical Society
launched a collaborative anti-smoking
initiative with the Greenville Family
Partnership, which, among other efforts,
is urging and educating local doctors on
how to get patients to stop smoking,
said Terry Taylor, the group’s Tobacco
Education Coordinator.
Taylor said in each state where
cigarette taxes have been raised, youth
smoking has decreased.
But in Columbia, lawmakers’ refusal
to support a cigarette tax hike leaves
the state with the dubious distinction
of having the lowest cigarette tax in the
nation. Forty-two states have raised
their tobacco taxes in recent years.
Every single state that has significantly
increased its cigarette tax has enjoyed
substantial increases in revenue despite
the decline in smoking.
“The value of tobacco tax has
been proven nationally,” Taylor said.
“Higher taxes statistically always keeps
new smokers from starting the habit.
Some people we see in cessation have
been smoking for years and have been
desperately trying to quit for years. They
often mention peer pressure, and say
‘I wish I’d never started.’ So it’s crucial
that we lower teenage smoking.”
One third of young people who just
“experiment” with smoking become
addicted by age 20, according to the
group, and 90 percent of smokers begin
before the age of 19. One in three (36
percent) of South Carolina high school
students smoke, Taylor says.
Part of Taylor’s job is to educate
businesses and young people that those
who use tobacco products cause higher
health care costs to companies and to
run smoking cessation programs.
“We’re not trying to polarize smokers
against non-smokers, but for those who
want to quit, we emphasize the impact
on the bottom line,” said Taylor.
Smoking also hurts productivity,
Taylor says. Those taking frequent smoke
breaks “adversely affect company
morale with their smoking rituals,”
the group says. Smokers are absent
from work 50 percent more often than
nonsmokers and the annual health care
costs for a smoker is $300 more than
for a nonsmoker, according to Action on
Smoking and Health.
Since 1999, 70 percent of the U.S.
workforce worked under a smoke-
free policy, ranging from 84 percent
in Utah to 49 percent in Nevada.
Workplace productivity was increased
and absenteeism was decreased
among former smokers compared with
current smokers, according to a 2001
study Journal of Occupational and
Environmental Medicine.
Smoke-free Eats
Already, many businesses are either
starting smoking cessation programs
for employees or banning smoking
in the workplace without a law on the
books. Currently, Taylor is working
with the Spinx Co., which is helping its
employees kick the habit with cessation
programs.
“We’ve seen a recent trend of more
and more smoke-free dining,” Taylor
said.
Stax restaurants have banned
indoor smoking, as did Capri’s some
years back, and Devereux’s downtown,
and Trio’s Brick Oven have banned
smoking.
Soby’s is banning indoor smoking
after its renovation revealed the ravages
of smoke on its interior.
“You wouldn’t believe how dirty
things can get,” Taylor said. “The residue
from tobacco smoke stays in the carpet
and the environment.”
Recently, the Sophisticated Palate –
after wife and co-owner Barbara Greppe
was diagnosed with lung cancer – went
smoke-free.
Secondhand smoke is harmful, says
Taylor. For example, a child exposed
to smoke from a parent’s cigarette is
more likely to have sore throats and ear
infections.
“Some people say, they don’t smoke
around their kids,” Taylor said. “But if
you hold a baby with smoke residue on
you, the chemicals and bi-products of
cigarettes can get on the baby.”
R.J. Reynolds Tops PAC
Contributions
In another legislative event, a
Republican lawmaker and a government
watchdog group have paired up to
curtail what they say is a “shakedown” of
citypaper May 10, 2006 
campaign cash by top S.C. lawmakers.
Rep. Dan Tripp, R-Greenville, and
the S.C. chapter of Common Cause
have teamed up on a bill, which Tripp
introduced late last month. It would ban
so-called “leadership PACs” from giving
to campaigns and prohibit independent
expenditures, such as campaign
mailings.
The bill was sent to the House
Judiciary Committee. A hearing has not
been scheduled.
“The leadership PACs clearly violate
the spirit of the Ethics Act that was
passed after Operation Lost Trust,”
Tripp said, referring to the early 1990s
FBI sting that netted lawmakers and
lobbyists in a vote-buying scheme.
According to State Ethics
Commission records, in the first three
months of 2006, the Palmetto Leadership
Council received $3,500 contributions
– the maximum allowed – from each
of 17 donors, including: R.J. Reynolds
Tobacco Co.; BMW; The Joye Law Firm
of Charleston; BMW; and the Outdoor
Advertising Association.
For the Greenville Family
Partnership’s Guide to Smoke-Free
Dining, click:
http://www.redribbonworks.org/
images/smokefree_dining_guide_WEB.
pdf
American Lung Association,
March 2006 – Secondhand smoke, also
know as environmental tobacco smoke,
is a mixture of the smoke given off by the
burning end of a cigarette, pipe or cigar
and the smoke exhaled from the lungs
of smokers. It is involuntarily inhaled by
nonsmokers, lingers in the air hours after
cigarettes have been extinguished and
can cause or exacerbate a wide range of
adverse health effects, including cancer,
respiratory infections, and asthma.1 
• Secondhand smoke has
been classified by the Environmental
Protection Agency (EPA) as a known
cause of cancer in humans (Group A
carcinogen).2 
• Secondhand smoke causes
approximately 3,000 lung cancer deaths
and 35,000-62,000 heart disease deaths
in adult nonsmokers in the United States
each year.3
• A study found that nonsmokers
exposed to environmental smoke were
25 percent more likely to have coronary
heart diseases compared to nonsmokers
not exposed to smoke.4
• Nonsmokers exposed to
10 Viewpoints citypaper May 10, 2006
secondhand smoke at work are at Sources:
increased risk for adverse health effects. 
Levels of ETS in restaurants and bars 1. California
Protection Agency.
Environmental
Health Effects
were found to be 2 to 5 times higher than
in residences with smokers and 2 to 6 of Exposure to Environmental
times higher than in office workplaces.5 Tobacco Smoke.  September 1997.
2. U.S. Environmental Protection
• Since 1999, 70 percent of Agency. Respiratory Health Effects of
the U.S. workforce worked under Passive Smoking: Lung Cancer and
a smoke-free policy, ranging from Other Disorders. December 1992.
83.9 percent in Utah to 48.7 percent 3. California Environmental
in Nevada.6  Workplace productivity Protection Agency. Health Effects
was increased and absenteeism was of Exposure to Environmental
decreased among former smokers Tobacco Smoke. September 1997.
compared with current smokers.7 4. He, J.; Vupputuri, S.; Allen, K.; et
al. Passive Smoking and the Risk of
• As of 2005, 9 smoke-free Coronary Heart Disease-A Meta-Analysis
states prohibit smoking in almost all of Epidemiologic Studies. New England
workplaces, including restaurants and Journal of Medicine 1999; 340: 920-6.
bars (CA, CT, DE, ME, MA, NY, RI, VT 5. U.S. Department of Health
and WA).8 and Human Services. Report on
Carcinogens, Tenth Edition 2002.
• Secondhand smoke is National
Toxicology Program.
especially harmful to young children. 6. Shopland, D. Smoke-Free
Secondhand smoke is responsible for Workplace Coverage. Journal of
between 150,000 and 300,000 lower Occupational and Environmental
respiratory tract infections in infants Medicine. 2001; 43(8): 680-686.
and children under 18 months of age, 7. Halpern, M.T.; Shikiar, R.; Rentz, A.M.;
resulting in between 7,500 and 15,000 Khan, Z.M. Impact of Smoking Status on
hospitalizations each year, and causes Workplace Absenteeism and Productivity.
1,900 to 2,700 sudden infant death Tobacco Control 2001; 10: 233-238.
syndrome (SIDS) deaths in the United 8. American Lung Association,
States annually.9
State of Tobacco Control: 2005.
9. California Environmental
• Secondhand smoke exposure
Protection Agency. Health Effects
may cause buildup of fluid in the
of Exposure to Environmental
middle ear, resulting in 700,000 to 1.6
Tobacco Smoke. September 1997.
million physician office visits per year.
1 0 .  I b i d .
Secondhand smoke can also aggravate
11. Schuster, MA, Franke T, Pham
symptoms in 400,000  to 1,000,000
CB. Smoking Patterns of Household
children with asthma.10  money in state capitals and in Washington.
Members and Visitors in Homes
• In the United States, 21 million, with Children in United States.  their harvest.
or 35 percent of, children live in homes Archives of Pediatric Adolescent
where residents or visitors smoke in the Medicine. Vol. 156, 2002: 1094-1100.
home on a regular basis.11  Approximately 12. U.S. Environmental Protection
50-75 percent of children in the United Agency. America’s Children and
States have detectable levels of cotinine, the Environment: Measures of
the breakdown product of nicotine in the Contaminants, Body Burdens, and
blood.12 Illnesses. Second Edition. February 2003
13. Diethelm PA, Rielle JC, McKee M.
• New research indicates that The Whole Truth and Nothing but the
secret research conducted by cigarette Truth? The Research Philip Morris Did
company Philip Morris in the 1980s Not Want You to See. Lancet. Vol. 364
showed that secondhand smoke No. 9446, 2004
was highly toxic, yet the company
suppressed the finding during the next
two decades.13
For more information on
secondhand smoke, please review the
Tobacco Morbidity and Mortality Trend
letters@columbiacitypaper.com
Report as well as our Lung Disease
Data publication in the Data and
Statistics section of our website, or call
the American Lung Association at 1-
800-LUNG-USA (1-800-586-4872).
Playing Catch Up
By Will Moredock
It’s now too late to stop the oil wells
If you’ve been paying attention, you
know that something monstrous may soon
come to the South Carolina coast. I speak in
relative terms, of course. To a child, seven to
10 years is an eternity. To a college student,
it’s “long term.” To one who has reached my
mellow age, it is just another page in the
book.
Whatever your age, if your are a resident
of the Lowcounrtry, the prospect of the oil
industry staking its claim on South Carolina’s
coastal shelf, building massive refineries
and terminals on our shores, threatening
our beaches, our tourism, our wildlife, our
seafood is a threat that must be faced now.
Now means today and the place to face
it is in Columbia and Washington. There
are forces in both cities who seek to lift the
moratorium on exploration and drilling for
oil on the continental shelf. Decisions are
being made very quickly and very quietly.
How quietly? Ask yourself: When was the
last time you heard anyone discussing
this monumental disposition of our natural
resources and our way of life? At least the
Alaska National Wildlife Refuge has been in
the news for the last few years. The people
of Alaska – and the American public – have
had the information to debate the issue and
put it on the national agenda.
But what about the South Atlantic
Continental Shelf? For years the oil and gas
industry has been investing and speculating
on the coast from Maryland to Florida. They
have been planting seeds and spending
Now they may be on the verge of reaping
In Washington, the House has passed
one bill that would allow coastal states
to opt out of the federal ban on coastal
exploration and drilling and another bill that
would relax environmental standards on the
petrochemical industry and give the president
power to unilaterally designate federal land
for the building of new oil refineries. The
Francis Marion National Forest looks like
exactly what the writers of that legislation
had in mind.
In Columbia, two Upstate Republicans
have introduced bills that would allow South
Carolina to waive the federal moratorium on
oil and gas exploration and would explore
the building of a petroleum refinery on the
coast.
Supporting these efforts have been two
coastal congressmen, Henry Brown of the
first district and Joe Wilson of the second
district.
If you are surprised to learn that the oil
and gas industry may be coming here, it is
not because you have been napping. No
one should be surprised that Henry Brown
and Joe Wilson have kept a low profile on
this issue. Neither of them has been seen
talking to local Chambers of Commerce or
Rotary luncheons about their plans to open
the coast to oil drilling.
But why have the local media failed to
report this story, which has been percolating
through Washington and Columbia for a year
now? Local television stations have had the
story for many weeks, but only last week got
around to mentioning it on their air. We all
know that local television news is really good
for little more than chasing fire trucks, but
why were The Charleston Post and Courier
and The State newspaper in Columbia sitting
on their hands on this story? With their large
staffs, they had the resources to break this
story but made the conscious decision not
to.
At this writing, The State still has not
touched the story. The P&C treated the topic
with only a Frank Wooten column, back in
October 2005, then with a front-page news
story two weeks ago. Is it paranoid to think
that these media corporations are in league
with other large corporate interests in trying
to slide this legislation through before
anyone notices? For the Post and Courier,
this failure to pursue the story – let alone
to come out editorially against offshore
drilling – is particularly reprehensible. The
P&C, and the Manigault family who own
it, pride themselves on their environmental
stewardship.
In Pages of History, the P&C’s self-
published history of its first 200 years,
author Charles R. Rowe writes, “The Post
and Courier has given substantial coverage
to environmental issues through…special
projects showing the threat to natural areas
and natural resources.” The narrative went
on to describe how the paper campaigned
successfully in 1997 to stop a sand diversion
project that would have threatened the
pelican rookery on Bird Key. Somehow the
newspaper missed the story of oil wells
and refineries coming to the coast of South
Carolina.
Now the story is out in the open and
sources tell me that Henry Brown is taking
a beating on the subject from constituents
calling and writing in. Keep up the good
work. And on Election Day, don’t forget who
tried to sell our coast to the oil industry.
letters@columbiacitypaper.com
Here’s what two S.C. politicians
feel about the issue:
“I would hate to see us spoil our
environment just to gain another mile
down a dead end street.”
-Oscar Lovelace, Republican
campaigning for governor
“Hi…We’ve decided to sit this
story out. Thanks!”
-Congressman Joe Wilson’s office
 Loose Lips
LOOSE LIPS
Opinion and Political Gossip Column
By Alice Addertounge
Convention Center In The Black
Steve Camp, President and CEO
of Midlands Authority for Conventions
Sports and Tourism, approached City
Council in the meeting on April 19 for
continued funding for his organization,
which not only runs the Convention
Center but also promotes tourism in
the Midlands. Kirkman Finlay III, the
newest member of City Council, was
quick to question the funding of Camp’s
organization when there are other groups
in need.
You’d think City Council would
want to continue to fund something
like the Convention Center and tourism
overall, especially when it has proven to
be a success financially. But perhaps
it wasn’t the money that was making
council members give a second look.
Tensions rose as Council member
Sam Davis brought up complaints that
African American groups have lodged
against the Convention Center. Davis
voiced concerns that the only complaints
against the Convention Center come
from these “certain groups.”
Davis cited at least one incident in
particular: Congressman Jim Clyburn’s
2005 Endowment Holiday Gala. One of
the complaints was that many people
who donated large sums of money
to be at the event got cold dinners,
and some none at all. Referring to an
internal review of operations regarding
the alleged incidents, Davis said, “They
shouldn’t have to do that in the year
2006.” Clyburn’s office said to call Janice
Marshall, a local certified event planner
hired by the committee to evaluate the
situation from a different perspective.
“There were some complaints and
we brought closure to it,” Marshall said.
The Convention Center responded
to a records request with one of the
responses to Clyburn’s complaint,
promising they are reviewing all other
complaints and assured that they “will
communicate further on these items
shortly.”
The Convention Center and
Congressman Clyburn’s office are
not sharing the details of the initial
complaints. They must have had
some merit as the Convention Center
created a Policies and Procedures Audit
Committee as well as a Special Events
citypaper May 10, 2006 11
Manager position. They have also
scheduled diversity/sensitivity training
for all staff, according to documents
obtained by Columbia City Paper.
Regina Lewis, an attorney
specializing in litigation matters
including discrimination, wrongful
termination, breach of contract, and
other employment-related claims in both
the state and federal courts, directed the
committee.
Looks like the Convention Center is
doing both a good job at learning from
their mistakes, as well as covering their
legal behinds. Kudos is deserved for
CEO Steve Camp for crisis management
and minimizing embarrassment for the
City of Columbia.
Dirt Bags
Speaking of learning from their
mistakes, it only took SCE&G 59 days to
clean up their sub station property in the
residential neighborhood of Eau Claire.
“I represent Eau Claire,” Sam
Davis said, declaring that he would do
something about the mess.
SCE&G had a crew cleaning up the
property later that day.
Girlfriends, Removal of Evidence, and
Political Payoffs
Remember $50,000 being spent
on a city slogan? Well, it looks like some
incumbents are returning some more
favors with plans to allocate a quarter
million dollars to a major advertising
agency head in town, who —of course—
has a friend in high places.
A Sheriff’s Deputy allegedly saw
another major player at City Hall in a
vehicle behind a warehouse on Shop
Road. Perhaps he was rendezvousing
with his high-paid assistant, who some
say gets more than work thrown in her And much, much, more
lap. The man was supposedly at the
wrong place at the wrong time with one
of his girlfriends and left behind a little
evidence that needed covering up—
which of course took the help of another
city employee.
Remember, a lot of real news
comes from my gossip so keep an eye
out for Alice Addertounge.
alice@columbiacitypaper.com
12 Letters citypaper May 10, 2006
Mr. Meaner’s While talking to police at an incident lo-
cation, the suspect decided it was okay
to just walk away. Police told her to stop
but she didn’t. Too bad she left her ID
with the cops. She now has a warrant
for her arrest, poor thing 7300 block
Patterson Road
While in room 807 at Baptist Hospital, a
60-year-old Columbia woman said $400
was taken from her purse. She told po-
292 0 2
A Columbia Police officer filed a report
saying he lost his city-issued raincoat
valued at $100. Please doo NOT wor-
ry— His supervisor was notified. 00
block Justice Square
After smashing a glass front window
of a motel, police found the crackhead
responsible to be “suffering hallucina-
tions,” and under the influence of an
they going to shoot her with, embalming
fluid? Come on, 4100 block North Main
Street
292 0 4
The words “F$!k, I’m going to kill you”
are what got a 34-year-old woman
thrown in jail earlier this week. The
woman was being loud and swearing in
public place and police had no time for
it. She was arrested for disorderly con-
duct. You only get away with that kind

CRIME
lice that she thinks a nurse technician “unknown substance.” Well...until they of thing if your name is Courtney Love
stole her money while she used the rest found the $20 worth of crack rock in his and you live in LA, 1700 block Tremain
room. Somebody call Robert Stack, pocket, 6300 Main Street Street

WAT C H
The people involved in these
events are innocent until proven
guilty. The accounts come
directly from police reports.
This is not a court of law.
29 0 52
TIP OF THE WEEK: If you’re driving
around smoking weed, don’t have your
music playing real loud like a jackass.
Cops pulled a car over this week for just
that and found pot, the driver driving
under suspension and in possession of
marijuana within proximity to a school.
It better have been a damn good song,
3200 block Harper Street
29 0 5 3
A 30-year-old woman told officers she
was threatened with a knife. Her name
is not Janet Leigh, 2300 block Ervin
Street
29 0 6 1
An officer caught a 30-year-old man with
an open container of Schlitz Malt Liquor
in public. The subject was arrested for
disorderly conduct and an open con-
tainer in public, but received no tickets
or citations for drinking s$!t beer— a far
worse offense if you ask us, 5000 block
Holmes Ave.
29 0 7 3
A 17-year-old Lexington female was re-
ported missing May 6. She did not come
home by the time she was supposed to.
No word yet on whether FOX News has
been notified or if the young woman has
ever been to Aruba, 1200 block Assem-
bly Street
292 0 1
“The suspect and his girlfriend drove
up while hollering [and] screaming be-
cause, according to her, he was trying
to take her phone and using profanity,”
a reporting officer said of an incident
in the Food Lion parking lot. Turns out
the driver smelled like booze and was
arrested for drunkenness, 1000 block
Broad River Road
1300 block Taylor Street
While walking down the street, a 40- 292 0 5
Cops saw a man pulling on the door year-old woman was approached by Some jerk-off threw a rock through the
handles of a car. Turns out he has a war- a stranger. He picked her up off the back window of a guy’s car causing
rant in Rock Hill. Stay there next time, ground and then threw her down on the $250 in damages. Sucks, 2200 block
Columbia has enough of you sketch- sidewalk. Then he walked away, 3400 College Street
balls, 700 block Lady Street block Carver Street
292 0 5
While on the scene to a fight in progress Some little punk smashed a mailbox A victim told officers of the law that
in Five Points, police arrested a 22-year- this week. He probably watched “Dazed someone called his residence threaten-
old man for being “drunk and loud.” he and Confused” on TBS too many times, ing him because he “called his wife a
was told twice to stop but didn’t. We 5000 Randall Ave. bitch.” The caller said the person better
just hope this wasn’t his only graduation How would you feel if you ended up in “watch himself whenever he returns to
present, 600 block Harden Street the crime blotter for stealing something Rochester, NY.” I’ve been to Rochester,
that cost $1.05? Probably exactly like believe me, there’s no reason to go back
A 26-year-old man was also arrested in this reject who got away with it. Good there, 300 block Beltline Blvd.
Five Points that night on the charges of steal, buddy, 3900 block Main Street
drunkenness. He was found to be “in a April fools a month late maybe? Some-
highly intoxicated condition...had slurred An employee of Bi-Lo told officers that a one used liquid welding to clog up the
speech and was unsteady on his feet. In cashier had stolen $93.50 in lottery tick- lock on a front door here in Columbia.
cop talk that means you’re drunk. Re- ets. Now that’s a serious gamble, 3900 Two month before, the same thing hap-
member it. 600 block Harden Street block Main Street pened but with Super Glue. What’s next,
the “Hand buzzer?” Snapping gum?
While reporting to a trespassing call, A 73-year-old woman told officers some- Maybe the old plastic wrap over the toi-
police found a 40-year-old man with an one threatened to shoot her. What were let bowl trick? 2700 block Rosewood
unlawful weapon.
Now, it was only a
pocketknife but in
Columbia THAT is
considered an “un-
lawful weapon.” Be
careful, 700 block
Crosshill Road
Police found a sub-
ject with marijuana
and two knives.
Playing with weed
and knives at 48-
years-old? Only
in Columbia, 3400
block Broad River
Road
DEAR COLUMBIA:
Please stop call-
ing the cops about
“drunk pedes-
trians.” This is a
COLLEGE TOWN.
Get a clue, clown
shoe. Police ar-
rested a man for
drunkenness on
Gervais Street af-
ter a complaint.
Blah blah blah, 900
Gervais Street
Iraq
Drive
An officer on patrol said he saw “a black
male shaking a USA [Today] paper ma-
chine.” The officer approached the guy
but he ran off. It was reported the man
took an unknown amount of money
from the newspaper box. Police will
take fingerprints. The only good news
is that USA Today seems to lean a little
bit towards the right side of the political
spectrum. That tells us the recent van-
dalism and theft of Columbia City Pa-
per’s newspaper boxes isn’t politically
motivated, 3800 block Devine Street
(Piggly Wiggly)
An employee of the College Mart in Five
Points told officers that he appeared to
have been given a counterfeit $20 bill.
College students do tend to be subject
to abject poverty. Well, the ones who
aren’t driving SUVs, wearing croakies,
boat shoes and pink polos do anyway—
so I guess we’re talking about “real” col-
lege students, 2000 block Devine Street
Officers found two change boxes lying
on the side of the road this week. Po-
lice believe the boxes were taken from
a “money/vending machine of some
sort.” Too bad no one else found them,
that’s a lot of Pinball and free washing
citypaper May 10, 2006 13
machines at Wash World, 4000 block
Duncan Street
292 0 6
When a man asked his ex if he could
take their child home for the day and
she said no, he grabbed her by the arm
and swung her around the place. Then
he let her arm go and grabbed her by
the neck and “applied pressure.” May-
be his cellmate will dress him up girly-
style and show him how to really treat
a lady…with a broomstick. 2000 block
Pinehurst Road
292 0 9
A woman said that someone knocked
her to the ground, hit her head on a bike
and then punched a person trying to
help her, 4000 block Plowden Road
292 1 0
Police responded to the attempted safe
cracking of a Wachovia ATM. They didn’t
get any money but did cause $250 in
damages to the machine, 100 Dutch
Square Blvd.
14 The Angry Whale citypaper May 10, 2006
The Angry Whale citypaper May 10, 2006 15
16 Letters citypaper May 10, 2006
Soundboard citypaper May 10, 2006 17
1530 Main St., Cola.

Soundboard
Thursday, May 18 Dylan Kight
Brightford
New Brookland Tavern
122 State St., West Cola. Wild Wing Café
MC Frontalot 1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola.
Juicebox Suicide Blonde
Thursday, May 11 DJ Vitae Yukos The Crude
DJ Lyria Sunday, May 21
New Brookland Tavern New Brookland Tavern
122 State St., West Cola. Jammin Java 122 State St., West Cola. New Brookland Tavern
Sobriquet 1530 Main St., Cola. Why Johnny Kills 122 State St., West Cola.
Year Future The Brilliant Inventions Falling Off A Building Emanuel
Thank God Scott Ivey Moon Mullins The Audition
The Disease My American Heart
Wild Wing Café Headliners Lorean Love
Headliners 1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola. 700 Gervais St., Cola.
700 Gervais St., Cola. Standard Candle 30 Seconds to Mars Monday, May 20
“Pets Inc. Benefit” The Red
Salt Creek Sunday, May 14 Jumpsuit Wild Wing Café
Papa String Band Apparatus 1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola.
New Brookland Tavern Keating Tokyo Joe
New Brookland Tavern 122 State St., West Cola. Men, Women, and Children
122 State St., West Cola. Goodnight Providence Tuesday, May 23
Mad Happy Fixed Till Tuesday Jammin Java
Juice Box The Hundredth 1530 Main St., Cola. New Brookland Tavern
Enclaved Chris Ayer 122 State St., West Cola.
Jammin Java Adam Klein Cities Apart
1530 Main St., Cola. New Brookland Tavern Parkside
Carey Sims 122 State St., West Cola. Friday, May 19 Brookside
Gregory Douglass FLY Just R Luck
Ronny Drew Rockefeller Horsecollar New Brookland Tavern
Petrillo Relents 122 State St., West Cola. Wednesday, May 24
Wild Wing Café Death Valley Driver Firefly Summer
1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola. The Baldness Flyboy New Brookland Tavern
Bill Wharton – The Sauce Boss erectorset Nate Poole 122 State St., West Cola.
Rarshak The Witch That Bedazzled The Black Domina
Friday, May 12 The Seven Seas Early Grace
Monday, May 15 Adison Croft
New Brookland Tavern Headliners Xemir
122 State St., West Cola. Wild Wing Café 700 Gervais St., Cola. Israel’s Son
Rocket Summer 1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola. The Downcide
Paramore Tokyo Joe Convey Wild Wing Café
Brandtson Stagger Back 1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola.
Dklimb Tuesday, May 16 Joystick
Jammin Java
Jammin Java New Brookland Tavern 1530 Main St., Cola. Thursday, May 25
1530 Main St., Cola. 122 State St., West Cola. Taylor Davis & Brad Passions
Gary Pfaff Jupiter Sunrise New Brookland Tavern
John Pringle Let Go Saturday, May 20 122 State St., West Cola.
Kaddisfly Ruba Say and the Cosmic Rays
Wild Wing Café New Brookland Tavern The Significant Others
1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola. Wednesday, May 17 122 State St., West Cola. Noise Machine
Stone Cold Fox Quickfuse Normal Bias
New Brookland Tavern Diavolo
Saturday, May 13 122 State St., West Cola. Level-C New Brookland Tavern
6PM Encased 122 State St., West Cola.
New Brookland Tavern Maestro Mindspill The 303s
122 State St., West Cola. Stepchain Lismore
5PM Suitable Paradise New Brookland Tavern Nooner
Far From Clear 10PM 122 State St., West Cola.
Night Kills the Day “Non Stop Hip Hop Live” Autonomous Jammin Java
Counter Intelligence Almost Jason 1530 Main St., Cola.
A Farewell To Arms Jammin Java The AltaEgos Eric Vinson
9:30PM 1530 Main St., Cola. Sean McConnell
The Stelle Group Dave Barnes Headliners
Gabe Dixon 700 Gervais St., Cola.
New Brookland Tavern Sterling Y
122 State St., West Cola. Wild Wing Café
Symmetry IV 1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola. Jammin Java
Anders Manga Sun Domingo
18 Viewpoints citypaper May 10, 2006
S C
How South Carolina Might Get More Conservative
Simmering just below the surface of
South Carolina politics is a pretty amaz-
ing struggle for leadership of the state’s
agenda.
On one side are the traditional
Statehouse leaders, all Republicans -
- the House speaker, Senate president
pro tempore and a bevy of committee
chairmen.
On another side are Republicans
who are frustrated - - social conserva-
tives and outsiders who have special-in-
terest agendas, such as school vouch-
ers, and mavericks, such as Gov. Mark
Sanford, who has seen little movement
in his agenda even though his party
controls the legislature.
Meanwhile, increasingly organized
national and state Democrats lay in wait
as voters become more frustrated with
rising gas prices, the lingering war in
Iraq, immigration conflicts and high un-
employment.
“There are a number of factors,
mostly on the national level, causing a
lot of dissatisfaction,” said Presbyterian
College political scientist Jonathan C.
Smith.
Evidence of the growing Republican
fissure in state politics can be seen in
the candidate list in the coming June
primaries, now just a few weeks away.
Of the 23 contested Republican S.C.
House races, 13 pit challengers against
GOP incumbents, some of whom are
big-name leaders tied closely to the
leadership: Assistant Majority Leader
Adam Taylor, R-Laurens; six-term vet-
eran Rep. Bill Cotty, R-Richland; popu-
lar insider Rep. Skipper Perry, R-Aiken;
and Horry Rep. Alan Clemmons. In 18
Democratic contested House races,
nine challengers are threatening incum-
bents.
But while the Democratic contests
seem to be standard political fare, the
fact that incumbent Republican leaders
are being challenged is of enough con-
cern that House Speaker Bobby Harrell
fired a broadside in late April.
“We have members of the House
S T A T E HO U S E R E P ORT
by Andy Brack
of Representatives who are running for Under Sanford, this executive party has Andy Brack, publisher of S.C. Statehouse
re-election who are being attacked by been hit and miss. There haven’t been Report, has a new book of commentaries,
out-of-state special interest groups,” lots of big victories for the governor and Bugging the Palmettos. For more, visit
Harrell said April 20 at a Columbia news his supporters. But there have been a http://www.statehousereport.com.
conference. (It’s common knowledge lot of public squabbles between him
the groups he’s referring to are South and the Republican leadership in the
Carolinians for Responsible Govern- General Assembly. So instead of work-
ment, which gets a lot of out-of-state ing with leaders to accomplish things,
money to support school vouchers, and as Republican Gov. Carroll Campbell
a new organization called S.C. Club for did with a Democratic legislature, this
Growth, which seems to want to push executive party seems to play guerrilla
the Sanford agenda.) politics. Tactics include public displays
of populism, using outside groups to
According to the Associated Press, try to influence the agenda and finding
Harrell also said the group had “mislead- wealthy supporters to run for office.
ing names and they want you to think
that they represent South Carolina’s val- So what does this all mean? Mostly
ues. The reality is that these organiza-
tions come from places like New York
and Washington, D.C.”
that guerrilla tactics will have some im-
pact. Republican incumbents who may
not have had to watch how they voted
Everybody
Even a space cadet can read the
writing on the wall: the old guard is be-
over the past few years now will have
to pay more attention to political con-
sequences. In an already conservative
Wake Up!
ing threatened. state, South Carolina may get more
conservative.
University of South Carolina political
scientist Mark Tompkins sees the strug-
gle as a battle between legislative and
executive control of the state’s political
agenda
In one corner is the “legislative par-
ty” - - mostly Republicans and a smat-
tering of Democrats who ensure the leg-
islature controls where the state is going.
With South Carolina’s political structure
favoring a strong legislature, this is the
status quo. A legislative party in control
generally tries to keep things the same
- - control of the agenda, no messy floor
fights, no big controversy. And when
members want to make news, they want
it to be big, splashy and favorable.
The downsides of a legislative party
are they keep a lot of folks out of the
decision-making process and force the
process toward the middle. In a leg-
islative state, Tompkins said, change
doesn’t come fast.
In the other corner are more maver-
ick efforts. At a national level, it would
be called a “presidential party” with the
president setting the agenda. Here,
it’s probably better called an “execu-
tive party” with a governor setting the
agenda.
Viewpoints citypaper May 10, 2006 19

HIGH PRICES CAUSED WAKE UP

BY IRAQ WAR
Bush Could Ease Pain at the Pump - If He Wanted
NEW YORK--When Americans went to
the polls on Election Day 2004, nearly
51 percent pulled the lever, punched a
chad or touched a screen for George W.
Bush. Only 32 percent of the electorate
would do the same today. What changed
the minds of 23 million people?
It can’t be Iraq. Nothing, after
all, has changed. At the beginning of
November 2004, we had been there for
nearly two years. The Administration,
having scoured the country for weapons
of mass destruction, came up empty-
handed and called off the search. It isn’t
as if the tide of battle shifted between
2004 and today. We were losing, and
had been losing, since the beginning.
Iraqi resistance fighters had already
slaughtered more than 1200 American
soldiers. The carnage has claimed an-
other 1200 since then; it’s a grim but
steady rate.
It can’t be the economy. True,
it sucks, but it’s no suckier than it was
on Election Day 2004. Bush had already
added a staggering $2.5 trillion to the
national debt. As is the case for Iraq war
casualties, he has continued to dig us
deeper ever since--but at no faster a
rate.
by Ted Rall
There can only be one explanation, one
that has bedeviled countless politicians
before Bush: Gas prices.
High gas prices freak us out,
not necessarily because they’re objec-
tively too high--we Americans still pay a
lot less than they do in Europe--but be-
cause we’ve come to think of gasoline
as a fairly fixed expense. The average
American household consumes 26 gal-
lons of gas each week. When the aver-
age weekly gas bill doubles to $83.20
in a couple of years, it’s a pinch for the
well-off and a budget-buster for the rest
of us. And if there’s anything worse than
paying more at the pump, it’s seeing that
our leaders don’t get it--what the heck
were Congressional Republicans think-
ing when they floated their $100 gas tax
rebate? That’s two fill-ups, guys.
Voters are taking out their anger
on Bush, but who’s to blame? Not us,
says the White House, pointing at the
developing world. “Demand exceeds
supply,” chief of staff Josh Bolten says,
pointing at China and India for sucking
up more crude. It’s the Democrats’ fault,
say Republicans, for not letting them
drill for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife
Refuge. As usual, Democrats don’t have
much to say at all.
WITH
COLUMBIA
CITY PAPER
to $38 when the United States went to
war against Afghanistan--a potential oil
pipeline route and neighbor to several
large producers. It jumped from $33 to
$40 in February 2003, just before the
U.S. attack against Iraq. Insurgents
have blown up pipelines and refineries
there ever since, causing a steady climb
to $76.
Adding to the high cost of crude
oil, says former Louisiana senator and
oil company lobbyist Bennett Johnston,
is the Bush Administration’s “saber rat- subscriptions
tling” against Iran. “We’d see gasoline @columbiacitypaper.com
prices of $5 or $6; crude oil above $100
if we bomb Iran,” he predicts.
So voters are right. If Bush
wants to bring down oil prices, he can.
All he has to do is stop threatening war,
and bring home the troops from Iraq.

Bush’s aborted plan to priva- When in doubt, ask the experts.

tize/eliminate Social Security attempted
to trade on the support he’d acquired
from terrorized Americans after 9/11.
His Gallup poll approval rating dropped
from 57 percent after his 2005 State of
the Union Address, where he announced
his scheme, to 48 percent in April, three
months later. By then, however, the mar-
ket of public opinion had factored in the
effect of the Social Security debacle,
which was resolved when Congress re-
fused to go along. Something else has
to explain the continuing plunge toward
Watergate-era Nixondom.
It isn’t the torture at Guantána-
mo and Abu Ghraib, the torture flights
of people they kidnapped so they could
be tortured in Syria and Uzbekistan, or
the Valerie Plame CIA leak investigation.
Americans who care about those things
didn’t vote for Bush in the first place.
Red Cavaney, president of the industry
trade group American Petroleum Insti-
tute--not left-leaning types--puts the
blame squarely on the invasion of Iraq,
where unrest and violence has reduced
production to less than they were under
Saddam in the world’s second-largest
supplier. Traders of oil futures fix the
price per barrel based on their expec-
tations of political stability, especially
in the world’s largest oil-producing na-
tions. And they don’t like what they see
in Iraq. “As soon as you can stabilize the
civil situation,” says Cavaney, “[Iraq will]
significantly be able to ramp up produc-
tion. But it would take years.”
The chart of the crucial “light
sweet crude oil” futures index reads
like a barometer of political tension in
energy-producing hotspots. Oil, hover-
ing around $27 a barrel in 2001, spiked
20 Horoscopes citypaper May 10, 2006

HOROSCOPES by Governor Mark Sanford*

Gemini
I ha- -ry import- warning for- from th -other side! -s
a matter -life or death! Too -ad I’m relay- th- h- -scope
thr- a SunCom phon- Anywa- -message is tha--
[“Call Ended/No Signal”]
Cancer
Your hippie roommate missed many April showers. And
May will only bring stinky flowers (specifically in the form of
his hairy girlfriend, who enjoys sweaty sex in your recliner
while you’re at work). Though your house smells like a
mixture of canned cat food and feet, the best you can do is
light some incense and pray for a mild summer.
stereo by August.
Scorpio
You will seek a career change after you spearhead a failed
animated safety video for children, entitled “Thomas the
Tank Engine Meets the Magic School Bus: Tragedy on the
Tracks.”
Sagittarius
The stars and planets see all, you sicko. We know about
your falsified claims of Irritable Bowel Syndrome and
how you’ve exploited it to obtain a handicapped-parking
sticker.

Aries
As a recent European transplant, you will be crestfallen to
learn that B.Y.O.B. doesn’t mean that you should show up
to a party with your own bidet.
Taurus
You will try --unsuccessfully-- to gouge out your ear
drums with a broken beer bottle when you find yourself
on a barstool at Art Bar, caught in a debate about global
economics with a drag queen named Ginger Vitis and a
guy in knee-high moccasins, who calls himself “Manhawk”.
Leo
Heed this actual advice overheard between two
employees of the State of South Carolina: “You’d be a lot
more popular if you’d stick to using one-syllable words.”
or two.
Virgo
Take vintage fashion to a whole new extreme by looking
deep into the mists of the ancient past for inspiration.
Personally, I’m seeing a breezy one-piece Yak pelt for a
new level of style and comfort in both the home and office.
Libra
If you put a quarter in a jar every time a guy with the middle
name “Wayne” shows up in local media crime reports,
you’ll have enough money saved to replace your stolen car
Capricorn
An imminent philosopher once said, “Pleasure is fleeting
...herpes is forever.” Sadly, you’ll have a lifetime to brood
over that phrase after your upcoming trip to Myrtle Beach.
Aquarius
I love what you’ve done with your eyebrow. Oh, and you
were great in Transylvania 6/5000!
Pisces
Your tenuous relationship with the yuppies in your
neighborhood will be strained even further when you
mistake a herd of weekend power-walkers for a Special
Olympics marathon.

“I’m Not a Doctor”--but I get this cool title anyway.

JONESIN’ CROSSWORDS by Matt Jones
Across 54 President who’s looking for a 31 “The ___ Song” (retaliatory
1 It may be enough for some hidden arsenal? 2004 tune by Eric Idle)
5 “Diff’rent Strokes” actor Conrad 55 Words after “ready” 32 Marilyn ___ Savant (high IQ
9 Sportscaster Rashad 56 It’s dealt columnist)
14 Jessica in the Jim Bakker scan- 57 Almanac volume 33 NBC show that sometimes
dal 58 Academy newbie busts sexual predators
15 “Do ___ others...” 59 ___-bitsy 34 Working
16 Tilted to one side 60 Dame played by an Australian 35 Show where Brad Rutter
17 Child of a pre-Civil War trial fig- guy bested Ken Jennings
ure and former E! host Jules? Down 36 Send along an e-mail, for short
19 “West Side Story” sides 1 “Crud!” 37 Bollywood actress Aishwarya
20 Dangerous bulge 2 Land in a 2005 Tilda Swinton film ___
21 Cheryl of “Charlie’s Angels” 3 Henhouse sounds 40 Signoff like “Truly,” but shorter
22 Carpenter’s hand tool 4 Table spray brand 41 His theme song plays when
23 Polish potato pocket 5 It’s pointless and time-consuming he eats
26 Thomas who drew Santa Claus 6 Novelist Radcliffe and namesakes 42 With humans on board, as a
and the Tammany Hall Tiger 7 Thing space flight
27 Go around 8 And not either 43 Scarecrow buddy
30 ___ Bator, Mongolia 9 Organism that can be brown, red 44 Oh on screens
31 Security concern or green 46 Small font size
32 Peace symbol 10 Dizzy feeling 48 Part of ESL
33 Prostitute’s client who loads 11 Instrument played on the 2005 50 Word after hot or banana
trucks in his spare time? White Stripes album “Get Behind 51 Long times to wait
36 Swiss currency Me Satan” 52 Alley ___
38 They can be clear or blue 12 Director of Heath and Jake 53 Address online, for short
39 Electrical power unit 13 Wino’s visions 54 Letters on a phone’s 4
40 Like some survey questions 18 Famed football coach Par- ©2006 Jonesin’
41 Pie chart demarcations: abbr. seghian Crosswords(editor@jonesincross-
45 Alan Rickman’s first movie 21 Kiddie ___ (book genre) words.com)
47 Richard Pryor’s Illinois birthplace 23 Hybrid language For answers to this puzzle, call:
49 ZZ Top hit 24 It’ll shut you up 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per
50 Half of a 1980s power couple 25 Place to stay when traveling minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to
52 Spiritual board marketed by 28 Like Braille dots your credit card, call: 1-800-655-
Parker Brothers 29 Split-level beds 6548. Reference puzzle #0256.
Cartoons citypaper May 10, 2006 21

Ted Rall

The Boondocks
22 Advice citypaper May 10, 2006
I’m a gay man in a relationship
for two years. I would say that we
are in love. Love in the sense of the
emotional kind of love and not so
much in terms of the sexual. I do think
of him as my husband and we had a
commitment ceremony. We want to
start a family and have started to look
into adoption.
The one problem we have is that
we have sex only once a month. We
can talk about anything except for this.
When I try to talk about it, my partner
gets defensive. Perhaps we should
have an open relationship, but that
doesn’t seem appealing, and I think we
would both be jealous if we decided to
do that.
Do you have any suggestions, O
Wise and Mouthy One?
Loved But Deprived
Savage Love
by Dan Savage
Just one: Don’t you dare adopt
until both of the problems in your
relationship are resolved, LBD. You
may think you only have one, but I
see two big, glaring problems: your
crap sex life and your inability to
communicate about it. If you boys
can’t communicate about your sex life
now, how on earth are you going to
communicate about it—not to mention
all the other shit that comes with
parenting—once you’ve adopted?
Also, LBD, if you think you’re
frustrated now, take the amount of sex
you’re currently having, multiply that
number by .10, and that’s the amount
of sex you’re likely to have after you
become parents. I say “likely” because
it doesn’t have to be that way—parents
can have great sex lives (ahem), but
they do have to make an effort, and
your partner doesn’t sound like the
effort-making type. As far as open
relationships go, setting aside the
advisability of new parents screwing
around, there’s the little matter of
logistics. Most new parents don’t have
time to sleep, much less time to sleep
around.
If your sex life isn’t functional,
LBD, then your relationship isn’t ready
for the stress-fest/shit storm that is
parenting. I’m not saying once a month
can’t be functional—for some folks,
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once a month is plenty. But your sex
life isn’t functional because (1) once a
month isn’t enough for you, and (2) you
guys can’t talk about it and therefore
can’t resolve it. So you’re going to
have to press the issue, LBSD, and
force the boyfriend to talk about it—
and all discussion of adoption should
cease until you solve these problems.
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Cookin’ with ass
cookin’
with ass
Joe Fotallate is in the Kitchen
with Columbia’s Chefs
Andrew Cooper
Title: Senior Executive Vice President of
Diner Operations
Blood Type: “Dude, I don’t even know.”
All-time Favorite Movie: True Romance
CCP: What’s the most grizzled thing you’ve seen
working the late-night shift down here?
I caught someone urinating in my mop sink in the back.
And I almost killed him. Other than that... on Christmas Eve
someone got thrown though the window.
CCP: Good God! They ran him all the way through
it?!
Well, not all the way through it... but he broke it. It gets
kind of wild down here.
CCP: Do you miss the hippie bar from next door?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. There are more different
kinds of music now. Before, it was all hippie music. I mean
I like hippie music, but not 24/7 Widespread, and Cheese
and Phish. I’m so glad I’ll never have to hear Phish at work
again. But, I miss the old owners. Of course, I like the new
owners, too.
CCP: Have you noticed a decline in the “munchies”
sales since the hippies left?
Yeah, the munchies sales have gone down... but the tips
have gone up.
CCP: What did the guys from the Free Times order when
they were here?
They didn’t eat here. I did the interview over the
phone. “If you had a million dollars what would you do?”
...Not work in this diner.
CCP: Well, that’s their M.O.
Yeah, they would ask a question like, “What is your ideal
customer?” I can definitely tell you my non-ideal customer:
someone who is so sloppy drunk they forget what they
ordered. Someone who bitches about how long it’s taking
and then when they get it, they complain that it’s not what
citypaper May 10, 2006 23
they ordered, but it really is... they were just so sloppy drunk,
they forgot.
CCP: Paris [Hilton] or Nicole [Richie]?
Paris, definitely.
CCP: Why?
Cause she’s hot.
CCP: Do you ever wish Joe Azar didn’t work right across
the street?
Nah, I haven’t seen him too much recently, so he’s been
out of my hair.
CCP: That’s a good way to put it. Is he usually in your
hair?
Well, he comes in and he always tries to buy something
and doesn’t want to pay full price for it.
Find Your
CCP (After the laughter ceased): Okay, I have friends
who think that two chili cheese dogs will “help you Dream Home!
sober up.” Is that true? And, if not, do you have any
recommendations?
It only works after you’ve thrown up the two chili cheese Call Chris Barczak
dogs, then you’ll be less drunk than you would be.
CCP: Are you following any news stories in particular? I
803-799-8994
read that you’re a news junkie.
Yeah, they’re having a big symposium in Canada on
UFOs and aliens and shit. I can’t wait to get home and get 1929 Marion Street
online and see what the hell’s going on with that. There’s this
ex-Defense Secretary or Defense Minister or whatever they
have in Canada, who was the Defense Minister back in the
60s. He’s actually come out and said that Canada has proof
of UFOs. ... Of course, we didn’t hear anything about it on
our news. I heard about it on NPR and Alan Handleman. You
know, you’ve got to go search for good news.
CCP: Oh, yeah, we know. [Changing the subject] So
what-- in your opinion-- are the keys to a good burger?
‘Cause you can’t have a burger that takes only one
napkin while you eat it.
Oh yeah, it’s gotta be multiple napkins. It can’t be
anything less than a third of a pound of beef, and you cannot
get it cooked more than medium. A well-done burger is not
a good burger. It takes all the juices out.
CCP: So it’s gotta be big. It’s gotta be juicy. And it’s gotta
be messy.
That’s right. There’s no such thing as a clean burger.
...So, I assume you’ll be writing this off as a business
expense?
CCP: You know it. We’re one step ahead of you on that
one. Okay one more question. You’ve just won a contest
to spend a day with Toby Keith. What would you do?
Invite the Dixie Chicks.
CCP: Finish this sentence: You just found out your dad
is gay so you...
I imagine I’d tell my Mom.
Interview by Joe Fotalatte, Photo by Jacky Schuler
Five Points Diner
800 Harden St., 254-9999
 Family Guy on Louie’s TVs Sunday Nights
One drink on Columbia City Paper
at start of Family Guy on May 14th! (one domestic beer only )

Every day is a deal at Louie’s

Monday $2 House Liquor
Tuesday $2 Flavored Vodkas
Wednesday $1 Bud Light Bottles
Thursday $2 Jim Beam
Friday $1 Natural Lights
Sat & Sun $2 Pints
($1 Natural Lights All The Time)

1125 Park St, Columbia (803) 933-9833

POSTLOCAL.COM
Cash Paid for Vitage Guitars
vitageoneguitars.com
Steinways Baby Grand piano.
$21,000.00
Steinways Baby Grand piano.
Mahogany. Excellent condition,
$21,000 OBO. Must
sell due to move.
Jagermeister Machine This
is a Jager chilling machine that
holds three Jager
bottles to convert Jagermeister
to a tap. It’s great for any bar
where alcoholics hang out or
for just getting yourself shit-
faced “Barny style.” It was only
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we’ve deemed it too danger-
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we want to get anything done.
Get this thing out of our office.
Les Paul Guitar
Beautiful green Epiphone Les
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beginers or experienced guitar
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willing to sell it for half of that.
BUYING Sports memora-
bilia. Old Pro/College rings,
watches, game – used
uniforms, helmets, equipment,
programs, photos and nega-
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MORE.
Call Mike 254-8448
M4F From Brooklyn
MOVING TO COLUMBIA
Personals
LOOKING FOR A FEMALE
WITH A CAREER, FUNNY AND
UNDERSTANDING
(respond to these free at
postlocal.com)
M4F Something, Anything,
Nothing...and everything in
between. These are our topics
of conversation. So you
can be a little quirky or an
open minded regular Jane. Be
at least cute (You
know whether you are or not.)
and have connecting with a
man on your mind.
DWM
44 seeks 30’s female. Greater
Columbia area.
Christian Young shy
Christian Guy, 23, looking for a
christian girl with a
good heart.
Gal pal looking for gal pal
Looking for pals, and if we hit
it off, even better! email me
and we can meet for lunch
downtown.
W4W WOMEN ONLY
Looking for Women for casual
friendship, telephone friends,
or more. Diamonds
is 4 u!!!!!
DWM 44 seeks 30’s female.
Something, Anything, Noth-
ing....... - Greater Columbia
......and everything in be-
tween. These are our topics of
conversation. So you can be a
little quirky or an open minded
regular Jane. Be at least cute
(You know whether you are or
not.) and have connecting with
a man on your mind.
M4F Close your eyes,
... close the door.
You don’t need to worry any-
more. I’ll be you baby tonight.
M4F Always attract psychos?
- Lexington . Well you can
either resign yourself to your
fate, or drop me a line!
Check out the updated version & official
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and you may post anonymously. Free
Personals! Free Classifieds! All brought
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F4M USC Grad Student -
Five Points
I’m looking for friends to go
out as a group and hang out in
five points. I love to dance, and
also love to hang out in sports
bars and have a few drinks.
If you’re interested drop me
a line.
DNA Testing
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Meds
803-939-8422
Full service drug screening and
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Servers Needed
Apply in person Mon-Fri 2:00-
Employment
4:00pm.
2930 Devine St.
Za’s Brick Oven Pizza
Moe’s Grapevine Italian is
hiring for all positions. Exp.
preferred. Apply at
4478 Rosewood Dr.
Rhino Room:
HOSTESS WANTED Hostess
wanted at the Rhino Room.
Apply in person at 807
Gervais St. in the Vista. Ask for
Sean.
CCP needs
advertising sales
representatives.
Performers will
average 20 percent
commission. call
803-446-3458 This
is a commission only
position.
3BR HOUSE FOR SALE!!!! -
Chapin. Lovely home w/flowing
Housing
open floor plan. Please contact
my realtor: Christy Duffell-
Seguin christy@cdsfinehomes.
com 803-665-2144
Part time work in exchange
for Free rent - USC Campus
FREE rent in exchange for part
time work around my house.
Northeast:
7904 Springpond Road All
brick home for only $141,000
in quiet community.
Totally renovated, Call Des-
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Realty @ 422-7001.
Saluda Cymbals & Drum
Musicians
Wanted
Works Custom Made Cymbals
and Drums – We take trade-
ins 776-6898 2651-B Shop
Road.
Bass player for established
jam band . Shows booked.
Orig. & Dead covers. Call 803-
446-5747
‘01 VOLVO S60 Black sedan,
sunroof, leather, CD, loaded!
Automotive
$13,995. Dyer Volvo/Mercedes
803-786-8888