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    Carlington Park G.C.
    Carlington Park G.C.
    Carlington Park G.C.
    Ebook80 pages1 hour

    Carlington Park G.C.

    By John Flannery

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    Carlington Park G.C. is a series of daft comic sketches and stories about the ground-staff set on a newly opened golf course in north Manchester. One of the assistant green-keepers, Adrian 'Chaddy' Chadwick is the main character in most of the stories. He has daft theories about most things in his life and, in his own mind, he regards himself as an undiscovered genius. His workmates tolerate his craziness because he means well most of the time and he genuinely feels he can help people cope with their working-life. Monty is the Head Green-keeper but he is mostly a quiet and benign presence who only intervenes when something goes badly wrong. Joe is the senior assistant green-keeper who tries to keep his staff out of trouble. He is one of the most penalized amateur rugby league players ever. He loves pies. They are his only reason to live. Glenn is a friendly assistant green-keeper who gets involved with most of Chaddy's daft schemes. Bobby is the new assistant green-keeper who is fresh out of school. He is only sixteen so he also gets roped into the general shenanigans caused by Chaddy and his sometimes surreal advice and activities.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJohn Flannery
    Release dateNov 21, 2017
    ISBN9781370111695
    Carlington Park G.C.
    Author

    John Flannery

    John Flannery was born in 1963. He was brought up in Manchester but he now lives in Fleetwood. John studied Housing Studies at the University of Westminster and graduated in 1992. He decided to become a writer of fiction in 1986 but he did not start writing in earnest until 1995. In 2010 he self-published a collection of short stories entitled Toby's Little Eden and Other Stories that was greeted by a huge tidal wave of public indifference that still overwhelms him to this day. In 2012 he self-published a small collection of short stories called Our Little Secret and Other Stories. He has also published a collection of stries entitled Our Little Secret and Other Stories, a debut novel called God's Gift, and a novella called The Place. In September 2013 John published a novella called Billy Atherton. In November 2013 John published another novella entitled Joshua's Withdrawal. They are all published on Amazon Kindle.

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      Book preview

      Carlington Park G.C. - John Flannery

      Carlington Park G.C.

      Bobby’s Welcome

      Carlington Park Golf Club, a new club in North West England, has got a new Trainee Grounds man. Two of the ground staff are with him. It’s break time. Glenn stirs milk into the three mugs of tea. Chaddy hovers behind him.

      Don’t give Bobby a new mug. It’s bad luck. Always give a new boy an old mug, said Chaddy. He rummages around in a cupboard and pulls out a grotty old mug.

      Use this one, Glenn, said Chaddy.

      I can’t use that. We measured out weed killer with it last week, said Glenn.

      Don’t be soft. Just give it a good rinse. Chaddy sits at the table near Bobby who looks a bit tense and self-conscious.

      Are you sure you want to be a Trainee Green keeper, Bobby, said Chaddy.

      Yeah, I want to work outdoors, said Bobby.

      Is this your first job since leaving school?

      Yeah.

      So, you’ve never worked outdoors during a winter?

      No.

      With the best will in the world you’ve never been threatened by penile frostbite. You might not be so romantic about it in January. Glenn nods solemnly in agreement and puts the three mugs down on the table. Bobby reaches out for one of the mugs.

      Not that one! The one with vintage cars on is mine, said Chaddy.

      Yours is the one with the hedgehogs on it, said Glenn.

      But it’s all chipped and dirty, said Bobby.

      Don’t give me any office politics. This is a hard school, son. Just wait until Joe gets his teeth into you, said Chaddy.

      Is Joe a bit of a tough nut then? said Bobby.

      Didn’t he strike you as the man with the worst disciplinary record in the history of Rugby League? said Glenn.

      No. he was okay in the interview.

      Sounds like you need some tips on character judgement. You need a mentor, said Chaddy. He takes a sip of his drink and winces.

      There’s only two sugars in this! You know I like five, said Chaddy.

      We ran out of sugar, said Glenn.

      Right, Bobby. You’ve got your first ‘Special Project.’ The shop’s only down the road. Get us some custard creams while you’re in there…don’t get the cheapo ones. Go on! Pretend you’re Tom Cruise, said Chaddy.

      Don’t treat me like a kid. I’m not green behind the ears, said Bobby. Chaddy is a bit taken aback by this show of bolshiness. He leans forward and becomes intense. He decides to challenge Bobby.

      Who is the Governor of the Bank of England? said Chaddy. Bobby stares into the middle distance. He appears to be mesmerised. Chaddy and Glenn begin to analyse his apparent lack of mental activity.

      I think he’s a bit nervous, said Glenn.

      I think he’s a bit daft, said Chaddy.

      Can you repeat the question? said Bobby.

      You had us worried for a minute, said Glenn.

      We thought you’d been struck dumb by universal truth and beauty. You’ll have to sharpen up a bit if you want to last longer than the first Trainee, said Chaddy.

      He only lasted half a day, said Glenn.

      What happened to him? said Bobby.

      We can’t talk about it yet. It’s a bit ‘Market Sensitive’. Don’t worry about it…you know, Glenn I reckon we need some innovation at this juncture in Bobby’s personal development.

      Sounds risky, said Glenn.

      How about the old good-cop, bad-cop routine? said Chaddy.

      I’ll only do it if I’m the bad cop, said Glenn

      No way. I’m the bad cop, said Chaddy.

      Bad cop or no cop, said Glenn.

      I’ll play both parts myself, then. Chaddy starts pacing around the room.

      Come on then, Marlon Brando.

      I need time to get into character, said Chaddy.

      You’ve lost interest already, said Glenn. Chaddy stares out of the window.

      Have you got any more ‘Off the record’ questions before Joe gets back? said Chaddy.

      What are the Members like? said Bobby.

      They are a mixture of nice and nasty. Some would give you their last penny but others would lure you into the bushes and perform an occult ritual on your nakedness, said Chaddy.

      It’s swings and roundabouts. The busybodies are the worst, said Glenn.

      That’s right. The ones with more energy than sense, said Chaddy. Joe Parker enters the room.

      We need to get you kitted out, young man. What size raincoat do you want? said Joe.

      I think I’m 86 centimetres, said Bobby.

      None of that fancy stuff. What’s that in real money? said Joe

      That’s about forty inches, said Glenn.

      He’s never forty inches, said Chaddy.

      We’ve got some conversion charts somewhere, said Glenn. He pulls out a scruffy piece of paper out of the drawer. It’s been ripped apart and stuck back together with Sellotape. He peers at it for a while.

      According to this, Bobby’s forty-eight inches, said Glenn.

      Don’t send a boy to do a man’s job. Give me the calculator, said Chaddy. He punches some numbers into the calculator. He falls silent and stares at the read-out.

      Well then? said Joe.

      According to these figures, Bobby’s chest doesn’t actually exist, said Chaddy. Joe grabs the conversion chart.

      "You’ve been using the one that converts Pesetas into Sterling, said Joe.

      I’ve got an idea. Why don’t I just look at the label in my jacket? said Bobby. There is silence.

      Have you been taking the Mickey, said Joe.

      Why didn’t you tell us that at the start? We’ve been making idiots of ourselves, said Chaddy. Joe points at Chaddy and Glenn.

      They don’t know what they’re doing at the best of times. The young lad’s got no common sense. College Boys! said Joe. Having no ‘common sense’ is Joe’s severest criticism.

      Bobby trundles past Chaddy on a sit-down mower near the green keeper’s complex. Bobby is a bit proud of himself because

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