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In the Garden with

Adam and Steve


By Robin Schwartz

S
omehow they just knew. The videotaped him with a man in his dorm While Miller believes the aforemen- GAY MARRIAGE
kids in Joe Kort’s class at Oak room and then streamed the footage on tioned passage from Leviticus is open According to advocates, the Reform
Park High School seemed to the Internet. to interpretation, most members of the movement has worked for years to include
see right through him — and Orthodox community do not. In the 2001 and embrace the lesbian, gay, bisexual
they were brutal. The year documentary Trembling Before G-d, the and transgender (LGBT) community. The
was 1979 and Joe, then 15, GOD’S PLAYBOOK audience follows several gay and lesbian ordination of gays and lesbians as rabbis
was the eldest of two children growing up Orthodox Jews and their struggle to rec- and cantors is permitted in the Reform
in a Reform Jewish household where the “A man shall not lie with oncile faith and sexuality. movement, and many clergy members of-
word “gay” was never uttered. He was very Rabbi Michael Cohen, the pulpit rabbi ficiate at same-sex unions.
much “in the closet,” careful to avoid the another man as [he would] at Young Israel of Oak Park, an Orthodox Rabbi Daniel Nevins, former spiritual
openly gay students at his school who were with a woman, it is a to’eva synagogue on the same block as Miller’s, leader of Adat Shalom synagogue in Farm-
seen as “misfits” or social outcasts; but his believes the argument for gay marriage is ington Hills and the current dean of the
classmates could tell he wasn’t straight. (an abomination).” inherently flawed. Rabbinical School of the Jewish Theologi-
“I was bullied a lot. I was spit on; I “Orthodox Judaism does not provide for cal Seminary of America, co-authored a
was beaten up,” Joe recalls. “It was a very — Leviticus 18:22 the marriage of two men or two women,” legal opinion that paved the way for both
hostile environment. I didn’t play sports, Cohen says. “The Torah definitely does not same-sex commitment ceremonies as
I was around girls all the time and [the read that one can have what we call today well as ordination of gay rabbis within the
kids] used it against me as much as they a gay lifestyle.” Conservative movement.
could. It was awful.” Young Israel of Oak Park was confront- That opinion may have removed techni-
Joe says he first started to become aware ed with a related issue when a gay couple cal roadblocks for clerics to officiate at
of his sexuality at the young age of 8, from Huntington Woods applied for a marriage-like commitment ceremonies,
when he consciously found himself more family membership. The application went but support for actual marriage within the
attracted to boys than girls. As a teen, he to both the synagogue’s board and the movement is tacit, at best.
was ashamed and depressed, carrying Young Israel national council; the request The 2006 decision by the Committee of
around this monumental secret and trying was denied. Cohen says the men were of- Jewish Law and Standards, which deter-
to find a way to blend in. His mother sent fered membership as individuals, not as a mines the official positions of Conserva-
him to Jewish Family Service for outpa- couple; they declined. tive Judaism, allowed rabbis permission
tient psychotherapy. “All synagogues want to be welcoming to officiate at commitment ceremonies for
“My mom was afraid I was going to to every Jew,” he says. “At the same time, same-sex couples with sole discretion left
harm myself,” he says. “I think she knew the Torah deals with the issue of two men to either the seminary or the individual
I was gay, but she didn’t know what to do cohabitating together and having a sexual rabbi.
about it. The therapist tried to talk me out relationship — and it’s not an accepted In 2000, Joe Kort married his long-
of it. I tried dating girls, but it didn’t help. lifestyle.” time partner, Mike Cramer, in a Reform
When I went away to college, I was finally In a March 2009 Detroit News article, wedding ceremony at Congregation Shir
able to come out. But when I did, all of my Rabbi Alon Tolwin, founder of Aish Tikvah in Troy (they later got married in
Jewish friends abandoned me.” HaTorah Detroit, was more direct: “It’s Massachusetts, one of the few states where
Now a Ph.D. who is a board certified a prohibition like any other prohibition,” gay marriage is legal).
sexologist and psychotherapist, with a Rabbi Jason Miller, spiritual leader of Tolwin is quoted as saying. “It’s danger- But when Joe and Mike submitted a
private practice in Royal Oak, Kort, 47, the Reconstructionist synagogue Con- ous because as a banner issue, it attacks wedding announcement to the Detroit
says he intimately understands the pain gregation T’chiyah in Oak Park, calls for the essence of the morality we’re trying to Jewish News, the announcement was
that’s led to a recent series of gay teen sui- respect and inclusion. maintain.” returned without being published. That
cides. In one of the many cases that made “It’s incumbent upon rabbis and Jew- Rabbi Miller, however, believes because sparked a debate and discussion that ulti-
national headlines, a Rutgers University ish communal leaders to treat gays and our understanding of homosexuality in mately led to the JN’s decision in Septem-
freshman (who was not Jewish) jumped lesbians with dignity and as full-fledged the 21st century is different from previous ber 2004 to print same-sex engagement,
to his death from the George Washing- members of our synagogues and institu- generations, we must yield to the value of union, anniversary and birth announce-
ton Bridge after his roommate allegedly tions,” he says. human dignity. ments.

22 February 2011 | Red Thread www.redthreadmagazine.com


Gay Rights:
ALL THE BIG NAMES!
Where Do We Yet small
ALESSI
enough to italian luxury
Stand?
give you the houseware line
With a great deal of fanfare back
in December, President Barack attention you MICHAEL ARAM
Obama signed the bill repealing
“We felt this step made sense,” JN the military’s controversial “don’t deserve for CHILEWICH
ask, don’t tell” policy. That brought
Editor Robert Sklar said at the time.
“The gay and lesbian community is an end to the 17-year-old ban on your special CARROL BOYES
openly gay men and women serv-
not asking us to do anything differ-
ently or more; they just want to be ing in the armed forces. occassions! functional art S.Africa
treated like any other. If we’re really On the state level, a Republican
going to be the mirror of the Jewish landslide during the November JONATHAN ADLER
election left leaders of Michigan’s
community, we have to reflect what’s
lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgen- pottery
going on. To ignore it seems wrong.”
der (LGBT) community wondering
Detroit, not known for its pro-
gressive social stance on much, was what will become of the pro-equal- SID DICKENS
actually years ahead of other large ity legislation they’ve been pushing
for.
memory blocks
communities when it came to run-
“Our civil rights laws don’t
ning same-sex announcements in its
cover sexual orientation or gender MARY FRANCES
Jewish newspaper.
Larger, more stable communities identity or expression,” explains
Jay Kaplan, staff attorney for the
jewelled bags
across the country have just started
to grapple with that particular issue. LGBT project for the American Civil
Liberties Union of Michigan. He and
JUDAICA
New Jersey’s oldest Jewish newspa-
per, the New Jersey Jewish Stan- other attorneys handle litigation,
legal education and lobbying. “Gen-
CUSTOM JEWELRY
dard, found itself at the center of a
firestorm several months ago when it erally, it’s legal for LGBT people to and more
published a gay wedding announce- be discriminated against in employ-
ment — and quickly issued an apol- ment, housing and public accom-
ogy after receiving criticism from the modations. Michigan may seem
Orthodox community. progressive in some areas, but we’re
The paper then apologized for in the lowest rung when it comes to
apologizing when hundreds of read- LGBT rights.” Here’s where we stand
ers expressed outrage over the way it on the key issues:
folded under pressure; it’s still trying
to figure out what the policy will be
in the future.

JEWISH GAY NETWORK


“I think people are trying very hard
to become open to the possibilities of GALLERY HOURS
welcoming people,” says Judy Lewis, MON-WED, SAT 10-7
executive director of the Jewish Gay
Network of Michigan. “Jewish people THURS-FRI 10-8
have a sense of social action and SUN 12-5
know excluding an entire segment of 123 WEST MAPLE (west of Pierce, south side of Maple)
our population just isn’t right.”
The JGN has offices at the Jewish 248.647.4007 • www.artloftonline.com
Community Centers in West Bloom-
field and Oak Park. Created in 2004,
it provides education, resources and
advocacy, including anti-bullying
and inclusion programs presented to
secular and religious organizations.
The group’s website says it envi-
sions a world without closets: “In-
stead of hidden identities and values,
Awaken the
JGN members contribute to an envi-
ronment of inclusiveness and positive
action. We believe in exploring the
Marriage Rights: Like a majority of
states, Michigan law bans same-sex
marriage. But we also have a con-
stitutional amendment that denies
Beauty
ways our sexuality, faith, tradition
and society intersect.”
As the Jewish mother of a gay son,
Karen Fenwick of Bloomfield Hills,
gay people the right to marry.
“The Michigan Supreme Court has
broadly interpreted that amend-
Within...
an artist and an outdoor educator for ment so it bans any form of recogni-
the Bloomfield Hills School Dis- tion for same-sex relationships,”
trict, couldn’t agree more. Her son, says Kaplan. “No right to marry,
now 35, married and an electrical no same-sex unions, no domestic
engineer, came out on the bimah of partner benefits; we have one of the
his family’s Reform temple during most restrictive amendments in the
Shabbat services in the 1990s. country.” Even if a couple is married
Regrettably, the family felt rejected in a state where gay marriage is le-
and ultimately left the Bloomfield gal, the marriage is not recognized
Township synagogue where their son in Michigan.
had been raised — they remain unaf-
filiated. Employment/Housing: Michigan
“We probably should have stayed landlords can refuse to rent to a
and fought the good fight, but we person just because of their sexual
were just beaten down at that point,” orientation. Michigan employers
Fenwick says. “I wish rabbis and con- can fire someone for being gay,
gregations would educate themselves lesbian, bisexual or transgender and
and be more open. Of all people, the refuse to hire a homosexual worker,
Jewish people, who’ve been perse- regardless of qualifications or job
cuted throughout history and have performance. For this reason, many
had a hard time being accepted in
many venues, should know what it
members of the LGBT community
say they hide their sexual orienta-
tion when applying for a job. This
WPlastic
est Maple
Surgery
feels like.” RT
applies statewide except in com-
munities like Huntington Woods, Specializing in Cosmetic Surgery &
Ferndale and Detroit, which have
Aesthetic & Reconstructive Breast Surgery

[ ]
local human rights ordinances that
prohibit this form of discrimination.
EDITOR’S NOTE: JGN DANIEL SHERBERT, M.D. F.A.C.S
Certified by The American Board of Surgery, The American Board of
Family & Friends group Anti-Bullying: Legislation is Plastic Surgery & Fellowship Trained in Aesthetic & Reconstructive
meets 7-9 p.m. the first pending; it has been approved by Breast Surgery
Thursday of every month the state House and sent to the
in the library at the Jew- state Senate. “We are one of only
ish Community Center in six states that do not have a law (248) 865-6400
West Bloomfield, 6600 requiring school districts to have
West Maple Road. For anti-bullying policies,” Kaplan points
5807 W. Maple • Suite 177 • West Bloomfield
more information, go to out. “We have to work to educate
www.jgnmi.org. our legislators and the public about
these issues.”

www.redthreadmagazine.com Red Thread | February 2011 23

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