Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Ajan Raghunathan
Anger management deals with the management of one’s anger so that the least possible damage is felt to
self, others and the environment. This involves understanding one’s anger patterns and dealing with them
effectively. One who can manage his own anger effectively can possibly manage the anger of others as
well.
Manage your anger before it manages you. This is the ‘ prevention is better than cure’ approach. This is
actually the only effective technique for anger management. This involves two steps:
1. Understanding the root cause of anger in general and of your anger and anger patterns in
particular.
2. It also involves having a self-structure that does not cram up stress or that is non-conducive to
anger or stress. This is done by continuous practice of some releasing technique such as
meditation, relaxation (somatic relaxation like progressive muscular relaxation and psychological
relaxation like savasana, autogenic training etc.). And also developing self-confidence, courage
etc.
1. Understanding Anger
You become angry because something or someone has done something against your expectations. An
expectation is a shelter – it gives you a security feeling. So when someone breaks your expectations he is
breaking your shelter, making you insecure, fearful.
2. Preventive Techniques
There are no fool-proof techniques available for anger management at this stage. This is the most difficult
stage to manage because you are the person who is angry and you are the person who is to manage
yourself. Try one or more of the following:
As soon as you are in control withdraw yourself from the situation to avoid irrepairable or
irreversible damage to self, others, relationships, and the environment.
When you recognize that you are angry, just stop doing what you have been doing. Walk around or
sit calmly for a few minutes.
Release the stress (stored due to anger) in a way in which there is least possible harm to self,
others, and the environment.
Breath deeply. Inhale deeply and hold for a second or two. Then exhale deeply. Repeat a few
times.
Become aware that you are angry. Just observe yourself.
If possible involve in some creative work that can pacify you.
If possible, divert your attention to something else that can relax you; like humorous films, calming
music, watering your garden, going to beach or park or the like.
Postpone the expression of anger again and again.
Get into the company of persons you love or who love you and understand you. Speak out to them,
if possible.
If you have love for children, their presence can pacify you.
Even pets can sometimes pacify you.
Laugh it out, if you can, by perceiving it in a humorous way.
Perceive it creatively and constructively and take it as an opportunity to know yourself, your anger
patterns and the situation or other people involved.
As far as possible do not swear to yourself or shout like: ‘ I will teach you/him/her a lesson. I will
show you/him/her’ etc. This will act as a program and will be stored as negative energy.
Use the Stop Technique
1. Analyzing and finding out the root cause of your anger. You will find out that it is one or other kind
of fear or attachment.(Attachment also stems from fear).
2. Repairing and restoring yourself, others and the environment involved in the anger incident.
You may want or expect others to behave on one way or other and they may do the reverse. This might
have made you angry. But why did you expect so? They are free to create their own psychological prisons
(= programs) for themselves. If you have such expectations, come out of these. These expectations, if you
look deeply into it are also your own fears in disguise. Attachment to these give you a security feeling and
when they are attacked you become angry. Realize these anxieties and fears.
Think of the damages and losses caused to yourself, others and the environment due to your anger. This
awareness will lead to an automatic control slowly.
Repair Yourself
1. Practice relaxation, meditation or any releasing technique so that all pend up stress energy is
either released or dissolved without disturbing yourself, others or the environment.
2. Use humor: read humorous books, watch cartoons or any humorous films etc.
If you have disturbed the environment by throwing something, or destroying something, take time to
reinstate them as far as possible.
Personal Rules are pre-programmed behavior patterns you have defined for yourself and reinforced again
and again. For example: ‘I will do this & this in such a situation’; ‘If I were you I would have kicked him
down’ etc. If you have programmed yourself in negative or self-destructive ways, you should dissolve such
programs. It is ideal that you have no such programs because they make you more machine than human.
This technique is generally used as a therapeutical technique for the control of obsessive thinking. Some
people are haunted continuously by negative or undesirable thinking like thoughts of undressing in the
public, thoughts of losing control, thoughts of destroying something etc. They seldom act like these but are
very frustrated due to this unwanted and undesired thoughts. When such thoughts occur, they are taught to
say STOP to themselves at first loudly and later as the client gains more control, he can say ‘STOP’ silently
but emphatically. This is repeated until the thoughts cease totally. By some trials, the frequency of
unwanted thoughts slow down and finally ceases altogether.
This technique is found to be useful to some for anger management also. This is because, anger elicits
destructive thoughts which need to be checked.
***